CHAPTER fifty| ARE WE FINE?

Bring me the horizon~ medicine
❝Because I cut my teeth and bit my young, 'til my mouth was dripping blood.❞

➳

MY HAIR HAD never been just brown. There are a plethora of colours, each had something within it that made it so unique that no two colours were ever made the same. It isn't ever just brown; it is honey oats that were stuck onto strands of hair that are encased in the colour of warm chocolate that had been enfuesed with the sweetest caramel, or it is the bark from trees that had been growing for decades in the most perfect sun that the Earth had ever encountered. Each morsel was different, mine had mahogany wood and a drop of pure, relentless, dirt that had been fresh enough to let green grass grow in the nip of winter. In the light my hair was more like melting wood, the sun made it look like there was gold enfused with the most special strands that fell in front of my eyes.

I had beautiful eyes once too. They were not victims of aesthetics or minor change- my eyes had been deceased since the very minute that I thought the same had happened to my brother. There was a circle of honey within them as well that I had taken from my mother; my father loved a lot about her but I seemed to remember that her brown eyes were his favourite. That was what I lost; the honey that managed to make my blue eyes seem more real- it seemed like they related me to my mother just as much as my father.

To understand us, you had to understand that me and Remy were not the same. There was a man before my father that my mother loved, a man that I had only ever seen in pictures or ashes that she had scattered into an open grave but to Remy, that was the only man that he accepted as a father. He was brave, strong and unlike my mother he was from an area that used to live beyond the Districts before the war destroyed our known world. But, he was smart, and he made it into District 5 because unlike his family he was lucky enough to not be prosecuted because of his home.

I never asked why, but I knew that my mother was drawn to him unlike any other man that she had ever known. This man that had overcome the odds just like we had come to; my mother married him before her family could find them and that was how they ended up in the poorer side of Five. That was also how he died, weeks after Remy was born, as he could not afford to run away from the disease that riddled the area.

And then my father saved my mother from that same disease.

I was 11 when my mother died in childbirth and up until that point I never thought that I had seen her really love him. She needed him to save her and her baby but I think that most of all she needed him to take her reputation and make it something that her child could be proud of. I was the cause of that incandescent need- not love- but I knew that she loved me anyway because I was still half of her. I knew that the part of me that was like her warmed her heart enough to show me kindness.

What I also knew was that she hated the fact that my eyes were his, not her brown eyes that became like golden syrup when the sun hit them right, and that was why I clung to the honey ring around my eyes until my brother - half brother- died and the part of me that was connected to him died as well.

Lillian was lucky enough to get my mother's eyes too, and in between the passion that was enfused in each cell of Remy's body that made him equally foreign and home there was still my mum within him. I was the only one that didn't get any part of her; I only got her hair colour that glistened even right before her death. Even that had been taken from me, and I felt it the most as I watched Remy assess if I was awake enough to talk to him and Dr. Granger.

"She's fine physically, and there doesn't seem to be any internal damage either. If I'm being honest- I don't know what triggered the seizure. She was fine." Dr. Granger insisted as she pulled a piece of her hair back behind her slightly red ears. Her cheeks were also flushed but not from embarrassment; from worry.

"You said Peeta wouldn't harm her. Does it look like she isn't harmed to you Doctor? Does that seem like she is getting better in any way?" Remy scoulded the woman.

She did not shy away from him but as I tried to sit up in the matress that I was given I saw her set her jaw. That was the first time that I thought that the Doctor was out of her depth, but it relinquished as she realised that I was finally in a responsive state and she took a step away from my brother.

"Lorna." She acknowledged as she guided me into a sitting position. "Remy, please can you get Finnick."

Finally Remy's eyes turned away from me as he opened the room and went around the corner. The door hit the wall hard enough for me to jump almost out of my skin- but Dr. Granger was there to keep me steady so that I did not fall again. I felt numb, as if my skin had finally stopped crawling underneath her fingertips, but I still did not feel like I was me again.

"Lorna- I need you to tell me what you felt when you collapsed in there. Please, before Finnick gets here. I need to know if it was Peeta or the word that caused the change in your behaviour." Dr. Granger said hurriedly as she glanced at the door while it closed shut again.

I did not know why she ask, I did not really care as I thought back to the dread in my stomach as Peeta screamed the horrible word.

"The word. That word- it- I don't know what happened." I admitted as I began to panic. She grabbed my wrist when she saw how far my pupils had dilated- it was like she was holding my sanity to the bed by the bones that stuck out of my wrist.

"Doctor." Finnick sighed when he reopened the black painted door. Dr. Granger let go of my wrist as she dusted an invisible amount of dirt off of her shoulder; she stood back as Finnick tried to get to beside me on the bed. I did not notice if she left straight away or after she saw the distress in Finnick's eyes but she was gone when I glanced towards her next- then I was left with him for the first time in weeks.

"Lorna." Finnick marvelled as he looked down at my hand that now laid limply on the bed. Part of me- no, most of me wanted him to take that hand and draw invisible circles on it like he used to. Another part of me was afraid that he wouldn't do it the way that I remembered, but as his larger hand engulfed mine that thought was just a whisper amongst the hurricane that was circling in my chest.

"I came as soon as I heard- are you ok?"

The question was meant to be sincere but I did not feel like he was comforting me, I felt like he was comforting the stranger that he met on the roof so long ago as he tried to avoid direct eye contact. I was done with it. The panic within me subsided as I focused on how many times he had treated me like a broken doll.

"Are we ok?" I muttered as I used my other hand to turn his face towards me. There was nothing about Finnick that wasn't perfect despite the dark bags under his eyes and the red lines that surrounded them; and yet he look so ashamed to stare directly at me. Perhaps it wasn't him that had the imperfections. Perhaps it was me that made everything so unlike us.

"I'm not going to brake if you tell me you hate me- or that you don't love me like you thought you did. I know I'm not the same, and you have already been through so much; I am not anything close to who I was. I'm a blonde now." I sniffed through my red nose when I looked back up towards him.

There were unshed tears in his eyes as he gripped my cheeks in his hands and pulled me close to his chest. Finnick somehow sat beside me so that I could lay my head beside his fastly beating heart- I felt it as I waited for him to finally tell me the truth. Every now and then it skipped a beat but then, it went right back into the old rythmn that I modelled my breath on.

"Hear that? I want you to know that I'm not lying to you-I dont want to ever lie to you Lorna." Finnick clarified as he stroked my almost white hair.

"I don't care if you're blonde, or bald, or filled with scars, I don't care how you come back to me- but I need you to come back and once we left the arena you didn't. For so long I counted the days when you left;  then I did the worst thing I could of done to you right before you got back."

"I haven't been through what you have, and I could never do anything other than love you but in my mind I can't shake the feeling that you might hate me. Even if you don't think you do, I know that deep down there will always be apart of you that sees me as the man that killed your sister." Finnick explained as I finally relaxed into his shirt.

"I don't hate you, but before I let you come back to me I need you to be sure that you don't hate me."

He had made me stumble over my words and my thoughts as I tried despiratly to tell him that I did not hate him for what happened to Lillian. I couldn't, because I didn't know if he was right.

I was different now. I had no part of my mother left and the only sibling I had is only half mine- Lillian was no longer the link between us both and suddenly I didn't know what to believe. I wanted my hair back, because my brown hair would be able to remind me of the stark difference between the product of love and the product of a basic animalistic need that drove two people together. I wanted Finnick and I to fit like my mother and Remy's dad, but I had to be sure.

I had to be certain that he wasn't like my father first.

•••••••••••
1900 words.

I thought it was finally time to explain the relationship between Lorna's parents as it really hasn't ever come up. That, and my Lillian plan is finally beginning to show itself.....

I hope we are all ready to know more about MissFanfictionWriter's character and how much our Dr. really knows because Lorna has A LOT of questions.