Oportere et Non Oportere

Should & Shouldn't

Jungkook looked at Taehyung until the last second. Then, when he closed the apartment door behind him, he fell on the couch with a wide smile on his face, or as wide as he could without his cut lip hurting him.

So much had happened today, but he only wanted to think about the present. The present was beautiful. He was lying on Taehyung's couch, in his apartment, after he had taken care of his wounds, and now he was out getting food. They're going to be together for the rest of the day.

Jungkook had to squish his cheeks so his lips would pucker and that way his wound wouldn't hurt because the wide smile he couldn't control was not helping.

He stared at the ceiling with... happiness. He was happy thanks to Taehyung, so happy to have him. When he was acting cold and distant he felt like it was the end, and then Taehyung resurfaced, he had been so worried for him and his feelings that he let himself be himself again, that was the only thing he wanted, Taehyung to be himself with him. He felt so cared for, he felt warm and loved, he felt just what he had been longing to feel since he was little. Taehyung was giving him what his parents never did.

He sat up on the couch by instinct, he didn't want to think about anything regarding sadness at the moment, but by moving so rapidly, he felt a sudden and intense pain in his stomach that had nothing to do with hunger. Looking down at his stomach, he remembered how Tom had punched him and lifted his shirt to see how it was. Right now, there was only an angry red in the middle of his upper abs, but it'll turn purple in about two days, just like his face. He'll have to put ice on that fast if he doesn't want it to look even worse.

He looked up to the coffee table and saw the frozen bag of gel Taehyung had left there, it was sweating and getting the table wet. He took it, shaking some droplets of water on the table, and then put it over his stomach. The coffee table will get stained if he doesn't dry that water soon. Jungkook stood from the couch, holding the bag to his stomach, and walked to the kitchen to see if there was a rag somewhere. At first sight, there was none, so he started to open drawers and cabinets. He was shocked at how empty everything was, just one pan, one plate, one cup, and one cabinet filled with silver cutlery.

He opened the fridge and it was also empty but for a bag of coffee. He opened the refrigerator and saw a bag of ice and a bag of frozen veggies. He took the frozen veggies to put on his face and closed the refrigerator again, shaking his head. Taehyung deserved to have the best in the world, and here he was with his fridge empty, couldn't some worker buy this stuff for him? Did he have to buy everything from scratch? What if he was busy?

Jungkook was going to the other side of the room to where the bathroom was to take a towel and stopped again, looking at the boxes. They were all named with letters, one with an S, one with a BD, four with a C, and ten with a B.

Ten with a B? What could that be that there are so many of them? Curiosity was one of Jungkook's characteristics that despite all the bad experiences it had caused him, he had yet to learn how to be cautious with it. Despite the nerves it caused him to even think about going there and opening one of those boxes, his feet started to move to the nearest box with the letter B and his brain was already speculating what that letter could mean.

He kneeled beside the box and put the two cold packs on the floor beside him. He grabbed the nearest box wanting to shake and see, but he couldn't lift it, so he decided that there must be books inside. With a somewhat triumphant smile, he stood, took his cold packs, and kept walking to the bathroom.

When he got there, he looked at himself in the mirror and grimaced. He still looked terrible, but... somehow not as much as before. Maybe it was the lack of smeared dried blood on the corner of his face. He took a towel, draped it on his shoulder, and started to go back to the living room, passing by the bedroom. His eyes lingered on the slightly ruffled bed and misplaced pillow until his feet stopped moving.

Organizing the bed covers won't do any harm, would it?

He walked back to the desk between the bathroom door and the nightstand and left the cold packs over the towel so they wouldn't wet the wood. Then, he got to the bed and straightened up the covers. He wasn't one to fuss a lot about keeping things tidy, he just liked to see everything organized, it just looked prettier that way. As he finished straightening up the pillow, he looked at the big and comfortable-looking bed and smiled. He was happy to know Taehyung was comfortable when he slept. Then he rounded the bed, back to the desk.

Getting to the living room, he began to dry the coffee table, but then, a thought came to him. What if he organized Taehyung's books for him? He looked to the side at the boxes. It wasn't a bad idea, he could do that for Taehyung, maybe he hadn't been able to organize them himself, couldn't he help him a little? Taehyung had been kind to him, couldn't he return the favor?

But what if Taehyung had not organized anything because he has a plan he wants to follow? He would spoil it if he did it himself and that's not kind at all. And even if he didn't have a plan and he hadn't done it because he had been busy, moving Taehyung's stuff around without his permission like they were his own was bad manners.

He'll ask Taehyung if he needs help when he gets back but he won't do anything without his permission, going so far as to touch his bed without his knowledge has been disrespectful already.

He sat down on the couch again after cleaning the table and decided on just waiting for Taehyung to arrive.

Sitting there on the couch, with a bag of frozen veggies held to his face and one of frozen gel to his stomach, he looked around the apartment and found himself redecorating it in his head. There was just so much white wall and no curtains on the big windows that it looked like the place needed some color. Aside from the dark-brown furniture, everything else was clear and empty; so empty of life that he started to muse on how lonely it felt.

He wasn't feeling lonely himself because he knew Taehyung was on his way back, but if he wasn't coming, he would feel really lonely. Did Taehyung feel lonely here? Jungkook's mind went to the night they met and remembered how Taehyung had been seated on that bench with his eyes closed. He had preferred to take a walk than to be in here, and Jungkook couldn't blame him.

It made him sad to think Taehyung was feeling lonely so he refrained from doing so.

The bag of gel was now completely melted and the remaining cold couldn't pass the layer of his t-shirt, so he got up and went to the kitchen to leave the two bags back in the freezer. It was right when he was carefully seating back on the couch that he heard keys unlocking the front door.

He jumped up to his feet and immediately after, doubled over in pain, catching himself with the arm of the couch and grunting.

The door closed.

- Are you alright? - Taehyung's worried voice resounded in the apartment as he hastened to his side.

- Yeah, yeah, don't worry. - Jungkook was trying to control the butterflies as he saw Taehyung leaving a big, brown paper bag on the coffee table, then stepping in front of him, still looking worried.

- What hurts? - He grabbed him by the cheeks delicately and looked him in the eyes. Jungkook let out a breath that had nothing to do with the punch and grabbed Taehyung's hands to press them a little more securely to his face.

- Would you believe me if I said "your absence"? - Jungkook smiled up at him and saw his worry ebb away as it was replaced by endearment.

- No. - He smiled down at Jungkook's slight pout, then his expression hardened. - Tell me, where else are you hurt? - Jungkook lowered one hand over his abdomen.

- Just the two places. Nowhere else. -

Taehyung let go of his face and tried to touch the injured area, but then he stopped himself right when Jungkook's heart had stopped beating. Then he returned his hand to Jungkook's cheek with a sigh.

- I really hate violence. - He shook his head. - I'll go get you some ice. - He was about to let go of his face when Jungkook grabbed him by the wrists to keep him in place.

- No need, I already put some ice on both. The gel bag is refreezing. - Taehyung moved back the step he had moved away with a nod. And, as he remembered, Jungkook looked up at him with a serious expression. - Talking about the fridge... - Taehyung seemed to understand immediately what he was talking about since he lifted his eyebrows, like a kid that's been caught doing something bad. Jungkook nodded. - I want to talk about that later. -

Taehyung chuckled, looking slightly embarrassed as he averted his eyes. Then, Taehyung's eyes fixed upon something behind Jungkook, and Jungkook knew what it was. Behind the couch, there was an empty bookshelf through which the bedroom could be seen. Taehyung was looking at his newly organized bed, and he lifted his eyebrows once more, but this time, in amusement. He looked down, smiling softly at Jungkook's nervous and slightly ashamed face.

- You roamed around the apartment I see. - Jungkook clenched his teeth and looked down, but then Taehyung's soft grasp brought him back up. - Why did you organize the bed? I'm just asking to make sure you didn't feel pressured nor obliged to do so, since you were neither. - The soft tone of voice calmed Jungkook, and he answered with a smile and a shrug.

- I like when things look pretty. -

Taehyung smiled widely at him.

- Then I'll make sure everything looks pretty next time you come here. Now, let's eat or my head will start hurting. - Taehyung let go of Jungkook's face softly to turn around and grab the paper bag, without having any idea of how many butterflies Jungkook's stomach had at the mention of a next time. After some doe-eyed seconds, Jungkook followed Taehyung to the dining room.

- Does your head hurt when you don't eat? - Jungkook asked, curious.

- Yeah. - He grimaced. - And my mood gets crappier. -

- "-er"? As if it ever is. - Jungkook scoffed amusingly while Taehyung chuckled, shaking his head. - I get really slow. And numb. - He grimaced, and Taehyung chuckled again. When they arrived at the table, Taehyung put the paper bag down on it and stared at Jungkook with a nervous sort of look.

- I hope you like Caesars Salad. - He looked unsure, maybe it was he who didn't like it as much. Jungkook grinned.

- Yeah, I love it. - Jungkook giggled with a nod, holding onto the back of the chair beside the head of the table where Taehyung will sit.

- Good, cuz there was nothing else. - Laughing, he took out two plastic plates covered with plastic wrap, two sets of plastic forks and knives, and two bottles of water. - Bon appetit. - Said Taehyung opening his arms like a showman.

The sound of French while looking at something very non-biodegradating reminded him of a French teacher he had at school that was always angry. So he repeated the words he and his classmates unwillingly learned by heart.

- On pourrait penser qu'avec autant d'argent, ils paieraient pour quelque chose de beaucoup plus durable que cela. - He said, looking down and shaking his head disapprovingly like that teacher, and then moved his chair to sit down. Right when he was ready in his chair, he looked to the side and saw Taehyung looking down at him with wide eyes. - What? -

- You just... - Taehyung laughed. - Was that french? - Taehyung moved his chair to sit down too as Jungkook was looking at him with confusion.

- I learned it at school. You don't speak french? -

- Should I? - Taehyung took one of the plates to start unwrapping it, and Jungkook imitated him.

- Well, no, I mean, I thought you spoke French since you said bon appétit. -

Taehyung laughed.

- Everyone says that, Jungkook. But I am impressed with how you speak it so fluently. What did you say just now? - They finished unwrapping their meal and Jungkook looked down at his own with a slight blush on his cheeks.

- Just... something our French teacher used to say a lot. "You would think with that much money, they would pay for something much more sustainable than that." - Jungkook took his plastic fork while Taehyung shook his head, impressed. - What other languages do you speak? You have to know at least two to work here--... - He cut himself short as he had remembered his father telling them about that. Anything he knew regarding the University was because of his parents talking about it. Right now he wasn't sure how to feel about them. He concentrated instead on the piece of chicken he neared to his mouth and Taehyung's voice.

- English is my second language. - Taehyung said and then started to eat. Jungkook looked at him confused, but once he remembered, he nodded and swallowed what he had in his mouth.

- Korean. - Taehyung nodded. - Say something in Korean. - Jungkook smiled expectantly at him and Taehyung swallowed, smiling too.

- Mh, what should I say... I haven't spoken it since... - He trailed away as he looked at Jungkook's softly smiling face with endearment and then said with a smile. - Naneun dangsin-ui misoleul salang haeyo. -

Jungkook's smile grew in amazement.

- Wooow. What did you say? - They both laughed and Jungkook was looking expectantly at Taehyung. But the latter looked down at his meal.

- Learn Korean and you'll find out. - He kept eating, leaving an open mouth Jungkook at his side.

- That's not fair. - They chuckled and kept eating.

After a while in comfortable silence, Taehyung talked again, rather tentatively.

- Jungkook, - He grabbed his bottle of water. - something has me concerned. -

Jungkook looked at him and swallowed.

- What is it? - He saw him trying to speak but not finding the right words to start, so he grew worried. - Tell me. -

- Your... Parents... -

Jungkook's face went blank and he looked to the side, grabbing his bottle too.

- What about them? - He muttered.

- ...What kind of parents are they? -

Jungkook grimaced, not knowing how to answer.

- They're... - Several memories flashed into his mind; the screaming, the crying, the locking up in his room, but also the laughs and family moments they've had together, contradicting anything he thought to say. - I don't know. - He looked down, moving his salad around. - They were absent most of the time like every other, but they were there...? They weren't that affectionate, but they still told me they loved me...? Tough love?... We've had really good times together... after my thirteenth birthday. - He sighed, frowning. - They said they cared about me, but... No, I can't even say that they didn't show it because they did, in their own way, but they did. They were there even if only through their workers, but they were still there. They were oblivious to some of the things that were happening, like the time I--... - He cut himself short with a horrified expression he failed to clear fast enough and looked at Taehyung to see if he had noticed that. He had. He looked alarmed. Jungkook averted his eyes again. - Well, they always said they were busy, that's why I was mostly taken care of by the maids. Could you ask something more specific? - And, frowning slightly, he kept eating.

- Ok... What did you do that they were oblivious about? - Taehyung asked in a low voice laced with worry.

Jungkook gulped and took some water to help him get some time before answering.

- That's also not specific. But what I was thinking just now was the time when I was twelve and I had depression. And they didn't know about it until it was diagnosed as Situational Depression. - He said this while looking down at his half-empty plate. Talking about any kind of psychological or mental problem was sort of taboo.

- Twelve? - Taehyung asked, breathlessly. Jungkook looked to the side as an impulse and regretted it. Taehyung looked so worried that he himself felt worried, and they were talking about something that happened years ago. - And they knew nothing? -

- Well, they did ask me what was wrong but it was after I... started to... - He trailed away again, frowning, it wasn't only hard to talk about it because of the subject, it was also hard because of who he was telling it to. Taehyung looked more worried by the second.

- After what? What did you do? Jungkook... -

- Nothing bad, don't worry. - Jungkook hastily tried to reassure him, but if anything he looked even more worried. - I'm here, am I not? - He tried to smile widely, but hissed and brought a hand to his face, his cut lip was stiff now, and harder to move. Reminding Taehyung of why it was that he started to fight in the first place. Taehyung looked like he had felt the pain himself.

- Were you... planning not to be here? - He frowned.

When Jungkook understood, he sat straighter in his chair and grabbed Taehyung's fist with his right hand.

- Never. - It was the truth. He never actively planned not being any longer. Taehyung looked down at his right hand, his knuckles had previous scars and right now they were tinted with an angry red for the punch he gave to Tom. The talk about taking your own life was the most taboo of all subjects regarding mental disability. Because of how often that happens.

- What did you do that they finally saw something was wrong? - He asked low, opening his fist to grab Jungkook's hand softly. And, as gently as he could he tried to turn Jungkook's hand, inconspicuously trying to look at his wrist.

Jungkook let him, knowing there was nothing there.

- My appetite was not the best. I wasn't looking as healthy as the last time they saw me. - His skin had a sickly yellow look to it, his cheeks had been hollow, his eyes had purple bags under them and he was walking with a hunched back, not talking and not doing anything else but school and crying. When he saw Taehyung wasn't saying anything, he chose to tell him more about what happened. - We moved here right before classes started, And because they wanted to do a perfect first semester, they moved to Ebanthe. Two months later, they came back to visit, and... my mom broke down crying. My father couldn't even look at me. And I was sent to therapy. I finally told them I needed my family and we had the best Christmas of my life. That was it. -

That had also been the last one they had like that.

When Jungkook looked up again, Taehyung was looking down at their hand, frowning as he caressed his knuckles with a gentle thumb.

- I also had a time when it was hard to eat. - Jungkook frowned and tightened his grip on Taehyung's hand. Taehyung took a deep breath and smiled gently. - But you can't really skip meals when you're trying to teach your kids how to eat properly, so I had to stop doing that. - He chuckled, and Jungkook smiled sadly. Then Taehyung sighed. - I'm sorry if I got... overly protective again. -

- No, don't worry, I get it. - Jungkook shook his head with a tiny smile. Then, trying to lift the mood, he let go of Taehyung's hand to keep eating and saw him smiling too.

They were silent for a while until Jungkook remembered the promise they made.

- You said you would tell me how you got to my room. -

Taehyung smiled and swallowed.

- Yeah, I forgot. - Jungkook nodded and waited. - Well... well, well, well, I went there... - It was like he was either trying to remember or trying to find the correct words. - Well, truthfully, I went there in the first place because I was worried about you. - Jungkook first was surprised and then he remembered why he had left the library and closed his eyes shut, swallowing and covering his face with embarrassment.

- Oh, no. Let's change the subject. -

- Hey. - Taehyung called him softly and then he felt how he grabbed his wrist, caressing it with his thumb. - Don't be ashamed. -

Jungkook cringed.

- I am, I am, I truly am, and I don't want to talk about it. -

- Ok. - Taehyung grabbed his other wrist and softly moved them away from his face. - Then we won't. - At that, Jungkook took a deep breath and opened his eyes, to see Taehyung's reassuring smile. Jungkook averted his eyes again, taking his hands out of Taehyung's. He still felt highly embarrassed.

- So, you just went to look for me and... Ugh - He held his head with a hand on his forehead, not only embarrassed but disgusted too. - And you found me like that, ok, lovely. - By "that", he meant in very close proximity to Tom, on the bed. Jungkook shook his head. - I'm the epitome of embarrassment right now, let me just hide under the table for a while. - Taehyung chuckled and grabbed him by the shoulder.

- Jungkook, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. - Jungkook looked at him incredulously. - You don't need to feel embarrassed with me. I was worried you would feel that way, or any other terrible way, that's why I went. And talking about how I found you, well, it wasn't your fault. - At that last bit, Taehyung's expression changed to anger, and that surprised Jungkook, remembering how he had taken Tom away from him and smashed him against the wall.

- You said you hated violence. - He mused with a frown, confused more than anything.

Taehyung let go of his shoulder.

- I do. I can hate violence and still be protective, can't I? - He said and then continued eating his salad. Jungkook was about to ask something when Taehyung suddenly frowned and swallowed hastily. - Incidentally, why was he that close? -

Jungkook took a deep breath, not wanting to discuss it.

- He was trying to get me to tell him something. - He shrugged, dismissively. But Taehyung looked like he was waiting for more.

- He asked me what I did to you. -

- Don't... think about it. You did nothing, he was just being an idiot, that's all. - Jungkook finished his salad and started putting everything back in the bag.

- No, I don't think that's all. - Jungkook leaned back in his chair and tried to ignore responding to that by drinking water. - You told me you went back to your room the night you ran away, why didn't you tell me something happened before you got to your room? - No answer. - And today, why didn't you let us talk about what happened before you left? - No answer. - Jungkook, could you please stop downplaying what happens to you? I want to be the one who's there for you when you're in pain, but how can I when you don't tell me you're in pain? -

- ...You're here now. - Jungkook looked to the side and saw Taehyung frowning, about to keep talking, but he cut him off. - I just don't see the point of worrying you with information when one of your hugs makes me feel ten times better. So much better, in fact, that I don't need to vent out the pain anymore because I don't have any. - Then he looked down at the bottle in his hands.

- I still want to know everything that happens to you, even if you're not worried about it anymore, just tell me about it like you're telling me about your day. - Jungkook saw him asking for reassurance, and he sighed.

- Ok, only if you do it too. - At that, Taehyung smiled like he had been expecting nothing less, and then nodded.

- Fine. - And he kept eating the last remaining of his meal.

- Yeah, if I'm going to be in an embarrassing position, so do you. - Taehyung grinned and dumped everything but the bottle inside the bag, getting up. - Do you have any other embarrassing questions for me? - Jungkook asked, ginning. And Taehyung chuckled.

- Yeah. Let me see where he hit you. - His smile disappeared as Taehyung went to leave the bag in the kitchen.

- T-That's not a question. -

- I need to know how bad it is. - Taehyung said while he was in the kitchen, speaking a little louder so he could hear right.

- It looks like any other punch in the stomach. - Jungkook got up as Taehyung neared the living room, sighing deeply.

- I'm going to try to ignore how familiarized you are with these kinds of wounds. Regardless of how bad it is, you should apply this to it, - He bent down over the coffee table to take the ointment. - so it'll heal faster. - Stepping closer, he passed him the ointment. Then, with a softer expression, he grabbed Jungkook's face and caressed his cheeks. - It hurts to see you hurt. -

Jungkook grabbed Taehyung's wrist with his free hand.

- That's why I prefer not to tell you about it. I feel worse when you're in pain.-

Taehyung shook his head.

- This will just be a never-ending discussion but it'll end right now, you are still going to tell me everything that happens. - Jungkook frowned. - Please. - Jungkook's expression softened and he ended up nodding to those bright worry-filled eyes. Then he all but fell into his chest, grabbing at his suit jacket with his free hand and hiding his face in his neck. Taehyung wrapped his arms around him, and he sighed. - I care so much about you. So much. -

- Even if we have only met for three days? -

He heard a faint chuckle near his ear.

- What is time but something mundane compared to what we have? - Now both of them were laughing softly. Then Jungkook, feeling a wave of emotion overpowering him, opened his arms and hugged back for the first time.

It felt even better than being hugged. He wasn't only being held by someone he cared about, he was holding that same person. It felt so good, warm, safe, lovely, sweet, caring,... It felt like home.

He was home.

- Thank you. - Taehyung sighed. Again, that gratitude that only Taehyung could speak melted him. He straightened up his head until he was beside Taehyung's ear.

- Thank you. - And he hugged him even tighter. But he flinched and his forehead fell on Taehyung's shoulder as he wrapped an arm around his own torso.

- Sit down and put that on, ok? - Taehyung slid his hands to his waist which made a tickling feeling flow down his spine. He straightened up from Taehyung's shoulder and looked up at his face, holding his breath.

- Ok. - He exhaled with a dizzy nod and looked behind Taehyung to the couch, but neither of them moved. He looked back at Taehyung, slightly confused.

- Are you cold? - Taehyung asked with a frown and then brushed his thumbs against his sides. He was only wearing a t-shirt. Jungkook's breath caught in his throat at that particular feeling, and his hands grabbed Taehyung's, stopping what he was doing. Embarrassed, he looked down and tried to breathe properly. - I'm sorry. - Taehyung sounded appalled with himself. - I shouldn't have--

- No, no, don't worry. - Jungkook hastened to reassure him, but with his breath still caught in his throat, it was hard to make it sound believable. - It's just... - Strange, weird, foreign. - ...New...? - His voice shook slightly.

- Does it make you uncomfortable? - Taehyung asked, carefully.

Jungkook had to think that one over.

- No. It's just... new. - He was calmer now and his breathing had started to become more normal; with less tension on his shoulders and a softer grasp on Taehyung's hands. - Just like every new touch, it's just new, and because it's new, I get... tense. It's foreign, but not bad. No touch of yours has ever been bad, just new. - He finished and then sighed, calming down the last bit of tension he had, and finally looking up. Taehyung was looking down at him, his eyebrows moving between endearment and worry, and it looked like he didn't know what to do.

- I don't think I get it. So do you feel tense and uncomfortable or...? -

- No. - Jungkook said firmly, looking unwavering at his eyes. - It was just unexpected and new, ok? It feels good. - Jungkook waited for Taehyung to nod, but it never came, he just frowned and looked down at his hands holding his waist.

- You have never been touched like this? -

- Well, it's not really customary for a man to be held by the waist, is it? - He tried to make a joke of it, and it almost worked. He saw the corner of Taehyung's mouth twitch, but when he lifted his gaze, it was still hard.

- Should I not touch you like this? -

Jungkook sighed. He all about had it with all the fighting he went through in his own head. Should? Shouldn't? Jungkook opened his mouth and spoke.

- No, you shouldn't. - Jungkook only grabbed him harder in place. - You also shouldn't hold my face as softly as you do. - Taehyung looked at him, confused. - You shouldn't hug me and make me feel like nothing could ever hurt me, you shouldn't caress me like I'm the most delicate being in the world, you shouldn't smile at me like I put the sun in the sky, you shouldn't make me feel the happiest I've ever been, and most certainly, you shouldn't be the reason why I feel the way I feel, because it's wrong. -

Jungkook lifted one hand to Taehyung's face and caressed it with his thumb.

- I also shouldn't do a lot of things. I could get in serious trouble for just half of them. - He got a tiny step closer and grabbed Taehyung's face with both hands, Taehyung was looking down at him with a deep and soft feeling that Jungkook couldn't put a name to, but it was beautiful, it was between pain and love. - We really shouldn't be doing any of this. - He brushed a strand of hair out of Taehyung's face and tucked it behind his ear. - It's really wrong. - He said in a hush and looked up at Taehyung's desperate eyes.

What he said, he believed it. He told nothing but the truth and they both knew it. But also his caresses were honest, the endearment in his stare could not be faked, and the affection in Taehyung's eyes was nothing less than real.

- We should stop this. - As Taehyung said it, his hands got slightly tighter on Jungkook's waist, stopping his breathing for a second as he nodded. - If you tell me to stop, I'll stop. If you tell me to leave, I'll be nothing but your Professor. If you tell me you never want to see me again, I'll find another job. - Taehyung said this as he shook his head.

- And if I tell you to stay? - Jungkook asked him in a hush, caressing his face and frowning at him. Taehyung's frown disappeared as he looked down at Jungkook. - "Should and shouldn't", those two words have been my teachers in life, and you told me that I'm not me because of what I was taught but because of what I chose to do with those teachings, and right now... I choose to ignore them. - Jungkook shook his head. - I'm tired of having meltdowns because I felt good with you. I'm tired of being ruled by other people's expectations rather than my own feelings. I'm tired of being tired, Taehyung, and I'm tired just thinking about leaving you to cry again for my wrongdoings. -

Taehyung looked at him with a deep affection that reached his heart, making it resonate hard in his chest.

- I can't believe the best thing that's ever happened to me it's also the wrongest. - Taehyung said in a low voice, and then he caressed his waist with his thumbs again, this time Jungkook only gasped slightly, and liked the feeling entirely. He looked up at Taehyung's face with affection as he caressed his soft cheek.

- I... - He didn't know what to say, or at least what to say first.

He had so many things in his mind coming from his heart that he didn't know the meaning of so he couldn't put words to them. But Taehyung smiled nevertheless like he had felt those emotions himself and then connected their foreheads, making Jungkook look down at the space in the middle and Taehyung's hands on his waist, also, the ointment had slipped from his grasp and was now laying on the floor without him having noticed it. They were like this for a while, until Taehyung sighed and spoke.

- Could you please show me where he hit you? -

Jungkook had a feeling something like this would happen when he saw the ointment on the floor, so he complied with a sigh. He lowered a hand from Taehyung's face and to the hem of his shirt, Taehyung let go of his waist and placed his hands over his shoulders instead. Jungkook grasped his shirt with a fist and felt his stomach fluttering while his heart was beating fast in his chest, then he slowly lifted it. Under the palm of his other hand, he felt how Taehyung clenched his teeth, and when Jungkook arrived at the bruise they both hissed in pain. It was darker than before, a dark red the size of a fist in the middle of his abdomen.

- It didn't look like this the last time I saw it. - Jungkook said, and then, once again Taehyung neared a hand to the injured area. But, before he could touch it, he stopped and pointed at the ointment on the floor.

- Put it on. - He said softly and then detached their foreheads.

As Jungkook straightened his stare he saw Taehyung turning around and walking back to the coffee table. Jungkook kneeled and took the ointment, feeling a little let down that it hadn't been Taehyung the one to put in on him. He unscrewed the tap and then glanced at Taehyung who had taken the first aid kit and turned to the kitchen to leave it there. Still kneeling on the floor, he took some of the ointment and applied it to the injury in circling motions while the hand holding the bottle also held his shirt up.

They had just agreed that what they were doing was bad, and they also unspokenly agreed that they didn't want to stop. He felt elated and scared. No, he didn't feel scared, he had just said it before, it wasn't uncomfortable, it was just new. It's unknown to Jungkook, that's why he feels cautious when thinking about whatever they were doing, but it's not bad. Well, it is bad for a lot of reasons, but even if it's wrong, it didn't feel like it.

Why was it wrong that he felt happy? Why was it wrong that it felt good? Because they were both men?... Yes, that's exactly the problem. But then that would unravel his other problem, on how he wouldn't like it to be any other than Taehyung, even if it was wrong, bad, or even sick.

They both felt good and no one was getting hurt, that's all that matters.

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🌼Thank you for reading Chapter 13 <3 Happy new year (>3<)<3 

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Your devoted writer,

Ela Shadow Rose 🥀

Go ahead with the next Chapter ->->->