𝐊𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐚𝐦, 𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟑

"What did you mean back then?" Kol questioned, his pinky still wrapped around hers as they walked through the warmly lit streets of the Barrel.

She hummed, unsure of what he was referring to.

"When you said Rollins was back. I thought he was in prison."

"He was. We fought against each other in Hellshow and he got a tad injured. He escaped from the nurses' quarters. For a long time, I thought he had died from blood loss until I received a letter on my desk."

Kol remembered it. He had been sitting on her couch like normal, Juniper seated on her chair as she looked through papers. He had watched as she pulled out a folded envelope, confusion barely visible in her gaze as she opened it.

Her heart hadn't even changed as she read the few words typed into the pristine white paper.

"What is it?" he had asked only for her to shake her head as she set the letter back on her desk. "Nothing important. Just an old invoice."

He had thought nothing of it at the time. She went through invoices all the time, old and new, most being from when she had to ship in a new liquor supply for the times she challenged Matthias to drinking contests.

"What did the letter say?" He asked, feeling as her pinky held him tighter. She was barely breathing, he could hear her heartbeat as she tried to slow it down. But even as his touch reminded her of Wylan, she didn't let go of him.

"It said their names."

"Was there a location written on it?"

She shook her head silently as she fought the urge to let go of his hand. Water was pooling at her ankles, desperately fighting its way to submerge her. "I went to all of his businesses, even the ones I blew up but he wasn't there. He's probably not even in Ketterdam anymore."

"I could find a witch to do a locator spell," He suggested, knowing she didn't trust herself to use her own magic or her science.

"I already tried," She spoke, pulling out a red ribbon from her pocket, "This was his fake daughter's, he had bought it for her. When the witch tried she saw nothing."

"And he probably is going by a new alias as well," He muttered, remembering the small amounts she had told from the time she met Jakob Hertzoon.

"Mhm. Guess I should've killed him when I had the chance."

"You'll get another one," He promised, "And I'll be there to hold him down."

Juniper chuckled softly, "You'd probably be better than Jesper. He had to vomit the last time he helped me."

Her fingers moved slowly till they held onto his ring and pinky finger. He didn't feel like Wylan's bloated body, his skin didn't feel rotten or squishy, he felt soft and warm.

He reminded her of the warm hot chocolate she and Wylan drank every day in the coffeehouse, of the nights she spent huddled between her brothers in their single bed, of the waffles her father made once a week, the meal steaming as he placed it in front of the three siblings.

He reminded her of home and so she latched onto that feeling as she grasped his hand entirely, his warmth mixing with her own as their fingers interlocked.

— — —

Juniper worked slowly against her aversion to touch. It started with the slight touches of hand, then onto the verbal affection.

"Come sit with me."

"Come have a drink with me."

"Help me with this plan?"

"Please, come closer."

It was small, just the bare minimum of affection she could offer but he accepted it with open arms. Then she moved to her possessions. She would ask the simplest things of him.

"Hold my knife?"

"Make sure Jesper doesn't steal another bottle."

"Hold my gloves?"

The last one was the hardest for Juniper. Knowing one of the last things she had of Kaz's wasn't on her person and instead on someone else had her heart beating out of her chest. But the way he held them close to his chest, protecting the leather with everything in him, slowed it back down.

He knew why she wore them, she had let him into her mind to see the trauma that came before them. So, when she placed them in his hands, it was like she was giving him her heart.

Juniper also thought it was quite adorable the way he glared at anyone who even came close to him when he was holding them.

Then came the compliments. They weren't hard for her to come up with. She always noticed the things she loved about him. She just had trouble voicing it, so she started with the simple things.

"You look nice today."

"You should wear that colour more often."

"You have pretty eyes. The blood on your face really accentuates them."

As she got more comfortable, the pet names started. It started off simple, just the occasional 'good morning, love' and 'sweetheart, have you got my gloves'.

Matthias almost had a stroke when he heard her call Kol honey, meanwhile, Jesper just sat in shock before downing another shot.

And if Kol were lucky, she'd let him call her nicknames behind closed doors. She needed him to know he was special, even if she couldn't say it out loud.

Thanking people was a difficult thing for her, but every time he brought dinner to her office after yet another work-filled day, she never failed to whisper a quiet 'thank you, baby' before delving back into her work.

"I love you," were the words she would whisper every night as he lay asleep in their bed, the wall of pillows separating them. It was like the words burnt her tongue every time she uttered them. Those simple three words terrified her.

The only people she'd ever loved had died for her. Him included. But even with that fear floating close to her mind, she forced herself to say the words.

Touch was a whole different situation. She had built up the tolerance to hold his pinky, even his hand if it were a good day, but anything else made her feel like she was drowning with Kaz on her back and Wylan's dead body beneath her fingertips.

So, she started slow. He had been sitting in the chair she had brought in and placed in front of her desk, nose in one of Inej's books that he had stolen off of her and his free hand resting on her desk.

She had been staring at his hand for what felt like hours, contemplating her next act. The thoughts consumed her mind so much so that she stopped working entirely, her pen lay abandoned on her desk and her papers in a haphazard pile.

Juniper had waited a few more minutes before she reluctantly pulled off her glove and set it on the bare side of her desk before slowly reaching out towards him. Their fingertips had brushed like they had many times before.

No water, she forced herself to think, focusing on the warmth of the pads of his fingers. Her breaths stayed even, deep, but even as she slowly grasped his hand entirely. She couldn't meet his eyes, keeping hers focused on their hands but she knew he was watching her with a smile.

Pride had washed through him, filling his every sense as he heard her heartbeat stay steady even with his hand under hers. It had been the first time she wasn't nearing a panic attack from such simple touches.

Their hands had stayed like that for hours, Kol using his leg and free hand to flip the pages of his book rather than using his other hand, and Juniper delving back into a new heist plan.

She was proud, too. The feeling of his hand interlaced with hers, the feeling of her steady heart, not hearing as her blood pumped hard through her ears.

She worked up from that. Taking his arm in hers as they took their nightly strolls through the dirty streets of Ketterdam, Kol glaring at anyone who so much as looked at them funny.

Juniper would panic from the new touch, but he would quickly ground her, going through her every sense as she kept his arm safely between her own, unable to let go of him.

And then the one thing she had been yearning for ever since she saw him in Hellgate. Kissing. Juniper struggled to breathe just by being close to him. How am I supposed to get close to his face without starting to hyperventilate, she questioned herself each day. But she tries.

Many failed attempts were shared between them, all ending in a fit of laughter after Kol makes a joke about whatever it was he could think about.

She'll get up on her tippy-toes, her hands hovering over his chest, lips millimetres away before she sways back and chickens out. The curse words that flew past her lips every time had him chuckling, only able to think about how adorable she was.

It was like that for weeks until one day she walked up to him and practically demanded him. "Just do it," She told him, her voice strong, though it shaked slightly as the words left her lips.

He had looked up from his book, eyes wide as he stared up at her. "Sorry?"

"Just–" She breathed out, "Just kiss me."

She stood, completely stiff as though she were cosplaying as a board in an upcoming play, her fists clenched tightly at her sides and her heart pounding.

Kol had stood from his chair, not caring that he had lost the page of his book as it fell to the floor.

She closed her eyes, hands going clammy as she felt him hover above her, just inches apart. And then he softly grasped her jacket and pulled her so close that their hips touched.

Her eyes screwed shut from the touch, heavy breaths leaving her mouth. "Please," She whispered, practically begging for the touch she hadn't felt in over a century.

And then his lips met hers. It was soft and fast, just enough to leave her chest pounding. When he pulled back and she opened her eyes, they were glossed over but filled with relief. "Thank you."

She was drowning. He knew it, he could see it in her face and feel it in her racing heart. But that didn't stop her yearning to have his soft lips on hers once again.

But she knew she wasn't ready. So she started elsewhere. Kissing along his hand and once she got comfortable she moved to his shoulder. Through each kiss, they held eye contact, the act giving her a sense of security and him a tell of when to pull away before it got to be too much.

When he got dressed in their bedroom, pulling on a clean shirt she would sneak past him and place a quick kiss on his bare shoulder before sneaking back into her office.

Then his forehead. His temple. His jaw. Each touch so brief he could barely feel them yet even so, they made him feel like he was on the highest point of the universe.

The sweet smile on her face, the look of victory that crossed her eyes as she pulled away from his skin slowly rather than stumbling away in a panic, had his heart practically bursting with adoration.

It had taken her months, nearing a year to get this far. But every step felt like a breath of fresh air. Every little touch, ones that lasted over a minute and even the ones that only lasted a few seconds filled her with accomplishment, especially the praise that followed.

His cheeks were next. The soft skin that could so easily resemble the bloated skin of her brothers had been a great fear of hers, though the second she touched them, she fell in love with the touch.

The feeling of his soft skin under her lips, even just nuzzling her nose against the flesh, had her feeling safe. As she nuzzled her face closer to his, her lips would move to his nose, placing a gentle kiss on the tip before slowly moving away.

And then his lips. He had quickly kissed her that once, but she knew she had to do it herself. She needed to.

So, she thought of it as a job, a way she knew she could understand it. It was a heist and she was stealing a kiss from him.

With those thoughts in mind, she went into stealth mode.

She had watched his every move for hours. Watching as he spoke with Matthias and Inej. Watching as he read alone in their bedroom or on the couch in her office. She observed his every breath as though he were a target.

He had been in her office, sitting in the chair across from her, reading yet another novel from Inej's collection when he moved to grab his glass of water. Juniper had taken that slight diversion of attention as her time to strike.

But he kept the book in his hand as he drank the water. She wanted to throw the pieces of paper out the window into a fire. She wanted the book to suffer.

She worked past the fit she was about to head into and stomped over to him. He looked up as she pulled the book from his hands, threw it across the room and captured his lips.

It was fast and messy but she got the job done. And when she stood up, straightening her back, lips glossy, she nodded, silently congratulating herself as he smiled up at her with a lovesick look.

From there she moved to his neck. Another month of work and she was able to freely kiss along the strip of skin. It was a dangerous area. The feeling of his head tipping back, tilting to the side as his blood pumped rapidly. Feeling his skin thrum under her lips as she sat on his lap.

At first, the kisses never ended well, usually ending with Juniper in a panic in the corner of the room with Kol slowly consoling her from five feet away.

Cuddling used to be one of Juniper's favourite things in the world. Feeling the ones she loved held safely in her arms had brought her comfort in scarce times. And for the longest time, she disregarded the need to feel that security.

But when she and Kol were covered by many layers of clothing, it was surprisingly easy for her to weave her way into his arms. And as she lies on his torso, she doesn't think of her brother's body.

She'd focus on playing with his short brown hair, twisting it around between her fingers, ruffling it around and making him look as though he had slept for a millennium. She would focus on the feeling of his temple beneath her lips as she softly kissed the skin and on the feeling of his heart beating steadily under her hand.

He would wrap his arms around her, quick to bring her to his chest and ever so slowly, she would follow and wrap her arms tightly around him.

Then the layers slowly came off and they had to re-start all their work, moving at a tediously slow pace as they slowly worked their way up to only being in t-shirts and shorts.

Juniper used to love being on the outside of a bed, having the edge to herself, but after being the one to hold onto Wylan's body for hours on end, she became accustomed to the inner side. She would slowly pull the pillows that separated them away and replace them with his body and bask in the warm feeling of his chest against her back.

He knew she had trouble holding him. Every time she tried, she got the sense of holding onto Wylan's body as she swam from the barge. He also knew she liked being held.

Their touches were always calculated, sharing eye contact as they reached for one another. He knew Juniper couldn't stand the feeling of being smothered, so he let her initiate every touch, every hug, every movement of hand.

— — —

Nikolai had called earlier that day, the man raging on about how angry he was with his little sisters 'foolish acts'. The conversation had been long, Juniper having had set her phone on her desk on mute as she worked, occasionally murmuring to act as though she was listening.

Kol had laughed when he walked into her office and heard the almost silent sounds of Nikolai screaming while Juniper cleaned one of her guns, muttering soft 'yeahs' and 'cools' every now and then.

"You are such a fucking moron! Saints forbid you do something smart for once you absolute imbecile, Juniper!" He heard Nikolai shout as he moved to sit on the chair across from her. She smiled at him when he sat down, her hand leaving her gun before slowly grasping his.

"Mhm," She muttered, diverting her attention to a few papers after she set the loaded gun on her desk. "And! To top it all of–"

She muted her microphone as Nikolai continued his rage. "What are you doing up here?" She asked, staring into Kol's dark eyes. "I thought Inej brought you and Jesper out to a parade."

The vampire grinned, slowly fiddling with her fingers, twisting her wedding ring slightly. "I got bored so I wandered around a bit and then I remembered I have a beautiful wife at home and immediately came running."

A chuckle escaped her lips.

"Juniper! You little fucking moron!" Nikolai's voice broke out causing her laugh to louden. Kol grinned widely, "I assume you told him."

She nodded. "He's not taking it well."

"I gathered that," He teased, listening as Nikolai listed off all of Juniper's bad traits, all accompanied by a trail of curses. "What are you doing tonight?"

She smiled, "Why? You askin' me on a date?"

"Is it so wrong of a husband to want to spend time with his perfect wife?"

"Well, I'm very busy," She joked, causing him to laugh, "But I think I can spare some time for you."

"Shall I thank the saints?"

"You should thank yourself. The saints are rarely helpful, especially to those who need them most." Her lips pursed ever so slightly before her smile reappeared as she shook off her memories. "So, where is this date?"

"Juniper! Are you even listening to me?" Nikolai shouted, causing her to chuckle as she pressed a button on her phone before speaking, "Yes, brother. You were going on about how I am an idiot not to be trusted, even with a, and I quote, fucking frying pan."

He breathed out. "Good. Now, I can't believe you fucking went to prison! That was the most idiotic move you could pull! And blowing it up? My god–"

She muted the phone again before standing and pulling him up with her. "Come with me?"

"Anywhere," He quickly spoke, following after her, his hand still held softly in hers.

— — —

The sun slowly set along the horizon, leaving the air golden as tinges of red and orange coloured the sky.

The married couple lay peacefully on the dry grass, a blanket beneath their bodies as they held onto each other's hand and stared up at the sky.

"You know, I never would've taken you for a star-gazing type," Juniper spoke softly as the sun left the sky, leaving the hill they sat on in darkness, only illuminated by the moon and stars.

He grinned, "Who said I was gazing at the stars?"

She glanced over only to see him already staring at her. Juniper rolled her eyes playfully, "Stop flirting."

"Can't help it, Junebug. I like it when you blush."

"You're so annoying," She whispered, her voice about to break into a fit of laughter as she smiled.

He grinned, his hand holding hers a little tighter as he sat up and looked down at her. His smile widened when he saw the red blush which coated her face. "You look cute like that," He muttered, his hand slowly moving down to her face.

Her eyes closed as she felt the warm touch on her cheek. "I love you."

He moved closer to her, his lips hovering above hers, just inches away once more. "I love you, too, my little red bird."

Her head moved up before her lips met his. And just like that, it was like her wounds had sealed themselves.