Consolatione

Comfort

Jungkook was staring at the moon, trying to forget again, trying to rid his mind of... pictures... images... maybe memories, who knows, he didn't care. He didn't want to care.

He just sat there, on the bench where he first talked to the person who would change his life forever in less than a week. In less than a week.

He sighed.

Jungkook wished his life would've been with Taehyung and Taehyung alone, only the both of them, getting to know each other naturally as they have been and holding the other as they do now, only without having to hide, without having to run away from people, from men, from memories, hatred, and sadness. He wished his life wouldn't be so difficult, so intertwined with so many other foul things. He wished he could just be as perfect as Taehyung made him feel, powerful and beautiful, creative and smart. He wished, oh he wished.

His body was completely drained of energy and will. He didn't want to move, he felt just fine right where he was sitting looking at a dark cloud hiding the moon and stars from view. Just one single moment of moonlight was given to him before it was dark again. What an analogy to his life that could be, a single ray of sunshine, of moonlight, of stars' sight, just mere minutes of a beautiful sunset where he could feel something other than tiredness, and then... darkness again.

He was tired of his life. He had been for so long now, he can't even remember the first time he ever dreamt he could've just woken up somewhere else, or just... not wake up at all. He was very little the first time that happened, and he very well knew why it had. That damned kick in the stomach had marked him for life. No visible scar, no one else would be able to see it–... see them, for they were a lot. He really was tired of having to carry so much, the weight of his past making it hard to walk forward. He just wanted to walk forward, leave all the unpleasant behind and live.

But that's too much to ask. He won't think of why right now, he didn't want to. He didn't want to think, to speculate, to come up with plans, he was too tired, of hiding, lying, hurting, he was tired, of crying, screaming, faking a smile, he was tired.

Taehyung was the only person who could make him feel so free, so utterly free it was almost like he was never tired, like he never had a burden or a scar. He felt young and brave, completely vital and beautiful. The feelings and sensations that Taehyung gave him were so incredibly lovely, that he just wanted to live in them forever. If he couldn't live with the actual feeling, he'll live inside his own memories, he had done that before, and it's no big deal.

And even if it was, he didn't care right now.

The air was really cold on his naked arms, but he didn't care; the woods looked really dark and almost scary without the moonlight, but he didn't care. He wanted to go to his room and sleep, and the only thing he cared about when he thought of that was whether or not his friends were still there. He didn't want to face them, not after Leo had said such a thing and Emily had gasped like she knew it had been uncalled for. Knowing Leo, he would still be there, waiting for him so he could apologize. He would even sleep on his bed if he had to. But Jungkook didn't want to deal with any of that right now. He just wanted to sit there and be.

The sound of the creek a couple of steps from his feet was really soothing, so he closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. Closing his mind and putting a box over his feelings to muffle them, just like he used to do so many times before he met Taehyung. He just concentrated on the cold air brushing his skin, (a skin that had been warm in Taehyung's arms), he just concentrated on breathing in the woodsy scent in the air, (and remembered how Taehyung's was much better), he... just... concentrated on...

Jungkook gave up and opened his eyes again. All he could see when he closed them was Taehyung. He was hopeless, he wouldn't be able to muffle his feelings if his heart throbbed at the thought of him.

Jungkook crossed his arms over his middle to hug himself. He felt so lonely, and he knew it was his fault, he knew it had been him who walked out of a room filled with people that cared for him on all kinds of levels and he just walked off. He was frustrated with himself. If he wanted company, why did he leave?

No, he won't think of that right now, he didn't want to care right now, he didn't want to think, he didn't want to move, he didn't want to feel. He was too tired for any of that, he just wanted to sleep. But his brain was too wide awake for that, even if his body was aching.

He sighed greatly again and let his head fall back, and as he stared at the leaves of a tree over him flowing with the wind, a lump rose in his throat making it painful to swallow. Really? Again? He's going to cry again? How many times has he cried tonight? How many times has he cried this week alone?

He heard something far away, but it must've been the wind. He kept staring over him at the leaves, feeling that lump dissipating once more when the sky seemed to be lightening slightly again. He straightened his head and sure enough, the big dark cloud had finished its passing and now the moon was starting to be visible once more. He felt grateful, it was like he wasn't entirely alone anymore. He heard a rustling of leaves some paces by his side and turned to look.

Taehyung...

The lump in his throat came back when he saw him sighing and smiling in relief though his forehead still showed just how worried he was. He let out a breath too as he looked at him getting closer, his body unable to move. He wanted to hug him but... maybe he shouldn't.

Jungkook looked down at the creek and the tears overflowed again, silently, just tears falling at the thoughts and realization that he was... so wrong for Taehyung. He was just a mess, everything about his life to himself was an utter mess. Taehyung shouldn't have to carry his burdens, he shouldn't have to fight for him. He was too much of a mess, it wouldn't be kind to make Taehyung fix him when he hadn't been able to fix himself up. He was too stained to be deserving of his golden heart.

Taehyung silently went past him and sat down by his side, Jungkook could see from the corner of his eye how he was turned to him, maybe waiting for him to say something or waiting for him to look into his eyes. But Jungkook couldn't look into his eyes, he couldn't look at his constant worry, at his want to know, to protect, he didn't want to see it because he would fall apart into his arms and let himself be fixed when in reality he would be doing him an unkindness by making him fix him when it wasn't his burden to bear.

- Kooky. - Taehyung called him in his beautiful soft voice that was just like a caressing to his cheek.

Jungkook closed his eyes as he took in a painful deep breath. He was ready for a lot of things, even if he was tired and beaten, he was ready to hear him ask about what just happened, he was ready for the worry, he was ready for the pleading, he was ready for Taehyung to beg for him to open up. However, he was not ready for what actually came out of his heavenly lips.

- I love you. -

Jungkook, in shock, looked immediately up at him. There was worry, yes, but there was... more.

- Just now, I realized a lot of things. - He continued, looking straight into his eyes with stars of his own. - I was told that the mind is like a creek, and bad memories are an obstruction that debilitates the flow of water. But that, with the help of another creek, the power of the two flows combined relieves the obstructed one from its blockage. - He looked down and gently took one of Jungkook's freezing hands, and, when he looked back up, there was a stronger feeling in them. - No one should ever fight alone. "What would you be fighting for if you have no one to fight with". - He trailed away, a frown on his forehead that wasn't meant for Jungkook. He looked slightly ashamed as he added. - I must apologize to you. Please forgive me for ever trying to fight my battles on my own when I already had you by my side willing to fight with me. I'm sorry for my selfishness. - That woke Jungkook up again, and he took his hand out of Taehyung's in bewilderment.

- What are you... Why would you even think you need to apologize? I... - His voice was nearly a whisper in his tiredness even if he was sitting upright facing him. He shook his head, mad at himself. - I am... so wrong for you, you deserve so much better. -

Taehyung looked alarmed now.

- Stop, no, do not even think to utter those words to me, how... how could you even think...? -

But Jungkook was too tired to filter himself. He pulled a palm up slightly to stop him.

- I'm too exhausted to think before I speak, wait a sec. - He let his hand fall again and then rearranged his seating position to be leaning against the bench while also looking at an expecting Taehyung, who looked really worried for him. Jungkook sighed. - This is not me trying to break anything, so don't worry about that. - Some tension in Taehyung's shoulders eased a bit. - This is just me speaking my mind, so brace yourself because I might not filter myself. -

- There's nothing I would like more. - Taehyung also sat a little better to look straight at him.

- I said I'm wrong for you, and I mean it. - Taehyung shook his head with a deep frown. - I know you can't see it. But I can. It doesn't really ease my mind, it does the opposite, to think that I'm too much of a mess and that it would be unkind to put you on the task of fixing me up. -

- Oh, Kooky... - Taehyung placed his hands over his own face and breathed in deeply before letting them fall again. - Is this what you think? Is this how you truly feel about yourself? A burden? -

Jungkook dried his face and answered.

- Of course, I do. -

- Why "of course"? -

- Because... I mean, look at me. - He shrugged and let his hands fall to his lap. - Panic attacks, fight or flight mode on edge, triggered easily. And in denial about all of it. - He shook his head and looked down again. - That's my truth, what I try to hide from everyone, even myself, and fail. I'm in denial, I do not want to accept any wrong thing that I ever go through, not one single thing, so I just decide "ok, that never happened, move on" and that's the only way I can sleep better at night, by pretending it never happened. And it had been that way for twenty-one years. And then you come, and you care. You care about what I feel, what I say, what I don't say, and why, you care about things I don't want to care about and you make me think about them even if I don't want to, and I really don't want to face what I deny, I don't want to tell you, I don't want to accept it, I don't even care about moving on from it because I don't even want to touch those memories. -

- Of course, I think I'm a burden. Because I feel like a burden to myself. - At some point he started to cry again, making his words a sob from time to time, making a fist to clutch at the fabric over his chest. - It hurts to admit this to you because I don't what to be this, I don't what to be a burden, I don't want to be broken or stained or to have any fucking problem in me, I just want to be who I am when I'm with you, happy and whole and just the man I've always wanted to be. I don't want to be what they made of me, I just want to be me... without the pain. - He kept on sobbing for a while, he couldn't stop himself and he didn't even try to. However, at some point, he noticed that he wasn't the only one shivering with silent sobs. Slowly he looked up, and Taehyung was looking at him through thick droplets of tears while he clucked a hand over his mouth and another around his middle.

He didn't know what was worse, what he'd just admitted out loud, or seeing Taehyung crying over it.

- I... - Taehyung tried to speak once, but couldn't continue for a while. He swallowed and lowered his hand from his mouth, his bottom lip still wobbling as he looked at his own lap. - I'm afraid I'll say the wrong thing. -

- You feel like you have to say the right thing or else I'll crumble. This is exactly what I meant--

- No, no, let me. I'm not talking about saying the wrong thing like a doctor to a patient, I meant it like a lover to another. - He looked up again. - I must say, it really does hurt to hear you say all those things about yourself because I love you a lot and it hurts me when you're hurting. However, this is not me inviting you to keep it all to yourself. - He said this with tight lips and fervor. - When I say I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing, I mean it in how I could say something that might hurt you in any way, because I care for you, not because I think you're fragile because I know you're not. I know who you are, I've seen you, and I've also seen what they've made of you. But I will never pretend your pain was never real whenever you have a smile, and I also will never forget who you are whenever you're not. I know pain isn't something anybody would like to bear, I know. - A tear went down his cheek. - But I also know what pain could do when it is not been dealt with, and I, Jungkook, I will never let pain take you out of my side. I shall tear the roots it's taken in you if I have to and I'll do it with a damned smile on my face because I know that I'm doing it for nothing more than love. -

Jungkook couldn't speak, couldn't breathe, couldn't move. He felt like time had frozen as he watched how another tear went down Taehyung's cheek at the same time he felt one falling from his own bewildered eyes, and his heart beat hard in his chest. It's not like he couldn't believe what he was hearing, it's not like he would ever think Taehyung would ever lie to him, the shock came as unexpectedly as the words that put him in this state. It was just... the beauty of his iron-locked loyalty so purely expressed in his words along with the undying declaration of love coming from his honest eyes as he cried out his promises... There was truly no one else in this world he loved more than Taehyung. He knew him in and out way better than anyone had ever, will ever, or could ever do, and loved him, honestly and on purpose.

In less than a week...

Jungkook let out a feeble breath then as his forehead creased with agony, and with a strength he didn't know he had at this moment, he leaped up into Taehyung's open arms and sat down on his lap to be finally held like he desperately needed to. And Taehyung held him, hugged him, caressed his back, comforted his soul, and appeased his current misery fueled by years of sadness and tiredness.

It went on for a while, but Jungkook wasn't thinking of the time, he was washing away in tears all the reasons he had to hate himself as he took in all the beautiful words Taehyung was reminding him, "I love you", "You're not alone", "You have me, my Love", "You're my beautiful Angel, my Poet, my Artist. Elysium is whenever I'm with you, Jungkook".

On and on he reminded him of love, care, and happiness. And slowly, he felt better, little by little the tears slowed down, little by little his arms lost their tight hold around Taehyung's shoulders, and little by little Taehyung's scent right on his nose made him breathe in deeper, calmer; little by little he could feel the difference between being tired and wanting to rest, for little by little instead of feeling immense sadness, he felt a satisfied little smile on the corners of his lips as he felt how Taehyung's love filled the emptiness the tears had left behind.

He was not alone, he was loved.

Jungkook leaned back slowly, a calming sensation on his whole body making him smile a little more. Until he was looking right at Taehyung's eyes, and the latter held his face gently with both hands, caressing his cheeks and drying his tears tenderly.

- Are you tired, Love? - Taehyung asked as softly as the cold breeze around them.

Jungkook sighed so greatly that he closed his eyes, enjoying the air getting into his lungs, and he nodded before opening them again. Then he let out a chuckle and connected their foreheads.

- I would like to stay here for a while if you don't mind. - He spoke back just as softly and closed his eyes with a little smile as he felt Taehyung hugging him around the waist.

- I guess we can stay here. Until the sun comes up, of course. - He chuckled.

- Do you know what time it is? -

- I think so. -

- Ok, don't tell me. As long as you know, that'll be fine. - Jungkook felt a little obstruction in his throat as he kept on smiling, dreading time passing, wishing it never did. And Taehyung understood.

- Very well. Would you like us to do something else? Because I think if we just stay here silent, you'll fall asleep. - He chuckled endearingly. - I wouldn't have any objections, of course, I would keep you warm and comfortable. -

Jungkook disconnected their foreheads to hug him as he giggled.

- You know, that makes me feel kind of guilty, I just remembered you didn't get much sleep last night. - He leaned back to look at him, but he shook his head.

- I got enough sleep. I don't really need to sleep that much, I got too used to staying up late at night and waking up early for it to affect me at all. The only way you'll see any discomfort is if I couldn't sleep at all, and that wasn't the case, so I'm fine. - He reassured him with a soft smile.

Jungkook did feel less guilty, just curious.

- Why is it? -

Taehyung chuckled a little in endearment.

- Because I had to study a lot, or I had a lot of work, or the kids would start crying and it was my job to calm them down, or I just couldn't fall asleep... - He trailed away in his explanation, shaking his head. - A lot of reasons. - But then he smiled. - Although, these past few nights I've been sleeping much better. I'd almost forgotten what bad nights felt like. - And then he leaned in and kissed his cheek sweetly.

Jungkook couldn't take in any more love, but even so, he was so tired that he couldn't fight back, and it felt... honestly just so nice, to be overflowing with love instead of hate.

- Me too, but you already know that. And last night doesn't count. The first night either. -

Taehyung chuckled as he detached his lips from Jungkook's skin.

- Ok. What do you want to talk about now? -

Jungkook just looked at him for a while, he was just too beautiful under the moonlight to be real.

- You're so beautiful. - He simply couldn't keep it in, and Taehyung chuckled as he averted his eyes, looking sheepishly away. He also couldn't help but smile and lean in to kiss him on the cheek, and then mutter with his lips brushing against his soft skin. - Let's dream for a while, yeah? - He leaned back just enough to look him in the eyes and saw the brightness of excitement in them.

- What kind of dream? - He asked with a smile of his own.

- The kind where we wake up in the same bed with the music of birds flowing in through the open windows. -

Immediately, Taehyung's eyes got wistful as his eyebrows lifted in the middle the slightest bit.

- And I make breakfast for everybody. -

- Who would be everybody? -

Taehyung chuckled like it should be obvious.

- Edward, Audrey, you, and me, of course. But, if it was Sunday, we would be having breakfast at my parent's house. -

- And where would our house be? - Jungkook smiled, he loved this dream, he loved this conversation, this look of excitement and euphoria on Taehyung was all he ever wanted to see.

- Oh, I found a place when I was younger, it was... - He closed his eyes, to see what he was trying to explain. - I walked and walked, past "the grandpa tree" and on, I think I passed the river? No, that was another place, I didn't pass the river, I went around "the three brothers" and up. - He opened his eyes again. - It was the perfect place for a home. The moment I found it I knew I would build mine there. It was right on the edge of a meadow full of wildflowers, you could hear the river flow and see it just at the other side of the tree line, and if you turned around and saw the way you came, you could just see my parents house. Not too far, not too close, just perfect. -

- Yes. - Jungkook agreed, feeling wistful as well. - It does sound perfect. - Taehyung leaned in just a little, closing his eyes, and then kissed his cheek. - What would we do? What would be our work? - Taehyung leaned back and sighed.

- I would work on the farm. No suits, no leather shoes, no worksheets, meetings, papers, businessmen, none of that. I would leave that to my brother, he always said he wanted that, so I would just be happily making sure the machinery worked right and the flowers had enough water. Continue my grandparent's book on the flowers, go into the forest looking for a new kind of flower we don't have on the farm, and study why it grows there so we would know how to grow it on the farm. Be in the wild, that's what I would like to do every day. And be covered in dirt. I used to love that a lot. - He chuckled as he remembered. Jungkook was so happy to hear him.

- Then I guess I would be your assistant since I don't really know what else to do. - He giggled, but Taehyung shook his head.

- You could do whatever you wanted to do. Write a book, sell paintings... Anything. Even nothing. If you wanted, you wouldn't have to work, and me either, I would just do it because that's what I wanted to do. -

Jungkook laughed softly.

- A stay-at-home dad. - Taehyung laughed too, but not jokingly. Happily. - I would like to write and paint, yes. And read. - He sighed. - And be free and happy. -

So perfect... Too perfect.

Slowly, his smile softened, turning less wistful, and then a cold breeze brought with it a scent he could only associate with the inside of Evanthe, and the illusion went away like a light veil being swept away by the wind.

However, the little smile never left as he kept staring at Taehyung, both back in the present again, and still smiling at each other.

One day... Yes, one day. Taehyung held his face with one hand, a crease on his forehead.

- You're tired. Go to sleep. - He said, so softly, so gently, so tenderly, and with a slight pinch of concern.

Jungkook closed his eyes and tilted his head to his hand while his own hands went from the back of Taehyung's head to his chest.

- I--

- "don't want to go", yes, I know. - They both chuckled and Jungkook opened his eyes for then to lean in and gently connect their foreheads.

- You have no idea how much I love you. But I'm determined to let you know every day one way or another. - At that moment, Taehyung leaned in and kissed him gently on the lips for a moment, and then leaned back to look him in the eyes. He didn't have to say it, his eyes gave it away completely, but still, he did because that's what the heart on his sleeve told him to do.

- I love you much more than I could ever be able to describe. -

Jungkook's breath got cut in his throat, and he leaned in to kiss him again, gently and sweetly on the lips.

Jungkook really didn't want to go, but they both knew he had to. So, with one last tight hug, as they stood beside the narrow creek and one last kiss knowing they'll see the next day, they departed in different ways. And only then could Jungkook truly feel just how cold the night was.

It took him no time to get back to his room. For starters, his mind was in the clouds as he walked looking at the floor, so that could be the whole reason why, but it was also because he was walking a little faster than usual. He was tired, but he also didn't want to meet anybody on the way.

He was so distracted by the thought of going to sleep at once so tomorrow would come quicker that, when he opened his bedroom door and saw that everybody was still there, he jumped in surprise. As well as Leo, who got up from his seating position on the floor and all but ran to the door to grab Jungkook by the arm and pull him into the room to then close the door. And Jungkook understood then, that Leo intended to lock them in so he had nowhere to go.

Jungkook put his hands on his hips and sighed tensely as he looked at the floor before crossing his arms over his chest to look up at him expectantly.

- I'm sorry... - Leo started, he looked rushed and sure, but also sheepish and... unsure? Jungkook nodded, waiting. - I... -

- "Shouldn't..." - Finn's voice came from somewhere at Jungkook's left in a carrying whisper.

Jungkook frowned, but before he could look at him, Leo used the helping word.

- I shouldn't have said what I said, it was... -

- "Rude..." - This one came with a slight chuckle.

Leo let out a breath and looked much more embarrassed than ever as a sheepish grin spread through his lips, always looking apologetically at Jungkook.

- It was very rude of me to even mention it and... to act that way. I'm... I'm sorry for getting angry at you, and... - At this, he let out a deeper breath and let his head fall. - I'm sorry. I practiced before you got here, but I'm dreadful at this. - He looked up at Jungkook for then to look beside him at the others with a grimace. - Am I missing anything? -

- Your memory is dismal. - Said Tom, all the while Jungkook just stared at Leo. - What about, "I'm sorry I almost punched your new friend" or "I'm sorry I'm so egotistical that I never wanted you to have any other friends", huh? -

Leo wasn't pleased but he still looked back at Jungkook.

- I'm--

- I know. - Jungkook cut him off, and an unstoppable little smile grew on his lips. When Leo saw this, a victorious smile spread through his own face, and then he raised a fist for the others in the room to see. - I didn't say I forgive you, dumbass. -

- Maybe not, but you still smiled. - He looked back at him with a huge smile, but then looked a little sheepish again. - Do you forgive me? I hope you do because... it sucks to be fighting with your brother. -

Jungkook stared at him for a moment as he reminisced on all the good times they've ever had and all the bad times they've been there for each other. Yes, this is his brother, and it indeed sucked to fight with someone he loved.

- I forgive you. - Leo let his head fall, thankful. - Just please... - He looked up. - Never again, ok? - Leo grimaced, and Jungkook saw a look he'd seen on Taehyung, one of concern, of wanting to know what had been troubling him so much, that need to know what he's keeping to himself. But then, thankfully, he let it drop, or at least that's what his words meant.

- Ok. Never again. -

Jungkook nodded, even if he knew Leo would never truly drop it, and Leo nodded back even if he knew Jungkook knew he would never drop it. However, they shook hands, dropping it for tonight.

Tom clapped once.

- Perfect. So, now that everyone loves each other again... - He stood up from the floor. - Get out of Jimin's room so he can go to sleep. - He commanded in the most normal tone he could muster.

- Yes, we all need to sleep. - Emily said, also getting up from the floor and nearing Jungkook while Finn got up from the bed and stretched. - Kooky, tell me, how are you feeling? - She asked him motherly as she placed the back of her hand over his forehead.

Jungkook chuckled.

- Just tired. I rested the majority of the day, don't worry. - She placed her hands over his shoulders and looked at him up and down intently.

- And food? And drink? And warm socks? -

He chuckled again.

- Yes, yes, all of that, I also had warm drinks and medicine. -

She looked up at him and straightened his hair sweetly.

- And a warm shower? -

- Yes, that too. - It was for exactly this side of her that Leo and himself needed Emily in their lives. Because if she wouldn't take care of them like this, then who will? Of course, it changes a lot for him with Taehyung, but it still feels like a necessity to have the warmth and care of a woman.

Emily placed her hand over his cheek.

- Sleep well then, and we'll see tomorrow at nine. -

- I thought it was eight. - He frowned slightly, and she shook her head.

- It's past twelve right now, and we all need to rest, you most of all, so at nine tomorrow, ok? - His frown went away and he nodded, grateful.

- Ok. Oh! Wait, - He stopped her from turning by grabbing her shoulder. - I just remembered, I need to ask Jimin for some notes, could we... - He trailed off as an obvious idea popped into his head and he looked over her shoulder at Jimin still on the floor with Tom kneeling and whispering by his side. - Jimin, - Jerkily, he looked up. - Could you come to study with us tomorrow morning? I need to borrow some of your notes. - Shakily he nodded and then went back to look at his knees while Tom looked up at him, frowning. - There. - Jungkook said, looking back at Emily. - See you tomorrow. - And with a last pat on her shoulder, he let her go.

She leaned in and hugged him, and as he hugged her, he looked over her shoulder at the rest of the room.

Finn was talking to Leo in the corner. He had given Finn a lot of thought on the sidelines, but now he had his full attention, with the way he managed to stop Leo by just grabbing his shirt. Those were signs of trust, and he had no idea how much or even how that happened. Also what Taehyung had told him about how they were getting out of a janitor's closet.

Emily leaned back and gave him one last little smile before letting go of him completely and turning to Leo.

- Leo, time to sleep, let's go. - She hurried him with a wave of her hand as she walked to the door, and he gave one nod to Finn for him to follow, so the both of them bid their goodbyes at Jungkook, and the three of them left. Leaving him alone with his thoughts and Tom, since Jimin was in the bathroom.

Jungkook turned around and went to his chest of drawers to take out something to sleep in.

- Did he go to you? - Tom asked, his voice honest and gentle.

Jungkook, with his back to him, stopped everything he was doing to take a great sigh and close his eyes.

- Why can't you be like this all the time? Seriously, it would be so much better for everybody, including you. - Then he went on to open the first drawer for some sweatpants.

- You're wrong. - Jungkook frowned and closed the drawer, leaving the clothes over the dresser to turn around and lean against it as he looked at Tom, facing him as he sat comfortably on Jimin's bed. - I need people around me to either suffer or rejoice. - He smiled humorlessly, and Jungkook nodded slowly, not understanding a thing.

- So... Why are you gentle with me sometimes? - He asked curiously.

Tom chuckled slightly.

- You... - He trailed away, his smile softly growing, almost like he was thinking something amusing. He was looking at him so intently that Jungkook got slightly uncomfortable, so he cleared his throat and looked away.

- Don't worry, I was just curious. And about what you asked: Yes, he did. - He looked back at Tom right when he was nodding approvingly.

At that moment, Jimin opened the bathroom door and got out, ready for bed. But stopped dead when he saw that they both were staring at him. He hunched over and hugged his middle as he turned around, connecting his forehead to the wall.

- Jungkook. - Tom called him in a hurried whisper as he stood up, and when Jungkook looked at him, he was motioning for him to get into the bathroom while he walked straight to Jimin with a frown.

- What did I do? - He asked, taking his clothes and nearing the bathroom in small passes.

Jimin hid in Tom's chest the moment he was close enough, and Tom looked at Jungkook over his head.

- He's tired. - He whispered back, shaking his head, still with a frown. What he said must've meant more than the physical sense of the word.

Jungkook understood immediately and entered the bathroom to get dressed.

What a long day this had been. He woke up after a dreadful night, most gratefully to the arms of Taehyung while in the comfort of his apartment, to then be met by his father, then Leo believing wrong assumptions of him, Professor Seokjin who Jungkook still can't believe is Namjoon's lover, and Oliver with nothing but good intentions that were overshadowed by Evan's sudden presence... and commanding voice...

This day had been full of ups and downs, beauties and horrors, and he's more than ready to sleep and dream of nothing more than Taehyung, his touch, his eyes, his voice and his words, his hold, care, love, and lust, only him and nothing but him, that's what will be on his mind tonight, and that's a promise to himself since he just wants to forget and start over. He doesn't want to dream of all the memories he's trying to avoid, not when a long day was waiting for him tomorrow.

Ready, with a long sleeve shirt and sweatpants, he stepped out barefoot back into the room after throwing his used clothes into his clothes' basket, to then freeze over at the door frame.

Jimin was still hiding in Tom's chest, shaking in either fright or silent tears. And Jungkook looked over his head at Tom who was holding him securely and frowned in question.

Tom sighed and looked back down at Jimin's head.

- Jiminy, do you need me to stay? -

Stay? as in... sleep in the same bed or something?

Jungkook cautiously and with a deeper frown went past them to his bed. He couldn't help but feel kind of jealous of Jimin. He could have someone to stay with if they wanted to but Taehyung couldn't just not return to his apartment at night.

Right when that thought came to his head, he felt terrible. How dare he. It's no one's fault that this is the way it is. Also, jealous of Jimin? When he was hiding and shaking and unable to speak? He should be glad that Jimin has someone to help him in every and any way he needs to be helped.

As Jungkook took off the bed covers and sat down, he looked at them still standing at the foot of his bed. Yes, he's glad Jimin has someone willing to do whatever it took to make him feel better, even if that person was Tom.

- Are you sure? - Tom asked Jimin in a gentle whisper, his lips close to his hair. Jimin must've answered him in some unspoken way for him to have replied thus, however, Jungkook doesn't think Jimin should decline the offer if he's still needing to hide in Tom's chest.

- Jimin. - Jungkook called him, jerkily and kind of alarmed, Jimin looked up at the same moment that he took a step away from Tom. He looked positively terrified of something, his eyes were wide and watery, he was making himself smaller by hugging himself and hunching slightly, and he was indeed shaking. Jungkook's breath got cut in his throat at the sight. It reminded him... of himself... It was a reflection of himself. - Jimin, let him stay. -

Jimin needs him, he needs someone, anyone, he needs to be held, he needs to be loved, to be hugged and comforted, he needs the warmth of another. But Jimin looked frightened at him, at Tom, and then at the door.

Carefully, Tom took some steps towards it.

- Look. - He told Jimin and then opened the door to show him outside. - No one here. - Then he stepped out and before closing the door on himself, locked it from the inside. Then he proceeded to try and open it by turning the knob, but it wouldn't budge, and the noise of it was very obvious. Then he knocked, and Jungkook, understanding fully what he was doing, got up and opened the door for him. - See? - Tom said to Jimin whose frame wasn't shaking as much anymore. - So long as we do this... - He closed the door and locked it from the inside. - No one can get in without our knowledge or permission, alright? I promise you. Not even through the window. Jungkook was in the bathroom just now, he can promise you that no one can get in through there, and no one's hiding. For a moment you hid under the bed so you know no one's hiding under either of your beds and there's no other way anyone could be here. -

Tom then carefully went back to Jimin who was shaking even less now and gently guided him to his bed.

Jungkook went back to his bed with a very deep worry in him.

What did Jimin have to go through to be fearing anybody barging into his room or hiding in a corner? And what triggered it?

He knew that Jimin got under the bed when Leo almost hit Taehyung, but he seemed fine after that. Did they speak of something in his absence that might've triggered it?

- Tom. - Jungkook whispered while Jimin was getting under his covers, and Tom turned to look at him. - Can I ask you something? - He motioned with a hand for him to get near for a moment. Tom nodded and turned to Jimin.

- I'll be right back. - He whispered to Jimin, and he nodded. Then Tom turned around and neared his bed. Jungkook sat back against the headboard and patted for him to sit on the edge of his bed, so he did, with a maddening eyebrow raised. - You want a kiss goodnight? - He asked with a dark chuckle.

Jungkook rolled his eyes.

- I already had it. - Tom chuckled again and Jungkook looked at him once more. - Get serious for a moment, please. - Tom nodded and did seem serious even if he still had a grin on his face. - What did you talk about while I was... not here? -

- He didn't tell you? I mean, he didn't ask you about it or something? - Tom frowned, confused.

- No. - Jungkook shared his confusion, but then remembered something. - Something about a creek? And bad memories being an obstruction? -

- Yyyyes but... that was like, the end of it when this Finn guy shut your friend Emily. -

- Shut her? What do you mean? - But then he did a double-take. - And Leo let him do that? -

Tom was looking at him in amusement and confusion.

- Yes, we were seated like this, - He pointed at where everyone was seated so Jungkook could have a clear vision. - Finn was on the bed, Leo on the floor at his feet, - Jungkook's head twitched in confusion. - Emily beside him, then Jimin and then myself, and finally, - He looked back at Jungkook. - Professor Lover-hyung right here. - And he patted Jungkook's bed. - Most of all, it was him asking Leo and Emily questions about you, I thought he would... ask them to you himself... - He trailed away when he saw how Jungkook's eyebrows raised bemusedly.

- What did he ask and what did they answer? Word by word, if you please. -

He tried to stay calm, but he couldn't shake off the awful feeling, because he has no idea what it is that Leo and Emily know about that friend he had once, he has no idea how they managed to figure it out or if anybody had told them that. And then he remembered that Leo has his father's phone number, and the awful feeling in his stomach just grew. What do they know?

- Ok, I'll... try to remember. Ummm... - Tom seemed to have noticed the severity of this conversation for any trace of a chuckle was completely gone. - First, he asked how was your relationship with your father. -

Jungkook could do nothing more than frown and frown deeper.

He had no idea how to answer that question even himself, he wouldn't say it was the best relationship of course, and he wouldn't say that he'd never felt really angry towards him to the point of hate, but he will never say he doesn't love his father. He just hates certain things he does. However, something he was sure of was that, no matter what, his father loved him. It doesn't matter what Taehyung had said about not knowing if he really loved him because his father might've just said something that appeared to be like that, but Jungkook remembered all the times his father said to him "You're my son and I love you. You do know that, right?" It was a reminder, to remind him that no matter what happens, as long as he's still his son, no matter how harsh or unfair he is, he still loves him.

It was a crappy relationship, but they were still father and son, they still loved each other even when fighting. Right? No one else would know how they feel, they just know what they do, and the majority of the time Jungkook's just been crying over the things his father does to him, so of course, his friends are going to say that their relationship is nearly nonexistent or only based on hate.

- What did they say? - Asked Jungkook as he nodded, very sure of what the answer would be.

Tom's head twitched to the side in a somewhat uncomfortable way, like he wasn't pleased to have to do this.

- Emily said it was an inconsistent relationship. That sometimes you were both happy, sometimes angry, but also... that no matter what, you would always say that you love each other. - He shrugged. Jungkook wasn't expecting that. Apparently, he misjudged Emily, she could see even much more than he thought she could. - She also said how you don't like to talk about your family unless it was a good thing and that they have no idea what bad things they would do because you wouldn't tell them. Then it went on with her and Finn talking about how they just want their friend to be healthy and happy. And then... - He turned to look at Jungkook with a very confused frown. - Tae asked them why you would be hiding under the bed when your father approached you this morning, and he asked about what Leo had said before, about you trusting someone you shouldn't have that resembled your father. -

Jungkook's heart dropped to his stomach. Of course, this was exactly what he was expecting, this question. But he was expecting Taehyung to ask him about it, not his friends. Why would he–...? No, he's too tired for any of this. Tom, Jimin, Leo, Emily, Finn, Taehyung...

Jungkook shook his head as he tried to rid his forehead of that frown.

- You know what? Good night, I'll talk to him about it tomorrow. I can't take any more of this for today. - He shook his head, really tired, and Tom nodded.

- Yeah, I noticed. Sleep well, Kooky. - And he stood up.

- I told you not to–

Tom shut him up when he suddenly ran his fingers through his hair until his hand was at the back of his head.

- Go to sleep. - Tom told him with half a grin, one canine showing, and then he let go to head over to Jimin's bed.

Jungkook turned around and laid on his side, looking the other way with the frown still on his forehead and the lingering feeling of Tom's fingers through his hair. Then he heard him chuckling, maybe at something he said to Jimin, while he took off his shoes.

Jungkook felt awful. Because he needed a hug, he needed to be held, to be loved, to be comforted, and cared for. He needed to be touched right now, and the more he stayed with that need, the better he can be at acclimatizing to it and avoiding it. But, today, the need was stronger after his whole day of being with Taehyung, and his night with him as well. He was expecting it not to be a problem, though, because he wasn't expecting to be touched right now that the need is stronger, not right after he had a hug from Emily.

So Tom made a mistake. He only wanted to be touched by Taehyung and he knew Taehyung wasn't here to do it so he was ready to go to sleep and that's it, but now that there was someone else in the same room that could give him the physical protection he needed, he couldn't sleep.

The light went off on Jimin's nightstand, and some ruffling was heard. Jungkook didn't want to see, he didn't want to look at what he wanted but couldn't have, he really didn't. So why was he turning around?

He watched as he laid on his other side, knees to his chest and hands into fists clutching the covers and blankets up until just below his eyes, so he could see. And he saw it, Jimin curled into a ball, covers engulfing him just like Jungkook's, his back against Tom's chest, and Tom could be hugging him but Jungkook wouldn't know because they were warmly under the blankets. Together. And here he was. Alone.

Jungkook didn't notice before, but, once he stopped looking at Jimin's calm, peaceful, face and looked over at Tom's over his. He noticed then that, all this time, Tom had been looking at him. It wasn't with a feeling he could recognize. To anybody else, it would just look like nothing, like he was feeling nothing. But to Jungkook, who has been staring at people his whole life and lived as a liar for the most part, he knows that a blank face hides much more underneath. He just doesn't know what.

They lay there, looking at each other on opposite beds. Until Tom showed emotion at last. It was pity. His eyebrows went up in the middle the slightest bit, but they did, and the moment Jungkook saw that, he pulled the covers completely up and hid himself under them.                

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