AELLA WAS A LIAR.

It was all she could think about. The longer she went without telling Finnick about the miscarriage the worse she was feeling. Those voices in her head were poisoning her every thought, her every feeling. She couldn't sleep at night for it. She was riddled with so much guilt and anxiety it was starting to consume her whole.

She wanted to tell Finnick, she really did, but she just hadn't found the opportunity to do so. Since he had woken up it had been one thing after another with the doctors and nurses constantly prodding and poking him. They were checking his injuries, taking blood, giving him blood... he was just exhausted all the time with barely any energy left at the end of the day to even speak.

What had happened had been a lot for him. Not to mention that they had actually won the war and were on their way to paving this new world and neither of them were there to help. Finnick didn't like that. He hated being stuck in bed hooked up to morphling, blood, antibiotics and fluids. He couldn't stand it.

Aella didn't want to burden him but she knew she'd have to tell him sooner rather than later.

A week after President Snow's rule had been overthrown—since they had been rescued from Tigris's basement—there they were moved into the Presidential Palace itself.

Aella had her reservations about it. She'd watched Cayenne and Flax die there. She'd done those two interviews there. Shot all those Peacekeepers.... But she didn't have to venture down that wing. The mansion was a big enough place for her to be able to avoid those places of nightmares.

So she swallowed her fear and plastered a smile on her face for Finnick's sake. She didn't want to worry him while he was recovering. It was his turn to be cared for and Aella was determined to give him that care he deserved.

The move was easier than Aella anticipated it to be and Finnick remained pain free for the most part. The odd little movement hurt and reminded him of his injuries but he was requiring less and less morphling every day.

When they arrived to the mansion Finnick and Aella were assigned a room—which was actually more like a suite—on the north wing. Finnick was settled in with his own nurses and Dr. Vann was on hand incase they ever needed her. It was nice to see him in an actual bed in a proper room and not the military tents that had been erected to deal with the wounded back at the base camp.

Clio and Daniel had been moved into the suite next door, Johanna was across the hall and Annie was next to her. It was almost just like it had been back in District Thirteen.

The sun shining in through the large window however was the difference. It was a difference Aella and Finnick welcomed with open arms. They laid together in bed, sheets wrapped around them loosely. Aella was curled into Finnick's side as he laid on his back and her head rested in the crook of his neck—the side that wasn't injured—and they laid together in the morning sun, drinking it all in.

The warm kiss on their skin felt like heaven despite the snow that was melting outside. Metaphoric, if you asked Aella, for they hadn't seen an inch of snow since Snow had been overthrown. Now it was melting away, taking his every rule and wrongdoing with it.

Finnick released a content sigh as he curled his arm around Aella even tighter. She curled entirely into him, legs intwining together and she traced her scarred fingers lightly over his pectoral. Scents of citrus fruit and ocean breeze mingled and danced with lavender and jasmine—just how it was supposed to be—and they laid like that for what felt like hours.

Aella nuzzled her head into his neck, inhaling deeply before she yawned tiredly and said, "I should get up...go do something."

"Yeah?" Finnick mused, "Like what?"

"Something," Aella shrugged, "anything."

"Why can't you just relax for a few days?" He asked her, "You deserve it."

"I know I just..." she sighed and she felt his hand running through her hair softly and down her back. It was comforting on so many levels and she relaxed into him, "I don't know. I feel like I should be doing something. There's so many people in need, so many Districts in disarray."

"Ella, we have plenty of time ahead of us to help the Districts. This is something that's going to take years, not months." He told her, "Just take this time to relax. Okay?"

"Okay." She replied after a brief pause, "Okay."

But Finnick knew her better. He didn't even need to see her face to know what she was thinking, "You're still going to find something to do aren't you?"

A soft groan escaped her lips and she buried her head into his neck. He wrapped his arm around her and held her, inhaling the fresh lavender and jasmine in her hair. He knew he'd give anything anyone ever asked of him just to be able to stay in bed with her for the rest of his life.

"I can't help it, Fin." She said to him, "I feel guilty lying here when there's so many people out there who need help."

"Ella, you'll have all the time in the world to help them." He replied, "But you went through something horrible and you're recovering. We're recovering."

After a moment she sighed, turning her head to rest it atop his chest. She met his soft sea-foam gaze and said, "You're right."

Finnick tried to hide the smile that was brewing but he couldn't. His grin was wide as he said, "I'm sorry, I don't think I heard you right. It sounded like Aella Barnes just admitted to being wrong."

"Shut up." She rolled her eyes but it wasn't long before she was joining in with his laughter.

"No, I need to hear you say it again." Finnick persisted, "This is a rare phenomenon, Ella, I don't think you understand that."

She shook her head, "I won't say it again."

"I guess I'll just have to remember this moment then." He said, looking at her as she laid on his chest.

His heart had never been so full. He had everything he ever wanted right there in front of him and sometimes he took that for granted but never again. Not after what they'd been through together and separately. Finnick was going to savour every moment they shared together as if it would be their last for the rest of his life. She was too precious. He loved her too much not to.

Never mind the morphling drip he was still on, Aella was his own personal drug. She could cure any of his ailments with a simple smile or a laugh.

And he was more than okay with that.

•    •    •

Aella would be the first to admit she was going stir crazy. She hadn't been so bad in District Thirteen because she couldn't physically see what she was missing outside. There were no windows, no sunlight streaming in, no stars littering the night sky to look at. In the mansion she could see all that and it drove her wild. She needed to be outside, she had to feel the cold kiss of wind on her skin and breathe in the fresh air to stop herself from losing her mind.

It had never been so bad. Her claustrophobia really was crushing her. Months spent in District Thirteen's fortress, weeks in a pitch black cell in the Capitol, back to Thirteen and then the sewers and Tigris's basement really had taken its toll on her. The panic she felt when she thought she was trapped was next level.

It was her new trigger and she was doing anything and everything she could to avoid having a panic attack because of it.

But her friends and her family understood. It had been hard on her. They got it. They didn't question it if she got up mid conversation and walked out the room she was in, if she walked over to a window and opened it wide enough so she could lean out of it to breathe in fresh air. They understood and they helped her whenever they could.

It wasn't like Snow's mansion was small. It was very spacious, bigger than her old home in the Victor's Village, bigger than anything Aella had ever seen before. It had gorgeously decorated high ceilings and ridiculously big rooms.

Hell, her and Finnick's bathroom was the size of their apartment they'd shared in District Thirteen. The hallways were big enough to fit ten people in if they were walking side by side. There was just something about having a roof over her head. She felt confined and then she started hallucinating that the walls were closing in on her and then she started to panic.

She was returning from a walk out around the grounds. It was cold outside that day but she didn't mind the bitter chill. It was better than not feeling it but she was still wrapped up well.

That was one good thing to come from Snow's overrule... Aella could finally wear clothes of her own again. She wasn't forced into wearing the awful regimented uniform that District Thirteen wore. She didn't have to wear armour fit for war. For the first time in months she could wear her own clothes and that gave her more freedom than being able to walk outside whenever she wanted to.

She was in her own world, admiring the rich decor of the hallways when she noticed someone approaching her from the opposite end of the hallway. She didn't expect to see Katniss Everdeen, released from the hospital and dressed.

Katniss seemed to freeze in her tracks when she saw Aella and she did the same, both women just starting at each other in the hallway until Aella cleared her throat and made the first move.

So much had happened since they'd last seen each other.

Aella walked the rest of the way to Katniss slowly, her hands tucked in her pockets and said, "Hi."

"Hey." Katniss replied dryly. Her voice was that same monotone Aella had heard her use during the Quell. Sorrow and pain etched into the young woman's features even if she did try to hide it well but Aella saw straight through it.

"How are you?"

Aella knew the question was stupid to ask but she couldn't think of anything else.

Katniss shrugged, "I'm fine. How's Finnick?"

A small smile crept to Aella's lips when she nodded and said, "He's good. Getting better with every day. He's been lucky."

"He's alive because of you." Katniss said to her nonchalantly, "We all are, you know."

Aella shrugged her off, "Hardly," she said, "I was an anxious mess ninety percent of the time who did nothing but hinder you all."

Katniss shook her head in dismissal, "You guarded us while we got to safety and..." there was a long pause before Katniss swallowed deeply and said, "and I'm sorry for releasing that Holo on you both. I really am."

Aella released a sigh, "I didn't understand why you did it at first but I had time to reflect and I get it."

Katniss nodded once but didn't say anything. She just stood in silence until Aella cleared her throat and said, "I heard briefly about what happened the morning you left for the mansion. I just want to say I'm truly sorry for your loss, Katniss."

Wholeheartedly touched, Katniss gave Aella a pressed smile and said, "Thank you."

Aella placed her hand on Katniss's upper arm and patted once as a sign of comfort, "It's unimaginable at first and you feel like you just want to die with them but I promise, over time, it'll get easier. It'll be bearable. But you know where to find me." She said before adding, "Take some comfort in knowing that Snow will soon pay for what he did."

A thick silence seeped over them before Katniss looked fleetingly to the ground and shifted on her feet. She met Aella's gaze and lowered her voice to say, "It wasn't Snow who dropped those bombs."

Aella's brows pulled into a tight frown when she recoiled in shock and said, "Excuse me?"

Katniss shook her head, "I saw Snow just now. He's out in the greenhouse. He didn't orchestrate the bombing. Coin did. She used Capitol airships to make it seem like it was Snow."

Aella's heart fell to the depths of her stomach and it churned. Bile rose up into her throat and she had to swallow thickly to get it back down, "She..." she breathed heavily in complete shock.

Over two hundred Capitol children had been killed in those bombings. Several hundred more were injured. And her own people? The death toll of the medics sent out after the first bombing had just gone into the hundreds that morning. She couldn't physically believe it. She knew Coin was sly and conniving and poisonous but she didn't think she would ever kill innocent children.

Obviously she was wrong. There wasn't anything President Coin was wouldn't do to achieve her goal. Aella had been very right in her initial opinion of Coin...she was just like President Snow. They were two peas in a pod and they both needed to be stopped.

"We need to stop this." Aella said aloud, eyes trained to the ground in shock, "She can't rule Panem."

"You're right, she can't." Katniss replied.

Aella racked her brain for a solution or an answer to their problems but she was far too pre-occupied with keeping her secret from Finnick. She hardly had any brain space to figure it out but she tried.

Overthrowing Coin would take too much time. She had already governed District Thirteen for a number of years. Not to mention Katniss and Aella would most likely be branded traitors for plotting to overthrow the woman who had supposedly led Panem to this victory. That was total bullshit if Aella had ever heard it.

In no world could either of them assassinate Coin. Again, they'd be branded traitors and most likely executed themselves for the crime. That option wasn't even a last resort. It was a complete no.

So it left them with one last limiting option, really. The upcoming 'free' election. President Coin would present herself alongside any other District governor who wished to run for President but already before the campaigning had even started there was a clear winner. Coin would take the majority vote and then become elected as President of Panem as opposed to President of District Thirteen.

If Aella and Katniss ever stood a chance at destroying Coin it would be in the upcoming election.

When they met each other's gaze again it was with the same knowing expression. They came to the same conclusion—made the same decision. It was their only choice and Aella has already started planting seeds of doubt... they just had to continue in where she had left off.

So Aella nodded her head and pursed her lips while she looked at Katniss, "The election it is, then." Aella said.

Katniss's face remained unchanged—stoic, like it usually was—but she nodded once in Aella's direction and said, "May the odds be ever in her favour."

A deep, menacing, smirk danced across Aella's lips as her eyes shone. For a second, the women who had gone into the Quarter Quell looked at Katniss and said smugly, "I'll drink to that."

•    • •

"Hey, you." Aella said softly to Finnick as she walked into she and his suite.

He was exactly where she had left him those hours ago. Since they'd parted ways in bed that morning so much had happened. Aella had every intention of returning to their suite after the walk she'd taken around the grounds that morning but after she'd ran into Katniss her plans had changed.

Instead of going back to their suite she decided to do some exploring of the mansion. She even ventured out to the gates where rebels were on guard. Her presence had surprised them massively but it had been more than welcome. She spoke with the surviving rebels, learned about their lives and where they'd come from and then started asking about their hopes for this new world they were heading into.

She had received pretty much the same answer from everyone she had asked. They all wanted a life without corruption where they could live in peace with their families and people. They wanted a fair ruler. Aella agreed with them, expressing her hopes for the life she wanted to build before steering the conversation on to how the rebellion came about in the first instance.

Something she'd become quite adept at over her years of being Victor was knowing how to control a conversation. She knew precisely how to draw people in and she knew how to influence and guide them into asking the questions she wanted to answer. It was how she'd come to talk about President Snow giving the order to assassinate hr family during her final Quarter Quell interview.

She talked openly and freely about the negotiations and agreements leading up to the Quarter Quell. She spoke about the secret meetings and how Plutarch Heavensbee had planned it all. She reiterated over and over again in so many different ways that he was the initial driving force of the rebellion. If it hadn't of been for his dream.. his idea, they'd still be stuck living in a world of corruption and tyranny.

The conversation always moved on to how they got out of the Quell. No one had actually ever seen their rescue because the force field had exploded, the cameras blown. Everyone was curious as to how it happened. Aella didn't even have to steer them into asking that question. But still, she told the story. She spoke about re-adjusting to life in Thirteen and how she begged over and over again for Coin to send her out to the Districts to help. She was sure to mention that it took weeks of persuading to let she and Katniss leave District Thirteen. She told them of how it was Beetee's idea to visit the wounded in District Eight.

She cleared up every little detail—no matter how small—and was sure to tell those who listened about whose idea was whose. The responding answer was always the same, they thought it was all Coin who made those decisions.

With each word she planted seeds of doubt. She opened up their eyes and allowed them to see the full picture, not the narrowed version Coin was giving them. The whole thing took less than an hour, too. She talked about how Finnick had been given the order to join them in war and how Aella had been told she had to stay. She was sure to mention that that was Coin's idea. Then—like putty in her hands—they asked how it was that Aella and Peeta had ended up in war and she said Coin had then made the decision to drag her and Peeta on to the front lines to show a united front to the Capitol after everything they'd been through.

That was when the uncertain looks started dancing in their eyes. Some made comments about how it wasn't necessary. Others spoke about how they should've been left to rest, that they deserved it.

It had only taken an hour but she knew that those stories she told would spread quicker than wildfire.

So she returned back to Finnick's bedside where she had been for the last seven days. Her fellow comrades had asked how he was, they'd asked about what had happened to him but all she'd been able to do was force a smile on her face and tell them he was recovering well. Those seven days played on repeat over and over again. The anxiety and the fear crept back in and clouded her head until she saw him in their bed.

When he opened his eyes and looked over at her all that worry melted away. Those seven days of hell became forgotten about every time she saw that breathtaking smile. He was still sick, yes, and he was still exhausted, but the smile he offered her had her knees buckling. Aella placed her hand on the door behind her to steady herself as she beheld him in bed.

Finally his skin was starting to regain some colour. It had lost the deathly paleness and the soft winter sun shone in through the windows and scattered across his face in an ethereal glow. It brought the speckles of blue in his eyes out, the mix of sea-foam green and turquoise shining together like pools of liquid gold. He looked like a god lying there in their bed. 

He had a long way to go, but his smile remained and it would forever knock all the air out of her.

"Hi." He responded tiredly before his eyes swept across the room and landed on the clock. He furrowed his brows to himself.

Aella grimaced, "Did I wake you?"

"It's okay," he responded, shaking his head before he patted the empty space on the bed where she slept in invitation and said, "so where did you go, hmm?"

"Oh you know," she shrugged as she walked over to the bed. She took her jacket and scarf off as she walked, tossing them on to a nearby decorative chair. When she was next to the bed she toed her boots off and said, "out and about."

"Yeah?" Finnick asked, arching his brow as he lifted the sheets for her to climb under.

"Hmm." She nodded, climbing in and scooting up to his side. She embraced his warmth as his arms wrapped around her.

"Sounds fun, you'll have to take me next time."

"Soon." She promised him, turning her head to rest her chin atop his chest, "Real soon."

Finnick smiled and said, "Yeah, now the morphling is down."

Aella sat up, her eyes widening as she said, "What?"

"Yep," Finnick nodded, "Dr. Vann came in while you were out. She looked at the wound, said it was healing nicely and that they'd finished weaning the morphling. The next step was taking it down."

Concern flashed through Aella's eyes as she looked at the clean bandages on his throat and said, "But you're not in any pain are you?"

"No, Ella, I'm not." He said to her comfortingly, taking her hand. She had sat up fully, body twisted to see him with her legs crossed underneath her.

She slotted her fingers into his with a soft smile and looked at him. Again, that guilt kicked her in the stomach. It gnawed at her and built and built and built until she felt like she was going to scream. She couldn't do it to him...she couldn't put him through the pain she was dealing with. It wasn't fair. He already had enough to deal with. He had to focus on getting better.

But something must've slipped on her face or in her eyes without her realising because Finnick was frowning at her a minute later and saying, "What is it?"

Those three little words... she felt like they were going to break her. But she knew she couldn't do it anymore—not on her own. She couldn't stay strong for him. She needed to share this burden with him, no matter how much she didn't want to otherwise she wasn't going to heal and she'd spend the rest of her life going round and round in the same circle.

For the first time in seven days tears prickled her eyes and stung. Finnick's frown turned into full blown concern as he sat up the best he could to reach her, "Ella? What's wrong, love?"

Her bottom lip trembled and she shook her head, "I'm so sorry, Fin."

"For what?" He asked her in utter confusion. Her arms reached out for him and he welcomed her into his arms, sitting up against the headboard and guiding her to rest against his chest. He held her close, listening to her sniffle as tears ran down her cheeks and dropped on to the shirt he was wearing. He had no idea what she was talking about, what she was apologising for...

"I-I didn't know," her voice cracked before she released the first of many sobs, "I would've been mo-more careful i-if I knew." Her breaths were staggered as she forced her words out between her sobs but Finnick continued to comfort her.

"You can tell me, Aella." He said to her, "Whatever it is, you can tell me."

He felt her clutch his shirt in her fist. She buried her head into his chest and said, "I-I lost it."

There were so many different meanings to that sentence he didn't even know where to begin. Had she lost something? Had she lost her temper? Her composure? Maybe she'd had a massive panic attack while she'd been gone. He truly had no idea what she was talking about but he remained patient with her regardless. Whatever she had lost had upset her.

He rocked her gently back and forth in the same fashion he'd done in the Quell after they'd tortured her with those Jabberjays, like he did whenever she woke up from a nightmare, or was too afraid to go to sleep at night. He held her tightly and soothed her while asking, "What did you lose?"

There was a brief second of silence before an almighty sob tore through her and she cried, "O-our baby."

For a second Finnick thought he'd misheard her because there was no way she could've said that she'd lost their baby. There hadn't even been a baby in the first instance. It was impossible... until it wasn't.

His silence stretched on as he recited her words in his head over and over again. Their baby... He hadn't been hearing things. She had actually said that. They had never thought anything of it at the time, for some insanely stupid reason Finnick just didn't think she'd end up pregnant. He didn't think it would happen to them. It hadn't happened the night before the Quell. Then he realised that they'd given her a hormone injection like they had every other female tribute who was of re-productive age. She hadn't gotten pregnant then because she physically couldn't. Nothing had stopped it from happening in District Thirteen.

But they had never really talked about children. Their focus had been on the war. The only time it had been mentioned was when they were trying to figure out a reason for him to stay in District Thirteen and not be drafted out to war. Then they'd shoved the idea away when she had said immediately after he suggested it that they wouldn't find out in time. Coin would've wanted proof and they wouldn't of had it. Little had either of them known that she was already pregnant at the time and she had been for weeks.

Finnick fell into shock. An influx of emotions surged his body and fought for control. He physically couldn't process it but he did know that the love of his life was sobbing in his arms over their loss... their loss she was blaming herself for.

And somehow, the right words found him in their time of need, "Shh, Ella," he soothed her, "it's okay, it's okay."

She shook her head into his chest and said through her tears, "I'm so sorry."

A lump formed in Finnick's throat but he swallowed it down. He couldn't stop his own tears as they rose to his eyes and one slipped down his cheek, dropping into her hair. He wanted to know when. He wanted to know how. He wanted the full story but he wanted it at the right time. His priority right then was Aella. It was knowing she was okay, physically and mentally. The rest would come later.

"It's not your fault." He whispered to her, "It's not your fault."

He held her tight while she sobbed and even after her cries subdued. He held her even when she drifted off into sleep, hiccuping softly and still breathing irregularly. He continued to hold her and he didn't let go.

Not now, not ever.

•    •    •

A/N; sorry there was no update yesterday. I was sleeping off the nightshift.

My poor babies🥺 they don't deserve the heartache.