Two days ago...

Please don't point out

the way I mumble my words

Maybe I don't have the

confidence to trust my own voice

Please don't point out

the way I cover up my body

The body I see

shames me enough already

Please don't point out

every mistake I make

They weigh on my mind every day

so I don't need you to reiterate

Please don't point out

my flaws every chance you get

All those negative thoughts

all they are good for is leaving scars

The journey to find my lost calibre: Day 528

So, the plan did in fact fail. I sort of knew that it would, but I still had that hope. I wanted to do it so badly, to leave the house and go out with friends but when you're known as "The fat girl in the wheelchair" people don't tend to want to be seen with you. They don't want to be near you, touch you, or even talk to you because they might face the repercussions of their actions and be ridiculed for being friends with the "cripple". Realistically, it was never going to happen.

My parents weren't very pleased with my plan either, telling me that it would place a big burden on my friends and just worry them sick all day when I wasn't with them. Selfish cows. This is my life not theirs, and I've had over five hundred days where I'm stuck, strapped into a chair because my legs no longer support my body. I'm not a burden to anyone, I just need things to be a little bit different sometimes. Oh well, one day soon.

Who am I kidding? I'm not even kidding myself, deep down I'm aware that I don't have a friend who will go out with me. Not Lexie, not Summer, not Eleanor, not Aoife and certainly not Cath.

So. New plan. Find a friend. A good friend who will explore the most accessible areas of London with me. Because at the end of the day, there's got to be someone out there who just likes me for me. If I look hard enough, I can find them. It will probably just require a little more patience and a little more effort than I would like it to. Everything does, but I guess that doesn't mean that I should stop trying.

New plan starts now.

Love Milly <3

1 comment:

@Annaliseisalive309 - London? Maybe one day that could be me? But seriously, Milly, I'm

sorry about that. I know how excited you were. I'm so sorry about your "friends" xxx Annie