Adimpletionibus

Realizations

The moment Taehyung left, Jungkook threw himself onto the bed with a smile and rolled over to look up at the ceiling. His heart was going a mile an hour, he felt better since he's eaten, he felt like a lot of tension had left his body along with all those tears and right now he felt relieved and happy. Very peaceful, indeed.

And even though he still had the lingering feeling of anguish of the time when he saw Taehyung running away from him, it couldn't affect him anymore, not with Taehyung's promise fresh in his ear and the feeling of his kiss fresh on his lips.

However, there was a matter that Taehyung had left him with, and it was just how miserable his life actually was.

Jungkook got up from the bed and busied himself with organizing the living room where they ate.

He always had the sense of how Taehyung's life was outside of the moments they spent together, but the way he had cried back there, the way he shook with stifled sobs that ripped away from his heart, the way he held Jungkook like he was his safe line, or like it was the last time he would be hugging him, or like he was afraid Jungkook would get away, or... like he was desperate to be held. It was heartbreaking to see him in such anguish, and also surprising. But, most of all, it was unnerving. Just how much was he keeping to himself to suffer alone when he wasn't alone anymore? However, Jungkook felt confident that Taehyung would indeed try to let him in next time his heart wanted to close off in distress.

Jungkook walked to the kitchen with the paper bag in one hand and rubbish in the other, then he threw away the rubbish and put the paper bag inside the fridge, where he found the plate with cut apple pieces Taehyung had cut that morning. He took it out and placed it on the kitchen counter where he rested his elbows as he ate them absentmindedly.

So, Namjoon's lover was Seokjin. Jungkook couldn't... understand.

Namjoon was such a kind and humble guy, liking to work in the shadows and making sure everything in the library is well organized without expecting anybody to acknowledge his hard work since he doesn't look for attention in it; he was completely terrified when he thought Jungkook had snitched, but once he understood that Jungkook was a friend, he immediately accepted him with open arms, telling him a little about who he had been with behind the shelves and smiling positively adoringly as he told Jungkook they've been together for a year. He looked completely satisfied when he told him how his persistence of a year had paid off and his eyes were like melted honey as he told him -in other words- how this man was way better than anything he had ever had or could've ever dreamed of.

But Seokjin... Jungkook couldn't understand what had happened there. Jungkook would've thought Taehyung had made a mistake in thinking it was him if it hadn't been because Seokjin knew he had been the one that gave Namjoon the drawing.

Humble Namjoon had snobbish Seokjin for a lover... What had he seen in Seokjin that had enthralled him so completely to the point of going at it over and over again for a whole year without wavering? Aside from his gorgeous looks, Jungkook hadn't been able to grasp anything else worth giving his time to. That first impression he got was not inviting enough to want to try to socialize with him any time soon, let alone a whole year.

Love is so weird.

He took the last piece of apple and washed the dish to then let it dry inside the -unplugged- dishwasher, then looked around. However, his eyes immediately stopped in the almost empty bookshelf that Taehyung has only been able to fill a corner of.

...Well, he knew that Taehyung had no specific plan when it came to the bookshelf and that he hadn't filled it because he had been busy... Also, Taehyung did tell him before he left that he could do whatever he wanted... And this morning they were discussing what things they'll buy for the apartment as if it was theirs, for the both of them, so...

Jungkook headed towards the bathroom with excitement in his whole body. He went inside the closet and started to turn around boxes here and there to find the ones with a "B" for then to start sliding the first one thru the floor (because he couldn't lift it right now), and he repeated the same process nine times, always with a smile on his face and his heart racing with excitement. At one point, he did start to sweat under the hoodie so he took it off and respectfully went through the other boxes until he finally found a white round-neck t-shirt (which smelled amazing). By going through those other boxes of clothes (and folding the ones he had used earlier to calm himself down by the smell) he realized that Taehyung had only one of five boxes for comfortable clothes that he actually liked to wear while the others were full of "grown-up" clothes. A visual representation of how Taehyung might be feeling in this life, perhaps.

With all the boxes finally beside the bookshelf, he draped the hoodie he had been wearing over the back of the sofa, nodded once, and started to work by taking the first box.

He felt excited while doing this, he really liked the thought of just how prettier it would look once he finishes, and also... perhaps he was also excited by how Taehyung will react once he sees what he's done. Jungkook's smile widened. He could maybe even organize them by color, or from A to Z, or genre; will Taehyung have different kinds of book genres? Jungkook thinks he just has Philosophy and Romance books, maybe a little bit of Geek Mythology and History books here and there.

He opened the first box by cutting away the tape (with a knife he took from the kitchen), and the first thing he noticed, aside from how neatly piled they were, was how they all had sticky notes poking out of all of them.

Just for curiosity, he opened the first one, and oh, they didn't only have sticky notes on the inside as well, the margins were completely covered in black inked writing.

This was the first time he saw Taehyung's calm handwriting. The first time ever was on the board of the class but was nowhere close to this one. He wrote in cursive and the letters were slightly tilted to the side. Jungkook almost couldn't understand what it all said even if it all appeared to be in English, but even so, he would still just stare at all his notes. His handwriting was beautiful. And organized; nothing overlapped with anything, even if there were upside-down notes, they went completely straight, even when he had scratched a word to use another it was a clean single line over the discarded word. It all looked so neat and organized in an all-over-the-place way.

He didn't know for how long he had been staring, but, when he felt he could look away, he closed the book and put it gently on the floor.

He decided to first take all the books out of the boxes to see what he'll be working with and then he'll find which way to organize them would fit better.

Three empty boxes later: His assumption was proven wrong. Taehyung likes to read a lot of different things, it seems. Adventure (e.g., The Call of the Wild), Classics (e.g., To Kill a Mockingbird), Mystery (e.g., The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes), Fantasy (e.g., Circe), Historical Fiction (e.g., Memoirs of a Geisha), Romance (e.g., Royal Holiday), Science Fiction (e.g., The Hunger Games), Biographies (e.g., I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings), History (e.g., 1776), Poetry (e.g., The Sun and Her Flowers), as well as big study books. All of them had sticky notes poking out and all had the initials T.H written in a corner of their spines with a black permanent marker, they all looked very used. Even in the Fantasy and Romance books there was writing in the margins. And he was only in the third box, of ten. Granted, Taehyung already opened one, so, nine.

Jungkook was only now realizing that maybe he had bitten more than he could chew, but he would never admit that. However, between you and me, he had bitten more than he could chew, so now he was kneeling on the floor with a book in his hands and a discontent look in his eyes as he stared around at the other six boxes he had yet to open as well as the books that were outside the other three. There were too many books of all different colors, genres, and sizes, there was just no aesthetic way to organize them. That was what made Jungkook feel discontent. He knew that Taehyung wouldn't care how they looked, seeing how they weren't even organized in the boxes, but he wanted to put his own touch to it...

Jungkook stared down at the book he had in his hands, it was one of the heavy study books. For some reason, the realization that he wanted to put his own personal touch on something physical that belonged to Taehyung was somehow... disconcerting? unnerving? unsettling? baffling?... New.

He just decided on placing the books on the bookshelf as they were, no personal touch, just mere organization by his own hand, and that was all he'll put to it.

It wasn't necessarily bad for him to want to make this place just as his as it was Taehyung's... was it? Jungkook sighed as he grabbed another small pile of books to place on the bookshelf. It did sound bad. This was not his apartment in any way even if Taehyung had asked him to make it a home together... No, no, Taehyung was not completely aware of what he was saying when he said that, he was just daydreaming, he himself had said it to him...

But... that means he dreams about it even when he's awake... To make a home together...

Jungkook realized he had stopped his work and immediately went back to it.

Taehyung views the world differently than he does, he believes in fairytales and destiny when he himself believes in facts and logic. But really, no one could blame them for turning out like that, Taehyung had been brought up with the beliefs of his family that they all had found their destined partners and lived a happy life right there in the countryside by an old woods that had its own history, and Jungkook had been brought up with... Well, in the monarchy of society where dreams count for nothing more than wasting time if you don't have the money to make it happen. It's nobody's fault that the world each was brought up in had molded them.

But it would indeed be their fault if any of them screw up their act in the outside world. In the world of lies, all that mattered is to make sure the lie is believed by all who could ever hear it. Whoever distant, whoever important, they must believe the lie is true, otherwise, the slightest bit of wind could crumble whatever he had built over the foundations of that lie. Just like he had told Taehyung, he needed to make his friends believe he was not seeing any girl because the vigilance cameras would say the contrary. Anything that could jeopardize the lie had to be avoided.

But he has been very careless with this lie, and it was the most important one of his life as it could very well cost him his life. He had been very careless. The hickeys, any mark on his skin that could be seen even by mistake: a hazy mind just woken up in the morning cost him Jimin seeing and perhaps recognizing a hickey on his neck, a mind preoccupied with getting inside the bathroom as fast as he could cost him Tom looking at him shirtless, letting him see any and every mark he had on him, him continuing to sit on Taehyung's lap even when he was on the phone with Emily cost him having to tell them he was seeing a girl. And many more things had passed that could end it all very badly.

But thankfully, it all seemed calm somehow, like everything is working in their favor somehow. Like when his father personally asked Taehyung to keep a close eye on him allowing them to have an excuse for Jungkook's continuous presence in Taehyung's apartment/office. However, that's the thing, they are only allowed to be together in this apartment for so long because they had a valid excuse: Mr. Kim was trying to lecture Jungkook into stop being a troublemaker, but because he himself had "publicly" shown to prefer staying in Taehyung's apartment than going back to his friends at once, it implied that the animosity between the teacher and the student was dissolving, henceforth they wouldn't have a valid reason for him to stay so much time in Taehyung's apartment since friendship was not as time-consuming -in his father's perspective- as correcting a troublemaker would be, meaning that he wouldn't see a reason why they would still be seeing a lot of each other in Taehyung's apartment, which would make him suspicious (or a least weirded out, which would be just as bad).

Jungkook slowly came to a terrible conclusion: He had to continue being a troublemaker.

Jungkook's hands stopped as he opened another box. This revelation made him groan. He sat down on the floor with a grimace. He'll have to go back to his school days, wreaking havoc every day. He finally got out of that mindset, he finally found peace, he was finally starting to be genuinely happy, and he'll have to go back to looking sour about everything and fighting everybody like a Chav [white trash; douchebag]. He'll have to do just the thing his father, the Headmaster, had strictly prohibited him from doing.

He has to do it, he has to be a troublemaker that still needs Taehyung's help. Maybe if they were separated for a couple of days and his good boy manner went deteriorating to the point where he did something bad again and only Taehyung was there to stop him, then maybe his father -and anybody else- could realize that Taehyung's presence was necessary for him to continue being a good boy.

He'll have to show them that Taehyung's friendship/his presence was what kept him "sane" and away from trouble, otherwise they wouldn't have a reason for them to be together all the time.

Only his devotion to his relationship with Taehyung would make him do such a thing.

Trying to ease his disgruntlement, he went back to opening up the next box and emptying it of books, but then, he remembered how he couldn't leave any personal touches on the redecoration of Taehyung's apartment because that would be a terrible idea (since anybody who knew him could realize right away he had partaken in the decoration of his teacher's apartment, whom he should not be too close with, even in friendship), and that didn't help him when it came to taking his frown off his face.

But eventually, he had to see the logical side of it: That it was all for the best. If not, he wouldn't even think about it. If they were actually, truly and irrevocably, going to live together forever, then eventually they'll have a home of their own that he could decorate however he wanted along with Taehyung, so the fact that he couldn't do it right now shouldn't upset him.

Only his devotion to Taehyung would make him allow himself to believe the fairy tale ending Taehyung had in his mind, and go along with it. It's not that he doesn't want it, it's just that he doesn't want to believe in something that seems too perfect for this cold world. But if Taehyung is as sure of their future as he says, then he should be too.

Realizing that thinking about all of this was tiring, he focused on not only organizing the books on the bookshelf but also straightening the bent sticky notes and counting each book just to see how many he had.

And while Jungkook calmed himself with his work, he couldn't notice that his phone was vibrating in his backpack which was still over the kitchen counter.

Another unanswered call.

- Bloody hell. Voice mail, again. - Leo cursed under his breath as he ripped his phone away from his ear.

- I think you should stop trying, it only makes you angrier. - Emily grabbed his wrist the moment his thumbs went to try to call him again. He looked up at her anxious, delicate face and breathed in very deeply, not wanting to be anywhere near angry with her around. Then, he nodded and lowered his hands, pocketing his phone again after Emily let his wrist go.

- He has to get back to his room eventually, students aren't allowed to pass the night there. - Finn tried to reassure him as well, with his own arms around his torso, protecting himself from the chill since his sweatshirt was not enough now that the temperature had dropped as the evening went on.

They were standing on the side of one of the white paths in the garden between the Library and the Cafeteria, continuing the discussion they had over lunch well away from prying ears.

- Yeah, I know, but I just... - Leo trailed away, looking indecisive as he frowned down at the floor.

He was worried about Jungkook. Not that he thinks he's weak, he just knows he crumbles easier than him. Suddenly getting so sick that he needed to spend the whole day at some teacher's apartment? The way his voice sounded so tired over the phone? The way he ran away positively panic-stricken when he saw Mr. Evans at the door with them? And what about that voice he heard aside from Jungkook's on the phone saying "No more phone for you, Mr. Jeon.".

Leo's frown deepened and he looked up, cutting in the conversation Finn and Emily were having that he hadn't been paying attention to.

- The last thing I heard before Jungkook ended the call was a man saying "No more phone for you, Mr. Jeon". - He finished and looked at the other two, waiting to hear what they thought. Finn shifted somewhat uncomfortably in his place while Emily looked from him to Leo.

- Well, you told me he was at Professor Taehyung's apartment, right? Maybe you called him right when they were discussing something? - Emily tried to guess, but then Finn talked as he looked at the floor.

- I heard it too. The phone was on speaker. It didn't necessarily sound upset, just serious, and it was right after Jungkook had sounded very upset. - When he finished, he looked back up at Leo, meaningfully.

They hadn't told Emily anything about their awful theories or... or the conversation they had in that narrow corridor. Nothing that could upset her. But then, because they had done that and she lacks a lot of information, they can't really talk freely about any theory they could come up with in her presence for fear that she would get upset or anxious like how she had gotten the night before when Jungkook wouldn't arrive.

- I know, I know. - Emily said excitedly. - What if Professor Taehyung was just looking out for him like a great teacher? - They looked disbelieving at her. - No, wait, really, you said he sounded upset and Professor Taehyung had been the one who took care of him when he was sick the night before, so what if he was just trying to keep him away from anything that would deteriorate his health again? -

She had a point, they could see that. But either way, they still looked disbelieving. It's just that, to not only help a student through the night but also throughout the whole day without giving the burden to a doctor or the friends of the student? No one would be that good of a person. But Leo didn't want to tell her all of this, it would make her health deteriorate.

He'll have to talk to Finn alone.

- Ok. Let's just go to our classes, we're late already. - Leo said, sounding less worried as he put one hand in his pocket and held the string of his bag with the other.

- Yeah, I'm freezing. - Finn chuckled as he rubbed his hands up and down his biceps - We have "Language" now, and you? - He asked Emily, and as she told him it was "Biology" far more calm than before as she started walking ahead, Finn looked at Leo with a stare that meant plainly "I know" and looked ahead as they walked.

"I know you want to talk to me", "I know what you're trying to do", and "I know what to do, don't worry".

Finn's bright green eyes were so expressive. At first, it was unnerving to Leo how easily he could understand them, but, in times like this, it seems like a good thing to have. However, he would like those eyes to remain locked on something for more than five seconds, it was just uncomfortable for Leo, to be stared at so repeatedly and... intently.

Leo walked behind them, trying to think, following Finn's footsteps that would eventually lead them both to their classroom and away from Emily. His mind was all over the place and he hated it, he just wanted to focus on one thing and that's it. If it was bad, he'll deal with that thing alone, if it was good, then great, but right now he couldn't understand anything that was making him frown down at the floor. He hated having to worry so much about things, that's why he always wanted to know everything that was going on around him, so if there was any inclination of a problem, he could just move the pieces on the board in a way that would make it work.

But he was missing pieces, he knew he was missing pieces and yet the board wasn't missing any. Why did he have this feeling of foreboding? It was like something was wrong or like he didn't know something important or like something bad was going to happen or... like something bad was happening right now.

- Bye, Leo. - Emily kissed him on the cheek and walked towards the corridor on their left.

- ...bye. - He answered late and low as he looked at her retrieving back, his mind still a million miles away.

- Ok, you wanna talk now or... - Finn said beside him, his hands in the pockets of his sweatshirt as he looked straight through him with a meaningful stare, right into his soul. -What's the matter? - He asked gently, worried for him.

Why? What had he seen?

Leo swallowed.

- I hate this. - Was the first thing he said, he hadn't even decided on saying it, his own voice sounded rough when he spoke, but, once he uttered them, it was like his mind could finally connect to the present again where he could hear the chatter of students walking by and feel the cold of the wind blowing in thru the windows.

And he did hate this, he hated feeling lost, he hated feeling like he wasn't in some control of the pieces on his board, he hated this feeling of foreboding, like the enemy had more control over the pieces on his own board.

He hated this feeling of weakness.

- I can see you do. -

Of course, he could, what could those eyes of his not see?

Leo scoffed and rolled his eyes, he also hated how Finn could see right through him, right through his bravery, he hated the thought that Finn could know more about him than he wanted him to know about. And yet... Finn... he... and Leo couldn't–... even if he tried, he couldn't–...

Leo took a deep breath and walked closer to one of the windows of the corridor.

- Leo, - Finn tried to get him to look at him again, but... he didn't really want to right now, not when he was feeling this vulnerable. - Leo, - He spoke softer this time, right beside him but still respectfully away. And yet, Leo still wouldn't look at him, he felt better looking outside the window like he had a purpose, even if that wasn't the case. - Ok then, don't look at me, but at least tell me what you're thinking, that way I can help you organize those thoughts. -

Leo swallowed again. He didn't like this, he really didn't like this. Finn... He has never met anybody like him and it was really unnerving. And yet, he knew he needed him. It felt terrible to even think the words but he really needed him, he was the best listener he had ever met, and not only that but... he gave off such a strong feeling of reliance, and he... he just...

It wouldn't be bad to say that he needed him, right? It wouldn't be bad to need a friend, right? It's just a friend, it's just another man, just another dude, just another... another...

A... male... Emily...? He could talk to him like he would to Emily, right? Right? Right?!

He was waiting for some God-almighty sign to materialize and tell him that he could open up to Finn, otherwise, he felt like he would be breaking the rules.

It was breaking the rules to talk openly to a man, right? It was breaking the rules to talk about deep feelings and emotions and being sentimental with a man, right? Of course, it was, being sentimental? with a man? Of course, it was wrong... Of course, it was wrong... He shouldn't talk to Finn, Finn was still a stranger, Finn was a man who cared too much, Finn resembled Emily in a lot of things and that wasn't good, Finn...

Leo was getting tired, his head was hurting, he was aware that he was taking too much time to answer and he knew Finn was aware of it too, and yet... Finn wasn't pushing him. He was waiting; patiently waiting.

What a... unique man he was.

Leo took in a deep breath and tried to be a proper man, a strong man, a brave man, a true man raised by his father. He squared his shoulders and tightened his jaw as he looked out the window.

- I don't need your help, I can organize my thoughts alone–

- Let me stop you right there. - Finn cut him off, and he reached a hand to touch his forearm with his fingertips. His voice was low and still soft; a murmur. Leo looked at him then, an unstoppable reflection due to the fingers touching his bare skin, and he realized his mistake right when those... eyes... looked right at him. - Leo, your thoughts have been all over the place since this morning. If you haven't been able to organize them by now, you need help. - He spoke calmly, reassuringly, but Leo tore his arm away from his fingertips in complete alarm, his mind concentrated on nothing more than the lingering feeling of his touch on his skin.

- Who the fuck cares if I need help or not, I'm a bloody man and I do not need help from people like you. - He finished that with a pointed look down at his own forearm. While he said it, he noticed mildly how he was hoping that, if anybody or any entity had seen Finn touch him, that they had also seen this reaction and realized he hadn't broken any rule.

Finn pursed his lips and looked around with a slow continuous nod as he retrieved his hand. Leo looked at how he stared around and around like it was absent-minded. But still, he wouldn't leave. Was he looking for something? Or was he just hurt? Well, if he was hurt, he should think twice before doing that again–

Finn grabbed his shoulders and walked forward hurriedly, making him walk backward with no idea of what was happening. His body shut down in alarm, and then his heart started hammering when, all of a sudden, they were inside a tiny room with terrible, yellow lighting. Finn let go of his shoulders and Leo turned around to see where they were. It was a janitor's closet supply. At the sound of a door lock clicking shut, he spun around again, and indeed, Finn had locked them inside.

He didn't know what to do, what to think, what to expect, not right after Finn had touched his forearm like that, he had no idea anymore if this was a friend or not. Why were they here? What were his intentions?

Finn took a deep breath to calm down his heaving chest as he stood right in front of the door, and then raised his hands, palms up.

- I will need you to calm down first. -

Leo's slight crouched stance couldn't be swayed, not when he was at a disadvantage, not when he felt so scared. But his voice came out low and controlled, the complete opposite of his heartbeat.

- Tell me why you locked us in here, then I'll choose whether to calm down or not. - He found himself hoping Finn was the friend he thought he was.

Finn nodded, still with his palms up, showing that he was no threat, and then spoke calmly.

- I saw your resolution outside. I saw how you were debating whether or not to open up to me and I saw just when you decided that it wouldn't be manly even before you opened your mouth. And, right after that, when I touched your arm, you flinched away and looked around in alarm. You were afraid of talking or acting freely for fear that someone would see, so I brought us here. Yes, I dragged you, but it was because you wouldn't have come with me otherwise and you really need to open up or the weight of your thoughts might crush you and I won't... I won't let that happen, I won't let you suffer alone "like a man", I won't let you hurt yourself like that. - He finished in a tinier voice. But then his eyes locked on Leo's defiantly, determinately, honesty as clear as their bright green color that was still visible in this terrible dull-yellowish lighting.

Leo didn't know what to do. For instance, he didn't know what he was allowed to do in a situation where no one could see or hear. He had never truly opened up, not even to Jungkook or Emily, he had no idea how to start or even if he was truly allowed. Was this allowed? Or are they just breaking the rules by being trapped here together? Two men, in a janitor's closet, together, where no one could see or hear... This was wrong, this was wrong, they were breaking some rule. He had no idea which but it was some rule, he couldn't break rules, his parents wouldn't like that, and his record would be ruined. What if someone opened the door and finds them here? What if Jungkook's father was informed of this and he... What if? What if? What if? He couldn't, he shouldn't, he didn't know– he didn't know– What to do?!!!!

- Leo, listen to me... - Finn's voice was so soft, so reassuring, his eyes... his eyes...

- No... - Leo begged as his body ached with the need to follow the rules.

- There's no danger here... - So calm, so peaceful...

- No... - His feet took a small step back. Was there really no danger in a place where he knew nothing about?

- We're both humans with feelings, Leo. We both hurt, we both feel, and we both need kindness. Please, let me be the shoulder you rest upon, you need to open up, you need to let go of a lot of things. Please... Please don't keep it all inside, it will just hurt you even more. - The despair in his whisper as he begged him to open up was so foreign to Leo, not even Emily had ever begged him to talk about his feelings like that.

- ...why do you care so much about my feelings? - He asked in a whisper, afraid to be heard even in complete solitude.

Finn's eyes turned sad, the corners of his mouth turned downwards, and, suddenly, Leo felt like he was the one intruding on something private. It took some time, some deliberation, but, in the end, Finn spoke.

- I've seen firsthand what being a proper man does to good guys. I've seen them... crumble, turn into something they never wanted to be... I've seen them...die on the inside. I've seen them... - Dismay cut his words before they could come out, and he had to look down as his hands went to his neck. It looked like he was trying really hard to calm down, trying really hard to keep breathing as he rubbed his hands around his neck, almost like he was remembering an injury happening in such a place. And, once he looked back up with his hands over his own shoulders, he was holding back tears. - Every single man that I've met before, every single boy, every single guy, every single one of them, I've been able to do nothing but watch as they fall apart right in front of my eyes. And I've tried, I've tried to talk to them but they wouldn't listen, they wouldn't let me help them because "strong men don't need help". -

- And they fall apart. Little by little, the person they were, disappears, to be replaced by this "strong man" that's nothing but a machine of work and toil, a soulless machine that feels nothing, a soulless strong man that doesn't need help because there's no one there anymore. A soulless father that kept it all inside, filling his lungs until it finally killed him. He was a strong man, he never asked for help to get him to the hospital, never asked for help to buy his medicine, never asked for help to pay for his chemotherapy. He died as he lived, a strong man that never asked for help, leaving behind five strong men that looked up to him, and one little boy that could do nothing but watch as all his once lovely family turned into blood-related strangers living in the same house. Strong men, all of them, that never talk about their feelings and keep it all inside, working for pay, living to work... Soulless... -

- It happens to all. Every single man that I've been close to, my family, ...my friends... myself... - An unstoppable sob broke through him as his hands went back to his neck and he averted his eyes to try to breathe, and breathe, and breathe. Until he could finally talk again, with tear tracks under his eyes, but his voice steady. - I can see that you're still you, you're still whole, you still have a soul, I can see it, and I can see that you're troubled, I can see that you need help. I was hoping that you would open up eventually but... after you told me what happens to you when you get angry... I can't let you keep all of that inside, not when you're such a nice person, Leo. I can't just sit back and let another kind person die. -

Something clicked inside Leo. It all made sense now. He could see Finn clearer than before. Seeing the world through his agonizing eyes... he could understand. If it was him, and he had lived through all of that, and Jungkook was the one keeping it all inside like he was trying to, he would be just as desperate to save him from such fate.

And if it was Finn... he would want to help him too.

Leo relaxed his stance and straightened up, a pained frown on his forehead at the thought that being the strong man he always thought he should be could've cost him his life. He felt a knot forming in his throat as he watched Finn's tears rolling down his cheeks. His own grandfather died of overwork just like Jungkook's, and he rarely sees his own father because he's working all the time, just like Jungkook's, and without even realizing it... he was following in those same footsteps.

His head fell as slowly as his shoulders. He had been trying so hard to be a strong man all his life, for what? If what Finn said was true... and his eyes indeed could see far beyond anybody else's, then... what should he do? What could he do? Finn was... he was still another man, he couldn't just... open up to another... man...

His head was starting to hurt again. The second he started to make excuses, his shoulders felt heavier. He was not ready at all to do something he had never done.

But, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

- I don't know what to do. - Leo admitted low and then heard a deep intake of breath.

- What do you want to do? - Finn asked softly.

Leo decided right on the spot that it would be better to think out loud otherwise he would end up saying nothing.

- What do I want to do... I want to... I want to.... I want to do what's right. - He said honestly, that was something he'd had very clear since he was little, he wanted to do what was right.

- Ok. Right for who? -

Leo opened his eyes and looked at the floor, completely taken aback. He had never been asked that.

- Who...? What do you mean? -

- You say you want to do what's right, but whose definition of right? Your friends? Your family? Your country? Society? Yourself? - He asked it very slowly for him to be able to hear and understand what he said, but it wasn't the lack of understanding that was making him frown deeper and shake his head, it was the bafflement.

- Whose definition of right? - He repeated the question to himself but hearing it twice only increased his distress. - I... I've always followed what other people say is right, I–... -

Leo stopped as his hand went up to his mouth and he started biting his knuckles absentmindedly. "I've always followed what other people say is right".

The despair overwhelmed him all of a sudden to the point where he fell to his knees, hands falling loosely on either side of him. Dimly he noticed Finn getting to his knees as well.

- I always thought I had all the control, but... It was never my decision, was it? I moved how other people told me to move, neither pieces nor board were mine. My hand moved them but I wasn't the one who moved my hand. What...? -

He still couldn't believe what he was muttering. It was terrible, accepting that would be demolishing his current path completely, it would mean derailing a train that was going a million miles an hour. There would be no survivors if he did a sudden turn right now. He needed time, he needed... time to understand; to accept.

- Do you need time? -

Leo looked up at him. How can he know so easily? How can he see so clearly?... How can he be so compassionate with a past like his? How can he still be so open with so many heartbreaks? Leo realized now that Finn looked better, with no tears staining his face, and there was something else in the way he was looking at him... Could it be hope? Leo took a deep breath at the realization that, if he had to open up about his feelings in order to survive as himself, then there was no better person to do it with than someone who understood and was wise, who listened carefully and paid attention, who was willing to give all his time and energy to it.

Leo gave a weak, sad, little smile.

- Yes, I need time. - He whispered, feeling discontent, yet... grateful.

- Ok. - Finn smiled reassuringly at him and slowly stood up to then get close to him and offer him a hand.

Leo looked at the hand, the hand of a man, and then up at Finn.

It wasn't just the hand of a man, it was Finn's hand. The hand of a friend.

He took it.

After they were standing and he realized once more that he was taller than him by half a head, he looked at the floor. Finn was far more mature, it made him feel like he was talking to someone older.

- Do you want to go to your dorm or to the class? - Finn asked and he took out his phone to look at the clock. - Hm, there's just fifteen minutes left, let's just go to your room. - Leo just nodded and once Finn turned around to open the door, his heart went ballistic.

- Wait. - He said hurriedly with a hand reaching out to stop him, but he stopped before he could touch it. Finn looked at him. - Before we go, let's just promise we won't talk about this to anyone, ok? - He whispered, unsure.

Finn nodded with half a smile.

- Of course. I'm a safe zone, and so is my room since I have no roommate. - He chuckled, and Leo nodded, feeling reassured and calmer than before.

- Let's go to your room then. -

Finn chuckled again.

- Ok. - And then he opened the door.

The bright light of the cloudy day made them squint their eyes as they stepped out. Finn closed the door behind them, and once Leo could see properly again, he opened his eyes and looked calmly around at the wide corridor–

Professor Taehyung was standing there, briefcase in hand, frowning in disbelief and confusion at the pair of them getting out of the janitor's closet.

Leo's heart rate went unhealthily up and running, all his muscles tensed, and he was locked in "alarm, alarm, alarm, you were discovered getting out of a narrow place with another man, alarm, you broke the rules, alarm, where the fuck is Jungkook if this man was here?"

Leo froze... Where the fuck was Jungkook if this man was here...? His protective side went up higher than his fear and he started walking straight toward him.

- Leo, no... - Finn tried to stop him with a whisper. But when Leo hadn't listened, he followed him.

Leo just had his eyes on this man who had his chin held high in defiance. How dare he square his shoulders, huh? Leo stood right in front of him and looked him straight in the eyes.

- Where the fuck is Jungkook? -

Professor Taehyung tilted his head slightly as he squinted his eyes.

- Language, I'm still a teacher, Leonardo. - Leo was about to ask again, maybe even more rudely, but Taehyung cut him off. - Jungkook chose to stay in my apartment and I granted him that. -

Leo frowned. Somehow, he didn't believe him. Maybe it was just because he didn't like him but he truly just wanted to get Jungkook away from any man that resembled his father.

- Aha, and where's his phone? -

Taehyung frowned slightly and put his other hand inside his pocket looking confused.

- I assume it's in his bag, that's where I saw he put it last. Why? -

Could he be lying? No, he looked too honest. Leo was so angry, he just wanted Jungkook away from that place, he knew Jungkook didn't like men that resembled his father.

- He's not answering his phone. - Leo said, positively fuming like Taehyung had anything to do with Jungkook not answering his phone.

- Well, I can't help you with that. Maybe he's reading or drawing, he could even be sleeping, he's still very tired. - He sounded genuine, and Leo hated it, he just wanted this man to be the complete monster he had painted in his head so he could have a reason to save Jungkook, and all he was having was a picture of Jungkook not even needing nor wanting to be rescued.

- Why do you keep him there? He could be with us. Or if he's really that bad he could go to the hospital wing. -

- He doesn't like hospitals. -

- Who cares if he-- How the fuck do you know that shit? -

- Leonardo, don't make me say it again, watch your tongue. - Taehyung warned him and then sighed. - Look, Jungkook chose to stay there, I don't know why he's not answering his phone, and I know about him not liking hospitals because that's the main reason why he stayed in my apartment in the first place also, you said it in my presence. I want nothing but to help him, Leonardo. He needed help. -

Need help... That struck a chord in Leo, it reminded him of just a minute ago with Finn. So Taehyung is just being a friend...

Still, Leo wanted to try, just one more time, just for ego's sakes.

- It doesn't sound like him. -

Taehyung frowned deeper, more confused.

- What doesn't? -

Leo looked at him up and down, at his clearly tailored suit, polished shoes, Italian briefcase, and strong appearance.

- He would never open up to men that resemble his father. Not again. - That last part slipped, and he realized what he had said just after he saw the slight alarm in Taehyung's worried, serious eyes. It was the lingering feeling of letting himself talk freely with Finn that made him say that last part. Stupid, stupid, what if he just made things harder for Jungkook?

- What are you talking about? - Taehyung asked seriously, taking a step toward him. But Leo shook his head as he stepped back. Jungkook decided to stay there, he doesn't need saving, he doesn't want to be saved, and Leo should just step back and let him be. But Taehyung still looked determinedly worried. - Leonardo, what did you mean by that? What do you know? -

- I know that Jungkook wouldn't want anyone to know. I'll be waiting for him, sooner or later he has to come back. - As he said this, he stepped backward, away from Taehyung.

But Taehyung walked toward him and grabbed his shoulder to keep him still before he let go.

- Fine then. What were you two doing in there? - Taehyung asked low and fast, motioning towards the janitor's closet with a nod and looking between Finn and him.

Leo felt really affronted by this and he couldn't help but be defensive.

- Mind your own fucking business. - He said with a grimace.

Professor Taehyung didn't like that at all.

- You're forgetting your place, boy. - He said menacingly, and Leo's defense broke at that, his eyebrows lifted, his blue eyes went wide, and he took a step back.

- No wonder Jungkook is so compliant. You're just like his father. - Taehyung froze, and Leo took his chance to walk away, not before giving Finn a look and knowing he would follow.

As Taehyung saw their fast retrieving backs, he felt frozen. It wasn't just that Jungkook's best friend knew about his supposed aversion towards men that resembled his father, that same friend that knew Jungkook's father through Jungkook's eyes had looked at him and said he was just like him.

He had to remind himself that it was just an act, that he otherwise would've never cared if Leo cursed in front of him, but that he was just acting like Jungkook's father. It was all an act, he had to remind himself that.

But what were those two doing in there?

Taehyung unfroze himself and kept on walking towards the Professors' Living Area with a frown on his forehead.

He had been already heading that way because the meeting had finished early since there wasn't much to talk about due to the semester barely beginning. He asked around and they told him those meetings (The Friday Meeting) were inconsistent with how much time they would take, so they could be less than one hour long -like today- or longer, depending on the heaviness or importance of the previous and upcoming work they would be revising. One time it lasted up to five hours because of a problem that needed solving on a very important week that couldn't have any problems at all. So he's more than happy that today it was short and he could go back to Jungkook.

He did in fact talk to Mr. Jeon... and Mrs. Abram... since they both were there. Though he talked more to Jungkook's father than to her. That whole ordeal had been so bizarre, to have in his mind this picture of monstrous abusers set by Jungkook's reactions and memories and then seeing these two people in person and not being able to connect the two realities. They cared about their workers in an apparently personal way, they knew all of their names, not only the teachers but also the lady that brought them coffee and the guard that was passing by. They greeted everybody by name and all of them greeted them just as happy.

To hear Jungkook talking about how his parents neglected him because of work was terrible, horrible, he wanted to rip them apart as he saw the pain it had inflicted on Jungkook. But then, to see them at that meeting, taking their time respectfully to hear everyone in turn, making notes and giving advice, making funny jokes and helping everyone feel comfortable and respected, showing a marvelously organized presentation about all the analytics the administration had given them for the next week's work and seeming an all together truly kind and hard-working couple that deserved their post; it left a sour taste in his mouth.

He wanted to hate them, for Jungkook, because they were truly terrible parents to him. But he couldn't hate them as one of their teachers, and that infuriated him.

Mr. Jeon looked surprised when he privately told him the idea of taking Jungkook with him to buy some things for his apartment so they could talk freely and away from the university. He kept on telling him that he shouldn't take such responsibility, that it wasn't his job to take in so much work, that Jungkook was just that way: Sometimes a good child, sometimes a pain, and that it was unchangeable; no matter what they did or stopped doing, he would still be inconsistent that way. And that he shouldn't worry too much, that if Jungkook put a foot out of line, he would surely regret it.

And it was things like that that reminded Taehyung of why these people were so despicable.

Yes, they were amazing workers and colleagues, but the way a grown-up is with their children says much more about their character than what they choose to show outside their house, and for Taehyung, they were terrible parents.

What did he mean by "he would surely regret it"? What did he mean by Jungkook "being a pain"? What did he mean by Jungkook "being too much work", "too much of a pain", and "too much responsibility that should just be kept in check every time he put a foot out of line"? Don't these people know what "having a conversation" means? But there was something there, something too deep in Jungkook's memory that he himself had said he can't remember but even so, the scars of it could be seen in the way he gets triggered. And that pain was surely difficult to be eased with just communication.

And the resentment could be such that there couldn't even be communication any longer.

There was a very slim to no possibility that the relationship between Jungkook and his parents could be healed. And the saddest thing is that Taehyung himself thinks Jungkook is so desperate to have a family that he clings to the only one he has. Even if he doesn't love them, he says he loves his family, even if they had hurt him, he says he loves his family, even if they had scarred him for life and he hated them for what they had done to him, if Taehyung asked him upfront, he would still say that he loved his family. And that was really sad.

Coming back from his hatred of Jungkook's family, Taehyung realized his feet had taken him where he wanted to go on their own as he saw at the other end of the corridor, the glass black doors that would lead him closer to his home. Jungkook.

He deserved so much more, so much more. So much happiness and love. He had to take care of him as no one had ever or will ever do, he had to, it was a necessity, he needed to see him happy, he needed to see him at peace, he wasn't meant to suffer in any way, that's why he physically couldn't take it, that's why it's overwhelming to him. He had to protect him, his heart and body told him so. It was something he had always felt in him, every time he dreamt of his destined partner he always saw himself with a need to protect, fight for them, take care of them, and give it all to them, that's what he always envisioned love to be, so now that he was with his destined partner, he had to protect him at all costs.

Including protecting him from himself.

Taehyung walked through the black glass doors and went straight to the elevator. He had taken the long way so he would avoid being with the other teachers as he needed some time to hate freely after faking his laughter with Mr. Jeon, so the place had teachers walking around again, but he paid no notice, not even when the elevator was full and they were still talking about the meeting, he just looked down and got off on his floor without another word.

Finally finally finally, Jungkook was at the other side of that door.

Taehyung, as hurriedly as he could without losing his cool, took his keys out and unlocked the door, grateful all the while that no one else needed him and he had nothing else on his agenda.

Until finally, he opened the door, got in, and closed it behind him. But, silently, as Jungkook hadn't noticed him arrive.

His heart swelled with endearment and he smiled so hugely that his eyes almost closed. Electrifying happiness and love flowed through his body faster than his own blood, and he didn't know what to do, either to run to him or walk or... take it slow or... grab him and swift him off his feet. He loved him so much.

Jungkook was softly singing a tune to himself. Such a lovely and beautiful melodious voice. While he was... he was... organizing his books on the bookshelf.

Taehyung was at a loss for words with just how much agonizing endearment he felt for him. The way he went ahead and took one of his t-shirts, the way he held a small pile of books with one arm and, with the other hand, he would grab a book delicately, read the tile, and then place it on the bookshelf, either in the middle, or the top, or the bottom, but it was always after he read the title, and all the while he sang his little tune softly. Apparently, he was on his last box, of ten.

Taehyung felt like his heart would explode.

Soundlessly he left his briefcase on the kitchen counter beside Jungkook's bag, and, on top of it, he left his suit jacket, all the while looking at Jungkook's back with a heartfelt smile, and then finally made his way silently towards him.

Jungkook wasn't worrying about anything as he sang his little tune. It was one of the many piano songs he usually listens to when he reads, or paints, or writes, or wants to take a nap; he really likes peaceful kind of music.

He was reading down on the next book's title when, suddenly, he felt the terrible sensation that he was not alone. A sudden wave of fear made him panic and he turned around as fast as he could.

- Ah! - He screamed, dropped the books, and backed away until his back hit the sturdy bookshelf. It was Taehyung, who covered his smile with both hands as he shook his head.

- I'm so sorry, my Love. - He apologized, truly sorry yet still with a smile on his face. And Jungkook's lungs worked again, his heart rate went back down and he doubled over, holding himself on his knees as he breathed. He heard Taehyung laughing, not mockingly, just joyfully, and it made him grin as well while he straightened up.

- Do not scare me like that again. Goddammit. - He cursed under his breath as Taehyung got closer to him and held him around the waist.

- I'm really sorry, I never meant to scare you. - He said, sincerely, as his eyes looked down at him with endearment and adoration. His eyes were sparkling so much. His eyes were so beautiful, his smile, the little mole under his eye, and the wave of his hair, he was just too beautiful to be angry at for any length of time. So Jungkook smiled brightly and his hands went around his neck.

- Just make yourself noticeable, ok? I thought you were someone else. - He shook his head at the ebbing panic in his chest and sighed to let it all finally go as he looked up at Taehyung's beautiful eyes, but they were slightly confused, and his smile had somehow dimmed.

- Who? I'm the only one with a key. - He asked, confused and -if Jungkook could see clearly- worried.

Jungkook heard that and got confused himself, "what did he mean by who?" but then he realized what had come out of his mouth for Taehyung to have asked that "I thought you were someone else".

Jungkook got even more confused at that.

- I... don't know. - He shrugged with a confused frown. - I just suddenly felt like I wasn't alone and, because I didn't know it was you, then... - He trailed off with his hypothesis, it was a valid one, a credible one, yet somehow Jungkook could feel deep inside the image of another man... getting into his room... without him knowing... ¡NO!

Jungkook jolted away from Taehyung's hold and his back hit the bookshelf once more as his arms went around himself. He felt cold and terrified.

But why?

- Jungkook? - Taehyung asked, concerned but staying in his place, lifting a hand in an offer to help yet not coming any closer without his consent. Not doing anything without his word first even if he looked like he clearly wanted to hold him and protect him from whatever it was that suddenly caused him distress. But the problem was that not even Jungkook knew what had caused his own distress.

Very confused he looked down at his own arms tight around his middle and he slowly unfolded them. His whole body had gone completely rigid, it was almost hard to unfreeze it. But he managed it. With a deep frown on his forehead that clearly said he had no idea what had just happened, he looked up at Taehyung. He was looking at him just as concerned, with his hands ready to hold him. So Jungkook stepped back towards him and let himself be engulfed in a delicate hug, resting his temple on Taehyung's shoulder to cover his eyes with his neck as he hugged him around his middle to feel the most of him, and his warmth, and his strength, and feel his heartbeat in his own chest, smell his soothing woodsy scent.

He breathed in deeply.

- Sorry for that. I don't know what happened. - He tried to explain in a soft voice, scared that whatever had happened would happen again, and yet reassured by Taehyung's secure hold; his loving hold.

- ...was it something I did? - Taehyung asked tentatively in the same small voice, comfortably close to his ear, keeping him close and swaying them very softly from side to side. Jungkook knew it hadn't been Taehyung's fault, but, just to make sure, he thought back on that moment. Still, he found nothing.

- Just not saying it was you. Not knowing who was behind me was what scared me. - He felt better now like he could walk out of it as if it had never happened. How weird. It left just as suddenly as it came, he can't even remember if what he saw had been a memory or... Wait, had he seen something? No, right? He just got scared because he didn't know who was behind him, that's it, a normal little fright. It had been nothing to worry about. - I'm fine, Tae. Just don't scare me again. - He shrugged.

- Are you sure? You seemed really... I mean, you were fine after I scared you accidentally but then you got scared again all of a sudden. -

...did he? Jungkook frowned. So... he didn't get scared just once like he thought? He got scared twice? The first time when Taehyung scared him and they laughed it off and then... and then... what? Then what?

- I... - What had happened? Why did he get scared the second time if they were laughing? - I don't... - Had he actually believed he just got scared once when it had actually been two times? But how? - I don't know, Tae. - He gave up. - I really have no idea why I got scared the second time. Could it have been a late reaction...? No, no idea. - He shook his head and leaned back from his neck to look him in the eyes. He was still concerned even if he tried to look reassured. - What's on your mind? - Jungkook asked him softly, he just loved seeing Taehyung so much that he felt completely fine now, just by looking at him.

Taehyung took a deep breath.

- I actually have a lot of things on my mind right now. Like, a lot of different things. - Taehyung grinned and blinked fast at the apparent great deal of information in his head.

- Shoot away. Tell me everything, all at once. I also have things to say. - He chuckled and intertwined his fingers at the small of Taehyung's back while the latter chuckled in endearment.

- Fine, get ready. - Jungkook shook his own shoulders and then nodded, making Taehyung laugh. - Ok, here it goes. The first one would be: On my way back here, I saw Leo and another guy getting out of a janitor's closet and when I confronted him about it, he went very defensive. -

Jungkook had some seconds of disbelief where it appeared he hadn't heard correctly, but then, when it clicked, his eyes went wide in shock.

- He what? - When Taehyung was about to repeat what he just said, he shook his head. - But...wait... With who? -

- The guy he was with when they came up here this morning. -

Jungkook's shock grew.

- Finn? -

- It appears so. - Taehyung looked slightly amused as he saw the display of Jungkook's emotions in his eyes.

- ...a janitor's closet? - He asked, tentatively, in denial.

- Yes. - Taehyung was still calm and collected, just watching how this piece of information went ballistic in Jungkook's head.

- I... - A slow frown made itself present on Jungkook's face at the exertion of thinking what those two were up to in there until he gave up. - I'll ask him about it when I go back. - He sighed, closed his eyes, and shook his head to clear it again. - I swear, if something very out of the ordinary happens again today, I'll shut down. - At this, Taehyung hugged him very tightly, hiding his grinning face in his neck.

- No, don't, that's it for today, I promise. Don't shut down. -

Jungkook smiled softly as he returned the hug just as tightly and hid his own face in his neck.

- I--

A phone started ringing, loud enough for both of them to hear. But Jungkook's was on vibration, wasn't it?

- Oh, that's my phone. -

Jungkook got slightly startled out of Taehyung's neck, and then laughed at his own stupidity.

- What a tosser I've been, I never thought you had a phone. - Taehyung laughed as well. And though he looked like he wanted to hurry away to answer the phone, his hands were still on Jungkook's waist. - Go, quickly. - Only after that did Taehyung let go and run to get his phone from his briefcase.

Jungkook turned around in his place still with a grin on his own face and knelt to grab the books he had dropped earlier since they were the last little pile when suddenly he heard...

- Oh, Daphne. Hi. -

Jungkook's grin disappeared as a chill went down his spine.                              

________________________________________________________________________________

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