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Note: If you guys were wondering why I've just been posting Brendon, Dallon, and Ryan fics, it's because I'm trying to wrap up the series that are currently running in this book: Oh, Those Summer Nights, Hey, and Cape Town. As soon as Hey and Oh, Those Summer Nights are done (Cape Town will be running for a while) I'll get back to writing for the other bands. (And hopefully catering to the needs of some Joe girls ;). )

Also, how the hell have we reached 50k already?! That's insane! Thank you all so much. xx

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Brendon had been in countless situations that made him feel incredibly anxious before. Hell, he felt anxious every night right before going onstage. But nothing had ever, ever, made his heart palpitate and cause his breath to get caught in his throat as enormously as when he stepped through the door to join you on the porch.

You were standing right in front of him; all he had to do was reach out his hand and he would be touching you. But he couldn't. He wanted to – so badly – but he couldn't will himself to elevate his limb and break the barrier between you two. The imminent threat of your rejection worked like a poison; it paralysed him. He couldn't move, he couldn't speak... and he didn't try to. He simply stood there, waiting. Waiting for what? Fuck, if he knew. He had no idea what he was doing, but he knew that he needed to do something.

Sensing someone else's presence, you raked your fingers through your hair and heaved a heavy, tired sigh.

"Josh, I'm not going back in while he's still there," you said flatly.

"Well, he's not in there," Brendon responded, causing you to whip around to face him, "he's out here."

Noticeably taken aback since you weren't expecting Brendon to follow you out, you widened your eyes infinitesimally and leaned back a bit. Once you got over the initial shock of seeing him, you frowned.

"Great. That means that I can go back inside now," you gave him a sarcastic smile as you pushed past him towards the door. You didn't make it inside, since Brendon ceased your arm and pulled you back to where you were standing before. "What the hell, Brendon?! Let me go!"

"Not before we talk," he insisted, not letting go of your arm.

"There's nothing for us to talk about," you sneered, trying to wiggle your way out of Brendon's iron grip.

"There's everything for us to talk about."

You stopped struggling and looked up at him. His eyes were warm, coaxing you to stay and talk. You could never say no to those eyes – even now, when you hated him; you couldn't bring yourself to just walk away. You didn't have the willpower. But you did have anger, and Brendon was about to find out just how much.

Fuelled by your rage, you managed to release yourself from Brendon's grip while simultaneously summoning the hardest glare you could muster and directing it at him.

"You mean like you walking out on me? Leaving me when you said you would never?" you hissed, placing an open palm on his chest and harshly shoving him backwards; he stumbled somewhat.

He inhaled deeply, casting his gaze downwards before focusing it on you. "I had my reasons, (Y/N)," he said softly.

You scoffed. "Bullshit."

Now it was his turn to frown. "Do you really think I would've just cut you off for no reason?"

"Yes," you nodded, folding your arms over your chest, "Because that's exactly what you did."

Brendon shut his eyes and shook his head. "I had a career I needed to focus on. Panic! was just starting to take off and I was busier than I'd ever been in my entire life. It was all so intense, and we just got thrown into it and I... I had no idea how to handle any of it. I was seventeen years old, for fuck's sake. Everything was just moving so fast and I had no time for anything else except the band," he rambled, stopping for a second to sigh and shake his head again, "You don't think I wanted to be with you, (Y/N)? I wanted that more than anything in the world. But I knew that there was no way that it could work while things were going the way that they were going. I would have never been able to be with you or treat you the way that you would've deserved. That you do deserve. And it's not like I never considered trying. It was all I thought about. I even booked a flight to see you. But I knew that it wouldn't have been enough. I would've still have had to leave, and you would've still gotten hurt. I know that it was a douchebag move and I know that I broke your heart. But believe me when I say that that was the last thing I wanted. I never wanted you to get hurt."

"So you thought that cutting me off completely would somehow prevent that?" you questioned, raising your brows, "Because it didn't. In fact, it did the complete opposite. It fucking wrecked me. You just...." you stopped for a second to get your emotions under control; you didn't want to cry right now, "You just walked out of my life with no explanation. You could've at least written, Brendon. Explained to me why you couldn't be with me. I would've understood; I knew – I know – how important the band is to you and I would've never have stopped you from following your dream. But just fucking ignoring me? Fuck, it hurt so much!"

"Look, I know what I did was shitty. I know that now," he insisted, holding his arms out towards you and furrowing his brows in a desperate attempt to get you to understand his reasoning, "But I had never been in that kind of situation before and I didn't know what the fuck to do! I thought that by doing what I did it would save you from the whole crappy breakup thing. Stupid, I know, but I was young. We both were."

You ran your tongue over your teeth and nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, we were young. But I loved you. I loved you with everything I had and you..." you took a breath to steady yourself, "you just threw me away. Like I was nothing." You turned to look to the side, at something – anything else – that wasn't Brendon, while he looked down in shame.

"Did I even really mean something to you? Did you even love me?" you asked, voice quiet and fragile.

The absurdity of the question made Brendon's head snap up immediately, and created a scowl on his face.

"Of course I loved you! You know I did!"

"Do I?!" you scoffed as you advanced on him, "Do I really? Because what you did to me... THAT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU DO TO SOMEONE YOU LOVE!"

"I'M FUCKING SORRY, OKAY?!" he contended, throwing his hands up, "I'M SORRY THAT I LEFT YOU, I'M SORRY THAT I HURT YOU, I'M SORRY FOR EVERYTHING!" he reached out to you and took your hands in his, slightly surprised that you didn't protest, "But I'm here now, okay? And I wanna make things right. Please, just let me make things right," he pleaded, voice cracking under the strain of containing his emotion.

You could feel the tears fast approaching, and you shut your eyes to get rid of them. Yanking your hands from Brendon's, you shook your head yet again.

"It's too late," you whispered, "I'm over you, Brendon."

~

The entire rest of your group were still huddled in Dallon's living room, sitting silently and straining their ears to make out what you and Brendon were saying to one another.

Then, the yelling started, and they didn't have to strain their ears anymore. It came so suddenly, with such volume and force that it startled almost all of the guys.

"Wow," Andy remarked, widening his eyes as Pete let out a low whistle.

Suddenly, Josh leapt up and out of his seat.

"What are you doing?" Tyler asked, tossing his friend a puzzled look.

"I'm gonna go out there and try to diffuse the situation. Before Brendon lands up in the ER."

~

Hearing you say those four words... it drove Brendon over the edge. He had been determined when this conversation had started. Wilful. Desperate to win you back. But when those words slipped past your lips, the desperation increased tremendously and it was joined with anger. The anger was made up of two things – irritation because you weren't understanding his motives, and fear that he was about to lose you forever.

Anger is one of the cruellest emotions. It makes you say and do things that you don't mean, and – as Brendon was about to find out – it could cost you a lot more.

"Really?! You're over me?!" he snapped, jaw clenching, "Well, if you're so over me, then why did you run out crying because of me?!"

His entire outburst – his words, his anger, and his body language – froze you in your place. More than that, it pissed you the fuck off. Was he seriously getting upset at you? Him? The one who caused all of the heartache and pain so many years ago that still haunts you to this day? Not a fucking chance.

Balling your hands into fists, you took another step towards him, so that you were only inches apart, and stared him down. Clenching your jaw too, you took a deep breath.

His arrogance was the last straw; you lifted your hand into the air. You were just about to bring it down when a strong pair of arms clamped around your waist and pulled you backwards, right before you could leave a red hand print on Brendon's face.

"You wanna know why I cried?" you yelled, still trying to reach him and smack him silly, "BECAUSE YOU FUCKING HURT ME! YOU WERE MY FIRST EVERYTHING AND THEN YOU JUST LEFT! THAT'S NOT SOME SHIT THAT JUST STOPS HURTING!"

You finally let the tears fall now as you let out small sobs. Brendon watched you with a sad face, feeling ashamed for what he had done all those years ago. Now he had gone and screwed it up even more, and he hated himself.

With a pleading face, he made a move to try and touch you, but Josh – who had turned you around and was now holding your sobbing self tight against his chest – interjected.

"Dude," he said softly, "I think you should just go back inside."

After one last look at your frame, Brendon nodded solemnly before heading back inside and leaving your crying frame cradled in Josh's arms.

"I hate him, Josh," you spoke through sobs, "I hate him."

"It's alright," he soothed, rubbing your back, "Calm down, beautiful."

After another five minutes or so, you had stopped crying and removed your face from Josh's tear-stained shirt.

"Hey," Josh spoke after a little while, "since Brendon's probably still inside and I know you don't want to see him, whaddya say we get out of here? Go for some ice-cream or something?"

You gave the drummer a small smile. "Ice-cream sounds fantastic."

~
As you buried your sorrows at the bottom of a triple-chocolate fudge sundae, you retold the events of your and Brendon's argument to Josh, who sat and listened patiently.

"Maybe you're being just a smidge too hard on him," Josh said when you had finished the story, "Like he said, he'd never been in that kind of situation before."

"I get that. But to cut all ties to me...that's just cruel," you shoved another spoonful of ice-cream into your mouth and swallowed, "I mean, you would never have done that to me."

Josh tilted his head side-to-side and sucked on his teeth. "Well, yeah, but these kinds of things affect different people in different ways. He was just doing what he thought was best. It just so happens that it all turned to shit," he shrugged, swiping some cream.

"Whatever," you sighed, grabbing another spoonful and holding it up as if to cheers with Josh, "I don't need a man. I've got my one Josh Dun and I'm perfectly cool with that."

With that, Josh smiled at you and you both continued eating. Brendon was the furthest thing from your mind at that point.

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Thank you for reading x

And now... please enjoy reading the argument mikeywaystambourine and I got into as a result of this fic:

PS. Please excuse my wallpaper. I am WWE trash.

*insert 20 voice notes of us yelling at each other*

So what do you guys think? 😂
Are you Team Beebo or Team Jish? 👀 x