Inenarratus

Unsolved

Saturday 14th of September, 7:00 AM Jungkook's room in Evanthe.

Jungkook's only alarm on his phone went off.

As if an electric current had shocked him awake, Jungkook sat up, letting the blankets and another person's arm fall from around his midriff.

...wait a second... another person's arm???

He looked beside him... at the fucker that at some moment in the night slithered under his blankets.

- Mmmm, could you turn that off? It's the crack of dawn. - Tom groaned in a deep morning voice, eyes closed, as he tried to pull the covers up again.

Jungkook gritted his teeth, got up from his bed, and pulled at the covers so hard that Tom rolled over and fell from to the feet of his drawing table.

- Is this how you treat your friends? - Tom asked loudly from the floor, unseeing to Jungkook's eyes. Making Jungkook chuckle with malice.

His alarm was still going off so he hurriedly went to his bag beside the drawing table, pulled it out, and turned it off at last. He was about to stand up and turn to interrogate Tom, when the latter jumped and tackled him onto the floor, putting him flat on his back while he hovered over him.

Immediately, Jungkook crossed his arms over his face, heart hammering in his chest, unpleasantly.

- What the fuck is up with you? - He asked a chuckling Tom.

- Is this how you treat your knight in shining armor? -

- I don't know what kind of sick dream you had last night, but I do not consider you that. -

- Are you sure? You were hugging me very tightly. -

Jungkook's face heated up as his breath got cut in his throat and an outraged expression was placed on his face. Because he remembered having dreamt of hugging Taehyung.

This fucker.

- Why did you decide to just get in my bed without my permission? - In his outrage, he pulled down his arms to look at him severely. And he regretted it the moment he looked into those heartfelt eyes.

That just made him feel more uncomfortable.

- You were having a nightmare. - Tom said simply, softly, and with a shrug. - I went there to calm you down, and, in your sleep, you wouldn't let me go. - Again, simply. even sweetly.

Jungkook looked away, arms over his head once more. He remembers extremely dimly that he wouldn't let go only because he thought it was Taehyung.

- You do know it wasn't because I thought it was you. - He said quietly.

- Just as well. - Tom replied happily.

The worst part was that Jungkook felt terrible for this whole situation, because his night had been way better after he felt much safer, and he felt disappointed it had been Tom who helped, so he felt like he'd used him in some way as well as he felt used by him because he took advantage of his vulnerability, and he himself took advantage of his feelings.

- I know you thought I was him, don't worry. I'm glad with what I was given. -

- You weren't given anything. - Jungkook frowned, still looking to the side with his arms crossed over his head.

- I was able to protect you. That's all I've been wanting to do since we met. -

That just makes matters even more difficult.

- You know you're making me uncomfortable, right? -

Tom chuckled.

- ...tom. -

Jungkook and Tom turned their heads the other way and saw Jimin sitting on his own bed, looking at Tom... not with a frown, just... concern?

- ...don't. -

That was astonishing because he could've just shaken his head if he wanted to say something like that. This must be serious. However, Tom wasn't taking it as such, it was obvious in the way he leaned back and sat down on Jungkook's lap like it was nothing, making Jungkook want to scratch at his skin at how wrong this was.

- We're just playing around, Jiminy. -

Jungkook tried to take a deep stabilizing breath.

- No...we're...not... Get off me... right now. - He was about to lose it. But Tom just placed his hands on Jungkook's stomach, still sitting on his lap extremely inappropriately.

- Come on, Kooky, don't take this seriously, you should be accustomed to a man touching you by now, shouldn't you? -

He could hear the grin. He was on his limit, the only reason why he still kept his cool was that he didn't want to scare Jimin by punching this guy to a pulp.

- ...tom. -

- You should listen to Jimin, you fucker. - For Jimin had just tried again to make him stop because he knows this is wrong, and Jungkook knows it's wrong and he's sure Tom knows it as well. The only difference is that the latter doesn't care in the slightest. And it was obvious he cared even less than nothing when he laughed and laid down over Jungkook, forehead to his neck, chest to chest, and hands still on his stomach.

- ...tom. -

- Get off, or I'll scare off Jimin with what I'm about to do. - His voice sounded calm, deadly calm. And Tom was suicidal.

- Really? - He chuckled, his voice a fucking purr on Jungkook's neck. - I doubt it, I'm sure I can stop you. I'm stronger than you. - Tom said in a near whisper, delighted with this whole awful situation.

- Wanna bet? - Jungkook warned with greeted teeth, feeling sick with the sensation of Tom laying over him, feeling sick with just how much he could feel of him, feeling sick with the warmth, the touch, and the gentleness of his movements; feeling sick that the person touching him wasn't Taehyung.

- Look, little bunny, I can bite your neck right here... and you won't be able to move for a while. Do you really think I'm not an expert in cervical nerves when the first threat I ever made to you was a bite on the neck? Do you really think I haven't done it before to anybody else? Do you really think... these fangs are natural? I made them that way. Still wanna bet? -

...Very well... Jungkook is terrified now... He has a psychopath happily lying over him, maybe it would be better not to disturb it. Jungkook swallowed and breathed as imperceptibly as he could.

- Have you ever... bitten Jimin? -

- Yes. - Jungkook's breath hitched in his throat. - But only because he asked me to. - No, that can't be true, why would he? - You're wondering how that could be, aren't you? - Jungkook closed his eyes for a moment. - I admit the first time, he didn't ask me to, I did it because I thought it would be best. As I've told you, depending on where I bite and how hard I do it, you could either feel physically numb or be altogether paralyzed from the neck down, always for a while. He needed that sometimes. -

- He needed... to be paralyzed...? - Jungkook asked, disbelieving and concerned for Jimin.

- He needed to be rid of the pain. If you're paralyzed, you can't feel anything. -

...oh.

- ...tom. - They both turned to look. Jimin was standing beside them.

Looking at him from this angle, laying down on the floor, Jungkook was able to see a fraction of his bare ankles, and in there he could see scars.

Jimin knelt beside them. He looked down at Jungkook apologetically and tapped Tom's shoulder with a finger.

- No. - Tom answered, and Jungkook felt as if he was pressing himself ever harder against him. Jimin sighed and placed his whole palm gently over his shoulder. Tom sighed this time, sounding defeated. - I don't want to. - He said under his breath, nearly pleading. Jungkook didn't know what to make of this in the slightest. When Tom talked to him. - Could you... hug me? - Oh no, no no no no, he's heard that before, he's said that.

- No, I can't. You know I can't. - He's trying to make his voice as calm as possible thinking that maybe if he treats him gently, he'll let go.

- He's not here. - Tom whispered a plea once more. Jimin shook his head disapprovingly, retreating his hand.

Jungkook took in a tense breath.

- Do you really think I'm that kind of person? -

Tom sighed.

- No, don't think you are, I just... - He positioned himself differently. Even worse than before, tighter than before, his mouth dangerously close to his neck. A warning? A reminder? Coincidence? No idea, but whatever it was, Jungkook was paralyzed by just the thought of it. - I like this. - Tom said like it was the whole explanation for his actions.

Jungkook had to admit that he understood the feeling of not wanting to stop when it felt good. However, he did not feel good right now.

- You can hug Jimin. - He tried to take the easier route again.

- I know. -

But it didn't work. Alright then...

- It doesn't matter what I say or how I feel, you still won't get off if you don't want to. -

- Pretty much, yeah. -

- Very well. Jimin, I'm going to use force. - While Tom chuckled darkly, Jimin's eyes widened and he ran back to his bed to hide under the covers.

- What're you gonna do, big guy? - He chuckled, sounding amused.

Jungkook uncrossed his arms from his face slowly and thought of how best to do this because he was pressing him to the floor so there was little to no room for good movement to attack. Jungkook sighed. There was no other way, he'll have to do it.

With a great, deep breath, he put his arms around Tom and turned so he would be on top. Once that happened, he let go of the breath he was holding and let go of him. But, before he could finally stand up, Tom had grabbed the back of his head with both hands, rendering him without hands because he had to use them to stop himself from falling headfirst against Tom's face.

Jungkook greeted his teeth.

- Are you kidding me? Let go. -

Tom's face wasn't playful anymore, he wasn't grinning, he looked regretful as he stared up at Jungkook.

- Promise me something. -

- What? - Jungkook asked with a frown, at this point he'd do nearly anything to get him off himself.

- Promise me that you won't be angry with me. -

Jungkook's frown deepened.

- What? -

- Promise me that, if I let go of you, you won't hate me. - His mood changes are too fast for Jungkook to keep up. Tom looked pleading now like he was genuinely afraid Jungkook would hate him for this and won't let him get close anymore. But if that was the case, it wouldn't matter if Jungkook hated him, he didn't want him to get close.

- Tom, I can't promise you something like that when I have absolutely no idea what you could come up with. -

- You can promise it. You can promise me you won't hate me even if you're angry with me, that's it, that's all I want. Just say out loud "I will never hate you" and that's it. -

- Why do you need me to say that so desperately? -

Tom didn't answer right away.

- Just do it and I'll let go of your neck. -

Oh, so that's it. He will use the promise as permission to be as clingy as he wants. Sure he'll let go of his neck now, and what about later?

- I'll do it only if you promise me something. - Tom frowned in confusion. - Promise me you won't touch me without my consent, and that includes every and any kind of touch, it doesn't matter if I'm not letting go of you in my sleep, if I'm not conscious or in any condition to give you a proper answer, you won't do anything. - He remembers now better than ever that a few nights ago Tom had kissed him on the forehead when he was about to pass out from exhaustion. Now he knows it was Tom who did it, not a dream.

Tom thought that one over, it was obvious in the way his features hardened that he didn't want to accept it.

- If you want then we stay here on the floor until Leo throws you out of the window. Although, I guess that will hurt Jimin, right? - That was a low blow and he intended it as such, so when Tom's eyes turned murderous, he grinned. He just made him choose between being selfish or doing the right thing.

- Fine. I promise you I won't kiss you to sleep again without your consent. -

- That's not even half of the promise. -

- Is as best as I can do. - Tom shrugged, looking like that was enough of a pain what he was giving away.

Jungkook sighed.

- Tom, you do know I'm never going to be what you want me to be. -

- At least I can pretend, can't I. - He grinned.

Jungkook looked away.

- You have Jimin to hug you, it's not like you're completely alone. - Then he remembered something. - And your father hugs you as well, doesn't he? - He asked as he looked back at Tom, whose smile disappeared.

- You know my dad? -

- No, I heard you on our first day. You asked if you could hug him goodbye, and it was in the middle of a crowded place, so of course, he said no. -

Tom let out a chuckle.

- You are so perceptive, aren't you? Yes, I have people to hug. But that's not what I want. -

- You could've saved that last part. - Jungkook said under his breath, uncomfortable as he looked away again.

Someone tried to turn the knob. And the three of them -Jimin sitting up on the bed- looked at the door. No one was moving, not even to breathe.

- Huh? It's closed. Hey, open up! -

- Leo, shhh, it's Saturday, they could still be sleeping. -

- I doubt that. Jungkook's a morning person. Hey– Stop it, Finn. -

- We'll see them at nine, let him rest, he had a rough night. Come on, move. -

- I won't– cut it out. Jungkook! -

- One second! - Jungkook bellowed to the door and then looked back down. - Let me go, right now. - He whispered menacingly to Tom. Then his concentration was averted by the laughter on the other side. Leo... was laughing...? - Hey, let go of me, I think he's going crazy. -

Tom chuckled.

- Promise me, and I will. -

- Oh for fucks sake, fine, now let go. - Tom let go of him very happy indeed, and Jungkook finally got up and headed over to the door, regretting what he had just said at once because only when he was standing did he realize that he had just promised Tom that, no matter what he did or said, he will never hate him.

He groaned and slapped a hand over his face before he took the doorknob. And, once he opened it, he froze at the sight.

Leo and Finn were nearly pissing themselves with silent laughter. He could actually see tears in their eyes, Finn had his back against the wall of the corridor to support himself, a hand over his mouth while the other was around his middle, and Leo had a hand on the window at the other side of the corridor paralleled to Finn, supporting himself while having a fist against his mouth, hunched over as he laughed.

- ...what happened? - Jungkook asked with an incredulous smile on his face. Leo turned around to look at him.

- Nothing. - Then he turned to look at Finn. - Nothing happened here. - He exaggerated every word to make it clear that they wouldn't talk about it.

Finn nodded and tried to compose himself.

- Yeah, just... nothing. - He said, standing up straight.

Ok... that's weird. But considering he won't tell Leo what just happened inside his room, he guesses they're even. He leaned against the door frame, trying to make nonchalant the fact that he wasn't letting them see inside.

- So, what's with the rush, Emily told me we would see at nine. - Finn looked over at Leo with a face that said plainly "I told you so", and Leo looked back at him with one that said, "Piss off". It was very interesting seeing this unspoken exchange between two people who've met each other in just a week. What a coincidence that would be.

- Yes, that was the plan. - Finn said, still looking at Leo with a jokingly stern expression, and then turned to look at Jungkook. - We apologize if we woke you, I'm sure you needed the rest, we'll be going now. - He said apologetically.

- Speak for yourself. - Said Leo and then stepped towards Jungkook. - My roommate woke me, very rudely, and told me to get out as fast as I could because he was having a meeting right there at seven. I swear I don't even think that dude sleeps. -

- Maybe it's the vegetable juice. - Said Finn with a grimace at the floor.

- Maybe the light of the many screens had made him immortal somehow. - Said Leo, frowning at the ceiling.

- Maybe he's a morning person who had a meeting and forgot to tell you about it the night before because you were here in my room till past midnight. - Said Jungkook to the both of them, and they looked at him as they nodded, like they couldn't come up with that on their own. - I can't believe you two are supposed to be lawyers. - Jungkook chuckled. And something fell inside his room, making him swallow.

- Oh, is Jimin up as well? - Finn said, with a grimace again, feeling bad for having woken them so early.

If only they knew...

- I just noticed. - Leo said, pointing casually at Jungkook leaning on the doorframe. - Why haven't you let us through? - Jungkook chuckled nervously. Since he met Taehyung, he'd had certain moments where it was like he forgot he was a flawless liar and just does things like letting his nervousness show through.

- Whaaat? It's not that I haven't-- I mean I'm here, obviously, but I'm not stopping you from–... you know? - And he chuckled again, so obviously nervous that he cringed at himself. At this, the two lawyers-in-the-making scrutinized him with their eyes, and Leo started to grin hugely.

- Is she here? - Jungkook stopped himself in time before he said "Who?". Her, her, the girl he was supposed to be having something "secret" with. Oh, if only they knew, Leo wouldn't be laughing. Jungkook cleared his throat and beckoned Finn forward to him. - It is her, isn't it? - Leo asked again while Finn stepped forward, a confused look on his face. Jungkook beckoned him even closer to tell him something to the ear, and very cautiously, Finn got closer but stopped at a distance.

- Leo will get angry. - He whispered to him. Finn flinched and put a hand over his ear as he looked at Jungkook surprisingly, for then to look over his shoulder inside the room. His eyes widened and the grin faded away as understanding dawned on him. The understanding that Leo shouldn't know who was in the room at this hour, with the same clothes as last night, possibly laying on Jungkook's unmade bed because that would be so much like him. And while Jungkook was praying that Finn wouldn't think he was a weird one, he nodded and turned to Leo, letting his hand drop from his ear.

- So... - Leo was waiting for them to say something.

- ...Let's go have breakfast. - Finn said, simply, putting his hands in the pockets of his sweatshirt. Leo chuckled in disbelief.

- You have to be kidding me, I'm not going anywhere, why did you let him see and not me, huh? - He rounded on Jungkook.

- My room, my rules. Now off you go and I'll meet you at nine here. - Jungkook said as he stepped inside his room.

- Wait a--... - He closed the door in his face and heard a chuckle on the other side. - Well, I'm still not going anywhere. - Jungkook locked it with an audible click, and the laughter from the other side intensified. - Fuck you. We'll see you later. - Farewell Leo and then went away with Finn's laughter trailing him.

After he finished hearing them leaving, Jungkook turned around and stopped with a bored expression on his face. Tom was laying on his bed, ankles crossed, one of his writing notebooks in his hands as another one laid fallen on the floor.

- Who permitted you to go through my stuff? - Jungkook asked rhetorically as he neared him and took the notebook from his hands. A notebook he hasn't even shown the contents to his friends.

Tom said nothing as Jungkook leaned over his head to place the notebook back on the bookshelf.

- Your writing is quite nice. - Tom said softly and Jungkook pulled away once he was done. Intent on ignoring him, he turned around to round the bed and head to his chest of drawers. - I think there are more than twenty notebooks filled to the brim with your writing, aren't there? - Jungkook took a deep breath as he opened the first drawer. - ...and your secret drawings are wonderful. - He said under his breath.

Jungkook froze.

No, Tom wouldn't have--... Those drawings were under his mattress! Jungkook turned around and hastily went towards a slightly grinning Tom to lean over him and grab the neck of his shirt in his fists.

- You're a fucking creep and a stalker, how dare you rummage thru my things. - He said in a loathsome low voice. Tom slowly lifted his hands and grabbed his wrists, his face calm as an amused little grin lifted the corners of his mouth. He leaned up a little, to be closer to Jungkook, and whispered for only him to hear while Jimin took some clothes from his chest of drawers.

- I was just making sure you didn't have a weapon hiding anywhere. - Jungkook screwed up his face in total disbelief and confusion until he spoke again. - It was for Jimin. He would've never asked me to or do it himself of course, but I knew that he wouldn't be able to sleep until he was sure you weren't dangerous, and I didn't want that for him. I knew you weren't dangerous, I was just doing it for his peace of mind, you understand that, right? It was just as we both did last night, give him some peace of mind so he could sleep. - He finished softly and calmly.

Jungkook frowned, worried. Not knowing whether to believe him.

- What happened to him? Why... is he... - His voice trailed away as he saw that little grin disappearing from Tom's face, and a frown appeared on his own face.

- I would like to know what happened to you. - Jungkook let go of him and stepped back from the bed.

Of course, he had read his notebooks. But which ones? What had he read?

- Which notebooks have you read? - He demanded in a low voice, panic rising to his chest at the sudden reminder of why it was that he had never shown them to his friends. His breathing quickened as his body tensed, Tom slowly sat up and placed his feet on the floor. By the corner of his eye, he could see Jimin facing them but otherwise frozen with his clothes tight to his chest.

- "Number 17" I think. I just grabbed one at random. - Jungkook's breathing stopped as he begged his mind to remember what exactly he had written there, but he couldn't remember because he promised himself that he would never read over what he wrote. What a stupid promise that was now. - Hey, I just read some poems here and there, nothing else. - Tom looked worried now as he stood up and neared him.

- Get away from me. - Jungkook took a step back. He was trying to breathe properly because he knew an undeniable fact about that notebook in particular. - There are no poems on that one. - Tom had stayed still where he was. Jungkook gritted his teeth. - You haven't only read that one, have you? - Tom's stare slowly fell to the floor as he swallowed. - You might've had a good reason to check through my stuff but had none to sit down and read what I've written or see what I've painted. - He took a step near him again, tension making him uncomfortable in a way that made him angry.

- You beg for people to promise you that they'll never hate you because you know you're going to do stupid that will make them leave. And you say you're going to teach me how to be tough? No, first you're going to learn some manners and some human decency because it's not only the fact that you threaten to get what you want or go thru other people's belongings when they interest you, you care more about playing the cool guy than your one and only friend whom, if you haven't noticed, had had to hide under his bed or a corner of the room because your stupid actions scared him to the point of anxiety. So I'm going to tell you this right now, you stay away from me and my stuff or I'll be the one doing something really reckless to get you away from me. -

With that being said, he turned around and grabbed the clothes he had left over his chest of drawers, and took a step toward the bathroom. Then he heard a tiny little gasp coming from Jimin and then felt Tom hugging him tightly from behind, arms around his middle and forehead to his shoulder.

Jungkook saw red.

- Get off me. - His voice boomed around the room and he left his clothes back where they were to claw at Tom's arms.

- I'm sorry. -

Was this guy for real? Jungkook was going to punch him again.

- Get off me, now. -

- I didn't mean to get you angry. -

- You liar. You motherfucking wanker, I'm going to kick you in the balls if you don't let me go. -

- I just couldn't resist, your writing is amazing, -

- I swear if you don't shut up... -

- ...and your paintings are wonderful, I loved every single one of them. - His voice was so sweet. Jungkook hated him, he hated him, he did. He hit his ribs with his elbow, but it did nothing to Tom. - I genuinely never stopped to think you would ever get this angry, I swear. - Another elbow to the ribs. - I was just thinking of how everything you do is beautiful. - Another punch, this time with more anguish than the last ones. - Everything you do, everything you are is so beautiful I just get drawn to you. - Jungkook frowned in agony as he grabbed Tom's wrists and tried to pull him off. - I can't live without your beauty. Please, don't hate me. You're the first person I've ever met--... - An elbow to the ribs. - The first person I've ever met that creates such beautiful masterpieces, and I--... - Another punch. - And I can't-- I don't want to live without your art. You're the first person I've ever felt so connected with--

- We're not connected in anything! Let go! Let go! We're nothing, Tom, and we'll never be! - He tried to move and move, to force him away, but he only tightened his hold as he straightened his head and his lips were right beside his ear.

- I know we aren't, and I know you'll never be mine, but that's fine, so long as I have you in my life that's fine, I just want you close, that's it. -

- I don't want you close. - Said Jungkook, his voice straining to get out because Tom was holding him too tightly to breathe properly. - You're hurting me. -

- Tell me you don't hate me. - He said softly, a full contrast to the way he was holding him.

- I won't. - He breathed out and then tried to breathe in again with difficulty.

- Please, don't hate me, tell me you don't hate me, I don't want you to leave, please. -

This... is so fucking toxic. At the first chance he gets, he'll talk to Jimin about this.

- You... - He tried to breathe, he was really out of air even to speak. - You're... forcing me to... accept the fact that you're... that you're messed up... - His voice got out in puffs of air. - Tom... I can't breathe... - His eyes closed tightly as he gritted his teeth.

- I just need you to promise me you won't hate me and stick to that promise. Promise me you will never hate me, please. -

Jungkook tried to take in a breath to talk, but couldn't, he was suffocating. Rapidly, he used what strength he had to move around to get him off again, but couldn't, he really couldn't. He was starting to feel weak all over, and the fright of not being able to breathe was such that he was about to accept the promise just to get him off when Jimin screamed.

- Stop! - Immediately, Tom let go of him and he fell to the floor. He started coughing and gasping for air, his stomach feeling deeply bruised.

Still gasping as he straightened from the floor, he looked to where Jimin had been standing, and found him instead in a ball at the foot of his bed, hands to his head, nails to his scalp, body rocking back and forth as his breathing shook as well as his frame.

This is exactly what Jungkook meant about Tom not caring enough for his only friend, even if he ran to where he was and crunched down by his side being all gentle, he had still been the cause of his panic.

Slowly but surely, Jungkook stood up to where Tom was.

- Tom. - Tom looked around at him, face all worried like he genuinely didn't mean for all of this to happen. But that didn't erase the fact that he should've known better. - I want you to get the hell away from me. - He promised him that, with hatred in his stare. Tom's face turned to anguish, and Jungkook turned around to take his clothes and get into the bathroom.

Once inside, he left his clothes over the sink and took some seconds to breathe. That had been a bad rollercoaster, and the worst conclusion of them all is that he knows -because he knows himself so well, he knows- that if Taehyung hadn't come to his life before Tom ever got the chance to speak to him properly, he would've accepted Tom's approaches. Because he would've been the first one to ever be desperate to have him near, so desperate to the point of being aggressive, and he would've taken that as nothing but love because he wouldn't have known any better. Coming from a family of almost nonexistent displays of love, Tom's obsession would've appeared like a dream.

How disappointed he would've been in himself if he ever said yes to Tom instead of Taehyung. Because Taehyung was true love, Taehyung loved him so much that he would never hurt him in any way, he would never threaten him or forced him to promise him something or even go thru his stuff without his permission because he respects him, his word, and his privacy, unlike Tom.

As Jungkook took off his clothes he kept thinking. Maybe it's trauma. He couldn't understand Tom even if he tried. He would be grinning and then looking apologetic for what he said as he grinned and then would put salt to the wound like last night and then hug Jimin like he never meant what he caused. He said just last night that he needed people to be either suffering or rejoicing and looked calmest when Jungkook had walked out of the room as if those ambients were the ones he could relax the most in. And then he would be begging him not to hate him.

He hated him, of course, for the fright he just put him through and the carelessness in which he does things, usually doing something that would upset the majority, caring firstly about what he wants and then regretting his actions when he sees he had hurt somebody. He could never accept someone like that into his inner circle, he didn't even want to count him as a friendly acquaintance.

He tried to wash away what just happened with warm water. Today he concentrated on relaxing his muscles, closing his eyes, and letting the water run down his body. He breathed deeply and placed his hands over his shoulders. He breathed deeply and remembered Taehyung's loving touch, his loving hold, his beautiful voice in his ear, the stars from his eyes, the way his eyes half-closed when he smiled, and the way his hair was even softer than it looked. He breathed deeply and smiled as he felt his heart glowing in his chest.

Then he remembered he'll see his friends and smiled even brighter before finally starting his "Fixing". First was being under the warm water, and now is exfoliating. He got out of the shower, placed a towel on the floor so he wouldn't leave a wet mess, and headed for the cabinet to take out the box he had put in there the first day. And from it, he got out his exfoliant.

It shouldn't have a scent because he had ordered it as such (from the internet, with a female alias) but still, it smelled good, maybe a little bit like vanilla but just slightly.

His Fixing went on as smoothly as his skin at the end of it. He felt good, refreshed, and ready for sex.

Jungkook laughed silently at his stupidity.

Once dressed with a cotton-soft, padded, button-up shirt that kept him warm enough not to need a coat, simple jeans, and leaving the bathroom organized, he stepped out to the cold floor with bare feet and noticed how Jimin was seated on his own bed looking out the window with an absent expression while Tom was nowhere to be found. Jungkook put on some socks and converse for then to kneel to his bag and take his phone out. His friends would be arriving at any moment now.

He didn't want to disturb Jimin any longer so he just let him look out the window as long as he wanted and, instead, took a big, fresh, drawing paper from under his bed and placed it over his drawing table.

Finally, he'll use it.

The width of the paper was half of the length, and the length was just as long as his arm from fingertips to elbow. He loved big canvases so this one was considered a normal size for him while a big one would be six of this one combined, (the length of three and width of two).

He placed it over the table, promising himself he wouldn't think of who had given it to him and knelt to adjust the legs of the table so he could use it while standing since he still didn't have a stool. One of which he'll buy that afternoon.

His stomach fluttered as he straightened up with a smile at the memory of what he would do that afternoon with Taehyung. However, when he heard Jimin finally standing up from his bed and making his way unusually slowly to the bathroom, Jungkook stood there looking at the white paper, hands over the table, and head filled with guilt.

As he took out his box of "Art supplies" he thought of why he was feeling so guilty. It wasn't only that he felt guilty for having a reason to be happy while Jimin seemed to have none, nor the fact that he was currently lying to his friends, but everything that's ever happened this week. Yes, he felt happy, but at what cost? He felt beautiful and strong, and what about the people that didn't? or couldn't? He was loved, while other people weren't or didn't have enough time to be. He was able to love freely in the dark because he has it easier than who knows how many people, and what about the ones that couldn't even try to be themselves? what about the ones that had tried and had been violently stopped? What about the ones that saw no end so they ended it themselves?

He took a pen and sharpened it with a scalpel.

It wasn't that he felt unworthy of happiness or love just because someone else didn't have any, but he still felt... guilty. He felt guilty that he was right here smiling while he had a roommate that couldn't even talk because of trauma; he felt guilty for trying to ignore something that made him miserable. He felt selfish for it.

He moved the little pile of pencil chips to the side and grabbed the pen with his right hand delicately, holding it by the middle with his fingertips. And waited.

Selfish... He felt selfish and guilty for being happy when he knew a lot of people just like him couldn't be. A lot of people like them, the exceptions to the rule, having to hide so they could love when there shouldn't be any reason for them to be frightened of being caught since they weren't wrong as they said they were. They aren't wrong in the head any more than any other person. But then, what about the others? They think of themselves as superior because they don't have any inclination of doing anything outside the norm. Could a sheep ever be superior when it just follows along with what someone else is saying? No, there's no superiority there, the sheep aren't the superior ones, it is the sheepmen, the ones that make the rules other people must follow, the ones that decide what is right and what is weird.

He took a ruler and started to make the lines he needed for his drawing.

Thinking back on this whole week, he had a lot of things to think about more thoughtfully and a lot of people he needed to talk to in private. He needed to think about his family, unwillingly so but he had to, he had to think about his father, he had to think about his mother, his siblings, even his grandparents, he had to do a sweeping to see why they all are the way they are and maybe find why he had always been different. He needed to think more thoroughly about his theory on whether or not there was such a thing as an exception to the rule and for that, he needed to talk to Namjoon, Seokjin, Jimin, ...Tom?..., and Taehyung. He needed to think about the consequences of each side of his theory in history and the government, he needed to put all the pieces together and find out, without anyone noticing, everything he could about HMD.

He put the ruler to the side and started to do the abstract figure of his drawing with gentle lines.

He needed to do extended research on HMD because he had the horrible sensation -or just the thought came to him because he was angry- that this disorder wasn't even real. What if it was created by a government to have a way to control societies much easier? He knows this though is crazy since the HMD was discovered even before the second world war, that's part of the reason why Hitler... yeah, yeah, we all know the story–... Wait, but, there's something there, isn't it? Is the government having full control of the population through fear? Yes, yes, there's something there... He'll have to think deeper into that one. That theory wasn't as crazy as he thought.

He straightened up to see the paper at large and then started to outline the main figure that would be right in the center with a little more pressure but still holding the pen by the middle. As he drew, his thoughts went on and on.

What is it with Finn? He knew nothing of that guy and suddenly Leo was with him wherever he went. He remembers that time Leo said Finn had offered to take his bag to the classroom for him, and the only thing he can remember of Finn that had stuck to him was how, on that first day, he had unspokenly understood Jungkook's wish of talking in a more private place, and did not only understood but agreed, taking them to his room (where he has no roommate) and even much more astonishing than was that he allowed Jungkook to look him in the eyes critically just to see the color, knowing fully well that he intended on painting the body part of a man and not only being uncaring but supportive.

The force of his thoughts made him frown as he drew the details softly.

Finn. Hm... It was so unlike Leo to accept a friend so quickly. It had never happened before, not even with himself. When Jungkook came into the group, it was weeks before Leo wouldn't make fists with his hands when he saw him talking to Emily. The usual in Leo these days is to be friendly, yes, but not a friend, he always -rudely- reminds whoever's trying to get close that they are not friends, always, to the point where that other person finally leaves. What did Finn do to grab Leo's attention? Because it had to be that, he had to have done something different that Leo could've never seen coming for him to accept him so quickly.

He bent over, getting closer to the table so he could concentrate on cleaning what he drew, going over the lines with a little more pressure, and holding it closer to the pen's point. Still frowning in concentration.

Finn. What had he done? What had he said? What have they talked about and what have they been doing for them to get so close so fast? It's baffling for Jungkook that Leo had accepted Finn so fast because... Finn had allowed Jungkook to get close to him, he had allowed him to paint his eyes (something he hadn't done but still greatly wishes to do), he had allowed him a place where they could be alone, and he had treated Jungkook unlike usual men would by looking at him and trying to understand what his body language was showing and not judging him with anything but rather inviting him to his room, calling it a "safe place". He had reminded Jungkook of Emily somewhat, in the way he looked closely and cared... gently...

Emily... Finn... Emily, Finn... Leo and Emily... Leo and... Finn...?

Jungkook stopped drawing and put a hand over his mouth at that thought.

Emily was the first person to get to know him, she was consistent and gentle, always polite, always caring, knowing that he needed her before he even realized it and staying once he realized he needed her near, she was the first one he cried in front of, the first one who saw him fall to his knees in agony, the first one who even after seeing what others would call weakness, stayed, accepted him, and helped him to get stronger by being there and showing him gentleness and affection. She was the first one he would calm down for, the first one he would stand back for, the first one he would fully let himself be himself and laugh so hard he would bend over and need to hold onto something.

But now Leo's doing that for Finn. Yesterday night, everyone saw it. Finn had grabbed a pinch of his shirt, and he not only acknowledged it but understood its meaning and did what Finn had unspokenly asked. That's much more than Emily or Jungkook combined had been able to do, and Finn just did that with just about a week. He even looked surprised when he had managed to make Leo retrieve so maybe it hadn't been his full intention for Leo to have accepted him so suddenly.

What a mess, what a mess, and the worst part was that Jungkook knew nothing of it because he had been hiding away having the time of his life. What a mess. Tom had said that Finn had been seated on the bed last night while Leo sat on the floor by his feet, which was unusually close for Leo, he even reminds Jungkook to keep his distance sometimes. And what had they been doing at the other side of the door to have burst into laughter so suddenly?

More astonishing yet, it sounded for a moment as though Finn was trying to get Leo to move physically. Like he had grabbed his arm and pulled, and that's why Leo had said "cut it out". What a mess.

Jungkook went back to his drawing, head filled with so many questions he desperately wanted the answers to.

When the door of his room banged open.

- It's nine, motherfucker. - Greeted Leo with a wide smile looking straight at a scared Jungkook.

- Do you ever knock? - Finn asked with a small laugh, trailing behind him while Jungkook just caught his breath back real quick.

Talk of the devil and he shall appear.

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🌼Thank you for reading Chapter 39 <3

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