[ Of butterflies and warning signs- if I wasn't obessesed with a perfection that doesn't exist]

❝BUTTERFLIES are warning signs when they're for someone you can't have.❞

This was something Doyoung had grown to understand, and relate with. Being the first guy on everybody's contact list and yet never actually being able to be the first in their priority list had given Doyoung lots of wisdom. Once upon a time, he used to be a lovestruck fool too, not aware of the acts of infidelity happening on the other side of the phone.

Now he is the one smirking down at the lovers of his lovers, knowing full well that the sweet nothings they were being told were only lies to cover up the sinful acts of temptation - the consequences of loneliness and being neglected in a relationship - that was taking place right under the clueless lovers' noses.

Doyoung was fine with being the other guy, the rebound, the one that warmed the empty sheets on lonely nights, the replacement. He didn't take it to heart. For him, it was just no-string-attached sex. He wasn't in love or anything, he was just good at fooling people to believe he was in love with them, to the point that they were willing to risk their relationships for him.

Yes, Doyoung had never fit in, he was the outcast, the misfit, the neglected son. But that doesn't mean he wasn't desired.

As long as feelings didn't get involved, Doyoung was fine with playing along. A part of him actually enjoyed it all to a great extent. It wasn't doing him any harm anyway.

But if you play with fire, you're bound to get burned right?

Doyoung was told to distance himself from the fire many times, but the flames reached out to him eventually and he chose to fuck it and get involved instead. But if you ask him, he doesn't regret it, even if it left scars that will probably never heal, he will never regret it.

For he loved her so much, he just wanted to be in her life in some way, romantically or not, even if it's a rebound. If given the option, he would like to keep her all to himself - in fact, he didn't only just want her, he wanted to hold such a position in her life where she would be able to depend on him - but fate was cruel on him like always. Because she was never his to keep.

Doyoung cherishes his memories with her as if they were as worthy as golds and diamonds, which to him, they were. He still remembers each and every moment spend with her as if they had taken place just yesterday.

"Yah, Kim Doyoung! Why did you push me? Now I am wet." Raeim spit the water out of her mouth, arms crossed in front of her chest as she glared at the said boy.

Maybe it was because her angry face was hilarious, but Doyoung found himself laughing uncontrollably, holding his knees for support as he looked down at her.

"What are you laughing at?!" Raeim yelled, annoyance coursing through her veins. "First you push me in the water and now you're laughing. I really shouldn't have said anything at all-- you're impossible."

Doyoung only continued to laugh, pointing his finger at her, "You- you like a potato with eyes." He said. Obviously not meaning it, because she didn't look like a potato, no, she looked beautiful but of course he won't ever admit that out loud.

Raeim pouted, swimming across to where Doyoung was standing, taking hold of his legs and dragging him down to the water with her.

An yelp left Doyoung's mouth as he fell into the water with a splash, flailing his arms violently as he struggled to maintain balance. "The fuck did you do that for?!" He asked, pointing his finger, accusingly, at Raeim.

The said girl stuck out her tongue playfully, splashing water at him, "It's payback." Before swimming away a little far from him, tempting him to catch up to her.

"Hey, wait right there!"

"No! Catch me if you can!"

The next hour or two were spent playing around, racing to see who would swim to the other side of the pool first, splashing each other with water, cracking lame jokes and collapsing into laughter.

Doyoung laughed, genuinely, for the first time in a long while. His nose scrunching up and eyes forming into crescents as a wide smile appeared on his face, the butterflies on his stomach going wild as the realization sinked in.

He was in love.

And there absolutely no way to deny it so he just accepted it. And although he didn't disclose the fact to anybody, a part of him always hoped that in some miraculous way, his feelings would be reciprocated.

And on one faithful night where after one two many drinks, the drunk confessions came pouring out - Doyoung realized he had a chance that he couldn't ever actually use.

"A part of me does have feelings for you and a part of me will always have them, though I will keep them buried deep down, they will always be there but you will never get it out of me, I will deny everything till the end."

The case was hence, closed. But of course, it's only human nature to not being able to take the damn hint till reality slaps you in the face.

"Doyoung, who are we even waiting for?" One of his friends and the ring leader of the group, Moon Ji-Ho, asked. "Just a friend of mine, she will be here any minute now." Doyoung answered, tensing up as he felt Ji-Ho draping his arm on his shoulders as he shot Doyoung a teasing grin.

"Ooh is it a girlfriend? Did our little Doyoungie finally get a girlfriend?" Ji-Ho cheesed, fluttering his eye lashes in a joking manner as the annoyed look on Doyoung's face brought him great joy.

"She is not a-" Doyoung started to speak only to get off by Ji-Ho, again.

"GUYS! DOYOUNG'S HAVING A GIRLFRIEND OVER!" The chubby boy screamed, gaining the attention of the rest of the boys as they also started cheering like monkeys.

To say Doyoung was embarrassed was an understatement, the feeling of having a bunch of obnoxiously loud boys cheering his name as they jumped around him, in the middle of a public place where people were looking at them and laughing was one that will haunt him forever.

As his friends continued with their antics, Doyoung spotted Raeim from afar, walking towards him. Eyes widening in fear, he quickly smacked Ji-Ho on the shoulder and glared at the rest of the boys.

"Shut up you idiots, do you want to embarrass me in front of her?" He whisper-yelled, making the gang go quiet in an instant as Raeim walked closer to them, a small smile on her face.

"Hello." She greeted, waving her hands at the group of boys who had freezed in their places, looking at her with big heart eyes.

Doyoung cleared his throat, moving his gaze from his friends to Raeim, an awkward tight lipped smile forming on his face. "Hey Rae-"

"HELLO DOYOUNG'S GIRLFRIEND!" The boys shouted together, so synchronized that it was almost creepy.

Raeim froze, staring awkwardly at Doyoung coughed violently, knowing he had a lot of explaining to do later.

A few minutes later and his friends had left to go on the rides they wanted to go to, leaving him alone with Raeim. As the two walked side by side in a silence that was no longer as awkward, they spared each other a glance or two time to time.

"So . . . why did you want to go out with me all of a sudden?" Raeim asked, moving closer to Doyoung. "Because I wanted to?" Doyoung replied, rolling his eyes as he took Raeim's hand in his, not exactly minding it as it was something he did often.

"Well then, are we not gonna do anything other than just walking around? I am getting bored." Raeim whined, swinging her and Doyoung's hand as they walked together. "Ah! I know! Let's ride the rollercoaster." She suggested, her eyes lighting up in excitement.

"No."

"Oof, then to the Ferris Wheel?"

"Nah."

"The dragon ship?"

"I just ate."

"Then win me something!" Raeim exclaimed, tightening her hands around Doyoung as she dragged him towards the game booth, where you if you own, you will get a stuffed toy as your prize.

"Fine but don't expect too much from me. I might lose." Doyoung said, starting the game. Even though it was difficult to win especially when the teddy bear kept on falling from the mechanical hand, Raeim's expectant face was enough to get him to win.

As he handed her the stuffed teddy bear, her lips formed the biggest smile he had ever seen her wear and in his stomach, he could feel the butterflies starting to flutter again.

But before Raeim could open her mouth to thank him, a very familiar voice said her name, a warm hand clasping over hers as the familiar figure of a boy stepped next to her.

"Raeim, we need to talk."

And so Doyoung was left behind, the teddy bear left abandoned in his hand as he watched Raeim's figure fading away as she went with the boy who had oh-so-rudely interrupted his and Raeim's time together and dragged her away.

"Now it's just you and me buddy, just you and me." He whispered, holding the teddy bear close to his chest.

From that day onwards, Doyoung had grown a special kind of hate towards that boy. Or did he even actually hate him? Doyoung wasn't sure but what he was sure of was that he absolutely envied the guy, he was jealous, extremely jealous. If it was upto him, he would have pushed the boy right out of his and Raeim's life.

But if Raeim was the fire Doyoung was playing with then he was the fire extinguisher. The guy had sort of just waltzed in Doyoung's life and took Raeim away in a matter of seconds, without even doing much.

Or that's what Doyoung thought, because up till now, whatever he did do, for her, was already done by said new boy who wasn't exactly the new boy- but rather someone who's job he's been doing all this time.

Ah, sweet, sweet reality.

Doyoung had secretly started to put the blame of every single mistake he had ever made, on the new guy. He was being petty, he knew but in his eyes, all his problems started only because of this certain person.

But exactly how long will he blame everything on another person?

If he was the one that made the mistakes, then why was he putting the blame on someone else?

Doyoung needed to move on, he had to. He needed to put himself on top. He needed to stop holding on to feelings that will never be fully reciprocated.

But could he do it? Would he do it?

"If you put yourself above everything for once, so what? If your feelings can't be reciprocated then simply learn to move on, so what?" The familiar voice flooded his thoughts, drowning out the other noises as it echoed in his ears.

The pendulum clock started to swing and make it's usual 'dong!' sound as both the hour and the minute hand stopped at 12. Doyoung downed yet another glass of whiskey, he planned on getting wasted tonight.

It was twelve at midnight, the hour where Cinderella's magic weared off and her carriage turned back into a pumpkin.

Oddly for Doyoung, 12 o clock is when the magic begins, not ends.

"So I was called here to come and take your drunk ass home." You chuckled, pushing your hands in the pockets of your white blazer as you leaned in close to Doyoung's confused self. "Awwe do you want me to give you a piggy back ride, Dodo?" You cooed at him, poking his cheeks to annoy him.

"Can you not? I am not in the mood." Doyoung shot you a glare before burying his face in his hands. "Out of everybody on my contact list, they had to call you."

"Yes because you still have those heart emojis next to my name. Baejin thought we still keep in contact." You said, taking a seat next to him as you brushed the strands of hair out his face. "Cheer up, elimination round is over and now you got nothing to lose. You dropped your heart for her, but she picked up Taeyong's."

Doyoung held your hand and shoved it away from his face, scoffing in annoyance. "Thank you so much for bringing that up because I definitely needed a reminder of how messed up my love life is." Words dripping in sarcasm, he frowned like a child.

"Actually yes, a constant reminder is much needed if you ever wanna step out of this mess. The only happy ending to a one sided love is by moving on from it." You pointed out, pouring a bit of whiskey for yourself.

"You think I don't already know that?"

"Well I'd only be more disappointed if you actually knew."

"Of course."

A serene silence followed as you both drowned in your thoughts. It was ironic almost- how much you two hated each other yet in moments like this, you would rather be with him than anybody else and so would he.

"I won't judge you." You said, reaching out your hand to hold his as you threw him a smile.

"I know." He replied, grateful for your presence in that moment.

But that was two years ago and now, you wouldn't miss a chance to remind him how much of a loser he was and how much you hated him.

"Do you still get butterflies, Doyouie?" You asked, almond eyes staring at his hooded ones.

"Yes." He answered, leaning his face close to yours as he looked at you with a smirk on his face. "I still do get butterflies."

"Then, dear Doyoung . . ." You trailed off, taking his hand and turning it so his palm was facing upwards, you took a pen from your purse and started writing on his palm with it. "Read it once I step out of the bar, I will wait for five minutes, if you want, you can follow me outside." You told him, standing up from your seat as you fixed your blazer and took your purse, winking at him before walking out of the bar.

Once you left, Doyoung looked down at his palm, slowly reading the words you had written down on it.

'Do you want to go looking for dragonflies instead?'