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- CHAPTER FIVE -

BEGINNING OF A BAD JOKE

AFTER WALKING THROUGH the remnants of the dead forest, the boat that Ilin mention came into view by the edge of the river. It sat high in the water, with a curved canopy keeping the sun of most of the deck as Epzo held Angstrom at gunpoint. Although, she didn't look very threatened by him.

"I said stay away from the boat. " Epzo warned, pointing his gun at her face.

"You don't get this to yourself." Angstrom retorted, referring to the large boat beside them.

"This blaster says I do."

The Doctor rolled her eyes as she got closer and demanded, "Put the blaster down. We all know you're not going to use it. No injuring, no killing, no sabotage, isn't that what what's-his-face said?"

"Yeah, well, maybe I don't play by the rules." He quipped back, gun still raised.

"Did you practise those lines in the mirror? See this?" She held up her right pinky touched his neck, causing him to instantly be paralysed where he stood.

Penny's eyes widened in surprise, she was impressed. "Now that is hot, if I don't say so myself."

Angstrom nodded in agreement, "Nice move."

"Thanks. Venusian Aikido. Grand Master Pacifist. Temporarily paralyses, while also being fundamentally harmless. Very clever, those Venusian nuns. Shall I let go?" She explained before turning to Epzo and removing her finger from his throat. He gasped and coughed for breath once he was released, just as Yaz, Ryan and Graham caught up with Penny and the Doctor.

"And this boat doesn't work." Angstrom said to the newcomers.

"Oh. Well, me and Ryan'll take a look." Graham offered. He still had those damn sunglasses on, Penny couldn't take anything he said seriously with those on.

Ryan turned to his grandfather in surprise, "Will we?"

"Yeah, well, those NVQ classes must be good for something. An engine's an engine." Graham shrugged.

"Not a space engine." Ryan responded.

Epzo had had enough of the dilly dallying and he turned to the Doctor and said with a strict tone, "You don't get to take charge here. This is about me and her fighting to win."

"We're all going to the same place, and that boat is big enough for all of us." Yasmin retaliated.

The Doctor agreed with her, "Yaz is right. If we get it started, we all get on board."

"I know what this is. You're part of Ilin's game. Saboteurs, sent to throw us off." Epzo was so sure of himself, but Ilin had said himself that they were on their own from now on. How could he be so dumb to think that Ilin still set traps for him?

Angstrom scoffed, "You think the whole universe is out to get you."

"How's your family, Angstrom?" Epzo re-countered with an all-knowing look in his eyes and her face instantly fell. Obviously something had happened to her loved one and Epzo seemed to use it as a low blow.

The Doctor crouched down by the edge of the platform and sonicked the water. "So that's why he said don't touch the water. Flesh-eating microbes, millions of them, living in there. Toxic atmosphere, killer water. Very dangerous planet, Penelope."

"Did you really have to say that? Now I want to touch it." Penny joked with a small chuckle escaping her throat.

"Please don't." The Time Lady advised, taking the joke seriously and pulling the brunette away from the edge.

  ✦ ✦ ✦  

A little while later, while Ryan, Graham and the Doctor were checking out the engine, Yaz, Penelope and Angstrom were sat by the banks, watching the peaceful scenery. Epzo was doing god know what behind them, they didn't care enough to look.

"I've never seen so much water." Angstrom admitted, looking out to the untouchable deep blue areas of their view. 

It was stunning with the reflection of the three suns dancing across the surface, a real damn shame that it couldn't be touched. Penny longed to run her hand through the cold stream and cool down under the blazing heat. With the suns going down slightly, the temperature had decreased, but she was still a little sweaty in her red leather jacket. 

However, she refused to take it off, it completed her look. You wouldn't see the Doctor without her coat unless it was for a reasonable purpose. Penny was the same with hers.

"You're Albarian, he said?" Yasmin asked the blonde pilot. 

Angstrom removed her gaze from the scenery and turned to the human, "Yes. The planet of Albar. It's tiny. Crammed full of rusting high-rises. Everyone wants to leave any way they can. Even more so since..."

"Since what?" Penny questioned softly, noticing the look on her face. It was the same face she made when Epzo brought up her family earlier.

Angstrom panicked, pulling off her goggles from her head and shoving them in her bag, "I don't know you. Either of you."

"It doesn't mean you can't trust us." Penelope smiled, touching the Albarian's shoulder gently as she stood up, Just as the Doctor jogged over to them.

"Up and running. All aboard." She smiled, pointing towards the boat. With her announcement, they all climbed aboard the boat and set off.

"Hey, Yaz, can you believe it? Alien planet, man." Ryan grinned to his friend as they sat on the moving boat in the shade. 

"I know!" She smiled back.

"This planet doesn't make any sense. No other life forms except us and the microbes in the water. No people, no animals, no insects, no nothing. But he talked about the old settlements. What happened here?" Said the Doctor, voicing her thoughts. Penny liked how she was curious of everything, it kept her brain running.

"No-one cares." Epzo butted in, downing liquid from a small vial he had in his hand, grimacing as he swallowed.

"No. You don't care. Get your facts straight." Penny retorted sassily, causing a few snickers here and there from the others, including the Doctor. But one look from him caused them to go quiet real fast.

"Don't take him personally. He treats everyone like this." Angstrom told them.

Epzo scoffed, "I don't need other people."

Now it was Graham's turn to scoff, "We all need other people, mate."

"We're all alone. That's how we start and end, and it's the natural state of all points in between." Apparently, Epzo was a glass half empty kinda guy, judging by his words.

"Someone's a pessimist." Penny commented under her breath, only the Doctor who was sat beside her had heard her. She nudged the Anoulian with her elbow gently and shook her head with a small smile when Penny looked at her.

"Were you born that miserable, or did you have to work at it?" The eldest O'Brien countered.

"You know, when I was four, my mum told me to climb a tree. She made me climb until I was too scared to climb any higher. Then she told me to jump into her arms. 'Don't worry', she said, 'I'm your mum, I'm here for you, I'll catch you'. So I jumped. And she moved out of the way." Epzo reminisced, everyone fell into a brief moment of silence.

"What?!"

"Sorry, did you say your mum did this to you?" Yaz questioned, leaning forward from her seat as she stared at him.

He replied, "I smashed into the ground. Broke this arm, shattered that ankle. And she stood over me and she said, 'Now you've learned. You can never trust anyone in this life.'"

"That is messed up." Ryan voiced.

"Best thing she ever did for me. I loved my mum." Epzo said, looking at the floor with distant eyes.

"I have no idea why you would." Penny mumbled.

"Yeah, she sounds terrific." Stated Graham, sarcastically.

The Doctor looked at Epzo with no doubt in her words, "Your mum was wrong. We're stronger together." 

It didn't take long for Epzo to fall asleep and for everyone to grow bored, a boat journey with no dangers other than the man eating water would do that to you.

"I see your mate's dropped off. It's nice to see him quiet." Graham piped up, glancing at the sleeping figure in front of him before looking at Angstrom.

"Yeah. He can nap anywhere. Famous for it." She replied.

"How many stages are there in the rally?" The Doctor quizzed. And Jesus Christ did she have some fantastic eyelashes. How had Penelope not noticed them before? They were gorgeous. Penny snapped out of her thoughts when Angstrom began speaking.

"This time? 209 terrains, 94 planets. We start the race with nothing and barter our way up."

"Is it worth it?" Penelope questioned curiously.

"To ensure enough for my family's safety? Yeah. Albar is being systematically cleansed. Half of my family are in hiding. The others are on the run. This is my only chance to bring us back together."

"So you left your family to do this?" Yasmin inquired.

Angstrom revealed, "I left my family to try and save my family. They told me to. If I win, I find them, rescue them. If they're alive to be rescued. Whatever happens here, it's a better chance than I had back home." 

"You're making me miss my family. That's quite some achievement, considering my dad drives me bananas and my sister's trying to get me to move out so she can have my bedroom. And I only saw them yesterday." Yasmin smiled and it made Penny think of her family.

Her two elder brothers, Krotin and Kandas, her mother Anipali, and her father Kalipo, the ruler of their world. Penelope was not her real name, but it helped her forget who she used to be, what her mother tried to make her become. But, she still missed them and it hurt her that she'd never be able to see her again. 

"Don't ever take them for granted." Angstrom advised Yaz who nodded and then she looked at the others, "God, you all look shattered."

"You should all rest. I'll wake you when we get there." The Doctor noticed the sad look on Penelope's face as Yaz and Angstrom talked about family and she stood up. "Penny, can I talk to you?"

"Sure." Penny agreed, following the Doctor through the curtains and to the back of the boat where they could have some privacy.

"You know what this is about, don't you?"

"The bond." Penelope said with a sad smile. "I never thought it was possible."

"How so?" The Doctor asked, grasping Penny's hand in her own as they sat by the edge of the boat.

Penny took a deep breath before replying, "Anoulians only get one chance and with what happened in the Time War, I thought that my chance had died with the rest of my planet. But then you came along with your quick thing and your gorgeous eye lashes, I was done for the minute you crashed through the roof of that train."

"Well, I'm as much surprised as you are. Who knew that a Time Lord would bond with an Anoulian? Sounds like the beginning of a bad joke!" The Time Lady laughed, trying to lighten her bonded's spirits. "We don't have to go through with the bond if you don't want to, it's your choice."

With her words, Penny's sad smile formed into a pleasant one, she knew the Doctor wouldn't force her to do anything she didn't want to. "I want to...be bonded with you, I mean. I missed being able to talk freely about who I am and I can do that with you because you understand. Graham was always so afraid that I'd be taken away and experimented on by the government or UNIT."

The Doctor scoffed lightly, "Like that would ever happen, their too dumb to catch me, let alone you. One of the smartest people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. And I've met lots of smart people. Albert Einstein, Steven Hawking, Charles Dickens!"

"Charles Dickens?" Penelope laughed in excitement. Her bonded had met some of the most smartest people to date. She wouldn't admit it, but she felt a little envious.

The Doctor continued happily, "Oh! He was a cheeky man! But then again, so was Shakespeare."

They laughed for a good few seconds until they had calmed down and everything was quiet again, well, as quiet as a boat could be travelling through water. 

"Thank you." Penelope told the blonde holding her hand. She pulled the Time Lord into an embrace, who easily accepted the close proximity from her soulmate.

"For what?" The Doctor asked as she rested her chin on the top of Penelope's head, running her hand through the long brown hair that belonged to the Anoulian.

"For being here for me. I haven't had someone to do that since the war." Penny replied, clutching onto her torso tighter.

"I will always be here for you, Penelope and not just because of the bond. I'll be there when you need me most because that's who I am." The Time Lady vowed, closing her eyes in pure serenity as her bonded embraced her. Penelope was so at home in the Doctor's arms, that she found herself falling asleep with no worry in the world.

  ✦ ✦ ✦   

When the boat had made it to it's destination, the Doctor was reluctant to wake the sleeping woman in her arms. She wished that they could stay like that forever. But alas, everyone had woken up and ventured off the boat, even Penelope was glad to stick her feet on solid ground...or sand.

"Have you seen yourself, Epzo? I'd say you love that cigar more than you've loved any person." Angstrom teased her competition as they walked. 

"Have you any idea how rare and expensive these are?" He shot back at her, "It takes half an Althusian lifetime to make just one of these. To make them, roll them, age them, and then, and this is the best bit, they make them self-lighting. Just one click of the finger and it lights itself. Do you want a sniff? Closest you'll ever get to victory."

"Bad for your health." Angstrom smirked, just as an abandoned building came into view. It kind of looked like an old motel from back in the sixties, but it was most likely just similar architecture seeing as they were on a different planet.

But the Doctor had said there were no living organisms except the water on Desolation, Penny thought to herself, so why was this building built in the first place and how? 

"Big set of ruins. Wonder who those were built for?" The doctor wondered aloud, thinking the exact same thing as Penelope. Must have been a bonded thing.

"Oh, why do you even care?" Epzo complained.

The Doctor ignored him and continued, "Where are those people now? Why are there so few signs of life? What happened to everyone?"

"Bye. Ha!" Epzo chuckled cockily as he jogged away from them and towards the demolished buildings.

"Good luck." Angstrom called out to him.

"You've already lost, Angstrom!" He shouted back as she went a separate way, leaving everyone else where they stood. The Doctor whipped out her sonic screwdriver and scanned the ruins.

"What, we're just letting them go, are we? How do we know what to do, where to go?" Graham asked, squinting at the Doctor in his ridiculous sunglasses.

"First thing we have to do is make it through those ruins safely. Because these readings are all over the place, and I don't know why." She told them all.

With that, they all trekked up the hill and into the ruins where they got a very good view of the three suns that were getting lower in the sky every minute.

"Those suns are starting to set. They're moving way faster than I realised." The Doctor observed with her hands on her hips, her coat, along with Penelope's were blowing in the wind. They were stood closer than they usually were, most likely because of the little chat they had back on the boat.

"Well, back in the tent, that bloke Ilin said do not travel by night." Graham brought up.

"We need to move - fast." The Doctor advised before turning around, only to be met with the sight of several armed figures that had been stood behind them.

Penny jumped back in fright and exclaimed, "Jesus tap dancing Christ! There was no need for a jump scare! How long have you lot been standing there?!" 

She received no answer from them, they were stood perfectly still.

"Whoa! They weren't there when we came in." Graham stated in surprise.

"Where did they come from?" Ryan asked.

"I don't know." The Doctor replied as she pulled out her sonic again and moved closer to one, scanning it rapidly.

Yasmin gasped when she saw her move forward, scared that something might happen, "Oh, my God, Doctor!"

"So much for no life forms on this planet." Graham quipped.

"Not the time, Graham." Penny scolded.

"They're not alive. They're robot guards. Why would you need robot guards on a deserted planet? Good news is, they're not fully active. So, what we all need to do is very slowly, totally unthreateningly, back out of here." The Doctor instructed. Penny slowly walked forward and clutched her hand. She wasn't a damsel in distress or anything, she just liked knowing that the Doctor was there with her in a very dangerous situation and not running off without her. All of a sudden, the guards started moving. "Argh! They've been activated! Run!"

They ran up some stairs and into the open with the robots close behind, shooting blasters at them. Graham was at the back of the group, "Move! Move, everyone! Come on!"

After almost getting shot, Penelope was forced to run in all sorts of directions by the Doctor who had yanked her hand. "Ah! Ah! Swerve! Don't run straight. They're predicting our path! In here!" The Doctor shouted, running into a chamber with Penelope, the others followed suit.

"Well done, all of you, nice running." The Doctor complimented with heavy breaths. Several practice targets flung up from the ground and made them all jump. "Ah! Oh! Okay, come on. Oh! What have we here?" The Doctor ran passed the targets and sonicked an old uniform and equipment lying in the sand. It was a destroyed robot.

"Got anything there, Doctor?" Yasmin asked, taking a step closer to get a better look. Penelope pulled her back, just in case they got another jump scare.

"Information." The Doctor mumbled before a look of dread washed onto her face, "Oh, that's bad. They're SniperBots. We just walked into the middle of the shooting range. Everything within the perimeter is target practice."

"Which would explain all the targets in here. And looking on the negative side, they're human-shaped targets." Graham said, pessimistically like he always did.

"If that's the way it is, time to stop messing about." Ryan replied with determination, picking up the dead robot's gun from the floor. 

"You idiot! Don't do that!" Penny exclaimed with wide eyes, knowing what he was about to do. He was being stupid, you can't fight fire with fire.

"What are you doing?" The Doctor questioned.

"Fighting back."

"Bad idea..." Penelope sang through gritted teeth.

The Time Lady shook her head in refusal, "No. Guns, never use 'em."

"They're shooting at us!" Ryan exclaimed in confusion.

"I know."

"They're going to kill us with their guns!"

Graham agreed with his grandson, "He's got a point, Doc." 

"Put the gun down, Ryan." The Doctor commanded.

"What's your better idea?" The Sinclair boy asked her.

"Out-think them."

Graham cut in, "You can't out-think bullets."

"Been doing it all my life." Retorted the Doctor.

"Uh-uh. Sorry. Call of Duty, man. I've trained for this." Ryan smirked, activating the gun and running out of the room.

"Video games are vastly different from real life, get back in here." Penelope shouted after him, but it was no use. "In the words of your grandmother, Ryan Sinclair, don't you dare!"

Ryan stumbled back in about half a minute later, screaming his head off. The Doctor gave him a knowing look, "Made it worse?" 

He nodded, "Just a little bit, yeah." 

"Now do you see why I don't like guns?" She pressed on.

"Don't go on about it."

"I will go on about it. A lot!" She retorted with a patronising tone. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted the robot guards closing in on them. "They're here. Take cover behind the pillars."

Penny saw the Doctor struggling to pull the dead SniperBot behind cover so she ran over and helped, dodging bullets along the way. Together they pulled it behind a pillar and the Doctor began to tinker with it straight away.

"You know we're completely surrounded?" Yasmin announced to the Time Lady.

"Yep!"

"With no way out whatsoever." Graham added from behind one of the targets.

"I could try and push them back a little with my powers." Penelope suggested, looking around the pillar slightly, only to immediately hide again because she almost got shot in the face.

The Doctor did not look up from her position on the floor where she was tinkering. "Not possible. You can only harness regeneration energy. Now, if you were a part of the Anoulian royal family, you'd have the power to turn that regeneration energy into some really powerful kinetic energy and that would be really useful right now, but you're not."

"Actually-"

The Doctor cut her off before she could even get a second word in, causing Penny to instantly shut her mouth. "Here's the lesson. The answer was on the floor. You just reached for the wrong thing."

"What are you talking about?" Inquired Graham.

"The best thing about robots is, they're powerful. Literally packed with power. Super-powered." She triggered a pulse that radiates out through the ruins. All the robots fell over simultaneously. 

Penny smiled at her bonded's achievement, but didn't say anything. She couldn't help it, the Doctor had underestimated her abilities just like Penelope's mother used to and it made the Anoulian second guess herself. If the her bonded didn't think that she was capable, how could she think she was?

"Wow!" Ryan exclaimed in astonishment.

"Okay. Now that was impressive." Graham complimented.

The Doctor grinned, ignoring the little twinge in her stomach that told her she had upset her soulmate. There wasn't time for an apology right now. "Thank you. I aim to please."

"What exactly did you just do?" Asked Yaz. 

"Electromagnetic pulse. Basically fried their systems. I reckon we've got about five minutes before they reboot and recover. See? Brains beat bullets. Come on."

Penelope followed them silently, no longer as confident in herself as she was five minutes ago.

"Let's try through here." The Doctor said as she walked into a large hallway where Epzo and Angstrom were. She looked behind her to make sure Penny was still following. She was. The Doctor didn't know what she said that had upset her bonded, but she needed to apologise soon.

"What just happened?" Epzo asked, grimacing from his wound on his chest from the Sniperbots. 

"What do you care? You don't care about anything." The Doctor retorted, gently taking the Angstrom's tracker out of her hands, "Ooo, tracker, thanks." 

"How did you even do that?" Angstrom questioned, walking next to the Doctor.

"Did I not mention? I am really smart." The Doctor boasted. 

"Thank you."

"You are very welcome. Amazing what you can learn from a SniperBot. Like where their control commands emanate from. Also, maps. Which leads us... here." The time traveller voiced, stopping in front of a sealed hatch. She sonicked the handle, turning it so that they could pull it open.

"I want answers to this planet and I think they're down there." The Doctor said, looking down the hatch.

"You sure about that?" Graham asked.

"Nope. Come on." The Doctor chirped, hopping onto the ladder and climbing down.

"My day just keeps getting better and better." Penny sighed, going down next, followed by Angstrom, Epzo, Graham, Yaz and then lastly, Ryan.