Txxhyungg_

-Reviewer Abi-

𝙱𝚘𝚘𝚔 𝙲𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛: 5/10

The cover is pastel and cutesy which indeed matches the personality of the boyfriend, so with relation to the character's personality it is fine. My only dislike is the fact that you have only focused on highlighting the cutesy elements of that specific character in the cover, when the plot primarily focuses on the guilt of Hayoon for being a part of a one-sided relationship. Instead the cover seems to depict a random lovey-dovey couple.

My suggestion would be to use a more neutral-themed cover that shows a sense of longing— of unrequited love— because like I said, the cutesy personality of the old love interest is not the main theme of the story.

𝚃𝚒𝚝𝚕𝚎: 4/10

The definition of 'ostensible' is: "stated or appearing to be true, but not necessarily so."

I understand your use of this word was meant to highlight the "twist" in your story, and yes it's intriguing because it's an uncommon word, but it does not tell the reader anything about the theme of your story. All it implies is that something in your story is not what it seems, which is misleading because it makes your book seem like a mystery-genre. It does not give the reader any hint of the genre of your story, what the characters are like, or the main plot.

Your storyline follows Hayoon as she grapples with her guilt of having feelings for another man while still being in a relationship; THAT is what you should capitalize. I suggest changing the title to something that represents the guilt of the lead character.

𝙳𝚎𝚜𝚌𝚛𝚒𝚙𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗: 5/15

The description, I feel, at many places could have been made more concise and written with a nice flow, not to mention the error that carried throughout the entire book of not properly capitalizing, but the biggest downside is that it reveals too much of the plot.

With such a short novel you want to give them just a little snippet, like a whiff of the feast you're about to serve, so that they'll be enticed to read more. If you blurt out the entire plot people won't feel any excitement to learn more. I suggest making it much more vague; it's important not to reveal all your cards at once you know?

𝚂𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚢𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚎: 9/20

To be honest there was nothing special or unique about this storyline. The only element that kept me intrigued while reading was the title that clearly suggested a huge twist at the end (which turned out to be that Mr. Kim was not Taehyung - aka the face claim of the story). I can appreciate the effort there because yes, it was a twist and it was intriguing, but the rest of the story has no exciting elements to support that clever idea of yours.

I do love the idea of the twist, so I highly suggest keeping the idea but rewriting your story to have more foreshadowing of the twist, more exciting interactions, and most of all some sly hints that really make the reader think that Mr. Kim is Taehyung— that way, they'll be all the more surprised in the end and it will have a much bigger impact.

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜: 4/10

Aside from the relatable guilt of the female lead, and the unending devotion of the boyfriend, the characters lacked defining characteristics. For example: Mr. Kim— who Hayoon had fallen for despite having a boyfriend, even she admits is "perfect"— has absolutely no personality. He never does or says anything that shows his personality yet he managed to steal her heart? The other weird thing was that the few things he did say seemed very childish and unrealistic, but I'll delve into that more in the next criteria.

To correct the lackluster appeal of the characters you simply need to add more information about them. How did Mr. Kim act in a way that was different from her current boyfriend? What specific things happened between them to make them fall for each other? How did the female lead character act towards her boyfriend before she fell out of love?

𝙳𝚒𝚊𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚞𝚎 𝙳𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢: 3 /15

This area is extremely important to me. Why? Because in such a short story the little dialogue that your characters say matters A LOT. The dialogue needs some reworking to say the least.

The biggest and most unappealing element of the dialogue was the childish feel of it. For example: Mr. Kim and Hayoon supposedly never did anything that would qualify as cheating, they just slowly developed unspoken feelings for each other, yet as soon as they meet up he tells Hayoon that he's in love with her? And she supposedly loves him too? It's too sudden and doesn't feel realistic. This sort of awkward vibe is repeated many times throughout the dialogue scenes, unfortunately.

To fix this I suggest rewriting the dialogue and carefully reading your scenes out loud as if you were acting. Try to envision if that would happen in real life. Does it feel realistic? What feelings would you feel if those things were being said to or around you?

𝙶𝚛𝚊𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚅𝚘𝚌𝚊𝚋𝚞𝚕𝚊𝚛𝚢: 8 /20

The biggest mistakes were: not capitalizing (the entire story was lower-case except for about three words), commas were frequently misused, and many adjectives and verbs were plainly just grammatically incorrect and didn't make sense to read, and last but not least there was very little profound vocabulary. I know that you can't develop a perfect understanding of grammar overnight, but you really have to fix this.

Bad grammar and hard-to-understand sentences just make the reader frustrated and not able to get through your story. There are several ways you could fix this. One, download Grammarly. It's an excellent, free app that not only corrects grammar and spelling mistakes, but also gives you tips on how to sound more concise (that helps with the sentences that seem confusing and hard to understand.)

Two, ask a friend to read your chapters before you publish! Often we write so quickly that we don't notice the areas that don't make sense, but a trustworthy, outside perspective can help you identify the areas that need fixing.

Three, whenever you feel like it doesn't sound good enough, go to a dictionary app, look up the word you have written already, and go to synonyms. There you will be able to find a cooler, more uncommon word that means the same thing. The easiest way to do this is to download Dictionary.com and use the thesaurus.

𝕋𝕠𝕥𝕒𝕝: 38/100

𝑆𝑡𝑟𝑒𝑛𝑔𝑡ℎ𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑊𝑒𝑎𝑘𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑒𝑠:

Your strength is the accurate display of the situation. In real life, people sometimes fall out of love, but of course, their old feelings linger in the form of guilt, and you managed to depict that very well. Your weaknesses would be grammar, dialogue delivery, and lack of information on the characters and their backgrounds.

I think if you fixed all the errors, added more information, and created tenser situations (to really emphasize the guilt of the female lead), your story could be much better. You have a good idea with the twist, you just need to properly execute it. I sincerely hope my tips were helpful! 

borastories

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