chapter twenty-four:
❛ unhealthy habits ❜

PLEASE DONT BE A GHOST READER!!!
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tw: self harm and mentions of drugs

the reason i always say "please don't be a ghost reader" it helps me stay motivated because that means people are reading my stuff. and unlike other people, they have so many views on their books and i love to write and it just helps me stay motivated. and i know i unpublish and republish my chapters and i get thats really annoying but its annoying when i see views go up but low on votes. STOP BEING A GHOST READER!!

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It had been two months since Cobra Kai was taken down, but the memories of that final battle still haunted Alessia. The image of Kenny executing the "Silver Bullet" on Robby was burned into her mind. She had been frozen in fear that day, only snapping out of it when Robby collapsed to the floor, gasping for air. Alessia had run to him, kicking Kenny in the face and dropping to her knees to help Robby breathe.

She had saved him that day. But in her dreams, she wasn't fast enough. In her dreams, Robby died.

The nightmares came almost every night now, jolting her awake in a cold sweat. She couldn't shake the guilt, the helplessness, the fear. And on top of all that, she was desperately trying to hold onto her sobriety. Her meetings helped, but they didn't stop the weight pressing down on her.

So Alessia found another way to cope-a secret, unhealthy way. It had started accidentally one night during a particularly bad nightmare. She had been clenching her fists so tightly that one of her nails broke the skin on her finger. The sharp pain had been grounding, and in the following days, she began doing it intentionally. When the anxiety built up, she would press her nail into the same spot until it bled. It became a habit she couldn't stop, even though she knew it was wrong.

Her finger always wore a band-aid now, hiding the scar that never had the chance to fully heal. She told herself no one needed to know-not her mom, her sister, not her therapist, and definitely not Robby.

The first day of senior year was supposed to be exciting, but Alessia felt like she was walking through quicksand. Her mind was clouded, her heart heavy.

In the school bathroom, she leaned against the sink, her reflection staring back at her. Her face looked pale, her eyes tired. Alessia's breathing was shallow as her anxiety crept up again.

Just breathe, she told herself, gripping the edge of the sink. But it wasn't enough.

Her hand instinctively moved to her other hand, her thumb pressing down hard on the familiar spot on her finger. The sharp sting shot through her, and a small bead of blood welled up beneath her nail. Alessia exhaled shakily, her heartbeat slowing as the pain distracted her from everything else.

She grabbed a band-aid from her bag, wrapping it around her finger before wiping the sink clean. As she exited the bathroom, her mind was still racing, but at least her hands had stopped shaking.

When she turned the corner, she almost bumped into Robby, who was leaning casually against the lockers.

"Hey," he said, smiling as he held up a folder. "Guess what?"

Alessia blinked at him, confused for a moment before responding. "What?"

"I'm re-enrolled at West Valley," Robby said, his smile growing wider. "Looks like we're going to school together again."

Alessia forced a smile, though the weight on her chest didn't lift. "That's... that's great, Robby."

He tilted his head, studying her closely. "You okay?"

She nodded quickly, avoiding his gaze. "Yeah, of course. Just first-day jitters, you know?"

Robby didn't look convinced. Ever since the fight at Cobra Kai, he had been keeping a close eye on her. He knew something was wrong, even if Alessia wouldn't admit it.

"Alright," he said slowly, his tone skeptical. Then his expression brightened. "Hey, what are you doing tonight?"

Alessia shrugged. "Nothing, I guess. Why?"

"Great." Robby grinned. "Because we're going on a date."

Her eyes widened slightly, but before she could respond, Robby added, "Well, it's not a date date. Miguel and Tory are coming too."

"What?" Alessia asked, her confusion turning into disbelief.

"It's just a hangout," Robby said casually, leaning back against the lockers. "Miguel's dating Sam, obviously, so this isn't about that. It's more like... getting you and Tory to be friends."

Alessia's jaw dropped. "Wait, what?"

Robby smirked at her reaction, his playful tone making it clear he wasn't taking no for an answer. "I'll pick you up at seven," he said, pushing off the lockers and walking away before she could argue.

"Robby!" Alessia called after him, but he just waved over his shoulder.

She stood there, staring after him, her emotions a chaotic mix of frustration, anxiety, and something else she couldn't quite place.

Friends with Tory? Alessia thought, shaking her head. The day was only just beginning, but it was already turning out to be more than she'd bargained for.

As Hawk and Demetri stood side by side, their proud smiles matched the eager tension in the room. The dojo was filled with a mix of excitement, curiosity, and that ever-present sense of anticipation. The covered board in front of them was a mystery, its contents hidden from the eager eyes of the gathered crowd. Alessia and Robby exchanged excited glances, both of them buzzing with anticipation. They had been part of this journey-the transformation of Cobra Kai into something new, something better. And now, it was time for the reveal.

Hawk, or rather, Eli, cleared his throat and addressed the room. His voice was steady, but there was an undeniable pride that radiated from him. "It's been a long road, but we're finally all on the same side," he said, his words carrying a sense of unity that seemed to resonate with everyone in the room. "And as a reward? The toughest test any of us have ever had to face."

Demetri, standing proudly next to him, picked up the baton. "The Sekai Taikai is the most prestigious karate tournament in modern martial arts history," he said, his voice full of excitement. "For over a century, fighters from across the globe have gathered every two years to compete for the title of World's Best."

The room grew quieter, everyone hanging on to Demetri's words. Alessia could feel her heart racing, both from the anticipation of the tournament and the reveal of the new dojo name.

Eli continued, his intensity matching the energy in the room. "If the All Valley is March Madness, this is the Olympics, plus the gladiator games and the kumite from Bloodsport all rolled into one."

Johnny, who had been standing off to the side, nodded approvingly at the hype. He muttered something under his breath, a grin spreading across his face. "Yeah," he added with a fist pump, clearly caught up in the excitement.

Demetri went on, but before he could finish, Eli cut in, his voice taking on a more serious tone. "If we win-" Demetri started, but Eli quickly interrupted, correcting him. "Excuse me. When we win, the spoils will be life-changing."

The atmosphere shifted slightly, the air growing heavier with the gravity of Eli's words. He wasn't just talking about a victory; this was about redemption, honor, and the future of the dojo. His gaze shifted toward Johnny, Chozen, and Daniel, who stood nearby, watching with rapt attention.

Eli's eyes locked with Demetri's, and Demetri took over, his newfound confidence filling the room. "Yes, which is why we decided to take at least one thing off your plates. Coming up with our new dojo name."

Johnny, Daniel, and Chozen all looked slightly confused but intrigued by what was coming. Alessia, her hands slightly sweaty from the anticipation, bit her lip nervously. The moment felt monumental.

Demetri grinned. "Yes! After some spirited brainstorming and ad hoc focus-grouping, and also a dojo-wide vote, we have a winner!" He paused for dramatic effect. "And now, it's time to reveal it."

Alessia felt her pulse quicken as she glanced over at Robby, whose excitement matched her own. She could barely contain her curiosity. What would they name their dojo?

Eli and Demetri, with a synchronized motion, pulled the tarp off the board.

The room fell silent for a split second, and then chaos erupted.

On the board was a cartoonish version of Mr. Miyagi, his head comically oversized, standing proudly beneath the dojo's new name: Miyagi-Fang Karate.

Alessia's jaw dropped. The name "Miyagi-Fang" was brilliant, the perfect combination of honoring Mr. Miyagi's legacy and a nod to the strength and power they now embodied. But the logo-oh, the logo. It was bold, bright, and definitely unique. Mr. Miyagi's head, in all its cartoonish glory, was so exaggerated that it looked as though it had been lifted straight from a Saturday morning cartoon. The giant grin on his face was a bit jarring, but it was undeniably... entertaining.

The dojo erupted in applause, the energy of the room shifting from stunned silence to excitement. It wasn't what they expected, but it was theirs.

Alessia let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding, laughing quietly to herself at the absurdity of the design. She quickly glanced over at Robby, whose face mirrored her own surprise. But despite the cartoonish nature of the logo, it was clear that they were all in this together.

However, when Alessia stole a glance at the senseis, the reactions were anything but what she expected. Johnny, who had been clapping enthusiastically, had a wide grin plastered on his face. He was completely on board with the new dojo identity, cartoon head and all. But Daniel and Chozen? Their reactions were a different story.

Daniel's eyebrows were furrowed in disbelief, his lips slightly parted as if he was trying to process what he was seeing. Chozen, standing next to him, looked like he was still processing the sheer absurdity of the situation. He glanced over at Daniel, then back at the board, his expression unreadable.

Eli and Demetri stood in front of the board, soaking in the approval from the others, clearly satisfied with the reaction. Even though the design was slightly outlandish, it was clear that the dojo now had a new identity, one that they were all embracing.

And with the Sekai Taikai looming ahead, it was evident that Miyagi-Fang Karate-giant cartoon head and all-was ready to take on the world.

The arcade was alive with energy-the flashing neon lights creating a kaleidoscope of colors, the constant hum of machines mixing with the occasional cheer or groan from players. The air buzzed with the excitement of the crowd, but for Alessia, it felt like an island of tension. Her hands were stuffed deep in the pockets of her hoodie, her posture slightly hunched as she stood beside Miguel, trying to ignore the weight of the animosity in the air. All her attention was on Tory, who stood a few feet away, arms crossed, her expression distant and unreadable. It was hard to shake off the memory of what had happened between them-Tory's cold, calculated kidnapping, leaving Alessia stranded in the freezing woods in the middle of winter.

Robby's voice broke through the quiet tension. He was standing proudly beside the strength test machine, his eyes fixed on the flashing numbers on the screen. His fist had collided with the punching bag with a thud, sending it flying upward. The digital screen flickered before settling on the score: 868.

With a grin of self-satisfaction, Robby turned to face the group. "What can I say? It's all in the legs," he boasted, his posture relaxed as he casually leaned against the machine.

Miguel raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest. "Yeah, well, congratulations on your rather average leg strength, sir," he teased, a playful smirk tugging at the corner of his lips.

Alessia couldn't help but smile slightly at the exchange, but her gaze kept flicking between Tory and Robby. She couldn't quite read Tory's reaction to Miguel's jab, and it made her uneasy. The two girls were standing on opposite sides of the room, locked in their own silent battle of wills. Neither of them seemed eager to break the ice, and Alessia wasn't sure if this was a situation that could even be salvaged with small talk.

Robby, undeterred by Miguel's teasing, turned to the girls. "All right, who's next?" he asked with an eager grin, his eyes glancing between them.

"I'm good," Tory replied quickly, her voice flat and uninterested, folding her arms tighter as if to shut down the conversation. She avoided looking at anyone, staring pointedly at the floor.

Alessia hesitated, her eyes shifting between Robby and Miguel. She wasn't in the mood to punch the bag-not with all the awkwardness lingering in the air. "I... yeah, me too," she muttered, her voice soft. The last thing she wanted was to make things worse or draw more attention to the fragile balance between them all.

Miguel nodded, his smile faltering slightly. He could sense the discomfort in the air and wasn't about to push it further. "Okay, what about the batting cages? I heard there's a new fast pitch," he suggested, trying to steer them toward something more lighthearted. His voice carried a hopeful tone, like he was grasping for an escape from the tension.

Alessia gave a reluctant shrug, offering him a small, supportive smile despite the undercurrent of unease in her chest. "Sure," she replied, trying to make the best of the situation.

Tory's response, however, was a complete contrast. "Sounds fun," she said, her tone monotonous, devoid of any enthusiasm or interest.

Alessia felt the weight of Tory's indifference in the pit of her stomach. She glanced at Miguel, who met her gaze with a quiet understanding.

"For some reason, I don't think Tory actually thinks it sounds fun," Miguel muttered under his breath, attempting to lighten the mood by mimicking Tory's flat tone with exaggerated precision.

Alessia stifled a laugh, nudging him with her elbow. "It's a hangout with your ex, and me-the girl who punched you when you were trying to help," she said in a low voice, her lips twitching into a brief smile. "And Tory is also kind of Sam and I's nemesis. So... yeah, this is a bit awkward."

Miguel tilted his head in mock thought, his frown deepening slightly. "I didn't think she was your enemy anymore," he said, his voice carrying a hint of concern.

Alessia shrugged, her eyes drifting toward Tory and Robby, who were walking ahead. "I mean... I'm not really sure. Things are... complicated," she admitted. "Whose idea was this hangout, anyway?" she asked, furrowing her brows, as if trying to make sense of it all.

"Robby's," Miguel replied with a wry smile, clearly not surprised.

Alessia's lips parted in a small, almost amused sigh. "Figures," she murmured. "I'm not even sure if Tory wants to learn Miyagi-Do or if she's just here to get closer to the Sekai Taikai." Her voice lowered as the weight of the situation pressed down on her. She couldn't quite shake the feeling that Tory had an ulterior motive for being here, especially given the tense history between them.

Miguel gave her a gentle nudge, trying to offer some comfort. "Just give her some time, okay? She'll come around," he said, his voice soft but filled with an unshakeable optimism.

Alessia let out a quiet sigh but nodded, trusting Miguel's words. He had a way of seeing the best in people, even when the situation didn't seem to warrant it.

The group slowed to a stop as Robby's attention was suddenly drawn to someone nearby. Alessia followed his gaze and saw Kenny, who was shooting hoops at the basketball game, his movements smooth and practiced as the ball swished through the net with impressive accuracy.

Alessia raised an eyebrow and tilted her head toward Robby. "He's still not talking to you?" she asked softly, her concern evident as she looked between Robby and Kenny.

Robby's expression shifted, frustration briefly crossing his face. "No," he admitted. "I've gotta give it another shot. He needs to know there's another way besides the crap Silver was feeding him. At least here, he can't send my call to voicemail."

Alessia glanced at Miguel, their shared understanding clear in the silent exchange between them. They had both witnessed the extent of Silver's manipulation of Kenny, and they both knew how much Robby regretted letting him fall into that trap.

Kenny finished his game and stepped away from the machine, wiping his hands on his shorts. Robby took a deep breath, his resolve hardening. Without another word, he turned back to the group, determination written on his face.

"I'll be right back," Robby said, his voice steady with purpose as he started walking toward Kenny.

Miguel and Alessia watched him go, both of them aware of the tension that lingered in the air. As they turned to look at Tory, they saw her standing with her arms crossed, her eyes narrowed as she followed Robby's every movement. It was impossible to miss the way her gaze lingered on him, but whether it was admiration or something else, neither Alessia nor Miguel could say.

The atmosphere at the arcade table was thick with awkward tension as Alessia, Miguel, and Tory sat together, waiting for Robby to return. The bright neon lights of the arcade flickered across their faces, casting colorful glows that seemed to mock the stillness of the moment. Despite the usual hum of excitement around them, it felt as if they were in a little bubble of discomfort, separate from the energy of the place. A half-melted cup of ice cream sat between them, its contents starting to pool in the bottom. Miguel had bought it in a desperate attempt to break the ice, but so far, it had only become an additional point of awkwardness. He was the only one eating it, scooping up spoonfuls with a mechanical rhythm while the others stayed silent.

Miguel glanced at his friends, trying to push past the heaviness that hung over the table. "So, I mean, it's our senior year, right? College right around the corner. Kinda crazy," he said, his voice overly casual as he tried to steer the conversation away from the tension.

Alessia gave him a small, appreciative smile, leaning forward slightly. "Yeah, I mean, it feels like just yesterday you walked up to me in the middle of the school hallway, all 'Hey, can I help you get sober?' And then I punched you," she said, a laugh lacing her words. "Now here we are, planning our futures between training every day."

Miguel's lips curled into a grin, his gaze softening as he looked at Alessia. "Yeah, pretty wild how far we've come." His smile lingered as he met her eyes, feeling the weight of how much they'd both changed.

Alessia's smile widened, her expression softening as she tilted her head. "I'm also excited to see what Stanford has to say-whether you got in or not. Which I hope you do," she added, her voice warm and sincere.

Miguel's face flushed slightly at her words, and he held up crossed fingers. "Fingers crossed," he said, his tone light but filled with hope. He then glanced over at Tory, suddenly remembering they weren't alone. "What about you, Tory?"

Tory, who had been sitting with her arms crossed tightly and an unimpressed expression on her face, leaned back in her seat. Her response came out sharp and biting, her tone laced with bitterness. "It's kinda hard to get in anywhere when you spent almost a year on probation."

The words hit harder than Alessia expected. She had forgotten about Tory's troubles, but as soon as she heard them, her own memories of being on probation came rushing back. The familiar weight of anxiety pressed down on her chest, and her fingers instinctively tightened around the edge of the table. A nervous gulp rose in her throat. I don't want to think about that, she thought. I don't want to feel like I'm still stuck in that mess.

Miguel winced at the harshness of Tory's words, clearly unsure of how to respond. "Right," he muttered, his gaze dropping to the ice cream, a sudden unease filling the space between them.

Alessia shifted uncomfortably in her chair, feeling the weight of the silence that followed. She glanced nervously at Tory, who was glaring at the table, her body language hostile. Then she looked at Miguel, who seemed to be doing his best to avoid eye contact with either of them. The tension felt like it was suffocating the air around them. Alessia bit her lip, unsure of how to break the silence. The last thing she wanted was for this moment to implode further.

Miguel, sensing Alessia's discomfort, awkwardly scooped another spoonful of ice cream. His focus on the dessert felt almost comical-like if he stared hard enough at it, it might somehow fix everything. But it didn't.

"I'll be back..." Alessia muttered under her breath, standing up quickly. She didn't give Miguel a chance to say anything, the urge to escape the mounting awkwardness driving her feet toward the bathroom.

Alessia hurried into the bathroom, her breath shaky from the nerves swirling in her chest. She didn't even glance at herself in the mirror as she walked straight toward the sink. Her hands felt clammy, and she instinctively pulled one of them out of her pocket, where she'd been clenching it tightly. She stared at the small band-aid covering her finger-torn from an earlier incident, but it wasn't the injury that bothered her now. It was the need to feel something-anything-to ground herself.

Without thinking, she tugged the band-aid off her finger, peeling it back slowly. The sharp sting of the removal sent a small jolt of pain through her, and she pressed her finger firmly into the spot where the band-aid had been. She pressed hard, almost too hard, as if the pressure might push away the nervous buzz that had settled beneath her skin. The small, dull ache was something she could control. It was something real, something that didn't feel so out of place in her chaos of emotions.

Her breath evened out slightly as she stared at her finger, the small red mark still visible. She stayed there for a moment, trying to collect herself, focusing on the pain as a way to numb the growing tension in her chest. Slowly, she exhaled, and with one last look at her finger, she reached for the paper towels, drying her hands with a sense of finality.

When she left the bathroom, she wasn't sure if she was ready to face the table again-but she knew there was no other choice.

The evening at the batting cages had taken a sharp turn. Miguel and Robby were in the middle of a heated brawl with Shawn and Kenny, tension crackling like electricity in the air. Alessia and Tory had just walked out when they saw the chaos unfolding. Kenny was on the ground, scrambling for a baseball bat nearby.

Without hesitation, Tory sprinted forward, her foot landing firmly on the bat before Kenny could grab it. "Really?" she asked, her voice dripping with disbelief as she glared down at him.

Kenny looked up at her, his face twisting in irritation. "Out of my way, Nichols. I don't wanna hit a girl," he spat, his bravado masking the tension in his voice.

Alessia stepped into the batting cage, her presence calm but commanding. She let out a scoff, drawing Kenny's attention. "That's sweet. But don't worry, you won't," she said, crossing her arms as she stood beside Tory.

The two girls shared a quick glance, an unspoken understanding passing between them. It was rare for them to be on the same side of a fight, but tonight was different.

Kenny lunged at them, but Tory and Alessia moved in perfect sync, each grabbing one of his arms and spinning him around. Kenny staggered back, his frustration evident.

"Kenny, you have a place at our dojo," Alessia said earnestly, her voice softer but firm. "Everyone has a home at Miyagi-Do. It doesn't matter what happened."

Kenny's expression hardened as he shook his head. "It matters to me," he snapped, his tone filled with a mix of anger and hurt. He started to move toward his brother, who was still locked in combat with Miguel and Robby.

Determined to stop him, both girls grabbed Kenny's hands again, trying to hold him back. But Kenny was quick. He used their grip against them, pulling them forward with unexpected force. Alessia stumbled back as Kenny smacked her hand away, a flicker of pain crossing her face.

"We're just trying to help you, Kenny!" Alessia said, her voice rising as she steadied herself.

Kenny ignored her, his focus solely on the fight ahead. Tory stepped in, struggling to keep Kenny at bay, but his determination was unrelenting. As Kenny pushed forward, Alessia lunged, delivering a well-aimed kick that sent him crashing into the chain-link fence.

Breathing heavily, Kenny tried to bolt again, but Tory and Alessia wouldn't let him pass. When Kenny made another attempt, the girls sidestepped simultaneously, causing him to lose his balance and stumble into the fence once more.

Shawn, now fuming, loomed over them, his sharp glare slicing through the air. He reached down, grabbing Kenny by the arm. For a moment, it looked like he might retaliate, but instead, he pulled Kenny to his feet. Shawn's eyes flickered with warning as he glared at Tory and Alessia one last time before retreating with his younger brother.

As the dust settled, Robby and Miguel jogged over to join them, both slightly out of breath but relieved the fight was over.

"Well, that could have gone better," Robby remarked, running a hand through his hair.

Miguel gave a breathy laugh. "Could have gone worse," he said with a grin, clearly trying to lighten the mood.

Alessia looked at Tory, a small, genuine smile tugging at her lips. "You picked up Miyagi-Do pretty fast," she said, her voice warm despite the tense situation.

Tory glanced at her, a flicker of surprise crossing her face before she smirked slightly. "Yeah, well, I fought Sam enough. I guess some of it must have rubbed off."

Alessia chuckled softly, the sound easing some of the lingering tension. It wasn't often that she and Tory found common ground, but in this moment, there was a sense of mutual respect.

Miguel and Robby exchanged a look, their expressions triumphant. Their plan to get Tory and Alessia to work together had worked-maybe a little messier than expected, but it was a step in the right direction.

Alessia walked into the small, familiar meeting room, the low hum of conversation fading as she stepped in. The air inside was thick with the shared weight of experience. The room was filled with people who knew exactly what it was like to fight battles within themselves, people who understood the delicate balance between healing and relapsing.

She took a seat near the back, hands shaking slightly as she pulled the sleeves of her hoodie over her fingers, hiding the anxiety that was gnawing at her. It had been a rough week, one that had left her feeling lost, like she was teetering on the edge of falling back into old habits. The tension in her chest hadn't eased, no matter how many breaths she took, no matter how hard she tried to ground herself.

The group leader-a woman named Rachel who had been through her own struggles and now volunteered to help others-looked around the room, her eyes soft but steady. "Alright, everyone, it's time to begin," she said, her voice calm and inviting. "Let's start by going around the circle. If anyone feels comfortable, you can share what's been going on in your life, anything you're struggling with."

Alessia felt the familiar wave of dread hit her stomach. She wasn't ready to talk. Not today. But then, the moment stretched, and she realized she couldn't stay silent forever. She'd been silent for too long, letting the anxiety fester and consume her, letting her struggles become something unspoken and hidden. She had to speak, or else she might lose herself again.

Taking a deep breath, Alessia raised her hand slightly. Rachel nodded toward her, and for a brief moment, all eyes were on her. The room seemed to grow quieter, the weight of her unspoken words pressing in. She shifted in her seat, her palms sweaty.

"I-uh, I guess I'll go," Alessia said, her voice barely above a whisper, though it felt like it echoed through the room. She licked her lips and cleared her throat before continuing. "So... I've been struggling a lot lately. Like, a lot."

She paused, trying to gather her thoughts, but they were tangled, just like everything else in her life right now. "I've been clean for a while now, but recently... it's like, the anxiety's been taking over. I've been feeling like I'm walking on a tightrope. One wrong move, and I could fall." She exhaled shakily, her hands gripping the sides of her seat as she tried to steady herself. "I guess I'm afraid that I might go back to... you know, the old ways. The ways that helped numb everything for a while."

Her voice cracked slightly, and she cursed under her breath, trying to swallow the lump that had formed in her throat. The last thing she wanted to do was break down in front of everyone. She wasn't weak. She was strong. She could do this.

"I don't know what's been worse-the addiction or the anxiety," Alessia continued, her voice steadier now but still laced with uncertainty. "It's like, I can't escape it. The thoughts keep spiraling, and I feel like I'm losing control of my own mind. I try to focus on things that help-going to the gym, staying busy-but it just... doesn't always work. I get these waves of panic, and I don't know what to do with them. I feel like I'm always fighting against myself."

She shifted in her seat, finally meeting the eyes of the group, her gaze searching for something, anything, that might help her feel less alone in this.

"The other day, I... I had a moment," she confessed, her voice quieter now, almost vulnerable. "I was at the arcade with some friends, and everything felt so off. It was like I couldn't breathe, and I wanted to just leave. I felt this urge to-" She cut herself off, not wanting to go there. Not wanting to give in to the darkness that had tried to swallow her before.

"I don't know what to do when it feels like everything's coming at me at once. Like I'm going to crack if I don't fix it all right now."

A few seconds of silence passed as Alessia looked down at her hands, tracing the scars on her knuckles. She could feel the weight of her words hanging in the air, unsure of how they'd been received. The room had gone still, but in a way, it felt safe. No one here was judging her. They understood what it was like to feel like you were drowning, but to keep your head just above the surface, pretending like everything was fine.

Rachel spoke softly, her voice gentle but firm. "Alessia, you're not alone in this. What you're feeling, the fear of slipping, the anxiety-it's real, and it's okay to acknowledge that. But remember, the fact that you're here, talking about it-that's strength. It's okay to have moments of weakness, but it's how we rise from them that defines us."

Alessia nodded slowly, her throat tight. The words didn't fix everything, but they were a balm for the rawness she'd been carrying inside. It felt like a small weight had been lifted, just a little. She wasn't okay. She wasn't fine. But she was trying. And that mattered.

"I'll keep trying," Alessia said softly, more to herself than anyone else. "One day at a time, right?"

Rachel smiled warmly. "One day at a time."

The group gave her a nod of understanding, and Alessia took a deep, steadying breath. For the first time in a while, she felt like maybe-just maybe-she wasn't as alone as she had thought.

ASH SPEAKS!!!

new gif!! ignore how the psd made robby barely visible 😭 might redo it...

anyways... alessia is going to struggle this season. and in no way am i romanticizing this, i am spreading awareness and if you are struggling there are resources to help :)

PLEASE DONT BE A GHOST READER!
COMMENT AND VOTE! IT HELPS US WRITERS STAY MOTIVATED:)