𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐞 || 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐧𝐞

"You're fine, you're fine! Sit up! Sit up, Maya!" My mother's voice chimes in my ears. As hard as I try to listen, it's hard to sit through one of Wonki's fits. "Let him get it out. Just sit up!"

I roll my eyes as she continues to call out the same instructions. Wonki finally has enough of bucking, and bolts across our small outdoor arena. I force my seat down, making him angry, and try to half halt.

He's been going on like this for fifteen minutes, so it's no surprise when he gives a round of ginormous bucks.

And the ground comes rushing up to meet my chest on impact.

Sunday, December 11th, 2011. Jackman, Maine, 3:01 am

Maya

The second my eyes open, I notice a number of things are wrong.

First, I'm sweating. My house is always cold and the heat I'd never turned up. There's no possible way it could be this hot in December. Especially not in Maine.

Second, my dog's barking. Mia's a quiet dog, she doesn't bark unless my friends come over.

Third, it smells like burnt toast.

The last observation is what gets me moving. Groggily, I turn my neck to peek at my alarm clock. 3:01 am. Who's making toast at 3:00 in the morning? Assuming dad took a morning shift, I close my eyes and try to fall back asleep. Plus, I don't hear Mia anymore.

Before I get the chance, the back storm door slams shut, jolting me upright. Dad never uses the back door, it won't close without a thundering sound, which always wakes the horses.

After hearing the noise, I start to worry. Even though I'm positive I'm just overthinking, I slowly sit up, feeling like I'm in a daze.

Groaning, I kick at the sheets, trying to untangle my leg from its harsh grasp. With another jerk, the fabric releases my leg, giving me the freedom to get out of bed.

I take my time, moving at turtle-speed, trying not to fall asleep. That is, until I hear a gut-wrenching screech.

The noise can't possibly be human. There's no way. The only place I've ever heard that noise...

I'm overcome with a sudden flood of adrenaline. Unsure of what else to do, I start running. Fast.

Out of my bedroom, past my parent's open door, down the stairs, through the kitchen. And finally, out the back door.

As soon as my feet hit the dark-wooded deck, I stop.

The first thought I have isn't to be afraid. No, it's that everything makes sense now.

My second thought, however.

It almost seems like a nightmare. I'd believe it was if I couldn't feel the blazing heat on my face.

The barn, my barn, is engulfed in flames. Dark orange tails snap at the air, trying to find a place to land. Embers float up, just above the fire, then disappear, never to be seen again.

The whole scene is too much to take in. I'm too shocked to react, I'm completely frozen.

Until my brother comes to my rescue. The storm door creaks open behind me, and I feel someone run into me from behind. "Oh, shit," he whispers. I don't know what to say, so I keep my eyes glued to the burning barn.

"Maya!" My brother snaps his fingers in front of my face. I jump, turning my head to look at him. "Come on!" He takes off running, his choppy movements full of fear.

It takes me a second to follow. "Dad!" I scream, my legs suddenly learning to work. I run. As fast as I possibly can, chasing my brother. My legs are shaking, making it considerably harder to run.

My father stands by the gate of our paddock. From the way he's standing, it's clear something's wrong. Otherwise, the paddock gate would be open by now.

"Dad," I pant as Carter and I finally reach him. My brother has a look of pure terror on his face. And he's not one to show fear.

"M, Art, What're you doing?" He asks, clearly too distracted to use our real names.

"We're here to help, daddy," I explain the obvious.

He pants, wiping sweat from his forehead. Our paddocks are practically right next to the barn. Pretty soon, the fence will catch fire, and everything will be ablaze.

I assume that's why Carter starts shouting at me. "What?" I ask, turning around.

Like the annoying older brother he is, Carter rolls his eyes. "When dad opens the gate, a terrified herd of horses is going to charge out of there." I nod. "Okay, you," he pauses, jabbing a finger at me. "Need to catch Brooklyn. I'll take care of Bear."

"Sounds like a plan. I better catch Nix too, eh?"

Carter nods. "I forgot about him." I roll my eyes in response. "Yes, get Pheonix. But catch Brooke, too."

"Of course," I reply. "Do we have lead ropes?"

"Mhmm, inside the burning barn, M," he deadpans. "Feel free to go get them."

"All right, all right. Let's just get ready."

Before Carter can agree, a sudden pounding of hooves distracts both of us. I glance sideways, only to see Carter running towards the frantic horses. I quickly follow. Brooklyn's chestnut coat stands out almost immediately, so I plot my course for the sassy mare.

"Rooky!" I call out, stopping the mare nearly in her tracks. "Rook, c'mere, sweetie." I walk as fast as possible without spooking the mare. She places away from me, long legs flailing. "Shhh, Brooke," I mutter. "You're fine, you're fine," I repeat, partially for Brooklyn, partially for myself.

"Maya!" My dad calls from the barn doors. "I'm going in, to get Wonki." He motions towards the barn

My heart stops, hearing my pony's name. He's inside. He's inside. "What?"

"Bluebell, Your mom needs help." Mom? Without another word, he runs into the barn, leaving me standing there with a herd of flighty horses. "Dad!" I scream. Nothing. "Dad!"

What happens next is completely based on impulsive.

I drop Brooklyn's halter, sliding my feet towards the barn. It's only now occurring to me that I'm not wearing any shoes. At all. This is gonna hurt.

Using my shoulder, I crash through the barn doors, instantly feeling a wave of heat.

"Mom? Dad?" I call out. The air is noticeably thicker and definitely harder to breathe. "Mom!"

This time, I get an immediate response. "Maya?"

I smile knowing she's okay. "Yeah, it's me," I say through my smile. "Did you get Wonki?" My voice nearly breaks at the end. "Is he okay?"

"No, the door's completely lit," she explains. My throat squeezes to the point if think it might close off.

"Okay... I'm coming."

"Don't you dare, Maya Blue. Get out of-" It seems like she's about to continue, but a loud whinny interrupts. "You didn't bring a horse in here, did you?"

I'm still standing by the front doors. "No."

"Darren-" my mom starts talking to my dad, getting caught up in their conversation. The cackling fire is drowning everything out. Everything except a horrible whinny.

Then it clicks.

"Pheonix?" I whisper, my voice hardly coming out at all. "Pheonix!" This time, there's not a second of hesitation. I bolt, racing towards the back of the barn. If I can't get Wonki, I'll get Pheonix. "Nix! Nix, I'm coming."

The concrete floor, while not yet on fire, is boiling hot. With every step I can practically feel my skin burning off.

I duck to avoid ash falling from the rafters. Jumping to the left puts me inches away from the falling ceiling beam, possibly saving my life.

By the time I reach Pheonix my condition is significantly deteriorating. The smoke has finally caught up with me, making its way into my throat, my eyes, my lungs, everywhere. And it stings. The only thing I'm thankful for is the heat of the concrete is causing my feet to numb, though it hasn't taken the pain entirely.

Until I catch a glimpse of Pheonix. Everything goes numb.

The gelding's once beautiful chestnut coat is missing patches, seemingly burned off. He's cowering in the corner, the whites of his eyes showing. I've never seen this much fear before.

The one night something goes wrong, both my boys are in the barn. Pheonix, because I need to take him to the vet tomorrow morning. Wonki because he fights with the other horses constantly. They're in danger because I took the easy way out.

"Phe," I whisper, my voice coming out hoarse and scratchy. "It's okay, buddy, I'm right here." The stall door is engulfed in flames, lapping up towards the roof, jumping from stall to stall, snapping at Pheonix. "Pheonix, you gotta jump," I tell him. "You have to. Come on."

The stall door is tall, but nothing he can't handle. Especially without a rider. "Pheonix!" I shout, anger lacing my voice. "Now. Jump."

When he ducks further into the corner, I know it's over.

I know he won't be coming out to me. I know I'll never show him, ride, or even pet him. "Pheonix!" I scream. Right at him, forcing my gelding further into the corner.

The smoke has caused tears to drip from my eyes but nothing like I feel now. I've never been this upset. Large tears stream down my face, falling onto the concrete with a hiss. It feels like I stand outside of Pheonix's stall, sobbing, for hours.

"Maya!" Someone shouts. "Maya are you still in here?"

The voice clicks in my head as I call back a response. Finally, they must've gotten Wonki, now we can get Pheonix. "Yea-" My body is suddenly overcome with horrible shaking and what feels like coughing my lungs out. It forces me to the ground, burning my skin all over. I can't breathe. No air can come in, it's only going out.

"Maya, shh," a quiet voice whispers from above me. "Come on, we need to go."

I sit up very slowly, still hacking, and shake my head. "Not without Phe." The voice doesn't even sound like mine. It's scratchy and hardly audible.

"No, M," my mom reasons. "We need to leave."

"No."

"Maya Blue. Now." A hand fastens itself to my arm, starting to pull me away.

"No!" The scream nearly rips my throat. Without a doubt the loudest noise I've ever made. Combined with my current condition, it sounded like a demon escaping the pits of hell.

Mom sighs, and the grip loosens on my arm. The sigh she gives when she's relenting. "Okay. Okay, you need to get a lead rope. Hurry."

I nod, scrambling to my feet. My body is exhausted, nearly giving out as I run. But I reach the tack room.

The first three leads I find are charred. One falls apart in my hand. Not without burning me first. The only extra lead ropes are in the tack boxes. Pheonix should have one in his box.

Phoenix's box is on the bottom row, right access from where I'm standing. The back half of the room, where the boxes are, is the least covered in flames. Well, at least less than the front of the tack room.

The barn gives out a loud groan. The structure won't stay up much longer. We're getting Pheonix, and we're getting out.

I hope.

As soon as I open the box, a black lead rope tumbles into my hands. It's slightly burned in places, but usable.

I take a jump up to my feet, nearly falling into the flaming wall. The barn gives another groan, signaling me to hurry up.

Before I can take another step, a support beam snaps. The sound echos through the barn.

I can hear everything.

My parent's screams. Pheonix's terrified whinny. The barn collapsing.

Completely collapsing. Every single part of it falls into the flames. Everything except the back of the tack room.

I'm too scared to move, which feels like a terrible decision. It only takes a second before the tack room starts to collapse, too. Just before I can duck, the ceiling gives out.

The last thought echoing in my head as a flaming wooden beam comes crashing towards me is my brother's words from earlier.

Shit.

Again, I wake up feeling disoriented. I'm in an incredible amount of pain. Every part of my body hurts. I can't move.

This is wonderful.

My eyes refuse to open, sensing the bright lights above. I'm either in a hospital, or dead. The latter seems more likely after what happened.

My chest is the center of the pain. Everything seems to be spiraling out from there. It's a horrible feeling.

From what I can tell, I'm alone. Which terrifies me even more. I just want to know where I am. I want to know what happened to everyone.

Very cautiously, I start to lift my eyelids. First the left, then the right. A light burns my eyes to the point I almost close them again. It takes all of my strength to force them open.

My eyes immediately start trying to adjust to the new surroundings. They dart around, still blinking furiously at the light. I still can't figure out where I am.

Quickly, I tense my muscles, trying to turn. Trying. My brain gets the message across, but as soon as I try, my body becomes stiff.

That's when I'm suddenly aware of the mask on my face. How I didn't notice it is beyond me. It's not tight, but secured over my mouth and nose. When I take a breath in, it seems air is being sent into my lungs. Now that I'm aware of it, I accidentally suck in a deep breath,, choking on the filtered air.

Meaning, I start coughing. Not just one cough. A storm of them, ripping at my throat. They come out with so much force my body shakes with each one.

It doesn't take long, maybe thirty seconds, before a nurse comes charging into my room. She immediately runs over to the monitor next to me, shutting off whatever called her in. Then, she gets to me.

A blue-gloved hand reaches out, grabbing the oxygen mask. The force of coughing forces my eyes shut and I'm unable to see what the nurse is doing. Less than a minute passes before the mask is placed back. It works better than expected, the rush of fresh air keeping me from coughing. It takes a second to work, but once it does, the coughing stops entirely.

The nurse is still standing next to my bed, adjusting another machine. "Afternoon, sweetheart," she finally says. I make a weak noise in response. "Let me go grab your brother," she chuckles, walking out of the room.

Confused as to what just happened, I close my eyes again. They still haven't fully adjusted to the light. Plus, I'm exhausted. Just as I'm deciding sleep might be a good idea, the door swings open again, this time revealing Carter.

He's definitely looked better. His usually neat, soft blonde hair looks like it's been through a hurricane. Purple bags hang low under his eyes. And his entire right wrist is covered in white bandages.

He rushes over, just trying to make sure I'm alive. To let him know I'm not dead, I give a limp smile, hardly turning the corners of my lips. Whatever drugs I'm on, they're going to put me to sleep.

"Hey, Aya," he murmurs, reaching out to touch my hand with his thumb. I flinch at first, shying away from the contact as much as my injuries will allow. But Carter's comforting half-smile relaxes me. Enough to give another, weaker, smile.

His sky-colored eyes skim over my feeble body. He whispers, "I'm sorry." Even through the quiet sound, I can hear his heart breaking. Tiny droplets form in the corners of my eyes, begging to be set free. I hold them in as long as I can. Carter doesn't help. Instead, he says, "That should be me..."

The first tear falls.

Slowly down my cheek. Reaching my jaw, it plummets off. The rest follow quickly. I can't really cry, no pained noises and movements, just crystal-clear water drops dribbling off my chin.

"I'm sorry, baby sis." At the sound of his voice, I blink the tears away.

I just want to tell him it's not his fault. I'm the one who ran into the barn like an idiot. I did this to myself. And for what? What came out of it? From my brother's bloodshot eyes, I can tell nothing good.

"I hate to interrupt," my nurse cuts in. "But social security is here to see you two. I've buzzed the office, they should be here-" she's stopped by a knock at the door. The light wood door swings open, the old hinges creaking at the effort.

A tall woman, with red hair enters first, a smile plastered on her freckled face. Behind her, an equally tall woman appears. She looks similar to my nurse, sharing the same black hair and mocha skin tone, but carries a serious expression on her face.

"Carter, Maya," the dark-skinned woman addresses us. "I'm Director Lyndsy, from Maine's Social Security organization. I'm here to discuss your future, with your unfortunate situation.

I squint at the woman, anger evident on my face. Sure, she's trying to keep us alive and healthy, but she could at least show some sympathy.

Carter, the mature of us two, speaks up. "And what would that situation be?"

Director Lyndsy sighs. "This morning, at 3:17 am, your father, Darren Blue, was declared deceased." My breath catches. All the air seems to escape my lungs as they deflate themselves. How? I thought he had left the barn. Why else would mom have come alone to get me?

"And our mother?" Carter asks. The look on his face shows he's clearly afraid of the answer. I still can't process what's happened to my father.

"She passed at the hospital this afternoon, 12:03 pm. I'm sorry, they're gone." The director hurries to get to the next thing, but I can't hear her.

I can't hear anything.

Everything seems to fade out as I focus on the important words. Deceased. Passed. Gone.

They're gone. They're gone and I can't do anything about it. They're gone and it's all my fault.

This time, I can't be bothered to hold my tears back. I let them come out with a choking sob, shaking my ribcage. Everything hurt before Director Lyndsy came. Now everything's just numb. No pain, no anxiety, no feelings.

"Maya." A quiet, but demanding voice shocks me out of my delerious state. "Like I was saying. With both of your parents gone, and your brother only being seventeen, we need to find another place for you to live." My nose scrunches at the thought. I don't want another place to live. I want my home, my family, my life.

"Your closest family members live in Kansas, is that correct? Your paternal grandparents?"

Carter nods. "Yes."

"But as we understand, they're older?" Another nod from my brother. He's handling this way better than I am. Tears are still rolling furiously down my cheeks. "We don't want to uproot your life, either." She pauses. "We've made the decision to send you to a group home about an hour from here."

My eyes widen at the same time Carter says, "Absolutely not."

"I'm afraid it's your only choice," the director argues. "It's not what you're picturing. The group home is a small building, currently housing around thirty children. There are staff, volunteers, nothing like what you're imagining." How come she thinks she can read my mind? She's right, of course, but I still don't like her.

"We're still not doing that."

"Again, Mr. Blue, this is your only choice." He continues to glare at her. "Well, technically, you can live on your own, being seventeen." I start to smile, thinking we might just make it out of this. "But your sister is hardly sixteen. She's going either way." My heart sinks. My brother will never leave me alone... But it doesn't matter for me, I'll still be living with thirty other people.

"This is ridiculous," my brother mutters to himself, just loud enough for me to hear.

"Ms. Garfield is in charge of the home we're sending you to." She gestures to the red-haired woman.

"You can call me Skyler," she introduces herself to us. "I know you don't want to come, but this is your only option." She smiles solemnly at me. "I'm sorry. But we're ready for you," she points to Carter, "in two days. And you, Maya, just over a week."

I must look confused, because the nurse explains, "You're staying until the 21st." Spectacular.

"It won't be the same as having your family-"

"That's for sure," Carter deadpans.

"But it'll be better than living in the streets of Maine." Skyler clasps her hands together. "Carter, I'll see you in two days, Maya, soon enough you'll join him."

I give her a glare, which would look a lot scarier if these tears would stop streaking down my face.

"No," Carter shakes his head. "No, what about our horses? You're not going to pay for them are you?"

"No, I'm sorry, we can't do that," the director says in a tone indicating she's clearly not sorry.

"Can we go to Kansas then?" He bargains.

"Also no. This is what's best for you."

"What about our horses? What're you going to do with them?"

She purses her lips before replying. "Selling them."

I flinch at the words, wanting to shove them back in her mouth. To scream at her. But I can't do either of those things, so I look at Carter with pleading eyes.

"You can't do that!" Carter roars. "Autumn legally belongs to me. You can't have her."

Director Lyndsy sighs and shakes her head. Anyone would in her situation. She's faced with removing two broken and angry children, after telling them their parents are dead. She seems to have a very enjoyable job.

"I'll contact you, Mr. Blue. Find a place for your horse, we'll deal with the rest at a later date." She glares daggers at us before turning and walking back out the door, Skyler tagging at her heels.

"Well, that was enough news for the next two months," Carter sneers. He's not normally like this. Only when he's upset and trying to hide it. He's trying hard right now. I make a soft noise in agreement, though.

I want to ask him about my horses. I don't know what happened to... him, but I'm pretty sure Wonki was out of the barn. I don't legally own him and I can't afford to. Before I can try to ask my brother, the nurse interrupts my thoughts.

"I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but, Maya, you might want to get comfortable." Carter groans loudly as the nurse shuffles over to me, close enough for me to finally read her name tag. Matthas. Nurse Matthas. Has a nice ring to it. I might compliment her if she didn't sound like she's about to ruin my life for the second time today.

"Spit it out," my brother grumbles. He's really not helping. Like, at all.

"This news isn't for you. You can wait a second, can't you, Maya?" Reaching my last strand of patience with everyone, I mumble an incoherent response. "Great."

"She said no."

"Mr. Blue," Nurse Matthas spins around. "I'm going to have to ask you to leave if you don't sit." She waves her hand towards the chair next to my bed. Carter's pouting face comes out as he flops down in the chair. If I could, I'd slap him across the face.

"All right, Maya. You know what this is?" Nurse Matthas holds a clear plastic tube, wrapped around her hand to avoid touching the floor.

"She's not seven, stop playing games and tell us what the hell is wrong with my sister."

"Enough," Nurse Matthas snaps. "Out. You can come back in here when we're done." He opens his mouth to protest. "I'm going to call security. Out."

With a final glare, Carter stands up and trudges out the door, managing not to slam it. As soon as he's gone I send the nurse an apologetic look. Luckily, her lips turn up into a dismissive smile.

"Now he's out of the way... I do have news." I raise my eyebrows as a gesture to continue. "When you ran into the barn, you inhaled a lot of smoke. Even if the barn hadn't collapsed, you still would've passed out. Due to the damage done to your lungs, you need to use this." She thrusts her gloved hand out at me, still holding the tube.

I scrunch my nose at the uncomfortable-looking object. "Its called a nasal cannula. It'll hook up to your oxygen tank." My eyes widen, making a horrified face. "Don't act so scared," Nurse Matthas dismisses. "Under doctor's orders, you'll wear this full-time for the next two months. After that, it's only at night." I feel a long, deep breath escape my lips. "Unless you aren't careful." I give a very shaky nod.

"All right, that's it for now. Nighttime shift will be coming around with your dinner." My nurse starts walking across the room, putting the gross tube on the counter. "I'll be back in the morning." She points a finger at me, a joking tone controlling her voice. As she exits the room, I realize how exhausted I am.

From trying to process last night. From trying to feel anything but numb. From finding out I need to wear an ugly plastic tube to survive.

From all my questions. From needing to know who died. Who died because of me. Who died because I kept my parents in the barn? Who else died because I kept my horses inside? Who else did I let die?

Unable to process anything else, my brain starts to shut itself down. My vision starts to blur as I move my eyes away from the door. They land on the counter. Only one thing is on the counter.

And I stare at it, unable to fully comprehend anything from the last twenty-four hours.

oh my god i'm so sorry for the horrible ending. this chapter took way too long, but I hope it was somewhat enjoyable.

your comments literally make my day and i'm so grateful for all the feedback i get!

now, get ready for this second rewrite, because maya's story is about to get c r a z y.