This is a review of the wonderful book 'Fateful Collison' by Hells07dealer.

Review Type : Scored

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Book Title : 5/5
The title is contextual, aesthetic and different. What more do we want? It does a good job at introducing the story to us, especially ‘collision’ because that's exactly how they met.

Book Cover : 3/5
The cover is aesthetic, but once I take a closer look, there's a few things that can be changed. The fonts are good, they are readable despite Wattpad blurring and ruining the quality. However, I feel like the overall ‘blue’ doesn't actually do much. It seems overwhelming if you get what I mean. Especially the outline around Yoojung and Namjoon. Also, Yoojung’s (Y/n) photo is perhaps too cheerful considering how she’s got a messed up life. I feel like her photo in a wedding gown or perhaps a photo that is not cheerful would suit better. Namjoon's photo could be changed to one where he’s in formals.
You can still use the blue aesthetic, but make sure not to overuse it. Also, don't outline the people with any colour. If you see my covers (the ones that have such edits), I try my best to make the characters look like they are in the background, an outline makes it obvious that they are edited over. You’re still learning, so it's a very good cover for being a learner in editing. Changing these few things could enhance the cover though.

Blurb/Description : 3/5
I know that most people ask us to provide a summary of the story in the blurb. But I feel like it's pretty useless. A blurb is your first chance to attract a reader towards the story, no matter how you do it. The most effective style that I know is using an iconic dialogue from the book as the opening (the first thing in the blurb). Then try your best to write ‘something’ about the story in short. There's no need to provide a long summary, just write an interesting part about the story in a poetic or hooking manner.

I’ll be very honest, I mostly skip stories with long blurbs. The ones that have me instantly clicking them are those that have catchy dialogues and short summaries.
I don't have anything against long blurbs. But make sure they are interesting enough to be read entirely.

All in all, no matter the length, try to include dialogues and catchy parts of the story and ensure that it's interesting enough for the reader to start the story.

Plot : 15/15
The plot has taken a twist to a cliché which is highly appreciated. The runaway bride concept is not a unique one, but the way it's presented in the story, the way scenes unfold slowly is great. The past stories of the characters are also slightly twisted from common clichés. Stories that take clichés and add twists to it are always a standout. I don't really have any criticisms about the plot as it's not too cliché and doesn't have any noticeable plot holes. Hence, the plot is definitely a highlight of the story.

Writing Style : 11/15

Your writing style is pretty good. But I did find a few things that you can work on.

The first is that you use pictures instead of description in some scenes. I’m not talking about when you put pictures of those 70 dresses, but I’m talking about the rooms, and also the birthday party theme. You used pictures as an alternative of description, which is a con in writing. Pictures are just used to enhance the aesthetic and clarify the readers, they aren't an excuse to not describe the things. I personally found it difficult to immerse myself in the birthday party scenes because it was full of pictures and there was little to no description of the things. So I’d suggest that even if you use photos, make sure to describe what's in the photo before putting the picture out there, this enhances your writing style and also engages the reader.

This particular dialogue also stood out to me :

“Happy birthday princess/cupcake/baby/wwb/sweetheart/munchkin/sunshine!”

The slashes between the nicknames draw the readers out of the story, breaking the element. Instead of putting the nicknames in slashes, you can just write it like :

“Happy birthday Princess!”

“Happy birthday cupcake!”

And so on, separately. It may seem like too much work, but to keep readers engaged, eliminating any and everything that breaks the story’s element is important. You can also choose not to write the nicknames when they wish her, just use a simple, “Happy birthday Yura!!” . Scatter them throughout the story. Like the nickname they have for her, they’ll call her by that in a conversation, except the birthday wish one. Or just use them in description like :

Namjoon admired his princess.
Or
Jin smiled at the little girl, the world wide beauty for him.

Another example :
In introduction, for Y/n’s part, it's already mentioned in her profession that she’s studying to become a doctor. So instead of writing ‘studying hard to be a doctor' in her personality, you can write, ‘hardworking’.

Example :

Yura obliged, and Jin’s voice carried through the car’s speakers.
The word ‘carried’ doesn't really suit here, you could use something like ‘perceived’ or the simple ‘was heard’.

“Thank you for helping me, umm… Namjoon…Kim Namjoon,” the man said finally, after hearing her voice. His voice was sweet and soft.

This particular part is pretty confusing, it's unclear if he's the one speaking or Y/n. Their dialogues seem to have merged here, the description also takes some time to be cleared here.

In the same chapter, the last two paragraphs have the dialogues merged in and one of the quotation marks doesn't close. This hinders the clarity of the reader’s perception. I’d suggest editing these few parts of the second chapter.

There's also repetitive word choice in some parts of the story. Your vocabulary might be good and you try to use fancy words, but fancy words stand out more than simple words.
The most commonly used words were : chimed, scooped and playfully.
I noticed these three words excessively throughout the story. I'd suggest you something, try to use less fancy words, especially in dialogue tags. Try to use comparatively less dialogue tags than you do, and try to mostly use said and asked instead of other fancy words. Take more time to describe the characters actions in the scene instead of using extravagant vocabulary. I feel like 2-5 fancy words per 80 word paragraph are more than enough. They are neither under nor overwhelming.

Also, BTS is used to address all the members in the story, but there's no establishment about why they have that name in the story. We know they are BTS, but in the story, they are just friends. So try to say things like, ‘the group of friends’, ‘the pair of besties’, ‘the buddies’ instead of BTS to address them. This breaks the element of the story.

But I’d also like to point out the positive things. You take time to describe scenes (sometimes it misses due to fancy words but it's mostly good), many of the scenes are so beautifully written that I read them again to feel. Most of the things are pretty clear and the emotions are portrayed well. I’d say that you just need practice and nothing else.

Characters and their development : 12/15

Till now, the characters are developing nicely. They have emotions, they have perceptions and they feel. The human thing is radiating off them. Mostly, I can relate to and love the characters, but I’d also like to highlight the lack of perspectives. We don't exactly get that much closure with the characters due to the lack of their point of views. I'd suggest you to take more time to describe the characters’ emotions, I know you already do it, but a little more of it would be even better.

Also, I’d say one thing, even after reading their past story, I feel like the use of all BTS members as characters causes an abundance of characters. The only useful characters in the story are Namjoon, Jin, Yura, Y/n, Yoongi and maybe Hoseok. The maknae line seems to be just there for the sake of including OT7 into the story. Redundancy of characters almost always makes the storytelling hard. You can't do anything about the characters now as they have already been introduced, so I’d just suggest you to not try and force OT7 in a story, it's okay if a story requires only a few members or even just one member. There's no obligation to include all 7 of them.

Towards the positive, even though the Maknae line doesn't contribute to the storytelling (yet), they are sweet characters and seem to have comforted Y/n. Overall, the characters are all nice, but including too many of them on the same side, that too as friends causes redundancy.

Grammar and Vocabulary : 11/15

Your vocabulary is really good, even I don't use words like ‘cacophony’ in my stories. It was a delight to learn new words through your story. So I’d definitely praise you on that.

Moving on to the other thing, grammar. You mostly have good sentence formation but it slips out sometimes and gives off slightly off sounding sentences.
For eg :

She dialled the number and put on the call as her father’s request.
This sentence sounds a bit off, like it's not what is meant to be conveyed.

An alternative would be :
She dialled the number at her father’s request.

A shorter sentence with the ‘at her’ provides the necessary information.
Try to write shorter sentences wherever possible, especially if a longer sentence that provides extra details sounds off.

Also, in their introduction, the name of the one being introduced is capitalised while others’ names are not.

“Sorry I didn't introduce myself. I am Kim Seokjin, a surgeon and I treated you yesterday.

The quotation mark doesn't close in this dialogue. In the next paragraph,

Yn bowed in gratitude and said “thank you Mr. Kim” “no worries and you can call me oppa if you are comfortable. You should sit down.” But yn didn't move so yura held her hand and namjoon hand and made them sit beside each other while she sat beside her Mochi uncle. They both looked at each other and winked.

The dialogue formatting is done incorrectly here, there are a lost of punctuation errors too. The correction would be :

Yn bowed in gratitude and said ,“Thank you Mr. Kim.”
“No worries; and you can call me oppa if you are comfortable. You should sit down,” Jin said to her.
But Yn didn't move, so Yura held hers and Namjoon’s hand and made them sit beside each other. She then sat beside her Mochi uncle. Jimin and Yura looked at each other and winked.

The latter one might be different from what you would write, but it's just an example. The dialogue tags and punctuation enhance the clarity and ease the reader. Also, the last sentence should mention who winked at each other because it was unclear previously. It took a few reads to know whose action it was.

“....,” Yn said determinedly.

In the book, the last full stop is missing. There are quite some punctuation errors, especially missing punctuation and capitalisation errors.

The punctuation errors are really consistent throughout the story and pose clarity issues. I feel that you should proofread your story and edit it at the places where such errors occur.

Other examples :
Incorrect:
Jin said Namjoon to hold her but Namjoon looked a little hesitant.

Correct :
Jin told/asked Namjoon to hold her, but Namjoon looked a little hesitant.

Incorrect:
He talked to namjoon, taehyung and hoseok about bringing them and when they agreed. He went with the police officer to the orphanage and signed himself as their guardian and paid the necessary fees and brought them home.

Correct :
He talked to Namjoon, Taehyung and Hoseok about bringing them home; and when they agreed, he went with the police officer to the orphanage. He signed himself as their guardian and paid the necessary fees to bring them home.

Here, the capitalisation is not done in the book. Most of your grammatical errors are punctuation, in that too, the missing commas and non-capitalised proper nouns or first words of sentences. Proofreading can be a source of help, or you can just write your stories in Google Docs (it suggests corrections by underlining the mistakes), or using Grammarly. I prefer Google Docs though.

Tense switch :
Example -1
The 1st room was shared by Jin and Yoongi, and another room was studying room usually kept empty as it has all music composing system.

The 1st room was shared by Jin and Yoongi, another room was the studying room that was usually empty as it had all the music equipment.

You use past tense throughout the story, in this paragraph, ‘was’ is used to describe the rooms first, whereas in the following part of the sentence, ‘has’ is used. The change of simple past tense to simple present is an error.

Example - 2
As they strolled home, laughter echoing through the streets.

As they strolled home, laughter echoed through the streets.

The simple past tense changes to continuous in the book, it's okay to use different forms of a tense sometimes (but try to use the same tense throughout), but never in the same sentence.

Your basic grammar skills are decent and you mostly do dialogue tags right as well. But the missing punctuation poses a lot of clarity issues. In dialogue tags, try using lesser fancy words and lesser tags altogether, but when you do use them, use said and asked most of the time and fancy words sometimes.

Pacing : 9/10

The pacing of the story is mostly fine. But in some of the chapters like the shopping ones, a lack of detailing appears to be present. This results in slightly faster pacing than usual. Other than that, the beginning chapters (one and two), have relatively slower pacing than the latter chapters. But it's mostly fine since the first few chapters need to make an introduction. You can also note that the score is good for pacing, so you just need to stabilise the pacing throughout the story, although it's nearly stable. But, truthfully, it never felt overwhelming or boring, so it's definitely good.

Creativity : 5/5

You use nice vocabulary, even though some of the words are repetitive, it's not that often. There's not many cliché phrases used in the story and you have a distinct style of expression. This is my definition of creativity in creative writing, a distinct style of expression that is creative. You do well in this aspect, so I have no criticisms.

Overview : 6/10

i) The story is overall a good work. The twist to the runaway bride cliché is entertaining and the characters are endearing.
ii) The writing style is distinct and expressive.
iii) The story has good pacing.
iv) The book has a perfect title.
v) The cover is aesthetic.
vi) The blurb is pretty long.
vii) The story has a brilliant plot.
vii) The characters are good, but some of them don't contribute to the story.
viii) There are consistent punctuation errors.
ix) There are a few tense errors.
x) There are times when pictures are used and description is not done.

Total : 80/100

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This is a brilliant story and I would definitely recommend it to you all. Check out the work and support her. It's a distinct piece that brings a tasteful twist to a cliché.