Roseanne Goldsman had been to hell and back.

As she stood outside the gates of Arkadia, her stomach was in knots. She should have been excited, yet all she could focus on was the aching in her legs and exhaustion clouding her mind. She glanced to her right then her left at the empty spaces beside her. The empty spaces that he should have stood in. Perhaps it was her exhaustion, or perhaps her anxieties, but she surely didn't feel like she was out of hell yet.

She heard shouts from the various posts above, but she couldn't bring herself to squint against the sun at them. She knew, at any moment, she could collapse. She wanted desperately to fall to her knees, to become somebody else's problem as they dragged her in the gates, but she couldn't. She had made the mistake of running away, and now she would return with her head held high.

"Open up!"

As the gates slowly opened, two guards approached her with their guns drawn. The sight almost made her laugh, because she knew how John would react. He would snidely remark how he told her they wouldn't be welcomed with open arms. She bit her tongue and raised her arms in the air, ensuring they saw she meant no harm. With her tattered clothes and matted red hair, she wasn't surprised that no one recognized her.

No words were spoken as the guards slowly approached her. She wanted to roll her eyes, but she resisted the urge. Although it had been months since she had been here, she couldn't remember such an intense reaction to people at the gates. Her eyes focused in on the guard directly in front of her, the only one whose face was fully exposed, and furrowed her eyebrows when she recognized him. It was Shawn Gillmer.

The odd part of him standing before her was that it had been years since she'd last seen the man. Like, pre-arrest amount of time. She was certain he hadn't been there in the short time she had spent in Arkadia. Which meant, farm station had survived.

"State your name and purpose," The man barked. Even if she wasn't in such a rundown state, she wouldn't expect him to recognize her. She bared no resemblance to the little wide-eyed girl of the ark.

"Roseanne Goldsman," She spoke up, her voice coming out raspy. "I'm coming home."

❀

Rosie sat in the cafeteria, a blanket thrown around her shoulders and a cup of tea in her hands. She hated the taste of tea, but something about the cups warmth was bringing her solace. Her stomach grumbled as she awaited whatever food they were preparing her. As she glanced around, she was shocked to find it was almost empty. No one loitered around or even smiled. She felt foolish for expecting happiness in a place where John Murphy was not.

"Sweetheart?" A voice called from behind her, the traces of disbelief lacing every word.

Slowly, Rosie turned in her seat. In the doorway, stood her father. Somehow, he looked older than she remembered. Wrinkles lined his eyes. The bags underneath of them were unmistakable, as if he hadn't slept in days. As soon as she sat down her mug and raised from her seat, he was running towards her and enveloping her in his arms. Her blanket fell to the ground, but neither seemed to notice.

"I knew you'd come back to me," His voice cracked, and Rosie wasn't sure if he was crying. It certainly wasn't the response she had expected. "I've been asking everyday for a sign, and here you are."

Rosie pulled back slowly, though his hands remained on her shoulders. Something wasn't right, and now she could fully tell. Tears were streaming down her father's face, and the cafeteria was still too quiet. Where was everyone?

"I take it mom wasn't as happy to hear I returned," She bit back. She decided that's what her weird gut feeling had to be.

Her father's face fell instantly. His hands dropped to his side and he lowered his eyes to the ground, as if he couldn't bring himself to look at her. Rosie watched him intensely, wishing he would just admit it. She wanted to hear him say it; her mother no longer loved her.

"Rosie, you just got back, maybe this should wait—" He started, but was cut off by another person entering the cafeteria.

"Rosie?"

It was him. Rosie didn't have to peer around her father to know. His voice was all too familiar, and she hadn't realized how much she missed the sound until then. It was Bellamy.

The girl glanced up at her father, who was already looking at her with knowing eyes. She took that as enough of go-ahead and brushed passed the older man into the arms of her best friend. The boy was stiff, although he loosened up as she melded into him.

When they pulled apart, Rosie beamed up at the boy, but something was different. His face remained stern, and he had matching under-eye bags to her father. It was apparent that no one in Arkadia was sleeping very much.

"I never thought I was going to see you again," Tears began to pool in Bellamy's eyes as he brushed a piece of her hair behind her ear.

"Well, maybe if you hadn't left me a note and disappeared in the middle of the night, you wouldn't have had to worry about that," Rosie teased back sarcastically. John truly had rubbed off on her, fore no matter how serious her father and Bellamy were, she couldn't help but throw in a snide remark.

"It isn't funny," Bellamy shook his head, not sharing in her enthusiasm. "You could've died out there, what were you thinking?"

"Woah woah woah, it's not like I went alone," Rosie's smile fell as she began to grow defensive. "And like you're one to talk! You went into the mountain, alone, knowing how dangerous it was!"

"Roseanne," Her father snapped, drawing her attention back to him. "What Bellamy did was extremely noble, he was trying to keep our people safe from that wretched place."

Rosie furrowed her eyebrows together, her suspicions deepening. Her father had never spoken highly of Bellamy, so why would he start now? Something was going on, and her blood began to boil at the thought of the people closest to her keeping it a secret.

"What's going on?" She took a step back from Bellamy, but remained a safe distance from her father as well. She glanced between the two, waiting for one of them to explain. "What aren't you two telling me?"

"She doesn't know yet?" Bellamy's jaw clenched as he looked on at the older man.

"I was only with her for a moment before you came in, and she just got back. She needs to rest." Her father argued. Rosie couldn't stand them talking about her as if she wasn't right there.

"She deserves to know," Bellamy shook his head, before returning his eyes back to the frail girl. He softened a bit upon looking at her, before drawing in a deep breath and speaking. "Yesterday, 49 of our people were killed in Mount Weather."

"The delinquents?" Rosie furrowed her eyebrows together, he stomach sinking. Could that many of the kids she came down with really be dead?

"No, no," Bellamy shook his head. "We freed the delinquents from Mount Weather a while ago, killing almost all of their people in the process. We've been getting supplies from there."

"Supplies? From the same people who were essentially committing genocide against the grounders?" Rosie raised her eyebrows, causing Bellamy to clench his jaw. He persisted nonetheless.

"I got a tip, that there would be an attack on Clarke in the capital while she was doing some ceremony. So, a group of us went to stop it," He paused, checking to see if the girl was still following.

The information was hard for the girl to keep track of. She hadn't even been aware that the delinquents were freed, and now she was supposed to just accept that Clarke was in the grounder capital for a ceremony? Her mind was spinning with all of the information she had missed.

"It was a trap," Bellamy lowered his eyes to the ground, not wanting to look at the girl as tears streamed down his face. "The ice nation staged an attack on Mount Weather, everyone inside died. And it was my fault. If I had just been there..."

Rosie softened at his words, no longer angry at the boy for telling her she shouldn't have left. How could she stay angry at him? He was hurting, and he was lashing out because of it. She took a step closer to him and placed a hand on his arm, drawing his eyes back up to her own.

"That's not your fault, Bell, you can't blame yourself," She shook her head.

The boy snorted and looked away, refusing to hold eye contact with the girl. She recognized that sort of self blame, because she had seen it in herself, and she had seen it in John.

"You say that now, but..." Bellamy sniffled, then regained his composure. "Will you still feel that way when you find out who we lost?"

Rosie dropped her hand and felt her heart sink. There weren't many people she cared about amongst the arkadians, but his words sent a chill down her spine. She wasn't sure she could handle any moe loss in such a short amount of time.

"Who was in the mountain?" Rosie pressed her lips in a firm line, drawing back on the coldness she knew so well. Being quiet and closing herself off ensured she couldn't get hurt, so perhaps she needed to bring that side of her back.

"Bellamy..." Her father warned, taking a step closer to the two.

"Who, Bellamy?" Rosie demanded above her father, shocking the two. They had never seen the girl be so forceful. Some part of Rosie knew that neither would recognize the girl she was now.

"Your mom," He finally answered, bringing his eyes back to hers. It was clear he was torturing himself, forcing himself to look in the face of the people he hurt.

Rosie stumbled back a bit, knocking into the chair behind her and taking a seat. Her mind raced as she tried to process the information. Her mother was gone. The cruel, heartless woman who had made it clear Rosie was no longer a daughter to her. Despite recognizing their differences, Rosie couldn't ignore the hurt in her chest.

"Say something," Bellamy pleaded softly.

Rosie raised her eyes to the boy, an anger growing inside of her that neither man had ever known. She was wrong to think that the gates of Arcadia signified a return from hell. Now, she was sure, she was certainly still there.

"You want me to say something to reinforce the self-loathing you're feeling for yourself, but I'm not going to," Rosie shook her head. She wouldn't feed into the boy.

She lifted her eyes towards the ceiling and focused on controlling her breathing. She realized that every time her emotions ran wild, John was there to console her. And now, he was gone. She had no one to bring her back down to Earth.

Her only option was to return to the girl she was before. To keep her mouth shut and her eyes down. If she didn't let people in, they couldn't hurt her. She'd have to put on a cold front to push everyone away, and deal with her problems in private like she's always done.

"I think I need to get some rest," Rosie stood, wiping her palms off on her pants. She needed to escape, and she needed any excuse to get away.

"But—" Bellamy tried to protest, but Rosie brushed past him without another word.

She wasn't sure where she was going, because she really didn't have a room anymore. So, she just kept walking down various halls, never raising her eyes to the people who passed by.

Eventually, she ended up in a corridor that was vacant. She allowed herself to glance around once before placing her back against a cool metal wall and sliding down it. Then, she cried. She wasn't sure if she'd ever stop crying.

She couldn't help but wonder, maybe John was right. Maybe she should have stayed behind.

Surely, blissful unawareness had to be better than this.

A/N: Ah! prologue is up! This is sad as frick, and not that much happens, but I needed to establish how different things will be for Rosie this go around, because Arkadia has changed. Anyways! I'm so excited for this. :')