At MacLaren's, the group sat around their usual booth. Carl approached with a tray of drinks, placing them in front of everyone.

"On the house," Carl announced proudly.

"Those look good," EJ replied.

"Whoa," everyone exclaimed in unison.

"It's my own concoction. I call it the Red Dragon," Carl said, walking away with a grin.

EJ looked at the vibrant, suspiciously red drinks. "I lied, those do not look good."

Ted frowned. "We're not really doing shots, are we?"

Lily wrinkled her nose. "I hope not."

Barney waved his hand dismissively. "No, no."

Lily peered at her glass. "These look kinda like blood."

Marshall took a deep breath, ready to launch into a familiar theory. "Okay, I know that you've all dismissed this theory before, but is there any chance that Carl is a vampire?"

EJ groaned. "We're not on this again, are we?"

Barney scoffed. "That's ridiculous."

I'm serious. Think about it. He always wears black, we never see him in the daylight, only after dark," Marshall explained.

"Oh my God, that does describe a vampire, or you know, a bartender," Robin quipped, making everyone but Marshall laugh.

"Well, I should go get dressed," Robin announced, standing up.

"Where are you going, buddy? Hot date?" EJ asked, intrigued.

"I'll say, she's going out with a billionaire," Lily teased.

"Lily, I told you not to call him that," Robin chided.

"Wait, you're really going out with a billionaire?" Ted inquired, surprised.

"He's not a billionaire. He's a hundred millionaire. Why do people always round up?" Robin corrected.

"Nobody says 'hundred millionaire.' I've never heard of someone who said 'hundred billionaire,'" EJ pointed out.

"So, where's Thurston Howell taking you?" Ted asked.

"A charity dinner," Robin replied.

"Yeah, $2000 a plate," Lily added.

"$1500. Stop rounding up. And it's for third world hunger," Robin clarified.

"You gonna put out?" Barney asked bluntly, earning incredulous looks from everyone.

"What? There's only one reason he's taking her to this dinner and it's not so little Mutu can get his malaria pills," Barney defended.

"I think my soul just threw up a little bit," Lily remarked.

"Well, I'm gonna be late. You guys have fun. Bye," Robin said, heading for the door.

"See ya," Ted called after her.

"Bye, Robin," EJ added, noting to himself how good she looked.

"You okay?" Marshall asked Ted.

"Sure, why?" Ted replied, playing it cool.

"I don't know. Girl of your dreams dating a billionaire," Marshall observed.

"Okay, first of all, hundred millionaire. And second, she's not the girl of my dreams. We're just friends. Look, it would not be smart if we got together. I mean, I'm looking to settle down. She's looking for..." Ted trailed off as Barney started snoring loudly.

"What? You done? Great. Check out table number four. See that little hottie on the end. She's short but has an ample bosom. I love it. She's like half-boob. Let's go," Barney said, standing up.

"Yeah, and say what? What's our big opening line?" Ted asked, skeptical.

"Daddy's home," Barney declared confidently.

"Daddy's home?" Ted repeated, incredulous. "You want us to go over there right now and say to those girls, 'daddy's home.' Really think about that, Barney."

"Hm. Yeah, I think it's pretty solid," Barney affirmed, heading over to table four.

"Wanna put some money on it?" EJ asked Ted.

"Twenty for Barney failing," Ted agreed.

"You're on, man," EJ said with a grin.

"Okay, think about this, is there even a single item on the menu that has garlic in it?" Marshall asked.

"Garlic fries," Lily replied.

"Okay, well, I'll get back to you," Marshall conceded.

"See, if you'd taken a moment to think about that..." Ted began as Barney returned to their booth, holding up a small yellow piece of paper.

"Then Daddy wouldn't have gotten this seven-digit Father's Day card from Amy, huh?" Barney boasted.

"That worked. I hate the world," Ted groaned, handing a twenty to EJ.

"Ted, your problem is all you do is think, think, think. I'm teaching you how to do, do, do," Barney explained.

"Doo-doo," Marshall quipped, making EJ laugh like a child.

"Totally," Barney agreed.

"So, I think a lot. I happen to have a very powerful brain. It can't be helped," Ted argued.

"Oh yes it can," Barney countered, placing a shot in front of Ted.

"Interesting," Marshall mused.

"Ted, I believe you and I met for a reason. It's like the universe was saying, 'Hey, Barney, there's this dude, he's pretty cool but it's your job to make him awesome.' Your brain screws you up, Ted. It gets in the way. It happened with Robin, it happened with half-boob. And it's gonna keep on happening until you power down that bucket of neuroses inebriation-style," Barney explained.

Marshall turned the conversation over to EJ. "So, I heard Robin spent Thanksgiving with your family."

Ted perked up, a slight twinge of jealousy flashing across his face.

EJ shrugged. "Yeah, she stopped by. Why?"

Lily grinned. "A little more than stopping by, huh?"

EJ protested, "I didn't plan on it happening. My Mom just got a bit... testy. Besides, Robin and I aren't like that. Just friends."

Marshall smirked. "Yeah, BS!"

EJ laughed. "Whatever you want to put it, Marshall."

Ted tried to change the subject, a nervous laugh escaping his lips. "So, what? You want me to do a shot?"

Barney shook his head with a mischievous grin. "Oh no. I want you to do five shots."

Marshall's eyes lit up. "Oooh, more interesting."

EJ chuckled, his competitive side showing. "You know what, I'll do them with you! Carl, more shots!"

Carl, amused, poured more shots for EJ.

Ted sighed. "Barney, I think you've officially..."

Barney cut him off. "No, don't think. Do."

Marshall jumped in, "Ted, he's right. You overthink. Maybe you should overdrink."

Marshall and Barney started chanting, "Drink, drink, drink, drink..."

Ted turned to Lily for support. "Ah, Lily, will you tell these guys how stupid they're being?"

Lily rolled her eyes, but then joined in. "Guys, you are being immature and moronic and... drink, drink, drink!"

Marshall, Lily, and Barney chanted in unison, "Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink..."

Ted sighed, but finally gave in, taking the first shot. EJ followed suit, lifting his glass and downing his shot.

Marshall, Lily, and Barney cheered, "Yes! Drink, drink, drink..."

Ted felt the burn of the alcohol and smirked. "Let me tell you something about this brain, OK?"

He took the second shot, with EJ mirroring him. "Shot two down the hatch!" EJ exclaimed, laughing.

Marshall, Lily, and Barney chanted louder, "Drink! Drink, drink..."

Ted continued, "Even alcohol cannot stop this brain."

He took the third shot, and EJ did the same. "I think my brain just grew wings!" EJ joked, swaying slightly.

Barney cheered, "I love it, I love it, I love it."

Marshall and Lily kept up the chant, "Drink, drink, drink..."

Ted declared, "This brain, dear mortals, is no ordinary brain."

He took the fourth shot, and EJ followed. "This brain just hit hyperspeed!" EJ laughed, leaning on the table.

Marshall, Lily, and Barney chanted again, "Drink, drink, drink, drink..."

Ted boasted, "This is a superbrain."

He took the fifth shot, and EJ joined him. "Superbrain? More like party brain!" EJ laughed, feeling the effects of the alcohol.

Ted raised his arms triumphantly. "This brain is unstoppable. This brain..."

Ted and EJ, now thoroughly drunk, began singing Sammy Hagar's "Mas Tequila" loudly. EJ played an exaggerated air guitar, swaying with the music.

EJ sang out, "Mas Tequila!" and strummed his air guitar with gusto. "One shot, hey! Mas Tequila!"

Ted joined in, his voice slurring slightly, "Two shots, hey! Hey! Mas Tequila!"

EJ shouted, "Three shots, hey! Hey! Hey! Mas Tequila!"

The rest of the gang laughed, watching EJ and Ted's drunken performance.

Ted attempted to sing another verse, "Four shots, hey! Mas Tequila!"

——

The next morning, EJ woke up on the couch in Ted's apartment, his head pounding. He groaned, sitting up slowly. "What the hell?" he muttered, noticing a strange, throbbing sensation on his upper arm. He pulled up his sleeve and saw a small tattoo of a stick dragon. "What the hell?" he repeated, louder this time.

To answer that, we have to go back to last night.

Last Night

Carl walked over to their booth with a smirk on his face. "And how did you guys like the shots?"

Ted, leaning heavily on the table, grinned. "I drank all five, bitch."

EJ raised his hand in triumph. "I drank the other five, bitch!"

Marshall laughed. "I love drunk Ted."

Ted turned to Carl, eyes wide. "Marshall thinks you're a vampire."

EJ added with mock seriousness, "Don't suck my blood, Carl! I need it."

Carl, unfazed, looked at them sternly. "If anyone pukes, one of you guys cleans it up."

As Carl walked away, Lily quickly put her index finger on her nose. "No dibs."

Marshall followed suit. "Oh, no dibs."

Barney, realizing he was too late, sighed. "No... dammit."

Ted, with a smug look, declared, "How quickly you all forget. I haven't puked since high school. I am vomit-free since ninety-three. Vomit-free since ninety-three. That's funny. I'm funny."

EJ, slurring slightly, cheered. "93? As in 1992! That's awesome, man!"

Ted fished out his cell phone from his pocket.

Lily, alarmed, asked, "Who are you calling?"

Ted's eyes gleamed with drunken inspiration. "Robin."

EJ joined in, "Robin!"

Marshall shook his head. "Oh, bad idea."

Barney, however, was all for it. "No, no, that's a great idea. That's the whole point of getting drunk. You do things you would never do in a million years if you were sober."

Lily shot back, "Says every girl you've ever slept with."

She held up her hand for a high-five, which Barney pretended not to notice. Marshall pointed at Lily, exasperated. "Say what?!"

Ignoring the banter, Ted pressed call. "Hello Robin, it's Ted."

In the back of a limo, dressed up for her date, Robin answered, "Oh hi, Ted."

"Hello Robin, it's Ted," Ted repeated, sounding proud of his accomplishment.

Robin chuckled. "Hi Ted. Sounds like you're having fun."

EJ, leaning closer to the phone, asked, "Is that Robin?"

Ted nodded vigorously. "Robin, have I ever told you that I'm vomit-free since ninety-three?"

Robin, amused but slightly concerned, replied, "Listen, Ted, I can't really talk right now... '93? Dude, that's impressive."

Ted continued, undeterred. "I don't say this enough, but you're a great woman, and a great reporter. You should be on 60 Minutes. You should be one of the minutes."

Robin, flattered but trying to end the call, said, "That's sweet and odd. But I'm kinda on a date right now."

Ted, his tone turning protective, said, "Yeah, and I disagree with Barney. Just 'cause this guy is spending a lot of money doesn't mean you have to put out. Take it slow, Robin, take it slow. Slow."

Robin sighed. "Bye, Ted."

"Slow," Ted repeated as Lily took away his phone.

Marshall shook his head. "Wow, right, that's why we don't do shots."

Lily agreed. "Friends don't let friends drink and dial."

Ted, reaching for his phone, protested, "I need that phone back."

Lily, holding it out of reach, said, "You'll get this back at the end of class."

Barney, in a mock-serious tone, announced, "Ding, class dismissed." He handed the phone back to Ted. "Here you go, kid, you call whoever you want."

Ted saluted Barney. "Thank you, kind sir. At least someone appreciates the fact that I'm doing and not thinking. And now I don't think I won't not go to the bathroom."

EJ, still in a jovial mood, pulled out his own phone. "Good thing I have my phone!"

As Ted walked away, Lily looked at Barney, exasperated. "Was that necessary? He is not making smart decisions."

Barney shrugged. "Exactly. It's like, what's he gonna do next? I don't know, but I want to find out."

Suddenly, Cheap Trick's "Voices" started playing on the jukebox. Marshall's face lit up. "Cheap Trick? Oh man."

In the limo, Robin's phone rang again. It was EJ. She answered with a smile, "Hello EJ."

EJ, slightly off-key, sang along with the jukebox. "Hey, it's EJ. Is this Robin?"

Robin, now genuinely amused, replied, "Yes, you sound like you're having fun."

EJ, laughing, sang louder. "Plain to see again. Oh my God, Robin, I'm so drunk."

Ted, now standing on the table, joined in. "Please can I see you every day?"

EJ yelled to everyone in the bar, "I love everyone in this bar. I love each and every one of you!"

Marshall, laughing, shouted back, "And we love you, drunk Ted and EJ."

Ted, oblivious to the world, continued singing. "I'm a fool again."

Robin, in the limo, could only listen in bemusement. EJ added his own line, "I fell in love..."

And then, with a dramatic flair, EJ fell off the table.

Robin's voice came through the phone, concerned. "EJ?"

EJ, still laughing, reassured her. "Yeah, I'm quite okay. Did I ever tell you you're amazing, Robin? You should really have your own show. You are the greatest woman ever."

Robin, touched but worried, replied, "Thanks, EJ. I think you need to go home and rest."

EJ shook his head, as if she could see him. "I don't think that's a good idea."

Robin, puzzled, asked, "And why not?"

EJ grinned mischievously. "Because I have a better idea!"

He hung up the phone just as Lily snatched it away.

——

Present Time

The next morning, EJ awoke in Ted's apartment, still puzzled by the fresh tattoo on his arm. "What the hell?" he muttered, rubbing his eyes and trying to piece together the events of the previous night.

Ted, emerging from his bedroom with a pained expression, glanced at EJ's tattoo and chuckled weakly. "Well, that explains the ankle."

Lily, suddenly curious, asked Ted, "And then we brought you home and put you to bed. Was there anyone else in there with me?"

Ted limped over to the bedroom door, with Marshall and Lily following closely behind. Lily cautiously opened the door and peeked inside, then quickly shut it. "There's a girl in there."

Ted nodded, looking somewhat dazed. "I know."

Marshall, ever the inquisitive one, chimed in, "And a pineapple."

Ted repeated, "I know."

Lily pressed further, "Who is she?"

Ted shook his head, bewildered. "I don't know."

His confusion deepened when he noticed his burnt jacket. "What the hell happened to my jacket?"

Marshall's eyes widened. "Whoa."

Lily, worried now, asked tentatively, "That girl in there is alive, right?"

Ted, now feeling the weight of his actions, sighed. "I should call Barney, maybe he knows what happened."

Marshall grabbed his phone and handed it to Ted. They could hear the ringing sound coming from the bathroom. Curious, they all walked over as Lily pulled back the curtain, revealing a surprisingly relaxed Barney lying in the tub.

Barney greeted them nonchalantly, "Hello."

EJ, bewildered, questioned him, "Why are you sleeping in the tub?"

Barney, unfazed, replied casually, "The porcelain keeps the suit from wrinkling."

Lily, trying to piece together the night, asked with a hint of concern, "Wait, were you here when I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night?"

Barney chuckled, "Don't worry, I slept through it. I totally didn't sleep through it. For a little girl, you've got a big tank."

Marshall, still processing everything, interjected, "How did you get in here anyway? We put Ted to bed around one."

"And how did I get this tattoo?" EJ replied.

And yet again, to answer that question, we have to go back to....

Last Night

EJ held his phone with unsteady hands, his determination to reach Robin palpable. "Hello, Robin, it's EJ."

Robin, seated elegantly at a dinner table, sighed audibly. She answered with a mix of amusement and frustration, "EJ, for the last time, stop. Ted just called me ten minutes ago. I thought you were going to bed."

EJ, undeterred and slightly defiant, replied, "Damn Ted, stop it. Testy bitch."

Robin, growing increasingly exasperated, asked pointedly, "And why are you calling from a different number?"

EJ chuckled, "Remember I told you I had a better idea than that? This was it."

Robin's patience wore thin as she heard a commotion in the background. "Seriously, please stop calling me. I'm on a date. I'll see you tomorrow."

EJ's frustration boiled over. "I should beat the fuck out of that billionaire," he muttered under his breath, unaware that Robin could still hear him.

Robin's voice came through the phone, now filled with concern, "What?"

EJ yelled in frustration, "DAMMIT!"

Robin, alarmed, called out, "EJ!"

Present Day

EJ, now back in Ted's apartment, looked around at his friends with a mix of disbelief and resignation. "Well, I guess that answers that question."

Ted, Barney, Lily, and Marshall sat around the living room, still trying to piece together the night's events amidst the lingering haze of alcohol and confusion.

Ted, finally breaking the silence, turned to Barney with accusation in his voice. "You set me on fire."

Barney, ever the smooth talker, shrugged nonchalantly. "Real suede wouldn't have gone up so fast. You got robbed, this is a blend."

Ted was having none of it. "You set me on fire. And who's the girl in my bed?"

Barney looked at Lily and Marshall, then stumbled over to Ted's room to confirm. He peeked inside, closed the door, and stumbled back to the living room, a smirk on his face. "There's a girl in your bed."

Marshall, always curious, couldn't resist. "And a pineapple. Am I the only one who's curious about the pineapple?"

Barney, still amused, asked Ted, "Who is she?"

Ted, growing increasingly frustrated, shook his head. "I have no idea."

Barney, apparently unfazed by the chaos he had helped create, commented casually, "Nice."

Ted couldn't believe it. "You really don't know who that is?"

Barney scratched his head. "No, after I hosed you down with a beverage gun, I brought you back here."

Ted's brow furrowed as he checked his burnt sleeve and found writing on his arm. "I better not have gotten burned."

Lily, reading aloud, interrupted. "Hi, I'm Ted, if lost, please call... Whose number is that?"

Ted shrugged, perplexed. "I don't know."

Marshall, ever the problem-solver, jumped up excitedly. "Dude, call it. Hold on, I'm gonna make some popcorn."

He dashed to the kitchen and returned with a bowl of popcorn, eagerly anticipating the unraveling mystery.

EJ, still recovering from his night of unexpected adventures, muttered to himself, "I guess the next question is how I got back."

And again.....

Last Night

As EJ stumbled out of the tattoo parlor, his mind swirling with a mix of alcohol-induced haze and a newfound sense of accomplishment from his impromptu ink, he found himself navigating the unfamiliar streets of Queens. The neon lights and bustling nightlife seemed both inviting and intimidating as he weaved his way through the crowds.

"Hey buddy, you okay?" A concerned passerby asked, eyeing EJ's disheveled appearance.

EJ flashed a lopsided grin, holding up his newly tattooed arm proudly. "Never been better! Just got myself a masterpiece!" He gestured dramatically to the stick dragon now permanently etched on his skin.

The passerby chuckled nervously and hurried away, leaving EJ to continue his journey. He stumbled into a nearby bar, where he engaged in enthusiastic conversations with strangers about life.

Hours passed in a blur of laughter and blurry memories. EJ found himself dancing with newfound friends in an alleyway, far removed from the skyscrapers of Manhattan. Marshall and Lily, having tracked his erratic movements across the borough, finally caught up with him.

"Lily, look! There he is!" Marshall pointed excitedly to EJ, who was attempting some questionable dance moves with a group of bewildered locals.

Lily shook her head in disbelief. "I can't believe we found him here, in Queens! How did he even get this far?"

Marshall shrugged, grinning. "Drunk logic. Let's get him back before he gets us into more trouble."

They approached EJ cautiously, trying to coax him away from his newfound dance crew. "EJ, buddy, time to go home," Marshall called out, attempting to steer him towards the sidewalk.

EJ spun around, his expression a mix of surprise and delight. "Marshall! Lily! You made it to my party!" He tried to high-five Lily, nearly missing her hand.

Lily sighed, grabbing his arm gently. "Come on, EJ. Let's get you back to the apartment before you end up dancing on top of a car."

EJ nodded enthusiastically, suddenly serious. "Good idea. Gotta take care of this," he said, pointing proudly at his tattoo.

——

Upon returning to Ted's apartment, Lily noticed something alarming. "EJ, your tattoo looks infected! We need to clean that up before it gets worse."

EJ nodded agreeably, though slightly bewildered. "Sure thing, Lily. You're the best."

While Marshall distracted EJ with tales of their adventure, Lily carefully cleaned and treated the tattoo, muttering under her breath about the dangers of late-night decisions and questionable tattoo parlors.

Once EJ's tattoo was properly cared for, they settled him onto the couch, where he promptly fell into a deep, alcohol-induced slumber.

——

EJ stirred on the couch and fumbled for his phone. With bleary eyes, he managed to dial Robin's number once more.

"Hello? Robin?" EJ slurred into the phone, his words slightly muddled.

No answer.

Undeterred, he scrolled through his contacts and called Ben and Rachel.

Still no answer.

Defeated but not entirely surprised, EJ sighed heavily and let his phone slip from his grasp. "No luck," he muttered to himself, sinking deeper into the couch cushions.

Marshall, passing by on his way to the kitchen, glanced over at EJ with a sympathetic smile. "Hang in there, buddy," he said softly before disappearing into the kitchen.

Lily, noticing EJ's restless state, adjusted the blanket over him and whispered, "Sleep it off, EJ."

——

Present

EJ laughed too, despite the throbbing in his head. "Well, at least it's a good story."

Ted nodded, sitting down heavily on the couch. "Yeah, one for the books. One for the very, very regrettable books."

Knowing he had to go home, EJ bid farewell to the others, knowing he would be seeing them again that night.

As he stepped out onto the bustling Manhattan street, EJ felt a mix of relief and amusement at the series of events that had transpired.

Lily, ever the caring friend, voiced her concern one last time before EJ disappeared into the taxi he hailed. "You sure you're okay, EJ?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine," EJ replied with a grin. "Just need some water and a good breakfast. I'll see you all later tonight."

With that, he slid into the backseat of the taxi, his mind still piecing together the fragments of last night's adventures. As the taxi pulled away from the curb, EJ glanced down at his phone and noticed a string of missed calls and unanswered messages, including several attempts to reach Robin.

"Ah, shit," he muttered under his breath, realizing the extent of his drunken dialing spree.

The taxi driver, catching EJ's reflective gaze in the rearview mirror, broke the silence with a lighthearted comment. "Rough night?"

"You could say that," EJ chuckled, shaking his head in mild disbelief. "I think I owe a lot of apologies today."

The taxi driver grinned sympathetically. "We've all been there, buddy. Hey, nice tattoo by the way. Looks like you had quite the night."

——

After stumbling into his apartment, EJ collapsed onto his couch, hoping the comforts of home would soothe the remnants of his hangover. He managed to make himself a modest breakfast, hoping to ease the lingering effects of the night before. As he sipped on his coffee and nibbled on toast, his phone buzzed insistently on the coffee table.

EJ glanced at the screen and saw Robin's name flashing. He hesitated for a moment, half-expecting a lecture or a teasing remark about his antics. Finally, he gathered his courage and answered, "Robin, hey, what's up?"

"I heard you got a tattoo," Robin replied, her voice a mix of amusement and curiosity.

EJ chuckled awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck. "Yeah, it's this cool dragon. Went a bit crazy, I guess."

"Robin couldn't hold back a sarcastic and funny comment. "You? Crazy? Never."

EJ chuckled weakly. "I know, shocking, right?"

There was a brief pause before Robin continued. "Listen, can I come over? I think you and I need to talk about last night."

EJ hesitated, trying to play dumb. "About what last night?"

"You called me eight times," Robin stated matter-of-factly, "two of which you were drunk, and you sent me a voicemail of you singing 'Free Bird' and playing an air guitar."

EJ winced, realizing the extent of his antics. "What can I say? I'm not pleasant while drunk."

Robin chuckled on the other end. "That's one way to put it. But seriously, I think we should talk."

"Sure, come on over," EJ sighed, realizing he couldn't avoid the inevitable conversation.

"Great, I'll see you in a bit," Robin confirmed before hanging up.

EJ leaned back against the kitchen counter, rubbing his temples. "I'm such an idiot," he muttered to himself, knowing he had some explaining to do when Robin arrived.