Rosie wasn't angry at Bellamy.

She wasn't sure it was in her to be angry at him. He could leave her without a goodbye, but still, he was her family. She knew that's just the way it would always be.

Still, she couldn't hide her disappointment when he revealed he had quit the guard. It was exactly the type of self-torture she had expected he'd inflict upon himself, but it still killed her nonetheless.

Rosie sat in the memorial for those lost at the Mount Weather attack. She couldn't truly listen, because her thoughts raced too much. Every so often her eyes would fall upon Bellamy, whose legs shook in his chair. She knew him well enough to know he was overwhelmed with guilt.

"Who here will speak for Michelle Goldsman?"

The name pulled Rosie from her daydreams, taking the wind out of her. The name felt like a punch to the stomach, and she could feel the color drain from her already pale skin. Her father nudged her arm, and together they walked up to the front of the room.

The crowd looked upon Rosie as if she had risen from the dead. Sometimes, she wondered if she had. It would certainly explain the bags under her eyes, the long knotted hair, and the frail body. It also would explain why she felt nothing but empty.

"My wife was a fighter,"

Rosie held back a snort.

"She fought for what she believed in—always."

Rosie couldn't disagree. The woman believed she was a monster, and she fought to prove that every step of the way.

"She was headstrong and stubborn, but I loved those things about her." He paused to inhale, clearly becoming choked up. Rosie was unsure of what to do, because physical affection had never been her strong suit, but she offered a simple pat on the back nonetheless. Her father gave her a sad smile, and wordlessly they understood one another. "I don't think a day will go by where I won't miss Michelle, but she would want me—us—to be strong, so that's what we'll do."

With that, Gregg Goldsman placed a pressed Lily upon the budding shrine dedicated to those they had lost and began to make his way back to his seat. Rosie followed suit, truthfully having no words to say and no intention to string some together just to keep up appearances.

The thought occurred to Rosie that to all of these people, she was still the silent murderer that had left just a few months before. None of them watched her growth, watched her find her voice. They were not there when she spoke about what had happened to her for the first time. No one knew that side of her, except for John Murphy.

"May we meet again," Pike spoke when he returned to the front of the room, and the crowd echoed those words after him. "Who will speak for Gina Martin?"

Rosie watched as Bellamy tentatively stood and made his way towards the front of the room. She truthfully wasn't sure she could even picture Gina, but she felt the pain of her death simply because Bellamy did. If he was hurt, so was she.

"Gina was real." Bellamy started, glancing around the room. His eyes fell upon Rosie for only a brief moment, but she hoped their stare could bring him comfort. "She always saw the light, even here. She deserved better."

With that, he turned and placed a book on the memorial. It wasn't even a second later before the doors were swinging open and guards were marching in. The crowd murmured amongst herself and a feeling of dread immediately set in for Rosie. The leader of the group immediately made his way to Pike and began to speak in a tone just above a whisper.

"I just saw 'em. Whole encampment. Three hundred strong." He paused to lean in closer to Pike, but Rosie was close enough that she could still hear. "Just behind the tree ridge. It's a bunch of 'em. It's grounders. They're coming."

Pike exchanged a glance back at Abby and Kane. When Pike relayed the message, neither Abby nor Kane were shocked.

"We know, Indra radioed."

The room's murmurs grew stronger. It was clear there was no worse place for the people of Arkadia to find out their chancellor was working with grounders than at a memorial, caused by grounders. Rosie bit down on her thumb nail, already not liking the turn this was taking.

"Sir, are we under attack?" A voice spoke from the crowd, people standing all around. Rosie's father was among those rising, his concern painted on his face.

"No, we are not under attack," Kane stepped forward, his voice raising over the concerns of the crowd. "Their commander sent a peacekeeping force to ensure that we can defend against any further attacks from the Ice Nation."

"Peacekeeping force?" Pike retorted incredulously. "Even you can't be that naive, Markus."

"Watch your tone, you're talking to the next chancellor." Abby warned. She turned her attention away from Pike back to the crowd. "We're all grieving, this has been hard on all of us. But we can't let anger drive our policy."

"Anger is our policy!" Pike retorted. "If they're here to defend us, as you say, then tell them to go home. We can defend ourselves!"

Rosie drew in a deep breath as her father echoed his support with others in the crowd. She had been through too much in the past few months to ever follow a man like Pike. It was simple to see that he wasn't so different then Jaha. They were both charismatic men who played to the crowds emotions. The only difference was while Jaha played to their fears, Pike was now playing to their anger and grief.

Quickly, their outrage turned to violence. Rosie was quickly on her feet as she watched a man hurl a rock towards Lincoln, Octavia's boyfriend. She was among those pushing against the people fighting to get towards him. No matter her size or how weak she had become, she never would sit by and let people prey on someone different than them.

A punch to her right cheek sent her flying back, throwing her onto the cold metal flooring. In the moments before it all went dark, she heard a whistle, then things went still.

❀

Rosie awoke to the familiarity of her and Bellamy's room before she had left. While she was tucked gently in to her bed, she spotted Bellamy on his, his leg bouncing incessantly. Slowly, she sat up and raised her fingers to her cheekbone, feeling the sting from what she knew was a fresh bruise.

"God, you scared me Rosie." The bouncing stopped and he shook his head back and forth. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"I don't know why you're scolding me," She sighed. "I saw you fighting right on beside me."

"I'm also not severely malnourished and weak," He retorted, looking exhausted.

"Ouch, weak?" Rosie feigned hurt as she flexed her bicep. Although it was meant to be a joke to lighten the mood, something she had learned all too well from Murphy, the sight of her bony arm even made her cringe. She was quick to lower it back down. "Don't worry, I'll be back to health and able to kick your ass in no time."

Bellamy cracked a smile, but his confusion soon betrayed him. He bit down on his lip as he looked at her, clearly wanting to say something but unsure if he should. Finally, he seemed to make up his mind.

"What happened to you?" He questioned. When Rosie returned his look of confusion, he pressed on. "You're... different, than before you left."

"Bad different?" Rosie cocked her head to the side.

"No, not necessarily, just... different."

The girl wouldn't even try to pretend she didn't know what he meant. Of course she was different, because everything had changed for her. She would never be that quiet girl that followed Bellamy Blake around again. She was unable to put into words how not only the trip, but also a certain criminal, had completely turned her world upside down. So instead, she changed the subject.

"Why'd you quit the guard?" She chose to ask the question that had been plaguing her all morning.

Bellamy seemed to harden, and she knew her question had brought Gina to mind. She didn't mean to hurt him, but she also couldn't watch him blame without saying anything.

"I failed in my duties, and people are dead because of it," He glanced away. "I think it's pretty clear I don't deserve to be apart of the guard."

"But we need people like you," Rosie swung her legs so they hung off the side of her bed and she leaned closer to him. "If we have a guard made up entirely of Pike and his followers, that outburst we had today won't be the last one."

Bellamy's eyebrows furrowed at her words and he turned back to face her.

"Pike's right. This has nothing to do with him or his followers."

Rosie's mouth fell slightly agape, not expecting to hear those words out of his mouth. She was certain Bellamy had been beside her, fighting off the people trying to get at Lincoln. Could it really be possible that he was aligned with Pike's views?

"Bell, you can't be serious," She almost laughed. "From what you and my dad told me, we have no reason not to trust the grounders. Clarke is at the capital now, and the nation responsible for the attack is being held accountable."

"We can't trust them," He spat angrily. "I trusted them and look where that got me!"

Rosie flinched back at his words. Angry tones always seemed to trigger her anxiety. Now, she had to make herself aware of her breathing, working to keep it regular.

"You need to calm down," She spoke soothingly. Even if she disagreed with Bellamy, she couldn't handle being yelled at, so she was prepared to stop the argument there.

"No, I won't calm down," His anger only seemed to rise. He stood from where he was seated on his bed and took a step closer to the girl. "You're not serious, are you Rosie?"

"Yes, I am."

"You should be angry, just as angry as me! You should want justice!" Bellamy shouted. "The grounders killed your mother!"

Something inside of Rosie snapped, and she recognized that perhaps that's exactly what he wanted. He wanted his words to hurt her just enough to make her feel the fire and pain that he felt. What he hadn't intended was for that fire to now be directed towards him. Quickly, she was on her feet, sizing up the much larger boy.

"And the sky people killed me!" Her words came out like daggers, but she was far from done. "They killed a 12 year old girl the day they locked her up for the crimes of perverted old men. They killed a 16 year old girl when they sent her down to Earth to find out just how safe it would be for them. And I'm certain they'd kill a 17 year old quiet freak now for nothing more than their comfort."

There was a beat, where she paused and scanned the boy's face. The regret of his words had already seemed to settle in, but she was not yet satisfied.

"You don't get to decide what emotions I feel, she was my mother. And she was cruel to me. I'm certain if she were still alive, she'd still be cruel to me. So while I can mourn the death of innocent lives lost, you don't get to tell me that I should want revenge for a woman who spent the last years of her life wishing I were dead."

With that, Rosie turned and made her way towards their door. While she didn't know where she was going, she knew she couldn't be there right now.

"Where are you going?" Bellamy called after her.

"Don't worry about it." She retorted, and then she was gone.

Her feet moved, and while she may not have consciously thought about where she was going, her body knew. They carried her down the weaving halls and past the people with their wandering eyes and whispers. They carried her to a room that she had never once visited during her last time in Arkadia. They carried her to John Murphy's room.

As she stood outside, staring at the metal door that she knew he wasn't behind, she wondered if he was thinking of her too.

A/N: What the frick it's been so long since I updated. I know you all probably don't really care why, but for the ones that do I'll explain. I've been extremely busy working two jobs pre-pandemic, and now with one job during the pandemic, I've been picking up extra hours and still working all the time. But I've fcking missed Rosie.

Anyways, I hope you like this chapter and seeing Rosie's growth. My girl is so strong it kills me!

Also, I wanted to warn here, at the first chapter, that this book will be slightly AU. I personally despise season 3 and have to make changes accordingly. Plus, if I didn't, this whole story would take place with Rosie & John apart, and that ain't happening kiddos.

Thanks for sticking around and giving this story so much attention lately, I hope I'm back to update soon!!