I feel like I lost my innocence in a race I wasn't ready for, and now I can't have it back.
-(Zion Boselli)

       𝐋𝐢𝐚

There are almost eight billion people in the world, eight billion hearts, yet my heart chose to beat for the most unsuited of them.

It pounded in my chest with a force that was possible to ignite a fire at my first sight of him. His tall, lean frame, yet suitable for driving a race car, fitted perfectly in a black ensemble, a baseball cap that hid his dark hair, and green eyes sparkling with a knowing glint when they landed on me. Like he knew a secret about me, and he did, only him and I did.

What the hell was he playing at?

I stood at the back while he hugged everyone, waiting patiently for my turn. I couldn't stop my eyes from running over his body, stopping at his throat, the moving Adam's apple as he laughed, his arms around the youngest girls of our family.

How did the boy I grew up with turn into this heartthrob?

Once it was my turn, he drew me to him as if he had been waiting for the chance for a while, leaning on my shoulder, smelling my hair almost loudly.

"Stop that!" I told him, wanting to draw out his arms but wanting to prolong the embrace.

"Stop what?" he purred, rubbing his nose on the side of my neck.

"Sniffing me," I said forcefully, feeling hypocritical because I was savoring his ocean scent.

"You feel like Cola." I accused, pulling out of his arms. Cola was our labrador retriever. He laughed, slowly letting me go, one of his arms remaining on my waist for more than a heartbeat.

When we were done hugging Luca, we all went to the house. Zion had still not returned, which was really annoying because he was the reason for this gathering.

Although Luca's stuff was not as much as Serena's, I noticed they were more for a person who was not staying for more than three days. I didn't ask, but I intended to do so later.

I went to the kitchen to prepare a proper breakfast for myself while everyone else gathered in the living room other than Luca, who'd gone to his room.

"Need some help?" I smiled at Matteo and shook my head.

"I'm only making mine; everyone else is old enough to make their own." he smiled, opening the fridge; he must not have found what he was looking for because he closed it without removing anything else and then left.

Alone again, I took out one egg, tomato, onion, and a half avocado and then boiled the egg. I cut each of them into small pieces and then dipped them into a bowl.

"Disgusting," said Zion. He was leaning on the door, smiling like he wasn't the reason people took time out of their busy schedules to have this emergency meeting. As if he didn't know I was angry with him. But I had not seen him in three months; his blue eyes so like our mother's shone with playfulness, his arms held out towards me, waiting for me to run into them. How could I stay angry with him?

I ran to him, and his arms wrapped around me tightly. "It's good to see you, Lia," I felt tears trickle down my cheeks at the emotion in his voice. "It's good to see you too. How is Italy?" my voice sounded stronger than I expected.

"The same. Though I have to say, it's fantastic living with Luc again."

I bet. I thought, stepping out of his arms. He was so tall, just like our father.

Wiping off my tears, he grinned, kissed my cheeks, and walked to the kitchen aisle, surveying my breakfast like I was about to eat dog food.

"Can't you make a proper breakfast?" I chuckled at the aversion in his voice.

I didn't ask what he meant by that because I knew. For a guy as fit, as he was, Zion was the perfect example of bad eating habits. He could eat a whole meal every two hours, especially when we went home because our mother is a self-taught chef, and so was Luc's mom. Our food at home is like the food in the best hotels, only better.

He was about to say something when Matteo entered with two shopping bags. "What did you buy?" I asked, my eyes popping out with shock. "What your fridge is lacking," he replied vaguely, putting them on top of the aisle. "Zion, would you grab the other bags from the car for me?"

"Sure," He rushed out while I was left staring at Matteo, waiting for him to unpack to find what it was that my fridge didn't have.

There was too much. When Zion breezed in with the rest of the bags, I knew Luc wasn't leaving after the meeting.

He was staying with me. I shouldn't have doubted it when I saw his luggage. Matteo knew this; that is why he felt the need to add foodstuff.

"How long will you guys be staying?" my voice sounded normal, but my heart waited nervously for the answer.

"I'm leaving with Serena," Zion replied as if I should have known that.

"I'm not asking you. I'm asking Matteo." I glared at him with irritation.

How on brand for siblings to come from hugs to annoyance in minutes?

Matteo shrugged, "a week perhaps." he was lying, I could tell from the flutter of his eyes, which brought an important point to my attention—he knew about Luca and me. He must know. I'm not sure how I felt about someone knowing about that other than Luca, maybe because, at the back of my mind, I always suspected Matteo knew; our mothers must know too if I was to apply that same logic.

I stared long at him, and he did the same until I took my breakfast and left the kitchen.
Entering the living room with a bowl in my hand, I saw Sienna and Alessa huddle together, whispering and giggling while Nic flipped the tv, constantly looking up the stairs waiting for Luc to come down.

Of all of us, Nic is probably the only one who worshipped the ground Luc walked on.

"Do you think Luca slept?"

"No." I immediately said. I knew because of the memory of his lips lightly touching my shoulder.

"Maybe he is taking a shower. " I mumbled, taking a bite of my salad, thinking it might be possible to take a nap while everyone was eating their breakfast.

"Okay," came Nic's soft voice.

I took my bowl back to the kitchen when I was done to find Zion and Matteo making pancakes for the whole family. I didn't say anything; I just put it on the sink and left.

I was sure Serena was asleep, so I didn't go to her room; I went to mine and fell on top of the bed and slept. This time my brain shut down, perhaps because I had already seen Luc and had gotten over that dreaded moment.

I woke up in the afternoon when everyone had eaten lunch. I wiped the sleep off my eyes and applied a little lip gloss before leaving.

As I walked out, my eyes were looking for one of them. He was seated next to Nicolo, his leg across the ankle and an iPad resting comfortably on it. I rushed past the room when he glanced at me, almost tripping over in a hurry to disappear into the kitchen.

The caterers had brought our food; it smelled as good as it tasted. I ate alone, scrolling through my phone, enjoying the peace and the laughter of my family. Luca had not followed me as I had dreaded, and part of me was disappointed.

I cleaned my plate after eating and put it on the rack before sitting back down to continue using my phone. Checking the time, I saw it was some minutes to 3 pm; since I was getting bored, I stood up to leave, but I heard a noise coming from outside; I looked through the kitchen window to see Zion, Russo, Matteo, Dev and Zion's bodyguard Donato playing football. I stood for a long time watching them, their joy and passion evident from their laughter and arguments that almost brought them into a brawl.

The ground resembled a football ground, with green grass well catered for. For men who had nothing growing up, our fathers thought of every amenity we might need to be happy. They meant it when they said we would want for nothing.

"You're hiding from me," my heart stood still; I couldn't breathe for a while. He had a hoarse voice that always surprised me when he sneaked up on me.

"I'm watching football," he came to stand beside me, too closely; his body touched mine.

His ocean scent filled my nostrils; his presence became my only focus.

"We need to talk, Lia." He cut off my thought process when he spoke, turning to face me.

"I know," I replied without looking back at him. He had changed into another pair of black jeans and a mustard denim baggy shirt and loafers.

"Not now, though." He nodded, gently touching my hair.

"Tonight, then?"

"Tomorrow morning while everyone is still sleeping," I told him, taking a step from him so his hand dropped.

"Tonight in your bedroom." I couldn't believe him.

In my bedroom, at night, talking about the time we had sex, was he joking?

"Don't mess with me, Luc. You've got no chance." I said with exasperation.

"In my bedroom, then?" He smiled, one of those crooked smiles that had him bite his lower lip.

I intensely stared at him without blinking. I don't know what he saw in my eyes, but he sobered up and told me, "I will do nothing you don't want me to do, but I'm comfortable with the venue, but please, Lia, it has to be tonight. I can't take this tension and avoidance between us anymore."

He was right; we had to talk; perhaps it would help us move from what we were to what we could be.

"I miss you," he whispered. I looked away without replying because I did miss him too, but I couldn't say it.

"I will text you."

Why the hell did I say that? Why didn't I just say I will let him once I thought about it? What I said sounded like we were going on a romantic rendezvous other than a serious awkward talk.

"I didn't know you had my number." I scowled at him and moved towards the door. He strode up to me until we were side by side, walking out to watch the live football match which everyone was now watching. I didn't know which side to take, so I cheered on both; Luc gave me an amused glance that made me feel some sort of way.

After the match, we all assembled in the living room. It was time to start the meeting.

Luca spoke first.

Zion had killed someone one night while he walked the bowels of Rome, I knew that already. He said it was an accident—we believed him, but the meeting was about him wanting to tell our mother because she told him to tell him if he ever killed a person. It was also the first time one of us had committed murder, whether an accident on not, it happened. Our legacy was closing on us sooner than we wanted.

"You can't tell her?" I said. This had been my stand from the moment I heard it.

"She told me to tell her!" he answered back as if that was the only thing that mattered.

"Have you thought about what this would do to her?" Serena asked, her soft yet bold voice charging the room with a force we all recognized.

"She is married to my father," Zion argued.

"Which is not the point. Your father is her husband; you're her son. She probably talked to you when she was pregnant, telling you how much she didn't want you to end up like your father." Serena continued, all while we all sat silent, even Luc.

He shrugged. "I don't want to lie to her," there was something endearing and painful to watch about him struggling with this decision, as well as the weight of having killed someone.

"You're not lying. What she doesn't know won't hurt her."

"That is lying by omission."  Zion insisted, getting up to take a glass of water from the dining table. We waited silently for him to come back; once he sat down, Nic looked up at him and asked, "you killed someone? Where was Donato?"

Donato cleared his voice," He sneaked out and didn't tell me." He said in a contrite voice. 

"You broke the rules," Nic added, pointing his gaze at Zion. He might be one of the youngest, but he knew these rules by heart; we were all raised on them.

"It was one fucking day. I made a mistake." He swore.

"And then left the body lying in a ditch!"

"What the hell was I supposed to do, Lia? Drag it on my back?"

"Not left it behind. What if you left some evidence?" Serena asked, touching her temple as if she was getting a headache.

"They could have caught me. I could hear people coming toward me. I had to run."

"Did you at least go back after that?" This was from Sienna. It was really crazy that we didn't find it weird or wrong for a sixteen-year-old to sit in a discussion about murder, the same as Nic.

"Yes. Donato and I went back."

"And?" Sienna prompted.

"The body wasn't there. And nobody knew about it."

"Actually, the neighborhood cobbler mentioned, without us asking, that there had been a murder and the police confirmed the man was killed in a mugging incident." Donato volunteered. "He was in a known gang."

"Was there a struggle?"

Zion shook his head. "I swung on him when he sneaked up on me."

"So how did they conclude it was a mugging accident?"

"Our fathers." Luca finally spoke.

My brother suddenly looked at Donato as if he had betrayed him. "I didn't tell."

"You really think you're going to kill someone without them knowing or branch out in a godforsaken place without someone on your back? Do you?" Luca asked Zion. "They cleaned up your mess."

"Nobody was behind me, I checked."

"You have GPS tracking on your phone. There are probably two people other than Donato assigned to know where you are at all times." There was calm in Luc's voice. This was why he was the heir apparent. He was never emotional, always calm and reasonable. Serena once said if not for his interests and physical appearance that matched uncle Bruno, anyone would be forgiven for thinking uncle Rom was his father. They had the same personality, quiet and stingy with words.

"So they know?" Zion released an incredulous gasp, leaning back in his seat almost in defeat.

"Yes they do." Luca said, nodding.

"First, you can't tell your mother what you did; second, your father is probably waiting for you to tell him."

"I have to tell her, Luca."

"No, you don't! "I shouted.

"This is none of your business, Lia."

The audacity and the selfishness of this guy, I thought. "She is my mother too."

"Why should I tell him and not her?"

"Because he already knows, stupid. And he also understands what your feeling, the guilt, the regret. We are in this because of who he is. You cannot compare the two."

"I don't feel that shit. I'm like them!"

Serena snorted.

"Oh, please!" I smirked

"Have you ever gone hungry?"

No answer.

"Have you ever slept on the streets?"

Still no answer.

"Have you had to fight for everything you have? Do you have physical scars on your body from gunshots?"

He didn't say anything. No one spoke; only our breathing filled the silence.

"The truth, Zion. You are a privileged golden boy enjoying wealth from pain, struggles, and tears of those he thinks he emulates, but in real sense, you would crumble in the face of all that."

"Sit down, Lia," Luca commanded. I felt that if I were someone else, he would have told me to shut up.

"I called this meeting because we need to talk about us. We are the next leaders of this family; follow the rules, and whether he says it or not, Zion feels terrible about what happened, don't make him feel any worse, Lia and Serena, I'm talking to you."

Serena lifted her arms like in surrender, "I didn't say shit."

"Zion, I mean it. It's not a good idea to tell your mom. And tell your dad."

He did not reply at first, he just sat with his eyes closed, his head leaning on the couch.

"I guess we are stopping by home, S." He told Serena with a wry smile. "I feel like I lost my innocence in a race I wasn't ready for, and now I can't have it back." That made me feel terrible about everything I had said to him. I looked at Luc, then got up and ran out of the room, tears streaming my cheeks, weeping for Zion and all of us who will feel as he did at some point in our future.

"No, let me." I heard Luca say. He was following me, I knew; I could hear his footsteps behind me.

"Do you think I was too harsh on him?"I asked when Luca entered my room.

He brushed off my tears, tenderly cupping my face.

"I feel so horrible." I murmured, when he didn't reply, feeling the warmth of his palms.

"I know. He feels terrible too."

"You think I should apologize?" I had been harsh, and mean, especially in front of everyone. But Zion aggravates me so much sometimes.

"Yes. I think you should apologize." He whispered, eyeing my lips like they were candy.

"Dont kiss me. Are you still dating...whats her name?"

Humor filled his eyes when I said that. "No. I'm not dating what's her name anymore."

"Are you laughing at me?"

"I wouldn't dare." He was. But it felt so good to be with him like this I let it go.

Thank you for reading. Please tell me you didn't get bored by this very long chapter. Also, if you have a question, ask away. And remember to kindly leave me a comment.