⚠️ warning ⚠️

the chapter can make you feel uncomfortable and might be triggering mentally/emotionally for some of you as it mentions unalarmed panic attacks, drug abuse, overdose, hallucinations, unclear reality, ocd, childhood trauma, ptsd, mental confusion feelings like you're gonna choke (idk the word), and at last a lot of tears. it's gonna churn your guts

if anything among the above triggers you, please leave this chapter. you have been warned read at your own risk 😭

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"that's all for today. we'll continue further tomorrow, you all are dismissed," the teacher smiles. the sound of his thick book closing, complimented with the school bell, makes the students relax. most of them stand up right away, carrying their already packed bags on their shoulders and head out of the classroom, relieved that it's the end of another dreadful day in school.

some groan as well, giving cursed gazes towards the teacher who reciprocates it with a much a sarcastic version, eyeing them to get in the detention room before he has to drag them there himself. then there's aera, still on her seat while the rest of the students have left except for her two friends. jake taps on her shoulder, standing beside her, holding her bag along with his own and glances at clay, "hey, let's go. i've to walk home today," he shakes his head, disappointed.

"yeah," clay sighs, closing his book at last and stands up, noticing the dull face aera's wearing. "are you feeling that bad?" he asks, touching her forehead and frowns, "you're cold. i don't think it's a fever,"

"did you eat something wrong? you're feeling nauseous?" jake suggests and aera shakes her head.

"i don't know," she heaves out a deep breath, standing up from her seat and collects all her hair to form a ponytail, "i guess i'll just go home and sleep,"

"yeah, maybe you're tired," clay nods, and jake hands her her bag, smiling as they walk outside the class. the hallways are much emptier as the crowd has already passed and it's only those people left who actually plan on staying back either for extra studies or various clubs the school runs in the name of extra-curriculars.

aera was supposed to stay back as well for the upcoming sports event as she is the only girl in her category for boxing. jake is the member of the soccer team and clay is the ace of the debate club. clay usually didn't have any after-school events other than some crucial times when he had to stay back for practice and perfection with his other club members and their supervisor teacher. jake and aera had to stat back for practice almost everyday, even on weekends sometimes.

however today a group of teachers were out for some sort of workshop, giving many children the chance to relax for a day. aera thought she would hangout with her friends, watch a movie and play videogames, which unfortunately doesn't seem like happening because of how weird she feels today. it's probably because she's been working herself too much, school, morning jogs with jungkook,  evening practices of boxing in school and taekwondo at home, then self study and homework. all that can get too much in no time, which could be why aera isn't feeling herself today.

she waves goodbye to her friends, walking towards the mercedes waiting in front of the school gate. the driver bows to her as she approaches and opens the door of the backseat, closing it once she's settled inside and then gets on his seat in the front to drive. aera tries her best to divert her mind from her health and look around outside the window, watching the same stores strolling through the same streets, nestled in her visual memory deeply.

she sighs, closing her eyes and waits to reach home, hoping that jungkook would be at home. midst the thoughts of herself and her brother spending some time together, watching a funny movie and maybe cooking together because jungkook would do that to distract her if she told him that she's not feeling well, the car pulls in front of the main door of the mansion.

aera steps out, sending a small smile to the driver and a thank-you before heading inside. to her dismay, on looking around for a moment, she realises that no one is at home except for herself and the housekeeping staff. she refuses the cook on being asked if she wanted to eat something, and jogs upstairs to her room, throwing herself straight on the bed without a care of the uniform that's still on her body. the school bag lies beside the bed on the carpet, while aera kicks off the shoes, pulling up the blankets as she decides to sleep until jungkook comes home.

•••

later in the evening

aera wakes up on her own, instantly regretting her idea of sleeping for she now feels her head beating slightly inside the skull and there's a faint pain somewhere in the centre. she groans in annoyance, kicking away the blanket and slips down from the bed, rolling her eyes at the reflection which appeared briefly when she passed the mirror, ignoring the creases on her shirt and the pleats of her skirt distorted a little. the socks pool on her ankles, loose on her feet as she walks without her slippers, heading down the stairs, suprised by the sight she sees.

there's jungkook, taehyung, jimin, jin, namjoon, hoseok and yoongi in the living room. all laughing and having a fun conversation by the looks of it. aera frowns at the sight, not recalling any meet up today, moreover she remembers yoongi telling her that he was in daegu, too busy to visit just two days ago. she doesn't really say anything, walking up to the elders with a small smile, always happy to have them around.

"hey, aera!" taehyung beams first, ruffling aera's hair and the girl whines, pushing his hand away. taehyung sniggers, focusing back on the screen in front of him as jungkook mocks at him for lagging behind in the race.

"oppa," aera says in a soft voice, sitting near jimin and gives him a hug, "hi,"

"hi," jimin chuckles, stroking her back and pulls away, "we didn't wake you up because you looked tired, considering that you didn't even bother changing first,"

"ah yeah," she sighs, looking at all of them as she shrugs her shoulders, "i was feeling weird. so i thought sleep might help,"

"did it?" jin asks, touching her forehead and shakes his head, "not a fever,"

"my head hurts a bit," aera says, "anyway, how did you all come here? appa said he was busy, and koo told me that jinnie oppa was busy too,"

"we just had to gather i guess?" yoongi chuckles, opening his arms for aera who quickly moves to hug him tightly, "didn't you wanna see us all?"

"yep," she nods, "i'm happy. thanks for coming home," she giggles, kissing yoongi's cheek, earning a subtle pat on her back.

she believes their presence has the ability to make things better no matter what, for happiness does bring about a positive environment. it's barely been a few minutes when aera realises that it's time for dinner as the boys head towards the kitchen, where a grand meal is already waiting for the them on the dining table, and she assumes it's the maids who prepared it.

aera takes her seat between jimin and yoongi, jungkook on the right side of jimin, then taehyung and namjoon, jin and taehyung between yoongi and hoseok. the eight settle down, starting with the meal along with casual small talks as comfortable as any other day and aera finds something too beautiful to ignore, watching them with a quiet gaze as though a part of her was insecure for some reason.

her heart that has been thumping a little too much since afternoon has still not shown any sign of relaxation, making it hard for her to concentrate on anything else. she stays in her place, glancing at the boys then at the food in her plate and sighs, feeling nauseous yet again.

"what happened, ri?" jimin asks softly from her side, stroking her back in a gentle manner, "why aren't you eating?"

"i'm not feeling well," she mumbles, taking a deep breath and shifts her plate aside, making space to rest her arms on the table, lowering her head, "i feel weird, oppa... my heart keeps beating so fast,"

jimin exchanges a glance with yoongi, who smiles subtly, nodding for jimin to try and feed her if that made things better. "alright, i think you need to get some fresh air," jimin says, picking bringing his chop sticks to use and picks up a piece of steak to feed aera, "eat up, then we'll go out for a walk, okay?"

"i don't feel like eating," aera sighs, pushing her hair out of her face and looks at jimin, who is already holding the meat in front of her mouth, leaving her tempted to eat it and pouts, "don't do that..."

"what am i doing?" jimin chuckles, moving his chair closer to the sister and ruffles her hair, "c'mon, you've to eat to stay healthy and strong. how are you gonna beat jungkook in taekwondo if you don't eat enough?"

"but i'm sick," and jimin feeds her another bite, glancing over his shoulder towards the maid and gestures her to get him some napkins.

"and that's why you should eat more," he says with a smile, wiping the corner of her lips with a napkin from the holder that the maid just placed by his glass of water, and two more in the middle for the rest of the boys.

"it's too spicy, oppa," aera winces, breathing through her mouth as she got time before the third bite and ends up coughing. yoongi holds a glass of water for her, rubbing her back to ease the coughing. she pulls away on her own, moving her head to let yoongi know that she's okay and grins a little, pointing at the glass, "this is not mine. it's yours, appa,"

"it's okay," yoongi chuckles.

"it is spicy," taehyung adds in between, keeping his lips attached to the rim of the glass, making jungkook snort beside him.

"sir, have this one, please," a maid comes just in time to save, placing a wooden tray with sizzling, hot steaks in it, probably the less spicy ones for taehyung and aera.

"ah thank you," taehyung heaves out, getting a small smile and a bow from the woman after she serves him and glances at jimin, who motions his hand that she doesn't have to do it and they'll manage.

the dinner went by fine, definitely delicious for the boys who couldn't stop praising the food. it's not like they don't get good food, they do, of course the wives have a good hand in the kitchen, and the boys can cook as well, but it doesn't hurt to have a change in taste. meanwhile aera feels more cramped and squeezy after eating, feeling so full that she might just throw up, even though it she barely ate after the fiest few bites.

just like jimin promised, he asks aera for a walk if she still wanted to go, however the girl now just shakes her head, tears blurring her eyes as she feels her hands and feet tremble slightly. not knowing what's happening to her, but it just feels like something serious that she's not aware of. why else would she be sweating in the month of february in her well air conditioned mansion? the beads of sweat trickle down from the side of her face, also forming in her palms and feet, despite her body being cold like she just walked out of the fridge.

jimin notices the distress and sits with her, wrapping his arm around her and makes her lay on the couch, resting her head on his lap, as the boys are now preparing to watch a movie. aera turns around, facing jimin nd sniffles, hugging his stomach and closes her eyes, "hey, it's gonna be okay, princess," jimin says, leaning down to kiss her head, which is when his hands notice the cold skin of her arms. he frowns subtly, touching her forehead and neck being just as cold, "are you cold, baby?"

aera shakes her head, breaking into a sob and holds jimin's hands with her trembling ones, "my head is hurting so much, oppa... and my whole body's feeling weird... like i don't know, it's like buzzing..."

jimin strokes her hair, "let's go to your room. i think you should sleep," he says, helping her up and wipes the tears off her cheeks, "don't cry or your headache will get worse, hm?"

"you'll stay here?" aera mumbles, rubbing her eyes and jimin hums in response, getting a look from her, "really? what about unnie and ji?"

"i had a feeling that oppa should stay with riri today," jimin smiles softly, kissing the tip of her nose, "now get up, let's go. it's been a while since i tucked you in bed," aera nods, standing up and holds his hand quickly when she feels the world spinning for a moment, scaring her all over again to pull out a sob.

"what if i die, oppa?" aera cries, hugging jimin, now drawing attention from the rest. jungkook stands up with a frown, putting the remote aside and touches aera's head, virtually asking jimin what was wrong.

"you're not dying, kiddo," jimin sighs, patting her back and shakes his head for jungkook, "just feeling sick,"

"fever?"

"no, she's probably tired, i don't know. maybe we should go see a doctor tomorrow,"

jungkook nods slowly, looking at aera and makes her look at him. he leans down with a smile, cupping her face in his large hands, wiping the tear with his thumb and kisses her forehead, "hush, enough crying. let's watch dori?" he asks, sitting back on his place and pulls aera on his lap, "everyone's gonna watch dori now, whether they like it or not," he declares, making the boys chuckle as they shrug and some nod, agreeing with the idea if it made aera feel better.

the sister however stays quiet, resting her head on jungkook's chest, blinking slowly until she falls asleep. once jungkook and taehyung have made sure that she's sleeping indeed, the latter changes the movie getting sighs from the elders while he just smiles at them. jimin takes the moment to go and tuck aera in bed as heads upstairs, carrying her as carefully as he can, trying his best not to wake her up.

he lays her on the bed, sighing for she's still dressed in her school uniform, looking even more disheveled than before. the skirt ridden up her thighs and her sports shorts being visible underneath, belt undone and the buckle probably hurts her waist. so jimin sits beside her, straightening aera a little and takes off the belt entirely and then unhooks the skirt, knowing that she likes sleeping in shorts at the maximum. he strokes her head, wearing a soft smile, "sleep well, little one," his tender voice whispers with a kiss on top of her head, before he pulls up the covers to drape over her sleeping body.

a chuckle leaves his lips on seeing aera's little pout when she turns over, trying to move her hair in sleep. jimin strokes her hair out of her face, patting her tummy over the covers gently for a while before finally getting up, knowing that she's deep in sleep now.

•••

a few hours later

it's about 2 am and aera wakes up with a deadly headache, sweating uncomfortably and feeling short on breath as though she had ran a marathon just now. things don't feel like getting better and she's held herself enough now. she slips out of the bed with shaking legs and hands holding the nightstand for support as her vision keeps moving and the tears make it hard for her to see.

"oppa..." she pants out, scared to death at the thought of what might be happening to her, for she had never experienced something like this before. it wasn't just normal sick— not a few degrees temperature going up or nausea due to an upset stomach— it's almost like aera's heart will jump out any second, beating in a pace that's not normal for sure. her body produces sweat despite the temperature being cold of her body as well as her surroundings.

this is not normal and it feels like dying.

crying, she walks out of her room, trying to hurry her way to jimin but is slowed down by her quivering steps and dizzy head. it takes her a moment longer than usual to reach jimin's room, knocking with all her might along with the sobs. nobody responds, scaring her more, although her attention shifts to the faint noise of laughing and talking, apart from the constant buzzing in her ears.

she rubs her eyes, heading down the stairs carefully and goes straight to the lounge area, finding the boys sitting together, drinks on the table or in their hands. their heads quickly turn to the door from where aera walks in, crying holding her head and reaching out for jimin with the free arm. jimin stands up instantly, holding her hand and makes her sit while jin pours in some water for her.

"what's wrong, aera?" jin asks softly, patting her head, "are you not feeling any better?"

"no," she cries, clutching on jimin's hand and hugs his waist as he's still standing nearby, "i'm scared... i feel so weird, oppa. i don't wanna die— i don't wanna leave you..." she shuts her eyes tightly.

"don't think like that, baby. you'll be okay. don't worry," jimin assures her as he sits down beside her and holds her hand that feels cold in his. he rubs her hands trying to keep her warm as he fails to understand too the reason aera might be feeling so restless.

"do you wanna go out for a while?" namjoon asks, pointing at the backyard and jimin nods, helping aera up as he wraps his arm around her and kisses the side of her head, taking her outside with the hope that some fresh air will help her calm down.

"oppa..." aera whispers, getting glances from the brothers and the rest of the boys too for it's only her voice that's audible between the silence of the night.

"yes, champ? what happened?" jimin says, sitting with her on the big swing by the pool.

"where's koo?" her voice gets tired each second, eyes drooping with exhaustion and the buzzing all around her body intensifies, leaving nothing but faint tremors of the limbs behind, taking away the ability to listen or speak anymore. she breathes through her mouth, struggling to keep her eyes open in search of jungkook.

"aera," jimin frowns with worry, stroking her hair as he stares at her face, "look at me, kiddo. are you okay?"

"ri," jungkook lets out, holding her hand as he makes her sit straight and pats her cheek gently, "i'm right here. what happened, baby, you're scaring us..."

"oppa..." she barely speaks, closing her eyes with a last tear slipping from her eyes, the fear of losing everything fades away slowly and the buzzing settles down as well, her heart barely pumping now.

"aera?" jungkook calls, shaking her a little as she goes limp in jimin's arms, not conscious anymore, scaring the brothers to every corner of their bodies.

"get the car," jimin mutters urgently as he stands up, holding aera in his arms, scared of what suddenly happened to their little sister. jungkook glances at taehyung who nods quickly, jogging inside and grabs a few keys from the holder. he returns back in a second, tossing a key towards jungkook, another towards yoongi and keeps one with himself, heading to the drive where they've parked the cars.

"what happened to you, ri?" jimin sighs softly, kissing aera's cheek, "my child, you'll be fine, don't worry," he whispers more to himself as he assures his own heart that his little sister will be fine indeed in no time.

____

aera opens her eyes in a room that smells of disinfectants, white ceiling staring right at her where a fan is rotating. she sighs softly, thankful that the headache is gone and her body is behaving more normal than last night, other than the feeling of stiffness due to the machines attached. was she really sick that bad, that needed a ton of machines and drips to hook with? frowning in confusion and no pain, she looks around, not knowing why she's in such a distorted looking hospital room.

the window is broken, a curtain tied in an ugly way at the side to let some air in. there's no ac. in the room, just one fan that makes noise as it rotates right above the bed, and the smell that makes her feel nauseous all over again. there's no way her brothers would keep her under such bad conditions— wait, it's not a private room! aera almost pukes on seeing an old lady laying on the bed next to hers, looking like she's almost dead. to her other side there's young man groaning in pain, making the other similar sounds of wincing and crying evident in her ears.

she looks at herself hastily, tears blurring her eyes on finding herself dressed in one of those dirty patient gowns, laying in a bed just like the old lady, just a little less dead. she groans lightly, trying to move but stops eventually when she realises that ahe can't even feel most of her body, let alone pain. she gulps, glancing at her arms and down, knowing the familiar sensation of anesthesia.

the smell, germs, dirt, bacterias and viruses around makes her cry in discomfort and anxiety, unable to bear being in the same room as these unhygienic patients. yet she stays still, closing her eyes, thinking why her brothers could've possibly did this. she finds no reason for them to be this neglecting, for jungkook, jimin and even the rest of her oppas always prioritised her health over anything. jimin doesn't even let her eat from any random stall, and you think he would let aera stay in such an unhygienic place while she's already sick? nope.

amidst thoughts and waiting for her oppas to show up and explain, aera catches her name in a conversation between two people standing at distance. she frowns at them— a man in a white doctor's coat and a lady, who looks like a tired mess, hair badly done into a bun, wearing a loose shirt tucked inside the long skirt, and most importantly she's wiping off some tears from her cheeks.

she's familiar, the brunette hair, that face and the voice, pleading the doctor to give her some time to pay the bills. the doctor shows sympathy, despite his own hands tied as he tells her that they can't do anything about it, making the lady quiet down, nodding her head slowly as she looks down, silently asking how her daughter is doing. and like a truck running aera over, she was supposed to be surprised and protest when the man takes her name as the lady's daughter, tell them that she's not anyone's daughter here, just jimin and jungkook's sister. but she stays still too absorbed in hearing what he had to say after.

"aera's not fine to say the least. we managed to save her again, but as i've said before, you should consult a professional therapist for her, mrs song," the doctor says. aera glances at the door, gulping nervously, wishing for her oppas to come, "the overdose last night was too severe. it's a miracle your daughter is even alive,"

an overdose? but wasn't she at home with all of her oppas, having a good dinner and they were watching finding dori together on disney plus. everything around her raises her anxiety, making her take a deep breath and the lady speaks up to the doctor, getting a glance from aera, "i don't have money for a therapist... even this is too expensive... sir, i know she's been through a lot but, isn't there any other way? i'll talk to aera, she'll understand me..."

"i understand your situation, mrs song. but i really don't think there's anything else that can be done to help your daughter. your husband's death was already bad enough for her and you too. you should definitely consult a therapist. try to see, ma'am, two consecutive suicide attempts, drug abuse, overdoses every now and then, is not normal. aera's just sixteen,"

the words make aera panic. the tears stream down from her eyes, ignoring the pain arising inside her head as she tries her best to move, panting against the oxygen mask, wanting nothing more than to wake up from this bad dream and hug her brothers, tell them that she just had the worst nightmare of her life. scarier than ghosts and monster chasing her or jungkook's horror stories that would keep her up at nights when she was younger.

the doctor and the lady rush to her side, "aera, relax honey," the lady says, tears flowing from her eyes as well and aera shakes her head, opening her mouth to call for her brothers, although nothing comes out. the doctor moves the mother aside, calling for a nurse to assist him as checks the monitor beside her bed, sighing with a heavy heart. he tells the nurse to get an injection and looks at the lady, who's already sobbing, holding the edge of aera's bed.

"is there anything that makes her happy? that makes her want to live?" the doctor asks by the time nurse returns, handing him the injection, which he uses to inject the drug inside in the bottle that is attached to the drip on aera's hand.

mrs. song thinks for a moment, trying her best to recall as she glances at her daughter who's struggle to get away lessens and she falls asleep once the drug kicks in, "bts..." she gulps, nodding quickly, "yes, bts. she loves bts... she woke up that day and kept asking me where jungkook went... it was weird, but then you said she was high and hallucinating..."

the nurse shakes her head, feeling bad for the mother and the sleeping daughter. the doctor nods eventually, motioning his hand for mrs. song to join him outside. she follows him towards his cabin, where there are a few patients waiting as he would soon start checking them in his usual timings. mrs song enters inside the cabin and the doctor gestures her to sit while he pulls out a card and hands it to her, "whether you decide for therapy or not. i think you should at least meet dr. kang. he's a nice man and might help you out,"

mrs song stares at the card, nodding her head as she stands up and bows to the man, thanking him before she leaves the office. walking in the hallway, she looks down at the card again, deciding to see the therapist as a last hope.

__________

a/n- yeah i know i'll explain everything to you at the end of the 2nd part of this chapter. and i hope you see this from fiction point of view. there are a lit of triggering events and of course bts as idols are a part of this. it's all for the sake of the plot, no harm/hatted/indications are intended. please don't continue reading if you feel uncomfortable.