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AT SOME POINT, Charlotte wasn't too sure when, the dark night sky had opened up to a symphony of rain. It poured down around her as she climbed the porch steps, but she couldn't care less. 

The journal was still clutched in her shaky hands as she reached forward and knocked three times. She shivered, both from the cool, wet night and from the nerves that were coursing through her. 

She should have waited until morning, but she physically could not. She would have been up all night, feeling sick to her stomach as she recalled every word he had written. 

It was the middle of the night, and she had done some hardcore stalking to figure out where he lived, but she was already committed. She just hoped he wasn't too off-put by her abrupt arrival. 

The seconds ticked by as she stood at the front door, slowly morphing into minutes.

It dawned on Charlotte that Rafe might not even be home. He could be out with friends, or at a party, or...he could be with a girl. 

"Oh, God." Charlotte muttered to herself, feeling like a total idiot as the realization hit her. Rafe may have said he would wait for her as long as it took, but that didn't mean he wouldn't fill his time with someone else. 

"Fucking idiot," she whispered to herself, debating whether or not she should just make a run for it. If Rafe answered the door with some gorgeous girl standing inside waiting for him to return, Charlotte wasn't sure she could mentally handle it. It had been a year, but the thought of him with anyone else still made her feel sick to her stomach. She knew how he was the last time they broke up, she couldn't really blame him this time either. 

Turning from the door, she prepared to step back into the rain. Anything was better than being faced with tangible evidence of Rafe moving on. She was already soaked head to toe from her run from the car to the house, so at that point she didn't really care. 

Just as she prepared to take off down the steps, the sound of the front door opening behind her cause Charlotte to freeze. 

"Lottie?" His voice was groggy, as if he had just woken up. He definitely had just woken up considering it was two in the morning. 

With her hear hammering in her chest, Charlotte slowly turned around. She wanted to pass out at the sight of him. He wore only a pair of track pants, and his face was written in sleep in the way that Charlotte loved so much. "Hi," she whispered, giving the saddest excuse of a wave anyone had ever seen. 

Rafe took in appearance -- the way she was soaked head to toe, hair clinging to her face, eyes red as if she had been crying. "What's going on?" He wondered, concern overtaking the tiredness in his voice. "Are you okay?"

Charlotte nodded, the floodgates on her emotions breaking. "Yeah," she nodded, lip quivering as she held up the journal. "I read it." Her voice broke, tears cascading down her cheeks as she was faced with her heartbreak from a year prior. This right here would be the ultimate test on how much Rafe had changed. Sure, he could say anything in writing. But what he said to her in person was what matter. The actions he showed were what mattered. 

At the notice of the journal and Charlotte's tears, Rafe's face softened. He was already stepping aside as he spoke. "Come in," he instructed, ushering her into his warm, dry house. Charlotte couldn't help but notice the way he placed his hand on her lower back. The comfort she felt from it was almost embarrassing. 

As she stepped inside, Charlotte quickly surveyed her surroundings while basking in the the reprieve from the cold, damp night. Rafe's house was gorgeous...and so him. Tannyhill was never his, it was Ward's. This was Rafe through and through. 

"Here," Rafe motioned, somehow having made exit to grab a towel. "I'll go grab you a change of clothes, too."

"It's okay," Charlotte assured, gratefully accepting the towel. "You don't need to do that. I won't stay long."

But Rafe didn't listen to her. He was already halfway up the stairs before Charlotte could even think to stop him. She fought back a smile, begging herself not to give into his charms just yet. Their past couldn't be forgotten, no matter how much he had seemed to have changed. 

In his absence, Charlotte took to looking around some more. She found herself in the living room as she dried her hair with the towel. Immediately, her eyes caught on the picture frames set up on the credenza. 

Her heart physically clenched as she surveyed them. There were some of Rafe and Sarah as kids, some of the three Cameron siblings as they had gotten older. There were a couple whole family photos...and then there were the ones of Rafe and Charlotte. There was almost one for every year that they had been dating. Charlotte sniffled as she picked one up into her shaky hands, a reminiscent smile coming to her face. 

Their prom photo, one of her favourites. The same photo that had been in her bedroom for all of those years. It made her heart sing to know that Rafe loved it too. 

But it was the candid photos that she loved most. The ones of them laughing in between takes that had been sneakily taken by whoever was behind the camera. That showed the real them.

"I hope you don't mind that I have those still." Came Rafe's voice from the doorway. He stood with a pile of clothes in hand and a gentle smile on his face. 

Charlotte shook her head. "Of course not."

Rafe dipped his head slightly, "Here you go." He held up the clothes. "There's a bathroom down the hall to the right."

Charlotte gave him a thankful smile as she took the few steps to close the distance between them. "Thank you," she whispered, taking the clothes from his hands. Her fingers brushed his, and she swore she felt a jolt between them. She was pretty sure Rafe felt it too by the look on his face. 

God, she shouldn't have gone there in the middle of the night. She wasn't thinking clearly, didn't have her guards up as she should have. 

As she locked herself in the bathroom, Charlotte faced herself in the mirror. "Do not sleep with him," she ordered herself. It wasn't on her list of things to do that night, but she knew what Rafe did to her mind and body. She couldn't go down that road...not in that moment at least. 

With shaky hands, Charlotte quickly dressed in the clothes Rafe had provided her, vowing to herself that they would stay on the entire night. She couldn't deny the fact that she was brought immense comfort from Rafe's smell that clung to his clothing. 

Stepping back into the hallway, Charlotte gave herself a final vote of confidence before rejoining her ex-boyfriend in the living room. Rafe was waiting for her on the couch, elbows resting on his knees with his head dropped slightly -- looks like he was giving himself a pep talk as well. 

At the sound of her footsteps, Rafe looked up. It was clear that he couldn't fight the grin that came to his lips at the sight of Charlotte in his clothes. 

"Thanks for these." Charlotte motioned to the baggy track pants and t-shirt. "I already feel a lot better."

Rafe nodded, clearing his throat. "My pleasure."

Something settled in the air between them...and almost awkwardness. Say what you want about the two of them, but one thing they typically never were was awkward.

"So," Charlotte began, slowly lowering herself down on the other side of the couch, as far away from Rafe as she could get. 

Rafe's Adam's Apple bobbed as he tried to figure out what to say next. "I don't even know where to start," he admitted. "Well, actually I do." He rubbed the back of his neck as he shook his head slightly. "I know I wrote it in there a million times, but I really want you to know how sorry I am, Charlotte. Never in my life have I felt as much regret as I do for hurting you."

Despite the fact that she knew how much it would hurt, Charlotte met his eyes. She could see how glassy they had become. 

"There's literally no excuse for what I did, and there never will be. I think I just--I just hated myself so much that I thought I didn't deserve you, well I know I didn't. But pushing you away just seemed easier than anything else." He blew out a shaky breath. "I was a coward, that's the root of it."

A lump had formed in Charlotte's throat, tears stinging her eyes and she relived that night again. As she relived the entire six months after Ward's death. To put it lightly...it was hell. She was silent for a few moments, trying to find her voice. "I was terrified of you that night."

It was an admission that shattered Rafe's heart, she could see it in his eyes. 

Rafe tipped his head back slightly, as if to stop the tears. It didn't work. A tear slid down his cheek as he nodded. "I know," he breathed. "I know. And it fucking haunts me every day of my damn life."

Charlotte reached up, wiping her own tears. "I waited for as long as I could," she confessed. "I just kept thinking that you'd come back to me...the real you. But then the months went by and I didn't hear anything." 

Rafe went to explain himself but Charlotte cut him off. "I know now why," she motioned to the journal. "And I'm so thankful for what you did." She exhaled, trying to level her voice. The tears continued trailing down her face. "Knowing that you were getting clean, it makes me so happy."

Not even bothering to wipe his tears, Rafe nodded. "I did it for you," he explained. "I did it all for you."

"I hope that you did it for you as well." She said softly. "Because it will never last if you only did it for me. You need to do it for you, too."

Her words struck Rafe. He was quiet for a moment as he digested what she said.

"I did do it for me." He finally decided. "I did it for us. Both of us."

Charlotte gave him a sad smile. "Good."

─☼☼☼─

RAFE

Rafe was glad he had been working on his self control, because in that moment there was nothing he wanted to do more than reach across that couch and pull Charlotte toward him. He hated seeing her in pain, and hated it even more knowing he was the reason for it. 

Another silence had coated the room, both of them dealing with their own emotions in the best way they knew how. It had been part of Rafe's journey over the past year, learning how to deal with his emotions on his own. Charlotte wouldn't always be there to coach him through his thoughts, and neither would the drugs. It was all up to him. 

On the other side of the couch, Charlotte wiped at her own tears. He could feel her pain radiating despite their distance. 

Fuck the self control. 

Within seconds Rafe had stood and closed the distance between them. He pulled Charlotte up into his arms, cradling her against his chest. "I'm so sorry, Lottie. I'm so sorry for everything."

Charlotte relaxed into him, her body shaking with quiet sobs. "I thought you hated me," she admitted, breaking Rafe's heart for what felt like the millionth time that night. "I thought that you really believed everything you had said to me."

God, Rafe hated his past self more than ever. In fact, if his past self had been in the room with them, he'd have beat the ever living shit out of him. 

Resting his cheek atop her head, Rafe shook his head slightly. "I could never hate you a day in my life."

Her grip tightened, as if she been longing for his touch for a year. He wondered if that was the case, because he knew for a fact that he'd been longing for hers. 

But he wouldn't push things. He told her he'd wait for her as long as it took, and he meant it. 

"Where do we go from here?" Charlotte wondered, her voice hoarse.

"We go wherever you want to," Rafe answered, his voice matching hers. 

Charlotte was quiet for a moment before taking a small step back. She reached up, wiping her own tears before Rafe could. "I think we should be friends," she said quietly. "At least for now."

It felt like a punch to the gut, but like Rafe said, he'd wait forever. "Friends," he affirmed. He'd never had a friend as beautiful as her. He wasn't really sure how to keep things platonic. 

It was evident in the silence that neither of them knew how to act.

"Do you want a cup of tea?" He finally wondered, trying his best to avoid tearing her (his) clothes off of her. 

A teary laugh tumbled from Charlotte's lips as she nodded. "Sure, Rafe. That would be great. Thank you."

Rafe gave a small nod, still feeling entirely out of place. "Okay," he smiled. "Okay."

As he left her standing in the living room, it took everything his therapist taught him to restrain his feelings. So many emotions were begging to bubble over, but he needed to deal with them internally. He talked himself through it the entire time. 

There were so many things he was going to do differently now, from Charlotte to his sister, Rafe was going to be better. 

That's what he told himself every night before he fell asleep...just be better. 

By the time Rafe returned to the living room, Charlotte was curled up at the end of the couch, eyes closed and chest lightly rising and falling. 

He let out a soft laugh as he set the cups of tea down. Of course the events of the last twenty four hours had tired her out. He didn't blame her. 

Smiling softly to himself, Rafe picked up a blanket off the back of the couch, lightly draping it across Charlotte. 

"Goodnight, Lottie," he whispered, softly pressing a kiss to her forehead. 

Friends did that...right?

─☼☼☼─