❝Make sure nobody sees you leave, hood over your head, keep your eyes down.❞

Hyunjin's touch was a gentle caress, lightly brushing on your skin. His grip on you, however, was strong. He holds on to you like it was your last day together, as if he'd never be able to hold you again. He held you as if you were truly his-- and for a moment everything felt perfect, with you in his arms, laying on his bare chest as he held you and played with your hair.

❝Tell your friends you're out for a run, you'll be flushed when you return.❞

The air between you two was serene, silent, intimate. It felt so calm and still, as if time had stopped, and yet, it made you feel so troubled, dreading the time this will have to come to an end.

But you know what you had signed up for-- you knew from the very start, from that night when you willingly jumped into his arms and not your boyfriend's. You knew that by the end of this, two hearts will break and yet you willingly participated in this affair.

❝Take the road less traveled by, tell yourself you can always stop.❞

You also knew Hwang Hyunjin didn't do love-- he was notoriously known for breaking the hearts of many but his never had been broken, he had never ever fallen in love. Not even with you-- even though you were the only person who he had been with for more than 2 months. He had broken up with you in your ninth month together, simply because he couldn't find himself falling in love. You had accepted it though-- it was typical of him. You had seen it coming but that didn't stop your heart from breaking.

But if Hyunjin didn't love you, why did he stick around even after the breakup? Helping you with everything, staying beside you when you were lonely and needed someone to keep you company, holding you when you needed to be held-- even if that was something your boyfriend should have been doing.

❝What started in beautiful rooms, ends with meetings in parking lots.❞

Because those few minutes of holding each other, looking at each other, secretly, from a distance, looking away as your eyes meet, pouring your heart out to him in the dead of the night as he silently listened. All of this had led you to that night, his lips on yours, making his way to your neck, marking what he believes is his. His name falling from your lips, your grip on his shoulders tight, your eyes pulling him in. With you standing right there, in front of him, your shoulder exposed and covered with his marks. How could he resist you anymore?

So he didn't.

❝And that's thing about illicit affairs, and clandestine meetings and longing stairs.❞

And that was exactly how your secret liaison started. From him picking you up from school early so that no one would notice, and taking you to his apartment, to quietly sneaking into your room at midnight, to keep your father from finding out. He would take you away whenever he had the chance, just wanting to spend some time with you. And you went with him, because you wanted the same thing, to spend some alone time with him.

❝It's born from just one single glance but it dies and it dies and it dies, a million little times.❞

Being with Hyunjin is like chasing something you can never have, but still doing it for the thrill. It's like the smell of cigarettes as you sat at the backseat of his car, making out. It's like breaking every single damn rule you had lived by all your life and enjoying the freedom. It's like drinking at the top of an abandoned building. It's like making reckless decisions and not caring about the consequences. It's like falling in love knowing full well that you're going to leave with a bruised and broken heart.

❝Leave your perfume on the shelf, that you picked out just for him.❞

It's a beautiful feeling but you shouldn't be feeling it.

Yet you couldn't help it, you only found yourself falling deeper for Hyunjin.

❝So you leave no trace behind, like you don't even exist.❞

He had shown you colors that you couldn't see with anyone else. He had taught you a love language that you could only use to speak to him, and no one else because no one else would understand. He had taken his feelings and turned them into colors, using them on you as if you were a blank canvas that needed to be smeared with paint.

❝Take the words for what they are, a dwindling mercurial high.❞

When his lips attached to your neck again, you couldn't stop the feeling of guilt from creeping up to you. You knew how unfair this was for your boyfriend, how disgusting it was and how heartbroken he would be if he came to know but whenever you were with Hyunjin, you couldn't give a damn about it all even if you wanted to.

❝A drug that only worked, the first few hundred times.❞

You could just lay there, as Hyunjin whispered sweet nothings in your ear, pulling you close, telling you how much he loves you and you believe it. You believe it all, despite knowing that half of them were just lies. Or maybe they were the truth, but a truth that fades over time and eventually becomes a lie.

❝And that's the thing about illicit affairs,

You know full well that one day your feelings will also eventually fade away, and there will be nothing left, except your memories. Hyunjin will also be a ghost, living deep in your heart, a significant memory stashed away as your biggest secret, eating dust.

and clandestine meetings,

But right now, you didn't care. You didn't want-- no, need to think about that 'one day', the immense pleasure you felt at the moment drowned out your thoughts. Nothing made sense, other than the feeling of Hyunjin's lips all over your body and you wished it would stay that way. For as long as possible.

and stolen stares.❞

You could ignore the numerous calls and messages from your friends and boyfriend if it meant staying with him a little longer. They didn't matter as much, not as much as Hyunjin did. But all good things had to come to an end, right?

❝They show their truth one single time but they lie and they lie and they lie, a million little times.❞

You could feel yourself getting irritated as Hyunjin looked down at you with a frown, silently telling you that it was time to go but you didn't want to leave just yet. You hugged him closer, his lips just above yours, as you looked up at him innocently, pleading him to not go with your eyes. And Hyunjin almost melted then and there but he caught himself from falling for your tricks, looking at you with an apologetic expression.

❝And you wanna scream,❞

"Baby, I have to go--"

❝Don't call me kid, don't call me baby. Look at this Godforsaken mess that you made me.❞

"Don't call me that." You cut him off, pouting like a child who was denied what they wanted.

❝You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else.❞

Hyunjin sighed, pushing his hair back as he spoke again, "I need to go, Y/n."

❝Don't call me kid, don't call me baby. Look at this idiotic fool that you made me.❞

"No." You said stubbornly, the tears stinging at the corner of your eyes.

❝You taught me a secret language I can't speak with anyone else.❞

"Yes." He replied, a sad smile forming on his face, "Yes, I do and you know that so don't make it harder than it has to be."

❝And you know damn well, for you, I would ruin myself.❞

Through your blurry vision, you could see him putting on his clothes and making his way out of the room, not sparing you another glance in fear that he won't be able to make it out. And it shattered your heart, but you could only sit still on your bed and watch him leave.

❝A million little times.❞

Cause at the end of day, Hwang Hyunjin wasn't yours to chase and you weren't his to keep.

A/n : Yes, I know this is from the tumblr acc hanjishit and I want to make clear that it is my acc so no, I am not stealing.