Relevium

Relief

Wednesday 11th of September, 6:00 AM, Jungkook's room in Evanthe.

When Jimin's low sound alarm went off, Jungkook opened his eyes at once. And, as he'd done before, it wasn't more than three seconds before Jimin quickly turned it off.

While Jungkook lay there with the covers up to his mouth, he looked at the ceiling, and, as he remembered all that happened the day before and how it concluded... he grinned. He was happy that he was still feeling happy, usually, when he wakes up after a night with Taehyung there's a moment of overthinking and embarrassment, but today, he felt completely different, he felt stronger than before, having this massive secret that filled him with so much joy was making him feel powerful like he was finally grabbing his life by the reins, both hands on the wheel, eyes wide open and looking at every equation he must think about in other to keep his happiness.

Before he came here to Evanthe, his happiness had been measured by when he could see Leo and Emily and how much time they had together, and, the rest of the time he was alone or feeling lonely, he was still trying to be happy by painting whatever he wanted, but he was still feeling like he was doing something wrong because society told him "no". Always someone else told him "No. Weird. Strange. You shouldn't", even his head, making him feel like he was doing something bad when in reality, now that he saw clearer, it was not that bad.

And if it was indeed bad and he had something physically wrong in his brain, fuck it, because he wasn't alone anymore and he will do whatever it took to not be alone anymore.

As he was remembering last night with his heart fluttering in his chest just like the butterflies in his stomach, he heard Jimin getting up and immediately organizing his bed. Jungkook usually took his sweet time since Jimin would shower first, but, this time, he felt too awake to wait so he sat up. Painfully. The punch in his stomach would be in full bloom today and the one on his face. He grinned. Sitting on his bed, he lifted his shirt and looked down to find it starting to get purple, but it wasn't as bad as he thought it would be.

Suddenly, he heard the tinies gasp and looked up, Jimin was looking at his bruised stomach while clutching at his own with a pained expression, then he looked up at Jungkook's face and covered his eyes with his hands, turning around. Jungkook frowned and stood, running up to see himself in the bathroom mirror. Once he did, he could understand why Jimin looked so scared. There was dried blood smeared on the side of his face from his cut lip. But it was fine now, it had healed as best as it could overnight.

He washed his face and got back to the room to see Jimin drinking from a water bottle sitting on his own bed like he was trying to calm down. Then, he looked up and walked fast to him. Jungkook was standing still while Jimin examined his face, and then his eyes went down, his eyebrows twitched in confusion for a millisecond and he lifted a finger to point at the side of Jungkook's... neck.

At once, his hands flew up to cover his neck. Oh no, Taehyung had left him, hickeys, he wanted to grin but he thought better not to in front of Jimin, so breathed and tried to keep his face blank with just a little bit of worry. Jimin looked at his eyes and opened his mouth the tiniest bit, but he closed it again and walked back to get his bag. From it, he took out a pencil case. Jungkook was confused until Jimin opened the pencil case to show him. It was makeup.

Jungkook couldn't stop himself and laughed, having to cover his mouth to do so. He wasn't laughing at Jimin or the fact that he had makeup, he was laughing at himself. How many times was he disgusted when he heard girls asking for makeup to cover a hickey some boy made? The irony.

- No, thank you, Jimin. I'll just wear a turtleneck or something. - He told him, still grinning with pain, his mouth hurting.

Jimin didn't look hurt once he heard Jungkook, which he was grateful for, and he put the pencil case back in his bag.

Organizing his bed, Jungkook felt curious as to why Jimin would have makeup, but he didn't ask him anything. Something told him Jimin had makeup to cover up serious bruises and not hickeys and it made him uncomfortable.

While Jimin entered the bathroom, Jungkook went to his chest of drawers to take his phone. He had left it there before taking a shower the day before, right after he fell asleep on the bathroom floor from crying so much.

He was in disbelief thinking of how he had run away from Taehyung when they had been at the library. If he hadn't run away, nothing bad would've happened. He wouldn't have punched Tom and ended up in the Headmaster's office if he had opened up to Taehyung like they did that same night. How stupid he had been. But he knew better now.

Looking through his phone, he checked his classes for the day.

7:00 AM/10:00 AM = History of Philosophy: 19th Century.

10:15 AM/11:15 = Love and Sex.

11:30 PM/12:30 PM = Introduction to Formal Logic.

Oh, Philosophy of the 19th Century might be fun. But nothing more fun than the class after that.

Jungkook giggled and pocketed his phone in his bag. He hadn't found anything regarding Philosophy of Love and Sex, but he doubts whether he would've read it if he found something of the sort. Now, however, it might be interesting to know a bit about it.

He grabbed a black turtleneck sweater and chose no shirt to put under it. He felt a little devilish today, empowered, more confident in his body, more comfortable in his skin, and it was all because there was someone beautiful out there, that found him desirable, that found him irresistible, that wanted to know everything about him and hear him talk about everything he had in his mind. He felt important, for Taehyung wanted him in his life forever, and he felt powerful because he could do whatever he pleased behind closed doors and no one would know. He knew it was wrong to think that way, but he really wanted to be happy, and he was happy with Taehyung, so...

It wasn't like he was a serial killer or something, he just really liked Taehyung.

Once Jimin got out of the bathroom ready to go, Jungkook got in. He showered meticulously. Today was a good day, he felt good, he felt happy, he'll meet his friends for breakfast, have interesting classes, and then meet with Taehyung. He had the power to keep everyone in the unknown about what he was doing and that put a smile on his face. He was doing something he shouldn't be doing, just like a little kid stealing some candy from the top drawer. As he looked at himself in the mirror drying his hair, he did feel disappointed about having those two bruises on him -as bruises didn't look good-, but the ones on his neck made him grin and giggle.

He walked out wearing tight jeans, and a turtleneck sweater and was just finishing up tying up his shoes when the front door opened. Tom came in. But he didn't even glance at Jungkook as he nodded to Jimin and walked out again with Jimin behind him.

- Finally, he's quiet. - Leo sighed from the door with a humorless smile.

- Immature. - Emily scoffed at Tom's retreating figure, out into the hall.

- Leave it. They should never talk to each other again. - Leo said with finality.

- Good morning to you too. - Jungkook said with a sarcastic smile, his bag over his shoulder and ready to go.

- Good morning, Kook. - Replied Leo looking at his face. - Another fight scar I see. - He said with a smile as he backed away and Jungkook walked out.

- That wasn't even a proper fight. I took not even a single drop of blood. - He turned to lock the door, disappointed.

Emily sighed.

- Why, boys? Why do you feel the need to fight? - She shook her head at both of them.

- For dominance. - Answered Leo, and the pair of them chuckled together.

- Well, I failed miserably. - Jungkook huffed while they started to walk to the glass doors.

- At least you threw the first punch. - Leo reassured him as he wrapped an arm around Emily.

- Why did you throw the first punch? - She asked.

- For dominance. - Jungkook repeated, and Leo laughed so hard that he made little Emily tremble.

- No, tell me the truth, why did you boys fight? - She looked at him seriously, just like a mom.

Jungkook looked away.

- He was talking too much shit, I had to shut him up somehow. - There was a strange sensation in his chest. He still said the truth so he had no reason to be feeling like this.

- Good. You show him who he's dealing with. - Said Leo with the air of a father feeling proud of his son. A father feeling proud...

- Oh, yeah, my father's disappointed in me... again. - Jungkook told them like it was not of much importance. There was a moment of sorrow-filled silence from the other pair as they walked to the cafeteria.

- He told you that? Right in front of–

- Yeah. - He cut her off. - And he told Professor Taehyung to keep an eye on me. - He thought it would be prudent to tell them. It was all part of that dumb plan he had at the Headmaster's office.

- A Nanny? Really? I can't believe they keep treating you like a toddler sometimes. - Leo scoffed.

- And he made me promise never to fight again. - Jungkook added, looking down.

- Never? - Leo asked, surprised. They were getting nearer to the cafeteria. - And what did you say? -

Jungkook looked up and grinned.

- That I would try. -

Leo grinned back at him. But Emily sighed heavily.

- I would also like you to stop fighting, Kooky. - Jungkook frowned down at her but she didn't waver. - You have so many better things to show off than your physical strength. You're intelligent, you're an artist, and even if you've never let me read anything you've written I know that you're good at that too because you like it when things are well done. Including the fact that you're a very good friend. - She finished with a determined nod and her head held high while she walked.

Jungkook stopped walking, grabbed her by the arm, and hugged her tight to him.

Just as he thought before, Emily's and Taehyung's hugs were different. However, that didn't make them any less special.

- Breakfast, please. - Leo said in a singsong voice by their side. Emily and Jungkook laughed and detached themselves so they could keep walking.

Breakfast was delicious, the cook didn't make him anything special (which he was grateful for) but he did put just one more french toast on his plate as he smiled kindly at him. He later gave half of it to Leo. Finn was there this morning, but he didn't talk much, he just talked whenever Leo asked him something. They looked like they'd established a civil friendship. Jungkook knew Leo wouldn't let anyone else easily into his inner circle, however, the way Leo seemed to answer Finn's eyes rather than his words made him slightly curious.

It appeared that Wednesday was the heaviest day for the Law students, just like Tuesday was for the Psychology students (which was why Emily wasn't in Jungkook's room when the fight broke off), so they couldn't meet with Leo for lunch, it would just be Emily and Jungkook. They joked about going off to the nearest city, just the thing Leo wanted to do, and they departed to their respective classes, not before agreeing on meeting at half past twelve.

The classroom he had his first class was on the same corridor as Taehyung's classroom but farther away, passing the glass doors of the Library and out into the main garden. But before he got there, his eyes lingered on the door to classroom C123. He was walking down that corridor, trying as hard as he could to not smirk because people were walking around.

His heartbeat rose with every step he took and his stomach filled with butterflies. He felt nervous, so nervous to see him again. The last moment they had together they were lost in the feeling, but now? As it was a new day and daylight made Jungkook want to cover himself, could he be the man that rolled his hips over Taehyung's? Judging by the way the mere thought of it made him, even more, self-conscious, he doubts he could. How did he turn into that person the night before? He felt so shy all of a sudden; shy and nervous; shy, nervous and self-conscious; shy, nervous, self-conscious and-- clumsy.

By being absent-minded of his surroundings he ended up tripping over his own feet. He didn't fall, but he did wake up abruptly. As he looked around to see if anybody had seen him, he nearly tripped over again, so he finally looked down at his shoes and realized he had a loose shoelace. So he stepped closer to the open door of the nearest classroom so he wouldn't be in the way of anybody walking by.

As he undid the knot to do it again, he looked around, absentmindedly. It was only when he looked inside the classroom beside him that he saw him. And his hands stopped moving.

Taehyung looked to the floor as he walked down the long steps beside the desks. He looked up to look around the classroom-- and did a double take on the door. Jungkook looked down again to finish his shoelace as he stifled a giggle and, as he got up, he saw how Taehyung was trying hard not to smile as his eyes checked up his body slowly. Jungkook's face heated up and he gave one last look into Taehyung's eyes before continuing his walk.

He had felt so confident before seeing him that morning, now he felt shy and nervous. He had to cover his mouth to physically stop himself from giggling. Looking at Taehyung and the way his eyes went slowly up his body, looking at all of him, had made him feel good but also shy. It had to be the daylight, and maybe also the fact that he was in a corridor full of people and they were doing something illegal. Just maybe.

History of Philosophy: 19th Century class was taught by Professor Rafferty Mcmillan. Professor Macmillan was a short and bald serious man that went straight to the point and used a projector to show them pictures of reference to what he was saying. Jungkook sat down next to Garrett the second he saw him but had no time to say more than hello before having to hurriedly take out his laptop. The professor had started to speak right when he closed the door at 7 AM sharp.

In a very short summary of what had been a long three hours of doing nothing but listening to the professor, he told them they will be focusing on the European philosophical tradition from 1790 to 1870, well before the end of the nineteenth century proper which means they'll only be seeing the early and middle 19th century. They'll see German idealism, Young Hegelianism, Marxism, Darwinism, positivism, utilitarianism, and Scottish common sense philosophy. Also, Friedrich Nietzsche, because it is hard to conceive of a treatment of nineteenth-century philosophy that would exclude his reflections on art, morality, and history.

In an unbiased way, Taehyung has been the best teacher so far. He explained everything about the class neatly and was easy to understand. He didn't only tell them what they would talk about in the class but also the way their work would be graded detailing which work would have which percentage on the final grade, he already told them which questions they would be working on to write essays about, the class's rules and the required texts. If any student wanted, they already had all the information necessary to skip class and still hand in a good job. But the other teachers, -even if he had only met two of the four as he missed two classes-, had done nothing but tell an introduction to the subject at large, not the class itself. Yes, he preferred Taehyung as a teacher.

Jungkook walked beside Garrett to their next class while stretching his hands.

- Jungkook. - Garrett grabbed his attention and he looked at him. - Can I ask why you have... that? - He asked, pointing at the bruise on his face. It was sort of endearing to see this muscular, tattoo-wearer, mean-looking guy being so kind and gentle.

- I got into a fight yesterday. - He grimaced, that wasn't the kind of person he wanted to be, and yet here he was.

Garrett looked like he didn't know whether to congratulate him or not, so Jungkook just looked back to where they were going. But then, Garrett spoke again.

- Alex fights a lot too but... I think we should just talk instead. -

- My friend Emily says the same thing. - Jungkook chuckled.

- Don't you think we might be right? I mean... Do you like how it looks?... Do you like how it feels? - He looked unable to find the right words. They were a few paces from the classroom door now.

- No, I don't like anything about it, but we're men, aren't we? We should be strong. - He talked in a bored voice, only repeating what he had said a million times before: Men should be strong, men should fight when necessary, men defend what they believe in, men, men, men. He's bored of it by now, but he still should say it at least for appearances.

Garrett looked slightly conflicted beside him.

Jungkook got inside the classroom followed by him and they took a seat, but before that, Jungkook was able to spot Jimin. He wasn't looking up so he didn't see Jungkook as he sat down.

He got out his laptop and was ready to begin when he looked up and saw the title of the class written on the board. Immediately, he covered his mouth so he wouldn't chuckle like an immature twelve-year-old.

The Professor was looking around, waiting for everybody to be ready before starting. He looked to be in his thirties or rather, had somewhat long curly red hair, freckles all over, translucent eyelashes, a very strong yaw covered in a very good-looking red beard, and an almighty build.

Jungkook was in awe. This man was just awestriking. The pecks, the biceps, the intimidating stare he was giving to the papers on his desk, those big, strong hands that held one of the papers so delicately, as if he was so strong that he could just break them; that's how strong he looked. And tall.

But Jungkook wasn't ogling, oh no sir he wasn't, he was just noticing these very obvious things that had all the other women giggling in their seats. Poor lad. It's just like in school with any hot teacher, but the worst thing about Uni is that the students are now older than eighteen which was the legal age.

- Good morning. - Even his voice was hot. - I'm Professor Kristofer Hoffman, and this is Philosophy of Love and Sex. Today we'll see an introduction to what this is all about. Some of you might never have heard of this subject before and that's fine but if you have never thought that it could be possible I have no idea what you're doing learning Philosophy when as phylosophers we inquire ourselves about everything that surrounds us, their beginnings, their ways, their nature, and Love and Sex is a very common part of life for it not to be a branch of Philosophy. I admit it is not a common one, there has been a low profile regarding the subject, and it is surprising given that it has been discussed since at least the time of Plato, but editors and referees believe that the field has only marginal credibility as a legitimate branch of philosophy. - As he talked he walked slowly around his desk to be standing in front of it.

He's liking the Professor so far. The way he talks about the subject sounds natural in his deep voice while he's leaning against his desk. Almost like he's telling them a story instead of instructing a class.

- And I do hope that this subject will help to promote the cause of the philosophy of love and sex. The six examples of philosophical analysis we'll talk briefly about today may attract our new philosophers to the field, and your writings may in turn increase its quality and visibility. Here, we'll analyze the nature of love and sex and discuss the many ethical and moral issues that they raise. Current work in Philosophy of Love and Sex concerns precisely such issues in applied ethics, for instance, the topics addressed by the authors of the four papers we'll discuss today: prostitution, the wrongness of rape, and other sexual misdeeds, and relationships that cross power lines in academia. Other ethical issues about sex include the morality of casual sex. -

Quite suddenly, Jungkook felt highly uncomfortable in his seat. The grin he wore before was nowhere to be seen as he lowered his head. With his peripheral vision, he noticed Garrett had turned his head to look at him sharply, so he started typing on his computer.

- Following, I'll give you a brief introductory comment on each of the essays. -

Jungkook wished he wouldn't.

- Alan Soble's paper "Sexual Use and What to Do About It: Internalist and Externalist Sexual Ethics," is the most fundamental question in sexual ethics: can we reconcile sex, in which we use another person's body for our own pleasure, with Kant's injunction to treat other people as ends in themselves and never only as means? He criticizes Alan Goldman's and Thomas Mappes' views that by using my partner sexually is fine as long as our sexual encounter involves, respectively, reciprocity and informed consent. But this is not to say that Soble defends a conservative sexual ethic. On the contrary, in an extended discussion of the position that Martha Nussbaum defends in her article, "Objectification," Soble criticizes her view precisely because it entails that casual sex is automatically wrong. -

Jungkook found himself thinking that he doesn't understand casual sex for the main reason that he can't imagine himself being so vulnerable with someone he knows nothing about or had no connection with. But he tried to stop thinking about it.

- Yolanda Estes' "Moral Reflections on Prostitution" directly takes on the liberal view that prostitution is not inherently wrong, as long as it involves a fully voluntary transaction between two autonomous adults. Proponents of this view do not deny that this condition is often not met in the real world, in which many prostitutes are underage, ruthlessly exploited by pimps, or driven by powerful drug addictions. Their point remains that it is not in principle objectionable for a prostitute to sell her sexual services. The innovation of Estes' response to the liberal view is her detailed account of the phenomenology of prostitution: the motives of the client and the prostitute, and the likely emotional consequences of their sexual encounters. Since this emotional harm to both prostitute and client is very likely to arise, engaging in this activity is problematic for both parties from both a Kantian and a utilitarian perspective. -

Jungkook sighed, thinking that he might just drop the subject that same day.

Beside him, Garrett shifted in his seat.

- Another widely held liberal view is that the government has no right to interfere with harmless self-regarding actions on the ground of their alleged immorality, as long as they are performed in private. -

This, he does agree with.

- Hart is the best-known proponent of this view and Duncan J. Richter agrees with Hart that society will not be destroyed if it tolerates behavior that the majority considers immoral. He argues, however, that people in a society that is not united by certain core values will be unable to flourish. And cannibalism, necrophilia, bestiality, homosexuality, or other practices that are almost universally abhorred would constitute such a threat to these shared values that they should not be protected from governmental interference by a "zone of privacy." -

And there it was.

He closed his lips tight. "Homosexuality: a practiced universally abhorred." A practice, a sickness, a mental illness, everything.

He'll drop the subject.

- The wrongness of rape– [...] -

Jungkook stopped listening. His fingers stopped typing. There was a ringing in his ears. And, casually, he leaned back on his chair to look like he was paying attention, for the rest of the lecture.

Jungkook's eyes kept going down the corner of his computer screen, watching as every minute changed. Until it was finally over.

Rapidly, he gathered his things and put them in his bag, ready to go to the library.

- You're excited again? - Garrett asked beside him, startling Jungkook a little bit.

- Nope, I'm just ready to get out of here. - He answered, nonchalantly.

He walked, unhurriedly, to the library and glanced at the newspapers only to ignore them again. He'd noticed a particular fear rising in the majority of his peers whenever the latest news was brought up, so he found it was better to not know anything and save himself the fear.

He took a good look around the library once he entered. He still wasn't used to the beauty of it and he loved that. Making a quick decision, he went to the philosophy section, noting as he did so that Namjoon was nowhere to be seen, and took the same book he had yesterday. Maybe one day he'll start reading it.

He went upstairs with his heart in his throat and an unstoppable smile on his face. Casually, he went inside the bookshelves and maneuvered a known way through their maze-like formation with ease and excitement every time he got nearer to the back. Once there was only one bookshelf left, his heart felt like it was about to explode. If Taehyung wasn't there, Jungkook would experience the biggest disappointment in his life and that was scary. He took one tentative step to the bookshelf and tried to peer through the books where Taehyung would be seated.

And there he was.

Jungkook's heart went ballistic with happiness. Through the books, he saw his neatly brushed dark shiny hair with spots of lighter brown in them and noticed he was looking down at a book. Jungkook, as silently as the wind, took some of the books in between them and put them on the floor to then lean in just enough to see the book he was reading. On one side of the pages, there was an illustration of a handsome youth holding a beautiful girl by the waist and they were both wearing clothes from what seemed like the 17th century. A romance book.

Jungkook smiled endearingly at the back of Taehyung's head, put the books silently back in place, and stood. The moment he appeared at the end of the bookshelf and Taehyung saw him, they both smiled hugely. Taehyung got up, leaving his book on the floor and Jungkook walked forwards to meet him, leaving his backpack on the floor against the bookshelf.

- Was that Romeo and Juliet? - He joked as he smiled endearingly up at Taehyung who laughed, shaking his head and holding his face very softly with both hands. Jungkook held his wrists, brushing his warm skin softly with his thumbs.

- It was "The Wolf and the Dove, by Kathleen E. Woodiwiss." - Taehyung looked down at his bruised cheek and caressed it with his thumb, then looked back up at his eyes. - One line from the summary caught my attention and I took the book. It went "He will risk life itself to nurture with tender passion a glorious union born in the blistering heat of hatred and war." - Then he smiled angelically while Jungkook's breathing stopped.

- Good memory. - He whispered with a soft smile, and the both of them engulfed each other in a tight hug, Jungkook with his forehead at the side of Taehyung's neck and feeling blissful in his arms.

He will risk life itself... Could he say something like that when he has kids to take care of? When he has a job and a wife and a name for himself? Just for Jungkook? To nurture their bond with tender passion? Is Jungkook immature for liking how that sounds? For liking how Taehyung wanted to have him so desperately that he would risk everything?

What could Jungkook do other than hold Taehyung tighter when he felt a gentle kiss on his hair? Nothing but adore him more.

- How was your morning? - Taehyung asked tenderly against his ear and Jungkook took a deep breath as he leaned back.

- Quite interesting. - He nodded while Taehyung sat down where he had been with a curious stare, and Jungkook went to kneel beside him.

- Tell me all about it. - Taehyung smiled.

- Ok, but first... close your eyes? - He asked tentatively and Taehyung tilted his head, but obliged. Jungkook, with all the nervousness he could ever feel, grabbed Taehyung's shoulders and held himself on his knees before-- Taehyung stopped him by grabbing his hips and he went back down, seated on his heels.

- Let me put some rules. - Taehyung opened his eyes with his breath caught in his throat. Jungkook felt a little embarrassed so he let go of Taehyung's shoulders and wrapped his arms around his middle. Taehyung saw this and shook his head. - No, no, this is just because we're at the library, and...to have some peace of mind, ok? - At that, Jungkook giggled. He hadn't had the intention of doing anything risky, but that too had been the case the night before so, maybe Taehyung was right.

- Fine, tell me. - Jungkook smiled as he looked down at Taehyung's hands on his hips, avoiding his stare with a tiny smile.

- Do not move your hips. - Jungkook covered his face as he giggled and heard how Taehyung chuckled too. - Do not use your nails, do not kiss me anywhere, do not... act curious, do not... do not bite your lip, don't talk in my ear, don't... don't, just don't, ok. - They were both full-on laughing at this point, Jungkook's face was hot behind his hands, and he let go of his face to look at Taehyung's blushing one.

- Thank you for giving me weapons. -

- Oh, no. - Taehyung sighed as he realized and Jungkook leaned closer to him, laughing with his forehead on Taehyung's shoulder. - Promise me, please. This is still a public place even if we're hidden. - Jungkook leaned back but stayed close to Taehyung making their noses one move away from touching.

- But we have been close here. - He reminded Taehyung in a whisper. Taehyung's smile went softer as he looked him close in the eyes.

- Yes, but, after last night, I might be a little more persuadable than usual and I don't want to stain this suit. -

Jungkook smirked with malice and said something he never thought he would ever have been comfortable enough to say to someone else.

- You wouldn't stain it if you took it off. -

Taehyung's eyes hardened and he clenched his teeth in a smirk, but it was the hands holding him strongly by the waist that made Jungkook stop breathing.

- You're quite bold, aren't you? -

Jungkook smirked again and looked away.

- I don't know what you're talking about. - He felt his face heat up and, after a moment of hearing Taehyung chuckling, looked back up at him. - I promise you I'll try to follow the rules. - Taehyung shook his head and looked like he was almost regretting his decision. But then sighed and closed his eyes.

- Very well then. I'll accept the consequences. - With a smile as he closed his eyes, his hands slackened on Jungkook's waist, but he didn't let go.

With his face all hot and feeling nervous but victorious, Jungkook swung his knee over Taehyung and carefully sat down, mercifully away from the crotch area. Taehyung opened his eyes again and Jungkook held his face.

- Well, as I said, today was interesting. - Taehyung smiled happily as he heard Jungkook. - First, Tom ignored me. - Taehyung's smile dropped and he nodded, Jungkook thought how Taehyung might be in agreement with Leo about this news, and he placed his hands on Taehyung's shoulders. - Next... - He thought while he fiddled with the neck of his suit jacket and noticed how it perfectly covered his hickeys with a smile. - Ah, yeah, my friends think you're my new nanny. - Taehyung did a double take.

- Pardon? -

- I told them about what happened at the office and how my father told you to keep an eye on me, and Leo said that he couldn't believe my parents put you as my nanny. -

Taehyung nodded with a frown, the mention of his father had hardened his features and his hold.

- In regards to keeping an eye on you, I took it as keeping you away from trouble. - He chuckled and Jungkook smirked. - I failed before I even began. But I will still keep you away from getting into fights. -

- I want to stay away from fights. I don't like how my face is looking at the moment. And it hurts to laugh. - He put a hand over his injured abdomen with a grimace.

- Hmm, it does look painful. - Taehyung held his face looking at his cheek. - But surprisingly, your face still looks good even with a bruise on it-- I'm not saying that it looks better, - He said, alarmed to a smiling Jungkook. - I'm just saying that you don't look bad at all. But it doesn't look good because it is a bruise and that means you're in pain-- but, but you don't look bad, it's just the bruise, but you-- you don't look bad with--... you don't look bad... - His voice trailed away as he started to get lost in Jungkook's endearing stare, unconsciously leaning closer to him.

- I don't look bad? - He asked in a whisper, tilting his head to the side as if to kiss him but never moving forward.

- Not at all. - Taehyung answered, looking like he was in a trance, smiling with one silent chuckle as he saw Jungkook's eyes.

Jungkook straightened his head and, feeling highly satisfied with the pleasant sensation in his stomach, looked down at his hands on the neck of his suit again.

- Then I had History of the nineteenth century. The Professor was so strict-looking. He closed the door right when the clock hit seven and for the whole three hours he wouldn't stop talking. But anyways, my wrists hurt when class ended, I couldn't stop typing for even a second, he was saying too many important things. And Garrett reprimanded me just like Emily had done, with the "We should talk it out instead of throwing fists'', and I agree, but Tom wouldn't listen to me when I told him to shut up, what else could I do? - He sighed, all the while looking at his hands and Taehyung answered.

- The moment you hit him it was because he said something you didn't like so it hadn't been to silence him, in a sense. But I do agree that he was being a tosser who didn't understand the words "no" and "stop it". In a situation like that, there's no good way to handle things, I'm just happy I was there to stop him from hurting you more. -

Jungkook looked up and gave him a tiny smile. Taehyung smiled back and rubbed his hands up and down Jungkook's waist, but then stopped with a slight frown. And Jungkook's heart galloped at the thought of Taehyung realizing he didn't have a shirt.

- Who's Garrett? -

Jungkook breathed again.

- A friendly classmate. I met him in Modern History, the Professor told us to talk to the person beside us for ten minutes and he wasn't the thug I thought he was. - He smiled at the memory and Taehyung looked quizzically at him. - He's tall, with tattoos on his forearms, and he's more muscle than anything. Anybody would think he's bad news. But then when he turned around to talk to me his eyes were like a puppy's. He's so different from what he looks like. -

Taehyung suddenly leaned in and kissed him on the cheek.

- I have muscles. And I'm tall. - Taehyung sounded like he was trying to tell him that he was better than Garrett, right at his cheek. Jungkook giggled, slightly confused.

- What are you trying to say? That you don't look like a thug either? I'm sorry to tell you but, you never looked like a thug to me. You look approachable, he doesn't. - He chuckled and then Taehyung leaned a little back, but just enough to look each other in the eyes.

- And you like the thug type? -

Jungkook tilted his head, confused at the question.

- What do you mean? Like... to be? Or... to look at? -

Taehyung kissed his cheek again, and those soft kisses were making Jungkook feel like he wasn't in contact with the ground.

- To look at. - He whispered in his skin. A tickling sensation flowed down Jungkook's back, bending it a little as Taehyung's hands held him tight.

- Well... my perception when it comes to people can be the same as when I'm looking at art in a museum. - He answered in a whisper while sliding his hands to the back of Taehyung's head to keep him close. - All of it is art and all of it has some sort of beauty, but it always happens that I look at a painting and I can only find one thing that appeals to me, whether it is the symmetry it has or the colors that they used, it's never the painting as a whole. But then I came across one painting. - His hands kept on sliding to hug Taehyung by the neck. - And I can't stop looking at it for hours at a time. I look at every detail, every strike of the brush, every color, shadow, and light, and I can't find one single flaw, and I can't find not one single thing I don't like, even if the painting has both beauty and horror, ...it's beautiful, and I forget about every other painting in the place. - He leaned back a little to look at Taehyung's eyes, who were looking at him with deep affection. With a hand, Jungkook took a strand of hair and softly moved it away from his beautiful face. - Not one thing I don't like. - He whispered.

- What if you do find one thing you don't like? - He asked, still smiling.

- That would be unlikely. And if I do, I still wouldn't leave. And if I do leave, I hope a truck runs me over because that would be highly stupid of me. - Taehyung frowned with an unstoppable chuckle. - But it's true. - Jungkook shrugged. - I mean... who in their right mind would want to be close to someone like me? But you've stayed. So I must too. - He said with conviction. - And not only are you kind... but you're also the most beautiful person I've ever seen in my life. - Taehyung's features filled with emotion at Jungkook's words. With this subject, he could go on without stopping. His lungs filled with air, getting ready to say it all. But then he exhaled, unable to say everything he wanted to say and instead asking softly, - How could I ever leave you? -

But what he'd been wanting to say was: "I'm aware that I still have much to know about you, I'm aware of the short time we've been together but, just thinking about getting to know you more, fills me with happiness. For the first time, I'm not having nightmares when I sleep or look at the mirror with hatred. You made life look so bright, for the past two days, I've been waking up and looking at the gray sky like it's the most beautiful thing. I can't lose this feeling. I can't lose this happiness that you've given me, I can't lose this confidence or this sense of freedom. I can't lose you."

He grabbed Taehyung's face in his hands and looked him deep in the eyes. Then, he leaned in, hid in Taehyung's neck, and told him what he couldn't keep in his chest.

- You make me feel things I never thought I could, and that frightened me at the beginning. But I'm tired of letting fear rule my life. If you want me with you, I will be and I'll do anything to keep you. I can't lose this happiness, it would destroy me. - With a deep breath, he connected their foreheads.

And then, Taehyung sighed.

- I want to tell you how I feel. - He heard Taehyung whispering. - But I don't know how to start. You're so good with words, you know what to say and how to express yourself so well. -

Jungkook chuckled, wanting to shake his head. The amount of thinking that goes into saying all those things could never be described as "knowing what to say". So he told him.

- I don't tell you everything that I want to say, only because it hardly reaches my tongue in a coherent sentence, so I organize it as neatly as I can. But you don't have to do that. You can just say everything you want to say. I'll listen to everything. - He brushed Taehyung's hair with his fingers soothingly and heard how he sighed.

- You're more than I've ever wanted. - Jungkook took a deep breath, bracing himself for the number of feelings he was sure would come from Taehyung's words. - Since I was little I knew I was different, so I never opened up to the fullest with anyone for fear of rejection. And I had a crush, but I was only able to look from afar, I couldn't talk, take care of, hold, I couldn't do anything, only look from afar. - Jungkook's heart filled with emotion. - I knew as I grew up that I would never be normal like everybody else, and with a broken heart and a longing for a family I would never have, I accepted my lonely fate. -

The way he had accepted his loneliness sounded so familiar that Jungkook closed his eyes.

- But then it seemed that the universe was trying to help me, giving me a wife and children and taking me away from him. - "Him" Jungkook's throat closed and he detached their foreheads to hug him tight, chest to chest, arms around his neck and Taehyung's around his middle. - It hurt to leave my family but it was the best thing I could think of. Though I never thought all contact would be cut. - He sighed and hid his face on Jungkook's neck. Jungkook brushed his fingers softly through his hair, hoping it helped him a little. - Those first months away were so difficult for me. Daphne took them in her stride, I felt so pathetic beside such a strong woman, all weak and thin, not doing anything but studying something I didn't choose for myself. -

- I hated my new life. Wearing suits, living in the city with all the terrible smells and the noise. The only trees were only there for decoration and I felt so much pity for them. Every time I looked out the window of a car and I saw rubbish on the floor I was filled with hatred, and every time I saw a flower shop I was filled with depression. And then I came back to the house and helped Daphne with everything she needed, but it wasn't much, she always preferred a maid to help her out, so I was alone. For everyone else I was a role model, I had a wife and children while still being young enough to enjoy every part of life to the fullest. -

- And then I thought that the universe wasn't helping me, it was punishing me for not being normal. - Jungkook turned his head and kissed him on the cheek. - Then a little light appeared in my dark sky. My kids were born. - That filled Jungkook with so much affection. - I didn't think much of the babies when Daphne was pregnant, we never had that moment of excitement when she felt the first kick or when we found out the gender, it was the opposite, when we found out they were twins I felt momentary surprised and faintly happy, but then when I saw Daphne's serious face, I couldn't smile. I had done this to her, she was suffering as much as I was or more than me even if she didn't show it, and it was because of me, I couldn't dare be happy. -

- But I couldn't contain myself when I saw them for the first time. - Jungkook could hear the faint smile on Taehyung's voice, and it made him smile too. - It was like... my heart filled with joy or... I don't know. - He sighed. - The first time I held each of them it was like my heart had melted to some degree. They were my rays of sunshine in my desolated path of sadness, and suddenly my life started to revolve around them. I had them in mind in everything I did, every decision that I made was for their benefit, and everything was about them for me. But every time they weren't with me it was like I was left hollow again because I had nothing that mattered but them, and nothing else made me happy as they did, so, when I was alone, I was depressed again. And that was how every day was for me, on and off my light went. They started to grow up faster than I ever thought possible and then they went to school. I cried the first day they had to go, they grew up too fast and now they were leaving me for longer than before. -

- Daphne and I had a terrible discussion, the worst of them all when she informed me she was planning on sending them to boarding school. I became another person, and she even looked scared for a moment, I had never before contradicted her. The only thing that mattered, in the end, was that they weren't sent to that boarding school. If they had, I don't know what would've become of me. - Jungkook sighed and leaned back a little to look him in the eyes with pain and grabbed his face tenderly. Taehyung pulled him even closer to his chest by the waist and looked at Jungkook softly, though still with a little frown at the memories.

- My life was all about them, the way I dressed, talked, worked, and even the way I started to eat and work out was all to be the best father for them. I wanted them to feel protected and loved. Every night I took them to bed with a smile, a hug, and a kiss on their foreheads, constantly reminding them how much I loved them. - Jungkook felt a ball forming in his throat.

- Even to your son? - Jungkook asked in a whisper.

- Yes. - Taehyung answered, and Jungkook knew by the look in his eyes and the strength of his hug that Taehyung knew how he must be feeling. Jungkook looked down at his shoulder to breathe and calm down, and he paid attention when Taehyung spoke again. - They both were my happiness, my lights. But when they were gone I was left with nothing. I was nothing. My worst nightmare was time, the clock ticking, the time passing and me getting old, them growing up and leaving me, Daphne and I not having anything else to stay together for, and then me, old and alone, nothing to live for and no happiness to save me, dying with no one to hold my hand. -

Jungkook couldn't at that. He hugged Taehyung by the shoulders, hiding his face in his neck as tears fell silently. That was the saddest and most real nightmare he had ever heard in his life. That was a real-life nightmare, dying alone was the worst thing Jungkook could think of, dying sad and filled with regrets. That's why he never liked to think about his future because he knew it would be just like that.

Taehyung hugged him and kissed him on the cheek for a while until Jungkook was able to calm down and lean back to dry his tears. But Taehyung beat him to it, drying them carefully with a handkerchief Jungkook never noticed he had taken out. He smiled a little. Once he was done, he kissed Jungkook on the cheek and pocketed the handkerchief again to continue the story.

- Then you came, Jungkook. - He held his face carefully, tenderly, filled with emotion. - Right when I was feeling like my world would end after leaving my children, we collided. - He chuckled tenderly, making Jungkook smile wider. - You have no idea how stupid I felt, and then I made a fool of myself saying something dumb, but you smiled, and you laughed, and I felt... so happy, just looking at you. - Taehyung was smiling so brightly when he saw Jungkook, and Jungkook felt like crying again. No one ever had said such things to him. - It was like I forgot about everything, like a weight left my shoulders, just by looking at you. Then I remembered where I was and what I was doing and I felt so, so stupid, but you were looking back at me as if to check that I was still there. - Jungkook blushed a little but didn't look away.

- I was so happy when you said you were studying Philosophy. I couldn't stop smiling at the thought of seeing you again in my classes. When I was walking through the woods that night I couldn't stop thinking of ways to talk to you. - Jungkook laughed and hugged him, making Taehyung's hands hug him around his waist. - And then when I opened my eyes and saw you sitting there, I thought I was having hallucinations. - They both laughed and Jungkook leaned back to look at him.

- I didn't want to disturb you so I sat down silently. - Jungkook explained. Taehyung shook his head and then they had a moment of silence where they just looked at each other and smiled.

- Then we talked. - Taehyung's smile got tender. - And you wouldn't look at me for more than a second. -

- You're too beautiful, what can I say? -

Taehyung chuckled and sighed heavily, looking affectionately at him.

- Talking to you felt so normal, so natural. I didn't have to think of ways to sound more mature because you were my student, and I didn't feel the need to watch my words or what I did. And then when you talked about my voice and how it resembled the creek... - His stare got meaningful as he looked deeply into Jungkook's eyes. - You had said it so beautifully, it was art. And you warmed my heart. The most beautiful person I had ever seen appeared beside me like an angel glowing in the moonlight, awakening my sleeping heart, and making it beat faster than it ever did before. -

Jungkook was completely overwhelmed, so much so that he wasn't even reacting, he was just silently staring at Taehyung without any idea of what to say, or what to do. He opened his mouth a couple of times but his breath got caught in his throat and closed it again. Slowly, he looked down at his hands on Taehyung's neck. Being told all these lovely things was so weird. Good, but weird. He felt blissful, ecstatic, euphoric, loved... It was overwhelming.

- I tried to stop it. - Taehyung continued and he looked back up at him. - I knew it was wrong of me to feel for you. I even thought you would never feel the same way for me. - Taehyung's face fell and Jungkook held his neck, making him look up at him again. - But I couldn't lose you, not when I had felt like myself again when I was with you, and I promised I would keep my distance. But I couldn't. I was like you knew exactly how I felt and reminded me that I couldn't even try to be anyone else with you. -

Taehyung brought a hand to Jungkook's face, and Jungkook tilted his head to the touch, grabbing his wrist like he likes to do. He felt loved. Jungkook felt loved. And he brought his hands to hold Taehyung's face as he talked again.

- You're more than I've ever wanted. You let me hold you, take care of you, kiss you on the cheek. Everything about you is beautiful, the way your eyes close when you smile so brightly, the way you express yourself and tell me everything you have in your mind, how strong you are to the point of being bold, how you say things like they are. And you hold me, and you hug me, and you kiss me, and you want me as much as I want you. - He kissed Jungkook softly on the cheek. - I never thought it could ever be possible, but here you are, and I can't let you go. I want to take care of you for the rest of my life. I want to love every single part of you for the rest of my life. Because you are what I've been waiting for and there's no one else like you, and I wouldn't want anybody other than you. -

Jungkook's breathing got hard, he could feel a tightness in his throat. Softly he hid his face on Taehyung's neck and tried to relax again.

Being loved... forever. Being held like this, looked at like this, kissed like this, felt this happy forever. Could that be? Could they? Could Taehyung do that? Could he? Could they? It sounded so good... It sounded too good to be true. Could they? Jungkook felt himself on the edge of tears, he desperately wanted a confirmation, he wanted the universe or God or an angel to come and give him a sign, he wanted confirmation before he let himself believe, before it was too late.

But it was indeed too late. He had been hoping since the night they met.

- ...I want that too. - He whispered.

- You do? - Taehyung sounded so hopeful, so full of emotion, and Jungkook leaned back to look deep into his eyes. He remembered all the pain he had ever felt, all the loneliness, all the tears, all the longing for someone to love him hard and in his entirety, and he took a deep breath as he saw the honesty overflowing Taehyung's eyes.

- Yes. -

Taehyung smiled, and then a tear fell. They hugged each other tightly, feeling each other's hearts against one another, holding each other and being held, crying with relief as they came to the realization that they will never be alone again.

The time they had met each other might be a brief one, but they had dreamt about the other for years. They have been longing, waiting, dreaming of being able to feel the arms of a true lover around them, protecting them every time they felt sad or alone. They always thought they would be alone forever since they never believed someone like that to be real. But this is reality, and he was here holding him, and they couldn't feel more relieved than they did now.    

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🌼Thank you for reading Chapter 16 <3

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Ela Shadow Rose 🥀

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