*Now playing - Been Like
This by Doja Cat*

Was it envy? I couldn't quite figure it out. I was happy for them, all of them but something in my heart hurt as I watched the table filled with all the smiling couples that I knew as my closest friends and maybe go as far as my chosen family.

I loved them all and though I wasn't the greatest at showing it, I did. They all tried their very best to help me through the months even when I pushed some of them away—they tried.

Chan and Valerie looked really good together, sometimes when I looked their way briefly I would catch Chan whispering something into her ear and she would subtly laugh about it. They drifted into their own word and it reminded me a lot of Jisung and me when we were younger and our parents forced us at the dinner table but the only thing that motivated us into agreeing was the whispers we snuck in between the back-and-forth conversations with our parents. I miss those days but I need to live in reality.

I found that I thought back to the past a lot more than I should. I always found it hard to forget about certain things or just live in the now. Wasted time is one of the most devastating losses. It's something you can't get back and it's taken me most of my life to realize that.

The dinner table went quiet as Valerie rose up from her seat with her wine glass in hand. "I just wanted to thank everyone again for coming and agreeing to be here" She spoke with her bright red lips. "I know how much you all mean to Chan and each other" She stopped and I felt her eyes linger on me for a few seconds longer than the rest. "I hope you all like me"

"We love you!" Felix shouts and the table erupted into laughter and cheers before quieting down again but still small laughter.

She smiled, showing her straight white teeth. There was no doubt that she was beautiful. She stood there with short black hair and a bold lip, I would say she screamed confidence but at this moment she showed us a vulnerable side, a side that showed that she cared what we thought about her.

Her face grew serious and that made everyone confused as she started to speak again "I asked Chan to invite you all here and yes part of it was to meet you all—the people I hear some much about"

"Aw—Channie loves us that much?" Changbin jokes around and Chan looked almost confused.

Valerie looked down "But the idea of this dinner didn't get come directly from me"

I look at the others, all of us confused and Chan puts his hand gently on Valerie's arm "Babe, your the one that came to me with the idea"

"The idea was mine"

It seemed like everyone froze as the voice surrounded us and reality pushed us back down, making us—making me figure out what was happening.

I slowly turn my head to see him standing there. He looked different, though I just saw him yesterday. Maybe it was because he was in the room with all of us again. Something that weighed over me since he showed back up was the fact that I had to keep it a secret from everyone.

Nobody spoke as he slowly walked in and I could tell that half of him regretted this and another half was relieved that he finally did it.

"I asked Valerie to plan the dinner" He spoke again, his eyes going to me. I look down and try to put together the pieces of how he and Valerie knew each other other than being neighbors.

"Valerie knew where you were this whole?!" Chan said, the sound of the chair scraping the floor as he stood up.

"More importantly, she knew who he was and didn't think to mention it to us!" Changbin also spat.

I swallow harshly, standing up as everyone else was "Can you two calm down" Felix says, his eyes find mind and sadness floods them. He looks away "Jisung, Valerie I think we all need an explanation"

Seungmin and Jeongin stood quiet, taking in the scene. "Um—" Valerie starts but seems hesitant. She looks at Jisung and he looks at me.

"Years ago I told you that I didn't have many friends before I moved" He spoke to me, directly to me. "Valerie is that friend"

I furrow my brows and shake my head "I-I don't understand" I said, "She lived next to you for god knows how long and you didn't seem to remember her? Or was that another thing you kept from me?"

Jisung sighs and shakes his head "We were young when we met Minho, how am I supposed to remember that?"

"Back to my question, you knew where he was?" Chan asked Valerie and slowly she nods.

"Yeah" Chan sighs loudly and she grabs his arm "But I helped keep him safe" She spoke to him, looking at us "Y'all can't be mad at him, he didn't have a choice—"

"Valerie!" Jisung interrupted her. He looks back at me "I didn't lie to you" He said "I didn't know who she was until that night when she helped me"

I look at Valerie and she looks at me, I felt like everyone was looking at me. I inhale a long breath "I need air" I said lowly, walking out of the room.

"Minho" Jisung calls for me and I keep walking. Walking out of the house and letting the cool air engulf me. I stop walking and hear Jisung behind me. "Minho" He repeat but his voice was softer.

"I'm happy you did this," I said, turning to Jisung "I know they are too"

Jisung smiled softly "You think so?"

I nod "Of course"

Jisung looks at me and walks closer "I wanted to tell you about Valerie the night I met you on the roof of the restaurant"

"What stopped you?"

He shrugged "It was all overwhelming for me. Stepping out of my life for months and suddenly being back, I missed it but a part of me was afraid"

I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him into a hug, he accepts it immediately—wrapping his arms around my body and pulling me against him tighter.

I let out a low sigh "I don't want to be afraid anymore" He said.

"What are you afraid of?"

"Everything," He said, "Mostly—losing you"

I pull away and look at him, "I'll always be here" I said.

He looks back and forth between both of my eyes before placing a soft kiss on my forehead.

This is what I missed. He didn't feel guarded or like he was holding something inside. He welcomed me back into my mind, though I still didn't know the full story. I felt okay with it right now.

I felt like I was finally getting him back.

-

I walk into the apartment, Jisung following behind before we both start taking off our shoes. We didn't talk much after dinner.

I silently watched Jisung talk with the others as they missed him and though he went around each of the questions he was asked, we all still enjoyed his presence again.

I walk away and before I could fully enter the living room I was stopped by his sudden comment. "I talked a lot about you" I turn around and Jisung walks to me but still kept a small distance. "To Valerie"

My eyebrows raise "Oh, I-I wasn't aware" I look down briefly, it all coming back to me now. I look at him "Is that why she's always looking at me?"

Jisung chuckles and nods "Most likely," He said "Or it could be because you are a beautiful sight to look at"

Heat rose to my cheeks and I turn around, walked into the living room, and sat on the couch. "I'm serious though," He said, following me and sitting next to me as I skim through movies to put in to fill this tension that rises.

"That I'm pretty or that you talk about me?" I look at him briefly.

"Both but I meant that I talked about you. A lot that I thought she was getting tired of hearing me go on and on"

I swallow harshly and look at him "Can I ask you something?" He looks over my face before nodding slowly "But you have to answer honestly"

He chuckles lowly "Okay"

My eyes leave his and fall to the space between us "She wasn't the only one that helped you that night was she?" I look up to look at his expression.

"No" He answered immediately but not much was on his face but in his eyes. "She wasn't the only one"

I turn to him fully and my hands fiddle in my lap as I sigh "I'm thankful that she—they helped you" I started "Tonight when you told us that she did, at first I felt a bit betrayed because I allowed myself to get to know her and... like her for Chan" I said and Jisung fully listening to me "But this isn't about me" My voice fell short and I break eye contact with him and look down.

"Hey" He scooted closer to me and grabbed my face in his hands "I know you Darling" He spoke softly and I practically melted into his touch "I know you don't open up to everyone and so I understand"

I frown "I realized recently apart of me has to change"

He furrows his brows and pulled away but only to take my hands into his "What part?"

"Pushing myself away from being happy and what I want"

He stares at me softly. Something about Jisung was he always stared at me like I was the center of his world. Like everything orbited around me and I loved that. I knew what I meant to him and That was enough, wasn't it?

"And what do you want Darling?"

"For you to kiss me" He smiles softly before leaning in and connecting our lips. My hands leave him and I place them on his cheeks to deepen the kiss that was already so emotionally deep.

I found myself sitting up, lips still attached as we both refused to let go. To savor this moment. His hands found my waist and guided me to straddle his waist. I pull away and my lips go to his cheek and down to his ear, kissing below his ear when I hear his low sigh—making me go back into reality. The thought of him pushing me away again made me nauseous.

I pull away and both of us are out of breath, "Sorry" I mumble "I know we probably shouldn't"

I was about to get off of his lap before he hold me in place and I look at him "You looked amazing tonight" He said and soon I forgot about what I was thinking about. His hands slid up my thighs and under my shirt where his cold hands met with my hot skin. Sending a shiver down my spine but starting a fire where his hands were. "Who did you want to look good for tonight?" He asked.

"Myself"

His hands squeeze my sides and I hum "I like that" He says "I want you to feel good about yourself"

Hesitantly I run my hands up his chest, over his black dress shirt, and resting them on the nape of his neck. "I feel better with you"

Something I haven't seen since he came back flashed through his eyes and it excited me. It gave me hope, you can say.

I took a risk. A risk to my confidence but more for my reassurance.

Kissing him again but with more, lust. My tongue roamed his mouth and he gladly accepted it. He didn't pull away when it felt too much. He didn't pull away when I rolled my hips but he invited it as he pulled away and kissed down to my neck. Kissing and marking the place me claims as his. It was. I was.

His.

I let out a breathy moan. Feeling the excitement well up in my stomach and I felt his hands go down to my ass. "You want me?" He whispered into my ear.

My hands run up with his hair as I nod, looking at him "I always want you" I said, "But you never want me" I admitted to him and I watched pain flash his face.

He grabs my jaw and forces me to look at him "Your all I want" He said sternly, hoping it will go to my head and stay there. Hoping I doubt it. "All I need, you hear me?"

I nodded slowly "I'm all you want" I repeated his words and he smiles. Wrapping his arms around my body and changing our position.

He hovered over me as I lay on the couch. His lips on my neck again, tasting me. I let out a long sigh. I look down as I felt him sit up and he looked at me with a sly smirk. I get up on my elbows "What?". In a second he pulled my shirt apart, the sound of buttons falling onto the floor somewhere. "What the fucked?!" I curse but shut myself up when he laid back down, in between my legs, and kissed my chest.

His lips were on my body again. It was something I'd missed and it wasn't because I was always horny but because it was him. I felt like these moments with him meant more to me than a drunken night I had with randoms—with Luca. It was only these past months I realized that.

I squirm as my jeans tighten with anticipation and excitement. "Jisung" My voice was breathy "Baby—"

He stopped and looked at me "Do you want me to stop?"

I shook my head "No—No, but the cats—"

"Are somewhere sleeping" He said, hand running over my now hard dick that was wanting his touch.

I inhale a shaky breath "Jisung—" He glared at me and I swallowed harshly "Baby please" I begged.

"Please what?" He slowly rubbed but past my cock and down my thighs

"Touch me," I said "I want you to touch me. Please, I only want you to touch me" At this point, I was close to tears as I haven't done anything sexually in MONTHS. Well, I have but it was never satisfying and I never got hard.

But it was ruined. Ruined by the sound of my phone ringing and making Jisung's hand come to a halt. I look at him and he looks at me "We—We can just ignore it" I sit up and my hand goes to his face softly.

He laughs and shakes his head "Desperate aren't you Darling?"

I groan as I see him sitting up and I grab my phone from the floor as it had fallen. I sit up and look at the name. Freezing and regretting not turning my phone off.

"Who is it, Darling?" I look at Jisung and back down to my phone.

Luca. That's who called. It wouldn't seem like a big deal but I knew how Jisung felt about him, making me hesitant.

"Who is it Minho?" He spoke more sternly. I guess he sensed my hesitance.

I decline the call and turn off my phone "Nobody important" I said, putting my phone on the coffee table and looking at him. His eyes followed the phone and looked back at me. Not saying anything. "Luca" I was never good at lying to him.

He looked at me for a second longer before looking away.

I sigh and frown "Why does it feel like you're mad at me now?" I scoot to him and put my hand on his shoulder but he shrugged it off.

"You lied to me" My brows pushed together and I shook my head lightly.

"I-I didn't. I told you who was calling"

Jisung looked me dead in the eyes "Yesterday. You lied"

I stop and it felt like my throat was closing up as I shook my head again "What?"

"You said you were at the shop but you weren't" I felt my hands start to shake and my eyes watered. "You were with him"

I look away and nod "Yeah I was but I didn't tell you the truth because we already had an argument and I didn't want to have another one"

"And you thought going to have a coffee date with him would make it all better?"

I look at him "It wasn't a date"

"I meant... as friends," He said in a sarcastic tone.

My blood rose but it mixed with something I wasn't quite over. I get on his lap and he furrowed his brows "As friends" I repeated his words "That's all we are" I run my hands up his neck but he pushed me off. Hovering over me again.

"And that's all he'll ever be," He said to me, looking me in the eyes "Because I'll never let him have you" I grabbed his neck and smash his lips onto mine, his hands quickly going down to my chest and unbuckling my pants "He will never have you like this" He kissed my neck and softly biting my collarbone, making me moan softly. "A mess and needy for my touch but he couldn't even keep you hard," He said, kissing down my naked chest. "Nobody but me" he licked down to my waistband and sent me into a spiral.

my head was spinning and I'd gone dizzy. He pulls my pants down with my boxers and my hard dick sprung up. "That confirms it all" He chuckles and I groan, embarrassed by how much I needed him. How he was right, he was the only one that got me this way.

He looks at me and I glare at him "Stop staring at me that way and just suck my dick"

He laughed loudly "Is that all you want me for?"

I put "No," I said "I want you for kisses and maybe for the cuddles"

"But most importantly the sex" He adds and I nod.

"It overpowers the rest" He rubs up my thighs and I sigh, "Now can we continue or do you just want to see me naked?"

⚠️SEXUAL CONTENT⚠️

He smirks and wraps his hand around my dick. I let out a shaky breath when his cold hand meets my dripping length.

"I do love to see you naked," He says. "But only when it's for me"

I take in the feeling of his hand pumping my cock. Feeling his breath hit my length, making me look down at him wrapping his mouth around me and taking me in.

I let out a long moan, "Jisung, fuck!" I run my hands through his hair and slightly pull at it as he continued to suck my dick.

I wasn't thinking of anything or anyone when I was with him. It was him. It's always him. I think it will never stop being him.

*Now playing - Been Like
This by Doja Cat*

Not as much smut as you probably want but 1. i'm so not in the mood to write toe curling smut right now.
2. I didn't want this update to be surrounded by the smut.

Also, this update is LONG. A little more than 3k words. let's celebrate fr bc that's rare for me.

Someone said they wanted more drama on here. Let me remind y'all that this book is BARELY getting past the beginning.

Jisung is barely getting officially OFFICIALLY back into the book and I still have so much planned. You know I love me some drama and if it lacks it now, that's because I haven't gotten into it.

I was letting y'all enjoy the 'peace' while it lasted but if y'all want it I might as well hurry up and get into it ;)

I wrote the dinner part like two days ago but we had a dust storm and the next day my allergies were attacking me fr.

And yesterday I was overwhelmed with school, but back today and hopefully soon i'll figure out a decent update schedule that works for me.