Asteria Edwards was sure that the universe was actively, always, working against her.

At first, she only suspected it, but now she was sure.

She hadn't realised it before, but whatever disaster that had occurred at the night of Halloween had occurred just two days before the first official Quidditch match of the season.

But no— it didn't cause any trouble within the Slytherin team. And no— it wasn't like she didn't feel well enough to play. In fact, the day she woke up, they had had a pretty normal practice session, with some of the members (Amelia Henry and Clea Fawley specifically) heavily criticizing and cursing Umbridge over how unfairly she had treated their Captain.

And to be completely honest, it was like some soothing ice for the way Ria's heart had burnt that night. It made her a bit emotional too, even though she didn't show it.

Though the problem wasn't there at all, really.

It all went downhill the night before the match, when another nightmare welcomed itself into her dream.

There was no sign of fog— not a hint of vision, but she was there again, in front of the stone arch. Down on her knees, she looked up at her mother, standing right in the middle.. in between the end and the beginning.. in between existence and nothingness.

Her face was the same— the one Ria begged to see again. Her eyes were the same— with the warmth of a fireplace. Her smile was the same— welcoming her into her safe arms.

Nightmares were a dark place, but oh.. they were the only place she would get to see her again.

Nightmares were strangely comforting, but so.. so cruel because they would make her disappear again when Ria would be just close enough to reach.

And nightmares were merciless.. because now Ria walked to the other side, not to find her mother, but Jay, smiling in that snow-stricken room, telling her that he would be okay, that he would survive there no matter how much Ria begged him to come with her.

"They'll get me better!" He had laughed boyishly, marking another night where Ria woke up gasping for air, with tears in her eyes.

It took her a moment and a miniscule sip of her new brewed potion to put rest to the pain in her chest and the trembles in her body. And she sat there on her bed, back leaned against the headboard, face in the palms of her hands as silence settled in the room again.

It was back. God— it was back.

That guilt.. whose punches she had been receiving in her guts since the day she had set foot in Hogwarts. Guilt about everything that could ever happen, because she was a Seer and she was supposed to know everything.

She was supposed to save everyone.

The Seer had done nothing.. saved Ria so many times but always failed to save what mattered most to her.

Then there was this Obscurus. A strong, dark force that could tear through walls.. and fly through the air, leaving no trace.. intimidate the people she could never by herself.. have one of the strongest wizards of this age give up his most efficient soldier just so he could have it by his side.

It was stronger than Ria had ever perceived herself to be. But it— did— nothing.

If it could've done one good thing— even one— maybe she would've forgiven all those mistakes and all the times it had made her body ache for not letting her have its way.

It never did anything. Nothing that would please her. Nothing that would make her feel grateful that no matter what the consequences, she had something strong within herself.

Then.. the Siphoner.

The damn power because of which she was born.. because of which she suffered.. because of which she would die.

And would she ever be able to use it? Would she be able to seize from the people that didn't deserve power? From those who didn't deserve their punishments?

Ria glowered down at the mark on her hand. Her vision was blurry.. bright. Her eyes were glowing of fury and hot tears because the guilt had come back in the form of words very familiar.

"Knowing everything.. but doing nothing." She gritted her teeth, her hands threading through her hair, tensed.

"I have done nothing." She breathed.

Her eyes lingered on the bottle of Draught of Peace, again, and suddenly, she felt disgust churn in her stomach.

The blanket flew off her body and she rushed to the bathroom outside her room. She keeled over the toilet and felt that disgust fall right out along with the vomit.

By the time it was over and she moved to the sink to clean herself, she felt her body shivering. Looking up at the mirror, she had tears brimming her eyes.

Ria hadn't really noticed before, but her cheeks looked sunken.. so did her eyes. They weren't vibrant like before. And the eyebags and dark circles underneath did nothing to make her feel better.

Is that why the world targets me? Because when I feel weak and helpless.. I look like it too?

And the very next thing was hot rage striking through her. It made her rush back to her room, take her wand, pull the invisibility cloak over her head and storm out of her dorm room.

It was a rush at start, but then the tears streamed down so quickly that she couldn't help but run, not caring if someone heard her.

Why was it that she felt such fury?

And why was it.. that now, out of all times, she tried not to flee from it or push it down, but confront it instead?

The truth was.. Asteria Edwards was tired.

But this time, she wasn't tired of the world.. or her fate.. or the Azraels.. or Ackerman.. or Voldemort.. or Lagarde.. or anyone else.

She was tired of her own fucking self acting like a damn damsel in distress.

When did I get so tame? So— So fragile?

She was Isabella Diggory's daughter. And even though she had only tried to protect her all her life, the last thing that woman had ever taught her daughter was to be tame.

So she followed that route again.. the one that had led the DA to the room where they learned how to fight.. the one that had led herself to that room again in hopes that she could learn, but on her own. It took her back there again.. for the third time.

She stood in front of the wall, eyes closed for a wish while her chest heaved up and down although it ached with every movement. And then she heard the door opening.

Ria walked up inside, observing the almost familiar room— its cushioned but strong walls, the human-shaped sculptures and ruins around its space.

She let the cloak slide off, pointing her wand at one of the mechanical death-eaters they had practised with, last year. "Immobulus." Its movement stopped, and she hung the cloak on its arm.

Walking to the middle of the room felt almost honorary, as if destiny had made it so for her, even though it was the Room of Requirements that had done it.

With one final exhale, the barrier broke. She aimed her wand at a death-eater. "Incendio!"

The growl that left her throat would have surprised her any other day, but today she knew.

As she watched the flames dance, she knew how she felt.

A "Reducto!" came right after, blowing a sculpture into pieces. And another spell came right to her mind. "Stupefy!'

It continued. Even when she didn't put her mind to it, the spells kept coming right behind one another, and so did the tears.

"Diffindo!" Her throat hurt.

She ran around the debris in her slippers, not caring if she stepped on something and had her ankle bent at some wrong angle. All she wanted was to keep trying.. to find biggers pieces that might have left somewhere, to crush them to pieces.

"Engorgio— Bombarda!"

Everything hurt.

But she didn't want to stop. Not now. Not ever. She could go on forever.

And the Room of Requirements listened. The pieces came back together again.

Ria only grew louder, angrier.. so engrossed in her own rush that before she could realise it, there weren't spells leaving her mouth.

"Weak." She grumbled, kicking aside the head of a death-eater and pushing a new one into the wall.

"Undeserving—" A clean cut through a sculpture.

"Miserable—" The pieces flying into the wall to the other side of the room, breaking into more. "Spineless!"

A mechanical death-eater's spell almost hit her, and without needing to utter one word, a gush of power left her wand and crumbled it down to pieces.

"Pathetic. Pathetic! Pathetic— Goddamnit!" She shrieked.

"Crying like a goddamn child, all the fucking time!" She laughed at the irony, knowing damn well she was crying at the moment too. "And you expect to win? Set things right? Come on!"

"When are you going to do one thing right?! What are you doing here?! You almost deserve that Curse, Merlin! Why aren't you fucking de—" She turned to another target, but the spell that left her wand came with such force that it pushed her back too, tossing her on the ground.

She groaned, rubbing her face with frustration before her knuckles punched at the ground. Though a piece of something piercing between the bone made her wince.

Ria sat up on her knees, taking a moment to breathe before pulling the piece out. "Ow.." She frowned, examining the wound right before spotting something that made her forget the burn.

Her fingertips were black.

But she didn't feel the Obscurus crawl.. like she always did.

She held her hand up in better light, in slight wonder. Why didn't she feel uneasy?

Ria pushed herself off the ground and on her feet again. She almost felt a bit of excitement but no. Don't get hopeful. Not that quickly.

Taking the fighting stance, she stood in front of a death-eater. She prepared the spell in her mind, forbidding her mouth from muttering the incantation.

The death-eater went up in flames. And her shoulders dropped with disappointment— no. No, no, wait!

"Could it be..?" She took a moment again, this time trying to get no spell in her mind.. only a part of her fury, and the intent to attack and possibly burn down everything in the room.

And with a flick, the gust of wind came again, pushing her back just a little as it dented the cushioned wall beside the burning machine.

The wand fell from her hand. She stood there gaping at that dent, tears brimming her eyes.

Is this.. Is this some..

Her mother came to her mind.. the glorious way that she handled her magic. And Ria immediately took her stance, as if it had been engraved in the back of her head.

She mimicked the way Isabella moved her hand, and then pushed it outward. But nothing happened.

She almost fell to the ground again. Almost thought of calling herself gullible again. Almost beat herself up for thinking it was so easy until—

The wand. Her instinct screamed.

And suddenly, she was twelve again, asking her mother about wizards and witches.

Wands make it easier.. she remembered. Easier to handle magic when you know nothing at first.

No matter if it's twisted and dark.. Obscurus is still made of magic entirely.

She picked it up almost too quickly and pointed it to the still-burning death-eater, and it slid back to the wall, its arm falling off.

"No. No. Stronger." She reminded herself. "Maybe I can use my second hand too."

It felt weird; using her left hand too, as if she was the conductor of some choir.

But it came again— the wind.

This time, it held the death-eater against the wall, and when Ria lifted both her arms, it flew to the ceiling, scraping off against something before falling to the ground and shattering to pieces.

Before she could help it, a chuckle of disbelief left her mouth. She had been looking at the mess on the floor with such awe that she had to remind herself to breathe again.

She let her wand down by her side, covering her mouth with her other hand as she looked at the ceiling.

I had almost.. I had..

She wailed, the hand barely keeping her grief muffled— but she wailed.

She had wanted to do that for a long time now. Cry out of relief.

But she couldn't.. not just yet. Because she could still feel it a little.. like the feeling of experiencing your magic for the first time. The newness of it.

Her black in her fingertips was spreading down her fingers. And she panicked again. "No— No, come on— not yet—"

She tried to let the gust of wind out again, but gasped for it was made of black dust now.

For a moment, Ria only stared, not knowing how to feel. She had heard about how her Obscurus had looked that day from others many times. But it was the first time she was seeing it.

She only came back to reality when it fought against her control, making her hiss with struggle. But it stirred and stirred, almost too stubbornly.

No. You'll do as I say. Ria glared up at it, eyes threatening to glow Azrael's golden.

It spurred again, with a hearable roar from the wind within. She forced it back, trying to hold it at her will. It was strong. It was stubborn.

It flipped the cards against her.

It erupted out of her with such force, Ria felt herself weaken. She stumbled back on the floor, fighting to keep her eyes open.

And she did keep her eyes open, with determination, until the lack of energy hit her and blew the daylights out of her.

Some hours later, when she woke up, she found herself in a very familiar place.

It was the hospital wing, if you hadn't guessed already.

The very first sight that had greeted her was the almost unbothered look on Madam Pomfrey's face.

"Oh.. Hello?" Ria forced a smile, but the maiden only shook her head.

"Am I disappointed? Yes. On the other hand, am I surprised? No."

And Ria could do nothing but nod. What time was it again, of her ending up in the hospital wing?

She didn't remember.

Ria pursed her lips, nodding. "Yeah.. yeah, sorry. Yeah."

The matron only sighed, shaking her head. "Now, I have no idea what you'd been doing.. but it seems that you fainted.. you should probably eat the fruits and toast your friends left here." She pointed at the table beside her. "And you had a sprained ankle and cut into your knuckle, which have been healed already, while you were asleep."

"Thank you." She muttered, a little embarrassed, although it felt like she'd never been this happy in a long time.

"And you have a note, from the Head of your House."

Ria picked it up from beside the tray of fruits and opened it. And her eyes opened wide. "I'm sorry, what time is it?"

"Quarter to eight."

"Shit—" The blanket flew off her body and she attempted to leave the bed, but couldn't, no matter how much she tried. "What the—"

"You're not leaving until you eat." said Pomfrey.

Ria gave her a look of disbelief. "Oh, come on! I have a match in less than three hours! I have to go meet Sev— Professor Snape!"

"Well, you better hurry and eat up then." With a smile, she left, and Ria groaned into her hands.

Two jam-filled toasts, two bananas and an apple later, when whatever jinx Pomfrey had put on her finally lifted, she left her bed and hurried to Snape's office with his note clutched in her hand.

She opened the office door without knocking, and found him all formally dressed, sitting behind his desk with a newspaper in his hand. He raised an eyebrow at her presence.

"What the hell do you mean by this?" She asked.

'Miss. Edwards,
It is quite a displeasure to inform you that your inconsiderate actions have resulted in you being replaced for the first match of the season against Gryffindor. Your team members were informed about your condition around midnight. And they have decided as follows:
Amelia Henry, as the Vice Captain, would be leading the team. Maryam Shafiq will be temporarily taking your position as the Keeper. While Judas Harper would take her place as the Seeker.
Know that they are prepared for the match either way, with or without your presence, and wish you well.
— Severus Snape.'

"Read the first sentence again." He told her. "You are not participating in the first match."

"But I'm okay now." She defended. "I'm fit enough. I'll play."

"No. You will not." He said simply.

She stared at him, offended. "Why not?"

And he kept the newspaper aside before strolling towards her. "Because it's time you know that there are consequences to your actions."

She laughed incredulously. "What actions? What did I even do?"

"Inconsiderately practising with something as dangerous as an Obscurus, all alone, on your own— don't you ever consider thinking about what you do, in a more thorough manner?"

Ria scoffed out a laugh in disbelief. "What do you expect me to do, then? I can't do shit any other way!"

"And I'm not threatening anyone in the castle, by the way. I've told Fawkes to turn me back if I ever accidentally break out of the Room of Requirements. But I haven't yet. And I have done this two other times, and have not fainted once. Yesterday was just by chance!"

"Still. It was a mistake on your side. And you will pay for that." He concluded, walking to his table to pour himself a cup of tea. "It could have resulted in something serious. Be grateful it didn't."

"You may be my godfather, but you don't have the right to act like you care when you didn't come to see me even once after Mum's death."

Severus paused for a moment, then continued as if nothing had happened. "My decision is final. You will not participate in today's match."

"What if I go anyway?" She asked stubbornly.

"Then I will, personally, ban you from Quidditch for the rest of your time at Hogwarts."

Ria threw a glare at him before turning away to walk back outside. "Fine."

"Just because you have a life that's a little bit harder than others, doesn't mean others don't have the right to be upset. And just because you can, doesn't mean you always should." He said monotonously. "I think it is time you realise that."

Ria only cursed him furthermore. Damn you and whatever words of wisdom you wanna use to try and make me feel guilty.

And congratulations. Because they might have fucking worked.

Asteria didn't waste another moment to rush to the Dungeons. Once she entered, she found a buzz of students scattered around the Slytherin common room.

Some greeted her, asked her about the preparations, wished her luck but she only dodged them or brushed them away in order to find her team. But she couldn't spot them still.

Finally, she climbed up a few stairs to the boys dorm rooms and looked at the crowd.

"Slytherin Quidditch team!" She yelled, and several familiar heads turned to look at her. She pointed her thumb up the stairs, and then proceeded to go to Blaise and Theodore's dorm.

She was almost surprised to find Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle sitting in there. They stared back at her with the same expression.

She hadn't been there for a long time, and had forgotten that the five shared the dorm room. "Don't mind me, really." She waved her hand dismissively, but then saw Malfoy leave with a huff, his two bodyguards following him.

"Ria!" Amelia was too quick to take her in a hug. "Hey! How have you been? We heard you fell sick again."

Ria pursed her lips with disappointment. "No, I'm okay now.. even though I still can't play today. But I'm definitely going to watch it. No doubts about that. Where is Blaise?"

"Why are you looking at me? As if I'd know.." Theodore shrugged, but then his gaze turned softer. "You are alright though.. aren't you?"

"I am. I am, I promise." She said.

"He actually was going to meet you, the last time I saw him." Amelia informed.

"Right. Okay. No problem. Let him know what I tell you all." They nodded. "I just wanted to say that I trust you all to put up a tough fight today. It's only that I want to change the gameplay for the team.. just a little."

"Change the gameplay.. now?"

Ria nodded. "As much as I love this team and think that we could win the Cup. I just.. think that the possibility that we win today's match, is low."

They all stared at her. "Okay. Ouch."

She sighed. "I don't mean it in that way, Clea. You know it." She shook her head. "I admit that we have the best scorers this season. But even if we manage to score, Harry Potter will catch that snitch and Gryfindor will win the match."

"One option we have is that we don't let the Gryffindors score at all.. while exceeding the 150 point mark, but—"

"Ginny's on that team. And so is Ron." muttered Amelia.

"Exactly." She pointed out. "So.. what I'm thinking is.. let's not be so keen on winning this match."

The team exchanged glances between themselves. "I promise, this makes sense in my head. Just give me two days and I'll draw out the plan for you all to see—"

"No, no. Scratch that." Raywood interrupted. "I'm sure we can work that out later. What about today's match?"

Ria exhaled quickly. "Maryam's playing Keeper, and Judas's playing Seeker, right?" They nodded. "Switch."

Suddenly Judas felt as though the earth should open wide and swallow him whole. "What? No! I'll only let the goals in!"

"No, you won't. I've seen you practise." She said calmly, then turned to Maryam. "I need you to be prepared as a Seeker for the next matches. And the best way to do it is playing against the current best Seeker of Hogwarts."

Maryam seemed to contemplate for a while, and then nodded. "Okay.. Alright."

Ria gave a singular nod. "Good. Now.." she looked at Amelia. "Are you okay with these changes?"

Amelia scoffed. "Pfft— of course! Not a word against you, my Captain." She winked.

Ria nodded again, grinning. "Right, then. Have a good game, all of you."

And to Ria's slight horror, that was almost exactly how the match had turned out to be. Gryffindor had won. Harry had caught the Snitch. Ginny had scored almost unstoppably even though Judas had managed to stop more than half the goal attempts of their Chasers.

If anything, she was impressed. Harper was quick at adapting. The Fawley siblings had wonderful coordination— they'd interrupted several good passes. Amelia and Blaise had only gotten better; she could see Raywood watching them keenly and trying to keep up.

And against Maryam, Harry had caught the snitch almost as quickly as Ria had expected. But she could see the bitter look on her Seeker's face, and that was a good start.

But the most surprising, yet wonderful thing about the match, had been Ron's performance.

He had smashed it. He had never played that well before.

So that led Ria right to the Gryffindor common room, to celebrate their— or mostly his success.. even though she was slightly bitter.

"You don't have to.. you know?" Hermione said to her.

"No— No. I'm happy for them, really!" She was smiling so hard, her cheeks were hurting.

For Salazar's sake, she was such a hater.

"You know.. the thing about Snape punishing you.."

Ria looked at her dubious look. "Oh.. yeah. That was completely true." She nodded.

Hermione didn't look convinced. "Was it?" She asked sincerely. "You weren't hurt or anything, were you?" She whispered.

"Nope." she answered. "I just.. did something that pissed Severus off.. even though he had no right to get pissed off." Ria added quickly, under her breath. "But that doesn't matter now, does it? What's done is done."

Now the only thing left to figure out is how I make the damn plan of taking the Quidditch Cup this year.

Visions, nightmares.. mysteries about Lagarde.. the Curse: both on her and on the world.. studies.. and now this. Was she going to have to rub her head against a sandpaper now to get through all of this?

Her shoulders slumped then. There was no way she could give up on any of those..

Asteria groaned, looking up at the decorated ceiling before remembering that she wasn't alone.

Hermione had been looking at her with a.. well.. interesting expression. "Oh.. sorry, did I weird you out?" asked Ria.

"No.. No, of course not!" Hermione shook her head, pursing her lips into a smile. "I'll— I'll be back, yeah? In a while."

She made her way through the crowd, from the corner of the room to the middle, where everyone had been celebrating the team's— especially Ron's— victory.

"You shouldn't have done it." She said to Harry, standing beside him as they both watched Ron talking to his other team members, laughing.

"Done what?" He asked, almost cockily.

Hermione raised an eyebrow. "You know what!" She whispered, as if he'd forgotten the part where he had tipped the little vial of Felix Felicis over Ron's drink.

"So.. I suppose confunding competition is acceptable now?" He asked, crossing his arms.

Scarlet rushed to her cheeks. "That was different." She tried to justify. "Those were only tryouts. And besides, even you don't like McLaggen that mu—"

"I didn't do it."

Hermione halted, blinking slowly. "What?"

Harry grinned, shaking his head as he turned to his front. "You heard me."

"But I saw you—"

"I was only pretending."

"Come on!" Hermione hissed. "The weather was good today. Our team was in peak condition. And Ria wasn't playing? The conditions were too ideal to be coincidental, don't you think?"

Harry rolled his eyes, and with a sigh, pulled the sealed, completely filled vial out of his pocket, flaunting it in front of her. "You really didn't do it.."

"Not at all."

She then looked at Ron, with realisation dawning over. "Whatever Ron did.. he did it on his own."

He nodded, putting the vial back inside. "Yup." He sighed. "I knew he could do it.. just needed a little confidence."

Hermione smiled softly. "Ria not playing really gave him that boost, huh?" She chuckled, and Harry agreed with a nod.

"Yeah.. she does that to people." He said. "If I didn't know her, I would be scared of her too."

Hermione squinted her eyes. "What do you mean? You are scared of her. And you've been best friends for years."

He scoffed. "No, I'm not."

"You are."

"Am not."

"Oh, so you're telling me you're not the one who dreamed of her in a pretty red dress, chasing you off with a dagger in her hand?"

Harry gave her an incredulous look, then shut his eyes. "He told you.. oh, that redheaded arsehole.." He whispered under his breath. Hermione couldn't stop laughing now. "I'm not helping him out ever again."

"Sure." She shrugged, her eyes looking around the room and resting on Ron again. The smile didn't stay though. "Harry.." She called out. "Ria told me she apparently pissed Snape off and he banned her off for one game."

Harry had been staring into the distance, though his gaze softened at the thought of her. He hummed in response.

"Do you think she's telling the truth?"

"Why wouldn't she be?" He answered.

Hermione tilted her head, watching him and the way his expression changed ever so slightly. His mind seemed distracted.

Moreover, he definitely knew something she didn't.

He wouldn't tell her— she was sure. So, she thought it was better if she wouldn't ask anyway.

He suddenly seemed to come back to his senses then, lifting his head and looking around the room. He stopped then, staring at something. A muscle in his jaw twitched. "I'll be back in a minute."

She followed his gaze, and her mouth opened in surprise too. "Harry, please don't do anything reckless—"

"He won't need to worry if he's behaving." He said before walking off.

Ria stayed around the corner of the room, quietly sipping her butterbeer. She'd talk to some other students once in a while, discussing the match, listening and smiling when some of them said they'd missed watching her play.

Or maybe they just felt pitiful after Umbridge 'falsely' accused her out of 'her own jealousy'.

God, Dumbledore had wondrous ideas sometimes.

"Asteria."

She almost turned with a smile, but then saw Louis Bonheur. Her expression turned colder, almost resembling the colour of her eyes. She turned her attention to her front again.

"Right.." he sighed, standing a bit farther, but still beside her. "I figured.. you'd have that reaction."

"You figured?" she asked sarcastically.

"I—" he sighed with exasperation. "I.. don't know how to explain it.. without sounding like a— a really bad liar, I swear—"

"Then don't."

"No! No. I have to." He stressed, and she could feel his eyes baring into the side of her head. "Please.."

"That day at Hogsmeade.. it wasn't me," said Bonheur, and Ria almost felt anger rise up her nerves.

She rolled her eyes instead. "Cry me a river."

"No— Godric— Asteria!"

"What the hell—" He had grabbed her elbow, spinning her around to make her face him. "What's wrong with you?!"

But then her frustration almost vanished. His eyes were glossing.

"Someone was in my head." He whispered. There was anger behind it. "Someone is in my head. They won't go away."

Ria blinked. "What— What do you mean?"

"They keep whispering. They won't leave me alone." A tear slipped down his cheek. "Whatever they tell me, I do— I can't stop."

"Bonh—"

"It wasn't me. I could never hurt you.. They— They made me do it.." He said, his grip tightened.

She looked around. No one seemed to be noticing the interaction between them. "Stop— Stop, Louis. You're hurting me."

He smiled then, gently. And it was as if she was back to her fourth year again.. with sweet, kind Louis Bonheur, who'd blushed at almost everything she said.

"It sounds so sweet coming out of your mouth.. my name." His hand ghosted over her cheek, but he hesitantly took it back. "I.. I cared for you.. more than I did for anyone. I never meant to hurt you. It wasn't me."

"Please, help me. I can't stop hearing their voice."

Ria could hear her heartbeat in her ears. Why is he telling me this now? Is he telling the truth? Is he trying to deceive me? Is Carrow trying to deceive me through him? Is he Carrow?

Why does this all feel so unreal?!

Then all of a sudden, the chaos in her mind quieted. She looked around the room again.. and found that the feeling was familiar.

"This isn't real."

Suddenly, Louis wasn't crying. She wasn't even facing him. The crowd in the Gryffindor room was still lively and wild.

Like that day of the first ever DA meeting.

"What?" She looked at him again. He was beside her, just like before. "No.. no, I'm— I'm telling the truth.. It.. it wasn't me. I don't know what came over me.. or maybe just something inside me came out and I'm refusing to take the blame.. but I—" he sighed again. "I never meant to hurt you."

"What are you playing at?" She asked.. she didn't know to whom she did: Bonheur or Carrow.

"No.. I— I don't— I didn't.." Bonheur looked down, as if trying to put his thoughts into better words. "I don't want anything.. I'm not asking for a second chance, or anything like that. I just.. wanted you to know.. this."

It took her a moment to come back to reality and hesitantly nod. "Okay.."

He pursed his lips into a smile and nodded then— "Any interesting topic of discussion going on here?"

They both turned to face Harry, and Louis took a step back, raising his hands in defence. "Just a talk, Potter."

"Well, I hope so." He commented.

"We really were.. just talking." said Ria, taking his attention. "Nothing too serious."

Harry then nodded, biting the inside of his cheek before looking at Bonheur again. "Haynes was looking for you, by the way." He told him.

She wasn't.

"Okay.. where is she?"

Harry shrugged. "No clue."

Louis huffed, nodding and taking the hint. "Right— yeah. I'll leave, then."

Once he was far enough, Ria looked at him. "Actually.. where is Celine? And why'd she tell you to find Louis?"

Harry had the weird urge to tease her for some reason.. ask her if she was jealous. But she'd probably glare at him if he did. Maybe smack him too.

"Let's move to more important things, shall we?" He said. "What were you talking about?"

Ria stared at him, confused. "Things."

Harry blinked. "Things?"

She nodded. "Yeah. We needed to.. sort some things out."

Something churned in his stomach.. or in his heart. "Did you? Sort things out?" They'd looked pretty calm while talking.

Ria took a suspicious pause before shrugging. "Maybe? I hope so."

Harry nodded slowly. "You hope so..?"

She wouldn't do that.. would she?

"Yeah. Why?"

He pursed his lips, shaking his head slowly. "Nothing. Just asking."

Ria tilted her head, watching as looked ahead, eyes roaming around in the crowd to find particularly knowing. She wondered what was on his mind.

Just then, a loud roar erupted, and when she looked ahead too, her jaw dropped to the floor.

Lavender Brown had latched herself onto Ron like a leech. The only difference was that she wasn't sucking his blood.. she was snogging him. It was difficult to tell whose arms started where.

"That idiot.." she heard Harry hiss.

Just then they saw a familiar figure storm out of the room. Harry followed her outside, passing Romilda Vane and her sickly sweet voice when she tried to talk to him.

"Hermione?"

He found her in the first unlocked classroom he tried. She was sitting on the teacher's desk, alone except for a small ring of twittering yellow birds circling her head, which she had clearly just conjured out of midair. Harry could not help admiring her spell-work at a time like this.

"Oh, hello, Harry," she said in a brittle voice. "I was just.. practising."

"Yeah.. they're— er— really good.." said Harry.

He had no idea what to say to her. But Godric, Ron was such an oblivious git. He had had no right to call him that when they'd been fourteen.. At least he used to openly flirt with the girl he liked.

"Ron seems to be enjoying the celebrations."

"Er.. does he?" said Harry, hoping he'd lead her away from the point.

"Don't pretend you didn't see him," said Hermione. "He wasn't exactly hiding it, was—?"

The door behind them burst open. To Harry's horror, Ron came in, laughing, pulling Lavender by the hand. 

"Oh," he said, drawing up short at the sight of Harry and Hermione.

"Oops!" said Lavender, and she backed out of the room, giggling. The door swung shut behind her.

There was a horrible, swelling, billowing silence. Hermione was staring at Ron, who refused to look at her, but said with an odd mixture of bravado and awkwardness, "Hi, Harry! Wondered where you'd got to!"

Hermione slid off the desk. The little flock of golden birds continued to twitter in circles around her head. "You shouldn't leave Lavender waiting outside," she said quietly. "She'll wonder where you've gone."

"Oh, no— really, we're just—"

"Oppugno!"

And suddenly, the golden birds were speeding like a hail of golden bullets towards Ron, who yelped and covered his face with his hands, but the birds kept attacking him.

"Gerremoffme!" he yelled, running away and disappearing outside the door.

There was a moment of silence. Hermione huffed. "That felt good." 

Harry didn't know what to say, but felt glad when Hermione breathed in shakily before speaking up again. "You know.. that moment you realised how much you liked Ria.. and then saw her go to the Ball with Louis Bonheur.. watched her laugh and dance with him."

No, he was not glad that Hermione had chosen to speak up.

"I think I know how you felt, now.."

Harry pursed his lips, giving her a singular nod.

The door behind them creaked open, and Ria peeked inside, breathing out with relief after spotting them.

"Sorry— got caught up with Blaise." She said, rushing towards them.

"Zabini? Wasn't he bitter about losing the match?" asked Harry incredulously. "What was he doing at the party?"

Ria rolled her eyes. "He wasn't there for the party, he came looking for me."

Harry blinked. "Why?"

"Because we're friends and we hang out often, like normal people do." She replied wittily before turning back to the furious girl. "Honestly, Hermione, he's just an—"

"Arsehole? Idiot? Oblivious git?" She asked, sniffing. "Yeah, I know."

Ria fell silent then, not knowing what to say either, but Hermione broke the silence anyway. "You know.. I appreciate you two— I really do, but maybe I just need a little space."

"Oh, yeah—"

"We understand!"

"Uh huh."

"Definitely— no worries at all."

They took one final glance at each other and turned back. But they couldn't miss the sob that erupted inside the empty classroom after they had shut the door behind them.

They walked away from the classroom, from the party in the Gryffindor common room even, through a deserted corridor when Ria finally sighed.

"I had such high hopes from Ron."

"He's just being petty," said Harry. "He had an argument with Ginny when he caught her snogging Dean. And Ginny.. well.. she—"

"Went off about his non-existent dating life?"

Harry smiled. "Yeah.. kind of."

"Still." She insisted. "He could've snogged Hermione instead. Could've won the argument against Ginny and gotten his girl. You can do two things at once."

He forced a chuckle. You don't say..

"What?"

He slowed down a little, eyes wide that quickly returned back to their relaxed state as he sensed her eyes on him.

He hadn't meant to say it out loud.

"You know what I mean." he mumbled anyway.

"No, I don't." She said, stopping in her tracks and holding his wrist to stop him too. "What do you mean?"

Harry continued to walk, dragging her with him by surprise. "I asked you—" She emphasised, and with a bit of a struggle, managed to stop him again. "— to tell me what you meant."

"Oh, you'd like to know?" He asked with a mocking laugh as he looked down at her. "I meant that you're a hypocrite and a goddamn coward."

Ria stared at him, speechless. Sure, she'd heard it from different people before.. from her own close friends too, but..

But hearing him say that made something in her stomach churn.

"Take it back."

"Why would I?"

"You take that back." She pointed a threatening finger at his chest.

"And what if I don't?" He bellowed. "What will you do then, huh? Abandon me and disappear again? Like you did some months before?"

Oh.. so that was what it was all about.

"Merlin!" She laughed. "I thought you understood damn well why I did all of that! Here I was thinking that we let that shit go like mature fucking people!"

"Let that shit go like mature fucking people?" He asked, staring in disbelief. "Oh, I'm sorry— that it isn't as easy for me as it is for you."

His words hurt. They hurt so bad. "Easy for me? Yes, of course, it was easy for me— leaving behind all the things that mattered to me the most—"

"You shouldn't have, then." He said stubbornly.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't want the people I love to fucking suffer and die!" She bellowed, eyes glossing with tears. "I'm sorry I chose to not keep them around and let them suffer the consequences of my fate instead—"

"Not that again—" He laughed again, mockingly. "There's a war happening, Ria. And that's what wars do. They make people fucking suffer and die."

"What am I supposed to do then?" She asked, frowning. "Just— Just ignore whatever my Curse is doing, watch with silent bliss and blame the war for it? 'Oh, I'm sorry that my Obscurus attacked you! The war is ruthless—' is that how you want me to behave?!"

"For fuck's sake—" he exhaled deeply, looking up at the ceiling before down at her again. "Do you see the people around you? They know everything about you.. and they still don't want to give up!" 

He had tried to tell her that so many times.. everyone had. But she was just so damn stubborn and infuriating.

"So you have no right to tell them that they should be the one leaving when they don't want to give up!"

Ria's bottom lip quivered.

She had heard it all too many times..

Ackerman's hunger.. the blood he had shed in the castle of Hogwarts of those who were supposedly his brothers, his sisters and his children. Him cursing thousands of generations to come.. still living on alongside the souls he had tainted forever.

Morrigan suffering all her life because of him.. destroying everything she wished to preserve and the guilt forever eating at her. And the world never knew of her sacrifices, her suffering, but only of the crimes Ackerman made her commit.

Lagarde trying to prove herself all her life.. doing everything she could to end the suffering only to be deemed the cause of each and every one of them..

Isabella receiving the love she always wanted only to have it violently and ruthlessly taken away from her.

And Asteria having found her dreams and everything she wanted to save.. only to find out that she would never live long enough to..

Tears blurred her vision in anger.. in realisation.

Hunger for power.. for preservation.. for acceptance.. for love.. for dreams..

Maybe that was their Curse.. Hunger.

And it would never.. ever be satiated.

The colour of Azraels did not deserve to be the radiant gold it was.

It deserved to be red.. for the blood that was shed.. for the anger that had been deemed unworthy.. for the dreams that had died, been massacred and buried.

"I.." she whispered, trying to find something in his eyes that would repulse her maybe.. make it all easier for her.

Why was he like that?

Though she only turned away, walking in the direction of her dorm. "I don't care. Do what you want with tha—"

He grabbed her wrist and spun her around. "I fucking do, Ria! I care! I care than more than anything or anyone!"

She looked at the ceiling with exasperation, tiredness, frustration— everything. "Then stop it! If it bothers you that much! Stop caring!"

"I can't!" He breathed out. "I can't— because I've been in love with you since forever!"

A strangled gasp left her throat.

She watched him.. waiting. Waiting for the look of regret.. or anything that said that he hadn't meant it. That it had been a mistake.

It never came.

She balled her fists at her side. "You don't mean that.." she chuckled weakly. He's only saying that because he thinks he's lonely.. or something like that—

"Listen to me." He said softly, holding both her hands. But she stubbornly shook her head, refusing to meet his eyes.

"I don't want to."

"You're right. I didn't mean that."

His whisper almost broke her heart.. crushed her soul to dust.

"But listen to me." He began. "There's.. There's a blank parchment paper lying on the desk back in my room in Privet Drive. It laid there for almost a month.. collecting dust because I was— I was so damn angry at you. And not because you left me that day." He shook his head, gulping. "But because there was this idea.. in your head, that I was surely, going to abandon you, one day."

"I make witty comments to get you out of your thoughts just because I knew you'd try to think of some comeback instead and get out of that hellhole of your mind— for a little while at least."

She knew. She wished he didn't do that. He sounded mean, but he was always leading her away from something destructive.

"I specifically asked Dumbledore to not call you for sessions with me.. not only because they'd tire you out.. but also because then I'd get some sort of excuse to talk to you."

"I've been trying so hard.. to keep an eye on you, making sure that I'd be there to defend you when you're the least aware of what's going on around you."

"I came to get you that night.. on Halloween, because I couldn't stay back and do nothing while you were out God knew where— and then I— then I stayed up all night, with that damn enchanted ceiling above your head. You didn't— You didn't get to see it because you just had to wake up right when I fell asleep.."

"I've been looking out for you.. whenever you're near.. whenever you refuse to be.. whenever you're not. Because I'd probably kill myself if anything happened to you again—"

"Stop that." She whispered feebly.

"I followed you.. to the Room of Requirements, waited there until I could hear you come out. When you didn't, I almost reduced that wall to pieces but it opened a door and I saw you and— you were—"

"You were there.. lying unconscious." His voice trembled. "And I almost lost my damn mind right then and there."

"And everything you say— you tell me, goes on and on around in my mind for days, months, years— like the thing you said about the stars. You told me that night, when we slept under the enchanted ceiling in the Great Hall that I'd find my star, my person—"

His hands left her, and she almost chased them with her own before they pulled a glistening chain out of his t-shirt. The familiarity of it struck her like an arrow. She stared at it, her heart pouring out through her eyes.

"I've been holding on to— to this, like it's the only thing— like it's the only gravity left tying you to me, but—"

Harry stepped away. "But okay.. it's okay if you want to hear different. I'll say it." He looked at her sincerely. "I didn't mean it."

"I didn't mean it when I told you.. that I've been in love with you."

There wasn't a single tear in his eyes.. but she'd never seen any with such sincerity before. So much of it that she could be drowned and drenched in it.. and there would still be oceans to spare.

She hated it. She hated him. 

She hated him so damn much, she turned right around to storm off to her dorm room. But her legs weren't carrying there and she knew it. But she didn't stop.

When she finally did, she was in the Astronomy Tower.. after months.

It was a fresh breathe of air she found there. Though it came with an overwhelming, nauseous wave of memories.

She let it torment her for a while as she sat against the railing, staring out at the scenery over the mountains.

Then it hit her like a thunderstorm.. she choked out a sob just to breathed it back in, hold it in, trying to convince herself that it didn't matter to her.

But it kept coming back.. the ache at the back of her throat.. the ache in her heart.. the urge to cry until she was drained and damned.

She searched around her own neck for her chain, and then fished out the ring, holding it gently in her hand. It brought back the way he had showed her how he still wore her gift.. telling her all the things she'd always remember and cherish.

His star. His person. 

That's what he had called her.. without knowing he'd been that long before.

And now she'd never be the first one to say it.

God, she hated Harry Potter so much.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

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