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'My Barbarian Queen.'

I see his eyes, I feel his hands. But another voice penetrates my haunted mind.

'Susan.' His Telmarine accent rings in my ears as his warm hand touches my arm. I flinch at his touch and try to push myself away from him. I force myself to open my eyes. I can't tell him. I just can't.

I promised my family that I would come when I was rested. But I don't know how many hours has passed since Elvira and I arrived home.

Home, Cair Paravel is home.

'Susan, you'll be alright, no one can hurt you now,' Caspian says. But I don't find comfort in his words. It only angers me.

'You weren't there,' I say, my voice nothing more than a whisper.

Caspian narrows his eyes. He reaches out to touch my arm again. But he hesitates.

'I,' he starts, but he looks away. He runs his hands through his thick black hair. 'What can I do?' he pleads, turning to face me again.

I want to flee from my bed, to flee from my room. Somewhere they can't find me. Where he can't find me.

'Susan, do you want to talk about it? Elvira, she is with Salvador and Peter. He-- your brothers were, are so angry with themselves. They couldn't bear it to face you.'

'Cowards,' his voice spits in my mind. 'They are cowards. That is why you are better off with me, my Barbarian Queen.'

'Go away,' I hiss, trying to block him out. He cannot be here! It can't.

Caspian's eyes widen. He quickly scrambles off my bed. He looks with pained eyes at me, his mouth moves but no words come out.

'See? He is already leaving you,' Rabadash hisses inside my messed up mind. Again I feel his hands on me.

'No!' This time I cry out and Caspian freezes when I scream. In seconds he is back on the bed with me and this time he doesn't hesitate to take my trembling form in his arms.

I bury my head against his muscles chest as he softly hushes in my ear. Trying to comfort me.

'Susan, please what is wrong? How can I help?' the seafarer king pleads.

'Just hold me,' I answer with a sob.

Caspian's arms tighten around me as he holds me closer. I can hear his heartbeat, which drums very quickly. As does my own.

I relax in his arms, trying to shut out the voice of Rabadash.

'Elvira!'

Immediately I sit up, because I recognize the voice who screams her name.

It is Peter.

I look at Caspian, who is also looking at me and at the door.

'Come!' I say loudly, pushing myself out of his arms. Adrenaline is filling my veins, helping my tortured body to move out of the bed and my feet on the cold floor.

'Susan, you--,' Caspian stops mid sentence. He suddenly smiles warmly and lifts himself from my bed.

'I am with you,' he says and I know he means it. Not only now, but forever.

I try to calm my beating heart and the hurricane of butterflies in my stomach. But it is all because of him.

'Elvira!' Again Peters screams, a plea.

Caspian takes his sword, which he had laid on one of the dressers in my room. He fastens it to his belt and I open the door.

'Peter!' That is the voice of Salvador!

Caspian breathes deeply in and out. 'Come!' He takes my hand and we start to run towards the sounds. Caspian pulls me with him through the corridors and the sounds become more and more clearer.

Steel against steel. Grunts and heavy breathing. Servants running away and we are running towards them.

'What is happening?' Caspian demands one of the guards, who are also running towards the battle sounds.

'We don't know exactly, your Majesty!' he replies quickly. 'Only that the High King is involved in it and the general!' He sprints away, and we follow quickly behind him.

It is that Caspian is pulling me behind him, but otherwise I was already crumbling to the ground. Everything hurts but I have to go on. Maybe Peter is hurt!

But what I see when Caspian and I enter the room, is nothing like that.

Salvador lies on the ground, holding his right arm, blood is streaming out of it; Elvira is wiping some blood from her cheek and picks up her fallen sword. I see that Peter is watching her carefully, his own sword drawn. His eyes follow her blade as she presses it against his neck.

I see her eyes flash with sadness as she speaks: 'Don't. Move.'

'Elvira,' Peter pleads. 'Stop,' he says, his breathing ragged. But she only presses the blade tighter against his neck. Blood is now streaming down, but my brother doesn't speak anymore, doesn't move.

He drops his sword, and Elvira smirks, letting his blood drop on her sword.

The tension in the room is to die for, but then she looks at her sword and pulls it away from his neck. She casually puts it back in her sheath.

Caspian pulls me against him and steps away as Elvira walks past us. He looks at her with sadness in his eyes, his mouth moves. But no words are spoken.

'Elvira!' It is Salvador who speaks, but he grunts in pain. But it seems like Elvira doesn't hear him anymore. She walks straight out of the room and through the hallway.

I look at Peter, who looks dumbfounded at Salvador and back at me. I free myself out of Caspian's hold and stumble towards Peter. He catches me before my feet give in.

'Pete,' I whisper, hugging him close. He doesn't say anything. But I see the tears he was trying to hide. After all, he is made of flesh that can be cut, and bones that can be broken.

✦✧✦

'So what happened exactly?' Lucy asks again while she touches her bracelet from time till time.

We are sitting in the family room, or what we called the family room. A fire is burning and we are having some tea to calm our nerves. '

She suddenly attacked me,' Salvador begins, touching the new bandage around his arm. The wound wasn't luckily as deep as we thought.

'We brought you in.' His eyes find mine.

'And I heard that you were back. The both of you. So I went searching,' Peter continues. 'We came into the courtyard and Salvador was holding her up. We brought the two of you to your rooms. And because the doctor was at your side, Su, I thought I could help Salvador.' His eyes harden.

'But when she saw me, she just... She...' But no words come out. Peter stares at the fire, Edmund lays a hand on his shoulder.

'I couldn't kill her... I mean. Maybe she just thought I was one of those men,' Peter whispers as a shiver goes through me.

'Barbarian Queen,' Rabadash hisses in my mind.

Caspian notices my sudden change and puts his arm around my shoulder, pulling me against him. It feels safe and warm. But Rabadash's voice is still in my mind. The things he did to me.

'Susan.' Lucy's voice is warm and understanding as she says my name. 'Can you tell us what happened?'

Do I have to? I bite on my lip. Caspian seems to feel my tension as his arm tightens around me more.

'Su...' Peter, he looks so sad, so broken almost...

'I...' Can I tell them these things? So dark and unforgivable.

'We cannot force her!' Edmund speaks, eyes narrowed and his jaw clenched. He knows what Rabadash did to me all those years before.

'We let this rest for now. They have been through a lot,' Caspian declares. 'She has to rest, you too, Peter.'

'But what about Elvira?' my big brother says a bit too hard, hearing his emotions that he tries so hard to conceal.

'We are going find her and bring her home!' Salvador says while standing up. But the general is wounded, although he doesn't want to look that way.

'Yes,' Caspian reassures his best friend. 'But we need a plan.'

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'Rest, Su.' Lucy kisses my forehead as she pulls the blankets towards my chin. I cannot help it but chuckle as she does that.

'I am so, so happy you are home. And those wounds... do you really not want the cordial?'

'No, Lucy. We made a promise a long time ago. That we would only use this potion as someone was dying. And for as far as I know, I am not dying.'

'I know.' She sighs. But I can see a tiny smile in the corner of her mouth. She leaves quietly and closes the door behind her.

I stare at the ceiling, letting my thoughts wander. I even don't know anymore if it is day or night. But why would I care?

'Tueal ya malkatay , linadhhab 'iilaa almanzil.' His heavy voice echoes through my room and I freeze at his words. I don't even know what they mean. But I know he is here.

'Scream and I kill her,' he says quietly and now I see his silhouette moving through my room.

Elvira! He means Elvira!

'Where is she?' I demand, trying to keep my voice steady.

'Come with me and I bring you to her,' his haunting voice sounds.

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