─☼☼☼─

𝙏𝙃𝙍𝙀𝙀 𝙈𝙊𝙉𝙏𝙃𝙎 𝙀𝘼𝙍𝙇𝙄𝙀𝙍

𝙏𝙄𝙈𝙀 𝘼𝙇𝙒𝘼𝙔𝙎 𝙎𝙀𝙀𝙈𝙎 to pass at a substantially slower rate when all you do is watch the seconds tick by.

Charlotte Carrera was learning that the hard way.

Because each second that passed was a will he or won't he moment.

Will Rafe show up? Or won't he? Will he be high if he does? 

Part of her was afraid to know the answer. Part of her almost wished he didn't show up. Maybe that would hurt less.

But no, it wouldn't hurt less. Maybe it would hurt more.

Because standing alone in that stuffy hallway in the convention centre would be humiliating.

Tonight wasn't a huge deal, not really. But it was a big enough deal that Charlotte thought Rafe would have cared enough to show up on time. It wasn't important to him in the slightest. But it was to her. Shouldn't that count?

It was one of those stupid banquets that student organizations put on at the end of the year. The ones where everyone got way too dressed up for something that didn't really matter in the long run.

But it meant something to Charlotte. She was being recognized for her hard work this year. And that she was proud of. Even if all of this was a ridiculously over the top showcase.

Rafe had promised that he would come. He had talked to her only one night previous, swearing that he wouldn't forget and that he would be there on time to walk in with her.

He lied.

Because the banquet had started twenty minutes ago and he was yet to be seen.

It was the end of February, so the air outside was chilly. However, Charlotte felt like she was in a sauna as she tried to fan her face.

She had a tendency to get hot when she got worked up.

And worked up she was.

A pit had formed in the bottom of her stomach, a lump in her throat. She felt like she was going to throw up, because she had a clear vision as to how the rest of the night was going to go, and it was not at all how she planned.

She had expected—hoped— that Rafe would show up on time. That the two of them would be the best looking couple in the room as they walked in together. That she would receive her stupid award and he would stand up and clap for her even if he had no idea what the award was even for. That they would leave hand-in-hand, get dinner and then retire back to her room where they would make up for two weeks apart.

But all of that was going to be hard to do it Rafe never even showed up.

Charlotte could feel the anxiety clawing up from her chest and through her throat, almost making it hard to breathe.

Five more minutes and she would have to enter alone. Five more minutes and she would have to sit through the entire banquet knowing what she had to do afterwards.

She sighed, pulling nervously at the rings on her fingers as she quickly paced back and forth, eyes locked on the large clock that hung overhead.

Four minutes and thirty seconds had passed before the glass doors were pulled open and Rafe Cameron came hurrying in.

Even though he did his best to hide it, Charlotte could see his slight stumble.

Her heart plummeted to her stomach as her head swam. He was wasted.

His dress shirt was wrinkled, his jacket hastily thrown on and his hair sticking up in all directions. "Baby, I'm so sorry I'm late. Traffic was a bitch."

Charlotte felt like she had been punched in the gut. Did he really think she didn't know him well enough to realize that he was high?

"You drove here?" She whispered, appalled that he had even considered getting behind the wheel in the state he was in.

Rafe looked confused for a moment. "Yeah? How else was I supposed to get here?"

She wanted to slap him. But she forced her hand to stay at her side, and instead she fixed him with a heavy stare.

"Give me your keys." She demanded, refusing to have even the smallest of conversations about this here in the lobby of the conference centre.

"Why?" He demanded, still attempting to feign sobriety.

Charlotte pushed her shoulders back and attempted to keep her face neutral. "Because you're high, Rafe. Or drunk. Or both.  And I am not waltzing in there with you by my side like this."

Rafe's face clouded in confusion as he shook his head. "What are you talking about, Lottie? This is a big night for you, stop ruining it."

He tried to walk past her, but Charlotte stepped directly into his path. "We're leaving, Rafe."

When he looked up at her this time, Charlotte knew for a fact that she hadn't been wrong. She could see it in his eyes, his beautiful blue eyes, that he was wasted.

And Rafe knew it too, because he let out a sigh, his breath hitting Charlotte's cheek as he stepped back. "I'm okay, Lottie. I can go in."

"It's not about you being okay." She argued as she dug her hand into his jacket in search of his keys. "Tonight, for once, is about me. And I am not walking in there with a high boyfriend."

His hand latched onto her wrist as she pulled it out of his pocket. "Then I'll leave, okay? Y-you don't have to miss your—" he waved his hand around, unsure of what event he was even attending. "I can wait for you outside, or—"

"No." Charlotte interjected sternly. "I can't go in there and pretend I'm fine, because I'm not."

She was trying not to cry, and Rafe could tell. "It isn't that big of a deal, Charlotte." He argued. "I'm completely—"

"Don't you dare say you're fine." Charlotte near growled. "What was it today? Weed? Coke? Or have you moved onto meth?"

Rafe raked a hand through his wild hair as he closed his eyes in shame or anger, Charlotte wasn't entirely sure. "You're right." He finally agreed, a slight edge to his tone. "We should go."

Grip tightening around the keys in her hand, Charlotte held in all the things she wanted to say to him. She wasn't going to say them yet, not here. Because she knew the minute the words left her mouth, what she was saying would be for real. And she didn't want those words to be for real in the middle of some stupid convention centre. 

"Char!" Called a voice from behind. Without turning around Charlotte knew who it was. 

Rafe let out a small curse as his own eyes landed on the approaching figure. 

It was Charlotte's roommate, Emerson. She was one of Charlotte's favourite people, and coincidentally one of Rafe's least favourites.

Emerson was hurried toward the couple, her face pulled tight. "They're about to announce your award. What are you doing out here?"

"Hello to you too, Emerson" Rafe muttered, dropping his head when Charlotte shot him a withering look. 

Placing a gentle hand on her boyfriend's chest, a forced smile came to Charlotte's face. "Rafe's not feeling well." She hated how easily the lie slid off her tongue. How willing she was to lie to protect Rafe. 

But maybe it wasn't him she was protecting...maybe it was herself. 

Emerson's eyes shifted toward Rafe for the first time since she reached them, and it was impossible not to see the distaste within them. "You can't make it through a ten minute presentation so Charlotte can get her award?"

Rafe's mouth was open to speak, and it was likely going to be a smart-ass remark, but Charlotte cut in. "It's okay, Em. Really. I'm just going to take him home. Accept the award on my behalf? It's not like it really matters anyway."

"Charlotte." Emerson pleaded, her voice wavering. It was clear that she hated Charlotte missing this─especially if she was missing it because of Rafe. 

"It's okay." Charlotte repeated, her mouth pulled in a tight smile. "I'll see you at home, Em."

With that, she grabbed onto Rafe's arm, digging her nails into the flesh of his upper arm, causing him to wince as she pulled him toward the door. 

Rafe stumbled along after her, and Charlotte knew that there was no way Emerson was buying the lie that Rafe was sick. It was evident to anyone with eyes that he was high.

Tears nipped at the back of her eyes as Charlotte hurried her pace, breaking into the cold air of the February evening. 

The blast of cold air caused her to shiver as she dropped her grip from Rafe's arm, not wanting to be near him in that moment. If she didn't love him as much as she did, she might have told him to call an Uber and be done with him. 

But there was no way she was going to do that. No, Charlotte Carrera was going to drive Rafe Cameron home...and then she was going to say the words she had never wanted to say. 

"Where are you parked?" Her voice was sharp, but still shook slightly.

Rafe rubbed at his nose as he lifted a hand to park toward the back of the lot. "There were no spots up close."

Charlotte didn't look at him as she began walking. "Probably because you were the last person to get here."

"Charlotte, come on!" Rafe pleaded as he took a couple of large strides to catch up to her. "Don't do this."

"Do what, Rafe?" She spat, turning to face him with a blazing glare.

His gaze softened slightly. "Don't be mad at me."

A lump had formed in her throat as Charlotte spoke. "I'm not mad at you, Rafe."

I'm devastated. Heartbroken. Hurt. 

"Can you just get in the car, please?" She pleaded, voice full of exhaustion. 

Staring at her for a moment, Rafe finally nodded. Silently, he pulled himself into the passenger seat, slumping his head against the headrest as Charlotte managed to get herself into the driver's seat without catching her dress on anything. 

She took a deep breath, ready to say something, but when she turned toward Rafe, he had his head dropped into his hands, refusing to look over at her. 

The tears had sprung free as Charlotte started his car and pulled out of the parking lot. She felt alone. So alone. 

Rafe was supposed to be the one person she could always count on, and he had let her down time and time again. 

She couldn't put herself through this anymore. She deserved better than this. She deserved better than him. 

─☼☼☼─

The drive between Duke and Chapel Hill was only about twenty minutes. But somehow it felt like the longest drive of Charlotte's life. 

Not a word had been said the entire trip back to Rafe's residence, and silence still hung heavy in the air between them as they made their way up to his room. 

When they entered, and Charlotte saw that it was vacant of his roommate, she was relieved. 

She couldn't stand his roommate. It was him who had fostered Rafe's drug habits. Her boyfriend hadn't been perfect before college, in fact one of their first big fights was over his drug use on their graduation night, but it was Dan who egged Rafe on, dragged him to parties, told him the best place to buy drugs. 

Rafe let out a tired sigh as he pulled his jacket off. "Dan's gone." He observed the obvious. "Should we make up for the last two weeks we've spent apart?"

When he turned to look at Charlotte, he was wearing a suggestive smirk.

Charlotte wanted to scream in frustration.

"Are you serious right now, Rafe?"

His face fell in confusion. "Oh, come on, Lottie. You said you weren't mad."

Her chest felt constricted as she spoke. "Because I'm not mad, Rafe. I'm heartbroken."

"Babe, I'm sorry you missed your banquet. I told you I was fine─"

"That's not what this is about!"

Okay. Maybe she was a bit mad. 

Rafe stumbled back slightly in surprise as Charlotte ran a hand through her curls, a shaky breath falling from her lips before she spoke. 

"This is about you continuously putting me second to your fucking drugs and partying. This is about you never caring enough about me to ever show up on time to anything that matters to me. It's about you wasting away your entire future while I try to hold on for dear life. I have tried time and time again to help you, Rafe. But you keep fucking it all up." Charlotte's voice had risen an octave in frustration. 

Rafe's face twitched in anger as his eyes settled on her. "Why the fuck do you care so much about what I do when you're not here, Charlotte? You don't control me."

"I care because you're ruining your life, Rafe! Are you even passing any of your classes? Do you even care?"

"No! I don't fucking care! Not all of us can be like you, Charlotte. We can't all get As and join all the fucking stupid ass clubs that you do. Some of us can't do that."

"That is your own fault!" Charlotte argued, pointing her finger at him with force. "Your dad has given you everything. All you had to do was try, Rafe. But instead you became a drug addict...congratu-fucking-lations."

"Enough." Rafe ordered, already stomping toward the door where Charlotte was standing. "Get the fuck out, Charlotte. We're not doing this tonight."

"And what about me?' Charlotte challenged. "Do you even care about me anymore?"

Rafe's nostrils flared in anger. "Don't make this about you, Charlotte. Don't ask stupid fucking questions that you already know the answer to."

"Clearly I don't know the answer! Clearly I have no idea how you feel about me. Because if you actually cared about me, you'd stop all of this. You'd save your own life and give all of this up!"

"Charlotte, I have given you everything!" Rafe argued, his voice booming across the room. "Everything. I have shown you how much I love you time and time again."

"You're picking drugs over me." Charlotte accused, not letting Rafe's claims of his love for her sway her current position. "That's what you've been doing for months."

Rafe dropped his head into his hands, letting out a ragged breath as he shook his head. 

"Look at yourself!" Charlotte pleaded, her chest tight with frustration and pain. "Look at yourself, Rafe! You're ruining your life."

"Then let me." He finally looked up at her. His voice was dark and gravelly as he towered over her, his eyes boring into hers with shadowed intensity. "Just fucking let me, Charlotte."

A small breath fell from Charlotte's lips as the sadness finally overtook the anger. This was it. This was their downfall. Their finale. Their breaking point. "Fine." She agreed, her voice a mere squeak. She was silent for a moment as she thought hard about what she wanted to say next. 

When she finally spoke, she swore she could hear her heart break. "We're done, Rafe. You're free. Figure your shit out on your own."

With that, she turned and yanked the door open, almost hitting herself with it as she stumbled into the hall. 

The moment she was out of the room, Rafe was slamming the door behind her. But even with the door closed, Charlotte could hear him let out a frustrated, "FUCK!" before the sound of his fist coming in contact with the door cracked throughout the corridor. 

Charlotte's breath hitched as she looked back toward the room, tears in her eyes as she convinced herself not to run back inside to him. 

She wasn't a part of Rafe Cameron's life anymore, and he wasn't a part of hers. 

No matter how much that hurt her, it was the only option. 

She couldn't watch him kill himself any longer. She couldn't watch him ruin his own life time and time again while she begged him to stop. 

He clearly didn't love her enough to change. And she loved him too much to standby and watch his life unravel any further. 

─☼☼☼─