REAL LIFE . . . alexis

( 022. kick outs and kick offs )

———————— ˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ ————————

—— THE AIR WAS COLD. I hated English spring/ summer nights. They were either ridiculously humid and uncomfortable or freezing cold and borderline hypothermic. It's even worse when you're outside.

By yourself.

With a backpack and basically dead phone.

I should've known better than to argue back with my mum while she was pregnant. Yeah. Pregnant. With someone else's baby. I always knew my parents never loved each other but this really sealed the deal. My mother had officially cheated on my dad and gotten herself knocked up in the process.

She was screaming at me for being ungrateful. For being spiteful. For sitting around and doing nothing while she pulled all her weight. It's not my fault. She never asks me to do anything. She never tells me that things need doing. Does she expect me to telepathically know when dinner needs to be cooked?

So she ended up ordering a KFC. That didn't go well. Not when I begged her to make something. Not when I ended up choking on a chicken bone and having a panic attack, right there, at the kitchen table.

"Mum, I can't eat it!" I shakily cried as I calmed myself down.

"You can and you will! I paid for this meal because you couldn't be arsed to pull your weight around this house and make dinner!" She yelled back, something along those lines.

I don't know, it was all kind of a blur to me.

The next thing I remember was her shouting at me as I walked out of the house, my backpack filled with all the things I needed.

Harry wasn't home. He was in America, doing a video for the Sidemen, and dad was on a business trip right now.

I had no one to go to. No one to keep me warm and safe.

What the fuck was I supposed to do.

My thumb slid across my screen, looking at my recent contacts, Oscar? No. No, God knows he was the last thing I needed right now. A flush of guilt on top of all this emotional baggage? No thank you.

Walker? The one that lived in America? Yeah, good idea,
Alexis, well smart you are.

Isaac. Yeah. Yeah, I could go to Isaac's. His dad loved me and I knew he didn't care too much about what I did there. But I needed comfort and a motherly bond right now, not whatever awkwardness and humour Isaac had to offer.

I had just the girl in mind.

faith💓

hey faith, ik ethan is away rn
but are you home? or did you
go with? xxx

no babe, i'm at home xx

wanna pop round? xxx

if you don't mind xx

front doors unlocked❤️

Out of all of the sidemen's girlfriends, I clicked with Faith the most. Maybe because she was the youngest and I could relate to her more. I don't know, but I knew I needed to be around her.

I walked swiftly to Ethan and Faith's house while ignoring every vibration of notification coming through.

oscar🫶🏼

lex where are you going?

ur location is saying ur in
the middle of a park???

are u okay??

call me??

i'm worried about you x

you're online why are you
ignoring me? x

alexis??

[ missed call at 20:46 ]
[ missed call at 20:48 ]
[ missed call at 20:50 ]

can you stop fucking airing
me

i know you're watching your
phone ring.

I arrived at Faith's door pretty quickly, closing it behind me and kicking my shoes off. I walked into the living room and Faith grinned, standing up since she was playing with Olive on the floor.

I burst into tears seeing how well Faith handled her baby girl and wondered just how and why my mother treated me the way she did.

"Oh, no, don't cry!" Faith gasped, standing up and hugging me, carefully sitting me onto the couch. "It's okay!"

"It's not!" I wailed, sniffling and trying to catch my breath.

Olive wriggled on the floor, unhappy with the sudden switch in atmospheres.

"Sorry." I apologised, wiping my cheeks.

"No, don't worry, she's just a fussy baby." Faith reassured me, keeping me tucked into her chest. "What happened? Why ain't you at home?"

"It's awful there. With my mum. I cant stand it."

"Define awful?"

"Awful as in, she called me ungrateful and a bitch, then proceeded to blatantly acknowledge my eating disorder and go against my wishes and then blamed me for reacting and panicking while eating a meal she knew I wouldn't be able to stomach."

"Oh my God!" Faith scoffed, "I mean, Harry mentioned that you and your mum don't get along great but I didn't know it was that bad! Oh, darling, absolutely not. You stay here as long as you wanna."

"Are you sure? I don't wanna burden you." I swallow thickly

Faith rolled her eyes and shook her head, "Don't even start with that bullshit. It's nothing. What do you wanna eat?"

"Um. . . pasta would be nice?" I said sheepishly, feeling guilty for abruptly showing up and her doing so much.

"Lush, I've been dying to make some but Ethan's not been in the mood." Faith agreed, taking me into the kitchen. "How does your eating thing work then? What do I need to do?"

"Nothing, it's fine as long as I watch you make it, hopefully." I explained even though I still didn't know the full ins and outs of it myself.

"Alright, and if you need to throw it up just do it, 'kay? Don't try and hold it back 'cause of Olive."

"O-Okay."

We gossiped while she made dinner, talking about anything and everything. She made me a vodka coke, making it a double just for the fun of it.

My phone kept going off, undeniably Oscar trying to get me to reply.

"Who the fuck is ringing your phone off?" Faith complained.

"My boyfriend." I grumbled.

"Don't sound too enthusiastic, hun." She laughed. "Why so unhappy?"

"I dunno. . . he's just not who I want to be with anymore." I shrugged, not really having a decent excuse as to why I didn't like Oscar anymore.

I guess that was the worst thing about it, the thing that would hurt him most. I didn't have a plausible explanation or reason. The feelings just. . . went. Disappeared. Poof. It hurt me too, in a sense. I couldn't make sense of my own feelings and emotions and it sucked because I love having an explanation for everything but now that I didn't, I felt so lost.

"You're young. That'll happen. Feelings will come and go but it's whatever." Faith hummed while stirring the pasta.

That was slightly more reassuring. She'd been through her teenaged years before. She got it. She's most likely been in this situation before.

After we ate, she let me disappear upstairs and have some
time to myself.

I did just that. I put my phone on charge and got changed into my pyjamas. I heard Faith on the phone in downstairs, and she was most definitely on the phone with Harry or Ethan, explaining that I had spontaneously showed up.

oscar🫶🏼

alexis if ur pissed off can
u just tell me so i can stop
looking like a dickhead

i was out and my phone had
low battery, i'm sorry

yeah, no shit you were out in
already said that

why?

mum kicked me out

oh shit what for?

are you okay?

long story don't feel like explaining
but she's just being a bitch again
but i'm fine just pissed off tbh

yeah i get that

who are staying with? x

faith, ethan's gf x

okay okay x

as long as ur safe x

walker🙂

are you free to call?

i really need to rant rn

omg yes ofc give me
two minutes

INCOMING CALL : WALKER🙂
ACCEPT | DECLINE

"Hey, are you okay?" Walker immediately asked. "You're not in your own room?"

The instant relief that flooded my circulatory system was astounding. After going so long without hearing his voice, it was finally back. He was finally back. We were finally back— Or were we?

Was I overthinking this? All this was supposed to be was a friendly reconciliation. That's what we agreed upon. So why was my stomach fluttering and buzzing with intense joy.

"I am now." I blurted out.

Shit.

"I- I mean- now that I'm out of my mums house." I try to correct, inwardly cringing at my fuck up.

"Your mom again?" Walker frowned, his evident concern made me want to giggle and kick my feet. "What this time?"

"Apparently she told me to make dinner, spoiler alert: she didn't. And so had a go at me for being ungrateful because she's pregnant and shouldn't have to do anything for herself. Then proceeded to order KFC after I begged her not to." I explained, feeling my words catching in my throat, emotional barbed wire lining the inside of my oesophagus. "Then, I ended up choking on a bone because, you know, I was already scared enough. I started having a panic attack and she was yelling at me the whole time. Somewhere along this conversation, she told me to get out, so I did."

"You're not at your brother's house?" Walker asked, looking around at her surroundings and recognising none of it.

"No, he's in America for a youtube thing and my dad's in Newcastle, so I walked to Faith's." I coughed — an attempt to relax the laryngospasm. "She's my brother's best friend's girlfriend. Kinda long winded but she's like my older sister. It wasn't far, don't worry."

"I always worry about you, Lex."

A small smile graced my face, gentle and at ease watching his face on my phone.

"Thank you." I croaked softly.

"Don't thank me for doing the bare minimum."

I actually felt my heart expand in my chest to the point where I wasn't sure if my lungs had any room to function. It would make sense if that was the case, as I struggled to find air. Not in a bad way. Not in a way where I worried for my health, but in the way where my breath hitched and my stomach turned with the storm of butterflies.

Oscar had never said anything like that to me before. Not that he was a bad boyfriend, because he had never done anything wrong, except not being the one that my heart truly yearned for.

"All the girls send their love!" Faith shouted up the stairs.

"Tell them I said thank you!" I shout back, finally feeling back to my normal self.

𐙚𝒋𝒂𝒔𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒂𝒌𝒔

hitting yall with my yearly
update for this book. it's
been a hot while but it's
finally back and i'm hoping
to have it finished by february
since i have a shit ton of mocks
then.

it's nearly been a year since i made
this book omg!!!!