Dear universe...

Ok, so hear me out. I know I said that I wouldn't be back but here we are. It might have been a silly mistake I made because I was drunk, however I think I might try this whole shebang out properly. The adults in my life are always dragging on about finding a creative outlet and this is definitely more healthy than any previous one I had tried out. Although, I don't think that this one will land me in hospital after gaining an unhealthy addiction to it. I probably won't develop an addiction to pouring my thoughts out into a random blog of a failure on the internet but it's nice to prove to the world and the universe that I am in existence and I am alive. It's amazing and equally as shocking that I have even made it this far.

I think that the real reason that I have made my return though, is because it isn't easy for me to share anything with anyone. Just hours - well more like half a day - after I wrote my first blog post (if that's what we're calling this) I was told by my own mother to make an effort and get my life together. That's not what you say to a mentally unstable seventeen year old, no matter what has happened to you that day. All she fucking did was swan off into London with my younger sister, aka the "angel child", to meet up with my older brother who was the novelty considering that he was home from uni for the weekend. I didn't see him. I didn't want to, so I made certain that I wouldn't by sleeping all day and staying in my room at night. It worked, but it hasn't made me the most popular with my mum. I managed to make an executive decision not to blow up in her face on Sunday though, so I really think she should be more appreciative of what a thoughtful daughter she has. That is a joke. Well, only half a joke.

So, because this is my space, I can do whatever I want on it. Just about within reason. Nothing majorly illegal, calm down. But I think I am going to, quite simply, tell you what I get up to. It won't be anything big and it also won't be hugely exciting but I like noting down little things. I only get little things because I don't go to school, I don't have a job and I don't have any friends other than the one remaining sort of school friend who sends me life updates. Updates on everyone else's lives, not even her own. I don't really do a whole lot, but I've managed to compile a short list that I will never ever need to write again because nothing ever changes. How fucked up is that? Anyway:

My list of activities that never has the audacity to change:

I went to the park and sat in my tree to avoid the stupid posh London goers I am surrounded by

I wrote some random shi- in my notebook. I don't know what I wrote because it all just came out of my brain without my permission and arranged itself on the page.

I slept more than I should have but I also didn't do anything to try and change that.

I poured my breakfast down the sink.

I had an argument with my mother whilst eating a baguette that should have probably should have already been eaten.

I also had an argument with the bread box. I hate that thing. Why didn't we buy one that actually opened instead of one that looked nice but ripped your arm off every time you opened it?

I didn't shower because that was too much effort.

I didn't kill anyone but I was tempted.

I didn't kill myself but I was tempted.

I didn't rip the head off of my mother but, again, the temptation was all too real.

But anyway. I don't really know why I am making no effort to change my life, actually maybe I do. What point was there in changing anything when I could just simply *cease to exist*? Right, right, I'm sorry. "Bad attitude". I hate when people tell me I have a bad attitude for multiple reasons. For one thing, how is telling me I have a bad attitude going to change a single thing? Yeah. It isn't. In addition to that, I don't really care what anybody else thinks of me.

I think I've had enough now. I think I should sleep. Shit. It's 4am.

See you next time - this time I'm sure there will be one.

From me :)

Posted at 04:02am on Tuesday the 28th of April 2009

1 comment:

@lostcqlibre - Dear universe... maybe I've found somebody who actually gets it <3