Animarum

Souls

Inside the Arcade Room, below the student rooms, mere moments after Leo and Finn had tried to apologize to Emily, a deadly quiet took place but for the sounds coming from the three-wide televisions at the other end of the room. Every student there was looking at it, unmoving, silent, and watchful.

Emily was still holding Garrett's wrist as she stood a step behind him, and Leo and Finn were still in front of them, both with their heads turned to see what was going on. Their previous argument had been halted the moment they heard an almighty booming sound coming from the news channel, and they've been frozen ever since.

Until Garrett saw something on the video that startled him. However, he wasn't the only one who noticed. Leo and Finn saw that tattoo as well, flashing for a millisecond before the raised fist had been pulled down again and the tattoo on that forearm was hidden.

It looked a lot like the ones Garrett had on both of his forearms. A lot like them.

Leo turned his head towards him and looked at him with sharp, skeptical eyes. The burning accusation startled Garrett once more and he took a step away from him, accidentally stepping on Emily whom he had forgotten he had been protecting when he saw her trying to get away from these two guys. But now, he was the one who needed to get away from this claustrophobic place.

As gently as he could, he took Emily's hand from his wrist and softly put it down. He gave her an apologetic stare and a tiny squeeze on her fingers before letting go. With one final glance at the two males, he found them frowning at him. The big one was ready for a fight. The blond one was ready for a quick escape. And a look back down told him that Emily was begging him to stay. But he couldn't. The sight of that tattoo worried him, so he walked off and out of the Arcade room.

However, as he left, he permeated his aura so he could read the room for a second and feel if anybody else had noticed that tattoo. But in that second, before walking out for good, he noticed the energy in the room had changed drastically from what it usually was.

Mixed feelings were common in these types of worrying situations but what was not common was that silent little word floating in the air.

"...Finally..."

The majority of the students there carried that little word in their energy. It was a silent little sound, it tried to hide away and all of their auras were impermeable so none touched each other even when they were close enough to touch physically. So no one knew they could be feeling the same way, they just stood there, feeling alone with their mixed feelings. Not all of them carried that word with relief, some carried it with exasperation, perhaps because they were glad the tension was finally over even if it meant civil war. And others were only angry.

But, thankfully, no one else had noticed what Leo had.

Something made him stop then, with his hand on the door. This was the first time he permeated his aura since he arrived at Evathe and so this was the first time he noticed the warm feeling flowing back to him. Slowly, he turned. Unnoticed by everyone else, he stared at the little specs of golden light emanating from several students, including Finn.

He had seen that energy before. He had it himself.

Old souls.

Maybe their souls met The Rose in their past lives and this reminded them of him. Or of the two of them.

But then again, he knew little of what was happening right now. All the information he gets it's late at night when everything has already happened. And he knows he has been told against going to see those two too frequently for fear that anyone would think they were even friends.

But he couldn't sit back and wait like Aureoluz wanted him to.

So he went up the stairs and up again to the next floor, going straight to the first door and knocking two times.

- It's Garrett. - He stood there with his back straight and his hands folded behind his back. He could hear the muffled sounds of the same news channel coming from inside. And then footsteps approached the door before it was opened halfway.

- You were here two days ago. - Yoongi said in a low voice as he frowned.

- No one saw me coming. - He answered quickly and surely. That was enough for Yoongi to open the door fully and let him in.

He hasn't slept enough. Garrett could see it, his blood was pumping fastly by force, maybe because of coffee. It made Garrett grimace. He told him coffee wasn't good for his health.

- What is it, Garrett? - Hoseok asked from behind and he turned his stare towards him.

At least it looked like he had indeed put a spoonful of honey on his usual drink, his levels of glucose seem to be perfect today. That was all he needed, just a spoonful of sugar and now his aura was flowing like it's supposed to.

Garrett looked behind him towards the telly with the news, but it wasn't the only one with the screen turned on.

- So... every single one started at the same time. - He said in a low voice as he looked around.

India, China, the USA, Mexico, Brazil, Germany, and more. All with a riot right in their capitals led by a large group of people wearing all black and carrying red flags.

He shook his head.

- I voted against the red flags. - He said with low disappointment.

Hoseok let out a chuckle.

- I know you did. I did too. But there are more Warriors than there are smart people so... -

- Hey. - Garrett protested with a little laugh which Hoseok answered with a grin. - Alex is smart. And I would like to believe that I'm also smart, thank you very much. -

- You aren't Warrior Core, Garrett. That's why you're smart. - Yoongi chimed in - And Alex's not smart at all. - He started walking around slowly, one step at a time. Garrett knew he was doing that just so he wouldn't fall asleep and it worried him so much that he couldn't even defend Alex. Something really bad must be happening if he hadn't slept.

- What is the current circumstance? Have there... Have there been any fallen yet? - Hoseok leaned back against his desk and frowned at the floor.

- Not that we know of. The last time I got a message was thirty minutes ago right before the police got their reinforcements. Until now, I haven't received anything more from Cadoc. But what we are sure of is that every group in every city is stronger than death. You know what Cadoc will tell his boys if they get hit, don't you? - He asked with half a grin. And Garrett smiled back.

- Of course, I do. I trained with him, the bastard. - Hoseok laughed silently with him. And the sounds of gunshots came from the loudest telly. The one that showed what was happening in the UK. - I had no idea those many civilians would join the fight. - For there were masses of people, (young looking, most of them) that just kept on coming and fighting from every direction. The distinction was clear because of their attire, but Garrett could differentiate them even in the way they breathed, walked, or ran. He knew his people by heart, so he could tell them apart even if half of their faces were hidden by black masks. - I still don't know the full plan. Luz didn't want to tell me. -

- For fear that you would do something stupid and end up right beside Cadoc, yeah, we know. - Yoongi said from somewhere behind him. And Garrett could only shrug because Luz was right to think he would do something like that.

- If I thought they needed me--

- Look at this, Garrett. - Hoseok told him, and he looked towards the telly again before looking back at him. - Do you really think a specialized group of Warrior Cores that have trained for years only for this one mission need the help of a Stranded Warrior that didn't even continue his training once he turned eighteen? - It wasn't meant to be unkind, but the Wisdom Core knows nothing about gentleness when they want to get their point across.

Garrett lowered his furrowed stare and unfolded his hands from behind himself only to scratch the black-inked marking over his right forearm. Stranded Warrior, not Warrior Core, he still forgets sometimes.

- Now that I see it... They don't need me. - He said in a little voice. He tried for it to sound like they didn't need him in the current battle but... it carried more than that. But before they said anything, he sighed and looked back up. - Well, just tell me one more thing. -

- What is it? - Hoseok asked, gently this time. And Garrett swallowed before asking.

- Luz promised me he wouldn't be in there. Did he lie? - The question went with half a grin, knowing that he was just like him when a fight breaks out. Hoseok grinned back at him, but thankfully his answer was just what he wanted to hear.

- No. The last time your dad and I communicated was right before the battle, he's still with the first twins, away from the fight. And it was to ask me if you had lied about your promise about staying at the university. -

Garrett swelled up with joy at hearing that and lost a laugh.

Yoongi clicked his tongue.

- You both are so disgustingly alike. -

Garrett only shook his head. He heard the tenderness behind the false disgust.

- Well, if that's all, Garrett, you better leave before someone else gets here, alright? - Hoseok walked forwards with his eyebrows pulled up reassuringly, and Garrett nodded, feeling much better, calmer than before, after being assured that they had all under control and it was unlikely that anybody would get deeply hurt.

But right before Hoseok would hug him goodbye, Garrett stopped him by the shoulders.

- Wait, they do have Healer Cores with them, right? -

Hoseok smiled tenderly at him.

- Yes, they do. Don't worry about it. Go back with Alex. Your friends are the ones who need you the most. - Once Garrett let out a deep breath, Hoseok nodded. - That's right. Come here. - Garrett let him come closer at last so they could hug goodbye, and as they did so, Garrett felt the sweetness of his aura on his tongue. It made him hum with delight.

- I told you. All you needed was some honey. -

Hoseok chuckled in his ear before letting go and grabbing his shoulders.

- What would we do if this Healer Core wasn't with us, huh? I wouldn't be at my greatest to help the rest. -

Garrett smiled shyly at the floor before moving aside as he placed the palm of his right hand over his abdomen, right where his Core was marked in black ink.

He looked up and nodded to Hoseok before turning around and heading towards Yoongi to stop his pacing around and hug him goodbye as well.

- I hate you, kid. - Yoongi said in a muffled voice close to his ear as he hugged him back, and Garrett smiled. He could taste strawberry in his aura, that was definitely not what his "hate" tastes like. But it was all stained with a bitter flavor and smell that made him hug Yoongi tighter.

- I told you to stop drinking coffee. -

- How else will I stay awake, huh? -

- Just... Eat sweet pastries. - Yoongi laughed in his ear. - No, I mean it. Or fruit. Like bananas or red apples, just... stay away from coffee, alright? It's not good for your energy. - Yoongi hummed, not in agreement nor in disagreement, just a hum to tell him he had heard. That was all Garrett could do right now. With a sigh, he let go and took a step back towards the door. But, right before that, he saw Yoongi nearly losing his balance.

A hug from one with a Healer Core cleanses the body of any stress or anxiety, so it was only expected for Yoongi's tiredness to come in full force right when all the stress that was keeping him up, disappeared.

- Go to sleep, Yoongs. - Garrett said and, with a step, sent a gentle wall of energy towards him to unbalance him further so he would fall back against the bed behind him.

- Oh, you bastard. - Yoongi sulked as his eyes closed on their own. But he still tried to push himself up by his elbows.

Garrett sighed and looked towards Hoseok who looked at him, then at Yoongi, behind him at the screens, and then back at Garrett with a thoughtful frown. Once he decided it was for the best, he gave him a single nod, which Garrett took as confirmation to walk towards Yoongi and reach his palm down to his forehead.

Right before he touched him, he filled his hand's aura with a sweet, comforting taste, like warm milk with a spoonful of honey right before bed; he also filled it with the feeling of fluffy blankets on a cold night right after bathing in warm water, and finally, he sent the image he had seen countless times of the view from Yoongi's room window. Not from his room in Evanthe, but his house at home.

The moment his palm came in contact with Yoongi's hot forehead, the latter fell unconscious in just one second. Garrett grimaced and left his palm there only to soothe him further if he could. But he couldn't, he had never been able to soothe him fully, not even when he had stayed by his sleeping side for eight hours straight.

It was Hoseok who gently held his wrist and pushed his hand away from him.

- Thank you, Garrett. He'll feel better once he's slept. - He said behind him in a low voice close to his ear as he lifted his hand and slid his own closer to his fingers so he could have a taste of what it had been that calmed Yoongi to the point of immediate surrender.

Once he tasted it, Garrett felt him losing a breath as his head fell against his shoulder.

They work so hard, it was unbearable to sit still and be nothing but--

- You're a lifeline for us, Garrett, I hope you understand that. - Hoseok immediately contradicted him.

Garrett hadn't noticed he hadn't made his aura impermeable before thinking badly of himself, so Hoseok had been able to easily know where his feelings were carrying him. He couldn't help it as he kept on looking at Yoongi's sleeping face. Even in unconsciousness, he still didn't look peaceful.

Gently, with a hand holding his, Hoseok held his waist with the other and guided him towards the door. Once the last drops of honey warm milk were spent, Hoseok let go of his hand and opened the door for him. Garrett turned around before heading out just to look him in the eyes and make sure how his health was. But of course, Hoseok knew this, so he smiled softly as he brought his hand from his waist to his shoulder.

- Now, remember, don't come here so often, alright? If we need you, we'll call you--

- You were ready to let Yoongi continue being tired instead of calling me. Don't lie. - He pleaded in a soft little voice. His eyes betrayed the worry coming from his Core. - Why can't I pretend to be your friend? We are friends. We're family. No one knows who we are in here, just... let me come more often. You work too much and too hard and you need some help, please, let me help you. -

Hoseok lost a breath and let go of his shoulder, but right before his aura impermeable itself fully, Garrett caught the taste of sweet cherries on the tip of his tongue.

He pretended not to notice just because he knew it would make him uncomfortable and simply impermeable his aura as well.

- I... appreciate you wanting to help us, Garrett but... We don't need--

- You do need me. - A heavy silence filled the room and Garrett hastened to continue. - At least Yoongi does. Let's do this, what if I come every night right when you two are having a meeting, that way I know what's going on and you can go to sleep soundly. Come on. - He didn't want to say it again because he knew what it might bring but... how else will he convey the message? - Let me help you. -

Just as he expected, Hoseok's breathing stopped for a moment before he looked towards Yoongi lying partially on his roommate's bed, his feet still on the ground. He thought and thought, of what? Garrett didn't know. But Aureoluz had indeed told him that the sole reason why Hoseok didn't want him to come so frequently was that he was more of a distraction than a help. Not that Hoseok knew he had told him this.

- Alright. - He finally agreed and looked back at him. - Come at around ten. Only to bid us goodnight, your dad can tell you what has happened and what we talked about, deal? -

Garrett smiled softly, feeling much better now that he knew he could be of some vital assistance somewhere.

- Deal. -

- And start hiding your Markings, I saw a glimpse of one of them on the telly, I bet others had seen it too. We don't want unwanted attention, remember. -

Garrett nodded, thinking that he'll better start wearing a coat to hide his "tattoos" better. And Hoseok looked at him for a second too long before hastily opening the door to the fullest and walking back to let him pass. Garrett gave Yoongi one last glance before finally heading out back to his room where he had left Alex before he had gone out to get them some snacks.

Upon remembering that he had indeed forgotten to get them, he went back down towards the Arcade Room.

And because he had closed off his aura and was now solely focused on the task at hand, he hadn't noticed Finn and Leo hiding around the corner from the corridor as he walked swiftly down the stairs.

- Wait. - Finn whispered and grabbed Leo's shoulder to stop him from going to his room. Leo looked back over his shoulder at him with confusion, so Finn explained. - If we just go in there and demand answers, they'll silence us for sure. - Because they had indeed managed to hear the moment Garrett asked if there were any "fallen", and, from everything else they heard, that was all they managed to hear or understand, so it was easy to deduce that the three in that room had everything to do with the current battle. But it all just pointed to the same thing: Finn and Leo were outmatched, outnumbered, and out planned. Finn knew this, of course. - Let's just go back to my room. -

Leo turned around fully, noticing as he did so that Finn hadn't let go of his shoulder, and looked at him with a frown as he thought. But all he could see from Finn was indecision. He didn't want to go back in there with those two, much less after they had made the connection of how it appears that his roommate has some connection with the leaders of the so-called terrorists. And Leo had to agree that J had punched him awfully.

Going back in there just mere hours after they had that awful first encounter didn't seem like a good idea. And also, they had realized when they were with Emily at lunch that they simply couldn't speak of the subject with her, their mouths would close off or different words would get out, and it all had to be because of whatever J had done.

Yes, he couldn't go back in there. He couldn't do that to Finn, put him in that situation; he already looked scared just by the idea of it. No, he had to protect him.

With a single nod, Leo grabbed his bag more securely on his other shoulder and took a step towards the stairs. Finn let go of his shoulder with a sigh of relief and followed suit.

As they walked down the stairs, they could hear murmurs floating about, so many murmurs that the air seemed to be buzzing, but the interesting thing was exactly that, no one was speaking louder. Everyone kept murmuring even as they passed, talking silently with one or two friends, no large groups were coming together and there were a lot of people who just sat alone in their worry. Leo glanced out the glass doors and saw even more students out there, most of all messaging rapidly or talking with someone else through their phones.

Of course... Parents.

Leo took his phone out of his pocket as they took a left through a desolated corridor. But he had no messages. So he left each of his parents' numbers a message asking where they were and if they were alright. For a moment he looked at his phone, but then he shook his head and turned it off again to put it in his pocket. If his parents were ever going to answer him, it'll be at night once they finish working, if they remember or bother to look at their private phones instead of their work ones.

They took a right, and the second Finn's blonde hair shined slightly with the light coming from the windows, he remembered something.

Finn was an orphan.

When they had been in that janitor's closet the day before, he told him his father had died of what seemed to be lung cancer, and he never mentioned his mother, he just went on to talk about his siblings and how they all changed, turning colder. So Finn was all alone now.

Leo felt a painful tug at his heart and he grimaced.

Finn unlocked and opened the door to his room, entered, and Leo closed and locked the door behind himself. He stood there close to it as he looked around the room and Finn merely took the bag of sweets from the bed and left it over his nightstand. All the while, Leo felt like cursing because... even after everything Finn must've gone through, he still had the luck of not getting any roommate. Even after being alone in his house, it was like he came here to keep on being left by himself.

Leo saw how Finn sat down on his bed and fell back against it with his eyes closed and his hands folded over his stomach. He looked tired. Like what happened this morning in Leo's room had drained him completely.

" I hate when people grab me by the throat."

Leo walked forward, leaving his bag on the other bed, and sat down beside him to then lay down as well, yet stiffly because of the pain from his bruise. But instead of closing his eyes, he looked up at the ceiling.

- Do you want to talk about something? - Finn asked gently.

Leo let out a weak chuckle. He always knew what was going through his mind, didn't he?

- Yes. You. - For a moment, there was silence. So he turned his head to look and saw him looking sideways at him with half-closed assessing eyes.

- What about me? -

Leo shrugged, trying to downplay it.

- Just... everything. -

Finn laughed softly, so softly that it made Leo turn his head a bit more to be able to look at him fully.

- Everything... - Finn thought as he went back to look at the ceiling. - Well then. My favorite color is blue. -

Some part of his brain was offended by the fact that this one knowledge made him so excited to the point of smiling widely.

- Really? - Leo asked. Sounding like an excited little kid. And Finn turned to look at him with a gentle stare, right at his eyes.

Right at his bright blue eyes.

- Yes. - He answered sincerely with a tender smile. And they stared... at each other... for long enough that Leo's brain finally connected to his actions and he turned his head to look back at the ceiling as Finn continued. - The blue of crystalline waters. A blue that's light but also one that sparkles and shines, just like when the sun hits the surface. -

Leo took in a tense breath. Emily had said that his eyes were the color of crystalline waters on a sunny beach.

He hated this feeling of battle within himself, he had no idea why it was there, but he wanted it gone. The uncomfortable feeling was making being with Finn feel weird and he hated that.

So he tried to shake it off as he said the truth that this uncomfortable feeling wanted him to hush.

- My favorite color is green. - He said, surely.

But then froze a little. Because his favorite color was not green, it was black, just like Jungkook's. Then why had he said green?

- What type of green? - Finn asked softly. So softly. Heartbreakingly so as if he was afraid of pushing him too hard and end up making him deny he had said such a thing. But the moment Leo heard him again, it was like... like...

Like laying at the foot of a tree as the sun illuminated his face thru the vibrantly green leaves above.

His dream from the night before.

- I don't know... A bright green, maybe light green, but not too clear. A very vibrant green but not artificial, like... the leaves of trees, but not any leaves, the kind of leaves that look shiny and when it finishes raining they look made of plastic, but they aren't... Just... a green that is alive, I guess. - He was frustrated that he couldn't really describe it. If he had pen and paper, he would attempt to draw the leaves he meant, but even so. Maybe Jungkook had paint or a colored pencil of the color he was trying to describe, it'll be nice if he could borrow it to show Finn the color he meant.

He closed his eyes and let out a deep breath, and right there it was: His dream. It was quite lovely, he has never had such lovely dreams before. Usually, they are either in bizarre places with himself running away from something or just straight-up nightmares, but this... this was lovely. This was sweet.

Gentle warmth caressed his skin as he lay on the soft grass. The wind was cold so he was wearing a very comfortable hoodie, but somehow he had the impression the smell wasn't his. And somehow he also had the impression that he liked that. He was so comfortable laying there. It was almost like... a hill full of trees that then opened up to a very wide terrain of vibrantly green grass with some horses running about, free and wild, and there was also a house in the distance, a big one that seemed quite old fashioned but beautifully kept. He knows that house. In real life, it belonged to his family, but somehow in the dream, it looked more like a home than just the big cold house he had seen before. And also... somehow, in the dream, he felt it was his, all his, alongside the horses and the massive terrain and the hills with trees and the--

...There was something else in that dream... Someone else.

Now he realized where the warmth inside his chest came from. It wasn't from the sun, the sun was warming up his body, but inside his chest... It was the hand brushing his hair so gently that made him smile tenderly and content. It was the comfortableness of the lap in which he rested his head that made him look up. And it was the owner of those bright green eyes, the one that made his heart fill with warmth.

He couldn't see the face of the person, couldn't recognize the eyes, couldn't recognize the touch or the smell. He had no idea who this person was, but there was no doubt that this was the love of his life.

His future wife? Must be, mustn't it? But he thought his future wife would be Emily, and her eyes are pale blue, so why was he thinking of green?

Confusedly, he blinked his eyes open and slowly sat up to look out the window, and there it was, right in the sky outside, the pale blue of Emily's eyes.

...Nothing. He felt nothing but cold.

Then he closed his eyes again and looked at that sunny day. And, immediately, his chest filled with excitement, happiness, warmth, and love. All for something that wasn't even real.

He opened his eyes once more.

Maybe that's why he liked the scene so much. Because it was unrealistic and purely made up. It was obvious that he would like that more than the present, he had made it all up, and it was filled with all the things he once loved. Yes, it was unrealistic, he had left all those dreams behind the moment his father told him that a head in the clouds won't help him move his feet.

But then again... Finn's father... His own father... Jungkook's father...

Slowly, he laid back down.

- What are you thinking of? - Finn asked, again very softly. The sun was beginning to set outside so the room had suddenly a much calmer atmosphere that was best enjoyed in silence. So Leo answered in hushed tones as well while he looked up at the ceiling.

- I'm thinking that... I thought my favorite color was cold, pale blue, but... it might actually be the green of a sunny day, indeed. -

- Huh... Well, my favorite color was black before... it changed. -

Leo turned his head to look at him and stared for a second. Stared... at those green eyes that seemed colder, deemer, worn-out... And finally asked.

- Could you tell me about your family? -

Finn took in a silent but deep breath and he looked up at the ceiling as he answered. His voice was soft and yet... not gentle.

- My family... - He started thinking for a moment. Deliberating where to start maybe. But once he started, it was all wrong. - My mother died when I was twelve. That was the first worst day of my life. - He started telling him without a hint of feeling. - I was the youngest so I always had a connection with her and she had a softer spot for me as well, so her passing was indeed horrible and quite impossible to accept, much less to say goodbye for good. -

No, no, this wasn't how it was supposed to be, Finn was talking without emotion, he was deliberately closing himself up. Leo could end up knowing all these facts about him and yet not have a single connection to his feelings because of this. This was all wrong.

- Wait. - Leo stopped him before he continued and held himself up with one elbow so he could turn slightly towards him. He frowned down in worry while he looked at those vacant eyes. - You can't do that. - He shook his head gently.

Finn frowned.

- Do what? I'm telling you about my--

- You're not letting me see how much this affects you. - Finn closed his mouth but his eyes still had a wall before them. - If I can't see human emotions, how can I have a human connection with you? I thought we had gotten a little bit closer after our crying session this morning, did I make that up? - He asked with half a grin.

Finn chuckled and rolled his eyes. Finally... It's him again.

- No. We are closer. - He said in a tiny voice and a little smile and then looked back at him. A sparkle was visible in the corner of his tired eyes.

Leo felt his own smile changing somehow, but he couldn't help it.

- Good. - He said in such a gentle voice that he's never heard from himself before. And then saw how Finn's expression changed somewhat.

Maybe he had blinked and looked away with a little shyness. Maybe he blushed slightly and hugged his middle tiger with his arms. Maybe Leo couldn't look away because he thought that was the most endearing sight he had ever seen.

But he couldn't admit it ever happened as admitting it would mean the destruction of it all.

So he simply let himself be without admitting anything and slowly laid back down. Maybe... a little bit closer than before.

- So, tell me again. But, this time, feel your words. - He said softly before turning his head to look at him.

But he had indeed laid a little bit closer than before, and that might've indeed made their staring feel much more intimate than ever. In this silent, distant, door-locked room, with the curtains opened, letting in the slightly colder and darker atmosphere outside as the sun sat as slowly as ever, and then they lay partially over his bed as their equally tired eyes locked on each other's, Leo could only think of his family and how they would burn him alive just for the fact that... he liked this.

He found comfort and enjoyment in their intimacy, he found it fun yet deep and he found it emotional as well. They will burn him for believing this but... he couldn't think that there was anything wrong, not with the gentleness in which they spoke and stared at each other.

He simply couldn't look away even if he tried. And he didn't want to try.

But then again, he still had to deny ever feeling this way, even if it was only for his own peace of mind.

- I'm... - Finn tried to say, barely above a whisper. Like he refused to break eye contact just as much as he was. - I'm rather... tired right now and... it is a very sad story so... Maybe... would you like to talk about your family? -

- Not really, no. - Leo answered in an exhale.

So comfortable, this was so comfortable.

Finn gave him a little smile.

- Then... Do you want to talk about classes? -

Leo shook his head, returning the little smile. Finn chuckled.

- Do you want to talk about your friends? -

- I want to talk about you. - Leo admitted, making Finn chuckle again. - You said your favorite color was blue. What about your favorite animal? -

- I don't really have a favorite animal. - Finn said with an expression that Leo took as endearment.

- Do you like wild horses? - The question had come out of nowhere. Out of a pretty, made-up picture in the forefront of his mind. But even so, with the way Finn was looking back at him, he couldn't concentrate on how concerning the question actually was. Or the longing.

Finn chuckled, a little taken aback.

- Wild horses? - He asked. Leo's body had relaxed too much, now he could barely function properly; that's why he smiled back at him as he nodded slowly. Finn averted his eyes, but not his head, as asked again. - Are those the very big ones with long hair? -

- No. - Leo answered, his voice slightly raspy. He had gone slightly sleepy. - Those are shire horses. Wild horses look like common horses but the difference is where and how they live. They are untethered, don't know or have any rules, and no one owns them. -

Finn looked back up then. A wondering stare in his eyes made Leo swallow.

- Do you like wild horses? -

- Yes. -

- Have you ever seen one? -

For some reason... Leo felt seen for the first time. All these little questions, this unproblematic conversation they were having, made him feel as if Finn genuinely wanted to understand him. Not only his sad or angry characteristics but also the things that made him smile; that made him dream.

Should he continue letting him in? He had already trespassed way beyond anybody else. He had already seen him crying in distress and accepted him. He had heard how he had no idea what was happening to him and accepted him. He had been there since day one and never wavered, not even when he told him about his anger issues, not even when he had been terribly rude to him. Because he had indeed been rude already, he had indeed felt him getting too close, and he had tried to get him to leave him already. But Finn hadn't left even then.

As Leo looked him in the eyes for that one heartbeat he was quiet and thoughtful, he realized that Finn was standing on unexplored land. He was afraid, not even himself had wondered that deep. He was scared, what if he found something and finally ran from him? He was frightened, what if Finn does leave and he crumbles into pieces?

And that's the moment Leo realized, he had never let anybody inside because he knew it would destroy him if they left.

- I have. - Leo answered at last. A tight feeling burned in his throat as his soft smile vanished and he looked into green eyes he will never be able to forget. - My parents took me to an old house my father's family had owned for generations. It's a very big, old mansion. I'm not sure where it is, we only went once when I was little, but... - He swallowed. His eyes burn. Finn's smile vanished. - But it was very pretty. It really was. The property was huge, there were hills filled with trees, the grass was bright green, the closest street was too far, the closest city was even more so, and there was no other house for kilometers. The weather was cold but not as cold as it is here, and the sun was so warm you could just... lay down and... do nothing but stare up at the clouds. - He stopped for a moment to breathe. His heart was beating too hard. He has never told this story to anybody. - I saw them then. When I was walking around one of the closest hills. They were running around, playing. And they looked so utterly free... - He swallowed again and turned his head to look up at the ceiling. A tear fell from the corner of his eye as he finally said out loud what has been in his chest since he was ten years old. - I wished I could be one of them. - His voice broke and died in his throat. He tried to swallow but it was too painful now. And he let the tears fall down his temples.

For a moment there was silence but for the wind trying to get through the window. Until Finn asked gently, his voice sad, his words...

- Do you not wish that anymore? -

Leo took in a sharp breath as he closed his eyes, the corners of his mouth tensely turning down. He tried to breathe properly so he could answer him, he really did.

- I... can't. - His voice broke as he heard the faint shattering of a ten-year-old kid's heart in his memory. His own heart. - I can't wish anymore. I can't dream. -

- Yes, you can. - Finn said in a desperate whisper and Leo felt him turning to him somehow. But he couldn't see him, he couldn't open his eyes and see past the blurriness, he couldn't look at the person that gave him something to lose. He couldn't.

Leo shook his head.

- No, I can't. I can't let myself wish for something I can't have. I can't take another hit. I can't. Losing something is awful even when all you had was a dream. I can't lose anymore. -

Silence greeted his statement. Silence but for the cold wind outside. Silence... but for the little sniff coming from beside him.

- ..."I can't lose anymore". - Finn whispered. Leo turned to see him and through the blurriness, he found him crying silently at the ceiling as well. - ...I know about losing. I know... I get it. - He said with a nod. - But all I have now are dreams. The only thing that helps me is closing my eyes and dreaming; the only thing that can calm me down is closing my eyes... and imagining. A better life. A better world. Dreaming... If I hadn't had something to dream about, I wouldn't be here. -

Leo went cold, and he looked back at the ceiling to cry harder, to sob silently yet harsher.

- Why is everybody suddenly saying they had once wanted to kill themselves? -

- Oh, please... - Finn exhaled, flinching. - I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. -

Leo groaned, hugging himself harder.

- It's not your fault... Is always everybody else's. - He said as he remembered how Jungkook looked at him and told him how he had needed him to be more persistent, to ask more, to be there more.

- The feeling, yes. It comes because of other people, but the actual action is always the person's own fault for not being--... For not being strong enough, for not--... For not asking for help or... or just simply... closing themselves up and just... assuming that everybody else will understand what they need while they keep a fucking smile on their faces. They keep it all inside and assume anybody else will... just... know, magically, that they are going through something. And then once you ask them what is wrong, they have the nerve to say that nothing is, and they call you crazy for thinking that something was, and they make you think like there's something wrong with you for ever thinking that your dearest mother-fucking friend could be going thru something. Oh, only his entire family died and now he has to live in an orphanage, but he's fine, of course, he's fine. Oh, yes, he looks skinnier and like he has cried for the whole day straight, but look at that smile, how dare I ever think that he could be having a bad time. How dare I... How dare he... And you know what the worst thing is? Finding out that he was just about to end it, was not the worst thing, the worst thing is asking if I could do it with him. Because I was exactly like him. Because my mother died with his family. -

Silence....

Silence......

Silence, just silence, nothing but silence, not even the wind, not even air getting through their lungs, not even the falling of their tears could be heard. Not even a heartbeat. Only silence.

It was clear that he has never let all of this out of his chest. It was clear in his anger, in his cut words, in his blunt way of saying it all.

That's why he ran this morning when Jimin wouldn't answer him.

But...

- You tried to... - Leo lost a breath. It wasn't only the fact that the possibility of him being utterly broken could've come if something better hadn't arrived, just like Jungkook. Finn had actually reached his limit. He had actually... tried.

- Yes. - His voice broke. He sniffed and sobbed silently, and the bed shook a little with him.

Leo's tears were desolate. It hurt him beyond words that this person, that has gone deeper than anybody else, could've never arrived. He sobbed alongside him. Because he couldn't believe someone as strong and brave and determined as him could ever die... and leave him. Leo couldn't believe he had nearly lost something he never had, and now that he had it, now that he had him, he couldn't believe he had nearly never met him. He couldn't comprehend. Couldn't understand. Didn't want to... he didn't want to think of him gone. He didn't want to lose him even if it never happened. Just thinking of it...

- Why?... How?... Why??? - Leo couldn't stop but asking in puffs of air as he sobbed silently at the ceiling.

Finn sighed deeply, or at least tried to, but then he broke and the sob was audible this time. It was a little broken sound... which broke Leo's heart.

- My mom died... My father barely talked, barely came back home, and barely did anything but work... My brothers... buried themselves in studies. Malcom moved away, close to his workplace. Jacob went back to uni and never came back. Joceff... something happened to him and he never spoke again. Alexander was the only one who still talked to me but... it was only to inform me whenever he would go out to buy groceries or pay for the bills, and he was the only one who still seemed to have feelings, the only one who seemed to understand why I did nothing all day, and he would buy me the sweets my mother used to, but then Malcom... he said a lot of awful things and then... the sweets stopped coming. And then Christofer was just buried in school work, taking in much more work than necessary only so he could be distracted. -

- I was alone. - He said in a little whisper. - And I know it was also my fault for not getting out of my house but... I couldn't move. I couldn't stand, couldn't eat, I was tired all the time, my head was hurting... It wasn't only the fact that I lost my mother, she was my best friend, the only one I could talk to about everything, she was the only one... the only one who knew me and loved me and was proud of me. The only one. I lost her. I lost the freedom she gave me, the love, the gifts, the smiles, the happiness. I lost everything that made me who I was because she was the only one who would pay for all of it. So, once she was gone, I was gone too. I lost myself the moment I lost the only person I could be myself with. -

- Nothing made sense anymore. I couldn't dream anymore. - His voice had gone so quiet. And then he went quiet. Without telling Leo the reasons why he hadn't continued, without telling him what came to save his life, without telling him what made him happy enough to find himself again. He just quieted.

Leo's tears kept on falling silently as he looked unseeingly up at the ceiling.

- What stopped you? - Leo asked, just as quietly. But Finn's answer was worse than he imagined.

- Gravity. - A moment of silence in which Leo begged him to explain as he looked at the ceiling. - My rope snapped. -

Leo's breathing stopped, his throat closed off completely, and he had to turn the other way so his arm could help him sit up. But that wasn't enough. With shaky legs he jumped to the other bed where he fell, only catching himself with his hands for then to crawl to the window and open it up completely. He could easily fall, he noticed, as he placed his hand on the window ledge and tried to gasp in the brutally cold air. Yet his brain couldn't stop itself from wondering, just how easy it had been for how many others to fall from this same window.

At once, he threw himself back against the coverless bed, and tried and tried to breathe, to breathe.

The rope snapped. That had been the only reason why he was here right now. The rope... snapped. No one saved him. No one came and brightened up his days. No one tried harder, no one asked, no one had been there. The rope... simply... snapped. While his only friend's hadn't.

Leo turned around and fell to his knees on the floor. He crawled a little, pushed himself, and slid himself through the floor a couple of centimeters while his silent tears damped the floor. He saw then, through watery eyes, Finn's shoes. And slowly, he looked up to see him sitting there, hands grasping the edge of the bed at each side, face frowning in pain as he looked at him on the floor and silent tears fell and fell.

" I hate when people grab me by the throat."

Leo sobbed and snapped his hand up to grab his knee. He grabbed Finn's knee. Grabbed it hard. And he gasped, finally able to breathe as he felt him there. So he lifted his other hand and placed it on the same knee so both of his hands were grabbing him desperately and he breathed and sobbed, gasped, and cried.

He could feel him. He was there. He was there with him, with him, the only one who had cared enough to say that he would be there for him, the only one who had heard him and not only used him to be selfishly heard, the only one who had asked him to open up and cry. Finn had needed him back then, just like Jungkook had needed him, and he hadn't been there, he hadn't been there.

- I'm sorry I didn't meet you back then. - He sobbed as his forehead fell forwards over his hands.

- Leo... - Finn cried. Cried in earnest. Leo heard and felt it all, he even felt it when Finn placed his own hands over his mouth to stifle everything. Trying to stifle years' worth of pain.

But how many?

- Finn... - Leo sobbed silently and looked up at him. He was still looking down at him as tears overflowed and fell down the back of his hands as he held his mouth shut. Leo shook his head slowly and then asked. - When? - When had it been? How long ago? How old had he been when the rope snapped?

Finn closed his eyes and swallowed, trying to calm down, to breathe, to be able to lower his hands and not cry out loud. Once he did, it was slow and he was shaking all over with the force of keeping in the sobs. Leo could feel him shaking under his hands. And then he started shaking as well.

- I was thirteen--.... when she left. And fourteen, when--

Fourteen. So young.

Leo placed his forehead back against the back of his hands and tried to calm himself down by remembering that he was there, he was there and he was better, he was healthier, he was happier...

He was happier, right?

Leo snapped his head back up.

- Are you happy now? - He asked in a desperate rush. Finn flinched slightly, but once he understood the question, the corner of his mouth turned shakily upwards as he looked at him.

- Yes. - He didn't look it right now, but he sounded genuine enough that Leo's head fell against his hands once more. - Yes, I'm better now. I have a dream. I worked hard to get here and I have a dream I'm trying to fulfill. And this place is beautiful, the food is really nice, the classes seem to be rather enjoyable and... and I have a friend. - His voice broke at the last word. Leo grabbed his knee a little harder, trying with all his might to stop his tears from falling. - You see now why dreams are so important? - Leo sobbed again and nodded. And once he heard Finn's worn-out gentile voice, it was closer to him, as if he had bent down closer to his knees to tell him. - You are the only one who decides when to stop following your dreams, no one else. No one else gets to come and tell you what to wish for, no one should have the power to tame you, Leo. You can be a wild horse, untethered and free, only you decide when to stop your heart. -

Leo took in a deep breath, filling up his lungs, clearing his head, stopping his tears and sobs. And he kept on breathing as he held onto him. As he knelt there on the floor at his feet and held onto his knee like a lifeline, resting his forehead against his own hands for clearance and peace of mind as Finn's wise words washed him off of guilt and pain, while the knowledge that this might have never happened engraved in his heart maybe permanently. But for now, he breathed and thanked whoever listened for letting him meet this person. Because he had needed Finn as well as the other way around.

Dreams... He'll think of untethered wild horses later, but for now, he took the collar of his shirt and pulled it up to dry his face with one hand while the other held on tightly. And he breathed deeply as he felt the cold wind hitting his back and rustling his hair a bit. Once he was done, he felt so tired, so incredibly tired that he sighed as placed his other hand again over his knee and rested his temple over them.

He heard Finn chuckling softly, and he was so immensely glad to be able to hear that sound that he smiled with him and refrained from tearing up again.

- Are you sleepy? - He asked sweetly.

And maybe a tear might have fallen as he answered.

- Boy, you know me so well. -

Finn chuckled again.

Leo smiled and tasted the other tear that fell.

- Would you like to take a nap before dinner? -

The warmth... The feeling of home... Leo nearly forgot reality completely and asked what was for dinner.

- Yes. - He exhaled.

- Ok. - Finn answered and then waited. But once nothing happened, he chuckled. - Let go of me so I can organize your bed. -

Leo smiled. So sweet, it was all such a sweet dream. Once again, he nearly slipped and asked him for fluffy blankets.

- Ok. - Leo answered. But before he let go, he looked up. Finn was indeed resting his head over his hand as his elbow rested on the other knee.

He felt like a kid, somehow. Not in a bad way but in a comforting way. In a way that made him feel protected and cared for. And the way Finn smiled softly down at him, as if he was also thanking the heavens for finding him, made him inhale deeply to the point where he simply couldn't take in anymore.

Begrudgingly, he let go of his knee and leaned back, placing his hands on the floor.

Cold. So cold after such warmth.               

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