Secreta et Mendacium

Secrets and Lies

But how will he do it?

Seokjin rarely talks to anybody and, as far as Taehyung had interacted with him, he doesn't look that friendly. Could he do what Jungkook did with Namjoon?

He had to get some answers, and it would also be good to show acceptance to him, maybe Seokjin needs it just like Namjoon had. Ok then, he took a deep breath as he folded the top of the paper bag and then grabbed it tightly with his hand. He had wanted to make this a fast trip, but opportunities like these don't come very often, so, determinately, he walked to the resting area where Seokjin was seated.

His face was hidden behind the paper he was reading, and, as Taehyung got nearer, he saw the headline "Packed courtrooms at The Royal Courts of Justice".

Packed courtrooms? At the RCJ? But that place is huge, and it has about 19 courtrooms, doesn't it? Only civil justice is dispensed at the RCJ, businesses problems, large commercial disputes, and domestic violence just to name a few but no criminal trial ever takes place there. The civilians are having so many problems that they packed the RCJ? What's going on with this country?

He stopped reading when he was close enough to talk to him. But no sooner had he opened his mouth to say hello that Seokjin lifted an index finger while he still held the paper. He hadn't seen him arrive, his face was completely hidden behind it, and yet he knew he was there. Taehyung just closed his mouth again and waited.

After a few seconds, the finger relaxed its stand and Seokjin spoke while he slowly lowered his paper.

- Considering how you stayed put, I'm thinking you either have something important to say or you just really like to greet people like an overexcited cub. - He said in his low, high class, and polished voice looking at Taehyung as though he himself was in some way superior.

- I actually want to talk to you. - Taehyung answered in just as low of a voice but laced with dislike. - To have a "conversation", have you heard of those? - His little joke gained him a sower grin from Seokjin. He neatly and swiftly folded his paper over his crossed legs and Taehyung noticed he was wearing a three-piece suit that somehow looked even more expensive than any of his.

- You better have a good reason to pull me out of my reading. -

Even if they were only two years apart, Taehyung felt like an infant talking to a formidable grandfather. But, trying to seem as though he was at his level, Taehyung walked past and sat down in the armchair beside him, putting the bag on the floor at one side and praying that Jungkook wouldn't wake up until he got back. But now that he had Seokjin's whole attention, he didn't know what to say.

Seeing Seokjin sighing tensely, his dislike mounted again and he opened his mouth,

- Aren't you supposed to be likable? How could you be a psychologist? - Taehyung asked with a frown at the impossibility that anybody would want to open up to this kind of person.

Seokjin almost rolled his eyes and then folded his hands over his lap.

- I'm not supposed to be anything but respectable as I am a Professor and not somebody's comfort dog. For the record, I specialized in Clinical Psychology, not Children Psychology, so if you were expecting me to give you a lolly for your brave attempt at starting a conversation with a man who makes you feel inferior, I'm sorry to tell you that you won't only feel humiliated but also disappointed. - Taehyung was stunned in his seat. - You thought I wouldn't notice? I am a psychologist, Kim. I noticed your stare at me when you got in and witnessed how you debated whether to approach me or not while you were emptying the counter. -

Taehyung came back to his senses then.

- Wow, I can clearly see why you don't have friends. - He said sourly, but surprisingly, he managed to glimpse the tiniest flicker of emotion on Seokjin's face, a flicker of hate. But then his face went vacant again and he was about to stand up.

- Very well then, this conversation's over. -

But Taehyung's next confident words stopped him.

- I can't believe Namjoon would even... But ok then, I think I better ask him, he's way friendlier than you. -

Seokjin didn't even look mildly surprised, but he had leaned back on his chair again and the next time he looked around at Taehyung he was paying more attention.

- Now. Who are you talking about? -

Taehyung was prepared for the denial of it all because he was a Psychologist that specializes in mental illnesses so he could lie like a master if he wanted to. But Taehyung knew the truth.

- Oh, you know, the librarian's assistant? He's the one that puts the books in their place by walking through secret corridors behind the walls. - He said confidently again, and, to his surprise, the corner of Seokjin's mouth lifted slightly.

- And how do you know him? -

Ok... did his voice get colder or was it the room? Taehyung thought as fast as he could and came to the conclusion that if he got this reaction (a confirmation that Seokjin did know Namjoon) then if he just kept on angering him, he would finally crack.

Taehyung deliberately looked away as though he was trying to retain discomfort.

- Well, I go to the library a lot so... he's been helping me out, finding some books here and there. -

Seokjin's menacing half-grin disappeared and he once more looked like nothing bothered him.

- He does sound friendly, doesn't he? Go back to your only friend then. -

- Oh no, he's your only friend... as far as he's told me, of course. - Uncontrollably, he grinned on full display and averted his eyes not before he saw Seokjin's jaw tightening. - I don't know why you're trying to deny being his friend. -

- What are you trying to accomplish here? What is it to you if he's my friend or not? -

Taehyung got serious then, and he leaned slightly closer to him over the arm of his chair.

- Because he told me a story and I want to know if it was you. - Seokjin would've looked as uncaring as ever if Taehyung wasn't paying such close attention to notice that he actually got very tense in his seat. - A story about a Professor that got here two years ago. -

- Three teachers got here two years ago, Kim. - He nearly rolled his eyes again, still tense.

- Yes, but one was a woman, the other was 40 years old and none of them looked like the kind to be in the library as much as you. -

- Where are you going with all of this? - That superior look again with that drooling voice. Taehyung couldn't help but get mad, he wanted to do this like Jungkook had, all friendly and calm, but that's nearly impossible with their location and how this man was. So he just lost it as he let out a tired sigh.

- Wednesday, lunchtime, at the library, you were hiding behind the shelves of the Fantasy section until you heard some heavy books falling and ran for it, didn't you? - His tone was accusatory, low, and angry all at once, he was getting desperate for some answers. But it appeared that Seokjin wouldn't give any.

- What's all this rubbish? - He shook his head and clicked his tongue as he stood up with the newspaper in his hand. - Even if I wanted to waste my time, I wouldn't do it with you. -

Taehyung got up as well and took the paper bag back in his hand, completely angry with this guy and wanting nothing but to stain his suit. So he got a step closer and, with all the malice he could master, he said.

- Fine, I'll just ask him to tell me exactly who it was. Because I know he was there behind the bookshelves with someone else, and I know what they were doing. - His muttering tone of voice was threatening, even if, deep down, he intended to do no actual harm. He just wanted to get a real feeling out of him even if it was anger. And he got it at last.

Seokjin's lips twitched in a fleeting snarl as he tried to keep a straight face. But, next second, just when Taehyung was starting to feel victorious, Seokjin grinned meaningfully and muttered under his breath.

- How's Jungkook? - That wiped any trace of a grin from Taehyung's face as fast as the air left his lungs and all his senses concentrated on the threat right in front of him, his muscles readied themselves to leap, to run, to fight, and his eyes focused on weak points of the threat to tear away with claws and fangs. Just like the wild had taught him. - You see, Namjoon told me a little story as well. And this little story came with a little drawing and a little note. But he told me it was Jungkook whom he helped to find books and that Jungkook had been the one who let the books fall and that Jungkook had been the one to talk to him. So if you're not Jungkook but you know all about this... - He let the phrase float there with a mad victory in his eyes.

- You told me all I needed to know. - Taehyung said through clenched teeth and made an immense effort to walk past him.

- Likewise. -

Taehyung stopped for a second, wanting to attack this man, but then took a deep breath and walked on with the bag in his hand. No other teacher had paid them any attention and he was grateful but also didn't really care at the moment with how angry he was. He just wanted to be in Jungkook's arms again and be delicate with each other, lovely and romantic just like he loved being. A helpless fourteenth-century lover and not a tense and angry teacher living in a cold world.

He got inside the elevator and the last thing he saw before the door closed was Seokjin in the launch's door, looking right at him. Taehyung couldn't believe that someone could be so unpleasant and yet be in a relationship with someone Jungkook considers his friend, how, just how did that happen? Next time they go to the library, he'll personally talk to Namjoon because he really wanted to know the secret of his success. How did he get to warm up that cold old man that thinks so highly of himself? Or even better, how did Namjoon fall for a man like that?

Finally, he got to his floor and went straight to open it, expecting to see Jungkook still sleeping on his bed... and not at all ready to see him seating on the couch, comfortably dressed again, looking out the window with a steamy cup of coffee in his hands and another one in front of him in the coffee table. Taehyung rapidly closed the door again, and when he threw the keys on the kitchen counter beside Jungkook's backpack, Jungkook looked around at him rapidly. The second their eyes connected while Taehyung walked towards him, he smiled. And Taehyung could feel the air in his lungs purifying all his energy once more as he smiled back.

- Hello, my Love. - Taehyung said softly as he left the paper bag on the coffee table beside the other cup and sat down by Jungkook.

- Hi. - Jungkook's voice sounded happy, but still very tired, as well as his soft smile and his sparkly eyes. He was still tired.

Jungkook leaned forward and left his cup on the table.

- How are you? - If he was so tired, why didn't he stay in bed? Taehyung looked at him feeling slightly anxious.

But Jungkook didn't answer right away. He leaned back on the couch slowly and went straight to Taehyung's chest, curling up to his side, nuzzling the tip of his nose to Taehyung's neck as his hands rested comfortably over his chest and his folded legs tilted slightly over his thigh. And when Taehyung hugged him back tightly, his heart filling with endearment, Jungkook sighed deeply.

- Better. - He murmured. Taehyung was about to ask him something when someone knocked on the door. They both groaned. - This is the day, isn't it? Who is it now? - Jungkook murmured angrily into his neck, bawling his hands into fists, and Taehyung, also displeased but wanting nothing but to make him feel better, kissed him on the crown of the head, and, as he leaned back from his hold, kissed softly down his forehead to the tip of his nose and finally his lips where he kissed gently as he slipped out of the couch and out of his grasp.

He gave him one last kiss and straightened up as Jungkook lay belly down with his head hidden from the door by the arm of the couch. Taehyung turned around with a grin that disappeared the closer he got to the door, so, when he got to open it, he was the tense and serious-looking teacher again.

- What the... - Taehyung nearly cursed when he saw who it was. - What are you doing here? I thought our conversation was over. -

- And I thought you wanted a real conversation in the first place, so where to have a better conversation than away from prying eyes, don't you think? - Seokjin's voice was as polished as his black leather shoes and it really maddened Taehyung. He just didn't like this man, that's it, and, judging by the way Seokjin was looking at him with superiority, he could tell he didn't like him either. But then Seokjin's eyes caught something over his shoulder and those cold eyes of his went from dislike to surprise. And Taehyung knew what he saw without having to turn around.

- Get in. -

Seokjin looked like he didn't appreciate the command but entered all the same, and Taehyung closed the door behind him, noticing how he looked around.

- A whole week and you haven't organized anything? What a cub. -

Taehyung sighed and then watched how Jungkook was peeking over the arm of the couch. He had lifted his head just enough to look at them but otherwise didn't look like he wanted to sit up.

- I don't know what you have against dogs but knock it off. - Taehyung turned around and stood possessively in front of Seokjin to block his way. - What do you want? -

- You were the one who approached me first, Kim. - He said it like it was obvious, and it was, but as Taehyung said, they finished that conversation downstairs, and Seokjin made the extra effort to follow him to his apartment so it should be him the one with a reason to come up here this time. However, Taehyung really didn't want to keep talking to him.

- We have already said we had the answers we needed. -

- Aha. Is that Jungkook? - He nodded once towards the couch and Taehyung's blood boiled.

- My goodness. You're such a pain in the arse. - To his annoyance, Seokjin actually grinned.

- So I've been told. - Taehyung didn't want to talk to him anymore, he wanted him to leave, but before he could say anything, he spoke again. - You're wasting my time, Kim. -

Taehyung saw red.

- You came here. -

- You approached me. -

- You came up to my apartment when we had already finished a conversation so, in fact, you're the one who approached me this time meaning that you're the one wasting my time, you pompous son of a bitch. - Right then, he heard the tiniest stifled little giggle coming from the couch, and it nearly made him grin if it hadn't been because Seokjin had lifted his chin to look at Jungkook over his shoulder and he didn't like that at all. - Don't look at him and tell me why you're here. - But he didn't stop looking over his shoulder at Jungkook. In fact, he started talking to him.

- Jungkook, I think you should put a muzzle on your dog. - As he said it he pointedly turned his head back to Taehyung. And Taehyung... had to breathe, otherwise, he would kick this guy right in the shin. - You're terrible at making conversation. -

- Yes, I am! - He said, frustrated, angry, and hating just how badly he wanted to injure this man. Taehyung took in a deep breath while Seokjin stifled a chuckle, and then he turned around and walked straight towards Jungkook on the couch. As Jungkook watched him approach, he sat up on the far end and hugged his legs to his chest. Just like he was when his father came in this morning. Taehyung sat down beside him, making sure Seokjin hadn't followed him and whispered to Jungkook.

- Could you talk to him? I hate this guy. -

Jungkook frowned at him in confusion and then looked behind him towards Seokjin before answering.

- Isn't he Kim Seokjin, the Psychology Professor? - Taehyung nodded, remembering how Jungkook almost couldn't take his eyes off him the first time he saw him and hated Seokjin even more for it. - What do you want me to tell him? - Jungkook looked unsure at him. And then Taehyung finally realized that Jungkook didn't know what he did, about the connection he made regarding Namjoon's partner of a year.

- He's the youngest Professor after me and he got here two years ago. - Taehyung waited for the message to click, and when it did, Jungkook's eyes widened.

- My time, Kim! - Seokjin said strongly somewhere behind him, angrily reminding him that his own time was far more precious than anything else.

- Shut the fuck up, will you? - Taehyung barked over his shoulder in response, making Jungkook almost chuckle.

- I see you're having difficulty befriending him? - Jungkook whispered jokingly to him, making him grin.

- When something's difficult, it's still doable, but this is just impossible. - He shook his head.

- Nothing's impossible if you pay enough attention. - Jungkook muttered confidently and then swiftly stood up, stunning Taehyung into silence as he watched him walk barefoot towards Seokjin who was taller by half a head just like Taehyung himself. And it was just when Jungkook stopped in front of him that Taehyung went to them to stand by their side.

- He asked you to talk to me? - Seokjin asked with half a grin, looking down at Jungkook with one eyebrow raised.

- He didn't need to for me to want to talk to you, Sir. - Jungkook... spoke just as polished as Seokjin, with a little confident smile and chin held high.

Taehyung's features hardened. Not knowing what exactly was going on but deciding to act as though it was all part of the plan, he went back to the couch and sat in the corner nearest to them, noticing as he did so that Seokjin looked amusedly at Jungkook.

- Well then, what is it that you want to talk about? -

Taehyung felt like punching something. Seokjin was talking slightly softer now.

- Thank you, but first I would like to make sure of how much time I have to talk with you, Sir. - At this, Seokjin actually grinned down at Jungkook, looking satisfied.

Taehyung's fists tightened. And then Seokjin pulled out from the pocket of his suit vest an old-fashioned, golden, pocket watch.

- It is currently 1:15, so I'll give you fifteen minutes. - The more Taehyung heard and watched, the more he disliked this whole ordeal.

- Thank you, Sir. - A proper English young man, that's what Jungkook was right now. For Taehyung it was as unnerving as it was awe-striking how professional Jungkook was in the art of putting masks on and off, of every sort, for every event, in any circumstance. A marvelous chameleon. - I'll be as blunt as I'm allowed if you don't mind. Are you perhaps friends with a guy named Namjoon? - Seokjin didn't look as affronted as he was with Taehyung.

- Yes. - Taehyung rolled his eyes and took a deep breath. Oh sure, he could talk softly and stare calmly at people when they "respected him", couldn't he? - And if I'm not mistaken, you're the one who gifted him a drawing on his birthday two days ago. -

- Yes, Sir, that was me. - Jungkook answered with an audible smile that calmed Taehyung down.

- Then let's drop all pretend, shall we? I know why you gave him that drawing and what you both talked about so I'm aware that our current positions are quite similar, do you agree? -

Taehyung tensed in his seat.

- Yes Sir, I agree. That's the other reason why I wanted to talk with you, but I can see, now I've gotten to know you, Sir, that my assessment of your situation was far from correct. You do not seem the type to want nor need comforting, am I correct in assuming that, Sir? -

- Completely. Good to see at least one of you pay close attention. That could save your lives. - Seokjin finished and went back to being as cold as ever.

- We agree with that, Sir. - And Jungkook's voice also got more serious in the end.

When they were finished, Seokjin pulled out his pocket watch again.

- Less than ten minutes. - He pocketed it again. - Farewell then. Jungkook. - He bowed his head a little to him and then turned slightly in Taehyung's direction, but he didn't bow his head, he just made a somewhat disgusted face and turned around, walking to the door.

Taehyung's mouth opened, offended, and stood up with all the intention of making him regret that.

- Don't bother. - But Seokjin beat him to it with his hand raised as he kept walking to the door.

Taehyung– stopped everything he was doing when Jungkook turned around and looked at him with eyes that said plainly "Don't waste your energy, my Love." So he just breathed and focused on Jungkook's eyes alone. But, a moment into this, he realized, that he hadn't heard the door opening and closing.

He looked up and saw Seokjin was looking at them intently with his hand on the doorknob.

- What? - Taehyung barked, pissed but way calmer after Jungkook's... no idea what it was, but it worked.

Seokjin addressed Jungkook's back instead of him.

- Jungkook, you better teach him how to shapeshift like you or the heart on his sleeve will cause you both trouble. - Taehyung frowned, not entirely sure he understood that, and looked back down at Jungkook who had tilted his head as he looked at him with some apprehension.

- Roger that. - Jungkook answered. After hearing that, Seokjin left, closing the door behind him.

Immediately, when the door clicked shut, Jungkook's shoulders dropped and his eyes closed in pain as he tripped his way into Taehyung's arms. Taehyung grabbed him in an instant and held him tightly to his chest with his arms around him, alarmed at how Jungkook had been able to hide his physical discomfort all the time he had been standing, and also, why does he look in pain?

- Angel? - Taehyung asked with his heart in his throat as he felt Jungkook's fists grabbing his suit jacket tightly.

- Food. - That's all he said, and all that needed to be said.

Taehyung grabbed him by the waist and lifted him to turn around and place him on the couch. Jungkook leaned into the coffee table, grabbed one of the cups -that wasn't steaming anymore-, and drank half of it while Taehyung pulled out the plates of pasta from the bag as well as their bottles of water and pulled off their lids. He had to go fast to the kitchen for their forks since he forgot to take any from downstairs, and by the time he came back, he noticed that Jungkook was chewing.

He chuckled with endearment, also feeling terrible at the prospect that he had been wasting his time downstairs with Seokjin when Jungkook was hungry.

He gave him his fork and watched how his hungry boy had to stop himself from devouring everything in an instant. Jungkook's hand was trembling slightly as he neared the fork to his plate and grabbed one ravioli to then calmly put in his mouth to chew at a slow pace, and only when he was done with that one did he neared his fork again to his plate.

Taehyung was just eating and watching silently. He's deliberately stopping himself from eating fast.

Taehyung swallowed and frowned down at his plate supported by his hand.

- There's another plate of food in the bag if you're still hungry. - Maybe he was eating slowly because he feared there was no more food in the apartment. Taehyung looked up and watched how Jungkook just shook his head with his eyes glued to his plate, still restraining himself. Taehyung sighed. - Why are you making yourself eat so slowly? -

Jungkook looked up and swallowed to answer.

- If I eat it fast, it'll finish faster. - Taehyung was about to remind him that there was more food, but Jungkook shook his head. - And if I finish it fast, I'll feel like I still need to eat again which would make me eat more than necessary and that could make me get sick. So if I eat slowly, making sure to watch how the plate empties, once I finish, I will feel like I've eaten enough since the frenzy of hunger has died down with my slow pace. You see? -

Taehyung nodded, finally understanding that Jungkook was not somehow punishing himself but taking care of himself. Jungkook grinned in return and went back to watch his plate while he ate one ravioli at a time, but then Taehyung had another question, and then another one, and his brain needed answers that he really couldn't ask Jungkook right now since he was eating, but the frown in his face was making his forehead ache and he couldn't concentrate on his own food and he had to ask, he just had to.

- ...That... Seokjin... - What a lame way to start the conversation, his brain hadn't come up with a solid question when he opened his mouth and now Jungkook was looking at him expectantly when he didn't even know what to say. - Umm... - He averted his eyes to see if the question he was looking for was somewhere on the opposite wall.

- That Seokjin, - Jungkook started, mercifully realizing that Taehyung's brain had blended all his thoughts together. Taehyung looked at him while Jungkook thought for a second before starting. - He's a snob. - Jungkook said simply with a shrug that did not entirely mean carelessness, just fact.

Taehyung nodded slowly, he had heard the term before in many different ways throughout his years in the higher class but had yet to understand its entire meaning. Since it has been said as both a joke and an insult, he hasn't been able to comprehend it very much.

- Could you tell me what a snob is? I've never really understood the meaning. -

Jungkook nodded calmly.

- "Snob" is a slur for a person who believes someone's worth is determined by their social status. Meaning that they feel superior over those from lower social classes, education levels, or other social areas. - When Jungkook finished, he pursed his lips in disgust, and Taehyung could understand why, he could understand a lot more things now. A snob indeed. - I thought he would be by hearing you both talk. Everything from his voice to his suit. I also noticed the chain of a golden pocket watch, if that doesn't scream old money, I don't know what will. Also, the way he kept reminding you about his own time, that you were the one who approached him because it's always everyone else's fault if they waste time or even if they get angry. - He frowned and averted his eyes, fuming about a memory it seemed. - The only way to get what you want out of a snob is by putting them on the pedestal they think they deserve. -

So standing straight and polite, calling him Sir, and "respecting" his time, was a way of putting him on the pedestal he thinks he deserves.

From the corner of his eyes, he saw how Jungkook brought the fork to his mouth again while he himself grimaced.

- You're completely right. You know... - Jungkook looked up at him as he ate. - Today has been quite my day of revelations. For example, here's another one: Her parents are Snobs. - He knew that Jungkook would understand he meant Daphne's parents. Jungkook looked down as he nodded.

- My parents too. - He finished his portion of ravioli and looked back up. - And Leo's parents as well. A lot of people are like that in this country, Tae. You're either a Snob or the floor they walk on. And if it's only those two options, I would prefer to be the latter, that way they don't pay attention to me since I'm no threat. You saw how I practically kissed his shoes back there, I'm a master at it. - He shrugged just like before, not carelessness, just an undeniable fact.

A fact that had Taehyung frowning with hate as he saw Jungkook continuing with his salad.

He had been ignorant for ten years, ignorant of the world he had to live in, ignorant about the jokes he had been laughing about with other pompous men at smart dinner parties, ignorant about just how cruel a world he was living in, ignorant about just what kind of world his kids were growing up in. Ignorant. Blatant, cultivated, ignorance.

Taehyung sighed and continued with his own salad. He felt so powerless. Realizing that there was no use in getting angry about it was worse than being tied up. But then he looked back up when he heard Jungkook speak.

- That's what Seokjin meant before he left. - Taehyung frowned, confused. - About me teaching you how to "shapeshift". He knew what I was doing, he knew I was acting exactly how he wanted me to act just so I could talk to him, he knew I had no real wish to talk to somebody like that. The fact that he said "shapeshift" meant that I completely and entirely could've fooled him into believing my act if he hadn't seen me curl up in a ball on the couch. -

- So he told you to teach me how to lie like that because I'm terrible at it. - Taehyung nodded and looked back down at his plate, but Jungkook asked him gently,

- What happened downstairs? For how long did you two talk? - After asking, he went ahead and brought his fork to his mouth, waiting for Taehyung to tell him.

So, Taehyung took a deep breath.

- We didn't talk that long and I hated every second of it. - He sighed and left his unfinished salad on the coffee table for then to grab his water bottle. - I wanted to know if he was the one Namjoon talked about. -

- And how did you approach him with that? - He asked before bringing his fork to his mouth again.

- I... - Taehyung remembered how it was that he had started the conversation, and it hadn't been good. - I might've... confronted him instead of--... I mean, I tried to start a normal conversation that could maybe lead to the other conversation I had in mind, but he was just so unpleasant that I might've lost it a little and... well, yeah, I confronted him kind of aggressively, maybe threatened him a little with going to Namjoon, lied about knowing Namjoon as a little more than a friend just to make him mad and perhaps get something out, but he just looked like he wanted to kill me so... Yeah... -

Slowly... Jungkook left his empty plate on the coffee table and grabbed his water bottle. Taehyung just waited with his hands tightly around his own bottle. Jungkook leaned back on the couch, opened his bottle, took a tense gulp while he frowned slightly, thinking, and then he closed it and brought his knees to his chest as he turned around in his seat to face Taehyung.

- ...Threatened him? -

Taehyung took a deep breath and also turned a little in his seat.

- Well, it wasn't like a threat threat, it was just like... - He averted his eyes, trying to see what it was that he did... - Well, I said something along the lines of "I know what happened behind the bookshelves" But that's not a threat, is it? -

- Oh. - He closed his eyes and shook his head. Then, while Taehyung felt like punching himself, he ran a hand through his hair. - What else did you say? You said something about... pretending you and Namjoon...what? -

- I mean–... I didn't–... It was just so I could get a real reaction out of him, I... - Jungkook gave a humorless chuckle and opened his eyes to look past Taehyung.

- Getting someone angry to get a real reaction out of them is never the best option. Making them angry? Making them sad? Making them cry out loud a truth that could've bloomed all by itself without any pain? That's not very friendly, nor kind. There's enough violence in the world and in our lives, let's not stain this as well. -

Taehyung took a deep breath. Jungkook's words struck him like a pure cold wind from the mountains. He looked down at his hands grabbing the water bottle and frowned.

He's not violent, he doesn't like violence of any sort, why would he react that way? Because Seokjin was unpleasant to talk to? That sounded like something an immature child would say or a Snob, and he was neither, he was a grown-up man, father of two, University Professor–... He was repeating himself... He was repeating over and over the reasons why he should be the person he's not. He had a wonderful youth, but that's all he had, he got stuck in the age he left his parents prematurely. Even if he had been 18 he was still nothing but a child that knew nothing of this cold world he was later thrown into.

- Don't give yourself a hard time. - Jungkook echoed the same words he himself had once told him, very gently. He looked up, not really knowing what his own face looked like but realizing it should be a mess of emotions judging by how Jungkook's breath got cut up in his throat. - What is troubling you? Something Seokjin said? Something you said to him? Something else? Tell me. - He moved a little bit closer until the tips of his toes were brushing against Taehyung's thigh and he left his water bottle beside him to place his hands over his own knees, paying close attention to him.

- It's... - Taehyung's frown deepened as his breath got caught up in his throat. Did he dare say it to him?

Could he have the strength to do it? To admit out loud what he just realized, about how he was nothing but a child who couldn't comprehend the world he lived in, a child that did everything he was told without a mind of his own, a child that misses his family, a child that even if he's a parent he's never been able to truly act like one nor have ever felt like one. A child, nothing but a child who's been forced to grow up.

- Tae... - Jungkook's slightly agonizing tone made him look up at him again, only to realize his sight was blurry.

He had started crying without realizing it. In alarm he stood up, dropping his water bottle as his hands flew to his face to rapidly wipe his confused tears. Head low, back tensed, teeth clenched as he heard Jungkook standing up and felt him grabbing his shoulder, but he felt bared to the bone and it was so wrong to feel that way when he should be strong and brave for Jungkook. But he wasn't.

- Tae! -

Taehyung ran to the bathroom. He just needed a moment to calm down, a second to get himself together, and he couldn't do it when he wanted to throw himself into Jungkook's arms.

He locked the door behind him and stood there in the middle of the bathroom trying to breathe calmly without wanting to sob. He could just pray that Jungkook didn't get hurt, but he was hopeless. Did he really just run from his lover because he felt vulnerable? Did he really just run away from the only person that knew him and loved him the most in this god-forsaken world? Did he really, wholeheartedly, believe that crying in front of him was something to be ashamed of?

Did he really? When Jungkook himself had opened up to him in every way?

He lowered his hands from his face and looked at himself in the mirror. A man in a tailored suit, a child crying in distress. He got nearer to the sink and splashed his face with water. He took a towel and dried his face, and when he lowered it he looked at himself closely, at how the corners of his mouth and his eyes pulled downwards when they didn't use to be, at how his face was paler when it used to be a healthy bronzier color that shined in the sun. He looked at how his face appeared mature, his features had hardened, baby fat eliminated to be replaced by a hard face... who didn't look like him.

That sad, angry, tensed, and serious man that looked back at him from the mirror was begging for him to end it all one way or another. That man was begging him to run away with Jungkook and his kids to somewhere far away from all this nonsense of life. That man was begging, supplicating, as a tear rolled down his cheek, for him to please let him be happy. Please, ten years was long enough. Please...

He punched down hard with his fist into the white granite sink and, with the most painful expression he had ever seen on his own face, walked away from the mirror to open the door harshly.

Jungkook was there, anxiously standing in front of his bed, steps away from the door Taehyung was leaving behind, and he opened his arms with clear tear tracks on his own face to hold Taehyung without questions asked.

Taehyung broke down completely as a sob tore away from his chest while he hugged Jungkook, and let himself be held, hiding his face in his neck and feeling how he held him tightly and securely around his back.

"And you?"

He got completely stripped down, every tear represented every single little thing he had to live through in his whole life, all the good times he could never go back to, all the bad times he had to relive daily. All his misery.

He cried it all. And for the first time, he was held through it. He didn't feel the need to cover his pain with a brave face as he knew he could cry; he could be held. He wasn't reminded by a harsh voice how he should be acting like a man. He could be as vulnerable as he needed and he could be consoled through it. He didn't need to be someone he was not, he could be himself, he could cry, and laugh, and smile and play and hold and touch and kiss and love, however he wanted, however he needed. With Jungkook.

After some time, when he could breathe properly and no matter how much he screwed up his face no more tears could come out, he felt Jungkook rocking them slowly, from side to side, like he himself usually likes to do. He smiled softly into Jungkook's neck, letting himself be moved. Jungkook was turning them with every little step, calming him, soothing him, and his hand went up to the back of his head to brush his hair gently. And Taehyung has never been more in love than right now, as those hands kept holding him even after the storm, and he didn't feel any less of a man as those arms held him close.

- Sit, Love. - Jungkook told him softly into his ear and then left a kiss on his neck.

Taehyung realized they had been turning so the back of his knees were in contact with the bed. So he slowly sat down without letting go of Jungkook, and the latter managed to sit down on his lap at the same time.

Taehyung sighed heavily as he felt Jungkook unfolding his arms from around him to hold his face and gently pull him out of his neck.

He felt tired and he knew his face was red, but he didn't care about any of that when he saw Jungkook's face. There were dried tears on his face that glistened with the gray light from the windows. He neared his own hands to Jungkook's face and carefully wiped them away with his thumbs, and saw a soft smile widening in Jungkook's lips right when he felt him drying his own face just as gently. And Taehyung smiled softly too,

For, not only did he have someone that let him dry their tears, but that same person also wanted to dry his tears.

Taehyung lowered his hands and held Jungkook's waist as the latter left his own hands on his face, and he sighed.

- Do you want to talk about it? - Jungkook asked him, carefully. And Taehyung took a deep breath.

- No. - He chuckled tiredly. - I don't want to talk about a lot of things. I don't want to talk about all the good memories I have because it would just make me sad that I can't go back to those days, I don't want to talk about all the awful ones because they're my life now and the reminder just makes everything worse, I don't want to talk about my family because that would just break my heart, I don't even want to talk about my kids anymore because now I know that I can't protect them from this awful, cruel, and cold world, I don't want to talk about Daphne. But then, what would you be left with if I don't talk about all these things? - He sighed. - I wanted to be better now that I've got you, I wanted to be stronger, braver, be my cheerful self again, be a man deserving of you. -

- But I can't. I can't just ignore all these past ten years of my life and pretend that I didn't turn into a man I barely know. I am myself with you, I feel... so liberated when I'm with you, just like I used to be, just like I used to feel, and I feel whole and perfect. - His little smile faltered. - And I never thought that would be something bad until I found myself without you. Yesterday, when it was time for you to leave, I felt... terrible, like someone was physically ripping me apart. Because I've been so happy with you, so free with you, so... myself with you, that the remainder of you leaving even if it was only one night was terrible to bear. Because, for me, it wasn't only one night, it was the reminder that this was a secret; it was the remainder of the life I have that I do not share with you. It was a reminder of my misery. -

- It feels terrible when I talk about myself so much, it makes me feel selfish. And yet I've done a lot of selfish things. Not telling you any of this would've been really selfish. Running away like that... - He averted his eyes. - That was really selfish of me when you've let me hold you. - He felt Jungkook getting tighter to him and he half-smiled. - What I want you to understand out of all of this is that I do have the intention of giving all of myself to you, I just want you to know that... ten years is a long time, and the majority of it was not great, so that's why it will be difficult for me to talk about, because I wanted... I wanted to... to tell you stories that would make you smile and laugh, not ones where you would have to hold me through. But that is the reality of... me. Even if I'm the happiest I could ever be with you, my life is not that happy. -

He waited a moment once he finished and then felt Jungkook nearing him to place a soft kiss on his cheek. Taehyung straightened up his head and looked him in the eyes. His eyes were full of adoration. Taehyung's heartbeat raised as he looked at him, and the corners of his lips tugged upwards uncontrollably.

He loved Jungkook so much.

- I keep secrets even to myself. - Jungkook told him in a low voice. - I've lied to myself until I believe them to the point where I can't even remember which ones are true or not. It's not only that I don't want to talk about some things, I physically can't get myself to think about them and I don't even know what it is that my brain won't let me remember. But I promise that just like you I'll give all of myself to you, all of my tears and my laughter as well as my horrors and dreams. I don't know how I'll do it, but I will. -

Taehyung could've started crying again if he wasn't drained already. Jungkook was so brave it made his heart ache.

- Tae. - Jungkook said with a lovely smile. - Let me hold you. - Taehyung's breathing stuttered. - Let us protect each other, and be there for each other. Alright? - One hand let go of his cheek to go down to his chest, over his heart. - You're too precious to me. Don't shut me out again, please. - His breathing stopped in his throat and his lip wobbled as his eyes filled with tears.

- My Love. - Taehyung brought him tight to his chest and hugged him as Jungkook's arms went tight around him and hid his face in his neck. It had hurt him really much when he ran away like that. Taehyung rubbed his hand up and down Jungkook's back as his face was screwed up in a frown for what he'd done to him. - Shhh... My Love... My Angel... - He whispered sweet things to him and felt how Jungkook was making a great effort to stop crying. - I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, I will never do that again. My Love, forgive me, please forgive me. - He rocked them slowly. Very slowly and gently, a hand went up to the back of Jungkook's head and the other held him tight around the waist until he felt Jungkook straightening up. Immediately, Taehyung held his face and wiped his tears.

Jungkook was smiling now, calmer, looking like he felt better, and Taehyung leaned in and kissed his cheek tenderly.

- I forgive you. - He whispered as Taehyung leaned back. And then sighed. - How do you feel now? -

Taehyung smiled softly and held him around the waist just like he loved to do.

- Way better, if you feel better. - Jungkook smiled and nodded, averting his eyes as his cheeks turned a lovely rosy color. He was so pale like a gardenia, but his little scars were even whiter; except for his cut lip. It looked way better than the first day, a fading greenish color just days away from disappearing forever. But watching that scar made him remember something. - You said... Tom told you he likes you? - He said, unsure.

Jungkook got a little startled at the sudden change of subject and looked back at him with his mouth slightly opened in surprise.

- Ummm, yeah, he–... - But he suddenly stopped and looked like he just remembered something. - Today's Friday? - Taehyung looked confused as he nodded. - Don't you have a meeting at two o'clock? - They stayed frozen for a second.

Jungkook swung himself out of Taehyung's lap as the latter stood up and walked fast to the kitchen so he could see the clock.

- Shit. Is already two. -

Rapidly he walked to the bathroom again to splash water on his face, comb his hair a little and straighten his suit some more. Then, he walked out to his desk where he had left his briefcase, and checked everything inside. Wristwatch, cellphone, notebook with a ballpoint pen, the keys were on the kitchen counter, and he knows "that thing" is still in one of the little pockets because he hadn't opened it since he left his house. Perfect.

He turned around with his briefcase in hand and noticed how Jungkook was still seated on the edge of the bed, looking at him with an amused sort of look. Taehyung chuckled and walked towards him, but then grimaced.

- I... don't know when I'll be back. -

Jungkook nodded calmly.

- I know. -

Taehyung hesitated as he looked down at Jungkook.

- You can... leave if you want. I wouldn't like you to stay all alone in here if it makes you uncomfortable. -

Jungkook stood up with a little smile and wrapped his arms around his neck.

- I'll stay here if you don't mind. - Taehyung smiled, genuinely delighted at the thought of finding him here when he got back and held his waist with just one arm since the other was holding his briefcase.

- You can do whatever you want, my Love. -

Jungkook giggled.

- Noted. Now go, you're already late and he doesn't like tardiness. - His father, of course.

Taehyung sighed.

- Some tips before I go? Mr. Kim is a little bit faulty right now. - He tilted his head a little down to connect their foreheads, and Jungkook sighed too before leaning back and looking at him straight in the eyes.

- Remember that you're lying for a purpose. That should make your acting better. - And then he smiled reassuringly. And Taehyung did feel better with that, he was indeed lying for a very important purpose. He leaned down once more and closed his eyes just when he felt the blissful touch of Jungkook's lips on his own. They moved slowly and gently... sweetly in every way... until Jungkook leaned back. - Goodbye, Professor. - He whispered with a grin, and Taehyung chuckled in disbelief.

- Oh God, don't say it like that. That's sinful, that is. -

Jungkook laughed and Taehyung leaned back altogether, slowly getting away from him as he walked backward and lost every contact he had with his body.

- Go. - Jungkook rushed him with a smile, but Taehyung couldn't leave, not when Jungkook's smile looked so lovely. Still, he knew he had to, so he kept walking slowly away from him and watched him all he could with his own smile on his face. - Go. I'll be here when you get back. - Jungkook's promise made Taehyung's heart beat hard in his chest as he inhaled deeply, and with a final nod, he took his keys from the kitchen counter and turned around to open the door.

He left, only caring about who waited for him when he got back; only thinking about how he could go back to Jungkook's arms the moment he stepped out of this cold outside world. He will go out there and lie like he's never lied before, with a smile on his face even, because he knew why he was lying, and that was all that mattered. 

________________________________________________________________________________

🌼Thank you for reading Chapter 33 <3

You can support my writing by giving me a tip in BuyMeACoffee☕Go to my Instagram and click on the highlight story called Coffee. I'm grateful for everything you can give me💜

Instagram: shadowela

Or go to my (Wattpad) profile bio, the link is there under Give me a coffee, fuel my write☕💜

Your devoted writer,

Ela Shadow Rose 🥀

Go ahead with the next Chapter ->->->