❝ ZERO | there's this boy

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LOADING YOUR NEW DIARY ENTRY...

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DEAR DIARY. . .

I'm writing this entry to put a date on the day I realised I was absolutely fucked and gone far too deep into some silly little vengeance prank with a boy who should not be making me act like a fool.

We're friends for crying out loud (even though that is such a loose term to describe us, I technically wouldn't count us as friends but he's insistent we're partners in crime so I don't know).

Does partners in crime equal a lifelong friendship built on trust and mutual respect for each other?

Because even though we've meddled are way into our own intertwining friend groups throughout the years of school — I still don't know him personally that long.

Hence my apprehension to whatever groovy little dance my heart is doing inside my chest whenever he looks at me.

THAT IS LITERALLY WHAT IS HAPPENING WHEN I THINK OF HIM I NEED TO STOP.

I do like to believe that it's just a physical attraction (it pains me to say this) but he's hot— not just hot, he's gorgeous and he's pretty and he has no right to look like that when his mouth spews the dumbest shit known to mankind.

I've known him on a personal level for the past two months and I hate to say it but... we're only getting closer and if I think about it (not too hard now, I like my one braincell) he's the closest friend I've had since the incident happened.

I can't understand why he is, why I'm drawn to him the way I am; why his whole presence just captures my attention. I don't want to be any other victim, another person who fell for his charm only to end up with a shattered heart.

But, this is where the complications happen.

Because my heart was shattered by someone else long before this dilemma right now occurred. I lost my pride, my trust and my ability to open up. I was hurt by two people who tore at my heart like it was a wet piece of paper worth nothing — like I, not as a person, but once their equal, was nothing.

And I was content to stay that way for a long while. I didn't want to piece together the millions of small fragments that once was my heart. I was happy to let it sit on the floor while I cried and felt pity for myself because I believed so badly that no one else would.

But... this boy barrelled into my life (forcefully, he knocked at the door, tried to break in the window before deciding to say 'fuck it' and bash at the walls clumsily with a wrecking ball that is so endearingly him) and helped me even though I denied it. I ignored the helping hand and ignored the way someone seemed to genuinely care for me.

And yet he — someone who is known for shattering hearts — was on his knees before my crumpled form, happily picking up the small pieces of my heart and sticking them back together with a glue gun he had stolen from a big supermarket while humming an off-key version of my favourite song to cheer me up.

He did it, and he has remained doing it.

Which is why I feel so horrible for doubting him. And I'm not going to lie, it's not a me problem, it's all him.

He's the one who's built up this reputation, he's the one who's broken a few people's trust, he's the one I swore to never go near with a ten foot pole with a piece of shit at the end of it.

But he's proven he's more than that. And maybe, just maybe, I could potentially learn to trust again. I know this isn't a one sided blossoming feeling, I can see it in him too that he's starting to change. It gives me hope that may—

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You stare at your computer screen in shock, hand automatically pressing the space bar blindly as the dinosaur game loaded up instantly. The offended expression you could feel plastered on your face as you stared right at your screen was probably comical, considering the fact you were resisting the urge the urge to scream like a toddler and quit life right then and there.

You were literally just getting into your feelings and writing something your literature teacher would be proud of for once in her life — you swear.

Just as you're about to go down and check what's wrong, a loud curse followed by a small thump echoed downstairs through your closed bedroom door. You frowned at the noise but jumped slightly when your phone dinged and lit up with a text message from the devil himself.

You couldn't stop the large smile forming on your face just as you heard him begin to talk to Milo downstairs, grunting as he took off his shoes and called up to you to let you know he's here.

You shook your head and sent him back a message.

The following curse words you scream at him elicit his loud yet pure laugh that echoes around your house, filling it with warmth only he could bring. You shake your head to clear your mushy thoughts and turn back to your computer that has loaded again.

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Speaking of the devil, he fixed the internet for me there just as he came in.

Which is why I'm wrapping this entry up short because if he sees or gets a glimpse of what I'm writing, why I'm writing and the fact I'm writing in an online diary entry (I don't like my physical writing — sue me) he will not let me live it down and embarrass me for the rest of my life.

When I say I'd put a gun to my head so quick if he saw a glimpse of this, I mean it.

I can't believe I made this entry. I know what this entry technically means but I'm not in the mood to process that right now. I'll dissect my turbulent and confusing feelings when I'm a bit more stable (which means never).

So yeah, we'll take this entry as my first official 'boy' entry — which is weird because I never did this; even with him.

To make things official, I'll do it properly to sign this absolute nightmare of an entry off.

Dear diary, there's this boy.

His name is Kaminari Denki, he's 18, is the running back boy of our school football team, has an obsession with Lady Gaga songs and plushies, has way too much energy drinks to be healthy, let's me cheat on physic tests because it's the only subject he has a photographic memory for, is barely passing his classes due to laziness, and is the biggest flirt to walk this earth.

And he made a plan with me to fake being interested in each other to get back at my cheating ex-boyfriend who got with my best friend on my birthday :)

Oh, and he also buys me smarties and let's me cry on him when I decide to process my feelings every once in a while.

P.S. he's still a bitch and I hate him though.

— totally fucked,
Y/N.

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started college today and i'm genuinely scared shitless of everyone around me but it's okay i swear 🤞

i don't think anyone understands how much i love this book, i had so much fun writing it and genuinely just getting back into the swing of things. this really helped me overcome my writers block and i feel like i've fallen back in love completely with writing again.

this has romance, angst, chatfic writing — it's a cliche player reformed high school au but hopefully you guys will still enjoy it as much as i had when writing it!!!