allen_stories

- Reviewer  Katha -

BOOK COVER[3/10]:

The cover could've been better. The editing of the picture makes it look kinda chaotic and it does not exactly provide an idea about the story either.

When you're making a cover, a tip is to provide relevance to the story, just to give a brief idea to the reader about what type of story they are going to read.

The font used is not very catchy or attractive. Along with that, you should not have added the "WayV Fanfic", instead a subtitle would've been nice.

TITLE[4/5]:

The title is relevant enough and is also catchy, especially since it's from a second person's aspect.

BLURB[7/10]:

The blurb is short and precise. A dialogue quote is very much appreciated in a blurb. Grammatically, it's correct, but you could have made the sentence a bit simpler for ease of interception.

What you wrote: "I guess even though the feelings never change, the attraction just got deeper in a different way."

What would have made it sound better and easier: "Although the feelings never changed, the attraction got deeper in different ways."

I eliminated some unnecessary words and grammar, that's all, but tell me, doesn't this sound easier and more comprehensible? you could not always use complex sentence structures to make your blurb or story sound nice, you can write simple, but still be a great author. not everyone is J.K. Rowling, some are Enid Blytons too.

Otherwise, the blurb is really nice, with just the accurate amount of information provided to make readers curious.

PLOT AND TWISTS[9/25]:

I felt that the pace of the story was too rushed and not too detailed. There were some points, where you could've added a bit more feeling and descriptions, but you left it vague and rushed to the next incident.

In stories, adding incidents after incidents is not everything, you need to make the reader feel themselves being present at the spot, which you utterly lacked.

I have also spotted plot holes in the story, which are a major minus point. At some places, you have not provided information for the next scene to take place, which may lead to confusion among readers.

CHARACTERS AND EMOTIONS[3/10]:

The characters are not very well described. You see, it might be easy for some readers who know the characters since this is fanfiction, but for others who don't, such as me, it's not very sure as to how to imagine the said character.

I would not say, there wasn't any description at all, but those were very vague and not enough to create a vivid image in a reader's head.

Emotions were not very well portrayed. Some parts seemed very illogical and at some places, the emotions described and the characters' reaction was not very practical.

[SPOILER ALERT!] For example, when Xiali got to know that she was being stalked, her reaction was not something a normal person would have. All you said was that she was scared. You should put more focus on how the fear builds up, the symptoms that happen when you get scared. Also, in this case, she should be getting panicked as well, but you did not mention that.

I have only used one example but there are more that you would find if you read through it thoroughly.

WRITING STYLE[5/15]:

The writing style was simple with few descriptions and nothing unique about it. Another thing that irked me was the use of the present tense. You see, using present tense in a story is not very likable, honestly. Also, you have jumbled between present and past tense which creates confusion while reading.

GRAMMAR AND VOCAB[7/20]:

The grammar was not too bad, however, sentence construction and tense usage need to be looked at. You should either go for past tense throughout the story (which I would recommend) or stick to present tense.

About vocabulary, it's not very strong. I'm not asking you to put fancy words at every corner of the book, but some words could've been substituted instead to make the sentence or paragraph sound better.

Like: "It's for safety reasons." instead of 'safety reasons' you could have used 'precautions'. It's not too fancy a word, but it would make the sentence sound better.

Vocabulary points are not always based on how many toughly-spelt words you are using. It's about using the right word at the right place and in the correct context.

REVIEWER'S THOUGHTS[2/5]:

Frankly, I'm not a fan of WayV, so I had some trouble imagining the characters due to lack of well-portraits and at some point, I did feel that "that's not how it happens". Some parts didn't seem very practical or likely to happen in real life.

It might be fiction, but it's not fantasy, so you should keep it in mind to add reality to your fiction.

TOTAL: 41/100

WEAKNESS AND STRENGTH:

What seemed to be the weakness to me, was descriptive skills, writing style and tense usage.

You should provide more details and descriptions about characters, their actions, emotions and the scenes taking place in the story.

About your writing style, I'm not asking you to change it or anything because that's totally up to you and your decision but you should add something unique about it that would make readers go, "ah! The writing style is similar. This must be [author's name]'s book!" The writing style is more or less, the ultimate signature of a writer.

The tense, I've told you, is haphazard. You should stick to anyone and not jumble between many.

yoontaetive

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Regards,

THC