CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE ─── apologies

The fight to regain Skade had been quick and simple enough, with them climbing onto the boats to escape. Despite the anger that Sihtric knew Yrsa had for him, he made sure that she stayed out of the fighting as best possible, conscious that she was with child.

He would not dare risk harming their baby.

Yrsa had fired upon Haesten's men as they left, before sinking down at the back of the boat and going back to ignoring her husband and all others in the boat as best she could. They had followed the river back to Coccham, and Yrsa knew that her horse would find her soon enough. Beastie was bound to her by the gods, and he would return to her so.

Sihtric held out a hand for her, though Yrsa brushed it aside and clambered out on her own, standing with Osferth as Sihtric took a deep breath. He had almost forgotten how stubborn she could be in arguments, though he knew he deserved it. He sighed, watching his wife disappear and head back around to go and find their home.

"She'll come around." Finan smacked his shoulder as Sihtric shook his head.

"She will not." He joined Uhtred and Skade at the entrance to their hall, looking at the Wessex soldiers in disgust and annoyance.

"Stand aside. I want no blood shed, no man killed." Uhtred demanded as Sihtric fiddled with his wedding ring, before catching sight of the nod that Uhtred shot towards him. 

"He said stand aside! Now!" He raised his voice, glaring as the men looked between themselves before moving out of his way. "Thank you. I should not need to raise my voice."

Throwing open the doors, Sihtric held it open for Uhtred and Skade to walk in first, a scowl forming on his face at the sight of the bishop that was occupying their hall and eating their food.

"Uhtred? What is the meaning for this invasion?"

"This is my home." Sihtric looked around, before circling around the table and examining each and every person that was sitting in places they should not be.

"We are here by right, on the king's business." The bishop explained.

"You are stealing food from the mouths of the poor." Uhtred corrected, as Sihtric put his hand on the monk's shoulder, who dared to sit in Yrsa's seat.

"An army needs to be fed." The priest turned around, meeting Sihtric's dark glare and scurrying out of the way of the man.

"As do priests, it seems." Skade stabbed at the meat, as Sihtric backed the priest away from the table with a grin, his blood boiling as all of his emotions bubbled up inside him. He was angry, more so at himself than anything else. He felt guilty and he hated that Uhtred had ever talked him into agreeing to hurt Yrsa, and their child. He huffed as the man finally found a corner to hide in, before grabbing a glass of ale and slumping down at the bench.

He needed a plan, he needed to think of what to do that would win back his favour with his wife, who was with child, their first child. Sihtric had to do his job, but hurting Yrsa had never been a part of that.

"The king has told me many times that this is a pagan's hall!" Sihtric turned at the sharp sound of Uhtred's voice, gathering some food for Yrsa. "You will take it down."

"It is my cross, Lord." The answer to Sihtric's prayers seemed to walk in the door, for there stood Hild and if there was one person who Yrsa adored as much as him, it was Hild. It helped that Yrsa would probably speak to the Abbess. "My doing. I put it there. And I would like it to remain there, unless of course, your plan is once again to be the Lord of Coccham. I meant no insult."

There was a grunting sound before the cross slammed into the floor as Skade sighed.

"Now, perhaps, we may eat." Finan picked the cross up, as Sihtric stood up. Hild and Uhtred headed out as Sihtric hurried to follow, brushing his hand out as he tried to find a way to speak with the woman.

"Abbess! Abbess!" Sihtric hurried after the woman, who was saying something to Uhtred in hushed tones. The Abbess turned to face him, as Sihtric looked between her and Uhtred. The man took the hint, walking away as Sihtric turned to Hild with wide eyes.

"Sihtric, I did not see Yrsa, where is she?"

"At home, I think." Sihtric replied, hand on his sword. "She is angry with me and-"

"What did you do?" Hild sighed at the man.

"Uhtred needed me to pretend to abandon him, to go to the Danes camp and spy so that Skade could be reclaimed but Yrsa could not go with me and if Yrsa was not convinced that I was going, then no one would be." Sihtric stumbled over his words. "So I had to leave her, and get her to remain with Finan but she is not pleased now that I am back for I had to lie to her."

"I can imagine that." Hild folded her arms across her chest. "You are a bright boy, Sihtric, you know that Yrsa is stubborn and she will come around. Just give her some space."

Hild turned to walk away.

"She is with child." Hild pause, turning around as Sihtric's eyes went wide. It was the first time he had said it aloud and it was like there was a weight setting on his chest at the thought. "Yrsa is with child and she told me when I had to leave her. Please, I need help."

"Sihtric." Hild sighed, before coming closer to place a hand on the man's shoulder. "That is wonderful news but you should speak with Yrsa, tell her why you did it and beg her forgiveness. It is not like she will harm you for doing so."

"She shot me with an arrow again when I left her."

"Well, at least she's got that out of the way."

"Is there any chance that you could speak to her? Tell her that I meant her no harm?" Sihtric pleaded, gnawing on his lips. "She will listen to you."

"No, if I tell her that it will only make her more angry. Speak to her yourself, Sihtric, she is your wife and you know her better than anyone here." Hild advised, before squeezing his shoulder. "She is most likely sad and scared and worried and you have to think, she spent multiple days thinking that you had left her and your child, and you would not be coming back. Understand her viewpoint."

Sihtric nodded, before letting Hild go and heading back to his own home.

༓࿇༓

"Yrsa?" Sihtric opened the door to their home, happy to find that most of their things were left untouched though with a slight layer of dust. As the only two Danes, most assumed that their house was cursed and so anyone who entered uninvited would perish. It kept them from being robbed. 

His wife was not in the main room, and Sihtric set his cloak and sword down, before padding through and into the bedroom. Yrsa was at the dress, pulling a different tunic on. Sihtric's eyes caught sight of the slight swell of her stomach, a warm feeling filling him at the sight of his unborn child.

"Yrsa." She pulled her tunic down, not looking at him, as Sihtric approached her cautiously. "I am sorry, please, believe me, I am sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, or make you upset, and I wanted to tell you this but I knew that it would not be believable if you did not react like that. Please, understand, you know that I would not want to go without you."

"But you did." 

"I know I did, but I had no choice."

"There is always a choice, Sihtric." Yrsa spun around to glare at him, pointing an accusing finger in his face. "You could have said no, said that you would not do that to me, and yet you did. You left me. You left me as you swore you never would."

"I know." Sihtric nodded, as she prodded his chest, glaring.

"I am with child. Do you know what it feels like to hear the man you love, the father of your child, saying that he does not want you, that you should go away? And then, and then to make it all better, you left after I told you I was with child!" Yrsa growled, eyes flashing dangerously but Sihtric could read the hurt in them, see the tears welling up.

"I know, and it killed me to do it, Yrsa. I wanted nothing more than to get off of that horse, to turn around and to go back to you, of course I did. Uhtred asked me to do it, asked me to complete that mission because I knew that if Skade returned and we were able to stop the curse and to kill her then you would be safe and free." Sihtric pleaded, grasping her hand though she struggled. "I know that you hate that I made that choice, and I would have rather you be by my side for all of it, but all know that you would never betray Uhtred. All I could think about was that if I did this, if I got Skade back to us, that you would be safe, that our child would be safe."

"No, you do not get to say things like that and expect that to make it better." A tear rolled down Yrsa's face as she felt Sihtric's hand brush across her stomach. The child fluttered to be closer as she fought to struggle free of his hold. "No, no, no."

"Yrsa-"

"No!"

"Yrsa." Sihtric hated seeing her that upset, knowing that he was the cause of it, and he grabbed her hand and pulled her into his chest, pulling her as close as he dared as he hugged her. Her fists slammed against his back, but Sihtric kept still. At least she did not have a dagger with her to stab him in the back. "I could never leave you, Yrsa."

"You did, you did leave me and you left our child out in the rain, and you went." Sihtric nodded as he sank to the floor, still holding his wife as she sobbed. Her hits grew weaker, her anger slowly diminishing as Sihtric kissed her head. "You left me."

"And the gods can punish me for it forever more." Sihtric pulled away, brushing her hair from her face. Her eyes were screwed shut as her hits finally stopped, her fingers digging into his skin and armour. "I was a fool to agree to that plan, I was a fool to go through with it, a fool to say those thing and to leave you and I will spend forever more trying to make it up to you, however I can."

Yrsa said nothing, her sobs quietening as Sihtric's hand traced shapes on her stomach. He pressed another kiss to her head, burying his nose into her hair as they breathed together.

"I am sorry." He muttered once more into her ear, before tilting her head until she looked at him. "I love you and only the gods know the depth of my love for you."

He searched her eyes. Sihtric knew better than to initiate any affection with her, especially whilst she was still angry. She most likely had only stopped hitting him because she was exhausted, not because she had forgiven him.

"Whatever you need me to do, however long you need me to wait, to make it up to you, I will." Sihtric smiled, though it was not returned. "I swear it."

༓࿇༓

Hiya,

So, Sihtric is apologising and stressed, Yrsa is just purposefully not responding in the slightest but they're having fun and Yrsa's defo pregnant, so I'm excited. I'm really hyped for the rest of these plot lines tbh, and Sihtric's still got some grovelling to do.

Let me know what you think,

Love Li xx