Vera et Falsa

Truths & Lies

Walking slowly and uncaring while he ate his breakfast, he'd put on his coat to protect himself from his mounting anxiety. He'd known this was coming, that's why he didn't want to leave. Like the first time he painted the torso of a man, and he cried hysterically for half an hour because he knew he shouldn't have done it. He was waiting for that mountain of regret to hit him, feeling more paranoid every second it didn't. He looked for bathrooms on the way just in case he needed to hide and ate slowly so he wouldn't trigger himself into throwing up. And still, nothing happened.

Instead, he felt rather giggly. More anxious about feeling anxious than because of what he'd done. Touching Taehyung had put a new perspective on life. Warmth was yet to stop flowing up and down his body, making him hyper-aware of the hand he wasn't using to eat.

Jungkook had felt a connection of sorts with Taehyung since the first instant they met. In the beginning, he thought the connection was due to him feeling amazed by his beauty, but then, on that clearing, Taehyung's presence, his voice, his laugh, and his words, all about him made him feel at peace, almost like they were meant to meet.

He usually didn't believe in that sort of thing. In destiny. But the facts were there right in front of him.

He had never felt completely at peace, not even in his own room. He started to "sneak out" at night to try to find a place he could be completely alone, without the fear or paranoia stopping him from venting out his feelings in any way, but no such place was ever found.

Leo and Emily were his best friends, he would do anything for them, be anyone for them, he had no idea and didn't even want to think about what could have happened to him or who he would've become if it wasn't for their friendship. But truly opening up to them had never felt easy. It wasn't their fault that he had things that were hard to say or even think about, it wasn't their fault that he felt scared every time he didn't know how they would react to something, it wasn't their fault that he couldn't feel safe with anyone anywhere.

Or so he thought until he met Taehyung.

When he sees him he sees acceptance, kindness, tenderness, and protection; when he hears him talk he feels relaxed, when he laughs, he feels happy, when he's with him, he feels safe. He never thought it could be possible.

There's simply no logical explanation that this stranger he met barely a day ago, was able to make him feel like he'd never felt before. Or make him do what he never thought he'd ever do.

Jungkook smiled up at the chandelier, placing his left hand over his heart.

When he got to the door of "Human Nature", having finished with his food, he stood still. He had checked and rechecked the classroom number to make sure it was indeed C202. But even if he was sure it was there, his feet couldn't move. One moment his head had been in the clouds and then a moment later he was faced with the classroom door of a class he was twenty minutes late. He could hear the Professor, it was a woman by the sound of it, and she was talking at the moment. If he entered the classroom right now, all the attention would be moved to him.

Jungkook took a step back from the door. He didn't want all that attention. He couldn't go in, not now, he'll just have to ask Jimin to show him his notes or something. Jungkook slowly started to step away from the door, and then stopped again. What if she had a list of names and knew that he, the son of the Headmaster, missed her first class?

He grimaced at himself. He was an adult now, just because his parents were within walking distance doesn't mean they'll suddenly care more than they did when he was at school. Also, the class began a long time ago, he wouldn't understand the thread of it at this point. He knows he told Taehyung he'll go to his class, but really, what's the point? If he went in he'd feel terrible, but if he went to Taehyung he'd feel better. There's really just one obvious decision to make in this situation.

With confidence, he walked away from that door and back to where he came from. Should he go back to his classroom or go wait for his friends at the cafeteria? That would be the most logical decision, but what if the cook was there? Or someone else he knew? No, he wanted to be with Taehyung, that's all he wanted to do.

He got to classroom C123 and slowly opened the door, just to make sure that Taehyung was alone and he wasn't barging in on something important. But the classroom was deserted, he opened the door to the fullest and got in, but there was no one there, no papers on the Professor's table either. Where would Taehyung have gone? He couldn't be in a meeting, could he?

Could he be at the library? It would be easier to check if he was there than to look for him in meeting rooms like a lost boy. Having made a decision, Jungkook started walking to the library.

The library's side doors were like the ones in the Student's living area, three glass double doors. He got in and walked while looking at the dark brown, polished, wooden floor but, when he looked up, he froze. It was the first time he got into that library and the moment he could see the interior properly, he felt winded. There was a reason why the University of Evanthe's library was so widely acclaimed.

It was huge, enormous, massive, tremendous, great, vast, pick your adjective, but in Jungkook's mind there was only one word, "...beautiful". He had never seen so many books in just one place, of every color, every size, every age, there were old-looking books displayed behind glass, and wooden tables upon wooden tables to study with their own lanterns. But the lights were off, there was natural light illuminating from the ceiling three floors high. The vast majority of the ceiling, or at least what Jungkook was able to see from his stationary position near the door; was made of glass, and the building itself seemed to be shaped like a cross.

To his right, he heard someone whistle.

He turned his head with a snap to look. But there was no one there, there were very few people in the library and they were all either reading or sleeping, and no one was looking at him. Then, he heard it again on his right, and this time he looked up to the next floor.

Someone was hiding behind the railing of the floor above.

The railing was made of thick, beautifully carved wood, so anybody could be concealing behind it, the only thing he could see were hands holding onto the railing. Jungkook waited to see if the person came out again to whistle.

A tentative head with dark hair slowly rose from under the railing to see if Jungkook was watching, and at that moment, Jungkook saw a pair of unmistakable, shining, dark eyes. Then the eyes widened when they connected with Jungkook's and he went completely under the railing, hiding away.

Jungkook had to put a hand over his mouth to stifle a fit of giggles, and he looked around, but not a single soul had witnessed that aside from him.

When he said he wanted to be with Taehyung instead of Mr. Kim, this is what he meant.

The second he saw the nearest staircase, he ran for it and went upstairs with the biggest smile on his face. He got to the second floor, but he saw no one hiding under the railing. Jungkook giggled again, and, seeing a round table at his right with a leather briefcase, he left his bag there and went to seek through the rows of bookshelves, walking as softly as he stifled his laughter.

Movement from the corner of his eye made him look. Someone had entered what looked like a maze of bookshelves. Smiling, he ran inside. Row after row, a movement, a sound, a low chuckle decided his next move, and books flashed beside him as he ran with a smile and a hard beating of his heart. Then, breathing rather hard, he noticed that he had arrived at the last row, there was just one last aisle before the final wall that marked the end of his hunt. He looked from between the thick books one opening at a time, to see if he had finally cornered him. And the moment he saw him, he smiled.

Taehyung didn't know he was looking at him, he was looking the way he came, breathing deeply, and waiting, with the biggest smile on his face, for Jungkook to arrive.

That... was a beautiful sight.

- Boo - Jungkook said low thru the books and Taehyung startled, backing up till his back was against the next bookshelf, looking straight at Jungkook with wide eyes, and then he put a hand over his mouth to silence his laughter.

Jungkook rounded the bookshelf and neared Taehyung with a smile. It was a dead end, that was why Taehyung was looking the way he came and couldn't get out from the other side.

- I win. - Said Jungkook, smiling triumphantly as he got in front of Taehyung and leaned against the bookshelf paralleling him.

- I would've won but I barely know the place. -

- Aha, blame it on the place, alright. - They both laughed looking at each other.

Taehyung's eyes were shining like he had stars in them, and Jungkook couldn't stop looking at him. This Taehyung, the genuine one, made a flutter grow in his stomach.

Jungkook felt different somehow. Yesterday he was thinking that feeling this way, this happy, this free with Taehyung, was wrong; he felt like there had to be something wrong because there was no logic in any of it. But something was different today, something was different. He still knew it was wrong, but he was happy as he thought of how hidden they were in this secluded corner of a huge and almost lonely library.

Taehyung chuckled again.

- Weren't you supposed to be in class? -

- Weren't you supposed to be a grown-up? -

- Oh, no, don't you dare, you were playing along with me. - Taehyung laughed and got nearer to Jungkook, brandishing a finger at his face. And Jungkook put his hands up in surrender.

- I wasn't complaining. - He said with a smile, looking straight at Taehyung's eyes. And then he said tenderly. - I like when you're being you. -

Taehyung's eyes softened as his smile went tender, and he got closer. Then, with the same hand he used to brandish a finger at Jungkook, he slowly neared it to Jungkook's hand and gently grabbed the back of his hand to then softly bring that hand to his face and place it tenderly over his cheek.

Jungkook's stomach fluttered worse than ever and a giggle escaped his lips before he could place a hand over his mouth.

- Don't hide your smile. I like when you're being you. - Taehyung said in a low voice, his eyes filled with endearment. And Jungkook lowered his hand as he bit his lip inside his mouth. Warmth spread all over him, but it wasn't for the coat.

- Why is this so pleasant to you? - He asked in a near whisper as he saw how Taehyung pressed his hand to his cheek. That had been the question he had asked in his classroom but he refused to answer. However, now he did.

- For a lot of reasons. - He said with a soft smile. - I think the first one would be... because I missed this. My parents used to do this all the time, when they said hello, when they said goodbye, when they said they loved me... - He let out a sad chuckle. - My brother too, although he used to do it more to see how bad my bruises were. -

Jungkook was at a loss for words. All his life he had lived believing that it was typical for family members not to touch each other just like one did with everybody else, so he grew up believing that there had to be something wrong with him for wanting it. He never told anybody how cold and uncomfortable he felt when he spent too much time without a hug, he never told anybody how sometimes he felt so desperate for human contact that he got in fights on purpose just to feel that he was real, to feel that everybody else was real, to feel something even if it was pain. He never told anybody because he was sure it had to be wrong, he had to be wrong.

And here was Taehyung, looking peaceful while he was being touched by a man and seeming relaxed as he told him how his family used to do this all the time. He told him this without fear, he told him this like he was telling a normal thing that had been part of his life, he told him this because he trusted him, Taehyung trusted him with his words and had let him do something only his family had been allowed to do.

- Taehyung. - Jungkook called, and Taehyung calmly hummed, opening his eyes. Suddenly, Jungkook's previous train of thought stopped when he remembered something. - I'm gonna go get my bag, ok? It's just on a table right around here. - He said this while still in contact with Taehyung's face, waiting for him to respond first. Taehyung smiled and straightened up his head, detaching himself from Jungkook's hand and letting it fall softly.

- Ok. - Taehyung said, and Jungkook pulled back his hand with a nod. He started to turn but stopped when Taehyung talked again. - Did you leave it on the table in front of the stairs? - Jungkook lifted his eyebrows and nodded. - Did you see a dark brown leather briefcase in there? - Jungkook nodded again. - That's mine. Could you bring it for me, please? - Jungkook chuckled and nodded for the last time, getting out from where he came and to the table.

Now that he wasn't playing hide and seek, he mused on how hidden they actually were from the rest of the library. He had to pass rows on rows of bookshelves just to get to the railing from where he could see the rest of the library. Jungkook liked it, it was just like yesterday, them in their own little bubble, completely away from judgment; a comfortable place with a person he felt comfortable with, and neither of them had planned to go there, just like they hadn't planned to go to the clearing the night before. How strange.

He got to the table with an excited smile on his face, grabbed his bag hastily and the briefcase gently, and went back to their dead-end little alley of bookshelves. Getting lost in the process when he turned left instead of right.

When Jungkook arrived at the opening he was buzzing with happiness. If he just got lost trying to find this place, no one else could find them here. Then he saw Taehyung sitting on the floor with his back against a bookshelf and his hands folded on his lap.

- Hi. - Jungkook said, smiling widely. Taehyung turned his head and smiled too.

- Welcome back, huh? - He crossed his arms over his chest.

- Sorry. - He walked closer to Taehyung. - I kind of got lost trying to get back here. - They laughed.

- You got lost? Are we that hidden? - Jungkook nodded. - If you want we could go somewhere else. - Taehyung's smile looked slightly concerned.

- Ok. - Jungkook smiled, and then sat down in front of him, beside his crossed ankles, leaning against the opposite bookshelf. Taehyung laughed and shook his head. Then Jungkook placed Taehyung's briefcase in their middle but, before he returned it, he stared at it. - A Maxwell-Scott's briefcase? - Jungkook raised an eyebrow at Taehyung and the latter shrugged.

- How did you know? - He asked, making no move to get it.

- My brother bragged too much when he got one. I don't think I'll ever be able to see Italian briefcases without getting annoyed anymore. - He rolled his eyes and grinned as Taehyung chuckled.

- Your brother? -

- Yes, I have an older brother and an older sister. They already graduated and live on their own. You're actually the same age as my sister, now that I think about it. - He chuckled. Taehyung looked momentarily surprised while he chuckled too. - Can I ask you something? -

- Anything. - He answered earnestly, and Jungkook softly let go of Taehyung's briefcase, placing it on the floor in front of him, and took his own bag.

- Can I--... - He stopped abruptly. It was going to be more difficult than he thought. - Can I p--... - He nearly rolled his eyes when he stopped again.

- Jungkook, you can ask me anything at all. - He tried to reassure him, but Jungkook still looked scared. - If it helps, I'll close my eyes. Look. - And he closed his eyes with a smile on his face.

That did help. That helped a lot. Jungkook took a deep breath thinking of how long he had been wanting to do this and finally asked.

- Can I... paint your portrait? - He waited. Taehyung's face was frozen for a second. And then it wasn't.

The smile disappeared.

Jungkook put both hands over his mouth and his knees to his chest. Taehyung slowly opened his eyes, but didn't look up, he looked at his folded hands on his lap, frowning, apparently deep in thought, and Jungkook wouldn't dare move a muscle. He was scared, he never thought this could happen, he had no idea what was going to happen next, he had no idea what Taehyung was thinking, and Jungkook could only be scared.

- I didn't know you painted. - Taehyung's calm voice stopped his thoughts short. But the way he was speaking to his hands was not reassuring.

Scared but wishing to make things better, Jungkook opened his bag and left his sketchbook beside Taehyung, then he returned to hug his legs tight to his chest.

Taehyung looked at the book and took it softly, then opened it. They were only sketches, the final paintings were way better. In there, there were only rough lines and weird shapes only Jungkook could understand, notes about the specific colors with arrows pointing at specific places, and the occasional detailed drawing explaining how the light and shadows were behaving in that specific moment.

The longer he looked through the pages, the calmer Taehyung seemed to get. He started smiling again, stopping now and then to watch a page closely, he even chuckled a couple of times. Jungkook's fears lessened as well, he didn't show his sketchbook to people, mainly because that wasn't the final product so he didn't see the use of showing it, but Taehyung seemed to be enjoying himself while he went through it which made Jungkook feel pleased with himself. He had made something that made Taehyung smile.

When Taehyung looked up again, he was met with a happy peaceful Jungkook smiling softly at him, and Taehyung's smile widened, then he showed Jungkook the page he was at and chuckled.

It was the drawing he did of Taehyung's class.

- Did you pay attention to what I said? -

Jungkook laughed.

- Of course, I did. I don't want to have to need your help outside class, you're Taehyung out here, remember? -

Taehyung smiled at him.

- Yes, I am. - And he went back to look at the drawing. - And as Taehyung, and not your Professor, I would like you to answer me this. Did you like that first class? - Taehyung looked back at him, he was holding Jungkook's sketchbook with a lot of care.

- Yeah, I did. I liked that you-- I mean, I liked that the Professor was very organized and... - He paused. - No, you know what? Let's be honest. I don't really know if I liked the class because of you or because of the subject. It was my first University class, I don't have anything to compare it with. - And he shrugged, feeling comfortable in his seat. Taehyung laughed, shaking his head and closed the book, but held it close to his chest.

- I... - Taehyung's smile slowly went away, making Jungkook's disappear in confusion. - I really want to let you paint everything you want Jungkook, I would hate to be the reason you won't feel as confident in what you want if I tell you "no", I want you to be happy painting everything your heart desires, I want you to... I really do want you to paint me if that's really what you want... But--

- But I can't. Yeah, I know. - Jungkook cut him off stiffly as he averted his eyes, then he took a deep breath. - I know I can't, Taehyung. And you know what else I can't do? Hold your face. But guess what? I still do it anyway, so... - He shrugged. If the problem wasn't because Taehyung didn't want him to but because of the rules, he had all the right to be annoyed.

Taehyung frowned, conflicted at his words.

- I'm telling you "no" so you won't get in trouble. -

- That's stupid. - He chuckled. - Touching you is far more prohibited, but you seem to be ok with that? - He didn't mean to be rude but he didn't know how else to argue his points, he'd never had. And now that he realized all of his problems are because of those stupid rules, he just wants them gone.

Taehyung's frown deepened like a battle was forming in his mind.

- Jungkook, one thing is to hold my face, which, by the way, doesn't leave any traces, and another one completely for you to paint a man, and having the canvas with you. It can lead to serious trouble if they find it, legal trouble, and I don't want that for you. -

Anger flared up in him; uncontrollable, unstoppable, irrational anger. Jungkook took a deep breath, trying to reason with himself. But the more he thought of it, the more he felt like this anger was justified. To be reminded of this by the same man whose presence made him feel free was like a slap in the face.

It was one of the deepest secrets Jungkook kept, if not the deepest one. He was angry at Taehyung for reminding him of the thing he least wanted to remember when they were together, he was angry he was reminding him of the reason why he hated this part of himself so much, he was angry that he was angry with Taehyung, he was angry...

In his anger, he'd forgotten where he was; believing he was back in his room all alone as he muttered,

- As if I would leave them lying around. - He frowned down at his knees. - I've been hiding things perfectly since I was fifteen. I've been hiding my feelings since I was five. And just when I thought I could feel free with somebody, that same person comes and reminds me of how unnatural I am. Easier would be to just kill myself. -

But then, he felt the soft and warm feeling of hands holding his face, pulling him back to reality.

With wide eyes, he looked up to find Taehyung, on his knees, with his face close to his, fuming.

- Never... say that, ever again, you understand me? - He spoke in clear, angry words. It was the first time he had ever seen him angry, but Jungkook could only register his contact and closeness.

Jungkook trembled.

- You... hypocrite. - He nearly hissed and Taehyung flinched. - You talk about not wanting to get into legal trouble and then you go ahead and grab my face. -

Taehyung looked at him with guilt in his eyes.

- I know. I'm sorry. But... this doesn't leave any traces. - He tried to argue his case.

Jungkook blinked.

- So it's not illegal as long as it doesn't leave any traces? - He frowned.

Taehyngs's face blanched.

- You're right. I'm so sorry. -

But before Taehyung could let go of him, Jungkook placed his own hands over his.

- Taehyung... You are Taehyung. Remember. You aren't who you are because of what you're taught. You don't have to follow those rules. -

Taehyung looked at him confused.

- Everyone has to Jungkook, or at least pretend. We can pretend none of this happened but you can't make a canvas disappear, that's what I'm trying to tell you. - His voice was nearly a whisper as he frowned.

Jungkook put a little bit more pressure against Taheyung's hands and spoke clearly and gently.

- I can. I've been able to do that for as long as I can remember and I've lived with those rules for longer than that, so I would very much appreciate it for you, of all people, to not remind me of them. Why did you bring the rules up just now when we are currently hidden in the back of the library where no one can see nor hear us? Why are you saying the words someone else wants to hear when there's just you and me? Or are you only opposed to the painting? If that's the case then I promise you I won't do it, but please, let's not talk about the rules when we're together, ok? -

Slowly, Taehyung averted his eyes, pulled back his hands, and sat down beside him, leaving just one of his hands on the floor in between the two of them.

Jungkook didn't want to talk about the law, the rules, the lines, he didn't want to talk about how he was supposed to be, to react, to act. He had always had a problem with that, and he hated it, he hated that it was harder for him to follow the rules than any other person he knew, he had hated being different for the longest time, and unfortunately, he still had breakdowns when his differences were too obvious.

But today, he felt different. He felt even more tired about following the rules, like suddenly they were heavier on his shoulders. And then when he saw Taehyung, or just thought of him, all that heaviness disappeared and he felt free again.

Jungkook took a tentative look to the side. Taehyung was looking unseeingly at the bookshelf in front, apparently deep in thought. The stare was so... conflicted, that Jungkook thought the worst, so he said sadly.

- If you want to go, you can do it. - Taehyung frowned, still looking ahead. After some time of no response, Jungkook tried again. - If I'm going to get in trouble with the law, it won't be because I kidnapped you, don't worry. - He tried to make a joke of it, but his sad tone of voice failed him.

- ...Why would it be? - Taehyung asked in a hushed voice.

And Jungkook looked to the side at Taehyung's beautiful face, gazing at him, mesmerized, feeling himself sigh dreamily. Why would he get in trouble? He didn't know how to answer. He just stayed looking at the side of Taehyung's face, caressing him with his stare.

After some time, Taehyung slowly turned his head to look Jungkook in the eyes, and what Jungkook saw was so much he couldn't understand. It was pleading, pain, frustration, and restrain; Jungkook didn't like to see that locked-up look in his eyes. He looked down at Taehyung's hand and his heart did a jolt, then his stomach fluttered uncontrollably.

Nervously, Jungkook moved his own hand over his lap and stopped at the edge, he took a deep shuddering breath and lowered his hand very slowly until he touched the back of Taehyung's hand with the tip of his pinky.

Taehyung didn't move. Jungkook looked up at him and saw him looking down at their hands with anguish. Jungkook looked down again and moved his hand lower until every one of his fingertips was touching Taehyung, and when he looked up again, he saw that Taehyung was now looking at their hands with affection. With surrender.

He moved his fingertips ever so slightly, brushing the back of Taehyung's hand. Taehyung took a deep breath and looked up. And because Taehyung wasn't making any attempt to take his hand away, Jungkook grinned a little.

- Just pretend. Like you said. - Jungkook said in an undertone. Taehyung looked at him with slight doubt in his eyes. - You have done it before, haven't you? Hide it? - Taehyung nodded, discontent, making him grimace a little. And Jungkook brushed the back of his hand again. - Me too. I told you, I've been hiding stuff since I was five. - Taehyung looked like he wanted to know more. Jungkook had never told this to anybody, but then again, Taehyung wasn't like anybody else. So he decided to tell him.

- I tried to hug my father once when I was five. That's the earliest memory I have. I did what I saw a little girl in my class doing to her father, that little thing where kids spread their arms and jumped on the spot until their parents hugged them. So I did it and... The punishment I had afterward had been–... No, don't worry. - For Taehyung had started to look worried. - It was just like... he kicked me away, screamed at some of the maids, and they bathed me in freezing water. - He tried shrugging it off, but Taehyung looked like he was restraining his feelings, and the sight of it made him sigh. - This is just to explain to you why I've been able to hide my feelings from them, sometimes more than others; because I know they'll "kick me away". I know the consequences so I know how to pretend. It was hard sometimes, to keep it hidden. But not as hard as it is with you, that's just impossible. - He looked at Taehyung's bewildered, beautiful face, and let out a chuckle. - When I'm with you, I feel like I can be myself. And I don't want to let that feeling go. -

They looked at each other, gazing at each other, Taehyung still had some tension on his eyebrows but Jungkook could see right through them. Taehyung felt the same.

He felt movement under his fingertips and looked down. Taehyung was moving his hand ever so slightly so Jungkook's unmoving fingers brushed against his.

- So we'll pretend. - Taehyung's deep voice whispered close to his ear.

Jungkook looked up at him and saw nothing but acceptance in Taehyung's eyes. Jungkook's chest was about to explode, his heart was beating so fast and his stomach was so full of butterflies that he had to turn his face away from him to giggle with delight. Then, calmer, he looked back at Taehyung who was smiling at him. Jungkook nodded in answer to Taehyung's statement, and then looked down at their hands, caressing the back of Taehyung's hand with his own, Taehyung then, tentatively, started to turn his hand over.

Jungkook was feeling so much at the moment, but he wasn't feeling overwhelmed. He felt excited, happy, content.

- Have you ever been in this position before? - Taehyung asked.

- What do you mean exactly? Keeping a secret with someone else or being this close with a man? - Jungkook let out a chuckle, he felt a rush of adrenaline flowing through his body, and he loved it. Taehyung looked taken aback and chuckled too. He looked at their hands, thinking, and then spoke.

- Let's go with the former. -

- Yes, one time... or maybe two. Mhh... no, just one time I had talked with someone else and we had agreed on keeping a secret, the other one had been an unspoken agreement not to talk about that subject so it doesn't count. - He grinned, and when he looked to the side, Taehyung was looking at him deeply.

- And the second one? -

Jungkook's grin slowly went away. When he thought of their position and how Taehyung was so close, his stomach fluttered.

- ...No. - He saw as Taehyung's expression softened and then grinned. - ...Not really. - Taehyung frowned in a millisecond, and Jungkook chuckled.

- What do you mean "not really"? - Taehyung chuckled in amusement.

- I was a troublemaker, remember? - Taehyung lifted his eyebrows and Jungkook could read the question right in his eyes, "what kind of trouble are we talking about?" He suddenly felt uncomfortable, reminiscing about the old days. - I said "not really" because, well, because I've never been like this close before. - And he looked down at their hands brushing together. It felt so good. He looked up again, trying to concentrate on the conversation. - But I have been this close to a man before, for a long time. It was a fight. - He shrugged, playing it off. And then he saw Taehyung lifting his other hand, nearing it to his face. Jungkook's heart stopped for a second before Taehyung's index finger traced the little scar over his cheekbone. - Yes, that was the last one. Two years ago. -

Taehyung looked at him with slight displeasure and lowered his hand, then he fully turned the hand Jungkook was caressing with his fingertips, making Jungkook stop for a second as he looked down at it. Then, Jungkook lowered his fingers again and touched Taehyung's palm. It felt different somehow, like the palm of his hand was more tender, softer, warmer, and he could feel how it was rougher in some places. He pushed down on these rough places one by one and then passed through them with soft caresses. He went up and down on every finger and brushed his thumb across the base of his palm. He tried connecting each other's fingertips one by one, but he couldn't, Taehyung's hand was slightly bigger than his. He tried and tired like a kid determined to fit a square on a circle. It wasn't until Taehyung flexed his fingers a little and Jungkook was finally successful that Jungkook remembered this hand had an owner, and he looked up at him.

Taehyung was looking at him with so much endearment that Jungkook couldn't hold the stare. This man couldn't stop making him feel the most bizarre sensations and feelings, could he?

Taehyung was such an open book, so transparent with his feelings, and he acted upon what he wanted to do most of the time without any regard for lines, that's why Jungkook thought Taehyung would never bring up the lines and rules; because he wasn't like that, he was a man, yes, but none like any of the others Jungkook had met or seen or even heard of, he was a good man, the nicest man, the kindest, the only one that has ever held Jungkook's face, and the only one he has ever caressed.

It felt good. The feeling of Taehyung's soft, warm skin was making him feel slight tingles all over, and he liked it. It was slightly intoxicating how good this felt, and not only that but the thought of it being Taehyung was a very important factor in his goosebumps.

Jungkook was about to do something, but then his phone started vibrating in his pocket. Taehyung heard it and it was like he woke up from a dream. Jungkook took in a deep breath at the god-awful timing the caller had and begrudgingly took his phone out with his other hand.

- Yes? - Oh my, he sounded angry. Taehyung suppressed a grin and Jungkook shook his head feeling his face heating up.

- Where are you? We've been waiting for you for twenty minutes! - Leo... Fuck. By instinct, Jungkook detached himself from Taehyung's fingertips and clasped his hand hard against his forehead. How could he have forgotten? But, suddenly, Taehyung's hand was grabbing his and softly taking it away from his forehead. He looked at him and Taehyung silently shook his head, reminding him not to be so harsh on himself. Jungkook was so amazed that even now... - Hello? - Without taking their eyes away from each other, Jungkook cleared his throat.

- Yes, yes, sorry, I was... I'm... - Then, he had an idea, and a grin started to spread across his face at the same time Taehyung looked at him quizzically. - I just finished class, I'm in the M buildings. The Human Nature Professor talked for too long. I'm on my way to the cafeteria right now but it's still too far, could you get my lunch for me, please? - He said all of this with the right sighs in the right places, sounding perfectly tired and bored while still holding Taehyung's stare. Taehyung looked at him with a grin of utter astonishment, and for good measure, Jungkook separated his phone from his ear just enough so Taehyung could hear the answer.

- Oh, shit Kook. Ok, don't worry. Well see if we can get the same table as yesterday, so try finding us there, alright? -

- Thank you, Leon. I'll see you there. - And he hung up. - Can you lie like that? - He asked. As if it was a competition. Taehyung shook his head, amused.

- Aren't those your friends, though? - He frowned and Jungkook lowered his hand alongside the one Taehyung was using to hold his wrist. He placed Taehyung's hand on the floor just like before and continued with his caresses.

- I'm not hurting anybody. - He paused as he remembered something and then he frowned. - I only hurt the ones that hurt me first, it's a two-way hatred, but other than that, I stay away from trouble. - He grimaced, remembering something more. - I only get in trouble because of-- Well, I won't get in trouble anymore. - Then he stopped caressing Taehyung's hand as he assessed just how close they were. - Well, shit. - He looked forward and sighed heavily, then shook his head and looked down, continuing to touch Taehyung's hand.

It was a moment before Taehyung spoke again, but when he did, the uncertainty returned to his voice.

- You lie to your friends, but you said you wouldn't lie to me... Aren't we friends? -

Jungkook stopped breathing for a second or two. Taehyung had agreed on keeping what had already happened, but he hadn't agreed on what Jungkook had yet to ask him.

- You're different. - He shrugged.

- Different how, Jungkook? - There was a notorious tension in his voice. Something he could feel beneath his fingertips, in Taehyung's hand.

Jungkook's heartbeat accelerated.

- Just different. I don't know. - He frowned, feeling cornered.

- Jungkook--

He jumped. Pulling himself from the bookshelf, he got on his knees right in front of Taehyung and placed his left hand over his mouth while his right held him by the back of his neck. He could only look at his own hand in disbelief, holding his breath like he was under cold water. His lips were touching his palm, his lips were touching his skin. His other hand was holding him by the back of his neck, and he was so close, too close.

Using what adrenaline he had left, he looked right at Taehyung's wide eyes and said,

- You're different from any other man I've ever known, ok? You make me feel safe, and like... like I can be myself, and... do... What everybody else would frown at me for, you wouldn't. - He wanted to explain himself further but with Taehyung's body so close, it was rather difficult to concentrate. - Last night... This morning... With you, I feel like all of the things that are wrong aren't anymore...? I don't know. I just... I can't lose you, I can't. Can't you realize that sometimes freedom may come at the expense of the law? I mean, I know it should be wrong even to be this close but... - He trailed off in a tiny voice frowning at the neck of Taehyung's suit.

He was surprised at himself, his mind hadn't even started to register properly the closeness of their bodies, or how the shape of Taehyung's lips felt on his palm, or how he could feel his warm, soft breathing at the side of his hand, or how he could feel his hard, fast pulse at the heel of his other hand on his neck. The feeling of human closeness on his contact-deprived body was making him think things he would've never been thinking if he wasn't so desperate for the warmth of another.

Then, slowly, Taehyung grabbed his wrist, and softly lowered Jungkook's hand from his mouth. But instead of letting it go, he placed it on his shoulder like the night before.

- Look at me. - Taehyung said in a low voice, and Jungkook did as he was told. - I thank you for your kind words Jungkook--

- But...? - Jungkook looked away.

- Let me finish. - His voice was stern but soft, making sure Jungkook understood every word but didn't hurt him in any way, and that reassured Jungkook as he looked back up at him. - Don't look so worried, please. I don't know why you got scared all of a sudden, could you explain it to me? - He asked in the softest way possible, taking Jungkook slightly by surprise.

- I thought you would... I don't know... Leave because it's "wrong" to be this close or something? - Jungkook sat down on his heels. Confusion clouded his happiness like a fog. But, Taehyung smiled softly at him.

- Maybe we should not be this close, don't you think? - At that, Jungkook let go of him as if his hands had been burned away. - It's not that I want to... follow the rules, it's just... I'm worried about what could happen if we don't try to follow them. In the long run, it may be harmful to more people than just us two. I agreed to keep what had happened a secret, but I don't think it would be prudent if we continued... on. - Taehyung finished with a frown.

The way he looked at Jungkook was different. A bit more cautious. As if he'd guessed what Jungkook wanted.

But what made Jungkook angry was the fact that he could clearly see Taehyung was cautious because he was pulling himself back; stopping himself.

Jungkook exhaled sharply.

- You should really put a leash on Mr. Kim. - Taehyung's frown deepened. But Jungkook made sure he was looking straight into his eyes before speaking. - I can tell when you're talking from the heart and when you're not. You're practically an open book with your emotions. So, I know you don't want to follow the rules at all, I can see your displeasure at your own words, Taehyung. Stop saying things other people want to hear, I want to hear what you feel, what you want, the real you. Did I make myself clear? -

- ...I guess so. - Taehyung looked down as he shook his head with a sigh and a grin. - You're really bold sometimes, aren't you. - He turned to look at Jungkook again, and Jungkook grinned too, feeling much calmer now that he was sure Taehyung agreed with him even if Mr. Kim did not.

- I think it is more like putting all the cards over the table to see the bigger picture. A kind slap in the face to wake you up. Some bitter coffee at dawn. You get it? - They laughed a little, and Taehyung looked at him in disbelief. - We've already agreed not to talk about the rules. Just keep doing what you want to do and that's it. Like me. - He shrugged. And Taehyung looked at him tenderly; back to himself.

Then, he sighed. letting his shoulders relax a bit more.

- What I want to do and what I do are two different things. What I do has to pass through a lot of filters before I do them. But then with you, you cheeky little bastard, - He poked at Jungkook's cheek and Jungkook felt his face heating up. - I'm doing what I want without thinking first. The only thing that I think about it's you. Protecting you comes out as an instinct. That's why I thought it might've been wrong to... But well, you've made it clear that I'm not going anywhere so... - Taehyung smiled, seeming truly happy, and Jungkook chuckled with elation.

- Good luck trying to get rid of me now. - He poked Taehyung's cheek back, and they both laughed again. But then Jungkook's smile turned sad as the words Taehyung had said repeated over and over in his head. - You just said what I've been wanting to hear all my life. Someone...caring... - He looked down and shook his head smiling, a lump was forming in his throat. He was drowning in the feelings, his eyes were getting blurry as he looked at the floor and brought the palms of his hands to rub at his eyes. - Goddammit, no. I don't want to cry again. I'm not even sad. Stop it. -

He was trying to control his emotions, but it had always been rather difficult for him. Then, he felt a hand on his left shoulder and he looked at Taehyung's beautiful, reassuring smile from between his fingers.

- Good luck trying to get rid of me now. - Taehyung said, and Jungkook let out a chuckle, but then it turned into a sob. - Shhh, I'm here. And I will stay here as long as you want me to. -

- Oh, please, stop it. - He hid his face behind his hands trying to calm himself. - I have to go see my friends, I can't go there crying. - He felt how Taehyung's hand slipped from his shoulder and he got up. Jungkook wanted to see what he was doing but he had finally stopped the tears so he had to concentrate on his breathing.

- Here. - Taehyung kneeled in front of him and tried to move one of his hands away from his face. Jungkook let him and then he felt something soft over his cheek. Upon blinking a few times, he realized. Taehyung was softly drying his tears with a handkerchief. Jungkook tried with all his might, with all his strength, not to fall to the floor bawling his eyes out. So, breathing deeply, he let his hands fall, closed his eyes, and bit his lip hard, letting Taehyung pat him dry. - There. - He said softly once he finished, and then placed his palm over his cheek.

Jungkook opened his eyes and took in a deep stabilizing breath before looking at Taehyung's eyes. He was looking so tenderly at him.

- Now you can go have lunch. - Taehyung smiled. Jungkook grabbed his wrist to keep his hand there for a second longer. And then he realized something as his hand squeezed Taehyung's wrist.

- Where's your watch? - He was sure he had seen one on his left wrist that morning, the one that reminded Taehyung of how late it was, he wasn't wearing it.

- It's in my briefcase. - Taehyung kept on smiling softly. Jungkook could only think of the reason he himself would want to take a watch off. So he looked at Taehyung, curious to know if he would have the same reason.

- Why did you take it off? -

Taehyung's smile got slightly embarrassed and he looked down for a second, making Jungkook's curiosity grow.

- I didn't like to be reminded of the time this morning. -

Jungkook's face blossomed into a bright smile, and he tried to conceal it behind his hands as he leaned away from Taehyung and his touch, looking shyly away. It was the same reason he would take it off himself. The same one.

When he was able to calm down, he looked at Taehyung's smiling face again.

- Ok. - Jungkook said simply and got up followed by Taehyung. Jungkook got to his bag and grabbed it as he said. - I'll see you later, then. - Taehyung smiled at him, straightening his suit jacket.

- See you later. - He nodded.

With a deep breath that made his stomach flutter and his throat go dry, Jungkook caressed Taehyung's face one last time and then left.

________________________________________________________________________________

🌼Thank you for reading Chapter 7,

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