[...... hi , it's just a filler, it's all i could come up with ]

"Honestly, I wish I could be a bird." Its been 2 hours since Yeosang and You have found the cabin. The sun is still up but you know in an hour or so it will be hidden and the moon will take its place. Yunho has been speaking nonsense for the past hour out of boredom and you are surprised that Hongjoong hasn't hit him yet. You've been thinking of what ‪Yeosang revealed to you and honestly, the unknown scares you.

"Let's play a-"

"Enough with the game crap, Yunho!" Jongho whines earning a boot to be thrown at his head to which he easily dodges. You stifle a smile and scoop up another spoon of beans. It's quiet outside, you notice, not even a chirp from those pesky bugs you used to hear every night. They even became sort of a lullaby from how much you heard them. But tonight, there were none and you were silently cheering for you would finally have a good, peaceful night. That's IF you can fall asleep. For some reason it's been getting harder for you to sleep, sometimes you would even give up on trying to force your eyelids closed and just stared into nothing before you passed out.

"Y/n!" You jerk up and look around before seeing Seonghwa with his hand extended out to you. "Are you done with your beans?" You scoop another spoonful of beans into your mouth before nodding and handing the can to him. Now seemed like a good time to sleep after being full.

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Before you knew it the sun had gone into hiding and everyone had gotten their wool sheets that yeosang had 'found' from a local town and were off into sleepy land. Unlike you. Your mind was too awake, too composed with thoughts and there was nothing you could do to turn it off. You tried dreaming of sheep, you tried dreaming of the lullaby your mother would sing for you but nothing was working. You even tried listening to Yunho's snores for crying out loud. It feels like one of those nights at the cottage with your mother , sleepless nights.

"Hey," A soft spoken voice speaks out and you turn your head to see San staring at you. You thought he had already fallen asleep like the rest of the group.

"Hey...why are you up?" You ask and he smiles. Weird.

"I couldn't sleep, I got tired of watching you stare up at the ceiling so," He says almost teasingly and you crack a smile , but then it drops.

"I was just thinking, my brain is too awake." San seems to understand the feeling and nods his head, sighing deeply as if he knows what kind of thoughts are running through your mind.

"May I ask what you were thinking of?" You hesitate, unsure of how to say it or what to say. I think you killed someone. No, that would be horrible to say.

"What was your life like before....this?" That was the safest way, getting him to open up. San goes silent for a few seconds, maybe pondering over what to say or maybe just ignoring your question, not wanting to speak about his life. When seconds turn into a minute you give up and think about just trying to sleep again.

"I was a farmer, with my grandparents, my parents had passed away when I was four," San says in a deadpan voice, almost emotionless,"I would milk the cows, tend to the plants, nothing exciting." You close your eyes and try to imagine San tending to the crops under the blistering heat of the sun, smiling with his grandparents and drinking cold milk. The thought makes you smile.

"Did you enjoy it? Milking cows all day?" You ask, teasing but there isn't a smile on San's face.

"No, I didn't, I hated it. But I spent time with my grandparents, and if that meant milking stinky cows all day then I'd do it." You can hear the sadness in his voice and suddenly you regret asking him. You open your mouth to apologize but he speaks again.

"I also had uh.... I guess you could say a girlfriend, we never really labeled ourselves as partners." You intake a breathe and wait for him to continue but he doesn't.

"Did you.... did you guys break up?" You find yourself asking, though you know the answer already. It's silent for a few and you're back to hearing Yunho's loud snoring.

"Shes dead," San solemnly says,"I let her die."

"San, I'm sure that's not-"

"I stood and watched her get shot and I did nothing, I left and went on with my life." Oh. You don't say anything, you don't know what to say. San notices your change in behavior and and sighs, shifting over to his side, no longer facing you.

"Goodnight, Y//n, try to sleep, forget about what I've told you, it doesn't matter anymore."