Dear Universe...

It's been a while, I guess... Hasn't it? 11 days is a pretty long time, at least in comparison to the two, three, four days breaks I used to take. For once, life got in the way and I guess I... forgot. Yikes. I didn't want to give up on this, so I think I shall just update you on the previous 264 hours of my life. I shall do that right now.

I met a guy called Sebastian who was obsessed with getting me out of a tree and then proceeded to word vomit at me, telling me about the girl he had gotten pregnant. We'd just met and it was dark and it was weird. Never again. Seriously.

Home life has been the same, or at least very similar. My parents still seem a little fake and pretentious towards me, but it doesn't hurt quite as much and I think that it's ok. It doesn't upset me anymore.

My sister, Tara, seems different. Yeah, I get we didn't talk for three years yet I can tell that something is on her mind and I feel like it's my fault. Even though we have been getting along just fine lately.

I still haven't met up with my ex/friend again, I feel like I should probably reach out again because what kind of shitty move is reaching out to someone for forgiveness, then ignoring them after you've got it.

I had a job interview about a week ago, for that little music shop near the Thames, and I actually got it!! It's only small, just over thirty hours a week but it will get me out of the house and get me the money to get out of my house.

I think that's pretty much all I need to say. Things have been... fine. They were going just ok, now I'm a bit better. The thing is, I know I'm different now, but I'm still cripplingly scared of slipping out of grip and going back to how I was. That's pretty impossible, not going to lie, I was a different person back then - a fucking horrible one at that. I guess that recovery, closure, is just reliving my darkest moments before I can let go of them for good and accept them and move on.

On another note, the lines on my arm have finally scabbed over and I don't believe these ones are going to scar. The others, I guess I'm just going to have to display as battle scars and that's ok, I think. At least I may never have to experience the waves of horror and guilt and regret as there is blood dripping down my arm again. Being silent in the darkened bathroom, not wanting to wake my sister or my parents. I'm not proud of myself but the Annalise from back then was struggling, she saw no other way of expressing herself. Unfortunately.

I think I'm going to leave this blog, letter, post here. It might have been eleven days but they've been remarkably uneventful and there isn't any point in me making myself write. That'll probably be toxic and boring. So...

Until the next time...

Annalise (Ps. I'm proud of you) <33

Posted at 13:07pm on Thursday the 28th of May 2009

5 comments:

@lostcqlibre - You're so open and vulnerable now, I'm so proud of you. Also, if there weren't

quite so many people in London I might see you around xx <3

@user76176238492 - Your life is more dramatic than a soap opera to be honest.

@seb5d6e592bumblebee - Hello... tree girl. I don't know how I found you :-)

@1800-3333-666 - Music shop? Absolute icon, slay queen!

@userhannah4572 - This was the most boring blog post I've ever read, not going to lie