CHAPTER sixty-one| THE TRUTH ALWAYS COMES OUT

Bring me the horizon~ throne
❝Every wound will shape me, every scar will build my throne.❞

➳➳

FINNICK KEPT HIS hand on mine for the whole plane ride to the Capitol. There was turbulence, and the lights around the main cargo hold kept flashing like they were about to go out forever, but neither of the us cared as we slowly got taken towards what I assumed would either be the death of Snow, or my own. It made me hold his hand that much tighter for as long as I could as we flew, but there was no way we could be joined together forever, and that was what caused me to feel terribly out of touch with the person that I loved.

Neither Finnick or I had really been talking about it, but the thought of us being separated by anything other than duty was ripe in the air like the lowest hanging fruit on a plant; I didn't want to think about those kind of things for the hours that we would wait to be dropped off somewhere safe, so instead I insisted on watching my therapist as she accompanied the two of us to the place that she was born.

All the while Dr. Granger scribbled notes in a page, and I watched her hands fumble with the ideas she was trying to place on the old paper.

Of course, it was important that I had told my husband about what I thought about Dr. Granger, but that didn't mean that he truly believed me. I knew that he wanted to support my mind in anyway, but I saw the doubt in his face as I began to get up from my seat beside him. I appreciated his love, but the itch in my mind that kept pulling me towards the girl had grown too strong too ignore when she was right there.

It was too tempting, and I was not sound of mind enough to let the voice in my head warning me go.

"Hey." I commented as I sat down next to the doctor that suddenly hid the notes she was writing. It wasn't particularly obvious, instead she kisy gently angled the paper away from me so she could watch me stare at her like she had already done something wrong.

"Miss Titan- sorry Mrs Odair- what can I do for you?" The doctor didn't look flustered as she wriggled under my calculating glare, but it began to show when she fumbled the paper away again- so far that it was almost too far away to read when it was directed towards me.

"It isn't so much what you can do." I began as a strand of my blonde hair struggled from behind my ear where it had been perfectly placed. "It's what you can tell me. Dr. Granger, have you been able to find the reason for, whatever happened to me before. It's been so long, and I want to know what's wrong before I jump back into a war."

It was a good enough excuse, and it was rather believable as visions of me concluding on the ground during gun fire and screaming suddenly seemed only just out of reach, but Dr. Granger managed to see through it. She saw that I hadn't let her out of my sight- I barely blinked- and it made her clear her throat to feel a little less uncomfortable.

"I have theories." She tried to stumble through the words. "But I've never seen anything like it in my life. I think it might be a deep rooted trigger inside of you when you mention something to do with the statement fire. You know?"

Her ringlet curles were rather untidy, and it made her lies seem as chaotic as her hair to me (I knew she just associated the look I was giving her with my Hunger Games victory which made her flustered) even as she tried to professionally smile at me. I wanted her to know that I had figured her out, but she hadn't quite got that yet.

"I'd love it if you could tell me a bit about your old job. You must of had a lot of patients in the Capitol, I'm surprised Snow never asked for your help with the Victor's if you were so great." I commented as if I wasn't really paying attention to her answer, although even that made her want to squirm a little in her seat as she glanced towards Finnick.

"It wasn't that different from now, except I had a lot more resources and- I wasn't getting shot at because of who I was helping. The President never took interest in mental care, he never needed anyone to aid his Victor's, although there were rumours about you. Some of us though he would ask for me, but he never did."

She looked almost unsure of what she was saying, although I knew for a fact that she was lying to my face. My therapist was somehow trying to cheat her way out of telling me the truth when it was her that told me to be truthful myself. I squinted to make sure that she could see the small creases in my skin where the small knife scars cut a bit too deep; a part of me hoped that she would see the slight imperfections as inspiration to tell the truth- to not be so suspect.

"Right." I pursed my lips as the plane we were in jolted to the side slightly, only just a little. "Well keep trying, maybe you'll figure something out about me before we all have to fight."

➳➳

District 8 was filled with enough people to suffocate the victors as they exited the plane. There was so much noise that it almost seemed impossible to hear what the others were saying, and it seemed almost too much for me to bare all at once.

The worst thing was the feeling I got once Boggs tried to train me away from where a speech just ended, and it seemed like everyone in the near area was watching me go. It felt so small, and with that feeling more were brought back that I had been laced with whenever I thought about being close to the Capitol again; the feeling I felt most of all was the emptiness I had felt for days at one time after being wiped the first time. It was all too much.

Even as Finnick gently pushed me on I could feel it all slowly slipping away. It was like the sickness was returning to me, like it was being replaced with a stronger version each time I got closer to the fight. Although it was impossible, I felt like I was losing myself all over again.

"Finnick? Lorna? Are you with us?" I heard Katniss call as we took another step towards her group. I didn't know most of the people around her and Gale, apart from Remy who immediately placed his arm around my shoulder when I saw him. As he did, it was like electricity pulsed through my body again- as if it was the first day I had been caught.

The reminder was so stark against everyone else's hard faces. I didn't jump, just like how I didn't when it happened the first time, but I knew I felt it. I knew it was real, and it seemed like it was taunting me.

Looks like it." Finnick smiled at the Girl On Fire as he twirled his trident in his hands expertly.

He had been given it only just a moment after landing from Beetee, who hadn't wanted to talk to me alone since I had come back from the Capitol. I had been told he had things for me too, but I didn't want weapons just yet. Instead I looked out of place amougst the many many warriors that Boggs had collected; my well done hair and normal District Thirteen clothes made me look like a civilian that had found her way with celebrities.

Still, I imagined the frown etched into my face made me look at least a little like I belonged.

"That was a short honeymoon." Katniss grinned.

She made sure to pull me into a hug when I got close enough to reach her, one that was so tight that it took all of the air out of my lungs. I smiled into her shoulder for a second before letting Finnick greet his friend on his own, who somehow made the tough girl look almost normal with his large arms.

"Are you ok sis?"

Remy looked at me as if I had already broken under the heat of the task we had. I hated the look he gave me, even if it also made me aware of the worry that I thought was masked to these people.

"I'd be better if I had some weapons." I commented, even if the thought of holding them again made me sick.

"Gather 'round." Boggs called. As he did most of the group that I hadn't seen straightened up like soldiers, who I now realised contained at least two people I had seen walking around the compound. Even thought I was there, Remy still went to stand between a hazy looking girl and Gale. Instead of him, Finnick took my hand as I went to join some kind of inner circle.

"Squad 451, you are my unit; Lieutenant Jackson is my second-in-command. Each one of you is elite in some form of combat, but we are a non-lethal combat unit, so we will be following days behind the front-line troops."

It didn't exactly feel ready to fight. I knew that, and I also knew that when I killed that first new life I wouldn't be able to stop the rage and the guilt that would seap through me as I killed again, and again, but that didn't mean sitting out felt right either. It was Katniss and me that caused the fight, which meant that it would be wrong if we didn't at least try.

"So we're supposed to let others die for us, again?" I asked Boggs after I was sure that my worry had been well hidden. Instead my lips were in there usual line of defence, and my blue eyes grew cold to accompany the snow that fell from my many braids of hair.

"You are one of the faces of the rebellion Mrs Odair, which means that all deaths are for you. You are the onscreen faces of the invasion, the Star Squad. It's been decided that you're most effective when seen by the masses." Boggs spoke only to me, but the message was for Katniss as he saw her furrow her eyebrows due to the plan.

"So we're not gonna fight?"

"You'll do whatever you're ordered to do soldier. It's not your job to ask questions."

"But it is mine." I insisted. Gale was angry, I could see it as he deflated with his orders. He had to follow Boggs' rules, but I hadn't, even if it was in my interest to follow what the man said.

"It was decided that you weren't stable enough to fight straight away, which only aids our work to inspire surrenders by filming propaganda on the battle-scarred streets."

I could see the others in this team of there's look at me to gage my reaction. Finnick never let my hand go, instead he held it tighter as I tried to find the words that would convince them that I was fine, while also convincing myself. I could hear the screams in the distance now that I was really listening, and with it Johanna and Peeta's screams seemed to be merged with them.

"Even though we'll be working on abandoned streets miles behind the front lines, I guarantee you, wherever they put us, it will not be safe. This is a warzone, it is likely that we will encounter both active pods and peacekeepers. You're considered high-value targets to the Capitol. In the event of capture, you'll be given a nightlock pill, a poison that acts immediately. Lieutenant Jackson, do the honours."

It seemed like the past was repeating itself in my ears. I could here the team's words, and I could see the black box filled with deadly poison that was placed in my hands by a woman I had never met- a woman who gave one to my husband too- but all I could see and hear was history. I could see the nighlock poison they put in the water in the Capitol sometimes to scare us, and I could heard Remy's sacrifice all over again within the stone floor below us.

I had seen so many people sacrifice themself for me, and it was happening again.

"I've already briefed you on the pods,. I remind you, they are on every block; our units have been given a holo-" The man paused the show the object before placing it back on the table they had made from an old crate. "- a database that contains a detailed map of the Capitol and a list of every known pod. These pods can trigger anything from bombs to traps to mutts."

"We cannot move without this device. There's no guarantee that out database is complete, there could be new pods that were not aware of. Because we don't want the Gamemakers to know we have this intel it has a self-destruct device on it. If you flip the switch, say "nightlock" three times and it blows itself and anything within a 10-foot-radius. Stay within our unit, even with the holo it is likely that new pods have been set. Whatever they contain, they are meant to kill you."

Boggs' speech was long, but the worry in his voice made it seem like he had recited an entire play in just minutes from his own memory. There was so many ways to die, so many ways to be killed; it suddenly became a lot harder for me to try and ignore the fact that death could be closer to Finnick and I than I first thought. It was so easy to make one mistake, one fatal move that would take him away from me.

I couldn't live with that, I wouldn't be able to cope.

"Ladies and gentlemen....." Finnick commented as he placed one arm around my shoulder, and the other on his weapon. "... welcome to the seventy-sixth Hunger Games."

"May the odds be ever in our favour." Remy muttered in agreement, just as the solemn silence took all of our breaths away.

Death was hard to ignore, and even harder to hide from in wars like this one. I knew it was, it had been haunting me for my entire life like I was just a dog that was trying to escape its lead. This, however, was the first time that it made me want to truly run and hide; this time I had found out that I still had things to lose. Unlike last time, I had things that I wanted to live for, and things that could be taken away.

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IM SORRY IT'S LONG AND NOT EDITED BUT I WANTED TO RELEASE SOMETHING FOR YOU ALL.