2030

EJ and Robin's Living Room

EJ sat comfortably on the couch, glancing at Shea, who was sprawled out with her phone. "Shea, as you probably know, there's nothing better than New York City in the wintertime, especially when you're doing absolutely nothing," EJ said, a nostalgic smile playing on his lips. "Which is what me and your mom did in the winter of 2006."

2006

In Marshall and Ted's apartment, a winter storm raged outside. The gang was scattered across various apartments, cozy and content with their significant others. Grace and Ted were deeply engrossed in a board game, making lighthearted jabs at each other as the clock ticked past midnight.

Suddenly, the door burst open, and in walked Barney, wearing a leather jacket, practically buzzing with excitement.

"Okay! All-night rave, abandoned tire factory in Newark. We're on the list. Who's in?" he said, grinning.

Ted barely looked up from the board game. "Nope."

Grace shook her head with a chuckle. "Definitely no."

Later, Barney tried his luck again, this time with EJ and Robin, who were cuddled up on the couch watching Die Hard. The comforting glow of the TV illuminated the cozy apartment.

"Private jet. Teeterboro Airport. Skinny-skydiving. Who's in?" Barney announced, eyes wide with excitement.

EJ turned slightly to Robin, raising an eyebrow. "Nah."

Robin shook her head. "Not a chance."

Finally, Barney tried Marshall and Lily, but even that was a dead end.

A Few Hours Later

The gang was all gathered in EJ's apartment now, cozied up together when Barney burst in, more energetic than ever.

"Guys! Hang on to your bedsores, grandparents from Willy Wonka, because guess who's on his way up to this apartment right now?" Barney's eyes gleamed as he paused dramatically. "My... wait for it... brother, James! React!"

EJ's face lit up. "James!"

Everyone else perked up too, exchanging surprised looks.

"Wait," Robin said, eyes narrowing slightly in confusion. "You have a brother?"

"Yup! He's the awesome-est, most best looking-est, greatest guy ever," Barney beamed. "Oh, and he's gay."

Grace's eyes widened in surprise. "Really? I never would've pictured you with a gay brother. That's awesome."

Barney nodded eagerly as someone knocked on the door. "Here he is!"

The door swung open, revealing James in all his suited-up glory.

"What up, New York?" James greeted, spreading his arms wide.

Robin's jaw dropped. "Thanks for the heads up," she muttered, turning to EJ, who stifled a laugh.

Ted couldn't help but quip, "Is he black? I guess I'm the kind of person who focuses on who people are on the inside rather than the color of their skin."

EJ chuckled, nudging Robin. "Babe, your face. Priceless."

James swept through the room with infectious energy. "I just went skinny-skydiving—legendary! And our laser tag team? Regional finals—legendarier!" He paused and gave his suit a grand gesture. "Handcrafted by Pietro Dellacamera, the famous 101-year-old tailor from Milan who dropped dead after finishing this suit. Ironically, that's how good I look in it."

James crossed the room to high-five EJ. "What's up, my dude?"

Barney grinned. "Guys, 'gimme five' is back!"

EJ laughed. "Oh, Robin, this is James, Barney's brother. James, this is my girlfriend, Robin."

"Hey, it's so nice to meet you," Robin said, shaking his hand.

James smiled warmly. "Likewise." He then spotted Ted and Grace cuddled in the corner. "Wait, Ted and Grace? EJ, you okay with that?"

EJ smirked. "Please, like I care."

Robin leaned into EJ, curious. "So, I have to ask—there's a story here, right?"

Before they could dive into it, James clapped his hands. "So, what are you guys doing tonight?"

Barney jumped in, all excitement. "James is my wingman tonight. Ted, you've been neglecting your duties."

Ted raised a hand in surrender. "You're better off with James anyway."

Marshall, nestled with Lily, chuckled. "Last time James was here, Barney got slapped, lucky, and ended up in a hot tub that shall remain confidential."

James smirked. "Public figure confidentiality agreement. But I will say, more back hair than should be legal."

Lily nodded knowingly. "And then there was the brother-sister combo you two scored."

Barney and James exchanged a knowing glance. "It was everything we dreamed of watching Donnie and Marie," Barney said, grinning.

"She was a little bit country," James added.

"And he was a little bit way into black guys!" Barney finished, making the room erupt with laughter.

James looked around. "So, are you all going out tonight, or are you gonna sit here like the 'grandparents from Willy Wonka?'" He turned serious, delivering his passionate rallying cry. "You are young, attractive people in the greatest city in the world! There are boys and girls in Nobody Cares, Wyoming, wishing they could be here. But instead, they're in some basement, drinking bad malt liquor. You owe it to them to shimmy your lazy asses into something hot and live their dream!"

The gang stared at him for a beat before erupting in cheers.

"For Wyoming!" they shouted, laughing.

"Testify!" James yelled, throwing his arms in the air, as the room buzzed with energy, ready for whatever legendary night awaited them.

———

At the Bar

The gang entered the buzzing bar, with James and Barney leading the way. Barney flung his arms out dramatically. "Daddy's home! Yeah! All right, bro. What do you like? Guy in super tight black T? Super tight black guy? Guy who looks like Mr. T?"

James surveyed the crowd, nodding thoughtfully. "Mmm, yes, yes, and... talk to me after two martinis. But tonight, let's focus on you, my man."

Barney grinned. "Feeling lazy. How 'bout the girl with the chocolatini?"

James squinted. "Oh, boom, back tattoo. Hero and the pig?"

Barney slapped James on the back. "Let's ride."

As they approached the girl, James confidently threw out, "Damn, baby, nice tramp stamp!"

The woman whipped around, glaring. "Get off me, you pig!"

Barney intervened, his tone suddenly serious, "Hey! Hey! Her body art is not an invitation to grope her, it's an expression of her inner self. I'm sure, in many ways, she is the dolphin encircled by flowers."

The woman, though surprised, softened slightly at Barney's unexpected defense. "Thanks. You should stay close... just in case."

Barney's eyes widened. "Sure. If it'll make you feel safer. I'm Barney."

As they moved through the crowd, Barney and James spotted EJ. Barney grinned mischievously. "Hey, EJ! C'mon, man. Just like old times. Help us out with the ladies."

EJ smirked and shook his head. "Sorry, guys, I'm happily taken." He glanced over at Robin, who was chatting with Lily.

Barney and James exchanged a look, both saying in unison, "What?!"

EJ laughed. "Yup. Those days are over. For now, at least."

James clapped him on the back. "Cool, cool."

Barney, undeterred, stayed close to the woman. "Let me know if he bothers you again."

The woman smiled. "You should stay close... just in case."

Barney shot James a victorious look. "Boiling hot."

Meanwhile, James was making the rounds, effortlessly striking up conversations.

"Have you met my brother?" Barney called out, introducing James to random people.

James, with his usual charm, played along. "Nice to meet ya."

Suddenly, James glanced at his phone. "I wish I would've worn sneakers tonight. I just got done running from some fat, hairy guy whose pleather pants were practically falling off."

At a nearby booth, Lily groaned. "I miss my jammies. I can't believe I wore a bra for this."

Robin nodded in agreement. "Bras suck. They're so confining and unnatural."

Lily added, "Yeah, they're like a boobie zoo."

A random guy overheard them and sidled up. "Well, why don't you take it off then and let those puppies breathe?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Oh, please go sweat on someone else."

EJ, watching the exchange, raised an eyebrow. "Poor guy."

Lily shot him a look. "Poor guy? Poor my boobs."

Marshall chuckled. "Hey, it takes guts to approach a girl, and you just crushed him."

Grace piped in, smirking. "Oh, yeah. He looks all broken up inside."

Robin shrugged. "Whatever, you guys have no idea what it's like to be on the receiving end."

Ted, not missing a beat, chimed in sarcastically, "Oh, poor me. I'm a pretty girl, and everybody everywhere wants to buy me drinks and have sex with me. Waaaah."

EJ laughed and added, "Oh, woe is you. Must be real tough being so irresistible and pretty. Being hit on all the time."

Marshall leaned in. "Oh, poor me. I get to order yummy, pink drinks with chunks of real fruit that guys secretly like but can't order because they'll be made fun of."

EJ shook his head, grinning. "Dude."

Marshall threw his hands up. "They're delicious!"

As the night wore on, James remained unusually reserved. Another guy approached and offered James a shot. James waved him off. "Nah, thanks. I've had enough. Plus, that guy's in way too good shape. We'd spend all night talking about his body fat content."

The guy walked away, and James turned to the gang. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go have a yummy, pink drink with fruit in it... because I can."

Lily squinted. "You know, that was like the third hot guy James blew off tonight."

Marshall nodded. "Yeah, he's turning down shots, yawning, and whining about his feet. He's as bad as we are."

EJ, realizing it too, added, "You're right. Something's up. He's not acting like his usual self."

Ted's eyes widened. "Wait... you don't think James is... in a relationship, do you?"

Robin's jaw dropped. "No way. He's Barney's brother."

Grace suddenly pointed. "Oh my God, look! He's texting."

Lily gasped. "He is in a couple! This is gonna kill Barney."

At that moment, Barney returned to the group. "What's gonna kill me? What's going on?"

Marshall hesitated, glancing at the others. "Uh, Barney? Have you noticed anything... different about James?"

Barney shook his head. "No. I mean, he's glowing from his peel, if that's what you mean."

Ted stepped forward. "Barney, we have reason to believe... your brother is monogamous."

Barney scoffed. "That's ridiculous! Just because he's a little sleepy and hasn't had sex with anyone in a bathroom stall—wait a minute. He hasn't had sex with anyone in a bathroom stall."

Robin sighed. "And Barney... I hate to be the one to tell you this, but... he's texting."

EJ put a hand on Barney's shoulder. "Barney, your brother James... is in a committed relationship."

Barney's eyes widened in disbelief. "No... No way."

Grace leaned in, nodding sympathetically. "The first step is acceptance, Barney."

Barney stood there, frozen, shaking his head in denial. "No! That... that is impossible."

He turned away from the group, pacing as he muttered to himself, "No... no..."

And with that, Barney went to go and confront his brother.

———

At the Apartment

Lily smiled sweetly at Marshall as she noticed him setting something down in front of her. "Oh, sweetie! Did you make that for me?" she asked, her voice full of warmth.

Marshall nodded proudly. "Yes, I did."

Just then, Barney burst into the apartment, his usual energetic self. "Clam Bake. Staten Island. Who's in?" He paused, looking around the room as his friends barely reacted. "Okay, I didn't have high hopes for that one," he admitted before launching into his real rant. "Okay, here's my thing. If gay guys start getting married, then suddenly the whole world's gonna be doing it. That's how it works. They start something, and six months later, everyone follows. Like now, everyone gets manicures."

Ted raised an eyebrow. "I don't get manicures."

Barney waved off Ted's response. "Okay, then, like... like getting your chest waxed."

Lily's eyes widened slightly. "You get your chest waxed?"

Barney faltered for a second but quickly regained his composure. "You know what I mean! Gay marriage is going to cause single life, as we know it, to die out. Think of how the American family will be strengthened."

Grace, watching Barney with a mixture of sympathy and seriousness, offered softly, "Barney, I'm sorry you're upset, but you got to suck it up and be a man about this. James seems happy."

Barney turned to her, his frustration evident. "No. It's always been me and him together, being awesome, while the rest of you walked two-by-two onto your ark of sexless boredom."

Marshall tried to reassure his friend. "Just because James is getting married doesn't mean things are going to change."

Barney crossed his arms. "Yeah. Like things haven't changed with you people."

Ted, sensing an opportunity to diffuse the situation, shared his own experience. "Look, my sister married a guy I didn't like. Sandals and socks—come on, buddy. But I took her out, we celebrated. It was the right thing to do. You gotta support him."

Barney sighed, rubbing his temples. "You're right, Ted. This is a cause for celebration. We need to take him out and celebrate the commitment he and Tom are about to make."

---

At a Gay Bar

Barney, James, and the rest of the group—Marshall, Lily, Grace, Ted, EJ, and Robin—arrived at the gay bar, a lively place full of energy. EJ, taking it all in, looked around with wide eyes. "Wow, so this is a gay bar," he commented, genuinely curious.

James gave Barney a sidelong glance, half-laughing. "Yeah. This is where we're celebrating the commitment that Tom and I are about to make?"

Barney, ever the smooth talker, responded, "What? Yeah! See, that cage represents your commitment."

Marshall, eyeing the cage suspiciously, muttered under his breath, "Oh, my God. Freedom has never tasted so delicious."

As the group settled in, a fit man approached EJ, his eyes glinting with interest. "Hey, you work out?"

EJ smiled politely. "I do. And thank you for noticing. You're obviously in very good shape yourself."

The man smirked. "Well, I try. So, you wanna dance?"

EJ interjected, "You know what? I'm very flattered, and, objectively, you're a very attractive man, but this is actually my girlfriend." He gestured awkwardly to Robin, who shot him a confused look.

The man blinked in surprise, "I'm sorry. You know, I saw your drink and I—"

EJ quickly held up his hands. "No, no, this isn't my drink. This is hers."

Robin deadpanned, "No, it isn't."

EJ stammered, "Robin!"

The man rolled his eyes and turned to Ted. "How 'bout you?"

Ted, ever diplomatic, smiled and said, "Oh, I'm straight too. But I thank you for your time, and I appreciate your interest in my body."

Marshall chuckled. "You see that? Being hit on doesn't have to be terrible. I feel flattered, and everyone left with their dignity."

Just then, another man walked by and complimented Robin. "Hey, I really like your sweater."

Robin, delighted, grinned. "Wow, you actually do, don't you? You're not checking out my boobs or anything."

The man, with a quick wink, replied, "My name's Gay Ken, what do you think?"

Robin laughed. "I love this place! Let's dance!"

Lily, hearing her, jumped in. "And not be groped!"

Robin raised her arms, letting out a whoop. "Whoo! Thank you."

The atmosphere in the bar remained lively, with everyone soaking in the fun. James turned to Barney, excitedly recounting a recent victory. "And then Tom says to the dealer that the handmade Georgian clock has a chip on the corner. Blam, we get that puppy half price. What up?!" He mimicked a celebratory motion. "Bam!"

Barney, half-listening, raised an eyebrow. "Sounds like you really rocked that arts and crafts fair."

James sighed, his expression softening. "Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. Hey, oh, my God. This is so liberating, being able to talk about this to you. I cannot wait for you to meet Tom."

---

Later on, after EJ had been hit on for the ninth time that night, he finally had enough. "I'm flattered, but I have a girlfriend. And she's hot."

A/N: My God, Cobie Smulders in S1-2

A man smirked, raising an eyebrow. "Hotter than me?"

EJ crossed his arms, "I appreciate your interest in my body, but please move along."

Marshall, watching Barney from across the bar, whispered to Ted, "I just never thought I'd see Barney so vulnerable."

Ted nodded, glancing at Barney, who sat quietly by the bar, lost in thought. "Well, I guess no one wants to feel like they're going through the world alone."

EJ added thoughtfully, "I'm sure it's hard for him to see all of us with our girls, and him being by himself. Even Ben."

Ted perked up at the mention of Ben. "I miss Ben. When's he done with filming?"

EJ replied, "Next month, and then he'll be done for a while."

As they continued their conversation, another man sauntered over, winking. "Look at me, in a yummy sandwich!"

Marshall, now exasperated, held up a hand. "Okay, we're actually right in the middle of something right now, so..."

The man didn't miss a beat. "Ooh, I know what I want to be in the middle of. Thoughts?"

Ted threw his hands up, exasperated. "God, can't three straight guys come to a gay dance club, enjoy some techno and good conversation without being bothered?"

Robin appeared at the perfect moment, grinning at their predicament. "How's it going, guys? Still enjoying the attentions of men?"

Marshall, shaking his head in disbelief, said, "That's like the eighth guy who's hit on us in ten minutes. It's like, hello, my eyes are up here."

Ted added, "And it's never the hot ones. It's always the losers. Bums me out!"

EJ chuckled, shaking his head. "I guess we learned our lesson. Still feels good being hit on at least."

Lily, overhearing their conversation, smiled knowingly. "Looks like the boys learned their lesson."

Grace laughed. "Do you totally miss being hit on?"

Robin shrugged, still riding the high of the night. "Oh, totally. Let's go find a sports bar."

With that, EJ, Robin, Ted, Grace, Marshall, and Lily all left the bar, heading out to continue their night elsewhere.

———

At the Gay Bar

Barney, still trying to push his agenda, approached James with a sly grin. "James, since you like arts and crafts, look at what Charles here made with cherry stems. He did it with his tongue. Yeah." He gestured toward a guy who was holding up a twisted cherry stem proudly.

James sighed. "Barney..."

Barney pushed forward, undeterred. "So, Charles, why don't you put your number in my brother's phone, and once he's in a funner mood..."

James, exasperated, cut him off. "Barney, Barney, I don't want his number. I don't want anyone's number, okay? I'm getting married."

Charles raised his eyebrows, a little surprised but still polite. "Wow. Best of luck to you both."

James smiled tightly. "Thank you."

Charles, ever discreet, added in a whisper to James, "My number's in here. I'm very discreet."

James sighed, trying to stay composed. "Okay, okay, excuse me." He turned to Barney, clearly frustrated. "Barney, family talk." He pulled his brother aside, his voice firm. "Okay, dude, you have got to stop this, okay? I know that my getting married is threatening to your way of life..."

Barney, looking hurt, jumped in defensively. "Oh, so now it's *my* way of life? I thought it was *our* way of life. You've completely turned your back on it. Look at you, not even suited up! Do you remember why we suit up, James?"

James rolled his eyes. "To get laid."

Barney shook his head passionately. "To show people that we are *different* from the millions of T-shirt and jeans lemmings out there! The suit shows that we are a force to be reckoned with, a two-person army that plays by its own rules. But you've taken off the uniform, you've crossed enemy lines, and you've abandoned me. Well, I'm not gonna let you do that. It's not too late to back out of this stupid marriage thing! You don't have to do this, bro!"

James sighed, but this time with a look of finality. "Yes, I do."

Barney, still in denial, pressed further. "Why?!"

James finally dropped the bombshell. "Because Tom and I are gonna have a baby."

Barney's eyes widened in shock. "What? There's gonna be a baby?"

James nodded with a soft smile. "Yes. We're adopting."

Barney blinked, taking a moment to process. "Oh, my God. I'm gonna be an uncle?"

James brought Barney into a hug. "For the rest of your life."

---

2030

EJ and Robin's Living Room

"And that's how Barney became Uncle Barney. A year later, at James's wedding, Barney could not have been more proud."

---

James' Wedding

Barney, dressed impeccably in a sharp suit, stood confidently in front of the wedding crowd, holding up his champagne glass. "To James and Tom. May you have a long and happy life together. And may I always have the skin and libido of a much younger man." He raised his glass higher. "Cheers!"

Everyone lifted their glasses in unison. "Cheers!"

Barney grinned, pleased with himself. "Thanks. I decided to leave out the hetero college phase. No one wants to hear about that."

Lily, standing nearby, gave him a playful nudge. "It was perfect. You even made Tom's dad cry. Might've been doing that because he's a Republican."

Marshall chimed in, checking his watch. "Whoa. It's 9:00. We should be getting back. You guys want to split a cab?"

Ted, leaning against the bar, shook his head. "Uh, no, I think I'm gonna stay a little bit longer."

Grace, sitting beside him, smiled. "Yeah, me too. I'm not tired at all."

EJ looked over at Robin, who was swaying to the music. "I think I'm gonna stay. You wanna dance?" he asked, extending his hand toward her.

Robin smiled back at him, nodding as she grabbed his hand and playfully dragged him to the dance floor.

Meanwhile, Ben, who had been quietly observing the room, leaned over to Marshall and Lily with a cheeky grin. "You know, that girl at the bar is really something. Time for Uncle Ben to work his magic." He winked and sauntered over to chat up the woman at the bar, leaving Marshall and Lily laughing.

Marshall chuckled as he shook his head. "All right, well, it's getting late. Gotta get the wife home."

Lily playfully swatted him. "Oh, stop calling me that. It makes me sound fat."

Barney, who had been eavesdropping on their conversation, rolled his eyes dramatically. "Ugh, it's a freaking epidemic."

Back on the dance floor, Ted and Grace got up to join EJ and Robin. The group danced together, enjoying the celebration as the night grew later and the music louder. They laughed, talked, and soaked in the happiness of James and Tom's wedding, creating memories to last a lifetime.