(Name), running away: NO, NO, NO-

Eros, aggressively chasing her: come heRE PRETTY GIRL-

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

Eros, singing: I can show you the world~

(Name): I don't wanna see it

Eros: Okay~

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

(Name) in Chapters 1-12: Omg Eros you're so amazing, I love you so much

(Name) in Chapters 13-19: Eros you're a crazy ass yandere bitch with hella breeding kink, calm the fuck down

(Name) in Chapter 20: Oh fuck-

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

(Name): Bring the beat in!

Eros: ANYTHING FOR YOU BEYONCE!

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

Eric: Is there anything better than pussy?

Eric: yeah, a really good book

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

if Eros and Eric met:

Eros: *pours water on Eric's face*

Eric, waking up: hello?

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

Leela and the cat every time (Name) goes to the Other World: Why. Why. WHY?! WHY!?

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

(Name), describing Eric's cheating: And they were roommates!

Eros, ready to commit a war crime: Oh my god they were roommates

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

*Eric and Eros fighting*

(Name): Can I get a waffle? Can I please get a waffle?!

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

Mrs Spink: hOw dO yOu KnOw WhAtS gOoD fOr mE?!

Mrs Forcible: That's MY OPINION

(Name), who just wanted tea: ...

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

Eric: This is my wife, (Name)

Eric: And this is (Name)'s other husband, Eros

Eros: he's the other husband actually

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

Eric: It's time for bed

Eros, holding the doll of (Name) up: Mr Snuffles says I can stay up as long as I want and that you need to DIE

Eric, terrified: What the heck, Mr Snuffles

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

Eros: Not to worry, I have a permit

Eric: This just says "(Name) is my wife now and you're a little bitch"

Eros: Exactly

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

Eric: You know that stuff can kill you, right?

Wybie, smoking a cigarette: We know

Eros, drinking alcohol: We're just speeding things up

(Name), eating raw cookie dough: Sweet death

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

Eric: I am not fucking drunk

(Name): Can you tell the time?

Eric: Yes *turns to clock* I am not fucking drunk!

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

Eros: You're my wife now and you have to stay here forever-

(Name): Hold on, lemme just check with Eric

Eros: That's not an option-

(Name): Yeah he said sure

Eros: *dies in button-eyed man*

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

Eric: There's seven chairs but ten kids, what do you do?

(Name): Get three more chairs

Eros: Kill three of the kids

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

(Name): There is nothing more threatening to a man than a woman who is smart and attractive

(Name): We have to pretend to be both sometimes

Leela: Wow! That is my mother right there everyone!

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

The Readers, watching (Name) and Eros: I want them to kiss

The Readers: I am still rooting for this innocent, British baby and this yandere button man to kiss

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

(Name): Things have been crazy

(Name): Eric fucking cheated on me after I had a miscarriage. With Charlotte. My bestie.

(Name): And then I met this hot man with button eyes, but turns out he's a massive yandere

(Name): And said button-eyed man wants to keep me in his world forever and sew buttons into my eyes

(Name): Oh yeah, and I almost died a bunch of times and I told Eric I want a divorce, that's progress, right?

(Name)'s Therapist, aka moi: *taking concerned notes*

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

(Name): Are you crazy?!

Eros: Legally, no. That's not the word for my condition

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

Charlotte: Okay, what did you guys get for number twelve?

Eros: I got eighteen

Eric: I got 9.5

(Name): I got Abraham Lincoln...for some reason...

Eros: Omg you're so smart *aggressive forehead kiss*

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

(Name): Okay, guys let's play a game: two truths and a lie

Eros: I'll go first, my darling~. My eyes are green, I live in a parallel world behind the little door in the living room and I fucked your wife one time.

Eric, laughing: C'mon, Eros! You gotta at least make them hard.

(Name): His eyes are buttons.

Eric: You did WHAT?!

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

(Name) in Chapter 18: *pokes Other Charlotte's corpse* Miss Keisha? Miss Keisha?

(Name): Oh my fucking god she fucking dead

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

(Name), after dealing with the most traumatic experiences of her life: Two shots of vodka

Also (Name): *proceeds to pour entire bottle*

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

(Name): *holding the cat* YOU READY TO FUCKING DIE?!

Eros: NAH! I'M A BAD BITCH YOU CAN'T KILL ME!

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

Wybie: Hey I'm lesbian

(Name): I thought you were American

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

(Name): You stupid!

Eric: No I'm not

(Name): What's 9+10?

Eric: 21

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

(Name): I could strangle you

Eric: You're too short

(Name): You've sunk low enough for me to

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

(Name): I want to see my little girl!

Eros, reluctantly holding Leela like Simba in The Lion King: Here she comes!

(Name): I WANT TO SEE MY LITTLE GIRL!

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━