A N D R E A

It had been a few weeks since we'd come back home. It was the same penthouse Lorenzo and I lived in before, except one of the rooms had been redecorated for the twins, and the rest of the place had been childproofed. I couldn't say I was unhappy about that because despite what had happened in this place, I also loved this penthouse. The only thing that bothered me was that Lorenzo and I had fallen into some sort of routine. He would avoid me, and while all of his clothes and things were still in my room, he never slept there. At least not when I was awake.

He wasn't an absent father though, he helped me feed the twins in the morning, which was becoming a challenge to do on my own now that they had started eating soft foods. Tori liked to make a mess of things, and it was a miracle if there wasn't food flying around when feeding her, Rick was an angel, and gave me little to no trouble most of the time. Lorenzo had learned the hard way that he couldn't feed Tori after getting dressed for the day since she would either spit it back out on him or simply throw it on him, so now he took his shower after breakfast, but it was hardly the time to make conversation when you were feeding your children.

I also hadn't been able to sleep a full night since being back, and it wasn't for the lack of trying on my part, or the twins' fault since they only woke up once during the night now. One nightmare or the other always woke me up, covered in sweat and barely able to breathe. I'd gotten good at hiding it from Lorenzo, but it wasn't hard to hide my nightmares from my husband when he barely looked at me most days and chose to sleep in the guest room. He was just too good at acting like I didn't exist, and that he adored me when his family was around. A nightmare was why I was standing on the balcony of our room, my arms wrapped around myself since the wind was picking up, pushing my hair in my face.

It was impossible not to feel lonely, especially on nights like these when all I wanted was just someone who'd hug me. I shivered as the wind picked up, and staring at the glittering reflection of the buildings in the Hudson began to hurt my eyes. However, it wasn't the bite of cold wind against my skin that had me rushing inside, but the muffled cries coming from the baby monitor. I pulled my hair up into a bun, and rushed back inside, closing the glass door behind me as the warmth inside the room embraced me, yet not quite reaching my heart.

Riccardo was fussy, even after being fed, and I couldn't put Tori to sleep if he started crying anytime I even lowered him to his crib. I sighed, knowing I would have to get Lorenzo.

It wasn't like I didn't know where he was right now, it was just that I hadn't asked him for help with the twins at night before this. But now I knew he wasn't asleep, he was probably in the gym on the floor below us, so even though I'd have to hold both Tori and Riccardo, it wouldn't be a long way.

Shifting Riccardo to my hip, I picked up Tori on my other hip and walked out of their room towards the elevator. Standing in front of the elevator, I realized I hadn't thought it over as well as I should've. Both of my hands were busy holding the babies, so I went as close to the buttons as I could, and turned to the side, brushing my elbow against it, nearly sagging in relief when the doors slid open and I stepped inside. I pressed the button for the floor the same way, thankful I didn't have to enter the code since it was a private elevator, and waited.

So far both Riccardo and Tori had been good inside an elevator, but since he was already in a mood today, he started crying the moment we started moving down, and his cries made Tori start wailing too. My heart dropped inside my stomach and I could feel sweat rolling down my spine. It was impossible to calm them down, and they wouldn't stop, not even when the elevator stopped and I stepped out. Lorenzo probably heard their wailing because he was already walking towards us, his t-shirt in his hand.

"What happened?" He stretched out his hands for me and I passed Riccardo to him, holding Tori close to my chest since she still had to be fed.

"I don't know, he's fussy and won't go to sleep and I can't feed Tori if I can't put him down. I—"

I was certain I looked on the verge of tears myself, "It's okay, I'll take care of him." He said, turning his attention to Riccardo, who had stopped crying and was eyeing the tattoo on Lorenzo's chest curiously, babbling as he struggled in his arms to reach the ink.

I suppose that was something.

I shifted Tori in my arms, calming her down, but she wouldn't settle and I knew it was because she was hungry.

"Let's go back up," Lorenzo placed his free hand on my lower back and led us back towards the elevator, "Next time, just call me."

"I wasn't sure you'd pick up," I whispered, facing away from him.

"I told you before if it concerns Riccardo and Tori, call me." Lorenzo sighed, catching Riccardo's nose between his fingers, and making him screech with laughter.

I didn't miss how he hadn't included me in that list, and I had to admit, it stung a little. I was probably an awful mother for being a little jealous of my children for getting all of his adoration, but I suppose I brought this on myself.

Lorenzo settled on the couch in the living room with Riccardo on his chest, facing the floor-to-ceiling windows. He had kept the lights low, and I assumed it was because the light from outside was enough, and more than that would have made it impossible for Riccardo to sleep. Even though he had been playful, I knew tiredness would eventually catch up with him. And Lorenzo knew that because he hadn't picked up one of Riccardo's picture books, and was talking to him softly instead, holding his hands as Riccardo tried standing up on his chest.

"I'll take her to their room," I mumbled and damn near ran to Tori's room, ready to feed her and put her to bed.

"Let's get you your food." I caressed her cheek with my finger before sitting down on the chair, and lowering my top, exposing my nipple for her to latch on.

*

It was impossible to ignore the sound of laughing and screeching when I opened my eyes, and I pulled my silk nightgown over my shoulder, tying the knot as I rushed downstairs, stopping in my tracks when I found Lorenzo—shirtless might I add—feeding Riccardo and Tori, who were already sitting in their highchairs. Their faces were green from what I would think was avocado puree. The scene was comical, and I knew it was probably because Lorenzo had let them try to eat on their own before they made a mess and he had to take over.

Vittoria made grabby hands and Lorenzo pulled back at the last minute, "No, tesoro, I think you've done enough damage." He gave her that one-dimpled smile and brought a spoon closer to Riccardo's mouth, who took it eagerly, and without any protest. "Tori looks like you need to learn something from the principe here," Riccardo babbled when Lorenzo touched his nose with his finger, and then turned his focus towards Tori.

He took her flailing arms between his hand and brought the spoon to her mouth with his other hand. I should have gone out and helped him, but I was having too much fun watching him this unguarded, even if it was from the outside looking in. Vittoria protested by pressing her lips together, moving her head to the side, only opening them for him to feed her when he cajoled her, bargaining the number of spoons with a seven-month-old. He even bribed her with tummy time, which for her basically meant she could crawl around the playpen.

Unable to stop myself, I laughed at his bribe offer, and the moment I did his eyes snapped towards me, the ice in them swallowing all the warmth in the room like a blizzard taking out any greens. I could've sworn I felt it kiss my skin.

"How long have you been there?" Tori screeched in delight, and Lorenzo and I both looked at his chest where she had managed to leave two most adorable green hand-prints. I laughed again, but this time, he kept his eyes on Tori, his eyelashes draping shadows over his cheekbones.

"You're a smart one, aren't you?" He leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss against his forehead.

I shrunk against the wall when he faced me again, "If you're done spying on me, feel free to help out here,"

"I wasn't—" He narrowed his eyes, and I closed my mouth, dropping my head as I walked towards the counter, and took Riccardo's from it.

*

Lorenzo had gone to take a shower after putting Riccardo and Tori in their playpen, and I was left to clean up in the kitchen and keep an eye on the twins like I normally did. Except today when he came down in another one of his crisp black suits and woodsy scent that damn near drove me crazy, he stopped me from taking a shower myself.

"We need to talk." He placed his mug in the coffee maker, waiting for it to fill with his coffee, and leaned against the counter, his eyes on me.

"Can I shower first?"

"It's better if we discuss this before you do."

"Okay...?" I was starting to get nervous, unsure of what he had to talk to me about.

Had he finally decided that keeping his family happy wasn't worth living with me? Was he done with our farce of marriage already? My eyes went to the white gold band on his ring finger, and he followed my gaze, scoffing at the realization.

"What?" I snapped at him, the emotional debt of so many days finally catching up with me.

He shook his head, "It's ironic how you care about this marriage when you quite literally set yourself up to be a widow."

"That's not fair, Lorenzo."

"Save your tears for someone they'll work on, Andrea." His words cut me worse than knives and my fingers went to my under-eyes, surprised to find them wet. Lorenzo sighed, "That's not what I wanted to talk about."

"Are you finally going to talk about how you weren't a good husband?" My voice had risen, and when my own words registered inside my head, I realized what a colossal mistake I'd just made.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Lorenzo threw his head back and laughed, really laughed, like what I was saying was nothing more than a joke to him. "I suppose getting fucked every night, not having a cheating bastard of a husband, and having a roof over your head wasn't enough?"

"There's other things in a marriage, Lorenzo."

"Don't act like you expected basic decency from me when you married me. You knew I don't love you."

He said the word love like it was a curse, and if I wasn't holding onto the counter, I was certain my legs would've given in. Though I suppose it was my naïveté that I fell for him against my better judgment. It was no one's fault but my own for wanting more from him.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, and I knew he did that in frustration. I suppose he had better things to do than talk to me, "Alessandro will be coming to live with us."

"What?!" The words were out of my mouth before I had the chance to steal my reaction. I was grateful that we were standing away from the twins, otherwise, my repeated outbursts would have had both of them crying.

"We need the extra security,"

"Do you not trust me at all?"

He placed his mug on the counter, "It isn't about you. Murphy is on the move."

"Does he know this whole marriage is a fucking lie?" I wiped at my tears, hating myself for being an angry crier.

But it was hard not to purge my emotions the only way I knew how when everything else was spiraling out of control.

Lorenzo walked towards me, stopping when his Oxfords touched my toes. He curled his fingers under my jaw and forced me to look at him, but didn't he know that he was the sun, it was impossible to look at him and not be blinded.

"If this was a fake marriage, you wouldn't be standing in my fucking penthouse, screaming at me, and still be alive." His voice was so low, that it had the hair at the back of my neck rising.

"I wasn't screaming." He arched his brow at my words, a smirk tugging the corner of his lips up.

"Lying again, Andrea?" His grip on my jaw tightened, not hard enough to be painful, but enough for me to know he was serious, "and I told you no one knows."

"How will you explain sleeping in a different room then?" I whispered back, my heart hammering inside my chest at his closeness.

"I won't." He whispered back, his breath ghosting over my lips, "my stuff is already there, and I'll sleep with you."

My throat closed up at the realization that he would be within touching distance, right at the tip of my fingers, the ghost of his body embracing mine, and yet it would be almost like he was oceans apart. I wanted to run, but the mere thought had my thoughts spiraling into uncharted territory and I didn't like that one bit.

"He'll know we're pretending. You can barely stand me."

Lorenzo dropped his head so his lips were almost hovering above mine, and I wished I had the courage to just tilt my head and press my lips against his.

"I would say I'm sorry for interrupting but this is now common space." Alessandro's voice was the cold water doused on my head and I shrunk away from Lorenzo, who was having none of it and pulled me back to his chest before smirking at me.

Point taken.

I narrowed my eyes at him, promising myself that he would lose this game. I would accept any defeat against him, but not this one.

"Hi, Alessandro." I smiled at him and he nodded before patting Lorenzo on the back.

It was only then that I noticed a duffel bag on the floor. Lorenzo told me minutes before Alessandro would be coming here. That bastard.

"Milan will be here soon so you should have more company," Lorenzo told Alessandro before squeezing my waist in warning, and I suppressed the childish urge to elbow him in the ribs.

"Mia cara," Lorenzo brushed a loose strand of hair away from my face, "If you want to go out, take Milan."

He was so good at pretending, I was afraid even I would believe him if I didn't know his soft touches came with a familiar taste of poison that suffocated me when he pulled back. And he did pull back, every single time.

I nodded and told him I was going to shower, smiling at Alessandro, and went back to my room, knowing there was no way my heart was safe from my husband.

It wasn't that I was scared to fall in love with him, it was already too late for that. It was just my stupid heart wanted to believe his charade. And that thought was far too perilous for my emotional well-being. I was longing for anything from him and I knew it was way worse than desire.

To put it simply, I was fucked.

* * * 

Aaaand? What do you think?

Any theories? 

For the old readers, I really hope you're enjoying this version because I am having way too much fun being inside their heads!

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