ii. sour gummy worms

There were a million moments in Lynnox's history that fucked her up into the person she is today. But she couldn't help but wonder what the one moment was that sent her over the edge. What moment decided who she'd be today?

Her parentage was definitely the root. They never wanted her. They never loved her. She was neglected of all attention. Starved of it. So much so that she now sought it out in overwhelming amounts. Lynnox wanted to be on everyone's mind at all times. She wanted to be the person everything thought about. She wanted to be wanted. She wanted to be desired. And she wanted to be needed.

Barely five-years-old and her parents handed her off to the first stranger who agreed to take her. Uncle Tommy. Who Lynnox was grateful for but he had the attention span of a fucking tea-spoon. He was not the doting guardian that Lynnox should've had growing up. He mostly just sat on the couch, smoking, and flicking through the channels on the staticky television.

There was one time when her older sister, Emmy, was supposed to be babysitting. But there was a party, and Emmy found out the guy she liked was supposed to be there. So, she went to that party, packing little, seven-year-old Lynnox with her. She sat Lynnox down beside a tree toward the back with an old coloring book and the pack of three crayons you get from old diners. And she left her. Actually left her. Lynnox remembered watching Emmy climb into an old car with a group of friends. They even locked eyes, Emmy and Lynnox, before the door was shut and the car drove away.

Lynnox knew that was a pivotal moment in making her who she is. In fucking her up.

And now, Lynnox was drowned in attention. It was poured down her throat, and she would open wide every time. She fed the lions the glowered at her. She teased the hands that reached for her. The short skirts were no accident. The light, airy laughs weren't meant for jokes that were actually funny.

Lynnox-Joy Carver loved the attention. Maybe it was to make up for what she never had growing up. She'd never had anyone to dote on her. Forgotten by her parents and left on some stranger's doorstep. She was never wanted. Not by her parents, and certainly not by her Uncle Tommy who only put up with her. Lynnox needed to be wanted. It was like a lifeline. She was like Tinkerbell, Lynnox needed attention to live. She wanted people talking about her and staring at her. She wanted to be the center of their attention.

Which is why she spent so much time on herself.

It was the morning of the first day of school. Lynnox had set her alarm to go off at four-thirty in the morning. From there she took a cold shower. Three years later and they still hadn't been able to fix or replace their broken water heater.

While waiting for her body to airdry, Lynnox did not scrub her skin with the old towel at Tommy's house, she painted her toes a fresh coat of a light purple to match the nails she painted last night. Once her hair wasn't sopping and her skin had naturally dried, Lynnox began doing her hair. Taking a blowdryer, making sure the setting was cool, she dried the ends and tips of her hair. Then, she pulled it back with a band that had left an indention on her wrist so that she could start on her face.

She started with moisturizer. Just a cheap container she bought of the clearance shelf at Walmart. Also bought off the clearance shelf was the undereye masks she let rest while she mixed three different foundations to perfect a skin tone shade. She started her eye makeup first. She painted the majority of her eyelid purple before lining it with an old yellow liner found at the bottom of her makeup bag. Then she took small blue stickers and stuck one in each corner of her eye.

And then she finished her face. In the end, packing the blush.

Her hair lay straight down her back. The straight iron sat cooling down on the porcelain sink. And she ran a brush down long hair. She checked it a few times to make sure she didn't miss any pieces of hair.

Like she always did, Lynnox picked her outfit out the night before. She'd thrifted a silk slip dress. Blue and purple with prints of yellow, green, and pink. The material fell high on her thigh, showing a lot of her legs. But the white leather boots that stopped just before her knees helped hide them. The heel was thick, a square. And they made her just a little bit taller. And though not new, Lynnox pulled a thick green sweater from the back of her closet and pulled it over her arms. The dress was thin, and she'd get cold sitting under air conditioners all day.

Lynnox was satisfied, looking in the mirror. She looked new. The outfit looked new. That was always her goal. Since she was never able to afford new looks, she wanted to take the old that she could afford and make it look just as nice. Usually, she succeeded.

The knock on her window sounded earlier than expected. Lynnox turned, the same leather boots from Saturday night scuffed the dewy morning grass. Hurrying over Lynnox grabbed her bag, and with help, pulled herself out of her room.

She hardly ever used the front door anymore.

Cyrus looked the same. Black pants, leather boots, and a white shirt under an old, worn-out flannel. But his hair was different. Slicked back to be kept out of his eyes. It had grown a lot since the start of summer, and Cyrus was strict about never letting Lynnox near him with scissors again.

"Well, don't you look... the exact same," said Lynnox, looking over his outfit once more.

Cyrus was a creature of habit. He wore what he liked and that was it. He didn't feel the need to dress up for the people at school. He didn't care who was watching him or what was said about him. As long as he was comfortable. Lynnox could never understand that.

"You're blind," Cyrus told her. "The flannel is almost new."

"Almost?"

"I've worn it like five times..." he said.

Lynnox snorted. She took Cyrus' arm, linking hers in it, and pushed him to start for the car. As always he opened her door for her, waiting for her to be buckled in safely before shutting it and going to his own side. She'd told him time and time again before that he didn't need to do that for her, but Cyrus felt like he did. Like she deserved it.

"You look amazing by the way," he sighed, sliding into the driver seat and starting the car. "Obviously."

"I know," Lynnox smiled.

Cyrus grinned and then the car moved down the road.

The sight reminded her of the zoo. Not that she's ever been, but she imagined this is what it was like. The clustering of people. Pointing and whispering about those that they pass by. Hoarding together in packs like the caged animals. It was loud and people were bumping into everything and everyone. Freshmen looked like clueless tourists. Pointing at the signs and looking down at a map in their hands.

Cyrus whistled, stepping out of his car, he lowered his dark sunglasses on his nose, "I hate the first day of school."

"Really?" Lynnox furrowed her eyebrows, watching classmates pass by them in the parking lot. A few heads turned to look at her as they walked by. She smiled sweetly at them. "I love it."

The air was warm and her mood was good. This was where Lynnox thrived. The crowds and faces. She could attract anyone's attention right now. It was a sea of endless opportunities for her. And she planned to take full advantage of it.

Cyrus didn't seem as comfortable as he followed Lynnox through the school courtyard. Students that had their heads resting on their bookbags as they lay in the grass turned upward as Lynnox strolled past them, her white boots bending the blades of grass in their wake. A group of guys whistles as she passed by a shaded tree where they chose to hide the smoke of their cigarettes, Cyrus had turned, glaring, ready to say something to them, but Lynnox stopped him, taking his hand into hers and leading him to the lunch area.

There were a few rows of picnic tables lining the concrete floor. Most of them are already filled with hopeful faces. But one in the back. It remained empty but one boy sitting on the edge, her back turned to the crowd. Lynnox stopped in front and sat down across from the lonely body. Cyrus falls beside her.

"You're writing? So early in the morning?"

Quickly, Lexi Howard looked up the filled leather journal. The pages scribbled with black ink. Stickers decorate the blank spots. Each nook and cranny had been filled. And yet she found a place to write whatever it was she hid from the world. She closed the book and tucked it safely under her arm. Shielding it from view.

Lynnox didn't push her anymore.

There was a lot of things that Lynnox knew about her best friend. She knew that Lexi had a lucky pair of underwear. Lynnox knew that she has to wear an even amount of bracelets or hair ties on either wrist so they don't feel uneven. Almost everything there was to know about Lexi, Lynnox knew. But one thing. Lynnox had never found out what Lexi wrote down in her journal every single day, sometimes for hours. It was one of the few kept secrets between them.

"Did you get your schedule?" Lexi asked.

She expertly avoided any more talk about her journal.

Lynnox nodded, sliding the folded piece of paper across the wooden table. Lexi met her halfway, snatching the paper and unfolding it quickly, eager to see just how many classes she managed to get with her best friend.

They never had a lot. Lexi was a lot smarter than Lynnox, and so, most of her classes were top-placed and honors. This year she'd even been placed into AP courses, getting college credit. Lynnox was average, sometimes below, and so, her classes were basic... boring... nothing special.

"We have Theater together, and lunch, obviously," she said, reading over the schedule. "And why are you in transitional math? I helped you study for the final. You knew it."

Lynnox snatched the paper out of Lexi's hands, folding it back up into a small square. "I choked, okay?"

Lexi rolled her eyes. Though it was true. Lynnox was a horrible test taker.

When the bell rang the two girls parted ways with Cyrus who'd be heading to Woodshop. That classroom and the Theater classroom were on two separate ends of the school, though both on the ground floor.

Lynnox didn't know how she'd ended up with Theater. That certainly hadn't been an option she circled when scheduling her classes last year. Though if she had to point fingers she'd be pointing at her best friend, Lexi Howard, who'd been the office's desk assistant last year, and she had access to scheduling files. They were desperate to have some classes together and Lynnox wouldn't be surprised to find that in that desperation Lexi changed one of Lynnox's extracurricular options to Theater.

Lexi wasn't as comfortable in the crowd of people as Lynnox was. When the bell had rung, as if it was a stampede, students ran through the halls, pushing others out of the way, wanting to be the first to claim their seat in the new classroom.

Lynnox held tightly onto Lexi's hand, careful to not lose her in the sea of people. They stuck by one another's side and pushed their way through the crowd of crazed teens. Until finally they made it out of the hallway and into the quiet auditorium, minus the few whispers of the people who were already seated in there.

When the teacher arrived everyone was told to come toward the stage and take a seat on the floor clearing. The teacher was a younger woman. Not freshly out of college but not completely worn down from the United States School System. She still smiled at the students as they passed by in the halls. She still had a kindness to her face. And her clothes were still somewhat in this decade of style.

"So, let's start with a little improvisation," she clapped her hands excitedly, but only a few students seated around her cracked a sharing smile. Lexi was one of them. Most of the students here seemed to be against their will. Their one needed art credit. "I'd like each of you to get up and tell us a five-minute story about your summer."

"Five minutes?" Lynnox whispered, leaning into Lexi who attempted to shush her. "What kind of lives does this woman think that we're living in East fucking Highland?"

Apparently, Lynnox's whisper didn't go unheard, as the teacher cleared her throat, eyes narrowing in on the smart-mouthed blonde.

"Great," she smiled widely, though the annoyance was now clear in her eyes. If the school system hadn't yet worn this woman down, then Lynnox just might. "It looks like we have our first volunteer."

In a state of denial, Lynoox pretended to look around, hoping it wasn't her.

"Lynnox-Joy?"

Dammit, it was her. And why'd she have to add the Joy?

Sighing, Lynnox pulled herself off the ground, "Jesus fucking Christ..." she mumbled, this time quiet enough to where only she could hear. "This is a load of bullshit."

She made it to the stage. The teacher stood on the wing, watching, still a smile on her face. She waited expectantly. Lynnox thought. What the hell had she done over the summer that was worthwhile?

She'd gone camping with Cyrus, but that was a shitshow. Lynnox had gotten poison ivy from squatting to pee in an entire patch of it. She'd also had an allergic reaction from the bug spray that Cyrus brought, breaking out in hives. The two left the next morning, and Lynnox vowed to never step foot back out in the wilderness.

Nate Jacobs was a face that had frequently popped up when reminiscing on her summer days, but she wasn't about to be suspended on her first day back at school by rehashing what had happened with him.

"I visited Solvang for the first time ever," Lynnox had finally decided on one of the better memories of the past three months. "I've lived in California for all my life and had never been. I went with my best friend, Lexi Howard," Lynnox pointed to the now red-faced girl sitting criss-cross on the wood floor. "Some of you might know her."

Lynnox blabbered aimlessly for the next five minutes. She told the class of the three-hour car ride that they had to endure to get there. And about how Cassie Howard almost peed her pants and had to settle for squatting on the side of the road because Suze refused to stop at a rest stop which was just a ploy to make you spend more money on the vending machines. Lexi and Lynnox had laughed about it until their sides ached and they were gasping for air.

She'd told them about the architecture and about how the small town had been modeled after a Danish village. They'd spent the entire day there walking on the crowded sidewalks, stopping into the small, quaint shops. Lynnox was actually able to enjoy herself too because at the time she still had a job and was just paid the day before they departed.

They'd spent two nights in a hotel right in the middle of town. Every morning they'd wake up for the pastries sold on the streets. It didn't matter how much they'd paid, every bite was worth it.

And Lynnox told them that on the way home they stopped at the beach. A small one. And a little crowded. But it was nice. Amazing, even. They'd slept in the car that night. Well, Suze slept. Cassie, Lynnox, and Lexi had spent all night splashing in the waves under the stars, building sandcastles, and collecting seashells.

"I think that night ─ I think that's the happiest I've ever been in my entire life."

A small round of applause drew Lynnox from her memories. The students ─ her classmates, sitting on the floor below her were all clapping, most of them smiling. She was too. She hadn't even noticed. The teacher stepped back onto the stage, also clapping, before resting a hand on Lynnox's shoulder.

"That was a wonderful memory, Lynnox," she said, seeming genuinely pleased with the story that had just been recounted. "You may take your seat."

Lynnox hurried down the steps set on the side of the stage. With students still clapping she took her seat back beside Lexi who wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her in close. Smiling, Lynnox hugged her best friend back.

Maybe Theater wouldn't be as bad as she thought.

When the low mummers from her classmates finally died down the teacher once again took her stance. She looked around the class, waiting to meet someone else's eye.

"Any other volunteers?"

A few students raised their hands. But like with Lynnox, she was looking for disinterested students. The ones who she'd have a hard time getting to participate in her class. And finally, her eyes landed on one. One who had leaned far back, trying to shield herself behind another student's body.

Rue.

Lynnox hadn't even noticed her.

"It looks like we have another volunteer... Rue?" the woman tilted her head expectantly, her dar hair falling to the side.

"Please, don't do this to me..." she whispered lowly.

But the teacher hadn't heard her.

"Come on, everyone, let's give her a little encouragement," she smiled, thinking that she was helping.

And even before anything had been said from Rue the class had started clapping for her. Lynnox was a little more hesitant than the others as she watched Rue slowly stand up and make her way up to the shade, shielding her eyes from the bright lights above.

Her hair sat in curls. Lynnox had always loved Rue's curls. She wore a pair of baggy, black pants, with a purple crop-top, similar to the colors on Lynnox's dress. It looked nice. Covering herself though she wore the baggy, maroon jacket that she'd been wearing since her dad's funeral.

And she seemed scared.

Rue stuttered. Speaking in low whispers. No one could hear her. And anyone who try and complained about it earned a glare from Lynnox and Lexi. Rue and Lynnox may not be the friends they used to be, but Lynnox would still never let anyone else say something bad about her.

"A memory?" she asked.

"Anything that hadan impact on you this summer," said the teacher.

"I don't ─ I don't think ─ I can't think of..."

Lynnox stomach twisted, she felt sorry for Rue.

"Just relax your body... ease the tension," said the teacher in a calm, breathy tone. "Just breathe."

Lynnox furrowed her eyebrows, looking at the teacher. Did she really not know what had happened this summer? Did she not know about Rue's overdose and her month in rehab? Surely the school board would have discussed it. Surely they'd be taking extra precautions with a student who coded. Surely they wouldn't be doing something that might trigger her into using again.

"So this ─ this summer?" Rue stuttered.

The young teacher nodded, "Yes."

"I'm having trouble, like, remembering something, you know," her voice was trembling, at this point, she was pleading to be allowed off the stage.

"Just tell us a specific memory," she told her.

Rue was breaking under the gaze of her peers.

"This cannot be good," whispered Lexi.

Lynnox nodded, agreeing, "She needs to be off that stage."

But Rue went on, stuttering, but she was trying her hardest to get this memory out, "I was, um, with my mom, and my, uh, my little sister, and we were, uh, listening to this... this song..."

Everyone began to listen. It wasn't much of a story. Just quite whines. And watching Rue fidget with her hands and bounce from foot to foot.

She took a deep, shaky breath, the entire class was silent, only Rue's broken breathing could be heard, "I'm sorry, but I...I can't think of anything, so... Just... I'm, uh... I'm done. I can't," she shook her head, turning to look at the teacher in the wing. "Do I have to do this?"

Rue didn't wait for an answer. Instead, she quickly descended the steps of the stage and left the auditorium, leaving her things behind on the floor. Standing quickly, Lexi went after her. Unlike Lynnox, Lexi had never stopped being friends with Rue, despite everything.

"She's a mess, dude."

"Honestly, I bet it's brain damage."

Lynnox turned her head, "Shut the fuck up, Wesley," she snapped on the senior boy sitting behind her. "And just a little bit of advice for you... grow a bigger dick before you try sending unsolicited pictures of it."

Wesley's face paled. And his friends sitting around him ducked their heads, laughing at his embarrassment. The teacher too had been stunned into silence, and before any more could be said, or before she could be sent to the office, Lynnox left in the same direction as Rue and Lexi.

She found them in the bathroom across the hall. Lexi and Rue were standing in front of one another, and from the looks on their faces, the conversation was not a civil one.

"I don't want you to fucking check on me, Lexi, whether I'm fine or I'm not fine," said Rue, her tone venomous. Lynnox knew she didn't mean these words, it was the addiction talking, but she still didn't like to see Lexi's eyes glisten with tears. "What difference are you going to make? Are you going to give me life advice?" she continued taunting. "You gonna fucking help me?"

Lexi swallowed hard, "Well, you're one of my best friends..."

Rue snorted a sarcastic laugh, "Give me a fucking break," she shook her head. "Cause we went to fucking pre-school together?" Rue asked, but Lexi didn't move to answer. "That does not make us best fucking friends."

Lynnox wanted to say something. She wanted to jump to Lexi's defense. But she knew better. Lexi didn't like feeling as if Lynnox was taking care of her. As if Lynnox was fighting all her battles. Even though Lynnox was happy to do so.

"You say all this, but what happens in three days when you knock on my door asking me to piss in some Tylenol bottle? What, you're gonna say the opposite?" Lexi bit back. "How we've known each other since preschool and we're best friends?" Lexi gave this time to sink into Rue, which it seemed to do, as she fell back into the sinks, no longer in a fighting stance or state of mind.

Scoffing Lexi shook her head, "It's like you have a split personality disorder," she began to back away from her. "Sorry if I miss the old you."

And with that, she turned around and left the bathroom, the door swinging shut in her wake.

"She just wants to fucking help, Rue..." said Lynnox.

"I don't need any ─"

"Just stop talking," Lynnox held a hand up, quieting Rue. "Just stop for a goddamn minute and think... don't bite at the hand that's trying to help you... okay?"

Then Lynnox left. Leaving Rue standing alone in the bathroom. Listening to creaking stall doors and leaky drains. Standing below a flickering light. She was alone. They'd left her.

The space above the bedside table rolled with steam. From the ninety-nine-cent cup of spicy noodles sitting on an old, unwashed pot holder that sat full of boiling water. It was dinner time now. The sun was just beginning to set and the afternoon fell into the late evening. The old tv, still with the box attached to the back played out some scene with Dr. Phil and a girl that had been coaxed onto the show by her parents for being a compulsive liar.

Lynnox sat criss-cross on her bed. Face rubbed with a green mask and lips glossed with a fresh mask. The pink robe she wore covered her underwear and tight tanktop. And a pair of fuzzy leopard print house slippers kept her cold feet warm.

She took in her first mouthful of noodles, wincing as the hot water burned the tastebuds on her tongue. She'd muted Dr. Phil, becoming tired of his droning voice, and began watching a beauty vlogger she'd subscribed to years ago on YouTube give a house tour. It was extravagant. Beautiful. Rooms only for makeup and clothes. It was everything Lynnox wanted. And so she screenshotted rooms that she liked and saved the photos to her vision board album.

The video ended after about thirteen minutes and she was halfway through her noodles when a link was sent by a large group chat of people she knew in school sent a link. At first, she didn't bother to look. Usually, this chat was known for sending stupid memes or just being stupid in general. But the curiosity got the better of her and she closed her Instagram app and opened the link.

As soon as she was able to make out the shadowed bodies her eyes went wide. Quickly she turned down the volume. Not wanting her Uncle Tommy to think she was in here watching porn. Even though the link had sent her to a video on a porn site, and she was watching the video, a video of someone she knew. A friend.

Did Kat know this had been posted?

She looked over to the small wicker chair sitting in the corner of her room. Cyrus had been sitting there quietly for about an hour now. Watching the silent Dr. Phil play out. He'd never admit to it but he loved the show. And for that Lynnox left the subtitles on for him when she'd end up muting her television out of annoyance.

"Are you seeing this?" she asked.

He'd already clicked out of the video. As soon as the audio had started to play. It was a gut reaction.

"This is assault isn't it?" Cyrus asked. "Like, if she didn't know this was posted... it's assault, right?"

Lynnox nodded, but that wasn't even the worst of it, "It's also child fucking pornography!"

This didn't sit right with Lynnox. She quickly clicked out of the site. Making sure to clear her history and cookies as well. And then she scrolled through her contacts under she landed on Kat's name. She typed out a message, worried about her, and sent it.

Lynnox: I just got a video. Have you seen it? This isn't you, right? Why are people saying that this is you. I'll kill someone, Kat!

She didn't want to believe it. She wanted to think it was just kid's at school being assholes. Finding the first video of a girl that resembles Kat and spreading the rumor that it was her, knowing people would be stupid enough to believe it. Because Kat wouldn't do something like this. At least, knowingly. Would she?

Lynnox was in denial. There were so many signs pointing to the girl in the video being Kat. And not even the fact that the girl looked just like her. Like having the same haircut and everything. But also the fact that at the party Kat had told Lynnox what she was going to do. She was going to get it over with. She was doing it. And the fact that there were a few faces in the video that Lynnox could make out. Even with the dim lights. She knew at least one of them was a McKay twin. Idiots. They'd have no problem posting something like that.

What also told Lynnox that this was Kat in the video was the fact that Lynnox had been left on read.

"Has she said anything?" Cyrus asked.

Lynnox shook her head, "She left me on read."

Cyrus sighed, shaking his head. Maybe she was just freaking out. Lynnox would be. And then she'd accept her fate and wear it like a badge of honor, but she'd first freak out.

And then Lynnox's phone lit up, but it wasn't Kat.

Lex: Did you see the video?

Lynnox: Yeah, like everyone has.

Lex: Do you think it's her?

Lynnox: idk.

Even though Lynnox had a strong feeling it was Kat, she didn't want to be telling people if she didn't know for sure. She didn't want to be telling people at all.

"It's Lexi," said Lynnox, noticing Cyrus staring curiously from across the room. "She's wondering the same thing as all of us."

He nodded, seeming a little let down. He too wanted to know what Kat had to say.

But they went to bed without any answers. Cyrus ended up staying over. He didn't want to go home after the argument with his dad. And every time that happened he ended up in Lynnox's room. So, she scooted over on the small, twin-sized bed, tapping the even smaller space beside her.

Sighing, and kicking his shoes off, Cyrus climbed in beside her. Laying close together his heart pounded. Lynnox could feel it against her back, but she said nothing, pretending not to notice. Not really wanting to notice.

"So you still have clothes here?" she asked, attempting to calm him down a little bit.

She felt him nod against her neck, "Yeah."

"Okay," she sighed.

"Do you care if I shower?" he asked, voice muffled by her hair.

"I don't care."

And the weight on the other side of the bed lifted as he stood up. He stretched, walking over to the bathroom. Before he shut the door he smiled. Lynnox returned it. Then once the door was closed she turned around. She sighed deeply and tightly closed her eyes. She listened, hearing the low-pressure water squeak to life.

When Cyrus came back into the room, Lynnox had already fallen asleep.

The school was buzzing like a freaking beehive. Less than twenty-four hours later and everyone was talking about it. The entire school whispered about the link that had been mass sent to almost the entire study body.

Lynnox sat with Lexi outside. As usual. Cyrus beside her. Lynnox had tried introducing a topic that wasn't already being talked about by their classmates, but Lexi was too strung up about the link she'd also been sent last night. Apparently, she and Cassie had been up talking about it all night. And apparently, Kat told Maddy that it wasn't her in the video.

"It has to be her, right?" said Lexi.

Peeling an orange, Lynnox shrugged, "I mean, she said it wasn't."

"Yeah, but who'd own up to that?" Lexi scoffed.

"But if she says that it wasn't her then we shouldn't speculate," said Lynnox, biting the inside of her lip.

Lexi furrowed her eyebrows, so did Cyrus, "Did you not take journalism with me last year?" she asked. "Lynnox, that's exactly what you do when you think someone is lying."

"Okay, but even if it is her, Kat's a victim," she said, this was the first time that Lynnox even said that it might be Kat out loud. "I mean, she's still a minor."

That couldn't be argued. And it seemed to be enough to quiet Lexi. She was a lot of things. Sometimes overbearing. Other times intrusive. But she'd never question someone she knew was a victim.

The conversation quickly changed after that.

Cyrus had picked it up. He was talking about the Dr. Phil episode he watched after Lynnox fell asleep last night. She didn't talk much. Which left Cyrus and Lexi to bond over their love for talk shows.

"No, yeah, you should totally come over sometime and we can binge all the episodes of Steve Wilkos," Lexi grinned.

Her eyes widening, Lynnox turned back to her two friends and looked between them.

"I'd like that... Lexi,"

Her name? Lynnox thought. Cyrus is flirting. Flirting with Lexi.

"Excuse you!"

Cyrus turned to face her. So did Lexi. He shrugged.

"What?" he asked.

"Were you not just in my bed last night?" Lynnox scolded him.

"I was."

"And now you're flirting with my best friend?" she asked.

Lexi ducked her head, her cheeks now flaming red. Cyrus rolled his eyes.

He sighed, "Shut up, Lynnox."

She smiled tightly at him before giving him the finger.

The rest of the day flew by. Everyone went on talking about Kat. Even though Roy and Troy McKay had started going back on their word and telling everyone that the girl in the video was in fact, not Kat. But people still talked. They still wondered. And they still theorized.

Like the day, the entire school week flew by. And before Lynnox could even blink it was Friday and she was standing outside of her locker, having forgotten her English notes in another folder. She threw random papers to the ground. Like her life, Lynnox's locker was a mess. Almost unable to be saved. She'd have to wait until Lexi witnessed this. Then she'd spend her free period standing here, watching, and helping Lynnox clean it.

Her locker was in a row right outside the office doors. She hated the placement. She couldn't gossip while standing there or attempt to sneak something into school without getting caught. But on this day, it happened to bring to her a person she'd been trying to get ahold of all week.

"Kat! Hey! Why're you in the office?"

Storming out of the office doors stood Kat Hernandez. Arms crossed over her chest and glasses high on the bridge of her nose. She was angry. Annoyed too.

"Principal Hayes is fucking fatphobic," she told Lynnox without any sort of context.

She blinked, "What?"

"That asshole called me down to the office to accuse me of making a sex tape just because the girl in the video going around the school also happens to be a big girl!" Kat explained, ranting.

Lynnox nodded.

"Oh," she finally understood. "You really think he's targeting you?"

Kat shrugged, "He has to be!"

Trying not to laugh, Lynnox looked down at her feet. Her white sneakers scuffed from age, despite her having just bought them a few weeks ago.

"Kat, Mr. Hayes didn't suspect the girl in the video was you because she's a big girl..." said Lynnox, taking a breath before looking back up to her friend. "He knew it was you because you are literally the only person in the school with that dumbass bob!"

Kat's jaw fell open. Her mouth sat agape.

"Also, like everyone in the school is saying that it's you," she said.

"Well, it fucking wasn't me, okay?"

Lynnox shrugged, "I didn't say that it was," she told Kat. "I'm just saying... get a new haircut maybe?"

Finally, Kat cracked a smile, and a small laugh came out of her.

"You're a bitch," she shook her head.

"Yeah well," said Lynnox. "Tell me something I don't know."

And having been pulled from the same class, Kat and Lynnox walked down the hallway together, entering their English class, Lynnox still not having found her notes.

Lynnox ended up copying Kat's notes. Well, of what she had. Most of what was on her paper were doodles and scribbles. And when the bell rang they walked to lunch together. But split up once they entered the dining hall. Lynnox went to her regular table with Lexi and Cyrus, and Kat at a mostly empty table since Maddy and Cassie were absent.

She picked at her lunch. Ending up pushing the plate of inedible food away from her. Settling on the pear she plucked from the fruit basket.

Lexi was already talking about future assignments. Even offering to tutor Cyrus who'd flunked his chemistry quiz. Telling him to stop by the Tutoring Center since, as an upper-classman, she can work there now. She even handed Lynnox her timesheet insisting that she too stop by so that Lexi can keep an eye on how she was doing.

Though hesitant, Lynnox agreed.

Though her long-winded rant on how awfully work is handled in the Tutoring Center was cut short by the football coach running, followed closely by whooping and hollering football players.

He held a megaphone high into the air, "Are we gonna win?"

The football players and some students who found joy in the cringe yelled, "Yeah!"

"Are you guys pumped?"

"Yeah!"

Lynnox rolled her eyes.

"Then let's hear it for theEast Highland Blackhawks!"

As if it'd been a cue the cheerleaders descended the staircase, music blaring through the speakers as they began their choreographed dance to a song that Lynnox hadn't cared to learn. The football players ran around frantically, clapping and jumping on top of tables. One had jumped on the bench beside Lexi making her jump and spill a little bit of her water.

Some students played along. Others, like Lynnox and Lexi, sat still, watching the entire thing through furrowed eyebrows. Wondering why they should care about a stupid football game this much.

Lynnox watched the entire thing. For a second she caught Nate's eye. He was not like his teammates. Running around and yelling like a caveman. He stood in one place slowly clapping. His eyebrows downset, looking at Lynnox.

Quickly, she averted her gaze. Looking at the cheerleaders. Their costume glistened under the iridescent lighting. Color shifting from blue to green. The cheap crystals caught the light of the sun through the glass windows. Sometimes beaming and blinding some students sitting upfront.

"You know, I'm surprised that you never became a cheerleader," said Lexi, drawing Lynnox's attention back to her. She furrowed her eyebrows, looking at her friend confused. Why would she want to be a cheerleader? "You know since you like people staring at you."

Lynnox nodded, "Oh..." she laughed, not taking Lexi's words as an insult. Lexi was right, and Lynnox has told her plenty of times about how she craved attention. "You're right. But I don't like sharing it."

And with that she turned back to the cheerleaders, her eyes locking with Maddy Perez.

Lynnox was spending her Friday night alone. Which wasn't a common occurrence. But Cyrus had to work, Nate as far as she was concerned could die in a ditch, and there were no boys at school that had impressed her enough for her to agree to go out with them. So, she was ending the day alone.

She was watching a rerun of Jersey Shore on her old tv. Static ran across the screen and the sound kept breaking, but it was still entertaining enough. At least while she was redoing the paint on her toes.

Sat, curled up on her bed, dividers between her toes, she shook the pink bottle to thicken the liquid inside. Her toes were still wet from the alcohol. The purple, after even a week, hadn't faded off her nails. So, not having nail polish remover, she improvised with rubbing alcohol. It burned the small splinters on her toes from the unkept wood flooring in her bathroom, but it got the job done.

She chewed on sour gummy worms. Every Friday evening Tommy would take Lynnox to Dollar Tree and let her splurge on candy. Though they never went past thirty dollars it still felt nice to have that tradition going. Though during this splurge she picked up some new nail polish and makeup, so she had to sacrifice a few packages of sweets.

And then there was a knock on her window.

She looked over. Now a bit confused to see Cyrus' typical leather boots. Instead, standing outside her window was a pair of freshly cleaned white Nikes. She gulped, stomach falling, but her heart rate quickened. And she hated it.

But she slowly climbed out of her bed. Walking on her heels to not ruin the paint job that she'd just finished. She slid the glass pane up and looked outside. Standing tall outside her window in the late evening was Nate Jacobs.

"What're you doing here?" she asked.

Nate shrugged, "Came to see you."

"And you saw me..." sighed Lynnox, moving to close the window.

Nate stopped her, crouching down, hand placed firmly on the window so that she couldn't move it. Lynnox gulped, watching him.

"Let me inside," he whispered. "Please."

Lynnox was silent. Everything inside her was telling her to lock him out.

"Okay."

Reluctantly, she moved aside. Nate began to slide through her window. Feet first. Lynnox stifled a laugh. It was always funny watching Nate's tall frame try and fit through the window. He was smiling too, a rare sight to see, as he straightened out the wrinkles on his shirt.

"I fucking hate that window," he told her.

Lynnox shrugged, quickly wiping her face clean of a smile, "Then stop showing up at it."

He rolled his eyes, "And why would I do that?" Nate took a step closer to Lynnox. "When I can't get enough of what's on the other side?"

She rolled her eyes. Nate continued for her, arms reaching out to wrap around her waist. But before they had the chance, she stopped him. Her hands catching his wrists and bringing his hands up to her face, her eyebrows furrowed.

"What the hell?" she asked him.

Nate's hands were jacked. His knuckles were a dark black and green color. Bruising. There was a slight stain of red around the bruising, as if he'd been bleeding and attempted to wash it off. Quickly, he pulled away from her grasp, his hands dropping to his sides. Turned away from her so that she couldn't see the bruises.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Nate, did you fight a brick wall or something?" Lynnox asked.

"Not a brick wall," he told her.

He shrugged as if his hands weren't fifty shades of fucked up.

"God, did you kill this person?" Lynnox pressed.

He shook his head, "No," Nate told her. "But the world would've been a better place if I had."

Lynnox blinked. Her brain was clouded. She was confused.

"Okay... you're going to have to elaborate, please," she said.

He nodded.

"You remember the dickweed that Maddy was with at the party?" Nate asked, slowly Lynnox nodded. "Yeah well, he fucking raped her. In front of everyone. And no one helped," just talking about what happened infuriated Nate as his hands clenched into fists and red filled his sunken cheeks. "I should've fucking killed him."

It didn't add up. Lynnox had been to that party. She stood beside Nate watching the scene in the pool unfold. If she'd remembered correctly she witnessed Maddy suggest that they do it in the pool, in front of everyone. She'd been getting off on pissing Nate off.

"Yeah, no," Lynnox shook her head. "That wasn't rape."

"What do you mean? Maddy was blackout fucking drunk!" Nate yelled angrily. "And the dude's like twenty fucking two!"

"Maddy was not blackout drunk," Lynnox had to laugh. "Nate, you can't be this stupid... screwing in the pool was Maddy's idea, literally there is video evidence everywhere!" She shook her head, running a hand through her hair. "Him being twenty-two is gross... and that should be taken to the police... but he didn't fuck Maddy while she was blacked out. Nate, I don't even think Maddy drank enough to be that drunk."

Nate's jaw was clenched. Either he really didn't believe Lynnox. Or he did and was finding out that Maddy had lied to him. And now, he'd risked an assault case on some random guy for not thinking critically.

"He could've drugged her..." he was grasping for straws.

"Maddy's too fucking good for that to happen," said Lynnox. "I've never seen her take a drink that she didn't see was poured with her own two eyes."

Lynnox may not particularly like Maddy Perez, but she'd be the first to admit that the girl was fucking brilliant. When they had been friends, or at least close to it, Lynnox learned a lot from watching her.

"Dammit! Why are you being like this?" Nate yelled, closing in on Lynnox. She backed away from him but ran into her wall. "I mean aren't you supposed to be on her side? Girls support girls or some fucking thing like that? I mean, aren't you supposed to believe the victim or some shit like that?"

Lynnox's face reddened and using her hands she shoved him away from her, hard. She hated when he thought he could get away with talking to her like this. Using her as a way to take out his anger. She pushed him again, this time, he stumbled backward, but the angry red was still present on his face.

"Don't fucking talk to me like that!" she yelled at him. "Ever!"

"You're being a fucking bitch, Lynnox!"

"And you're being a fucking idiot!" she yelled back. "I mean, come on, are you really so insecure about yourself that you can't fucking let it be that another dude fucked Maddy? What you afraid his dick was better than yours?"

Raising his hand Nate stepped for Lynnox.

"Fucking do it, Nate!" she yelled at the top of her lungs.

He wanted to. Lynnox could see it in his eyes that he wanted to. Nate wanted to bring his hand down across her cheek because how dare she talk to him that way? How dare she spit on his name and question his manhood.

"Both of you, shut the fuck up!"

Tommy's voice echoed off the walls and came through from the living room. It caught Nate off-guard, he always forgot that Lynnox still had a guardian hiding out in the house.

Lynnox looked up. Her pointed stare never averting. She watched him the entire time, waiting to see if he'd hit her, but slowly his hand fell, and so did his head.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Get the fuck out," she spat at him.

Nate sighed, backing away, "Lynnox, I'm fucking sorry," he told her, desperation evident in his tone. "I would never actually hit you. You know that. You just piss me off so much sometimes."

"Then stay the fuck away from me," she told him.

This time making sure to keep her voice low, not wanting Tommy to come barging into her room with his shotgun again.

"You and I both know that isn't possible."

Lynnox rolled her eyes. She really wished he'd stop talking to her like that. Like he loved her. Or needed her. Because, for some reason, she'd fold.

And she did.

"Then what do you want?" she asked, waving her arms in annoyance. "Why'd you even come here?"

"I wanted to ask you something," Nate told her.

They ended up sitting on her bed. Nate's long legs nearly hanging over the end of it. Lynnox was sat up, back against the headboard while he laid down on a mountain of pillows beside her. He was scrolling through his phone, talking about Maddy, talking about the date that he had planned for her tonight, and he wanted to show Lynnox what he'd bought her to make up for all the stupid shit he'd done to her.

Finally, he stopped scrolling, handing his phone to Lynnox. She sighed, taking it, looking at the picture of a mannequin in the mall, stood in a display window of some lingerie store. It'd been dressed in a baby pink set. The top was lace and ribboned in silk. The bottoms a matching pair of lace underwear, or better yet, floss. It was cute.

Lynnox handed the phone back to him, "Maddy's going to hate that."

Nate sat up, "What?" he asked quickly. "I thought this would be something she liked."

"No you did not," Lynnox snorted. "It's something that you'd like to see her in."

"Well yeah, who wouldn't? It's fucking hot," Nate furrowed his eyebrows, still not understanding Lynnox. "You'd wear it. I know you would."

She shrugged, "Sure I would. But, and this might surprise you, Maddy and I are not the same person."

Nate locked his phone, putting it on the table beside him. He sighed long, looking over at Lynnox.

"I know that you aren't Maddy," he told her, voice calm and collected. "You're Lynnox-Joy Carver..." his hands ran up her bare thigh. "And I can't get enough of you."

Despite the clear effect he had on her, as bumps rose in the wake of his touch, Lynnox stopped him, placing a hand on his, she wasn't letting him any higher. But he didn't seem to mind as her turned over, now hovering over her, his hand lacing through her, bringing it to lay over her head. His other hand light grazed up her side moving up to caress her neck. And not meaning to, Lynnox fell into his touch, her eyes closing, and then she felt him kiss her.

In her short life, Lynnox has had a lot of kisses. And Nate Jacobs had not been her best. But he was the most intoxicating. The most infuriating. The one she couldn't stop thinking about. And so, every time, even though her head was yelling ─ screaming at her to stop, to not let him near her, she gave in, every time she'd fall into his touch. Her body never listened.

So, she kissed him back. Her free hand reached up, arms curling around his neck to bring his body closer to hers. His tongue was in her mouth. Caressing her own. She moaned. In response Nate's arm slid under her back, pulling her off the bed. In one swift movement, he was below her and she was sitting on top.

He was giving her control. And with that, she had the power to stop. Lynnox sat up.

"Don't you have a date?" she remained him.

He sighed, not happy to be stopped, but seeming to have expected it, "So?" Nate shrugged. "Give me a reason to be late."

Lynnox rolled her eyes. She climbed off Nate, standing back up, she straightened out her wrinkled clothes.

"You should really get going now," she said.

Disappointed, Nate stood up. He towered over Lynnox. But she never felt beneath him. He grabbed his phone off her table and moved for the still open window. She followed after him so that when he left she could shut it... and make sure it was locked.

He climbed through the window, and it was just as funny as when he slid into her bedroom. Once outside he turned around, crouching down again so that he could see Lynnox one last time for the night.

"Oh, and by the way, we're finished."

This wouldn't be the first time Lynnox would say this to Nate Jacobs. Which is why he never believed her.

Nate winked, "I'll see you later, baby."

Angrily Lynnox shut her window. She watched through the glass though until Nate's truck disappeared around the street's corner. He'd stayed until dark. The street lights had turned on and the neighborhood kids had gone inside for the evening. It wouldn't be long until nightlife began to revive. And with that in mind, Lynnox locked her window and released the blinds.

She went back to her bed. Unmuting her tv. Lynnox's body still tingled. It ached and now punished her for not allowing Nate to go further with her. But she ignored the chills and goosebumps he'd left in his wake.

And instead, she watched Jwow beating the shit out of Angelina, with a pack of sour gummy worms in her lap.

☽☾

lynnox's outfit inspo

☽☾

author's note://

chapter two!

We're getting to know Lynnox a little better, remember, before hating, she was not made to be perfectly likable, ok? Just getting that out there.

Any ideas for how this story is going to go? What do we think about her odd relationships?