CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE !

[ real life, imessage ]

- ❝ GOING CRAZY ❞ 💌

ʳᵉᵃˡ ˡⁱᶠᵉ !

astoria has been in brazil for just over a week now, and it's safe to say that she's going crazy.

she wishes she could say it's just because of her family constantly being around, her grandparents often reminding her of how tall she's gotten, or the stress of preparing for christmas.

it's christmas eve today, which is technically actual christmas for astoria because that's when it's celebrated in brazil. she actually prefers it that way, since she's never been a morning person and the thought of opening presents and having to be social right after she wakes up sounds like torture. the giddy feeling of excitement she has all the way until the evening used to annoy her as kid, but now she kind of loves it.

it's about six-thirty, not long before the sun is due to set. astoria's family usually eat and open gifts pretty early, so that they all have some time to enjoy the last moments of daylight at the beach. luckily, the santos house is right on the sand, so astoria and her brother can go swimming whenever they feel like it.

up until now, christmas has been more than enjoyable. now though, she is in fact going crazy.

she sits on her bed, and the poorly wrapped present from chris seems to stare at her as she tries her best to ignore it. while mason brought down some gifts from his friends to open in front of family, astoria purposely left chris' gift hidden under her bed because the thought of opening something from him in front of her mom and brother especially, who are very much aware of her hatred for the boy, made her feel violently ill.

she still feels a bit sick as she reaches for the gift, pulling it towards her. she goes to open it, but stops as she recalls the last time she saw chris. he'd been so annoying and smug and as much of a stupid shit as he always it, but she'd kissed him anyway.

astoria still doesn't know why she did that. it's not like she likes him or anything, god no. it was just all so fast and in the moment and...and maybe she had wanted to. just maybe.

she's ridiculously embarrassed by the fact that she literally kissed chris sturniolo because ew? it's chris? though she must admit that it's quite relieving knowing that it wasn't just her. he kissed her too.

in fact, he was actually the one who initiated it, for some godforsaken reason. he only just broke up with harper, so the whole thing is a little weird. maybe astoria was just a rebound or something.

the thought hurts more than she would ever be willing to admit, so astoria blocks the thoughts of him out of her mind and starts tearing the wrapping paper off of the present. it's surprisingly large, and seems like a big rectangular cardboard box.

she doesn't even have to peel off half of the paper to figure out what it is. astoria's jaw drops as she hastily rips off the rest, leaving her staring at the box in front of her.

it's the lego flowers.

the lego flowers she mentioned once in the group chat what seems like ages ago, when chris wasn't even active. yeah, she's wanted these for months but has never really wanted to spend like 65 dollars on them.

what the fuck.

astoria looks at the box, shaking it and sighing as she hears the familiar clinking of lego bricks against one another. it's real, it's not a prank, and she doesn't know how to feel about it.

she can't help the memory that suddenly enters her mind as she continues to stare at the gift.

"why doesn't my part look right?"

"because you're reading the instructions upside down."

12-year-old chris gasps as he notices that astoria is right, and turns the instruction booklet the right way up. "that makes much more sense," he says, beginning to pull apart the lego pieces.

"hey, now i can't see!" she complains, turning it back around, but chris quickly grabs the booklet and stops her.

"you're much better at building legos that i am," he admits, even if it causes his ego to deflate a little. "i need them the right way."

astoria shrugs, shuffling closer to him. "i'll just sit next to you," she says. "i hope you showered today." chris grimaces.

"i did last night, so i should be okay," he laughs, and astoria pretends to sniff, before nodding in agreement. "you're good," she says jokingly.

the two of them are building a lego set for her 9-year-old brother, mason, who got like ten boxes of the stuff for his birthday last week. the kid's always been obsessed with playing with legos, but not so much with the building of them. though his sister is the opposite, she likes to build the legos, but has no interest whatsoever in playing with them.

the santos siblings are a good team. astoria builds, mason plays.

though today he's ordered her to build like six huge sets, so astoria invited chris over to help her with it. as he pulls apart his pathetic police car, chris bets she wishes she invited matt instead.

but she doesn't seem to mind that he's starting again, or that she has to sit closer next to him for them to both be able to read the instructions. he lets his gaze quickly trail over her as she glances back and forth from the plastic bricks in her hands to the booklet in front of her, making sure she's done it correctly. unsurprisingly, she has. she's practically a professional at this now.

chris sets down all of the pieces in front of him, ready to start the car from scratch. he brushes his hair out of his face, before turning to his friend. "can you believe we're about to start middle school?" he asks.

"no," she replies simply. "it's kinda crazy, honestly."

"for real," he says, attaching another piece of lego onto the half-built car. "i hope it's not that hard. i'm not that good at school."

"yeah you are," astoria contradicts. "we'll be fine. we've got matt, nick, kali, and each other. a little bit of spanish homework isn't gonna kill us."

"spanish is easy for you though," chris argues. "since you speak brazilian or whatever." astoria rolls her eyes.

"i speak portuguese, actually, which is very different!" she says, and chris scoffs, not at all convinced. "but let's not talk about school. ew."

chris nods in agreement, before a grin takes over his face. "i'm so freaking excited for the trip. i love theme parks."

"me too!" she exclaims, looking up at him with wide eyes. "i can't believe we get to stay there for four whole days."

chris' grin grows. "you better not back out of any rides," he tells her, and astoria shakes her head.

"maybe i should be telling YOU that," she retorts. "you're the wuss here."

"i am not!" he gasps, actually a little offended that she thinks that.

"you literally almost started crying when you stepped on a lego earlier," she chuckles. he rolls his eyes.

"yeah, because that's freaking painful," he says like it's the most obvious thing in the world. astoria just shrugs.

"it's not when you're tough like me."

chris ignores her and focuses on finishing up his police car, which he's thankfully done right this time. astoria smiles at him, nudging his elbow lightly as if to tell him that she's joking. he nods, signifying that he understands, and they go back to building quietly, saying a few words here and there but mostly just enjoying each other's presence. it's a comforting quiet.

as soon as astoria realizes she's smiling, she instantly turns her face into a frown. this frown stays as she pushes the lego box away from her, reaching for her phone to text chris. luckily for her, he's already active.

ⁱᵐᵉˢˢᵃᵍᵉ !

rory👎 ; astoria
christopher👹 ; chris

rory👎
hi...

christopher👹
hey...?

rory👎
merry christmas

christopher👹
merry christmas?

rory👎
you're crazy btw
like psych ward level crazy

christopher👹
woah what

rory👎
the lego flowers???
are you insane?

christopher👹
no?

rory👎
why'd you get them for me?

christopher👹
you wanted them
so why wouldn't i?

rory👎
because
well
yk

christopher👹
yeah well
uhhhh

rory👎
???
chris...
ummmm
okay well!
delivered.

ʳᵉᵃˡ ˡⁱᶠᵉ !

rolling her eyes, astoria puts her phone down and gets up from her bed. she peers out of her window and smiles as she sees the sun beginning to set, her bad mood suddenly disappearing. chris getting on her nerves is a normal thing that she should be used to now, but for obvious reasons, he's affecting her more than usual lately. now though, she just wants to forget about him.

making her way out of her room and down onto the terrace, she finds mason on one of the egg chairs outside doing math homework. he, not surprisingly, looks miserable as he furrows his eyebrows, squinting at the textbook.

"mas!" astoria calls, stepping out onto the porch. a slight frown takes over her face when she feels sand on her bare feet, meaning her brother has forgotten to clear the sand off of the porch for like the fifteenth time in the past ten days.

her brother looks up at her and immediately grins, probably because it gives him an excuse to stop doing his homework. "hey, ria," he says.

astoria looks past mason and to the beach ahead. "let's go swimming," she decides, and mason nods, instantly pulling off his shirt and kicking off his flip flops. "wait, i'm not even wearing my fucking swimsuit yet," she says, causing him to sigh and roll his eyes.

"hurry the fuck up," he says, and astoria flips him off before going back inside and quickly changing. once she's done, she runs back downstairs and finds mason tapping his foot waiting for her at the edge of the porch. sighing at her brother's impatience, she takes off into a sprint, running past him towards the ocean. as she reaches the shore, she stops, letting the warm water slide over her feet and ankles, smiling as she looks out to the sunset on the horizon.

but a frown takes over her lips as she remembers her last time here. as mason sprints past her and runs into the ocean, diving headfirst once it's deep enough, astoria can't help but see the ghost of her dad next to him, mirroring her brother's actions. back in boston, it's easier to forget about him, to pretend he never existed, but here in brazil...in brazil he's everywhere.

it's been difficult, to say the least.

grandparents, cousin, aunts and uncles have all been nothing but a constant reminder of everything she's lost, and how different things are now. she'd thought being in brazil would bring her closer to accepting the past, but she feels like she's right back at the beginning. her expression turns even more glum as she remembers her last conversation with mrs cooper.

she looks up at mason, who's swimming out into the waves, probably not even realizing that she's barely even ankle deep in the ocean yet. he still visits the counselor, she thinks.

why don't you?

the voice fills her head suddenly, but it's not her own. it's one that's all too familiar...her father. she bites her lip, blinking back tears, now wading further into the ocean, blocking out his voice as the question circles around her mind. once it's deep enough, she dives in, letting the cool water cover her, blocking her ears and drowning out all of the voices in her head. and although she purposely blocked it out, it's too quiet underwater. the sudden disappearance of her father's voice is a deafening silence that booms in her ears. it's too much.

astoria emerges from the water, her eyes stinging, though she's not sure whether it's from the saltwater or from tears. mason calls out to her, grinning from ear to ear, and somehow the sight makes her even sadder. she wishes she could just accept that her dad is gone, and move on. it's what he would want.

she frowns, realizing it's the first time she's ever really acknowledged it to herself. as she stands there, the waves flowing mindlessly around her, the warm breeze kissing her skin, astoria actually feels okay. not happy, still not entirely accepting it, but she's okay. okay is better than living in a constant state of miserable denial, so she's alright.

and okay will do for now, she decides, swimming off to join her brother as the sun sets further beyond the horizon.

falling is almost at 90k this is actually insane i'm so grateful

━ ava ᥫ᭡