On New Years Day, they all took a trip to Lake Powell. Vallie said she knew a spot that shouldn't be too crowded, but she wore large sunglasses and kept her head down anyways. She told them that with her dyed hair, contacts, and glasses, she had never been recognized, but she still seemed fearful of being out specifically with them.

Vallie drove her car with Juliet, Ophelia, and Marc. Amory drove his rental with Caspar, Lou, and Nadia. Vallie's car ride involved a lot of baby shark and laughing between the passengers, whilst Amory's car ride was mostly silent. The night prior had been a shock to their nervous systems, effectively wiping their brains clean and making it nearly impossible to piece together coherent thoughts.

The night before, Caspar and Lou had stolen themselves away, because Vallie was right; Lou was going to put herself first. Even if they were angry or sad or hurt or confused, they were going to choose each other, and keep choosing each other, and that was going to start with a chaste kiss as the clock struck midnight. Through Hell or high water, they would no longer run.

The two cars pulled into a state park and parked their cars, then Vallie guided them to a trail. Juliet was fastened in a baby sling around Vallie's front, bundled tightly with a hat on her ears. It was a surprisingly warm day for January, in the mid 60s without a cloud in the sky. Still, they wore their jackets, and they hiked in near silence.

Eventually, they made it to the lake. It stuck out almost like a mirage, serene blue-green waters surrounded by nothing but sand and dirt. It was stunning, and it felt like it was all theirs. Vallie laid out a blanket and took a seat, worrying herself with Juliet, while the others gaped at the view. Marc sat down the cooler they had brought beside Vallie then began making his way towards the water, the others quickly in tow.

It was far too cold to swim, of course, but that did not mean they could not marvel at the beauty of it all. Lou even found herself smiling, something that felt foreign on her lips after months of a set look of indifference.

It was not windy, and thus the waves were not wild. The water almost looked peaceful, despite its power to overtake. On another day, the waves might crash against the shore and pull boats under and roar with their intensity, but today they were calm. Today, there was peace.

The group spent the afternoon there, switching between quietly talking and laughing and chasing each other about. Vallie sat back through it all, watching the people who once were closest to her live as people she no longer knew. People she no longer had a right to.

Lou and Caspar ended up trailing away from the others, walking silently along the shoreline. Lou reached for Caspar's hand and intertwined their fingers, and Caspar could only smile to himself in response. When they got a good distance away, they paused and breathed it all in. Caspar kneeled down and picked up a stone, his right hand still tangled in Lou's, and tossed the rock into the water. It did not skip the way he had hoped, probably because he was not used to doing so with his left hand, but he didn't mind.

Lou skipped a stone next, with much more success than Caspar, then smiled up at him widely. The sun was high in the sky behind him, framing him like a halo. She couldn't help but think that he was beautiful, and warm, and right. A few months ago, that may have scared her, she may have thought that she was unworthy of something so good. Now, though, she knew he wanted her, and she'd be foolish to think Caspar didn't know what was best for himself.

"When we leave here," Caspar breathed out after a moment, feeling somewhat anxious. The last time he asked this question, he had not gotten the response he had hoped for. "What's next?"

"Well," Lou paused, squinting up at him. "I'll still be going back to Portland, and you'll still be going back to Pittsburgh. So, what do you want to happen next?"

"I want us to keep doing this." Caspar responded firmly. "If that's what you want, I mean."

"I told you, Cas, I'll be in your life however you'll have me." Lou muttered softly, leaning up on her toes to press a soft kiss to his jaw. Caspar shivered at the touch and squeezed his eyes shut. "I meant what I said."

Caspar opened his eyes again, searching her face for any sense of doubt or fear. Instead, he just found her wide soft eyes, looking at him like he was the sun itself; keeping her warm and alive through it all. Lou didn't look like she was going to run, but instead looked like she couldn't imagine ever being more content.

"It will be hard." Caspar warned, trying to see if she wanted out.

"My whole life's been hard." Lou shrugged, tugging on his hand to resume their walking as they talked. "I think it'll be nice if the hard stuff actually leads to something good in the end."

So, Caspar kissed her again. Kissed her like he had done it a million times before. Kissed her like it was the only thing he knew how to do. Lou kissed back just as easily, just as kind and loving and sure as he was. It wasn't monumental, and it did not need to be, because a monumental kiss was either the first or the last; and this was surely neither.

Caspar didn't argue anymore after that, because he believed her. He also believed that they could make it work; that no amount of rivers or roads or mountains or valleys would be enough to drive them apart. They were two people on a collision course, always finding their way back to one another. For so long they had thought the that the adverse conditions meant that they were not right for one another, that they themselves were the disasters, but now the light was shining in and they could see that every roadblock was just a sign pointing to one another.

Lou had spent a lot of time contemplating her various disasters, trying to put together the pieces and find any semblance of meaning. Now, with Caspar's hand warm in her own, she was resigned to the fact that maybe not everything had a purpose. Maybe sometimes things were out of her control, but that did not negate her innate sense of choice. She could choose. And keep on choosing. And she would start by choosing Caspar. And she would smile in the face of her picture perfect future crumbling before her.

This one seemed brighter, anyways.

✩✰✩

Amory sat further down on the shoreline, watching as Lou and Caspar wandered hand in hand, growing smaller in his vision. He did not tear his eyes away from them, a smile ever present on his face. Maybe he could make a list of everything wrong in his life at the moment, but he could also make a list of all the good, and Lou letting herself be happy would be number one.

Nadia thought about what Lou said to her as she eyed Amory out of the corner of her eye. She made up her mind, strolling towards him quietly before bending down scooping up a handful of water. She splashed it at him and he sputtered, gasping before turning towards her with wild eyes and a shocked laugh. That meant war, obviously, so she ran off down the shoreline, Amory hot on her heels.

They splashed each other for a bit, continuing even when their hands got cold and their jackets damp. Eventually, Amory conceded, because he knew Nadia never would. He sat back in the sand and raised his hands in a sign of defeat, and Nadia took a seat beside him.

"Do you think they're in love?" Amory asked after a moment, nodding his head towards Caspar and Lou. Lou was laughing, and Caspar looked positively pleased by the sight.

"You wouldn't know what love was if it hit you over the head, huh?" Nadia raised her eyebrows, glancing between the two and Amory. Amory looked back at her, appearing somewhat bashful.

"So I'm learning." He muttered, and Nadia furrowed her brows. He thought about his conversation with Vallie for a moment, then pushed her out of his brain as he thought of exactly what he wanted to say. "If I would have asked you out in college, what would you have said?"

"No, probably." Nadia pulled her knees up to her chest, hugging her arms around them. "I didn't have time for serious relationships back then."

"And do you now?" Amory raised his eyebrows, which earned him a small smirk from Nadia.

"No, probably not." She knocked her shoulder into him. "Why do you ask?"

"Something Vallie said just has me thinking." Amory shrugged, noticing the way Nadia tensed up at the mention of Vallie's name. Amory glanced back over his shoulder at Vallie, and found her holding up Juliet with the widest smile on her face. "I think you've always been it for me, Nads, in a way that hasn't ever really been fair to you."

"How do you mean?" Nadia recovered, furrowing her brows.

"Just... I think I put you on a pedestal, decided it was you or nothing. Without ever really realizing it, I turned down a lot of things that could have been really good because they didn't live up to your standard. And what I didn't realize, either, was that you weren't that standard either. Just the idea of you, I guess. I never tried for you, never put in any effort or got too close. Not to the real you."

Nadia felt somewhat wounded by his words, but then realized that perhaps she had done the same thing. Did she have romantic feelings for Amory, or did she just like the way he was protective and wild and competitive and fun? Did either of them truly know the other?

Nadia tried to imagine a place for Amory in her life, outside of being her friend. She tried to imagine him in her European apartment, and she scrunched up her nose. The thought of him switching off Italian soap operas to turn on a football game or his sweaty clothes in her hamper made her skin crawl. She loved Amory, she did, but she could only love him at a distance. Too close, and they'd ignite. They would burst into flames.

"I think we've always been on different pages." Nadia sighed, speaking the revelation more to herself than to him. "I'm not giving up my dreams, and you're not giving up yours, and we're both too stubborn to compromise."

Amory hummed in agreement, then threw an arm around her shoulder. He loved her, he knew he did, he just wasn't sure that he could ever love her in the way she deserved. His gut feelings had been right all along; they were not two halves that made a whole romantically, but two flames that would tire and burn out. Neither of them could stoke the other.

Amory also knew that he did not love Vallie, not in the way that she wanted him to. He was not coming to realizations about Nadia simply to pick up with her; no, he was coming to realizations about himself. He had wanted a fairytale he had never worked for, and there was a whole world out there full of women that could be it. He now had the power to start writing the pages.

After a few quiet moments, Nadia decided that she felt too dragged down by the awkward tension in the air. She raised from her spot in the sand, dusting off the back of her jeans, then pulled Amory up as well. Ophelia and Marc were drawing pictures in the sand, whispering to one another, so she did not want to disturb them. Instead, she spotted a warning sign down the shoreline, the opposite way of Lou and Caspar, and smirked.

"Race you to the sign?" Nadia arched a brow.

Amory seemed to ponder the offer for a minute, before he broke out into a wide smile and began running without warning. Nadia huffed out an annoyed sigh, muttering that he was a cheater, before chasing off after him.

Perhaps they were not it for each other, but in someways they were. Even if they didn't make sense, even if they were matches who should not get too close, they could not stop the way they would always love one another. In a way that made sense to them.

✩✰✩

"No, it's a cat, see!" Marc whined as Ophelia wheezed. Her eyes were watering from her laughter, because when she looked at the sand all she saw was a messy blob with a smile. Marc huffed, though he was not truly annoyed. "Clearly, I should not go into decorative baking."

"No, no, it's beautiful. I totally see it." Ophelia nodded, wiping at her eyes. "But, yeah. Stick to cooking. If you need a baker, I'll do it for you."

"You bake?" Marc raised his eyebrows, finding the statement entirely unbelievable.

"Well, no. But how hard could it be?"

"Harder than cooking pasta." Marc muttered and Ophelia gasped in faux-offense. She pushed gently on his arm, and Marc began to laugh as well.

After settling down, Ophelia began to trace a stick through the sand. She drew a couple of squiggles, then a sun, then she stole a glance at Marc before drawing a little stick figure of him as well. She gave the picture a comically large smile, one that she wished she could plaster on the real thing for the rest of time. Marc watched her actions, smiling a bit as she wrote his name in the sand, then an arrow pointing towards the stick figure.

"I'm going to take the internship in New Orleans." Marc spoke. It was the first time he had said the words aloud, and there was no other person in the world he'd rather share the news with. Ophelia paused her drawing, slowly looking up at him. "I'm going to tell my family when we get back, and I'm going to do it."

"Marc..." Ophelia whispered out. He had only a second before she was flinging herself towards him, wrapping her arms around his neck with such force that they both tumbled back.

"Woah, hey, you're acting like I just told you I won the lottery." Marc laughed out breathlessly, though his hands came up to rest on her back. He played it off lightly, but he couldn't help the warmth blooming in his chest.

"You may as well have!" Ophelia pulled back, pinning him to the ground with her hands in the sand on either side of his head. "This is... This is huge for you!"

Then all at once, it hit Ophelia what this truly meant. He would be leaving her. Of course she was happy for him, of course she wanted nothing more than for all of his dreams to come true, but some small selfish part of her wished that they could come true while she was at his side. That was something she would never speak aloud, though. She would never dampen his happiness, because he had enough of that already.

Despite her keeping her thoughts to herself, Marc could almost read the worry on her face. In an instant, his smile fell away and he was gently sitting up, easing her back to sit on her knees. He placed a calming hand on her cheek, pushing one of her braids behind her ear in the process. Slowly, he leaned forward and rested his forehead against hers.

"I'm not going anywhere." Marc whispered. "Your whole life, Ophelia, you have given so much to those around you and expected nothing else in return. You have given, and they have took, and that has always been it. But I'm not going to be like that." Ophelia squeezed her eyes shut, and Marc took in a shaky breath. "You gave me strength, and I'm not just going to take it and run. I'll give you whatever you want in the whole damn world."

Ophelia wanted to kiss him, but it still was not the time. They could not start something now, not when he was leaving. That would just make things harder for both of them, and Ophelia wanted nothing more than for all of this to finally be easy for him.

"All I want is for you to be happy." Ophelia whispered back, finally opening her eyes.

So Marc kissed her. Because that was what would make him happy, and he said he'd give her anything.

Ophelia could have lost herself in that kiss, could have drifted off into a far away world soothed only by his lips and the soft crashing of the waves against the shore. So, when he pulled back, and did not take anything further from her, and simply stayed there just as she wanted, she knew she must be in heaven.

They continued to talk lightly for a few moments, all smiles and blushes and tentative touches, then they pulled themself from the sand and made their way up to Vallie. Marc rummaged through the cooler a bit, pulling himself out a water bottle and a container of cut up fruit, then asked if the other two wanted anything. They both declined.

Ophelia cooed at Juliet, taking her from Vallie's arms when Vallie offered. After a bit, Marc told them he was going to catch up with Amory and Nadia (who were now about to have their third rematch of the race) and waved to them goodbye.

Ophelia could feel Vallie watching her and Juliet. She glanced over, finding Vallie's eyes were filled with tears that had not yet fallen, a sad smile on her face. Ophelia immediately was overcome with concern, resting Juliet against her knee as she looked more fully at Vallie. Vallie sniffled and looked away, wiping at her eyes, and Ophelia got it.

Her heart sank.

"You're going to run again, aren't you?" Ophelia's mouth felt so dry, she was surprised she got the words out.

Vallie did not answer, but instead kept looking out at the waves. That was an answer in itself.

"No." Ophelia shook her head firmly, hugging Juliet to her like Vallie might grab her and run any second.

"It's not safe, Lia." Vallie croaked out, finally looking over. "It hasn't even been a year, and you all were able to find me. My case is hardly even cold; if the cops find me, we're all going down. My mother, too."

"No." Ophelia shook her head more vehemently, tears of her own welling in her eyes. "We just got you back, Vallie. No."

Vallie didn't respond again, but instead gently pried one of Ophelia's arms away from Juliet and laced their fingers together. Her grip was so strong that it almost hurt, like she was trying to squeeze all of the love she felt out through her hand. Ophelia squeezed back just as tightly, her tears beginning to fall in big ugly droplets. She bounced Juliet on her knee, the action making the baby babble, despite the fact it was really just an attempt to keep herself calm.

"You can't do this to me again." Ophelia pleaded weakly, desperately, though she could no longer look at Vallie.

"In a few years, when the dust has settled, I will reach out to you again. I will be in your life if you will have me, but I can't risk it right now. Juliet needs a parent." Vallie was clearly trying to be strong, but it sounded like she was also trying to convince herself.

"It wouldn't be my dream life without you in it." Ophelia whispered, referencing the words Vallie had spoke to her two years earlier at her wedding. Vallie let out a loud sob at that, resting the side of her head against Ophelia's and shaking against her.

They stayed like that for several moments, just crying and staring out at the beauty before them. Ophelia could see Marc eyeing them over his shoulder, and eventually Amory was looking as well. Nadia never glanced back. When Lou and Caspar made their way back to the others, they talked and smiled for a bit, though Ophelia could not hear them. Amory leaned towards Lou and whispered something, then her eyes were on Vallie and Ophelia. Then Caspar's. All of them watching their descent from a distance.

"Are you going to tell the others?"

"If I've learned anything, it's that keeping things from you all does not work." Vallie sighed, regaining a bit of her composure. She sat up straighter, tear-swollen eyes staring out at the others. It seemed they were having a debate on whether or not they should approach.

"Where are you going to go?" Ophelia questioned, knowing Vallie would never tell her.

"Haven't decided yet." Vallie sighed. "Though, I think I'll have to change my name for good measure. Maybe dye my hair again, too. What do you think, how would I suit black hair?"

Ophelia let out a sad, tired little laugh, though the sparkle was back in her eye. She looked at Vallie once more, taking in her features; the ones that weren't quite Vallie, like the blonde hair and blue eyes, as well as the ones so distinct to her, like the slope of her nose and the wrinkles by her eyes. Vallie would suit anything, she thought.

"Yeah, I think that'd be nice." Ophelia smiled weakly.

Vallie squeezed her hand, and then the others began making their way towards them. They all wore sheepish smiles, save for Nadia who kept her eyes trained away. Ophelia wondered how the rest would take the news, wondered if they, too, would be as broken by it as her. Then, Juliet started cooing and Amory rushed forward like a man charmed, leaning down to tickle at her stomach, and all of it fell away.

She had that moment. That one moment, with the people she loved, and she wasn't going to ruin it by worrying what was to come next.

---

this came much sooner than I had expected to upload it, but I am not mad about it. one more chapter then a little epilogue, y'all :')

and to alyssa and tal, vallie's hair was always going to change again, but the black suggestion was just for y'all <3