CHAPTER TWELVE:
I CAN'T REMEMBER

     "THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING that you can do for her."

     "We're trying everything we can―︎"

     "Try harder! She can't keep living this double life. It's going to kill her. The more blood on her hands that she gets. . . she looks so hopeless every time we tell her the body count. I want to be able to look at her once and tell her that she didn't kill anyone whilst under the control of that thing."

     "Natasha, breathe. We'll figure something out, alright? But the alien said it correct―︎we can't kill it without killing Willow, vice versa. We have to be patient on this. In the meantime we just have to keep an eye on her." There was a pause. "Bruce and I are doing everything that we can to help her."

     "Do better."

Willow swallowed thickly, trying to bring moisture back to her mouth that was so incredibly dry it hurt to move her lips. She was trying so hard to open her eyes, but waves of sleep kept rolling over her and it made her realize she was under sedation. She tried to move her hand but her whole body was paralyzed―︎it was like sleep paralysis, that moment when you realize you can't move and it makes you panic. She took panicked breaths, trying everything in her power to move and making small whines of fear leave her lips.

     Footsteps were quick to run over to her, she could feel hands on her arm before a slight pain vibrated through her arm. The feeling of drowsiness ran its cycle through her body, and she was prepared to fall back asleep when a hand was placed on her shoulder and a soft voice called out to her. "Willow?"

     Willow struggled to open her mouth, blinking slowly and squinting at the bright lights. She caught a glimpse of red hair hovering over her. She went to wet her lips, but her tongue was as dry as the desert and she was dying for a glass of water. She inhaled, struggling to move before realizing she was probably restrained. She tried to clear her brain that was full of mush before managing to muster up some words. Well, one word to be exact. A name. One that she loved to hear roll from her lips. "Natasha?"

     Natasha stared down the woman, sweat covering the brunette's face. Natasha brushed back the hair that had stuck to her skin, a small smile of relief pulling at her lips when she heard Willow speak her name. "Yeah. It's me." Natasha watched her for a moment before looking towards the chair that had a water set. Natasha stood up, pouring a glass of water for Willow before walking back over to her.

     She helped her sit up as much as she could, watching as she drank the water desperately. "Whoa, slow down. We don't want you to choke." She sat the glass aside as Willow leaned back on her pillow.

     Willow didn't speak for a few moments, staring at Natasha as she tried to decide if she wanted to ask what she always regretted asking. She closed her eyes, not wanting to see Natasha's face when she asked the question. "What did I do?" She was regretting the answer to the question. She always did. And yet she always asked the same question every time an incident happened and the responses only got worse and worse the more that she asked it.

     Natasha stared at her before shaking her head. "Nothing. You did nothing. I managed to get control of the situation before it got too out of hand."

     "Is that why they've got restraints on me?" Willow bit. "Because you controlled the situation?" She violently jerked in her restraints and Natasha had to keep herself from jumping. "I'm a monster Natasha. And the only way to get rid of the monster is to get rid of me. So let them kill me. Please."

     "No." Natasha shook her head, swallowing thickly. "I won't let you give up. We'll figure something out, okay? Will someone get these off of her?!"

     "No we won't." Willow shook her head and the pain in her voice made Natasha's heart ache. "There are things that you don't understand, Natasha. Things about me that are seriously fucked up."

     Natasha narrowed her eyes, disbelief crawling onto her face as the memories of who she used to be flashed before her eyes. "What? And you don't think there's things fucked up about me as well? I hate to burst your bubble but you better think again." There was a silence that lingered over them, watching as one of the agents came in, cautiously removing the restraints from Willow before walking away. Willow sat up, clenching her jaw for a moment as she rubbed her wrists that were sore from having been encased in metal for hours.

She was focused on her wrists, feeling Natasha's gaze as she patiently waited for Willow to say the words that were on her mind. The words she'd always wanted to tell, but had no one to tell them to. So why did she feel comfortable sharing them with Natasha? She barely knew the woman and yet she felt like she could trust Natasha with her whole life story. She licked her lips, swallowing thickly as she finally looked away in order to look at Natasha.

     She shook her head. "You know, I can't remember what happened to me. How I became this. . . this monster. All I remember is one second I was in my parents lab, the next I was in an alley with their blood covering my hands. I was so young. . . I could barely speak. Yet, the alien in me could talk eight different languages and knew how to commit murder without getting caught. It's gotten careless over the years―︎bloodthirsty. And I have no way to control it." She felt tears fill her eyes as she tried to keep her lip from quivering. "I'm scared that if I don't control it soon, it's going to become stronger than me and take me over."

     "I won't let that happen."

     "Natasha―︎"

     "I promise." She reached forwards, placing a hand over top of Willow's. "I'm not going to let that thing take over you. I don't care what I have to do."

     "Don't make promises you know in your heart that you can't keep."

     Natasha smiled sadly at her. "Usually I don't. But, I guess I'll just have to make an exception." She stood up and held out her hand. "Come on. You need something to eat." With one last hesitant look, Willow grabbed her hand and allowed her to pull her from the hospital bed and towards the doors of the facility's cafeteria