Praeteritum et Futurum

Past and Future

His hands on the floor on either side of him, legs tight to his chest, eyes looking unseeingly in front of him, at a little black and blue child on the floor a couple of paces away from him, asking for the help that he never got.

- Jungkook? - Taehyung sounded highly worried now, as he tried to get nearer.

Punishment. Jungkook's body went cold and he stood up, tensed all over and feeling in distress, knowing that he wanted Taehyung's safety and despising how his immediate physical response when in distress was to run away to be alone. He turned to the bookshelf in front of where they had been sitting and took a hold of one of the shelves to keep him there and to stabilize him as he breathed.

- Jungkook... - Taehyung didn't know what to do, that's understandable, Jungkook's body was showing signs of wanting to be alone and he couldn't read his mind.

Taking all the calm he had, Jungkook turned around to face him, leaning back on the bookshelf. Taehyung looked concerned and his body showed signs of wanting to protect him. Seeing that, made Jungkook go to him and hide his face in his neck as he felt his arms go tight around him.

- ...You know him? -

- No. - His voice came out harsher than he intended. He shuddered. - Sorry it's just... - He shook his head and leaned back to look at him, but he couldn't look him in the eyes, instead, he frowned down at his own hands on his shoulders. - I don't know him... - The memories from last night's conversation about him came back in stabs and it hurt, everything hurt, every single thought he had regarding that man, it all hurt and he hated it, he didn't want it, he didn't want to think. He shook his head, trying to rid himself of any thought, but when it couldn't happen, his frown deepened. - I don't know him, I don't know him, I don't... - He couldn't stop, his brain couldn't stop, everything his father had said about him, every smile his parents exchanged when talking about him, everything he's seen, heard, lived. - No... - He placed his forehead on Taehyung's neck, wanting to hide away from those thoughts.

- ...What did he do? -

Panic. Jungkook felt his chest getting tight as he remembered flashes of memories, flashes he didn't want to remember. Everything he heard his parents tell about him, every phone call he heard between him and his father, and then last night's news. Last night's news with his father's smile. That kid on the floor, while his father laughed holding a cup of champagne with his best friend by his side. And then himself behind a closed door.

No, no, it was too much, it was too painful, he didn't want to, he didn't want it. Jungkook shook his head trying to rid himself of it.

- Nothing, nothing, no--... - Suddenly, Jungkook couldn't breathe. He broke away from the hug and his back hit the shelf as he tried to breathe in again.

Taehyung saw this and hurriedly got closer to him.

- It's not real, Jungkook. You can breathe, come on, breathe, you can do it. - He said that low and concerned, but with so much confidence that Jungkook believed him, and tentatively he tried to breathe in... Slowly, his throat started to open again, letting the air through a little at a time. - Good, that's very good, Kooky. - He praised him soothingly, caressing his arms up and down at each side of him.

After some time, Jungkook was able to breathe normally again. He had unshed tears in his eyes and still a lot of pain in his chest, but he felt better knowing that it could've been way worse if Taehyung hadn't been here with him.

He looked up at Taehyung with blurry thankful eyes and, with shaky legs, neared him until he was in his safe and tight embrace again. It had all come so suddenly. Before, the mention of that Professor's name had been either that a malice was about to happen or just a plain boring conversation to hear. But now, it not only made him feel like impending danger was near, but it also made him feel guilty for all the things he didn't do. And it made him feel unsure of his own upbringing up to less than five days ago.

Because those flashes of memories were painful and completely unbelievable. He couldn't remember any of that happening so why would he believe that they had?

His fists over Taehyung's chest slowly loosened so he could feel his heartbeat on the palms of his hands, and he neared even more to his neck, hiding away from the empty cold that was the unknown, the uncertainty of his past. And he felt Taehyung's arms tightened, one around his waist and the other up to the back of his head, keeping him near and soothing him.

- You're fine, I'm here. You're safe with me. - His low voice, a lullaby, soothing away his fear with tender and honest words. Jungkook breathed in deeply, and then exhaled, trying to calm his shoulders down even if just a little bit. - That's right, my love. Don't you fear, for I'm here for you. -

Jungkook's heart went tight, but not in a strangled painful way, it was just too much love. He leaned away from Taehyung's neck so he could look him in the eyes and as he straightened his head he felt a loose tear fall from his eye. But Taehyung was the one who caught it and swiped it away. - How are you? - Worry was all there was in his eyes.

- I'm... fine... - He couldn't lie to Taehyung in the slightest, the fear and uncertainty in his face gave it completely away that he was anything but fine. Taehyung tilted his head, pleading for him to tell him the truth as he caressed his face. Jungkook took a deep breath and looked back to the side, to the floor, to the imaginary unmoving child, and then back at Taehyung, swallowing away the lump in his throat along with any cold tears that might fall from his scared eyes. - I... don't like him. - That whisper was an understatement, and Taehyung's eyes hardened as he was mentioned.

- What did he do to you? -

Jungkook shuddered as an image of himself on the floor came to him; on the cold floor, frozen on the cold lonely floor, and his father... laughing with his friend, a cup of champagne in his hand being filled by that other man. But this was not a memory, it couldn't be.

Taehyung's stands got protective and his eyes hardened as he saw Jungkook shuddering at the mention of that man doing something unknown to him. Jungkook opened his mouth to answer. But he didn't know what to say. He knew nothing. He couldn't say that he had done nothing to him because what if he had, what if he had talked to his father and persuaded him of something, what if... what if... what if... He knew nothing. And he couldn't say... He couldn't even make himself remember, the pain of it would kill him. But pain for what? He was terrified of that man but why exactly?

- We crossed paths last night. - That was all he knew for sure, and all he could say for now.

Taehyung's hand on his face went still as he held him.

- What did he do, Jungkook? - Worry, fear and anger were oozing from Taehyung's protective hold on Jungkook. And Jungkook felt the protection, he felt utterly safe in his hold, utterly safe in the way he got worried over him, utterly safe in the way Taehyung grew angrier every time he saw Jungkook shudder. But his intention was not to get him in this state, he wanted to tell him, he just didn't know how to, because he barely knew anything anymore. With so many lies for so long, he was unsure of what was real. Jungkook brought a hand up to Taehyung's on his cheek.

- He just... He just scared me, that's all. - Again the uncertainty, the unsteady whisper, even if it was the truth, even if that man had done virtually nothing to him the night before, seeing him... again... had shattered something in Jungkook and it was too noticeable on his face. Taehyung pleaded with his eyes, he was too worried for him, too worried about what happened to him inside and out. He couldn't tell him half-truths and he couldn't lie to him. Jungkook took a deep breath and then tried again. But his mouth got frozen as he remembered... - I fucked up. - Fear, again, that freezing fear chilled him as his hand fell from Taehyung's and went back to his chest. Taehyung was about to talk but Jungkook needed to explain quickly.

- It's my character. My father thinks I'm a violent child in need of a good role model. You. So I thought if he had told you something that might've made you believe I needed your good influence, then what would've stopped him from telling that same thing to everyone else? So I have to portray the character of a troubling guy who needs your good influence and for that to happen I need to be rude. So I was... highly insolent towards him... and he... Well, he didn't like that, of course... He got really mad and... and I ran away, he looked like he was going to.... - "To punch me".

His fast explanation had gotten quieter the more he thought of that man. Jungkook had fought with boys his age since he was fourteen, almost every day, and if another guy came to him ready to throw fists, he knew he wouldn't back away. But there was something about this man wanting to punch him... There was something about a grown man approaching him to punch him that chilled him to the bone and made him want to run away, to hide in his room and wait until that man had calmed down enough so he could go have dinner with his family... There were so many questions in his head, so many uncertainties, so many confused memories, but he didn't want to let himself think, he didn't want to think.

- Ok. - Taehyung nodded, worried and serious, yet surprised under the surface. - You're so smart, my love. Coming up with that idea while you were against the ropes like that. Brilliant. - He praised him with sincere admiration. Jungkook nodded, feeling slightly relieved to be reassured that he did the right thing. - But your eyes are too afraid for me to think he has only scared you once. Your eyes are telling me that you saw something you didn't want to, or worse yet, that he had actually hurt you in some serious way. So please, please Jungkook, tell me. I'm holding you, nothing bad is going to happen to you here with me. Please, tell me. -

As he looked into his worried eyes, the eyes of someone that loved him so much they were in pain as they saw him in fear, he wanted to tell him, to tell him everything, all his life, and his worries so he could be held by him while he healed. He wanted to heal, anything and everything that he had to heal, he didn't know how much that was or how long it'll take but he wanted Taehyung to hold him through all of it. How strange, it was the first time in his life he ever thought of healing, he had always thought of his injuries like they were something wrong he had or like he deserved them.

Jungkook nodded and Taehyung sighed with relief as they hugged tightly one last time before Taehyung guided them back to sit where they were, but now Jungkook was between his legs, leaning his side over Taehyung's torso as he laid against the bookshelf, and he held him, Taehyung's arms were around him while his own where folded over his chest like he was lying on a bed, but way better. And Jungkook took a deep breath before anything.

- I don't know where or how to start. - Jungkook confessed. There was so much regarding the whole subject, it wasn't only that the man had done just one thing and that's it, he had been a permanent part of Jungkook's life since he could remember without even being present the whole time, and he didn't know just how much of it was even real.

- That's fine. - Taehyung caressed his arm reassuringly. - Is there a beginning you can start from? - He tried to help in a soft voice. But the subject didn't let him rest.

- I don't know. - He said truthfully, his hopeless voice an echo of his inner uncertainty. - He... He's my father's best friend. -

Taehyung took a sharp intake of breath that sounded like an angry hiss, his hands grabbed Jungkook protectively and he leaned back to be straighter against the bookshelf, taking Jungkook with him, enclosing him with his legs and arms. Making him feel even safer.

- Figures. - Taehyung said through clenched teeth. - Why else would the Headmaster make a full week's decision in just one night without any consultation of the Board? What dictatorship is this? - He scoffed in disgust, and Jungkook straightened his head from his shoulder to see him. Immediately, his hardened disapproval expression softened when he looked into his own. - I'm sorry if I upset you. -

- You didn't. - Jungkook whispered. - I'm just glad you realize how bad this is from the start. - He said, seriously. This is bad, this just shows how much of an influence that man had on his father, and if he was able to make him avoid The Board at such an old university like Evanthe, then what would make his house any more of a challenge? If Professor Evans didn't care about following the rules of Evanthe, then, in Jeon Yungsoo's house, what could stop him? This man had a hand on his father's shoulder, like a devil. But, if his father lets himself be swayed, what would that make him?

- Yes. - Taehyung nodded, agreeing that it was indeed something bad. But not yet knowing how deep this goes.

Jungkook nodded and averted his eyes. And chose to tell him what he remembered as the truth.

- He has been his best friend since forever. But I never liked thinking of him, so I never paid too much attention to my parents when they started speaking about him at the table the times we could be there together. - It was when they first invited us to go with them to this dinner--... - Jungkook couldn't continue, he looked down, ashamed, in pain. - This dinner party at his house. - He closed his eyes, shaking his head, but he was still in pain. He had been that close, that close to having helped that child. Because he knew at some point in the night he would've gone wandering around the house and he could've met him somewhere, and they could've talked, and they could've become friends, and he could've helped... He shook his head again, took a sharp deep breath, and looked up.

Taehyung was frozen in horror, in anger, in outrage, waiting for him to please continue, to please tell him what happened, to please tell him that what he thinks happened didn't happen in the slightest.

- I didn't go. - He saw how Taehyung started to breathe again, but slowly, uncertain, and slightly confused. - They all went while I just stayed locked up in my room. - He breathed to keep calm. He had decided not to go because... he didn't want to see that man at the time. He had done something... he had said something... but, what was it? What had happened? Jungkook couldn't remember or didn't want to remember. He shook his head. - It was when they came back from it that it started to change somewhat. My siblings came back in awe, they saw him as a real role model now, someone they could look up to, even a deity seeing how this man is best friends with The Prince. -

- The what? -

- The last child of Queen Elizabeth, Prince Edward of Wessex. - He recited in an almost bored voice with an uninterested nod. How many times had he heard that little story? - Best friends since kindergarten, yeah. - Taehyung looked as surprised as outraged, it seemed like he didn't know whether to be in awe or curse this man's name. - You can say "wow" if you want to. -

- I don't want to. - Taehyung said in earnest as he shook his head in disgust, and that successfully made Jungkook give a weak chuckle which in return made Taehyung calm back down again as he rubbed Jungkook's arm. And Jungkook knew it was his time to continue so he breathed in deeply again.

- Yes, so. They came back starstruck and that's when my parents stopped talking within themselves to tell us stories about him because my siblings wanted to know everything about him, all the things he had done and how he managed them and all that. - He frowned. - Again, I was uninterested, anything regarding their power-hungry tendencies made me angry, it was work all over again, never the family. - A sad sigh came out from the depths of his lonely memories. - But it was a family meal, just what I asked for. - His head fell slowly. It had been what he had asked for, a family meal, but it wasn't what he wanted.

- Look at me. - Taehyung pleaded so softly, and Jungkook looked up at his saddened eyes. - I... - He swallowed, the sadness so deep it looked like he wanted to cry, and Jungkook held his face with one hand as he looked at him with worried eyes, but Taehyung looked uncertain about something, like he wasn't sure if he was allowed to say what he wanted to say. Jungkook gave him a tiny nod of encouragement and Taehyung brought a hand up to hold his face. - ...I can be your family if you want. - He whispered.

Jungkook looked him in the eyes and saw the sincerity in his proposal until the blurriness began, and then overflowed. The tiniest of sobs escaped his shut lips as he felt Taehyung's hand trying to swipe away the tears only for more to come. His chest felt tight as he held Taehyung's face as securely as he could with his shaky hand, and he kissed him on the lips, accepting Taehyung's offer with the only answer method he could give to him and no one else. Then he leaned back to see the deepest of stares in Taehyung's dark, shiny eyes. But they weren't shiny with tears, they were shiny with stars, with happiness, with hope, with future. Jungkook returned the soft smile, in love with his hope, in love with this man, and he knew he was loved as well while Taehyung leaned back in to give him just one more kiss.

Jungkook smiled blissfully and placed his forehead on Taehyung's neck as he snuggled into his chest and the arms around him protected him.

- I'm so happy right now that I don't want to continue. - He confessed with a bittersweet smile and then leaned back up to see Taehyung's sorry eyes. - But I know you won't rest until I finish. - Taehyung nodded softly, and he sighed, understanding Taehyung yet still saddened as he had to go back inside the dark right after the sun had kissed him softly on the lips. - So... - He continued. - My siblings loved him, and I didn't. He was just another power-hungry grown-up to me and not a role model I would want to have, and that displeased my siblings, of course, saying how I had no ambition and how that would get me nowhere in life. - He hissed slightly at the mild-but-still-there pain of the memory. The correct words had been way more awful, he remembers how he had run to his room to cry, but he doesn't remember what the exact words were, which was good. Still, the summary that Jungkook gave him made Taehyung mad, his jaw tightened.

- I think my parents didn't care at first but then when my siblings said I had no ambition it was like they woke up or something. They started to care more about my work at school. This was when I was thirteen, by the way, we started having family meals after I requested it during one of the therapy sessions we did. So, they started caring more about my work at school, not only my grades, and I thought it was awesome at first, I thought I would be able to ask them to help me on a project or... I don't know, what kids do with parents that actually care, I suppose. But they only cared because of the ambition thing, judging my works heavily, comparing them to my brother's and sister's, and that man, he was mentioned even more on the table, and my father... - Jungkook frowned, confused, uncertain, did this really happen or is his brain trying to connect everything to this wrongly... or rightly?

- Well, he... He became more strict, I guess. Well, he wasn't there most of the time to be strict himself but the maids and butlers did it for him when he wasn't there. I had to show my work of the day to his butler and he would judge it. More often than not, I would sleep without dinner. I don't even know what he was looking for, he never told me so I could change it, it was frustrating, but I did try. It was getting on my nerves, I was starting to feel more and more desperate for something... I don't... know, I don't think I know what it was I was waiting for...? I just worked and worked, and I always got perfect marks at school but I would rarely eat at my own house. - He shook his head, it still bothered him, not knowing what he did wrong, not knowing why he was being punished.

- And then when my father came back, I think this was before summer break, his butler told him "everything", whatever that was, and he came to my room. His butler had been so strict and he reminded me so often that it was on my father's orders that when I saw him I was... I don't know if I was scared or... I think I was waiting for him to... I don't know, I don't know--... - He broke off to breathe, he was so unsure of what happened and at the same time there was a nagging voice much like Evans' that told him that he did know what happened, but he didn't want to admit it. - I became desperate to... please him, I guess. To do what he wanted me to do so I could know with certainty if I was going to have dinner or if I would have to steal some food from the kitchen. The uncertainty of not knowing whether or not I would sleep with an empty stomach was not entirely scary just... awful, it made me feel... punished, like I was being punished and I didn't even know whether or not I deserved it so I could learn from it, I was just being punished. - He broke off again. Yes, he had been being punished. But for what exactly? For not making an acceptable paper for school? It always got a good grade, why then was it wrong in his own house?

Jungkook blinked harshly to wake himself up again.

- So I wanted to do as he said. Because I was doing something wrong and I wanted to do it right so he wouldn't be mad... The first thing he said to me right after months of working without stopping for his approval, was... "I'm so disappointed in you"...I... I couldn't understand, I... had tried so hard. - He shook his head, he didn't want to, no, he didn't want to remember who was the one who consoled him, no, the mind games, the blame, the pain, no. He shook his head and shook it again. He had to continue.

"Avoid it".

"Forget it".

- At dinner, that same day, Evans started to be mentioned, but not to amaze. To attack. My parents' excuse was that they wanted me to be inspired by him like my siblings were, but it was an attack. After just getting out of the worst months of my life where I was eating barely anything because the sadness wouldn't let me eat, ...Just when I thought I had finally had a family... My father made me go through months of punishment in his absence... It was all messed up, it's so confusing to explain. -

He shook his head and then tried to compose it better.

- We moved in June, I had that depression until September, my family was perfect until New Year and then my parents had to go back to-- back here, till... March, so I spent those three months being punished with food. Before, I wasn't eating because it felt terrible, and then when I finally got my appetite back on track, I was prohibited from eating as a punishment... It worked better than they hoped, I was so desperate to forget those months in darkness that everything that reminded me of them, like not eating, was torturous. -

- And because my father seemed to think good work was what Evans did, I tried to change. It felt terrible, I was dreadful at it, I didn't want to do it and I didn't even have to, the future that I wanted didn't need any of those... of those... meaningless papers. - He felt then, a movement from Taehyung, it had been like a little startled. But he couldn't look up at him, not now that he had the thread of the story. - The worst part was that my father praised me when I started to change into this... thing, but then when I couldn't keep it up, he went back to being disappointed. My mother was another thing completely, I wasn't looking for her approval, I wanted her love. But she didn't give that to me, only barely. Emily was a life savior, but I didn't have her with me all the time. I was returning to those dark months in sadness and I knew it, and I hated it. -

- So, getting close to my fourteenth birthday, I was fighting back: the urge to stop feeling altogether, the frustration of having to be that man for my father's approval, the irritation of having taunting siblings that were naturals at being perfect, and that feeling that was growing inside of me. - He put a hand over his chest in disgust. - That... monster. - He shuddered. - It's an awful feeling, a desperation to be loved that makes me sick and... violent. I didn't want it, I fought against it, many times I had to dismiss myself from the table to lock myself up so I wouldn't start screaming at them, it was... - He shook his head, a lump forming in his throat. The mention of this monster that lived inside of him was way worse than thinking about it, he was admitting it to someone else, he was admitting it to someone he loved and someone whose word he held very dearly, he couldn't look up at his eyes. But Taehyung's arms never wavered, they never slackened, and he never moved back. He leaned in to place his lips to his temple for so long and so softly that Jungkook sighed.

- A disappointment to my father, just another child to my mother, a target to my siblings, punished for not being like that man, scared that I might get back under that dark cloud, scared of the things growing inside of me, completely and utterly in pain for not being loved, surrounded by inanimate objects inside a locked room, nothing but me and my thoughts, and the thoughts that there was something wrong with me. Now that I think about it, what happened next was deemed to happen eventually. After I turned fourteen and came back to school, everything intensified, and I finally exploded. That night was awful, and the next day was way worse. I won't tell you about it so please don't ask me. After that was when the fights started, I went back to school, my bully commented on my green-looking face, and I lost it. I punched him without mercy, him and his four other friends, I didn't even notice I had been injured until the awful, disgusting feeling of rage finally subsided. -

- Evans was mentioned again and again, his good manners, his good attire, and his good way of dealing with anger--... - Jungkook stopped then, and put a hand over his eyes in horror because that "method" was boxing. And Jungkook was terrified to think that man used something other than a punching bag. He took a deep shuddering breath before continuing, lowering his hand from his eyes. - I hated him. And I was afraid of him, thinking he was like my father or worse. So I started to ignore anything that had to do with him. I was still trying to win my father's approval just so my mother could hug me at last. They stopped with the punishments with food and I ignored my siblings' awful remarks. With time, it was like it had all calmed down or like that year never happened. Sometimes, we're fine, my favorite moments were when we played board games as a family and we laughed together, with each other instead of against each other... against me. It felt good. A balm. Once a year. -

He couldn't smile, he couldn't anymore, he used to smile at these memories, but... he couldn't now, and that was the saddest thing of all.

- The first time I saw him again was at the Welcome Banquet. He was just another stranger, another good friend of my father. It wasn't until last night... - No, he shook his head, and leaned away from Taehyung for a second, just a second, to organize his sitting position a little better, to shake away the cold, to look him in the eyes, into his saddened and angry eyes. Taehyung was so worried for him, he felt terrible he was doing this to him. But he had to continue, he had to finish, Taehyung wanted to know everything. He took a deep breath that cut short in his closed throat before continuing.

- He scared me. And I ran to my room. At first, my friends and I were laughing, it was a really good time, but then... I told them I had angered him, and Leo got so worried, so worried he scared us all, he barely gets scared anymore but he was scared, really so scared for me... and then he told us why... - His throat closed, he had to swallow painfully to stop himself from crying. He shook his head, but the image was still there, the black and blue child, Jimin on the other bed crying and shaking on Tom's shoulder, Jimin beside him looking at him like an equal, the image of himself locked up in his room. No... he didn't want to... not himself...

- He... He told us that... He-- told us... that... - He took a deep breath, he had to say it now or he'll never say it later. - He used to have a kid. - His voice broke, and his hand flew to his mouth to stop himself from crying. Taehyung's frown couldn't get any deeper, he was afraid, he was confused, he was waiting for Jungkook to explain why he had said: "used to". Jungkook moved his hand away from his mouth as he shook his head in sorrow. - He used to beat his child. - Taehyung took a very deep breath, like the blow had been too harsh, his eyes went wide as he looked away, he was in shock, in utter shock, and then he looked back at Jungkook with the most terrified expression, asking for him to please explain, to please connect the two sentences and explain. - ...He's dead. -

Taehyung got startled, his body jolted at the news.

- He--... Wait... - Taehyung was trying to say something but he couldn't. - Wait, wait... Let me stand, please, I need to--... -

Jungkook immediately backed away and stood up, giving Taehyung space to stand. But he stood up slowly as if the breath had been knocked out of him, he was looking unseeingly at the floor with wide eyes. When he finally stood, he leaned back against the bookshelf for support, a hand over his mouth, still in shock. Watching this reaction made everything way worse for Jungkook.

He was standing a couple of steps away with his arms tight around his middle, trying to keep himself together, but he just told a loving father that his coworker abused his own child till death; he just told a father that couldn't live without his children's smiles that his coworker was able to smile even if his child was dead because of him; a loving father that despite societies rules still hugs and kisses his boy good night; a loving father that all but feels broken because he had to leave his kids behind to take this job, but a loving father that didn't succumb to sadness thanks to Jungkook. He needs Jungkook.

Jungkook neared him then, placed a hand over his cheek and the other on his shoulder. Taehyung looked up at him, still in shock, but now coming back to the present and lowering his hand from his mouth, to then hug Jungkook desperately. Jungkook hugged him by the neck just the same, holding and being held, protecting and being protected, loving and being loved, soothing and being soothed until both could loosen the tight hug enough to look into each other's eyes.

Taehyung frowned.

- I can't believe it. - He admitted with disgust. And then with sorrow. - No wonder you were so scared. My Love. My Angel. - He connected their foreheads and Jungkook took a deep breath, feeling the love and protection, and sharing the shock. - Your father... wanted you to be like him... -

- They never mentioned he had a child. - Jungkook told him. - Not even a hint. When Leo told us that last night, I was in complete disarray. I never knew he had a child, I never knew he was treated so awfully, and if I would've known... If I would've known, I wouldn't have declined to go to that man's house, I could've gone and met him, I could've--

- Don't feel guilty, Jungkook. Don't. It wasn't your fault in the slightest, in the slightest, you hear me? - Taehyung leaned away to hold his face with one hand and look at Jungkook's tortured expression. - There are a lot of things that are wrong in that whole situation and you are not one of them, you were another... you were another victim. -

- No. - Jungkook jolted, moving away from the hold, the touch, the warmth, the protection, and his lip trembled. He couldn't be, he couldn't be a victim, no, not like that child, he couldn't be, not like Jimin, no, it hurts, no.

- Shhh, it's ok, it's ok. - Taehyung neared him again, fast but softly to hold him quickly but not startle him. Again he held his face with one hand and around his waist with the other, and Jungkook felt like he could breathe properly again in his hold. - Ok. - Taehyung nodded, understanding that he shouldn't use that word. - Just tell me that you know it wasn't your fault, please. - Taehyung pleaded softly, honestly worried.

- I know. - Jungkook nodded grimly, he did know, and he didn't know why it still stung to know that he had been so close and done nothing. - I do know it wasn't my fault. - He nodded again, believing that saying it aloud would make the words erase the guilt.

Taehyung nodded, satisfied and relieved. But then shook his head at something else.

- This is so wrong in so many ways. - Jungkook nodded in agreement. The fact that this man is violent and has an eye on Jungkook but also the amount of influence he had over the Headmaster of their University, over Jungkook's father, was all very concerning. And the unsaid but shared question of just how long had this man influenced Jungkook's father in his private life? How much was his hand on Jungkook's suffering? And Jungkook was still uncertain about his own suffering, uncertain and in denial. Maybe mostly in denial, but he was in denial about that too. Taehyung held his face more securely and looked at him in the eyes with a longing, a deep strong longing. And Jungkook looked at him, waiting for him to say something. - I... I just want--... - He broke off, again looking like he didn't know if he was allowed to say it.

- What? - Jungkook encouraged him, he wanted his words to take him away from overthinking. - What do you want, Tae? -

Taehyung closed his eyes and softly connected their foreheads in surrender, like his wishes were stronger than his silence.

- It was just that, hearing how you lived with them, how you had to settle for... that family, how much you suffered... - Taehyung took a deep breath. - It makes me want to take you away. - Jungkook's heart skipped a beat, and Taehyung softly leaned back to look closely into his eyes, with so much love, and yearning for Jungkook to understand. - I know it was crazy for me to think that so suddenly, I'm sorry, I'm just so... mad, so angry. You deserve the world, you deserve love and happiness, you deserve... a whole flower field, I want to give you a whole flower field, I want to give it all to you, all. - Then he hugged him tightly.

Jungkook had been quiet as he confessed all of this. In shock. Coming out of a life with the bare minimum of love to the arms of passion, it was a lot to take in, too much to take in, so hard to accept and yet he was longing to accept it. He hugged Taehyung just as tight, shaking slightly with silent sobs as he cried on his neck.

He was overwhelmed, right after he relieved awful memories of his lonely past, Taehyung is there to tell him he will give him everything he ever wanted. It was too much too suddenly, and even so, he wanted it, he wanted all of it, he wanted Taehyung. But logic had a grip on one of his ankles and was keeping him tied up to the floor, stopping him from floating away into wishful thinking. He was grateful for this pull, for he was afraid of hoping too much about something so impossible.

They both knew it would be too hard to make that dream come true, they had no ideas, no plans, they were just living in the present they were allowed to have, grateful that they could hide away so easily to be together.

...But... the way Taehyung was hugging him wasn't sad.

As Jungkook's tears calmed down along with his breathing, he started realizing something.

Taehyung hadn't been explaining what he wanted to give to Jungkook in a sad voice like he knew he couldn't give anything, he was telling him what he wanted to do, exactly what he wanted to give him. Taehyung didn't think it was impossible. Since the night before, when they talked about the future and his eyes were so confident, he never thought it was impossible. All this time Jungkook thought they were both mourning for a future that could never be, but he had been wrong, Taehyung wasn't only hugging him, his arms weren't in their usual place... he was keeping him there, preventing him from getting away. Jungkook took a deep breath and gently tried pushing Taehyung away with his palms on his chest.

- Wait. - Taehyung stopped him in a soft voice that seemed scared for some reason. - Are you... Are you afraid of what I said? -

Jungkook got startled.

- What? No. - He answered softly. - Why would I? - He passed his hands around his neck and hugged him again, understanding why Taehyung had been holding him like that, and feeling deeply moved by it.

- It's just that, you were shaking so I... I'm sorry, I thought you got scared. I thought you would run away. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have--... - He slowly let go of Jungkook to hold him by the waist like he usually does and Jungkook leaned back to look him in the eyes, no trace of fear in them, just love and admiration for this man that had no fear of their future. - I shouldn't have prevented you from running if you wanted to, I just got so scared that you would... leave me. But if you wanted to, I should've let you. I'm sorry. - Taehyung shook his head, appalled. - I'm not like that, I swear. -

Jungkook leaned in and kissed him on the lips.

He was moved. Taehyung prevented him from running away in fear that he would leave him, he had thought Jungkook was shaking in fear, not crying. Jungkook's sobs had been silent and he had dried his tears before Taehyung could see them, of course, he would think he was shaking in fear.

He didn't want to run away at any second so there was not a single spec of resentment at the idea that he wouldn't have been let go. He was moved by the fact that Taehyung loved him so much that he wouldn't want to let him go.

He leaned back from the kiss with a little smile.

- I'm not mad or scared. - He reassured Taehyung in a soft voice, and Taehyung returned the smile with a grateful little sigh. His eyes were so sincere, so openly honest in the way they shined with love, and Jungkook's heart went tight with how much love there was in it, it was too much, he loved him too much it was unbearable to keep it in. - I love you. - Just like the first time he said it, it was like a warmth spread around the both of them, and sudden but mild surprise made Taehyung's eyebrows go up for a second, and then came back down as he smiled, widely and happily, before leaning down to kiss him again, more passionately.

And it was true, he did love him, how could he not love him?

With the way he understood him, listened to him, cared for him, and loved him, with the way Jungkook felt like himself with him, free and happy, and when he's not happy he felt safe and secured. In the good and the bad, he always feels protected when he's with Taehyung, protected in heart and body. How could he not love this beautiful man that has saved him in body and soul since the moment they met? How could he not love him when he's kissing him so softly and yet so passionately while his hands held him close to him, not wanting to let go? How, in heaven's name, could he ever be so ungrateful to decline this Angel's love? He couldn't. He wouldn't.

Taehyung leaned back and looked at him with love-filled eyes before nearing his ear and whispering...

- I love you. -

Jungkook sighed in bliss. It was euphoric to hear him say those words, with his deep voice whispering in his ear like he wanted to get the nearest he could to Jungkook so he could tattoo the words into his mind forever. Though they already were. Taehyung chuckled as his hands went around Jungkook's waist to hug him tight again, and Jungkook was so grateful as he hugged him back.

- Thank you, for holding me while I told you all of that. I wouldn't have been able otherwise. Thank you. -

"Thank you for being there, thank you for hearing all of it, thank you for worrying about me, thank you for caring about me, thank you for understanding every word, thank you for not judging me when I told you about my inner monster, thank you for hugging me tighter instead, thank you for loving me, than you."

Taehyung turned his head and kissed him softly on his temple.

- Always. -

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🌼Thank you for reading Chapter 24 <3

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Ela Shadow Rose 🥀

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