𝐂𝐑𝐎𝐒𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐒.
chapter forty-six; Faith And Change
" She changed something in you, didn't she? "

THE GROUPS RETURNED with an abundance of water and food and rather quickly, the night descended into a scene more like old times than Vex could fathom. They'd set up a buffet of food, opened wine, lit candles; there was conversation and laughter and a brief reprieve from the life they had been living.

But Vex couldn't help to notice Gabriel's distance from the group.

"Not hungry?"

Gabriel looked up as Vex claimed the seat beside him, holding a plate full of food out. The man held up his wine, sipping it as Vex let out a chuckle.

"Never met a priest like you before."

"You're religious?"

"I have faith, yeah," Vex nodded, chewing, "Not like you, I don't think."

"How do you mean?"

Vex stared at him for a moment, before turning to him fully.

"Well, the way I see it," She started, "God doesn't control us like pawns on a chessboard. Never heard the man talk or felt his spirit pushing me toward something. See, I was raised Baptist, went to church every Sunday, the whole thing. . . I also think that the Bible was written a very long time ago, and that a lotta those rules become. . . obsolete."

Gabriel looked somewhere between shocked and interested at her words, so she continued.

"Getting divorced, loving someone that's the same gender as you-- hell, some of the people I grew up with said drinking was a sin," Vex laughed, shaking her head, but she seemed to sober up after a moment, "I was in the military. I've killed people before. I don't think even that makes me a sinner."

"So. . . what do you believe?"

"I believe God is something we can't ever comprehend, not entirely. I don't think he can control us, because if he could, there'd be no 'sin', would there? No wars, no arguments. I don't think half the sins are sins because the world has gotten a lot more complicated than it was back then. . . But I believe there is a reason why things work out. I believe there's a reason why certain people come into your life, a reason why it rains and snows, a reason why the sun shines so brightly. I believe. . . in kindness. No matter what people might think of me, I do. I believe in helping others, and I believe that, at its core, is all religion is about. Helping one another, finding peace in life and death, finding community and love. . ."

Vex blew out a long breath, taking another bite of her dinner.

"I believe there have been many times in my life where I questioned if He was there at all," She admitted, "If He was, why He was lettin' me go through what I was going through. But I remind myself, it's not about what He's doing for me. It ain't. It's about having someone to talk to when you're alone. Someone to thank for the world we have. It's about knowing love even if you don't know it anywhere else. It's about having somebody to make proud, and someone to greet you when you leave this life. At least, that's what it is for me."

  "And what about all of this?" Gabriel asked.

  "The world ending?" She clarified, "I don't think it's an act of God if that's what you're asking. I don't know what it is. But what I do know, is it doesn't change the fact that I believe He's real. That's just what I believe."

Vex shrugged as if the words she'd spoken weren't nearly as heavy as they were, taking another bite of baked beans on her plate.

"Get some food," Vex nodded, "Give our people a chance. You never know what might come of it."

Vex stood, patting his shoulder as she departed, a smile falling onto her face as she spotted Zeppelin squished into Daryl's side, the two sitting on the ground, leaning against the side of a pew, speaking sporadically in between bites.

"Hey, baby," Vex smiled, ruffling Zeppelin's hair as she claimed a spot on the ground beside her. "You get enough to eat?"

"Mhm," Zeppelin smiled, "I think if we keep eatin' like this, I'll be taller than you soon."

Vex smiled at the idea, wrapping an arm around her daughter.

"Hey, I had a question for y'all," Zeppelin said, sitting up straighter.

Vex furrowed her brows, glancing at Daryl who was clearly just as confused as she was.

"What's goin' on, Zep?" Daryl asked, looking at the girl.

Zeppelin looked at her plate for a moment, pushing baked beans around on the ceramic dish before speaking.

"Well. . . I was just. . . I been thinkin' about Bethie a lot. . ."

A frown carved its way onto Vex's face instantly.

"I was just wondering if you guys think. . . that maybe we would find her again."

Of course, Vex wanted to say. Of course, they would find Beth and she would be fine and everything would go back to normal.

But she didn't know. Because they didn't know who had taken her or why or where she might be. Because the group had been so focused on surviving they couldn't fathom going on a manhunt without a single clue as to where to begin.

"If she's out there, we'll find her."

Zeppelin looked at Daryl quickly, but his eyes were focused on his plate, picking at the small remnants of food left.

"You think?"

"Yeah."

The girl smiled weakly, understanding this was the only assurance she would gain in the moment. But it was enough. To know her hope wasn't alone, at least.

"I think I'm gonna get more corn," Zeppelin said, "Do you need anything, Mom?"

"No, honey, I'm alright."

Zeppelin nodded, pushing herself up and approaching the food once again.

Vex set her plate on the ground beside her, resting her head back against the pew as she watched her daughter elbow in between Dean and Abraham, the men both unable to hold back smiles as she spoke.

"You know, I didn't know how close she was with Beth."

"As close as she is with Dean and Maggie," Vex nodded, "But I think she had that. . . Beth was closer to her age but still old enough that there was adoration there, you know? Zep wanted to be like her, dress like her-- she's the reason Zep got into drawing."

Daryl only nodded.

"She changed something in you, didn't she? Beth, I mean."

He let out a grunt, but Vex scooted closer to him, her arm pressing up against his own.

"If you don't want to talk about it, tell me to shut up," Vex said quietly, "But I can tell something changed."

"Somethin' changed with you, too."

She tilted her head as Daryl turned to face her. She could tell it was half deflection, half honesty, but she gave in regardless.

"There's a lot of shit I never dealt with," Vex breathed out, "Dean doesn't let me play that game. He just. . . helped me realize a lot. About myself, and him, and the people I care about."

Vex pursed her lips, looking back down to her plate.

"Sounds really stupid when I say it like that," She forced out a laugh.

"It's not."

The woman looked back to Daryl, a small smile falling onto her features once she met his eyes.

"I'd like to propose a toast."

Abraham's voice cut through the room, the chatter falling quiet and pulling everyone's attention to him.

"I look around this room. . . and I see survivors. Each and every one of you has earned that title. . . To the survivors."

"To the survivors!"

"Cheers!"

Vex lifted her small glass, clinking it with Daryl's water bottle before raising it to the room. Her eyes landed on Dean, who had his own glass raised, one arm around Zeppelin. He caught her eyes, too, giving his sister a grin before sipping the wine.

"Is that all you wanna be?" Abraham questioned, making the room fall silent again, "Wake up in the morning, fight the undead pricks, forage for food, go to sleep at night with two eyes open, rinse and repeat? 'Cause you can do that. I mean you got the strength. You got the skill. Thing is, for you people, for what you can do, that's just surrender. Now, we get Eugene to Washington and he will make the dead die and the living will have this world again. And that is not a bad takeaway for a little road trip. . . Eugene, what's in DC?"

"Infrastructure constructed to withstand pandemics even of this fubar magnitude," Eugene responded, "That means food, fuel, refuge. Restart."

"However this plays out," Abraham said, "However long it takes for the reset button to kick in, you can be safe there. Safer than you been since this whole thing started. Come with us. Save the world for that little one. Save it for yourselves. Save it for the people out there. . . who got nothin' left to do except survive."

The room was silent. Each person looked around, weighing the words that had been said-- but most, if not all, were waiting on one person's response.

Rick let out a breathy chuckle looking around, focusing on Judith as she let out a small incoherent babble.

"What was that?" He asked his daughter, before looking up, "I think she knows what I'm about to say. She's in. If she's in, I'm in. We're in. Let's do it."

The group let out cheers again, a new sense of connection pulsing through the group as conversations started up again.

"Alright, well," Vex sighed, looking to Daryl, "I got a new deck of cards and Rummy is calling my name, so. . . what'd'ya say?"

Daryl watched the woman pull a faded deck of cards from her pocket, smiling as she did. But he caught sight of something over her shoulder, and his mind changed in an instant.

"Glenn's better at that game," He waved her off as he stood, "I'm gonna take a walk."

Vex furrowed her brows at his abrupt tone change, pushing herself to stand with him.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, just. . . yeah."

Vex stared at him, still trying to pick apart his expression.

But Daryl didn't want to worry Vex, so he hiked his crossbow on his shoulder and patted her shoulder.

"I'll be back."

Vex frowned as he passed, leaving her no room for another word.

She wasn't sure what she had said or done that created his reaction, so Vex reclaimed her seat, mindlessly shuffling the stupid cards.

It was only melancholy for a moment before Dean and Zeppelin joined her with conversation and asked for a game. Soon enough Vex had them, Glenn, and Maggie playing Rummy-- and she tried to enjoy it. She really did.

It was just difficult when her mind lingered on Daryl Dixon.

WORD COUNT: 1870