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DRESS
(( — DEAD POETS SOCIETY — ))

—chapter xviii. of grief and persevering love

tw: mention of suicide and grief

LORAINE WAS STARING at charlie, who was sitting in the front row. she was seated across from him, next to her brother, whose hand she had been holding since the ceremony had begun.

she had seen mr keating sitting down the row from them, but she hadn't been able to talk with him before the service had started. he looked as sad as all of them did and loraine was wishing she could've spoken to him.

charlie wasn't singing, just like her. he just stared straight ahead, almost looking through her.

after the singing had ended, nolan took the stage, holding a speech. "the death of neil perry is a tragedy. he was a fine student, one of welton's best and he will be missed. we've contacted each of your parents to explain the situation. naturally, they're all quite concerned" he paused, before he finally added "at the request of neil's family i intend to conduct a thorough enquiry into this matter. your complete cooperation is expected"

loraine looked up surprised. she looked at thomas, but he looked just as surprised.

after the ceremony had ended, loraine noticed her friends sneaking off. she asked thomas to cover for her, before she followed them into the room and closed the door. they spun around frightened, before they calmed down as they noticed that it was just her.

"ray" charlie said relieved, before he hugged her "where have you been? i haven't seen you since yesterday morning"

"i wasn't allowed to go back to my room" loraine said and exchanging a look with knox, she added "my father thought i tried to throw myself out of the window, that's why i wasn't allowed to go anywhere without him or thomas"

"what?" todd asked confused

"you tried what?" charlie was more angry than confused. he couldn't handle losing the most important people in his life in the span of two days

"it was a misunderstanding" loraine admitted shamefully. "i was just throwing something out the window, not myself"

"jacob wells said it was super close" meeks added

loraine send meeks a reproachful look. "meeks" she hissed

"but what do i know?" meeks shrugged, quickly paddling back

"you knew about this?" charlie asked meeks "why didn't you tell me?"

"well" said knox "you weren't really in the state for that yesterday"

"what does that mean?"

"he was incredibly drunk" knox answered  loraine's question before charlie could stop him

"what?" loraine said loudly "you could've gotten yourself thrown out, you idiot!"

"yeah and you almost fell out of a window, so what's new?" charlie said back

"i was safe, knox visited me, probably right after he sobered you up enough"

"so knox can visit you, but i can't?"

"knox wasn't drunk, you goddamn idiot" loraine crossed her arms "and he also just came to check on me after he heard about the window thing"

"so you knew too?" charlie turned to look at knox, who was searching for words. "did all of you know?" the group adverted their eyes, all except for todd, who shook his head. "maybe next time, one of you tells me when my girlfriend tries to kill herself after my best friend did, huh?"

"woah" knox raised his arms to calm charlie down, but he didn't have to, charlie realized that he had gone too far.

"sorry" charlie muttered and took loraine's hand "i shouldn't have said that. i'm just glad you're alright, i'm sorry"

"i'm sorry too" loraine nodded and softly rubbed the tear away from charlie's cheek.

the friends sat down, loraine on charlie's lap and charlie lightened a cigarette. loraine didn't even care about the smell of smoke lacing onto her clothes, she wasn't sure if she cared about anything of that sort anymore. she took the cigarette out of charlie's mouth and put it between her lips, she breathed in the smoke, before she held it in todd's direction. charlie rubbed her arm, knowing that she normally would've never taken a drag.

"you told him about this meeting?" charlie asked, after another twenty minutes had passed and cameron still hadn't shown up.

"twice" meeks nodded

"that's it guys, we're all fried" charlie shrugged taking out another cigarette.

"how do you mean?" pitts asked

"cameron was pretty angry after you got drunk yesterday" knox said

charlie pointed in his direction as if that was proof enough "cameron's a fink. he's in nolan's office right now, finking"

"about what?" pitts asked and loraine loudly groaned at his obliviousness

"the club, pittsie, think about it. the board of directors, the trustees and mr nolan. do you think for one moment, they're gonna let this thing just blow over? schools go down because of things like this. they need a scapegoat" he took a drag from the cigarette, before the door squeaked open, making them all react quickly.

the light flicked on and cameron stepped around the corner. "what's going on guys?"

charlie and loraine stood up at the same time. "you finked, didn't you, cameron?" charlie asked

"finked? i don't know what you're talking about"

"you told everything about the club is what i'm talking about" charlie said unimpressed

"look, in case you hadn't heard, dalton" cameron pointed his finger at charlie accusingly "there's something called an honour code at this school, all right? if a teacher asks you a question, you tell the truth or you're expelled"

charlie dashed forward "you little punk" but the boys were able to hold him back. loraine stepped between charlie and cameron

"he's a rat! he's in it up to his eyes. so he ratted so save himself!" charlie screamed angrily

"don't touch him, charlie" knox held onto his blazer. you do and you're out"

"i'm out anyway" charlie argued

"you don't know that" knox shook his head "not yet"

"he's right there, charlie" cameron raised his finger once again "and if you guys are smart, you will do exactly what i did and cooperate. they're not after us, we're the victims" he paused, before he added "us and neil"

"what's that mean? who are they after?" charlie asked

"why, mr keating, of course. the 'captain' himself" cameron bellowed "i mean, you guys didn't really think he could avoid responsibility, did you?"

"mr keating responsible for neil?" charlie asked in disbelief "is that what they're saying?"

"well, who else do you think, dumbass? tha administration? mr perry? mr keating put us up to all this crap didn't he? if it wasn't for mr keating, neil would be cozied up in his room right now studying his chemistry and dreaming of being—"

"that is not true, cameron, you know that" todd screamed, interrupting the boy "he didn't put us up to anything. neil loved acting"

"believe what you want, but i say, let keating fry. i mean, why ruin our lives?"

"you could've just lied" loraine said softly, not understanding why cameron was doing all this

"like you do?" cameron asked

"what?" loraine said surprised at his sudden anger at her

"you're lying to your father and your headmaster because of a boy?" cameron pointed in charlie's direction "why are you throwing your future away, lori?"

"what?" loraine repeated "there's a difference between lying and just not telling someone things"

"listen closely!" cameron grinned "the expert is speaking"

"leave her alone" knox tried to step in

"i should've just shown your father the letters and not given them harry, but i tried to help you. i gave you a chance to admit the truth and you blew it"

"what?" loraine said once again. but this time it was weak and just a faint whisper

"i just wanted to help you" cameron repeated, but loraine ignored him

"you took the letters?" she asked "and you made harry spread that rumor?" she asked betrayed. as if anything he had said right now wasn't already enough

"charlie will ruin your life" cameron said

"he won't" loraine shook her head, tears streaming down her face "but you just ruined mr keating's, how can you call me a liar? when you just lied worse than i have ever done? you didn't help anyone by ruining my reputation!"

cameron scoffed, not faced by her accusation. "there is no reputation to ruin if everything is the truth!"

"it was in no way your right to spread any rumor, doesn't matter if lie or truth" todd said defensively

"well i wouldn't have anything to spread if you hadn't acted like a whore"

the group gasped and loraine knew that that was the tipping point, she had tried to hold charlie back, he was dying to slap cameron the moment he first accused mr keating, but this was one too much.

charlie ran forward and hit cameron so hard that he flew back and took down a few things.

"you don't call her that!" he screamed

"charlie" loraine sighed, as she watched cameron smear the blood from under his nose away.

"you just signed your expulsion papers, nuwanda!"

charlie walked to the back of the room and loraine followed him, staying close and holding onto his arm.

"and if the rest of you are smart, you'll do exactly what i did. they know everything anyway" cameron said "especially you loraine" she ignored him

"you can't save keating" he added "but you can save yourselves" and with that he left the room and closed the door behind him.

A/N

we ain't angry at you, love. you're the greatest thing we lost.

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