𝕳arry and Darlene quietly chew on the Chinese Darlene brought half an hour ago, their eyes stay fixated on the television screen but their minds wander throughout time and space both of them thinking, worrying.

From the corner of his eye, Harry throws her a small glance observing her watch 'The Oc' show with a silent brooding concentration while she mindlessly fumbles with the noodles in the takeout box.

Sighing, he places his own container down hoping to gain her attention.

But she continues looking at the screen.

"Darling".

Her mouth freezes at the sound of his voice, shoulders going stiff at once at the sound of that word uttered so helplessly from his lips.

Slowly and cautiously, she turns her eyes to his.

"What are we doing?", he mumbles sadly, sorrowful at the thought of them acting like a couple with serious marriage problems.

She showed up thirty minutes ago with the takeout and suggested they watch some tv while eating, and that's what they've been doing.

Watching and eating.

Never once talking about the elephant in the room.

Never once uttering a word to each other about the argument they had earlier today.

It's as if avoiding it will almost let them believe for a minute that everything's alright.

Like even simple communication hasn't become a fearful entity in their midst.

She throws her chopstick into the box and places it on the coffee table, settling back with her knees close to her chest.

"I'm not good with this. Please don't make me do this", she pleads quietly averting her gaze.

"Do what?", his voice is full of dread.

Darlene gulps staring at the carpet, she clutches on to her knees in a tight embrace feeling herself drown inside, slowly and gradually sinking to the bottom.

She can't voice it out. She just can't.

She's seen her parents do this before. Seen her mum go through with this twice, intimacy is a dangerous path for someone like her.

Someone who hasn't had very many role models to base her life upon, someone who's always led her life running from love every time it gets hard.

She can't say the words.

But it's the silence that breaks her the most.

It's the look in his eyes, frantic and afraid. The once bright emerald now reduced to a pale dark green.

He watches her fight with herself.

He watches her weigh out her options.

And then come the words.

"I can't do this anymore, I'm sorry".

Her voice is small, strained with pain and exhaustion like saying those words out loud took everything in her and more.

It's a scary feeling; love.

But what's even more frightening is sawing off the bridge, the tiny tiny bridge that takes you to places unimaginable that makes you feel a little less alone in this cruel world because for the first time in your life, you're not walking alone.

Your hand holds someone else's.

And the warmth of that other hand is enough to keep you from cutting down the once abandoned bridge.

But soon, there comes a time when that hand turns cold and you need to flee because as a kid, you were never trained to live out in the cold. You've always craved warmth and the freezing icy touch of the hand suffocates you.

So, even though you've made it halfway through the bridge, it feels like time to tear it down.

Right off the hinges, break it apart, let the wood chips fall to the ground in the aftermath.

But at least you're not cold anymore.

"Hey, hey. What's going on?".

He places a gentle hand on her back, her body shakes with the anticipation of tears catching up in her throat.

She shakes her head scooting away from him, his hand falling away as she does so.

"This isn't me, Harry. I don't just take a flight to a completely different continent because I'm missing someone. I don't just take off without telling anyone, especially when my mum needs me there because guess what? Things aren't as good between her and Ed anymore. Mia's finals are coming up and she is freaking out, her anxiety is at a whole new level. Joe and Teddy are practically begging to get out of that hostile house because they're always fighting, Harry".

She wipes away the tears now freely streaming down her face.

She takes in shaky breaths, her hazy eyes looking right at him while he struggles to keep himself together and not reach out to pull her into his chest like he has done a million little times.

"I can't", Darlene exhales loudly, "I'm sorry. This isn't-this isn't me. You're busy, you have so much going on. All of this", she gestures between them, "just feels like a liability now. I can't just be a girlfriend and leave whenever I'm missing you because that's every day, Harry. I miss you every day. And that's not me. I was never like this. I'm supposed to have my shit together".

She goes quiet after that, the sound from the television cuts through the piercing silence.

Her mind refuses to breathe, her heart refuses to settle down.

Harry subtly wipes at the corner of his eye catching a tear before it falls.

He breathes in allowing himself to shake out his nerves.

"You're a really good person", he laughs sadly rubbing at his eyes.

Darlene tries to swallow down the lump forming in her throat.

"But I'm not giving up on this. On us. I can't, okay? I'm sorry if you feel like you're changing because of me but . . . . I fucking love you, Darlene. I'm not just gonna let you give this all up because you're scared".

He shakes his head.

"Because I'm scared too. But I also know that I can't imagine my life without you. I need you, flaws and all. I want you here. And I'm ready to do whatever it is that you want me to do if it means that I get to have you, every day in my life".

His shaking hands find her trembling ones.

"Please don't regret this. Please don't give up on us".

Through tear-filled eyes she looks back at him, nervous and scared.

"I think-", she blinks, "I think I just need some . . . . I just need a little break, okay? Don't-don't stop your life because of me. I would never ask you to do that but just . . . . let me sort myself out. Let me do what I have to do, I don't wanna feel like I'm making a mistake every time I decide to be your girlfriend over everything else".

He frowns, rubbing a hand down his face.

"A break? For how long?".

She closes her eyes breathing deeply.

"Until we can make this work. You have too much on your plate right now and so do I. We need to straighten out our priorities before we get into anything again".

"Darlene-".

"Please don't fight me on this. It's what I need to do", she pulls herself up gathering her jacket and bag thrown over the back of the couch.

Harry gets up reaching out a hand to stop her but she steps back.

Her walls are back up and there's nothing he can do to tear them down.

"Darlene", his voice cracks, eyes brimming with tears.

"I'm sorry", she mumbles walking away.

Darlene harshly wipes at her eyes as she pulls the door open and steps out into the breezy Spring night, the wind touching her tear streaked cheeks with the soft promise of bitter, cold departure.

***
ITS HARRY'S BIRTHDAY OMH BABY'S 29 NOW IM GONNA SOB
also no hating on darlene ok bff's scared and hurting and honestly i DONT blame her

pls bear w me here while i continue breaking your hearts 🫂