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DRESS
(( — DEAD POETS SOCIETY — ))

—chapter ix: of friendship and broken hearts

"can you let me in?" the voice was muffled, drenched out by the door. loraine looked up from her homework

"charlie?" she asked

"ray?" charlie repeated sarcastically

she got up and opened the door, dragging him in quickly before she closed it again. "it's a bit soon, isn't it?"

"that's not why i'm here"

"oh" loraine shrugged "sorry, i guess"

there was a pause in which none of them muttered a word.

"are you alright?" loraine stepped closer to the boy, attempting to feel the heat of his forehead with her hand "you seem nervous. are you sick?"

"what? no!" charlie pushed her hand away annoyed. "would you listen to me for once? and stop playing my mother?"

loraine narrowed her eyes, while she crossed her arms. "what did you just say to me, charles?"

charlie gulped, shaking his head. "i'm sorry, that's not— not what i meant"

"then what do you mean? why do you come in here, seemingly angry at me, when you were fine an hour ago?"

"nothing is fine" charlie breathed and loraine raised her eyebrows. "our friendship, it's not how it used to be. i've been thinking about what knox said to me this morning"

"what did he say?"

"he said that he wishes to have a relationship like we do one day"

"what's bad about that?" loraine asked confused "that sounds like a compliment"

"all of them say things like that"

"huh?"

"i mean all of our friends say we have the perfect relationship and that we're in love with each other or something, but it's not real"

"what do you mean? you're my best friend"

"to me you're more than that"

there was silence once again. loraine and charlie looked at each other and none of them dared to say something. loraine was unsure what answer he wanted to hear. when she thought of the people that were most important to her, charlie was one of the first that came to mind. and he was her best friend.. but more?

charlie spoke again first. "why do you look so surprised?" he asked and loraine had rarely seen him so serious. "i did make it obvious, didn't i?" he smiled

loraine frowned. "i thought you were joking... i thought we were joking"

the smiled vanished from charlie's face. "what?" his voice was nearly a whisper

"we're just close, aren't we?"

"that's what you truly think?"

"yes" she breathed "charlie, what is happening suddenly? i thought we were fine, why wouldn't you say something if we weren't?"

"i'm saying something right now" 

"i thought we were good. everything was great. where is all of this coming from?"

"i'm not happy, loraine"

"loraine, huh?" she had tears in her eyes "what do you want me to do, charlie? i can't say more than the truth"

"i don't know, okay?" charlie's eyes glistened, as he noticed the first tear make its way over loraine's cheek "i just— i think i need space"

"why does it feel like you're breaking up with me even though we aren't even together?"

"i'm not and that's the problem" charlie said "this whole thing between us, it's just gotten too much. the line that we used to cross is gone and it's exhausting"

"why can't everything just stay normal?"

"there is no normal if we can't even agree on the nature of our relationship" he said calmly. she knew it was over, he was already set on his decision.

"i love you charlie, just.."

"just not enough" he finished "it's not a big deal, loraine. i get it, i just i—" he walked to the door

"charlie, please" loraine tried to grab his arm.

"i'm sorry"

he left her standing alone in the room. loraine's heart felt like it had just shattered. her mouth wide open, she couldn't even grasp what had just happened. but everything hurt. her whole body, her head, her eyes and mostly her heart. it ached so deeply for charlie, that she wasn't sure how she hadn't noticed it before. but now it was too late. he wanted space and it was her fault.

she walked into the bathroom, soaking her face in water in the hopes of calming down, but nothing worked.

she grabbed her cardigan, quickly pulling it over her dress, before she left the room.

her knock on the door was frantic, hoping to be saved from the hallway as fast as possible.

"lori" neil said surprised when he opened the door. then he noticed her face. "what happened?"

loraine couldn't even get a word out. she just hugged his waste, while she cried. neil's eyes softened, while he looked down on her. he gently dragged her into the room, so he could close the door.

"lori" todd was clearly worried. he of course didn't know the girl as well as neil did, but he liked her and she had always been happy when he saw her.

"sorry" loraine shook her head "i didn't know where else to go"

"it's fine" todd smiled a little

"where's charlie?" asked neil worriedly "did something happen to him?"

"no" loraine shook her head, tears making her unable to speak once again. "we—we had a fight, a horrible one" she looked up at neil "i think we're not friends anymore"

neil looked at todd. both of them confused by the situation. "what do you mean?" neil laughed in disbelief "you and charlie not friends anymore? never!"

"it's true" loraine sat down on the bed "he said that he needs space"

"from you?" todd couldn't hold back his disbelief "you're basically married"

in remembrance of the nature of their relationship, loraine started crying once again.

"what did i say?" todd exclaimed scared, as loraine was shaking and sobbing. neil just shook his head at him, assuring him that he didn't say anything wrong.

"maybe i can get you some tea and chocolate if you want to rather stay here tonight"

"thank you, but i'll go" loraine assured "it's my fault and i have to live with that"

"what did he say exactly?" todd muttered "if you want to share"

"he said that our relationship was exhausting, i told him that he was my best friend and that i loved him, but that's not enough for him" loraine admitted

"he told you that he wanted to be more than friends?" todd and neil exchanged a look

"i guess" loraine shrugged "he said that i was more to him than just a best friend.. and i told him that i thought we had been joking when we acted like we did"

"you said what?" neil and todd asked at the same time

"i lied okay?" loraine cried "that's not what i thought and it's not what i want"

"then why didn't you just tell him that you love him?" neil sat down on the bed in frustration "it's so obvious, lori"

"i panicked a—and i wasn't ready, totally unprepared"

"that's a weak apology" todd said

"and you can't plan these things" neil caressed her hair "it just happens"

"but now already?"

"already?" neil almost looked offended at that "you've been acting like that since we were kids, i think it's been long enough"

"but what if i'm wrong about my feelings? what if i suddenly don't feel like that anymore? and i ruin our friendship for nothing or hurt him even worse"

"you won't, you just have to believe me on that, okay?" neil said calmly "i know you both better than anyone and i tell you right now that you won't regret telling him the truth. it might not always be easy, but it will be worth it, i promise"

todd noticed how loraine turned her head to look at neil. and what he saw was one of the most platonic love looks he had ever seen. loraine looked at neil in a way that you could read from her face how glad she was for him.

even if todd didn't know loraine and charlie as well as the rest of the group did, he had noticed her looking at him, and that look at neil was nothing compared with her looking at charlie. not in the way that she loved one more than the other, but just because they were so vastly different.

the look she would give charlie could almost burst from all the love and amazement she put into it. todd loved the way they looked at each other. those silent glances were the first thing he had noticed about them. he loved how you could see that they were each others favorite thing.

they saw each others potential and best versions, their mistakes and who they truly were. it was a mystery to him how loraine could ever question her feelings for charlie when they shared the purest love todd had ever witnessed.

"i think you should tell him the truth" todd spoke up for the first time in a while, interrupting a conversation he had not listened to. "you belong to each other"

loraine smiled, her eyes catching the card laying on the desk beside todd. she frowned, until her features grew into a soft smile.

then she laid her head to the side and todd could've sworn she was giving him a similar look as neil before. "happy birthday, todd" loraine muttered gently and todd knew he would never stop loving her.

A/N
i literally love all the other characters (like todd or mr keating) commenting on the relationship between charlie and loraine ahhh!!
the are truly the most lover lovers that ever existed haha
off topic but i love the ending with todd and loraine, they're somewhat the same person constellation wise!! 🤔

ps: i hate the fight!! not because i don't want them to fight but because it just feels so out of character ughhh i just couldn't get it right, sorryyyy!! but we needed the drama to get the love i promise!! also the next chapter won't be long! it's actually already finished, get ready for a bit more fighting but also so so so much love!!!! ❤️

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